Ways to be Scared
by DegrassiFan77
Summary: Holly J found out she's pregnant, and Fiona's boyfriend hurts her. Declan has to deal with ALL of these things, and it's pretty stressful
1. I Have To Tell You Something

Holly J Sinclair... pregnant. She couldn't believe it. She decides to have sex one time, and this happens. Now she certainly isn't living in Heather's shadow. She wishes she was now. Heather was just what they would call a bitch, but at least she wasn't a slut.

She walked over to Declan who was watching TV with Fiona in the other room.

"Declan..." she began in a worried voice.

"Yes?" Declan asked grabbing Holly J's hand and guiding her to the red satin couch. Holly J sat in the middle of Declan and Fiona. Fiona gave her a discusted look, but when she noticed that Holly J was looking at her, she looked away. Lately Fiona had been secretive, and suddenly wearing enormous amounts of makeup. Holly J had commented on it and now Fiona seemed to hide from her.

"I need to tell you something." Holly J began. She waited for Fiona to leave. Fiona noticed that Holly J was looking at her, "I'm watching TV." she said, rolling her eyes.

"You'll notice later anyway..." Holly J said unsurely.

"Declan, I'm pregnant." Holly J bluntly said.

Declan stepped back. "You're kidding." he said. Fiona was sitting in the background, surprisingly not grinning or laughing, just staring in disbelief.

"Holly J, you have to be." Declan stated.

Holly J looked at him with question in her eyes. She shook her head "No... Declan I'm not."

"You guys are having _sex_?" Fiona asked, her eyes squinting. "Ew..."

"Fiona, this isn't funny!" Declan yelled at her. Holly J was surprised, Declan never yelled at Fiona, never.

"I'm sorry, that's just discusting!" Fiona stated.

Declan slapped her in the face.

Fiona stared at him in disbelief. She looked scared from the time he raised his hand. She began crying and ran off.

Holly J was really surprised. She took Declan by the arm. "This isn't Fiona's fault!" she said.

"I know... she can just be a brat sometimes, this isn't something to laugh and joke out. Are you sure you're pregnant?"

Holly J was taken abback.

"So if your sister is a brat, you slap her?" she asked "We'll talk about this later, I'm finding Fiona."

Declan sat on the couch, head in his hands. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He had just angered the two people he adored the most with in one minute. And he was going to be a dad.

Holly J found Fiona in her room. "Leave me alone." Fiona had said, between deep breaths and crying.

"I don't know what got in to Declan, he's a bit crazy tonight, I don't know why... I guess he just has a lot of things on his mind." Holly J told her.

Fiona continued to cry.

"Fiona, look at me." Holly J insisted.  
"I can't."

"Why not?" Holly J curiously asked, turning her around.

A black circle was around Fiona's eye, there were other bruises on her too.

"Did Declan do that?" Holly J asked softly.

Fiona half laughed, "No... not him. Declan barely touched me."

Holly J watched Fiona for a second. "Barely touched you? I heard that slap, it was loud."

"He touched me, but not as hard as..." Fiona's voice broke.

"Come on Fiona, you can tell me."

Fiona shook her head no.

"I know you hate me, because I date your brother... but I want to help."

"I don't _hate_ you." Fiona stated.

Suddenly Declan walked in. He took one look at Fiona's eye.

"My god Fi, did I do that?" he asked as he rushed in and knelt down beside her.

"No."

"Black eyes don't make themselves." Declan stated.

"It wasn't you though." Fiona replied.  
"Then who was it?" Holly J asked impatiantly.

"It was Bobby." Fiona stated sadley.

Declan was extremley angry at Fiona's boyfriend Bobby. His hands were made into tight fists.

Fiona ducked down. Holly J sat her back up.

"You've been dating that basterd for months, when did this start to happen?" she asked.

"Sometime between the first and second week." Fiona sighed.

"I'll beat him up!" Declan screamed.

"No..." Fiona replied, "You just be a good boyfriend to Holly J, she needs you now... more than I do."

Holly J smiled inside, but not on the outside, that was no way to react when your soon to be sister in law gets beat up. Still, Holly J thought, me being pregnant, and Fiona getting beat up. Holly J sighed.

"I'm pregnant, I can take care of that... it'll be easy, I'll get an abortion. Fiona, this is serious you could be seriously hurt."

Fiona looked up. "You can't do that." she said, a tear rolling slowly down her face. Declan sat down beside her, and put his arm around her. She flinched and looked over her shoulder at a huge bruise. Declan scooted his arm up, so it wouldn't touch the bruise.

"That's my niece, or nephew." Fiona said. Her voice sounded like that of a five year old's.

"Fi, you have to understand," Holly J said "I'm scared." her voice was soft. Declan reached up to grab her hand but she pulled it away.

Fiona had coldness in her eyes. "And you think I'm not?" she asked.

"I'm scared in a different way..." Holly J said.

"Yeah, and would you like to trade situations. I'd rather carry a baby then be beaten up everyday." Fiona screamed. She pried Declan's arm off of her shoulder and started to leave.

"Fi... wait..." Declan said, grabbing her wrists and holding her back. She looked at him, fear in her eyes.  
"Please stay." he said.

Fiona sat down.

"You guys are the only friends I have." she stated, rubbing her wrist, that had multiple handprints on it. It was Bobby's handprints.

"I would love a niece or nephew..."

Declan looked at Fiona, question in his eyes.

"It's Holly J's body, and she can do what she wishes."

Fiona looked down.

Holly J sighed, upest that she was even in this situation. She felt sorry for Fiona.

"Fi... I know you're going through, so much right now... you have to get away from him." Holly J told her.

"I can't it's not that easy."

"I'll keep the baby if you do." Holly J said, with an uncertain tone in her voice.

Fiona looked up and smiled.

Declan took a deep breath.

Fiona ran over to Holly J and hugged her.

That night Fiona cried in her room. She'd tried to break up with Bobby before and that had resulted in a trip down the stairs, not so much as a trip as a push.

Declan came in to her room.

"Fiona, about tonight, when I slapped you. It was stupid, and impulsive. I'm sorry. I really love you Fi."

"I know." she stated, staring at her hands, that were clasped tightly in her lap.

"I really wish you'd let me beat up that basterd."

Fiona looked up at her brother. "You need to just handle Holly J and your baby now." she said.

"Fi... you can't possibly be ok, this guy abused you, a lot, you flinch when someone lifts up their hand to scratch their head!"

"I'm fine." assured Fiona, but her voice was already quavering and breaking.

"You are not." Declan insisted.

"Can I sleep in you're room tonight?" Fiona asked.

"With me and Holly J?" Declan almost refused but said "If you really want to."

"I can't sleep, I'm too scared." Fiona said.

Write more, or no?


	2. At Least You're Not Pregnant

Holly J woke up to find Fiona sleeping between her and Declan. She thought it was a tad bit weird. She suddenly remembered what had happened to Fiona. That would also explain the soft weeps that were coming from Fiona as she slept. Declan was also asleep, still his arms around his sister, and even now rubbing her arms in his sleep to make her feel better, which is how he got her to sleep in the first place.

Holly J had went to sleep alone in her bed, and woke up with two more people. She looked at the clock, it read two thirty-four AM. Holly J got up and got some water and drank it quietly, watching her boyfriend and his sister sleep. She wasn't tired. She was just a little scared. She didn't _want _to get big, and she didn't _want_ to give birth, and be a mom. That's what happened to Mia, and Mia left her kid at a party once, almost got her taken away, Holly J didn't want that.

She walked over the mirror silently, she lifted her shirt so she could see her stomach, she rubbed her hand over it, it didn't seem bigger, but it had only been five weeks. "No!" the scream of Fiona broke the silence and Holly J looked over. Fiona was clutching Declan's shirt tightly and crying very loudly. "No! Get off!" She screamed. }  
As Holly J rushed over to Fiona, Declan woke up.

"Fi?" he asked tiredly.

Holly J lightly shook Fiona awake.

"Hey Fiona, it's ok. You're with us." she assured.

Fiona looked up at her, and then at Declan.

"What happened in your dream?" Declan asked.

"Nothing." Fiona said coldly, tears rolling down her face.

"It had to be something, Fi, was it about him?"  
"Who?" Fiona asked, as if she were dumb. She didn't want to admit that she was scared of him. She really didn't. She was Fiona Coyne, and she should be scared of nothing.

"Bobby." Declan answered brushing her hair out of her face.

Holly J sat beside Fiona on the huge bed. "Who else would she be dreaming about?" she asked Declan with an annoyed tone in her voice.

Declan sighed and layed back down.

"Do you want some water?" Holly J asked.

Fiona shook her head no. She didn't want anything. She wanted to be dead, and if it weren't for Declan, that's what she'd do.

"Go back to sleep Fi, we have school tomarow." Declan said.

School. That's one place where he could hurt her. She just had to be sure she wasn't alone with him and she'd be fine. She was secretly skipping school a lot lately and if she missed many more days, then she could get bad marks.

Fiona layed down and Holly J did the same beside her.

"You're going to be fine." Holly J said, sighing a bit. She honestly wondered if she herself would be fine. She couldn't do this, raise a baby. She was glad that Declan had calmed himself down though, at least that would take a little of the stress off, of her and Fiona.

Fiona was still crying, but finally she fell asleep again. Once she was asleep Declan sat up and stared at Holly J. She was asleep too. He got out of bed and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. She was tossing and turning.

He pushed the hair out of her face. She woke up suddenly.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." Declan whispered to her, careful not to wake Fiona again.

"Did what?" Holly J asked, but she had already guessed the answer.

"I'm sorry I got you pregnant, it's causing you to worry a lot, I know." Declan replied, then he took her hand "I'm here for you, ok, for you and the baby."

"I can't do this." Holly J began, her voice cracking. She was trying her best not to cry, it'd only upset Declan, and Fiona if she were to wake up.

"Sure you can." Declan said "You're Holly J Sinclair."

Holly J let out a faint smile.

"Go to sleep, beautiful." he told her. He hugged her and touched her stomach as he walked to the other side of the bed, layed down and went to sleep.

Declan's phone alarm rang loudly, it woke everyone except Holly J up. Across the hall, Fiona's alarm clock in her room droned.

"I'll get that shut off Fi." Declan said, now that it was day light he could see her bruises a lot better, there were tons of them.

Fiona sat up.

"Holly J, wake up." she said. She had to shake Holly J a few times before she actually woke up.

"Oh Fiona." Holly J exclaimed when she saw Fiona's bruises.

"What?" Fiona asked.

"You have so many... your whole body is covered in..." Holly J began.

"I know." interupted Fiona.

"Well..." began Holly J trying to think of something to say that might make Fiona feel better. "At least you're not pregnant."

Fiona let out a small, sad laugh "I wouldn't be so sure."

"What do you mean?" Holly J asked.

"I don't know if when we... if he used a..." Fiona tried to finish.

"Yesterday you said you thought sex was gross." Holly J said, wondering what could have changed Fiona's mind.

"It is, it's gross and it's..." Fiona began but stopped when she noticed Declan was standing in the doorway. She wondered how long he'd been there.

"Did that basterd rape you, Fi?" Declan asked quietly but with anger showing through his voice.

Fiona started crying and Holly J wrapped her arms around her.

"Fi, it'll be ok... it'll be fine."  
"No it won't I'm a slut, and anyone can do anything to me, they can hit me, and punch me, and..." Fiona whispered the last part, "rape me."

"No Fi, you're not a slut." Declan said walking towards her.

"I thought... that if I ever lost my virginity, which I was never going to do, it'd be special."

"Fiona..." Holly J began, holding her hand and giving it a little shake. "Things can still be good for you. You can still have an awesome wedding with that one person who deserves to have you... you're ok." she told her, then she added "It'll all be ok." referring to herself, as well as Fiona.

Declan sighed and walked over to Fiona. He sat down by her "I'm sorry this happened." he told her, then he looked at Holly J. "I'm sorry for both of you. I'll take you both to the doctor after school today."

Fiona sighed and sunk back into the bed, trying not to cry. Her whole life was now ruined, she was not a virgin anymore, she let some guy beat her up. And now everyone knew, "That's Fiona, the girl who got beat up by her boyfriend, she's so easy to control, did you know he also raped her?" that's what they would say as she walked down the halls.

"I was supposed to keep the dirt bags off of you." Declan stated, looking at his sister.

"You tried your best." Fiona replied quietly, "You can't always monitor my every move."

Declan called the doctor and asked to schedual an appointment.

Then he drove Holly J, Fiona and himself to school.

When they arived Declan and Holly J got out, Declan walked over to Fiona's door to help her out. Fiona wouldn't budge.

"Fi, come on we are going to be late."

"I can't go." Fiona said, tears filling her eyes. "He's here, he'll see me."

"You have to break up with him, remember?" Holly J said. Pulling Fiona by the arm, trying to get her out of the car.

"Ow!" Fiona yelped.

Holly J quickly let go, remembering that Fiona's whole arm was black and blue.

"Oh, Fiona... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

The fear in Fiona's eyes vanished and she smiled a small smile "It's ok."

"We'll go with you to break up with him." Declan assured.

Fiona sighed and slowly stepped out of the car. She was scared to go near him, Declan and Holly J being there might help, but she'd still be scared.

They walked together to over where Bobby was standing.

"Hello baby." he said. He reached out and grabbed Fiona's arm and pulled her close to him and forced a kiss on her.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Fiona yelled, her voice strong, for the first time in a long time.

Declan smiled inside, Good job, Fi, he thought, though his hands ached to strangle and punch the man standing in front of him.

"Why not honey?" he asked, wrapping his arms around Fiona's waist, and burrying his face her her hair.

Declan and Holly J waited for Fiona to do something but she caved again, she started crying.

"Oh what's wrong sweetie?" Bobby asked, lifting Fiona's face to his for another kiss.

"You know what's wrong with her, now get away!" Holly J yelled. She couldn't see something like this happen to her friend any longer.

"Aw... what _is _wrong?" Bobby asked. "Did Fifi make up another lie?" he said, his teeth clenched.

"Bobby, I don't ever want to see you again, ok? Ever. You know that I'm not lying, you _know_ it." Fiona struggled to say

"I'm breaking up with you." she whispered.

Bobby looked around to see if anyone was looking, the only ones who were in sight besides himself and Fiona was Declan and Holly J. He grabbed Fiona's wrist and pushed her up against the wall of the school. He punched her in the stomach and in the face. Then he gave her a long kiss. It was so fast, that all this happened before Holly J ran over, crying. "Stop it!" she yelled "Stop it now!"

Declan began pulling Bobby off of Fiona, he wanted to beat him, but he couldn't. He knew it wasn't the smart thing to do.

Fiona curled up against the wall and cried.

Holly J sat beside her and Fiona leaned on her.

"Can't you see what you're doing?" Holly J asked. "You're hurting her, badley!"

Bobby laughed and shoved Declan away and walked off to class.

Declan rushed over to her sister. She was bleeding.

"We'll skip school today, ok Fi?" He said. He reached out for her hand and helped her get up. They walked out to the car.

With every step she took she was in pain. Declan swooped her up and carried her.

They went home and Fiona slept, using Holly J's lap as a pillow. Holly J braided and unbraided Fiona's hair, sitting in silence in the room, the TV was off. Declan sat by Fiona's feet.

"I don't know what to do, Holly J." Declan said, for the first time almost crying. "I don't know how to handle any of this, you being pregnant, Fi..."

"You're doing great now." Holly J said, giving him a slight smile.

They sat there for a few hours, Holly J fell asleep sitting up and Declan began reading.

At around 4:30 Declan woke up Holly J and Fiona.

"We have your doctor's apointment soon." he told Fiona.

She sighed and they all got in the car.

(Should I write more? Reveiw if you thinks so)

(I am writing the third one now so if you want more I'll post it)


	3. The Party

The ride to the doctor's was silent, except for Fiona's quite sobbing once in a while.

When they got the the private family doctor that the Coyne's always went to he took one looked at Fiona and developed a million questions.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"She fell down the stairs." Declan said, knowing that Fiona wouldn't want to admit to many people that Bobby beat her up.

"Ok... and why are you here today?" he asked, with an uncertain voice.

Fiona waited for someone to answer for her, but when no one did she tried to answer herself.

"Me and my boyfriend were, having..." she started, but her voice broke. Declan who was standing to her left held her hand, and squeezed it lightly.

"My boyfriend and I were having sex." she stated, memories of her rape flashed into her mind.

"No no no no!" Fiona screamed loudly she started crying, her hands on her head. Holly J jumped in surprise. Declan looked very surprised as well.

The doctor studied her for a long time, then turned to Declan.

"Does she need mental help?" He asked calmly.

Declan looked at the doctor for a long time. "No, she needs to see if she's pregnant." he answered, looking at his sister strangely.

"I can't do this anymore!" Fiona screamed.

"Fiona..." Holly J began, "What's wrong?"

"You want to know what's wrong?" Fiona yelled, then she started to cry loudly.

"Fiona, just let him see if you're pregnant, then we can go home." Holly J said, putting her hand on Fiona's shoulder.

Fiona nodded silently as the doctor led her into the room.

Declan and Holly J waited in the waiting room.

"What happened to _her_?" Holly J asked.

"I guess... she just cracked. She has a lot on her mind, she's been having to think of clever lies for a really long time. She's probably tired of it." Declan replied.

Holly J sighed. She hated this. Fiona was her only friend, aside from Declan in New York, she hated all this drama. She hated being pregnant. She knew it would get worse, with pregnancy morning sickness, hormones.

"Declan..." Holly J said, leaning against him.

"Yes?" Declan said, his arm now around his girlfriend.

"I'm tired of all this." she said.  
"Yeah...I know what you mean." he replied, with a deep sigh.

"I'm tired of Fiona being hurt, I'm tired of being pregnant, I'm tried of everything."

Declan turned to face her. "It'll be fine, I promise you that."

Holly J smiled at him, and wondered how he always knew exactly what to do or say.

Fiona walked out of the doctor's office smiling. "I'm not pregnant!" she smiled big, and Declan loved it, he missed seeing his sister smile.

Holly J got up quickly and hugged Fiona. Fiona yelped and Holly J let go.  
"Oh Fiona, I'm so sorry, I just keep forgeting!"

"It's fine." she said "I'm fine..." after she said that she let out a small laugh. "I'm fine..." she said again. Declan smiled at her.

"Good Fi... good." he said extending his arm out to her. She took his hand and they walked out to the car. When they got home Fiona smiled.  
"I think we'll have a party!" she said happily.

"Fiona... are you ok?" Declan asked eyeing his sister quizzically.

"Course I'm ok, find my phone, invite the whole school!"

"Fiona, I don't think that's much of a good idea." Holly J said, but Fiona was already on her phone calling everyone.

"Yes yeah right now!"

"Of course you can bring some friends along!"

With in an hour the house was exploding with music, laughter, and was a complete mess.

Fiona was having a great time while Holly J and Declan tried to keepn things under control.

Fiona was dancing with lots of people.

"Yeah, I'm ok." Fiona said when someone at school asked her about all her bruises.

"Oh, I _fell down the stairs_." She said

The man who was dancing with her smiled.

Then Fiona saw Bobby.  
"I'm going to go." she told him with a smile.

She walked over to Bobby.

"Hello!" she told him with a laugh.

"Well hello." he said slowly.

Meanwhile Declan was cleaning up a broken plate when he looked around "Where's Fiona?" he asked Holly J.

"I don't know, why?" Holly J said, fear rising in her voice.

"Over there, Colton Weaver, that's Bobby's best friend, Bobby's probably here too."

"I'll try to find her." Holly J told Declan as she rushed off.

Fiona talked to Bobby.

"Want to go upstairs?" she asked with a smile.

Bobby looked at her. "Of course."

"Right this way." Fiona said twirling around Bobby and leading him up the stairs and in to her room.

She sat down on the bed and smiled at him.

"Do your thing." she told him laying down. Bobby's eyes lit up with pleasure and surprise. He unbuckled his belt and took off Fiona's shirt. He gazed down on her. She smiled up at him and he shifted himself on top of her. Suddenly she realized what she was doing. She rolled out from under him and started to cry.

"Oh Fifi, dear what's wrong?" he asked walking towards her. She backed away.

"Fiona... it's going to happen sometime in your life, everyone has sex, now come on, you were asking for it."

Fiona put her shirt back on quickly, not wanting Bobby to see her anymore.

He cornered her.

"Leave me alone!" she screamed and ducked out from under his arms. She opened the door and ran out crying, her hands pulling at her hair, Bobby chasing after her.

The whole party quieted down and watched Fiona. When she got to the other side of the house she sunk agaist the wall and started crying.

"She just went crazy again!" Bobby said. "I was trying to help her but..." he said. Everyone laughed and began partying again.

Holly J ran over to her, and in a few seconds, Declan was there too.

"What happened?" Declan asked.  
Fiona didn't answer.

"To rephrase the question," Holly J began "Why did you start acting like everything had been fine, partying, and going upstairs with Bobby, I saw you!"

"I thought that if I just acted like it was all ok, it would be and I could forget." Fiona weeped.

Declan wrapped his arms around her. "What were you thinking going upstairs with him?" He asked softly, but in a stern tone.

Fiona just shook her head, because honestly she didn't know _what_ she was thinking.

Write more or no? Next chapter will have more of Holly J being pregnant, and some therapy for Fiona.


	4. Lets Go Swimming

Once Declan had made everyone from the party go home, he walked back over to Fiona, who was sitting on the couch. Holly J was taking a shower.

"I think," he began, rubbing his hands together "that you need some help."

Fiona backed away from him. "I do _not _need help." Fiona stated sternly.

"Fi, you almost let it happen again." Declan replied.

"Let _what_ exactly happen again, Decs, what?"  
"Everything." Declan stated "

You almost had _sex _with him." Declan whispered. "You almost went back to the beginning, letting him hurt you again."

"Declan stop!"

"Then tell me why you went upstairs with him, you know what he can do!"

Fiona looked at him for a very long time, she almost started crying again.

"I just thought, that I had nothing to lose. I'm already used and..."

"Fi, you can't think like that." Declan interupted. "That doesn't count for anything."

"Why not?" Fiona asked.

"Maybe you should go to bed, and take a break for awhile, it's spring break, so we have a week to clear our heads." Declan suggested.

Fiona nodded silently and walked upstairs.

When Fiona was gone Declan switched on the television and waited for Holly J to come in. After about ten minutes she did.

"Where's Fiona?" she asked.

"She went to sleep." Declan said "And you know what she said?" Declan asked.

"What?"

"She said the reason that she went upstairs with that no good basterd was because she had nothing to lose, and that she was already _used_. What is that suposed to mean?" Declan asked, still in shock that his sister would even say that.

"She's just a little..." Holly J had to stop and think. "Lost." Holly J finnished. "She's just lost."

Declan smiled at his girlfriend.

"Speaking of things like that..." he began, "How are you?"

"I'm..." Holly J stopped and sighed "fine." she finished "Just fine."

"That's a little hard to believe." Declan answered.

Holly J choked back tears.

"I'm scared." she said in a small voice, that Declan hardley ever heard her use.

"Hey... it's alright." Declan said, reaching for her hand, "You'll be fine, I'm here, Fi's here."

Holly J let out a slight laugh.

"I think Fiona's got a little more important things to think about."

"Maybe..." Declan answered "But she really cares about you."

Changing the subject Holly J asked "Have you guys thought about some type of therapy for her?"

"I told her to but she said she didn't need it." Declan answered.

Holly J gave out a little laugh "It's a surprise she is asleep now, with out one of us."

Declan thought about that for a second before asking "You think she is ok up there?"

"Oh, probably, she'd come down here if she needed help."

"You obviously don't know Fiona, she hates asking for help. I'm going to go and check on her."

"Ok, I'll be here." Holly J answered as Declan started up the stairs.

When Declan reached Fiona's door he twisted the door knob slowly. The door opened and Declan saw Fiona sitting in her bed. She was staring at the wall, crying.

When she was Declan walk in she didn't look at him.

"I can't go to sleep." she said. "I can't. I'm scared, and I can't do it."

Declan walked over and sat beside her on the bed.

"Leave the lights on, and the door open Fi." he suggested.

Fiona almost laughed. "That won't help... not at all."

"You can still sleep with Holly J and I." he told her.

"And you don't get annoyed when I have nightmares?" she asked, now looking up at him.

"Oh of course not. If you are having nightmares, we'd rather you be with us, so we can help you."

Fiona smiled, her first real smile for a long while. "You guys are great." she said. Just as quickly her smile disapeared "How is Holly J?"

"She's fine."

"Does she need help with anything, I could help."

"She's mostly worried about you. She thinks there's no way that we could get Bobby to stay away forever."

Fiona sighed. Then Declan had a great idea.

"She's under a lot of stress. She really wants you to go to therapy. She thinks it'll help, so do I."

Fiona shook her head, "I don't _want_ to go to therapy, I don't _need_ to go to therapy."

"I can believe the first part Fi, but I really think you should go, Holly J and I will go too."

Fiona sighed again.

"Your choice Fi." Declan said. "If you are tired come down stairs on the couch, Holly J and I are watching TV."

Declan went downstairs, a little upset that Fiona didn't give in.

"How is it?" Holly J asked.

"She won't go to therapy."

Holly J smiled a faint smile, "Give her some time."

Fiona walked downstairs.

"Hey Fi!" Holly J said

Fiona stared at her a layed down on the couch.

"We're going to a swimming party tomarow, want to come?"

Fiona smiled a smile that was only half real. This could be good for her, she thought.

"Sure." she replied.

"Ok!" Holly J said happily.

Fiona ended up watching the rest of the movie that was on TV with Declan and Holly J. When they decided it was time to sleep. They all went upstairs.

Fiona didn't cry at all that night until about four AM, when she was having a nightmare. This time she was the only one to wake up. She found herself gripping the side of the bed.

She sat up and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Before she curled up closer to Declan and got herself asleep again.

The next day she woke up to find Holly J and Declan in their batheing suits. She hurried and got her's on. They drove the the pool.

Fiona was not having a good time. Holly J and Declan were having a blast so she just sat at the edge of the pool with her feet in the water.

Declan swam over to her. "What's wrong Fi?" he asked, tugging on her foot.

Fiona was so surprised she jumped. She stared at her brother who was soaking. "Nothing." she said.

"I can tell you're not enjoying yourself." he said.

"I'm just tired."  
"Ok... tell me if you want to go home though, ok?"

Fiona nodded and watched him swim away.

Suddenly she thought she saw Bobby near the diving boards. She hid behind her towel, then she realized it was not him. She calmed down a bit.

She thought she saw Bobby drying off with a towel. With a second glance she realized that was also not him. She thought she saw him swimming near her. That wasn't him either.

She started hyperventilating, she covered her face with her hand and weeped loudly. Someone touched her shoulders and she fainted.

She woke up in the hospital, with all kinds of tubes attached to her and Declan staring at the ceiling, Holly J leaning against him, sound asleep.

When Declan realized she had awaken he slowley got up, careful not to wake Holly J. He walked over to his sister and sat beside her.

"What happened?" she asked him.

"I was swimming at the other side of the pool and saw you freaking out, so I started to swim to you, but right when I got to you, you fainted."

Fiona covered her mouth with her face, remembering exactly what happened.

"I thought I saw him, over and over again... and when you touched me I..."

"Passed out." Declan finished. He swallowed, his voice was shakey, and he was holding back tears. "I was so scared, Fi..." he whispered.  
Fiona smiled. "I'm fine now." she said, trying to assure herself that she really was. "I'm fine."

"You are _not_." Declan stated. "People who pass out at random are not fine. You _are_ going to therapy, Promise me you will."

"I will." Fiona whispered.

"Good." Declan said. "I can sleep again."

The next day Holly J got up in the hospital and stared at the mirror. She could tell that she was pregnant, barely, but you could deffiantally tell. She screamed.

Declan woke up fast and rushed over to her. "What, what is it?"

"You can tell!" Holly J laughed. "Look!"

Declan looked over at her stomach. He laughed. He extended his hand and traced the bump with his finger. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. They kissed. Fiona watched, wishing that she could have had something like that. Something not revolving around sex. Something that was true.

"May I see it?" Fiona asked.

"Of course!" Holly J answered running over to her.

"Deffiantally noticable." Fiona remarked.

"Yeah."

The nurse walked in.

"Fiona Coyne? You are welcome to check out any time you feel fit."

Fiona nodded.

More?


	5. Holly J Will be Holly J

They were driving home from the hospital. Declan turned the wheel.

"That isn't the way home." Fiona remarked.

"I know." Declan said.

"What are you doing?" Fiona asked raising her voice.

"Taking you to the therapist."

Holly J looked over at Fiona just in time to see her reaction. It was the same facial expression that she had everytime she woke up from a nightmare.

Holly J reached for her hand "There's nothing to be scared of at therapy." she assured.

Fiona looked at her with question in her eyes, and then at the driver's seat, where Declan was sitting.  
"I don't want to do this!" she said.

"Fi, you promised." Declan replied.

"But..." Fiona started.

"We'll go with you, and you'll be fine." Holly J interupted.

Fiona stared at her and leaned back into the seat.

When they arived at the therapist's office, Declan and Holly J got out of the car. Fiona sat there, arms crossed.

Declan opened the door "Fi, we're here." he said. Fiona looked up and sighed as she stepped out of the car.

Holly J held open the door for Fiona and Declan.

When they were inside of the building Declan made an appointment. Fiona looked around the building. It was decorated plain. She hated it.

Holly J wrapped her arm around her friend. Fiona looked at her and faintly smiled.

Declan walked back towards them "Fiona your appointment is in ten minutes, today is a slow day."

Fiona rolled her eyes in disgust.

They sat in the waiting room. Fiona stared around the room nervously. Declan stared into space, obviously thinking about something.

Holly J stared at her stomach. She ran her hand over it over and over, feeling the noticeable bump. She smiled. She already loved this baby. Because it was her's, and because it was Declan's. She loved it. She thought of name's for it. Gracelynn, it sounded cute, Sophie, yes she liked that one, but it was the name of Declan's ex, that screwed the whole name up. If it was a boy, Landon... maybe Elliot.

"Fiona Coyne?" a man dressed in a black jacket and jeans asked.  
Declan got up, and Holly J did too, still smiling about thoughts of her baby.

"Fiona..." Declan said. "Fi!"

Fiona looked up, startled. She got up silently and followed the man, her brother and Holly J.

They reached a room with a couch, a desk, some chairs and a TV. Declan and Holly J sat on the couch, leaving space for Fiona in between them. She sat down quietly and stared at the floor.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Talid, but you can just call me Mark." the man said, "And I asume you're Fiona." he said, pointing to Fiona.

Fiona looked nervous and fearful, "How did you know?" she asked, fear in her voice.

Declan stared at his sister "Because, you're covered in bruises, because you're _acting_ like you need mental help?"

Fiona looked at him for a while, then let out a small laugh.

"Ok." began Mark "What can you share with me?"

Fiona looked at him, squinting her eyes. "Nothing."

Mark raised his eye brows. "Nothing? Ok. I see. Nothing at all."

"No."

"Ok, you'll talk when you're ready."

Fiona stared at the man, surprised he wasn't pressuring her to keep talking.

Silence filled the room. Declan held his sister's hand and Holly J stared at her feet, awkwardly.

A few minutes later Fiona sighed.

"My boyfriend... hurt me." Fiona stated, her voice cracked.

Declan squeezed her hand lightly.

Mark nodded and stared at her waiting to see if she had anything else to say.

"What else Fi?" Declan asked.

Fiona looked down.

"And he... he..." her voice cracked more and Holly J held her other hand. "He raped me."

"Ok. First of all, I'm so glad that you were brave enough to tell me all this." Mark started "Secondly, I want you to know that _none _of this is your fault."

Fiona struggled not to cry. She had heard all this before from Declan and Holly J, it was old news, but she couldn't help thinking that it was her fault. She could have prevented it, how was she so stupid? She let this happen to her. She was surprised when Declan didn't hate her for letting it happen.

"Fiona... Fiona... hey." Mark said, reaching out and nudging Fiona's hand. She gasped and looked up at him.

"Your brother and I were talking, he told me about the party, and the fainting at the pool."

Fiona looked away, she didn't want to think about that.

"Tell me, what were you thinking at that party?"

Fiona stared at him. How dare he ask her something like that? She sank back into the couch and was silent for the rest of the period, even when Declan tried to get her to talk. And all that Mark would say was "She'll take when she's ready." and "Time heals everything."

That was not true, Fiona thought, no, time could not heal this.

When they got home, Fiona fell asleep on the couch by Holly J who was sitting by her. It was for the mere purpose of helping her sleep, but Holly J was also thinking about her baby.

She got up when she realized that Fiona was finally asleep. She walked over to Declan who was cooking in the kitchen.

"We'd better prepare for this baby." she said, her hand was over her stomach, that was now even more noticable, at four months pregnant.

Declan turned to her.

"Which means?" Declan asked looking strangely at her.

"Do you even care about this baby?" she asked, pregnancy hormones kicking in.

"Yes, Holly J I do, I care so much, why would you think I didn't?" Declan asked.

"I don't know... I just... I..." she started crying.

"You're fine... it's ok..." Declan said hugging her.

Holly J sighed. "I am... I'm just, stupid." she said pulling out a chair from under the dining room table.

"No... not stupid..." Declan said "Just pregnant."

Holly J let out a laugh. She reached into the cabinet and pulled out a peice of bread spreading jam on it.

"What are you doing?" Declan asked "You hate Bread and Jelly."

"It's jam, actually and right now... right now I'm hungry."

Declan looked at her, and then to the pot bubbling on the stove. "But I'm cooking right now, it'll be done in five minutes."

"I'm hungry now, and I want bread!" Holly J insisted.

"Ok... ok calm down... you're acting pretty weird, but I'll accept that. Probably just pregnancy cravings."

Holly J rolled her eyes.

When the food was done. Holly J woke up Fiona, who came to the table and pushed around her food.

Holly J ate enormous amounts of mashed potatos, and nothing else.

Declan stared at her, before shaking his head and staring at Fiona.

"Why aren't you eating, did I do it wrong?" Declan asked in a way that told he was joking.

"No..." Fiona said, sounding very depressed.

"What's wrong then?" Holly J asked, getting up for more mashed potatos.

"I hate living like this. I hate feeling dirty all the time, and not being able to move with out hurting, because of him, not being able to sleep. I just wish I were dead!"

"Fi, don't say that!" Declan insisted. "Thoughts like that make me sick."

Fiona looked at him, her eyes saying that she wasn't kidding.  
"Fi, do we need to put you on suicide watch too?"

"No... I wouldn't do it."

After dinner, and a movie they all went to bed, in the same bed again. Declan was glad his bed was big.

Holly J had a dream...

-"Declan! It's happening!" Holly J screamed in her dream.

Declan rushed her to the hospital Fiona in the passenger side, and Holly J in the back.

In the dream, it hurt, it hurt and it was scary.

Holly J woke up taking deep breaths.

Fiona woke up too.

"Normally it's me who wakes up like that." she said looking over at Holly J with a smile. She noticed that Holly J wasn't smiling or joking, but crying.

"Hey... what's the matter?" Fiona asked shifting so she could see Holly J better.

"I am scared to death." Holly J stated, still taking deep breaths.

"About that?" Fiona said, looking towards Holly J's stomach.

"I can't have it, I _can't_! I'm physically unable. I'm only 17 years old!"

"Tons of people have had babies everyday. You're going to be ok... I promise."

It didn't help much, but it helped a little.

"When did you start liking me?" Holly J asked.

"Liking you? I never had a problem with you." Fiona answered. "I was just a little jelous."

Holly J stared at her. She knew that family was all Fiona had, especially now.

"You have been really great to me." Fiona said. "I have to be good to you, and my future niece or nephew." Fiona smiled. "Are you ok now?"

"I'm great." Holly J answered, or rather lied.

They both went back to sleep.

More? Not more? Which do you like more of, Fiona, or Holly J?


	6. A Bad Mark In School, A Bad Mark On Skin

Holly J woke up before anyone else at seven thirty-six. She turned and looked at Declan and Fiona. Fiona must have had another night fit, because Declan was sleeping with his arms wrapped around her, and the covers were twined all around her. Her face was red and puffy.

Holly J walked into the kitchen and decided to make breakfast.

Fiona woke up next, for a change, she usually woke up last. She was careful in rolling out of Declan's arms. She didn't want to wake him again. She was already upset that almost everynight she woke him up. It had to be annoying.

She walked into the kitchen.

"Bacon, orange slices, and blue berry muffins." Fiona laughed. "That's nice."

Holly J looked up from the bacon she had on the pan.

"I wanted to have it, and I'm the one making it, so shut up!"

Fiona knew this was probably just hormones, but she couldn't help feeling hurt. She sat down at the kitchen table and watched Holly J eat.

"What are you looking at?" Holly J asked.

Fiona just raised her eye brows.

"I'm sorry." Holly J said "This isn't me." she said raising her hands in the air. "This is the baby."

Fiona smiled. "Have you guys started getting a room all ready for the baby?"

Holly J tilted her head thinking. "No...we could do that today though."

Fiona sighed "After therapy?"

"Of course after therapy, you don't think we'd go with out you!"

Fiona smiled and walked across the table.

"You guys don't have to go with me to therapy, if you don't want." Fiona told her.

"Oh no, of course we can go with you, it's not a problem! Holly J insisted.

"Honestly, I'd rather you _not _go."

"Why?" Holly J asked.

"I don't want you guys to hear everything. Mark is a complete stranger, and he can hear it, he hears stuff like it every day, but if you come you'll know it all and picture it... picture _me_. No, you guys can't hear that."

Holly J had already pictured it. She tended to picture everything in her mind.

"Do you think we'd want to picture it?" Holly J asked, trying not to to picture Fiona getting hurt.

"No, but you won't be able to avoid it, trust me." Fiona replied.

Declan came down. He laughed a little at Holly J's choice in breakfast, before grabbing a muffin and asking "Fiona, are you ready to go back to school?"

Fiona looked up at him cautiously.

"It starts again in two days." Declan added.

Fiona stared down at her plate.

Holly J also didn't like the idea of going back to school. She was visably pregnant, and she knew she'd get some remarks, but she didn't say anything to Declan about it.

"We can try to transfer." Declan said, realizing that Fiona didn't like the idea.

Fiona didn't want to make her brother transfer again, and have to make new friends, realize new scheduals.

"No, I'm fine."

Holly J quickly changed the subject. "Declan... how about shopping for the baby today?"

Declan smiled at her. "That'd be fun." he said.

"Fiona and I were thinking, after therapy?"

"Sure."

Fiona looked up at her brother, "I don't want you guys to go with me to therapy."

"Why not?"

Fiona told him the same thing she had told Holly J.

"Ok, Fi, are you sure?"

"Yes, Decs, I am. I can do this."

"Ok..." Declan sounded as if he wasn't sure. He walked past his sister to put his plate in the sink. As he walked back he stopped near her.

"If you need something, you tell me ok. Get out of that man's office if you want me."

Fiona smiled up at him. "You're the best," she said "You truely are."

In a few hours they were driving to therapy. Fiona waited in the waiting room sitting by Declan.

"Fiona Coyne?" Mark asked

Fiona got up and left Holly J and Declan there. They stared after her as she walked into the room.

"Ok, Fiona. Today we're going to talk about why you think this is your fault."

Fiona stared at him. "Because I could have prevented it."

"But he was the one who did it." The man raised his hand to swat a fly. Fiona flinched.

"I won't hurt you." Mark told her. That was what Bobby had said.

Fiona stared at her feet. She was thinking she just made a terrible mistake. Alone, with a man, behind closed doors.

The man was saying something to her, but she had zoned out. There was fear rising in her stomach.

"Ok do you understand?" Mark asked.

Fiona stared at him. "Get out of my head!" she screamed she started to get up but Mark reached out and held her hand tightly.

Fiona saw this and yanked away, crying. She ran out to her brother who immediantaly got up when he saw her. He hugged her and rubbed her back.  
"Fi... what happened?"

Mark came out of his office. "She had a break down."

Declan looked down at his weeping sister. "I don't think we'll be coming anymore." he said.

They walked out of the building and got into the car.

He turned to Fiona. "What happened Fi?"

She looked at him. "He was just like Bobby!"

"What did he do that was like Bobby?"

"Honestly, for a second, I thought he _was_ Bobby." Fiona said. "I guess I'm just stupid."

Declan took her hand "You can't say that, you are not stupid. You're scared."

Fiona looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

They pulled into the parking lot of Baby's R Us. Holly J looked around the store and smiled. Little shoes, little shirts. Everything was cute!

Declan put his arm around her.

"Do you guys know if it's a boy or a girl?" Fiona asked, annoyed that she was getting so many stares from people. She didn't feel like wearing makeup sometimes, and all of her bruises were visable.

"No... and if we knew, you'd know." Declan said.

"Maybe we can get an ultra-sound soon." Holly J suggested. "I'm nearly seven months now."

"Want to?" Declan asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Only if you do."

"I do."

"Ok...I'll schedual for one!"

Fiona was looking at the baby shoes.

"Fi, we're going to get an ultra sound on Monday after school, then come back ok?"

Fiona looked up, "Ok..." she whispered.

"Fi, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Fiona answered "I just... school... never mind."

"You sure?" Declan asked putting his arm around her.

"Yeah..."

They got back in the car. Fiona looked straight in front of her all the way home. When they got back, she sat on the couch and stared at the TV which wasn't turned on.

Declan took a shower, and Holly J was researching pregnancy. Holly J noticed Fiona just sitting there, and decided to walk over to her.

"Fiona, what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, I can see _that _but why?"

"I'm just trying to think."

Holly J sat down beside her.

"Mind if I think with you?"

Fiona shook her head.

They sat in silence for a long time before Holly J said, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"I can." Fiona answered. Holly J looked over at her.

"You're Holly J Sinclair, and if I know anything about you, I know that you're strong."

Holly J smiled at her.

"And what about you, Fiona?" Holly J asked. "What have you been thinking about?"

"The only thing I ever think about anymore."

Holly J put her arm around her friend, and gave her a little shake.

"You're strong too." she said

Fiona looked at her, "Not as strong as _him_."

"No, you're stronger, only losers do that to people."

Fiona yawned. "I think I'm going to try to go to sleep, in my own room tonight."

"Ok. Good luck!" Holly J said.

Fiona walked upstairs. And into her room.

Holly J sat alone in the living room until Declan came down.

"Where's Fi?"

"She went upstairs. She says she's trying to sleep by herself again."

Declan sat beside Holly J.

"Tomarow and we'll be able to _see_ our baby!" he said excitedly.

"I'm tired, want to go to sleep?" Holly J asked, smiling at the thought of actually _seeing_ her baby.

"Sure."

The two walked upstairs and fell asleep.

Fiona didn't go to sleep. She sat in her room, jumping at every sound. She covered her hands in her face and began crying. She started to think of the times Bobby hurt her.

-"Fiona, want to come to my house after school?" Bobby had asked.

"Of course!" Fiona answered with a smile.

That night Fiona had been so excited. She had walked into Bobby's house, and he had lead her up the stairs to his room. She sat down on the edge of his bed.

"So what do you have planned?" Fiona had asked.

Bobby had pulled her into a kiss. Fiona let it happen, even though she didn't quite enjoy it.

He pushed her down onto the bed, she quickly got up.

"Bobby, no... we've barely dated!" Fiona insisted.

"Fiona... I love you and I just want to show it."

"No!" Fiona had screamed, running out the door.  
"Where do you think you're going?" Bobby screamed grabbing her wrist and yanking her back.

"Ow!" she yelped.

He haden't done it that night. He'd just punched her, for not listening to him.

She walked home and put on makeup. No one could know she had let this happen to her.

It was three weeks after when he had found her walking home from school.

"Come to my house, Fifi." Bobby asked. He had been hurting her everyday.

"No." Fiona had said.

Bobby grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her along with him.

"Leave me alone!" she had screamed. He didn't listen.

He hauled Fiona up to his room.

He took her virginity, no matter how loud she screamed, how hard she fought.

When he was done he threw her clothes at her. Her shirt was wripped. She put them on, despite all the bruises that made her muscles tighten with pain.

She tried to get out as soon as possible. "See you later Fifi!" Bobby had said he had kissed her again. And she walked home and changed her clothes, added more makeup.

She sat on her bed all day. Declan came in.

"Fi, what's wrong, you've been acting off lately."

"I...I just got a bad mark in school, that's it."

Declan wrapped his arm around her, "Well, you can pull it back up easily, you're smart."

Fiona looked up at him, and wished it was that simple.-

Fiona snapped out of her flashback, she was breathing deeply. She stared at the clock, realizing it was 1 am. She had school tomarow, school with Bobby.

She closed her eyes to try to go to sleep. But she couldn't.

She walked into Declan's room.

"Can I sleep with you?" she asked, her voice broke, and she sounded like a little girl.

Declan sat up and reached for her hand.

"Of course."

Fiona smiled greatfully, yet at the same time, she felt scared, again, like it was all starting over.

She crawled into the bed with Declan and Holly J.

Holly J was having another nightmare about pregnancy.


	7. Cold

In Holly J's dream she was having the baby, but Declan wasn't there. And, everytime she would call out to him, he would walk away.

Holly J woke up crying, but she didn't wake up anyone else. She stared in to space and hugged herself. Then she placed her hand over her stomach, and she felt a kick.

She was still scared, still terrified, but when she felt the kick she smiled. It was the first time she had ever cried because she was scared, and smiled because she was happy. She reached over and moved Declan's hand to her stomach, even though he was asleep.

Declan woke up as she was moving his hand. "What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"Feel." Holly J answered.

Declan felt and the baby kicked.

Declan smiled the biggest smile she had ever seen.

"That's our baby!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, that's our baby."

The next morning Fiona woke up to an alarm clock, and put on her school clothes.

Declan and Holly J were already ready and eating breakfast. When Holly J saw Fiona walk into the kitchen she smiled and grabbed Fiona's hand.

"Ow!" Fiona exclaimed.

"I... I'm sorry, I'm just really excited! Feel my stomach!" Holly J squealed.

Fiona placed her hand on Holly J's stomach and felt the kick. She smiled and placed her hand on Holly J's shoulder. "That's great, I'm so excited! That baby will be here before we know it!"

Holly J's smile half disapeared.

When Fiona saw this she quickly added "And you'll do great."

Fiona sat down at the table and turned to Declan.

"What if he sees me?" she asked, nervously.

"Just avoid him all you can. If he's in the same class as you, than ignore him."

Fiona looked at Declan, wondering just how he could think that she would be able to do that.

"She can't just forget what happened." Holly J stated. "He hurt her."

Declan stared at both of the girls. "Well, I didn't want her to forget. I wanted her to try to pretend like he's not there."

Holly J shook her head. "That's got to be a hard thing to do."

Declan agreed.

"Well, we're in most of the same classes, and Holly J is too. We can be there to make sure nothing happens." Declan said.

Fiona took a deep breath. "I don't even want to _see_ him."

"You'll be fine." Holly J assured. "I know you will."

And with that they headed off to school.

Fiona was almost glad that Holly J was noticably pregnant. It turned more heads away from her bruises, and to Holly J instead. But, she felt bad, because she knew how it felt to be the center of everyone's attention.

As they walked down the hall Fiona saw Bobby. She stopped in her tracks.

"Come on," Holly J said "We aren't going to let _him_ make us late for class!"

He walked over to Fiona.  
"Hey Fifi..."

Fiona didn't look up. Bobby tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Don't pretend like nothing happened!" Holly J said.

"Oh... and who's your pregnant friend?" Bobby asked.

"Get away from my sister!" Declan screamed pushing Bobby aside.

Bobby and Declan got into a fist fight.

"Stop!" Holly J screamed backing away from the two.

Fiona ran up the stairs of the school, crying. She kept going and going and running until she found herself on the roof. She almost ran off the edge before she realized it.

And that's what gave her the idea. She stood at the very edge and stared down. She could end it all right here. It would never hurt again. She almost stepped off before someone grabbed her arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Declan screamed, angry.

Fiona colapsed into his arms, crying.

Declan grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard. "Were you trying to get yourself killed? he yelled angrily.

Fiona was still crying, loudly, choking over her tears.

"We're leaving early!" he yelled at her. He held on to her wrist tightly, even though she was crying. He hauled her down the stairs and pulled her out the door, and to the car that Holly J was already in.

"What happened?" Holly J asked on the way home.

Declan shook his head angrily, but silently. Holly J was sitting in the passenger's side and Fiona sat alone in the back, still crying.

Holly J decided to drop the matter.

Declan didn't talk to Fiona the rest of the day.

He and Holly J went to get the ultra sound.

"Wait for me!" Fiona had said.

Declan didn't even look at her.

"We can't go with out Fiona!"

Declan stared at her and walked out the door. Holly J looked confused, and she followed him. They left to get the ultra sound.

Fiona sat alone on the couch. She wished she had ended it. She almost thought about doing it again, getting a knife, or a razor. No, she couldn't it would break Declan's heart, Holly J's too. And she wanted to meet her niece or nephew.

She sat on the couch and cried. She didn't want to upset Declan. But oh well, he could never stay mad at her for long.

That night they all went to sleep.

"I think you should try to sleep in your own bed." Declan said.

Fiona stared at him, tilting her head. Why was he punishing her so bad?

Holly J stared at Declan, and decided to go to her room, she'd let this be private.

Declan started to walk to his room.  
"Declan..." Fiona choked out.

He slowley turned around.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, her voice was just like a small child's.

Declan sighed and took Fiona's hand, "You _scare_ me when you do stuff like that!" he said loud and stern, almost a yell.

Fiona looked down.

"You were being..." Declan hesitated, but decided to finish anyway, "You were being _stupid._" he stated "Completley and utterly _stupid._"

Fiona stared at him, tears in her eyes.

"Don't ever do something like that again, ok?" Declan's voice was getting softer.

He grabbed her shoulders again "Ok? Promise me that."

Fiona looked down "Yeah... I won't..." she muttered.

Declan wrapped his arms around his sister and guided her to his room. Holly J was already asleep. And for once, All three of them had nightmares.

Holly J about giving birth, Fiona about Bobby, and Declan that Fiona was gone.


	8. I'm Fine

(This chapter takes after Declan and Holly J leave to get the ultra sound)

"What happened? Why are you so mad at her?" Holly J asked, pointing the air conditioning in the car at her.

Declan sighed, "Why am I so mad at her?" he asked, looking at the small brown bruise that Bobby had made on his arm. "I'm so mad at her because she was on the roof, she was about to _jump_."

Holly J sighed. "She's going through a lot, you can't do this to her to top it off."

Declan reached over and held Holly J's hand. He held it the rest of the way to the hospital.

The green jelly like substance was spread on Holly J's stomach.

The woman giving her the ultra sound smiled at them.

"This, is your baby's head." she pointed out, "and here's it's right arm."

Holly J covered her mouth, seeing her baby on that screen, it was there, she had a _baby_ inside of her.

"Would you like to know the gender?" the woman asked.

Holly J looked at Declan, who said "Yes."

"It looks like you two will be having... a baby girl!" the woman said.

"Good," Declan said, "That's what I was hoping for, a little girl, who'll look just like my beautiful Holly J."

Holly J smiled at him, unable to speak.

When they got home Fiona was sitting on the couch. Holly J sat beside her but didn't say anything. When she went into her room Declan was screaming at Fiona. She didn't know what happened, but eventually, Declan came into the room with Fiona with him.

In Declan's dream, Fiona jumped off of the roof, and went to the hospital, and died there. Declan woke up, the fear that was inside him slowley drained out of him.

He turned over and saw Fiona, she was crying softly in her sleep, but Declan didn't wake her up. Instead he wrapped his arms around her and inhaled her scent, he didn't want to forget it.

Declan didn't wake up Fiona or Holly J when he got up at 8 am. If they decided to go to school now, they'd be late, and Declan wasn't too eager to go back to school anyway.

He was trying to think. If Fiona went nuts at school, and at the therapist's, at pretty much any place she was at, how was he supposed to help her?

Fiona walked into the living room, where Declan was.

"What did I miss at the ultra sound?" she asked glumly.

"It's a girl." Declan stated with no emotion.

He felt like he should say he was sorry for treating Fiona the way he did yesterday. Then he convinced himself not to. Fiona cannot act like she is going to jump off of buildings.

"I wish I could have been there." Fiona said, looking at her brother.

How could she make him feel so guilty?

"Well, today we're going shopping for her, you can come."

Fiona didn't even try to smile. She felt terrible, she felt sick and her stomach heaved.

Declan decided he _had_ to apologize. He couldn't stand how sad she looked.

"Fi, I'm sorry. You just upset me, so much. I couldn't stand losing you. I couldn't."

Fiona didn't look up. She didn't feel like seeing anyone, she didn't feel like seeing Declan even, not after what he did yesterday. She knew he was just being cross with her out of love, of course. It is probably a great surprise seeing your sister about to jump off the roof. She'd probably be mad at Declan if he did the very same thing.

Declan wrapped his arm around his sister, but she pried it off and walked she walked past the bathroom she heard Holly J throwing up. She knocked on the door lightly.  
"Holly J, you ok in there? Need help?"

Holly J didn't answer.

Fiona opened the door and held Holly J's hair back for her. After about a minute Holly J looked up and rinsed her mouth.

Holly J smiled a bit when she looked up at Fiona.

"Thanks," she said "That was probably a little gross to you."

Fiona made a funny face, "A bit..." she said.

Holly J sat on the toilet lid. "Tell me why you were on the roof, please."

Fiona rolled her eyes, why did everyone want to know this?

"It's not a big deal, just act like it didn't happen."

"You can't act like something like that didn't happen." Holly J insisted.

Fiona looked down, and then up at Holly J. Suddenly she ran up the stairs and Holly J followed her.

"I'm fine! Ok? Is _that_ what you want to hear?" Fiona yelled.

Holly J stared at Fiona, wondering what she should do. "No, I want to know the truth, and to help you and..."

"_I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine!_ I'M FINE!" Fiona screamed, covering her ears. She sank to the floor crying, still covering her ears.

Declan was standing at the end of the hall. Holly J looked towards him for help. He walked over to Fiona and knelt down beside her.

He didn't say anything or touch her. He just sat there, beside his sister. Because just then, he realized something, he realized for the first time that it was _not_ fine.

Holly J watched them for a while before she went off to take a shower, and when she got out and went to bed, they were still like that.

The whole time they didn't talk, or even look at each other. After awhile Fiona stopped crying, and began hiccuping and sniffling instead.

Finally, Declan broke the silence.

"You're right." he told her. She stared at him with a questioning look.

"Right about what?"

"This." Declan replied.

"This?"

"All of this, it's _not_ fine, and it's _not_ ok."

Fiona stared at him. This was a change. She wondered what made him think this.

"You getting hurt like this, and not able to sleep, that's something we _have_ to deal with. That is _not_ something I'm ok with." Declan said "And I don't even want to _think_ about the roof incident."

Fiona layed her head on his shoulder and he wrapped her arm around her.

Fiona accidentally fell asleep, but woke up when she heard Declan's voice.

"We have to find some way to help you, because right now, it isn't fine. But someday it will be."


	9. 2:42 am

The next day Declan turned to his sister,

"You have to talk to me Fi." he said.

Fiona looked at him. "It's hard, ok?"

Declan looked at her. "I'm sure it is."

Fiona opened her mouth to reply when they both heard Holly J scream upstairs.

Declan ran up the stairs faster then he had ever before. Holly J looked completley upset.

"What's wrong?" Declan asked in a worried voice.

"My stomach hurts! I think it's contractions!"

"But it's a half month early!"  
"Duh, that's the _problem_!" Holly J shot back.

Declan yelled down the stairs "Fi, get the car ready, ok, get in the car and start it, you drive!"

He helped Holly J down the stairs and into the car. Fiona started to drive.

"Which way do I go?" Fiona asked.

"Right!"

Fiona turned and finally they got to the hospital.

Holly J was taken to a room.

"Is she ok?" Declan asked the nurse.

"Yes, she's fine, the baby will be fine, it's barley early, at most your baby will be a tiny bit smaller than normal.

Declan sighed a sigh of relief.

He held Holly J's hand the whole time. Near the end Holly J took a deep breath.

"I can't _do_ it!" she said.

"Of course you can." Declan assured, "Just a few more pushes, you'll be fine!"

Fiona who was staring out the window the whole time took one glance at Holly J and got up, covered her mouth to keep from throwing up. Finally she gathered her courage, and walked toward Holly J.  
"Come on Holly J, please?" she said, still trying to keep from throwing up.

Holly J finally had the baby at 2:42 am, she weighed 5 pounds and 6 ounces. They named her Ellie Michelle.

Fiona woke up, she had been sleeping for a while in the hospital chairs.

She looked over at Holly J, who was asleep with Ellie.

Ellie started crying and Declan got up and cradled her, she immediantally stopped crying.

Fiona hadn't seen Declan cry since he was nine years old, but he was crying now, out of happiness.

Declan noticed Fiona staring at him. "Do you want to hold her?" he asked.

Fiona smiled and nodded.

Declan placed the tiny baby in Fiona's arms. She was already falling asleep again.

"Ellie already likes her Aunt Fiona." Declan remarked.

Fiona smiled at the baby and then up at Declan.

Declan sat down in the soft chair that was beside Fiona.

"Good thing we went shopping yesterday." he said.

Fiona looked up at him and laughed.

Holly J woke up and asked for a glass of water, so Declan left to get her one. While he was gone Fiona smiled at Holly J.

"You're awesome." she said.

Holly J looked at her curiously. "What exactly did I do that was so _awesome_?"

"This, just doing _this_!" Fiona exclaimed.

Holly J smiled. "Thank you."

"Do you want your baby?" Fiona asked.

Holly J nodded, and held Ellie's head close to her's.

"How much do you love Ellie?" Holly J asked suddenly.

"A lot, why?" Fiona asked looking at Holly J strangely.

"Ellie wouldn't want her aunt to be going crazy, like you do all the time, she's going to love you too."

Fiona ignored the comment. She didn't think it was possible to ever be the way she was, before Bobby.

Declan brought Holly J's water and Fiona tried to sleep again. She had another nightmare, about Bobby hurting her. She had a dream that she could never get away, and he would always be able to hurt her, even if he was far away. She was afraid that would become reality.

Declan woke her up.

"You were crying, I thought I might wake you up..." Declan said.

Fiona looked at him. "I'll never be the same." she told him.

"What makes you think that?" Declan asked.

"It's been so long and I haven't changed, I can't. It's all my fault that you guys can't sleep anymore, or go to parties, you guys can't even leave me alone!"

"Fi, nothing's your fault, it's all _his_ fault."

Fiona remembered what Bobby had told her, "Fifi, you never want to spend time with me, I just want you to visit once in a while, we can't be in a healthy relationship."

"Fiona, the only reason I hit you is because I love you so much, you're the one who's making me act like this."

"Hey, don't cry, the bruise is easy to hide, I just got a little worked up, it won't happen again."

His voice flashed through her mind over and over again. Excuses. It _wasn't_ her fault. Right? Everyone said so, now she just had to believe it. It was hard to.

"Fi, are you listening to me?" Declan asked.

"He told me it wouldn't happen again, maybe he's changed." Fiona said in a dreamy voice

Fiona wanted so much for him to, she wanted someone to love her, Declan did, Holly J did. That was all. She wanted someone else to.

"Fiona, are you kidding? He has _not_ changed! Where have you been?"

Fiona looked back up at Declan and sighed, "No body likes me, because I am dumb and..."

The nurse came in and interupted the conversation. She said that they could go home.

As soon as possible they checked out and went home.

Declan smiled as he watched Holly J hold Ellie. When Fiona walks in the room he turns to her instead. They haden't talked since they were at the hospital.

"You were kidding, at the hospital right?" Declan asked seriously.

"Of course..." Fiona answered "Yes, I was kidding."

Declan reached for her hand and guided her to the couch to sit by him. He wrapped his arm around her and said "You scare me so badley."

"I'm sorry." Fiona said, just above a whisper.

"It's not your fault though." Declan insisted.

Fiona struggled to hold back tears. "I think I'll take a walk outside."

"Want me to come with you?" Declan asked.

"No... I need to go alone."

"Ok... call me if you need anything ok, make sure you have your cell."

Fiona nodded and headed out the door. She walked straight to Bobby's house.  
She knocked on the door and Bobby answered.

"Hello Fifi." he said happily.

"Stop it Bobby, don't even pretend."

Fiona was angry that he would do this to her, everything. It made her change, her personality, she hated him.

Fiona walked in the door and sat on the couch.

He sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her and kissed her. She tried to pull away, but it didn't work, so she had to let him kiss her until he was done.

"You can't pretend like nothing happened!" Fiona said, standing up from the couch.

Bobby got up too are grabbed her wrist, making it hurt badely. She froze, this was all to familiar.

-I left it at a cliff hanger, because I don't particularly like this chapter, I don't think it's as good as the rest of them. Reveiws if you want more.-


	10. Yes No Stop it!

Fiona didn't speak or move at all. She was too scared.

Suddenly and swiftly, she reached for her phone with her free hand, she pressed "1" it would speeddile Declan. He picked up on the first ring. "Declan help!" she tried to say, but all she got out was the D in Declan before Bobby smacked the phone to the floor, breaking it.

Fiona inhaled sharply and stared at her broken phone on the floor in disbelief. She started breathing deeply, sharply. She fainted.

Declan was frantic after he had answered Fiona's call. He thought he had heard her voice on the other line, then there was a crash, and the line went dead.

"Holly J stay here with Ellie." Declan said quickly, getting up and grabbing his car keys.

"What, why?" Holly J asked, sounding almost equally as worried.

"Just stay here." Declan answered, slamming the door behind him. He got in the car and drove as fast as he could, breaking the speed limit, luckily,he didn't see any police, and if there were some, they didn't see him.

He went straight to Bobby's house, that had to be were she was. He was hoping that on the way he might see her, at the mall asking for money, or a ride home. He knew he wouldn't, but he hoped.

He got out of the car at Bobby's house and pounded on the door frantically. "Open the god damned door!" he screamed. He waited no more than two second with out and answer before he walked to the other side of the house and punched the window with his fist, and went in.

Inside, Bobby heard the knocks and dragged Fiona up the stairs and locked both of them in the bathroom.

"Fiona!" he screamed. He shook her, slapped her, punched her, pounded the floor beside her. He grabbed a washrag and soaked it with cold water and slapped her with that too. He kicked her in the side, she wouldn't wake up, and in desperation, Bobby screamed. Downstairs Declan heard this and rushed upstairs, opening every door until he got to the bathroom and discovered it was locked. He pounded once before he kicked in the thin door.

He saw Fiona's unmoving body on the floor, wet, bruised.  
"She just, fainted..." Bobby said trying to make up excuses.

Declan didn't reply, he just pushed past him and picked up his sister and rushed her out to the car, and to the hospital. He was crying.

When they got to the hospital, they immediantally hooked up many tubes to Fiona and sent her into a room.

"She'll wake up, but this one was much more serious than the _last_ one." the nurse told Declan.

Then she asked "Do you know the cause of this, does it have anything to do with the bruises?"

Declan sighed "I don't think she'd wish for me to tell."

"You might think about it anyway." the nurse said.

Declan shook his head.  
"Ok." the nurse said "But if it keeps happening..." she stopped and walked out of the room.

Declan held Fiona's hand and stared at her, once in awhile brushing the hair away from her face, she was breathing, her chest moving up and down, slowly.

Declan heard footsteps and looked up. It was Bobby.

Declan tried to ignore him, but it was hard.

"I'm here to see my girlfriend." Bobby said. Declan didn't look up, his anger began rising in his body.

Bobby took one more step towards Fiona.

Declan's voice was rough, but he was crying "If I were you I would get out of this room unless you are planning on staying overnight in a hospital bed too." his fists were clenched tightly.

Bobby took a deep breath "I'm sorry, for treating her the way I did, and doing... what I did to her."

Declan stared at the boy, he was not a convincing actor. Declan stared at him until he left.

When Declan turned back to Fiona her eyes were open and she was staring at him.

"Decs..." she managed to say... but her voice got choked up.

Declan smiled and knelt over the bed. "Fi, oh god Fi!" he said

"What happened?"

"Well, the black eye that was on your left eye is almost gone, but there's another fresh one on your right."

Fiona slowly reached up and put her hand over her right eye, then slowly let her hand slide down the rest of her face.

"I don't remember..." Fiona said.  
"Remember what, Fi?"

"Him punching me." Fiona said, shaking her head, "He just hurt my arm, and broke my phone and..."

"Don't worry about anything, except for now." Declan said "Just don't _ever_ see him again, I mean it, these things will happen if you do."

Fiona stared at her hands that were clasped in front of her.

"We're back to the beginning." she said. "All the way back, I'm farther from being cured then I ever was."

"Cured?" Declan asked "What are you talking about?"  
"I was starting to get better, but I'm back to normal now, and everything is how it was before." Fiona stated in a shakey voice.

"I don't think you were." Declan said.

Fiona stared at him.

"You need to go to the counsaling, Holly J told me why you didn't want us to go with you, but you _have_ to go ok?"

Fiona bit her bottom lip and shook her head no, tears streaming down her face.

"You need help, Fi."

Fiona looked up at him and saw that he was crying.

"Declan, don't cry. Don't cry for me."

"Then go to the damn counsalor!" Declan said. Fiona stared at him and wished he would understand why exactly she didn't want to go.

They were both quiet for a long time.

"That was cool, what you did, with Bobby." Fiona stated.

"You were awake then?"

"Yeah..." Fiona replied.

Changing the subject Fiona asked "Where's Holly J?"

"Home with Ellie." Declan said, "I'd better call her and tell her you're awake."

"No, don't wake her up." Fiona insisted. "She's probably tired.

"When she heard about you, she was really worried." Declan said "I should call her anyway."

Fiona didn't object, she just stared at the other end of the room, at an ugly picture, of a flower. It barely looked like one.

"Holly J?"

"Yeah, she is. I know, How's Ellie?" he let out a chuckle, to what ever Holly J replied. "Ok, do you mind if I stay here with her?" he asked.

Fiona stared at him, "No, you go home." she said.  
"One second." Declan said to the phone.

"I can't leave you hear you'll have nightmares."

Fiona shook her head, "Go home with Holly J and your baby."

"I can't..." Declan began.

"Just go." Fiona muttered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go home and be a daddy."

"Umm, no, Fiona told me to, yeah, she wants me to go home, so yeah, I'll be there." Declan spoke to the phone.

"Yeah, love you, bye." Declan said with a smile as he closed his phone.

He gave Fiona a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back in the morning." he told her.

"Bye." she said, and then Declan was gone.

Fiona stared out the window, at the lights of the cars passing by. They looked so small, like she was compared to Bobby.

As soon as Declan left, Fiona wished he was still there. She pushed the button to call the nurse into her room.

The nurse came in and smiled "You're awake." she said.

Fiona nodded her head.

"Did you need something?"

"_Yes_" Fiona's mind said _"I need you to help me, please, I don't know what to do anymore."_

"A glass of water please." Fiona said, choking back what she really wanted to say.

"Ok, with or without ice?"

"It doesn't matter." Fiona almost whispered, referring to her life, not ice.

"Ok, I'll be back." the nurse said with an obvious fake smile.

As soon as the nurse was gone, Bobby appeared in the corner of the room. "Hey Fifi," he said walking towards her. "Want to have fun?"

"No..." Fiona said, her voice shaking.

"You might not want to, but I do." Bobby said, getting closer.

"Get away..." Fiona said, a statement she tried to make athoritive, but instead was soft.

The nurse stood outside the hall with a glass of water. She heard the patient inside talking. She walked in the door.

The girl had her hands on the sides of her head. "Stop get away!" she was screaming, crying.

The nurse looked around, no one was in the room.  
"No one is here." the nurse said softly.  
Fiona looked up at the nurse, and Bobby was gone.

"He was here." she said in a hushed voice. "He was."

"Is there something you want to talk about?" the nurse asked.

"_Yes."_ Fiona's mind told her. "No." she spoke aloud. "No..." she repeated quieter.

"_Tell her_" her mind spoke "I can't!" Fiona said aloud.

_"If you tell her it'll be over._" her mind said again "No, you don't understand!" Fiona screamed.

_"You have to."_

"No!"

_"You have to now!"_

"Stop it no I don't!"

_"You're talking to yourself, you're crazy!"_

"I am not crazy!" Fiona screamed, covering her face with her hands and pulling at her own hair. She cried loudly.

The nurse was quiet. When Fiona's weeping was softer, the nurse asked "Where do you want me to put your water?"

"Just take it away!" Fiona said.

_"You'll want it later."_ Bobby said from the corner of the room.

"Shut up!"

The nurse put the water on the table beside the bed.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" she asked "Or a family member called?"

"_Yes call Declan."_

"I can't! No, I don't!" Fiona screamed.

The nurse left saying "Tell me if you need something."

"I need to go to sleep." Fiona said aloud.  
_"You can't with out Declan."_

"Yes I can."

_"You'll have nightmares."_

Fiona stared out the window.

When Declan got home from the hospital he foudn Holly J looking terribly tired and stressed. "Will you make her go back to sleep?" she asked Declan in a harsh voice.

"Of course." Declan said, sweeping the hair from Holly J's face. Holly J smiled a little. While Declan took Ellie from him and rocked her slowly until she was asleep.

"How's Fiona?" Holly J asked

"She seemed fine." Declan said in a quiet voice. He was wondering what she was doing now.

-Want more? Review if you do -


	11. Dropping the Water

Declan got up early in the morning. He couldn't wait to see Fiona. He kissed Holly J on the forehead. "I'm going to get Fiona."

She smiled at him. "Can you check on Ellie in the nursery for me, I checked on her about 20 minutes ago, but just..."

"Of course." Declan said, smiling at Holly J. "You need some more sleep."

Holly J nodded and rolled over, yawning.

Declan walked into the nursery and looked at little Ellie, she was asleep in her crib, it was pastel pink and yellow. Ellie moved her hands and one of her legs. Declan smiled down at her, she had blue eyes, like the Coyne's. but she had a lot of hair, the color of Holly J's.

Declan looked back at her one more time before heading out the door and into the car. He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, and walked in, telling the woman at the desk where he was going. He pressed the button on the elevator and waited for the doors to open. When they did he walked to Fiona's room, the door was open. He stopped outside the door when he heard Fiona's voice.

"Of course not!"

"No!"

"You're stupid for even thinking that!"

"Stop!"

"Get away!"

"You aren't being logical!"

"Yeah, but you don't understand!"  
"Get out of my head!"

Declan walked in

"Interupting something, Fi?" Declan asked, in a confused voice.  
_"Tell him everything, and don't leave out the details."_

"No..." Fiona said, ignoring her thoughts.

"Who were you talking to?"  
"No one." Fiona said, making herself laugh like he was crazy. "I wasn't talking at all."

"Yes you were, I heard you." Declan said, studying his sister "You've been crying."

_"Yes you HAVE been crying, maybe you should tell him why."_

"No I can't!"

"Excuse me?" Declan asked, a little confused.

"Yes, I was crying, get me out of here!" Fiona said staring at Declan.  
"Ok..." Declan said. "I'm going to go talk to the nurses."

_"Maybe you should stay in the hospital, for mental help_."

"I don't need help!"

Declan looked back at Fiona strangely and then walked out of the room.

"What are you doing Fiona?" she asked herself. "What is happening to you?"

Bobby appeared "_You can't get away from me."_

"Just leave me alone!" she screamed, covering her face with her hands.  
Declan entered the room "Fiona, are you talking to yourself?"

Fiona was still staring at the corner of the room. She picked up the glass of water the nurse had gave her and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall and broke into many pieces.

"Fiona, what the hell?" Declan said rushing over to the corner of the room, picking up the glass pieces. A nurse walked in.

"What's going on in here?" she asked.

"I dropped a glass of water." Declan said, glancing at Fiona who was taking deep breaths, staring at the corner of the room, still. "I'm sorry." he added, trying to clean the glass off the floor, and mop up the water with a rag.

"We'll take care of it, you two may go."

"Come on Fi." Declan said, grabbing Fiona by the hand. She got up and stared at the corner of the room, coldly as she walked past it.

When they got out to the car Fiona got in the passenger's side and stared ahead. Declan walked around to the other side and got in.

"What's going on, why did you throw that water?" He tried to keep himself from sounding angry.

"He was there, you saw him, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't."

_"Of course he didn't, he wasn't there, you're crazy."_

"Stop!" Fiona yelled.

"I can't stop the car Fiona." Declan replied, "Not here."

"I wasn't talking to you." Fiona said in a harsh, angry voice.

"That proves it!" Declan exclained "You're talking to yourself!"

"Are you saying I'm insane, or crazy?"  
"No... that's not what I'm saying it's just, you're acting strange, weird, maybe you need some help." Declan said softly, reaching over for Fiona's hand.

They were silent for a long while before Fiona started crying.

"Hey... what's wrong?"

_"If you tell him, he'll send you to a crazy house."_

"No he won't!" Fiona insisted.

Declan stared at her. Then she turned to him.  
"I think I'm going crazy Decs." she said "I'm seeing things that other people don't see, and hearing them..."

Declan sighed and looked at his sister. "You're not going crazy, that's called being scared, and tramatized."

She shook her head. She didn't agree. She remembered watching TV programs about this, crazy people in padded rooms, hearing voices.

"Don't tell anyone Decs, please."

"That's nothing to be embarassed about. You just need someone to help you get back on track."

"Declan..."

_"Declan's going to tell everyone."_

Fiona ignored the comment with an angry look.

"I won't." Declan said, then asked "Not even Holly J?"

"Not even Holly J."

"Alright..."

It was silent and Declan was about to turn the car on when Fiona said something.

"Drive, we can kill him right now and say it's an accident!" shehad said, her eyes lighting up.

"What?" Declan asked, confused by her excitement all the sudden.

"Drive, drive now, he doesn't see us!"

"Fi..." Declan said, trying to sound his sweetest so Fiona wouldn't be upset, "There's no one there."

She tilted her head still staring out the windsheild. Declan started the car and drove. As he kept driving Fiona looked behind him.  
"You're right Declan..." she said in a soft, dreamy voice, still staring out the back window, "He wasn't there."

Declan held her hand for the rest of the way home.

When they entered the house Holly J was on the couch feeding Ellie. Declan came in and kissed the top of her head.  
"How are you?" he asked her.  
"Perfect..." said Holly J, unconvincingly.

"What's wrong?" Fiona asked.

When Holly J looked up and saw Fiona. She gave Ellie to Declan and rushed over to her, giving her a hug.

"Fiona! I was so worried about you!"

Fiona smiled, hugging her back.  
"Sorry to steal Declan for so long." she said.  
"No, you needed him, you probably should have stole him for longer."

Fiona froze, was she suggesting something? Did she know that Fiona was hearing things, voices, seeing things?

"What do you mean?" Fiona asked slowly.

Declan saw this and set Ellie down in the portable crib by the couch.

"Fi, all she means is that she wouldn't have minded if I stayed longer." He said, taking her by her hand and lightly pulling her to the corner of the room.

"I think you need to go to counsaling." he said "You're acting like you need to. You're too jumpy, and you are seeing things..." Declan took a deep breath before finishing "That aren't there."

Fiona stared at him. "Just for that?" she asked. "Not..." she sighed "The other stuff."

"I don't know exactly what they'll do."

Fiona stared at him and walked off before answering his question. She sat at the couch. She saw Ellie wake up and start to cry. She picked her up and rocked her slowly, so she'd go back to sleep. When she did, Fiona kept holding her.

Holly J came in and smiled.

"Thanks for taking care of that." she said.  
Fiona looked up, surprised, "Oh... you're welcome." she said, putting Ellie back in the crib.

Holly J sat on the couch too, she switched the TV. She turned to say something to Fiona, when she noticed Fiona was staring, _past_ the TV instead of at it. Her facial expressions were changing from angry, scared, annoyed... she was whispering something.

Holly J stared at her for a long time. Fiona finally got up and ran upstairs. Declan, who was just entering the room saw this. He followed her, looking at Holly J with a blank expression.

_"Stupid girl, you thought Holly J wouldn't notice."_

"No, I just... why don't you just get out!"

_"I won't," "You can't make me."_

"Please, you've hurt me enough!"

Bobby made a move toward her and stood over her bed.

_"I've done it once, I can do it again, we're in the right place."_

Fiona quickly got out of the bed, ran out the door and leaned against it from the other side, so Bobby couldn't get out.

Declan came by and saw her.

"Fi, what are you doing?"

"It's not nightmares anymore Declan, it's real, and he's everywhere, I can't sleep, I can't even live!"

"Did you see him in there?" Declan asked calmly.

Fiona nodded her head yes, biting her lower lip.

Declan helped her up and went into her room, checking under the bed, the closet, everywhere.  
"Fiona... he's not here." Declan said, in the same calm, almost expressionless voice.

Fiona sighed, she was going crazy.

"Take me to someone, that can help me Decs, please help me, I can't do this anymore!"

Declan hated seeing his sister like this, pleading to him to find someone to help her do what? Live.

"Ok, Fi, tomarow I'll take you somewhere, it's too late now, ok?"

Fiona wasn't looking at him anymore, but down the hall at something...

"Ok Fi?" Declan asked, touching her shoulder.

"Ok..." Fiona said, glancing up.

"If you see or hear something that isn't me, Holly J or Ellie in this house, it isn't there, ok?"

Fiona looked up at him.

That night they all took turns getting Ellie to sleep. Fiona tried to listen to what Declan said. Bobby would follow her as she walked to get Ellie. He would follow her if she went to get water.

She couldn't stand it.

_"No one believes you, Fifi, but I'm here, and real, I can still hurt you."_

"No..." Fiona muttered, trying to believe that he wasn't there.

_"It's true. I can hurt you just as much as I always did, or always will."_

Fiona looked down at her newly poured glass of water and threw the water toward him. She found a knife in the cabbinet and picked it up. She walked past him.

_"Try it Fi, I'm stronger than you, and I can turn the knife towards you instead."_

Fiona dropped the knife and ran up the stairs and crawled into bed.


	12. Lets Play Lie

**-Thank all of you for reviews, positive and negative alike, I enjoy reading what you think.-**

In the morning they heard Holly J scream downstairs. Declan got up quickly and ran down the stairs to see Holly J on the floor holding her foot.

"Holly J what's wrong, what happened?" Declan asked.

"I stepped on something..." Holly struggled to say.

Declan looked at her foot, it was bleeding, but it wasn't a deep cut, just long.

"I'll be right back." Declan said, walking across the kitchen to get some bandages. "Why is the floor wet?"

"I don't know, just get me... something!" Holly J hissed.

Declan walked through the huge puddle of water and got bandages, neosporin, and a pain killers.

He walked back and helped Holly J. Fiona came down and looked at them both.

"What happened?"

"Holly J stepped on something." Declan said.

Fiona covered her mouth.  
"Did it happen to be..." Fiona began, "A knife?"

Declan stared at her. "Why would a knife be on the floor?"

Fiona stared down at the floor.

"Fi..." Declan said in an annoyed voice.  
"I'm sorry, Holly J, I accidentally left a knife on the floor, ok, really sorry can I help?"

Holly J looked up with anger, but she didn't act angry. "No, no it's ok... accidents happen." she said, though it was obvious she was upset.

"Fi, do you happen to know why there's water on the floor?" Declan asked.

_"Yes Fiona, do you know, honey?"_

"I... I don't know why I didn't clean it up..." Fiona said. Declan dismissed this.

_"Because you're scared, a wimpy easy girl."_

Fiona sat down on the steps and put her head in her hands, struggling not to cry.

Declan helped Holly J with her foot. "Can you walk on it this way with out it hurting."

"It's fine, it hurts a little, but other than that it's fine. I'm checking on Ellie."

Holly J walked up the stairs and stopped on the step Fiona was on.

"What's wrong Fi, are you still having nightmares?"

Fiona looked up and meekly laughed, "Nightmares?" she asked "Sure."

"What do you mean?" Holly J asked staring at Fiona with concearn.

"I am going crazy." Fiona stated. "I hear voices, and see people, that aren't there. And he's everywhere."

Holly J put her arm around Fiona. "Are you still not going to go to a therapist?"  
"Declan's setting me up with a counsalor, but..."  
"What?"

"Nothing." Fiona said getting up. She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She forgot what she had looked like, what color her skin was, now it was always green, black, or blue... dark brown, red, or just makeup.

She found white scars, another color to add to her rainbow body.

She kept staring at herself for a long time. Finding marks on her, and covering them up with her hand, trying to see what she used to look like before Bobby came. She sat doing this for a long time until she glanced behind her. It was Bobby.

_"What are you doing Fifi?"_

Fiona didn't answer, she just stared at him in the mirror.

_"You told me yourself that we can't pretend that nothing happened."_

Fiona stared down sadly

Bobby disapeared and the voices in her head started up.

_"Maybe you can pretend nothing happened."_

"But I can see the bruises."

_"You don't have to."_

Fiona picked up makeup and caked her whole body in it, layers and layers of makeup. It didn't look natural, but she couldn't see any marks, cuts, bruises...

She put the last bit over her eye and looked at herself sadly, she gave herself a half-hearted smile before she turned around to go downstairs.  
When Declan saw her, she could tell he tried to keep from looking at her strangely.

"Are you ready for the counsalor's?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

Declan yelled upstairs to Holly J "Want to come with us to the counsalor?"

"No, I'll stay, unless Fiona wants me to come." Holly J replied.

"You're fine, stay here." Fiona said walking out the door.

Declan got into the car and turned to Fiona. "Why are you wearing makeup, you don't have to."

Fiona looked at him, "I want to forget. I don't want a counsalor, I just want to forget on my own."

Declan looked at his sister, carefulness, and kindness showed through his eyes, "A counsalor can help, you asked for help last night, so you need it ok, just try."

"Ok." Fiona said, sounding not so sure. She wasn't sure about anything anymore.

They reached a small white building. Declan stopped the car and held Fiona's hand as they walked inside.

The counsalor was a woman. She asked:

"Who exactly is the other person talking to you that isn't Bobby?"

Fiona looked at her, she wasn't sure.

"Just... a person... _me_ maybe."

"Are they here right now?" the counsalor named Cathy asked.

"Bobby isn't. She is."

Declan stared at his sister, he was proud of her for answering the questions, instead of completly refusing.

"And what is she saying?"

"Nothing... right now."

"Ok, and what is causing this, who is Bobby?"

Declan sighed, this is when Fiona would break down, refuse to say anything, and request to leave.

But she didn't. She took a deep shakey breath and looked at Declan before saying, "He's my boyfriend, but he didn't treat me..." her voice broke "He didn't treat me very well."

"Ok... Fiona." Cathy said "What did he do?"

"He... I'll be right back." Fiona said.  
Declan looked at Cathy "I'll be right back, I've got to see where she's going."

Declan saw Fiona turn around the corner and he followed her.  
"Fi, where are you going?"

Fiona had her hand wiping off makeup, in all different directions.

Declan stopped her by grabbing her arm. She pulled it away and looked at him, a look that said "Bruises, remember?"

"Let me help you." he said taking the sleeve of his jacket and slowly, carefully wiped away the makeup, trying not to press down on the bruises. She stayed still while he did this.

When he was done he smiled at her. "You're prettier without makeup." he told her.

She smiled up at him, he loved her small, gental smiles.

They walked back into the office.

When Cathy saw Fiona her eyes lingered on her for a little longer than normal.

"Ok, where were we?" "Oh yes, what did he do to you?"

"He made all of _these_." Fiona said rolling up her sleeves. "Everyone of them and he stole."

"Stole what?"

Fiona looked down. Declan tried to figure out what he stole, and then knew.

"Fi, you can tell her..." he said.

"He stole my..." Fiona began, but then she stopped.

_"If you tell her, she'll get me in trouble, and then I'll hurt you more."_

Bobby appeared behind the couch.

Fiona stared at him.

"I'm lying." she said after a moment's silence.

Declan turned to her and put his arm around her, "What do you mean Fiona?" he asked angrily.

_"Good girl... I know what gets to you Fifi."_

Fiona stared at the place she saw Bobby.

"Fiona..."

"I'm lying, this is makeup." she said pointing to her black eye. Fiona promptly got up and walked out the door.

Declan chased after her. "Fiona what are you doing."

Fiona didn't look at her, there were tears in her eyes.  
"Now I have to lie about lieing!" Fiona said tears spilling out of her eyes.  
"Why?" Declan asked.

Fiona didn't answer.

**This wasn't my best chapter, actually one of the worst. Review if you'd like more.**


	13. I've Come Bearing Gifts

**-Just a warning, one part in this has some cuss words.-**

At home Holly J was feeding Ellie, she was about a month old now, and she had a cold. Holly J was having post partum depression, which made everyone in the house almost as miserable as she was.

"I don't _want _to get up again I just sat back down!" Holly J cried, getting up again.

Declan reached for her arm "Relax, beautiful, I'll quiet her down this time."

Holly J stared at him and half smiled as she sat back down.

Holly J turned to Fiona, "So I heard there was some drama at the..."

Fiona interupted "Yeah."

"What have you been thinking about, Fiona?" Holly J asked, looking straight at her friend.

"What is there to think about?" Fiona asked.

Holly J heard Fiona's stomach growl. "When's the last time you ate?" she asked, eyeing Fiona.

Fiona looked up "Ate? Like food?"

Holly J nodded.

Fiona seemed to read Holly J's mind and she went into the kitchen and came back with a piece of bread. She ate it slowly.

"I heard you and Declan talking..." Holly J said.

Fiona contiued to pick at the slice of bread.

"You're hearing things, and seeing him?" Holly J asked, avoiding Fiona's stare.

_"Why not tell her, you have nothing to lose. At all."_

"Yes, I do.I hear her, and she tells me to do say things I and she tries to make me think things. I keep seeing him, when I'm alone, or with other people. And he acts like he's going to beat me, and rape me, everyday, all the time over and over, it's not just dreams anymore."

Holly J stared at her friend, who wasn't crying, but she was about to. Fiona layed her head down on Holly J's lap, using it like a pillow.

Holly J stared ahead of her, absent mindedly twisting Fiona's hair around her finger, untwisting it.

Declan came down "I got her to sleep." he said, seeing Holly J with Fiona. Fiona was asleep again, she fell asleep fast if someone was with her.

"I know about the voices." Holly J told Declan. "And Bobby, she hates her life right now, Declan."

Declan sighed sadly. "I know."

"What are we going to do about it, she's going crazy, I'm almost afraid to let her around Ellie."

Declan stared at Holly J, "Oh she wouldn't hurt Ellie!"

"Not on _purpose_!" Holly J said "But what if she has one of her freaky voice break downs and does something stupid?"

Declan thought about this.

"And we _know_ she was running around here with a _knife_ in the middle of the night!"

"But what are we suposed to do, we can't kick her out or something, I won't!" Declan insisted.

"I'd rather not have someone running around throwing around knives by _my baby!"_

Declan stared at Holly J. "So you want me to put her outside, tell her to get away, especially right now right? When she's suicidal, and hearing people, yeah, that's what we should do, isn't it?" Declan angriliy screamed.

They were both silent, and Holly J stared down at Fiona who was tossing and turning.

"Well you can make a choice, Declan." she said, "Her, or your daughter."

Declan stared at Holly J with disbelief.

"I can't believe you're doing this!" he screamed.

Fiona woke up. "Doing what?" she asked.

"You stay here, with... but you make sure about Ellie being safe." Holly J said.

"I'll be right back." Fiona said, meekly.

_"They're talking about you."_

"No they aren't I wouldn't hurt Ellie."

_"They think you would."_

"Declan knows better, Holly J too!"

_"They know you're going crazy... and they're scared."_

Fiona threw up in the toilet and started to cry.

Downstairs Declan and Holly J were talking.

"I'll make sure she doesn't hurt Ellie, ok, she's going through a lot."

Holly J sighed. "I was being stupid... ok... I was just trying to make it safe for Ellie... at that's all. I love Fiona just as much as you do. I wouldn't want her out of the house. I just want Ellie safe."

Fiona came back downstairs.

"Do you guys think I'll hurt Ellie?" she asked, sounding like a small child.

"Of course not." Holly J said, looking at Declan.

"What were you talking about then?"

"A dog... Declan wanted a dog." Holly J answered.

Fiona stared at them, she wasn't convinced.

The next day Fiona told her brother she was walking to the store to get a few things.

"And you're walking to the _store_ right?" Declan asked "Not to some jerk who almost killed you?"

"The store." Fiona repeated, "Not to Bobby."

"Ok..." Declan said unsurely.

Fiona walked to the store, thinking she saw Bobby, but now it was getting easier and easier to ignore.

Bobby walked up to her, "_Hello Fiona."_

Again at the corner of the street _"Fiona, please listen."_

At the store Fiona picked out everything she needed, and went to the checkout line.

"_Fifi, hey!"_ she heard.

She ignored him, she knew it was her mind.

"_Fifi come back!"_

Fiona took a step forward in the line.

Bobby reached out for her, she saw it out of the corner of her eye, but didn't do anything. She checked out and walked into the parking lot. She walked along the outside of the walls around the store. Bobby was following her, but she knew she was imagining.

Suddenly Bobby spun her around and slammed her into the wall.

Fiona almost laughed at herself, not because she truley thought it was funny, she was just tired of this. Then she turned and saw that Bobby was there, he wasn't imaginary this time, he was real.

She started to cry.

"Bobby why don't you leave me alone, ok?" she wept "Just leave me alone." She sat against the wall.

"Come on Fifi, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You didn't?" Fiona asked, in disbelief, "You honestly think you didn't do anything wrong by beating me up and... and... and raping me?"  
"I didn't do that, Fifi, sweetheart." he said reaching out for her.

She pulled her arm away from him, "Don't _touch_ me!" she screamed. When she pulled her arm away her elbow hit the wall.

"Shit!" she screamed reaching for her elbow.

Bobby wrapped his arms around her so tightly she couldn't move.

"Get _off_ of me Bobby!" she screamed, struggling to squirm away from his grasp.

"You're confused" He whispered into her ear. "I want to help you."

_"You are going crazy, Fiona." _the voice in her head said_ "Maybe you are, maybe he's the one who's right."_

"No!" Fiona screamed at herself.

She finally slipped away from his grasp and started to walk away, she turned around.

"You!" she said struggling to talk "_You_ are the reason that I can't sleep, that I can't do anything with out seeing _you_, and start to get scared and _you_ are the reason that I don't want to _live_! And I can't even end _that_ because if I do then it'll break Declan's heart and..."

"Sweetie," Bobby said "I've come bearing gifts." He held up a small pill.  
"I don't _want _anything from you!" she insisted.

"Suit yourself, and live like that." he said, dropping the pill in front of him and turning around.

Fiona walked the other direction. She looked back, Bobby was gone. She slowly walked back to wear he was. She looked down at the small white pill and picked it up. She stared at it before slipping it in her pocket and walking home.


	14. Yppah' Mirror Image?

**-There's one part from here that is from the Degrassi takes Manhatten's promo. (The surprising kissing part)-**

She went home, very late at night, Declan had called her on her new phone "Where are you?"  
"I'm staying at my friend's house for awhile." Fiona had answered.

"Which friend?" Declan asked.  
"Grace's house." Fiona had answered slowly, she didn't know anyone named Grace.

"Ok..." Declan said curiously.

"Bye, love you." Fiona said.

"You sound sad, are you sure that you're ok?" Declan asked.

"Yes, I'm fine, bye."

"Bye, Fi, I love you too." Declan said quietly.

Fiona strolled everywhere she could think of and when she got tired she'd walk into a resteraunt and pretend she had already ate, just sat there.

She looked at the clock on her phone, about 4 am. She started to head home.

She entered the house, all the lights were off.

"Declan?" "Holly J?" She asked in a a slow shakey voice. "Are you awake?". No answer.

What if the pill didn't work, she wondered, just be sure she washed the pill down with achohol, some stuff her mother had in the cabbinet, whisky. She sat on the couch and waited.

In about twenty minutes she felt a rush of feeling.

Declan got up and saw Fiona.  
"Fi, what are you doing down here?"

"Declan!" Fiona said with a smile. She reached up and touched his hair. "Your hair, it's really _soft!"_

"Ok..." Declan said, taking her hands off of his hair.

Fiona laughed. "I'm so glad I didn't step on the roof, I love you Declan, for saving me I..."

"Fiona?" Declan asked "What did you do?"

"I love you Declan!" Fiona said reaching up and kissing Declan on the lips.

"Fiona!" Declan screamed, prying her off of him.  
"What the hell?"

Fiona just laughed. "You're shirt is so soft and warm..."

"Fiona, did you take... ecstasy?"

Fiona laughed. "Maybe I did." she said with a smile.

Declan got a cup and rinsed his mouth.

"Fiona, I can't believe you! Vicky did this and you always..."  
"Have you ever noticed how nice the..." Fiona began, but Declan cut her off.

"What the hell? Fiona are you serious?"

Fiona's face changed from extremley happy to extremley upset.

"I would never lie to you Dec-lan." she said, saying his name very slowly.

"Where did you get it?" Declan asked, trying to be calm, but not doing so well.

"Some-body!" Fiona said, happy again.

"Fiona, I thought you were smarter than this!"

Fiona walked up the stairs.

"Fiona, where are you going?"

Fiona was upstairs touching Ellie's head.

"Her head is so soft and cozy. It could be like a blanket!" Fiona squealed happily!

Declan grabbed his sister's arm and drug her back downstairs.

"Fiona, I can't believe you!" he said, sitting her back down on the couch.

"Why not, honey?" Fiona said, crawling over to Declan, trying to kiss him again.

"No... no stop it!" he said, holding her away from him.

Fiona got up, tripped and got up again, she rushed upstairs to the bathroom and threw up.

Declan followed her. "Go to sleep!" he said as he watched her clean herself up.  
"Change into your pajamas and go to sleep, in _your room_."

Fiona smiled at him, stumbled and walked into her room closing the door, opening it and closing it again. Fiona crawled into her bed.

"DECLAN!" she screamed.

He came inside of her room.

"Feel the blankets!"

Declan shook his head.

"No Fiona, go to sleep."

She got out of bed and almost tripped down the stairs before Declan grabbed her arm and yanked her back up. He sat her down in the bed and said "Go to sleep." he practically growled it.

He stood over her until she fell asleep. He stayed for a long time before finally sleeping himself.

When they woke up. Declan walked into Fiona's room. She was awake now, but she looked terrible.

"Fi, do you remember anything last night?" Declan asked her.

She didn't look at him until about five seconds after he had asked.

"Yes, some... but..."

"What do you remember?" Declan interupted.  
Fiona shook her head, she was completly embarassed.

"I'm not like Victoria." she stated.

"I know you aren't. I didn't think that."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

It was quiet for awhile, until Fiona decided to talk.

"I feel like _shit._" Fiona said in a way that almost made Declan laugh, she barley ever cussed, but he didn't laugh, instead he gave her a half hearted smile.

"I'm sure you do." he said.

She looked up at him not smiling.

"I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were drunk, and took drugs, of course you didn't know what you were thinking."

Fiona smiled, glad that he understood, if he didn't she would be completly lost

"I'm not letting you out of my site until you act like you did."

Sighing Fiona muttered "That's fine with me."


	15. A Gift From The Devil

Holly J loved Ellie, a lot. She loved Ellie more than she ever knew she could love _anything_. Ellie was putting her into a depression. She couldn't sleep, with Ellie and Declan was _not _doing his fair share. He'd change a diaper once in awhile but ever since Fiona took ecstasy he was just watching her. It was like Holly J took care of Ellie and Declan took care of Fiona. She tried not to blame Fiona for anything. It wasn't her fault she couldn't be _anywhere_ with out someone to watch over her. It truely wasn't. Holly J knew that, and she tried to accept it. It was hard.

Meanwhile, Fiona was having her own issues. It had been fun, for a while when she took the ecstasy. It made everything seem warm, and everyone loved her, and everyone needed her love, when she took it. Afterwards, she knew that was far from the truth, _very far._ Declan was angry with her for being so, as he put it "Confused and lost." but she knew what he really meant was "Stupid, dumb, crazy..."

Declan was trying to keep his two favorite people happy at once. It wasn't easy either. To please Fiona, you had to constantly be with her, and constantly tell her. "No, Bobby isn't there." and try not to sound frusterated. To please Holly J, it seemed you had to almost completly ignore Fiona, but he couldn't do that. Fiona is his sister, and he promised to protect her, help her when she was scared. Somehow he had to figure out how to do both.

Fiona woke up and immediantally inhaled the smell of Declan. It had been two days since she took the ecstasy. She opened her eyes from her sleep, she had been clutching Declan's shirt all night, aparentally. She remembered her dream. It was Bobby, again.

She noticed that Declan and Holly J fought a lot more. She knew it was about her. She wished she could change. She hated being the reason her brother and his girlfriend were not getting along.

"Holly J?" she asked once, when Declan was out shopping for groceries..

"Yes?" Holly J asked, looking up from Ellie, who was asleep in her arms.

"I'm the reason, the reason you and Declan have been fighting, aren't I?"

Holly J sighed. "It's not your fault that Bobby hurt you, and it's going to be awhile before you're back to nomal, and don't cringe when someone raises their hand beside you."

"That's not what I asked." Fiona stated, looking into Holly J's eyes.

"It's not you... It's just that we're both very tierd, and stressed that's it, and we barely fight."

Fiona took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do." she said.  
"Counsalors make it worse, everything anyone ever sugests doesn't _ever_ work." she said.

Holly J stared at her. "Something worked." she said "You haven't seemed to hear any voices or seen anything for awhile."

Fiona smiled a small, half fake smile. "Something did, I guess, I still have those dreams, I still can't sleep without Declan."

Holly J stared for a while, then asked "Why can't you sleep with out him, we're right across the hall, and no one can get in."

"I'm just scared." Fiona whispered. "I don't know. I feel like if he's there Bobby won't hurt me, and if he does try to Declan will stop it."

Holly J looked at her friend. "Who gave you the drugs?" she asked.

Fiona shrugged "I don't remember."

"You have to." Holly J insisted.

"When I took a walk I found someone and they said it would help me, and I thought it would."

"Strangers don't give other people drugs, and we all know you wouldn't tell anyone that you had issues."

Fiona sighed and stared her friend down, hoping she'd get it and just leave her alone, but, Holly J either didn't get it, or wouldn't give up.

"It was Bobby." Fiona said in a quiet voice, avoiding Holly J's eyes.

"Why would you take something that _he_ gave you?" Holly J said.

Fiona hated the way she said it. It's the way everyone said the things they did when they wanted to shake her and tell her she was stupid.

Finally Declan got home. Holly J suggested that she tell him too, who gave her the ecstasy. She didn't want to, but she knew that Holly J wouldn't give her peace if she didn't.

She told Declan and he used the same "You're so stupid" voice that Holly J did.

Fiona was given an earful. She stared in front of her remembering her dream.

Bobby had been charming in at and then he had been evil again. He had slapped her, and done it all to her again, the same thing that always happened in her dreams.

She had woke up screaming and Declan and Holly J woke up. "It's ok." Holly J had said, tierd. "He's not here, you'll be fine." she had given her hand a little shake and rolled over to sleep again.

Declan and put his arms around her, hugging her tightly and not said anything, that was all she needed, to know he was there, protecting her.

Now Fiona sat across from Declan in the kitchen.

Out of nowhere she asked "Is it true that time heals everything?" in a small sad voice.

Declan thought for a moment, he didn't know the truth, if it did or not, he didn't want to lie, but he said "Yes, Fi, it is."

"So time will heal me."

"Of course." Declan replied, looking at Fiona. He noticed her eyes weren't as viberant as he used to see them, instead of crystal blue, they looked more gray.

"So someday, it'll be better, all of it?"

"Yes, Fiona, you will be fine, the voices are all gone."

Fiona let out a small chuckle, "For the most part, I guess."

"See, you're already getting to be back to normal again."

Declan wiped away the one tear that had managed to fall down her cheek.

He lifted her head so she could see him.

"You're beautiful, too beautiful to be acting mopey and basing your life on some jerk."

She looked up at him and smiled a small smile.

"I know that smile isn't real." Declan commented.

"You know to much about me." Fiona stated, truely smiling.

**-This is the only update I'll have today unless I'm lucky and get home early, I have to do something with my family.-**


	16. Fiona's Veiw

**-This one is **_**like**_** a redo of chapter one, but it's more of "Fiona's veiw" and it explains why Fiona did certain things better than chapter one did. (For a bit I'll be doing these that use the more "unfocased" character's veiws. The discription of it is a little hard to understand, but you'll get it.-**

Fiona couldn't leave the memories. She was trying to forget, but the more she tried to forget, the more they sneeked up on her in her mind. She was desperate to get rid of all of this, she hated it.

Memories of Bobby telling her things. Things that she almost believed.

"I promise, Fiona, it'll be better, it won't happen again." his voice whispered into her head.

"Oh, Fiona, you're so sweet, you must forgive me."

"I have a surprise for you Fifi, I'm sorry about last night, will this make up for it?"

"Fiona, you're the one making me do this, act better and it'll be better."

And then, "Fifi, it's ok, I wore a condem, you won't be pregnant."

That one, was the day after he hurt her so badly, did the thing that made her tell Declan. When she got home, after that night she went into her room, dreamy, the world squirling around her. She stopped in the hall, leaning against it, almost losing her balance. She stayed for awhile before making it to her bedroom and sitting on the bed. But she couldn't sleep, at all.

That next morning, she had caked her face in makeup and went downstairs with Declan, who was watching TV, Fiona pretended as if she was watching it too. She wondered where Holly J was, probably in the bathroom, like she'd been every waking hour for the past few days.

She had come in the room, sitting between her and Declan. Fiona didn't normally mind this, but she was zoned out and when Holly J touched her, she was scared it was him. She gave her an upset look, but noticed Holly J looking at her, and didn't want her to know.

Holly J wanted her to leave, she noticed this imediantally, but she pretended like she was watching TV, Holly J never acted like this before, it must be something big. Dispite the fact she was still having, very clear flashbacks to the night before, and a little more silent then usual, even for lately, she wanted to hear.

Holly J said something, more like muttered it. Fiona heard " 'm' pregn-t" she tilted her head at Holly J and from Declan's response it sounded like what Fiona thought she had sat was what she really did say.

The thought of _anyone_ having sex normally made her feel ill, and especially now it made her remember the night before. She couldn't say anything for awhile, and then said, "You guys have been having sex? Ew!" She had to say something, otherwise they'd suspect something. She was lucky that she was a good actor.

Declan yelled at her in a mad voice, but things were going by so quickly, she couldn't tell what he was saying, he could just tell he was angry. She was silent for awhile. Was he yelling at her? ...Or Holly J?

"I'm sorry but that's just discusting!" she said, she knew that she had to say something.

Declan turned around and raised his hand, from experiance, with Bobby she knew that pain was coming quickly, but she didn't duck, just flinched. Declan would never hit her.

But he did. On one instant automatic reaction.

He didn't mean to at all. He was angry, instant anger... he didn't want to hit his sister, it was an accident, of stupid actions.

Fiona stared at him for a long time. She was sick of acting, and she couldn't help it anymore, she bursted into tears and rushed upstairs. She sank onto her bed, and then onto the floor, facing the wall, she knew Declan or Holly J would chase after her, maybe she could hide it from them.

She could hear Holly J and Declan screaming downstairs. She couldn't believe Declan had hit her. It wasn't like him, at all. But he haden't hit her hard at all, barley hit her actually, the only reason it hurt was because he happened to hit her in a place Bobby had, just yesterday.

Fiona heard footsteps come into her room. She thought it was Declan, but it was only Holly J.  
"Get away." she tried to say but it took her awhile to, inbetween crying.

Holly J started rambling on about how Declan was just surprised... things Fiona blocked out, trying to focas on hiding bruises, that her tears had washed away.

She continued to cry.

"Fiona look at me." Holly J had said.

Fiona started to panic, she couldn't.  
"I can't." she said, or tried to say, it sounded more like a small child saying that he didn't know where the cookies went.

Good old Holly J, presistant turned Fiona around herself and saw all the bruises, the black eye stood out.

When Holly J had asked if Declan was the one who made the black eye, Fiona had almost laughed, almost.

She was telling Holly J, how Declan had barley touched her. Fiona was surprised that Holly J thought the slap was loud, maybe Fiona was used to harder slaps now. She also learned Holly J thought that she hated her.

"I don't hate you." Fiona had said, still crying so it was a little hard to understand.

When Declan came in Fiona almost broke down, but before she could Declan asked the same thing Holly J did, "Did I do that?" he asked, seeing the black eye. He sounded completly discusted with himself.

Fiona had shook her head. And they had asked her over and over who did it.

She stated it was Bobby, she was embarassed, completly for letting someone take that kind of control over her. She cried, a lot. Now someone knew, about one part, but she didn't want to tell them about the night before, when Bobby had made her have sex with him... raped her.

She didn't want Declan to know that his sister had been _used,_ that she was now _dirty._

Declan had insisted that he go and beat Bobby up. Fiona looked at Holly J who looked completly tired, upset, and thought of something. This was perfect. She didn't want everyone feeling sorry for her, thinking she was weak.  
"No, you go, and help Holly J." she had insisted.

Holly J then stated that she'd get an abortion and Fiona went bizurk.  
"You can't get an abortion, that's my little niece or nephew!" she sounded like an immature little girl.

Holly J told her that she wouldn't get an abortion if she broke up with Bobby, and that wasn't going to be easy.

Declan had put his arms around her, she didn't want anyone to _touch_ her, it made her skin tingley, feel like it did that night. His touch was gental, not rough, painful, bruising touches. She still didn't like it. Plus, there was a huge bruise right where his hand was.

She paniced for awhile, before telling herself. "It's only Declan, you'll be ok."

They continued to discuss babies, than. Declan apologized for hitting her.  
He began to get up to leave, Fiona insisted she was fine, and Declan insisted she was not.

"May I sleep in your room?" Fiona asked, remembering the night before, and how she couldn't sleep all night, she had been so scared that he would come back, and do it again. Declan would protect her though, he'd be more than happy to get Bobby out of the picture, and she knew he would if she asked him to.

She went to sleep, or tried to and tossed and turned all night, she couldn't get to sleep. Declan noticed this and wrapped his arms around her again.

At first she jumped, scared that it was actually Bobby, but it was only Declan, of course. It made her feel uncomfortable, for a small while, and then made her feel better, just knowing that Declan was there.

She had a dream that _it_ was happening again. She woke up screaming, learning she'd woke up Declan, who helped her back to sleep. She was happy he was there.


	17. Declan's Veiw

**- Almost like a redo of chapter two, but more of the "unfocased" characters, again, I have to re-read my own chapters to write these, it's fun to read my own work! Thanks for the reveiws everyone, and suggestions are welcome! For awhile I'll just "redo" chapters, but later I'll need those suggestions! And also, sorry for not updating much, my computer wouldn't work for most of the day.-**

Declan woke up the night after he learned his sister had been beaten by her boyfriend, he woke up to her screaming. The first thing he saw though, was his girlfriend, Holly J's stomach had a slight bump on it, it made chills run down his spine, made the pregnancy that he was a part of seem all the more real. But he didn't focas on it for long, because Fiona was crying. Holly J was shaking her awake, she woke up. No one spoke, and the silence, besides for Fiona violently crying, was awkward.

"What happened in your dream?" Declan said, calmly, feeling he should break the silence.

"Nothing." Fiona mumbled, still crying.

"It had to be something, was it _him_?" Declan had asked, in a soft caring voice.

"Who?" Fiona asked. Declan wanted to tell her not to play dumb with him, but decided against it.

"Bobby." he answered.

Holly J was sitting beside Fiona, one of her arms around her, rubbing her arm, trying to calm her down, everyonce in awhile brushing her hair away.

Holly J looked at Declan with an annoyed facial expression "Who else would she be dreaming about?" she had asked.

Declan had sighed and layed back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wanted to do something to help his sister, but he had no ideas.

Holly J had asked Fiona if she wanted some water, or tea, but Fiona just stared ahead, shaking her head no. Declan remembered that they had school tomarow. He was trying to think of how he was going to be able to focas in class with Bobby, the boy who had beat his sister so bad she couldn't sleep without fear of him coming after her. He was aching to go to his house now and beat him, the way he had beat Fiona. He reminded the others that there was school tomarow, and since it was early in the morning, he suggested that Fiona go back to sleep, and get some rest.

She did and Holly J layed beside her.

Fiona was still crying, and Holly J had felt the need to help her. "You're going to be fine." she whispered to her, she sounded as if she didn't know if it would be, it as in Fiona and herself.

Declan tried to sleep, like Fiona had done with the help of Holly J, and now Holly J was asleep too, but he couldn't.

He thought about Fiona, trying to think of what all the basterd had done to her. Fiona was sleeping now, unmoving except for the slow movements of her chest, up and down.

Holly J was the one, twisting and turning. He knew she was worried too. He knew that she was scared, he couldn't imagine her, Holly J Sinclair being scared of anything, he thought that if she was scared, it would be of being made fun of, or getting big. Her image was important to her.

She was making small noises.

Declan tried to fall asleep again, but it wouldn't work. He walked over to Holly J and brushed the hair out of her face. She woke up, she was a light sleeper.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." he whispered softly into her ear. He didn't want Fiona to wake again.

"Did what?" Holly J asked, innocently, as if nothing was happening, and all was normal.

"I'm sorry I got you pregnant, it's making you worry I can tell." Declan replied. Holly J was struggling to hold back tears, and he could tell.

"I can't do this." she said, sounding like a small child, scared to go to the doctor's, she was still trying to hold back tears, but some of them were already slipping away.

"Sure you can," Declan said, wiping her hair away, "You're Holly J Sinclair."

She managed to smile a small smile. He had told her he was here for her, the baby too, before telling her to go to sleep. He saw the bump as he walked around to the other side of the huge bed, he reached out and touched it, glancing back at Holly J, who was already closing her eyes.

The alarm on his phone woke up himself and Fiona. Declan heard Fiona's alarm clock in her room and decided to turn it off, when he told her what he was doing, he noticed the bruises so much better in the sun's light. There were so many, almost her whole body was covered in them, he took a second glance before leaving the room.

When he was shutting off her alarm clock he heard her wake up Holly J, who said

"Oh Fiona, your whole body's covered in..."

"I know." Fiona had said.

Declan wanted to hear what they were talking about. He walked and stood in the door way, silently standing.

"At least you're not pregnant." Holly J had said, in an attempt to make Fiona feel better.

Fiona had replied with something strange, and it took awhile for Declan's mind to process it.

"I wouldn't be so sure." she had said. The thought of Fiona having sex, that alone made him feel sick, having sex with the man who beat her up, that made him feel like vomiting.

Fiona continued talking, about how she didn't know if when they had sex he had used a condem.

Holly J remarked that Fiona had always thought sex was gross. And Fiona stated that she still did.

Declan felt his blood start to boil. Where was she getting at? It could only mean one thing, and if it meant what he thought it did than he was going to have a fit, that included his fists, and Bobby.

"Did that basterd rape you, Fi?" Declan said, trying to sound calm, but it came out in a rough growling type of talk.

Fiona started shaking and crying, and Holly J was trying to do the best she could to make her better, she wrapped her arms around her.

"It'll be fine, Fi, it'll be ok." she said.

"No it won't I'm an easy slut," Fiona began, still crying, so it was a bit hard to understand her "anyone can do anything to me, everyone knows it, they can kick me, punch me, slap me, and _rape me."_ she said the last part in a whisper.

"No Fi, you're not a slut." Declan had said, walking closer to her and sitting beside her.

"I thought that if was ever going to lose my virginity, which I wasn't then it'd be special." Fiona said.

"Fiona..." Holly J began. "It'll still be good for you, and you'll still have a perfect wedding, with that one man who truely deserves you." she said "It'll all still be fine."

Declan took his sister's hand and told her he'd take her and Holly J to the doctor after school.  
"I'm suposed to keep the dirtbags off of you." he said to Fiona, punishing himself for not doing it well.

"You can't monitor my every move." Fiona had whispered, leaning against him.

When they arived at school Fiona had told Declan she couldn't face Bobby, and Holly J had reminded Fiona that she was suposed to breakup with Bobby. She had held onto her arm and tried to walk with her, but it had hurt Fiona, the bruises.

"We'll go with you." Declan had said.

Fiona had silently gotten out of the car.

They had walked towards Bobby, and he had forced a kiss on her, and hurt her arm.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, and Declan had tried to hide a smile. She was being strong, and he was happy, but the man standing a few inches away from him, angered him so much.

The man had grabbed Fiona around her waist and kissed her on the top of her head, she lost it and began crying. Declan took a few steps toward him, then he said "What's wrong sweetie?"

Declan's hands had formed a fist.

"You know what's wrong now get away from her." Holly J said, gesturing for Declan to stay back.

"Aw, what is wrong?" he asked, "Did Fifi make up another _lie?_"

This had made Declan so mad, but he tried to contain himself.

He saw the man make a swift gaze around the school to see if anyone was there, before he pushed her against the wall and punched her many times, kissed her again, and walked to class. Holly J was beside her first, she was curled into a tight ball against the wall.

She was bleeding, Declan was first to see that, he used his sleeve to stop the bleeding, it was on her head, and her arm.

He decided that they should skip school, and so he did. He had helped Fiona up, and saw that she couldn't walk with out being in pain, so he carried her to the car, she was greatful for that.

When they were home, Fiona fell asleep, using Holly J's lap as a pillow, Holly J absentmindedly braided Fiona's hair, unbraided, braided again. Declan was by Fiona's feet.

Seeing the mark on Fiona's head, with a baby bump right beside it on Holly J's stomach he almost cried.

"I don't know what to do, about us being pregnant, Fi..." he said

"You're doing great now." Holly J replied, smiling at him.

Eventually Holly J fell asleep too. Declan read until the doctor's apointment, he woke up his girlfriend and his sister, and helped Fiona to the car and started off.

**-This one has more of Declan's thoughts than chapter two originally did. I'm trying to make you see what all the characters are thinking. Reveiw if you want more-**


	18. Declan's Veiw II

**-I'm skipping around for redo chapters, this is suposed to be a redo of chapter 7, this is going to be the last redo chapter, because some of you like them, others don't... later I might make more "redos" for those of you who like them later.-**

Declan woke up to Holly J grabbing his hand.  
"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Feel" she replied. He felt her stomach, and a small movement. Since he had just woke up, he was a bit confused, but then he realized, that was his baby. His face lit up, he sat up and put both hands on her stomach.

"That's our baby!" he exclaimed happily.

"Yes, that's our baby." Holly J had replied. Declan leaned over and kissed her.

The next morning at breakfast Fiona came down. Declan and Holly J were already eating. Holly J pulled Fiona's hand to her stomach, trying to make her feel the baby, but it had hurt Fiona's arm.  
Declan had wondered how Holly J could keep forgeting about that, with the bruises everywhere.

Fiona had said something along the lines of "That baby will be here before you know it."

Imediantally after Declan had saw Holly J frown.

"And you'll do great." Fiona added.

Declan wondered how Fiona could try to help Holly J, and not think about herself at this time.

"What if he sees me?" she asked Declan when she sat down.

Declan looked at his sister, who was honestly scared.

"Avoid him, and if you see him ignore him." Declan said, trying to sound like he knew it would work.

At school, Declan was getting a drink of water when he looked over and saw Bobby talking to Holly J, and Fiona standing there, silently. He was furious.

He ran over to them, fists already made.

"Get away from my sister!" he screamed, punching Bobby in the face.

Bobby was a good fighter, Declan realized, he knew how hard it must have been for Fiona to keep on her feet with just one hit. He kept fighting and fighting until he looked up and realized that Fiona wasn't near him anymore.

He ran up the stairs and saw her running to. He followed her and stopped when they were both on the roof. He stood there watching her stand at the edge. He didn't think anything of it, until she lifted one of her feet and was about to step off, he ran over to her and grabbed her by the arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he screamed, he was angry that she would think of killing herself, she couldn't do that, if she was gone, Declan couldn't live.

Fiona had colapsed into his arms, crying loudly. He was afraid he hurt her, he almost told her 'it's ok, you're fine' but he didn't, he couldn't cave in now, because then she wouldn't learn, she might do it again, she would think no one cared.

More than anything he was surprised at his sister, this wasn't something that Fiona would do, it truely wasn't.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard, hoping to get her to snap out of what ever she was thinking.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed?" he screamed at her.

She didn't answer, she just cried.

He held onto her wrist tightly and decided to leave school. If the sight of this man made Fiona want to kill herself, then he couldn't let her see him ever again.

He made sure he didn't talk to her for the rest of the day. 'Don't cave Declan, I know you want to hug her so bad right now, but you can't.' he told himself.

He went to the ultra sound with out her. When he came home he told her to sleep in her own room. The look she gave him almost killed him. It made him feel sorry that he was giving her the silent treatment, it made him feel so bad.

He turned and walked to his room, ignoring Fiona's small, sorrow-filled voice, saying his name.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, her voice breaking, sounding like a small child's.

That made him turn and face her. Why was he doing this? Fiona... his sister, the person who he'd known the longest, always cared for... he took her hand.

"You_ scared_ me Fi, so bad." he said, his own voice now cracking.

"You were being stupid." he said, wondering if he should have used that word.

"Don't ever do something like that again, Ok Fi, promise me that." he said sternly, holding on to her hand.

"Ok... I won't." she muttered, and Declan helped her walk to his room.

In Declan's dream Fiona had jumped off the building, she was gone, forever, and Declan felt terrible that he had made her go to school that day, in his dream it was all his fault. He felt hopeless, alone, and even Holly J couldn't help. Declan was going to keep an eye on her from now on, he was scared of her being gone.


	19. Because No One Laughs at Fiona

**-Not a redo this time, takes place after chapter 15 Enjoy!-**

Fiona woke up, breathing deeply, staring at the clock, 3:02 AM. Declan wasn't beside her, so she asumed he was with Ellie, trying to get her back to sleep.

Holly J never seemed happy anymore, Fiona thought, staring at her friend as she slept.

Declan came in and saw his sister sitting up in bed, staring at Holly J.

"What woke you up?" he asked her, he was holding Ellie.

"Nightmares... same as always."

"You'd think that Ellie's having them too, she wakes up so often." Declan replied, sitting beside his sister, watching his baby sleep.

"She's a _baby_." Fiona said.  
"Of course." Declan said. Fiona noticed that he was staring at Holly J.  
"Am I the reason you have been fighting?" Fiona asked.

"She's just stressed out Fi, stop thinking it's about you, because it isn't, none of this is your fault."

Declan got up and walked to the nursery. Fiona followed him. He put Ellie back into her cradle.

"I can leave if you want." she told him, her voice told him that she didn't want to leave.

"I don't want you to leave, that is the exactly what I _don't_ want." he said, hugging her, but not looking at her, he was afraid if he did he would break down, start to cry. He wanted to look strong.

"I don't want you guys to fight because of me, me going crazy." Fiona whispered.

He looked down at her now, "Fi, we aren't fighting about you, Holly J... she's just stressed from all of this."

Fiona looked up at him, she was crying, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You need to stop looking so deeply into things, not everything happens because of you, Fi, you haven't done _anything_ wrong." he told her, wiping her tears away.

"Maybe not in that way, but I've been so stupid."

"You're just lost..."

"No... I can't even..." Fiona stopped before she could say "Be alone in a room."

"Nothing is your fault, ok?" he restated.

"When I went to his house, after he had punched me, and he _raped_ me, that was my fault. When I took that pill that he gave me, that was _my_ fault too, it all is."

Declan hugged his sister tighter, he was upset that she would think that, upset that this was happening to someone like her.

"No, everyone makes mistakes, he is a conniving prick, he has a way to make people think things, some people are born like that."

Fiona sighed... "But it's still my fault, for letting him do that!"

Declan stared his sister down, Fiona hated it when he looked in her eyes like that, stared straight through her, into her soul.

"Did you not want to get punched?" he asked her.

"...What? Of course I didn't want to get punched." Fiona said, not understanding were he was getting at.

"Fi, you tried to stop him, but he was bigger, stronger than you... you're fine, it isn't your fault, you need to accept it, and it's late, we need to get to sleep." Declan said suddenly, after staring at his clock.

"Declan..." Fiona began.

"I hate sleeping, I always have dreams he's doing it again and it feels so real..."

Feels, Declan thought, he can even hurt her in her dreams. The thought of that dirtbag, touching his sister, _that way_, and in anyway but especially raping her... it made him want to do crazy things, kill things, kill that man.

"Well, Fi, you have to sleep, but try going to sleep, knowing I'm there, you know nothing like that is ever going to happen, because I won't let it."

Fiona stared at her brother as if she didn't believe anyone could stop Bobby.

"If there's one thing that I've done as your brother, it is protect you... I remember, in fifth grade when Charles Conway laughed at you when you fell off the monkey bars and broke your arm, and you were crying, we got in a fight, remember?"

" ... Because no one laughs at my Fiona." Declan and Fiona said at the same time, remembering his exact words.

Fiona half smiled at her brother, remembering when they were little, and it wasn't complicated, the worst someone could do to her was laugh, and Declan would make it better, easily, but now ... no one could make it better.

"No one hurts my Fiona either... not anymore." Declan said, staring at his sister. She managed to smile at him, a small sad smile, though, those smile weren't comforting.

"I was thinking..." Declan said "That since soon, Holly J has to go back to Degrassi, maybe we should too."

Fiona smiled at him, "Maybe we should." she said, happy that she'd be in a different country than Bobby.

"Well pack your bags, next week, we'll be in Canada, with our old friends."

"You're old friends," Fiona remarked "Anya was the only one I ever talked to there, my only friend there."

"Alright..." Declan said, "Well, you'll make more friends."

"I supose I will, but one thing Declan... can we keep it down... you know about_ this, _and _him_?"

"Of course." Declan said, happy that is sister was happy.


	20. Word on the Street

Declan was told to keep everything that happened in New York a secret, he wouldn't mind telling his friends he had a baby, it was fine with him, his friends wouldn't think anything of it, but Holly J on the other hand cared, a lot.

They were all going throught their rooms, searching for things they could go without, so they wouldn't have to carry so much.

"If anyone asks," Holly J began, facing Declan and Fiona "Ellie is my younger cousin."

Fiona nodded, understanding a lot better then Declan did, that somethings, a girl would prefer to keep quiet.

"And, if anyone asks about my scars, bruises... tell them..." Fiona tried to think of something "I don't know what to tell them, hopefully they won't notice." she sounded worried.  
"If you don't want them to notice, you'd better be an expert at makeup." Holly J told her.

Fiona looked sad.

"You got in a car crash, Fi." Declan said, staring at his sister.

"Yes... I did, and I must have gotten thrown through the window, picked up, put back in the car and thrown through again." Fiona said, doubting anyone would believe her.

"You're a great actress, everyone will believe you, Fi." Declan said "They probably won't even notice."

Fiona could only wish she believed him, but she didn't.

The next day was the day before they took off, Declan had called their parents telling them about the move, they were not happy about it, not at all, but Declan had reasoned with them that there was "Somebody" that was annoying him and that he was failing, so he needed to get away, he told them that they were never home anyway, so they shouldn't care. They still didn't agree, but since they weren't there, they couldn't do anything about it.

While Declan was telling their parents this, and Holly J was playing with Ellie, the door bell rang. Fiona went to the door and answered it.

It was Bobby. Fiona wanted to make herself slam the door in his face, but it would make him angry, and she knew what happened when he was angry. Instead she just stared at him.

"What do you want?" she asked, coldly, trying to stay cool, but it's hard when your rapist is staring you down. She tried to remember what Declan told her, "When he sees you sad, or angry, it makes him happy."

"Word on the street is that you're moving." he said.

"Yeah, I bet you've been hearing things from the street." Fiona said, staring into his eyes.

"Where to?" he asked, ignoring her insult.

She stared at him, wondering what to say.

"Alabama, but you better now follow me!" she said, hoping he's believe her lie. His expression didn't change, and she couldn't read anything out of him.

"Well... I'll miss you, Fifi." he said, lifting her face to his.

"No, Bobby, I don't _want_ to kiss you, ok? I don't want to see you at all." her voice was cracking.

He grabbed her wrist tightly.

"Dec-lan." Fiona said in a strained tone that was a little louder then she normally talked.

"One moment Fi, I'm in the middle of something" Declan said,

Bobby dragged Fiona outside, she tried to stop him, but she couldn't.

"Get in the car." he growled.

Fiona shook her head, silently, she was proud that she wasn't crying, but she could feel tears in her eyes.

"Get in the car!" he screamed, he punched her in the face, her head hit the side of the car, she opened the truck's door and got inside, staring ahead.

_"Declan come out, please Decs please, Declan..."_ her mind was saying, not the voices, her mind.

Bobby walked around the other side, started the car and began to drive. He wasn't going very fast, Fiona still staring ahead reached for the door handle, but Bobby saw.

"Not a good idea, honey bunches."

He pulled a gun out of the glove box and pointed it at her.

For a second, she couldn't breath, it all seemed to be going in slow motion. The tears began to spill over.

Bobby sped up.

At their house, Declan came downstairs.

"Yes Fi?" he asked, scanning the room for his sister.

"Where are you Fiona?" he asked.

He saw the door open and walked outside, he didn't see anything strange, except on the concrete driveway, a drop of blood, a small drop, that was it, but it was there. He knew something was wrong.

In the car Fiona was crying, they'd reached the country now, a back road with rocks, no one used it.

Bobby looked over and saw Fiona.

"Why are you crying Fifi?" Bobby asked her.

Fiona didn't answer, she stared ahead like she had done the whole ride.

Bobby stopped the car and leaned over, kissing her neck.

She was still looking ahead, still crying.

"We'll get back into the city, and you'll act like you're happy, ok?" he said.

Fiona didn't answer, she was trying to pretend she was somewhere else.

"Ok?" he asked holding the gun against her head.

"Yes." she managed to say through her weeps.

"Alright Fifi." he said kissing her neck again.

She felt her cell phone in her pocket, she knew she couldn't use it, Bobby would see.

They got back on a main road and Bobby stopped for gas.

"Go in and pay, alright? I'll be watching through that window, you don't do anything else." he told her, handing her a twenty dollar bill. She got out of the car and walked calmly inside. She looked back, and Bobby was watching her. She had never been more scared then she was right now.

She made a daring choice and walked to the back of the store, and opened the back door. Once she was out the door she ran faster than she ever ran before, struggling to get her cell-phone out of her pocket. She dialed "1" Declan on speeddile.

"Help!" she screamed as soon as Declan answered the phone. "I'm in the..." Fiona looked around trying to figure out where she was. She ran into a building and into the bathroom. She wasn't sure what the building was but she was afraid to go back out and see, he might be there. She locked herself in one of the stalls "I'm in a bathroom, Bobby came, he has a gun, if you see him, be careful." she said, not stopping to breath.

"Should I call the cops Fiona?" Declan asked in a worried voice.  
Fiona hesitated, she couldn't tell the cops everything... she couldn't.

"No... just find me, ok?"

Declan didn't bother to ask her why she had went anywhere with Bobby.

"I am trying, but where are you?"  
We drove through the country, then..." Fiona stopped "Be quiet ok, don't say anything." she whispered. She heard Bobby's voice.

"Fifi, where are you, I know you're somewhere in this building... I saw you walk in." She saw his feet pass the stall he was in. She crawled into a different one, the first one, she opened the stall door and ran out. She looked behind her, seeing Bobby had saw her. She ran up the stairs of what ever building it was... she looked behind her again. No Bobby, but it seemed as if she was in a hair museum.  
"Hey, are you going to pay?" a man asked behind her.

She turned and faced him, breathing hard, "Yes." she said quickly, reaching for the $20 Bobby had given her.

"Here's your ticket and change ma'am."

She took the ticket. "Keep the change." she said quickly, she continued up the stairs.

"I'm in a muesem." she told Declan

"I'm on my way, Fi, hang tight alright."

"Yes, I'm on the second floor, in the...just hurry... please."

"I will,and Fi, I love you." he said.

"I love you too." she hung up her phone, put it in her pocket. She heard Bobby come up the stairs, she crawled over the ropes that kept people from touching artifacts, she hid inside the native american tepee. She hoped Declan would come soon.


	21. Beside a Broken Stoplight and a Bank

The trouble with hiding in a tepee, is that the museums put sensors on everything, so if someone tried to steal it, they could hear a loud beeping noise, Fiona already knew this, but she had hoped this museum didn't have them, but they did, and Bobby was smart.

He climbed over and grabbed Fiona's wrist, picked her up and carried her out of the tepee.

A museum employee met them halfway out the door.

"I'm sorry, this is my mentally ill sister, she wanted to play with the exibits." Bobby said, in a perfectly charming voice.  
"No, I was trying to steal the tepee, I will try to steal it again..." Fiona struggled to say through the pain he was causing on her wrist, she wanted them to take her to the cops, anything to get her away from Bobby.

"See... normally I watch her a lot better, but today's her birthday and..."

"Enough said." the museum employee said, "Just keep her out of here."

"Thank you, ma'am." Bobby said.

"No wait!" Fiona exclaimed fighting against him.

The employee was already walking in a different direction.

Bobby dragged her out, and behind the museum, he pushed her to the ground.  
"I told you, to pay and get back out there, and did you?" he growled.

She didn't answer, she just cried, she didn't know if she _could_ answer. He punched her in the face.

"_Did you?_" he asked again.

"No!" she choked out, gaurding herself with her arms.

"That's what I thought." he said, sitting down beside her.

She tried to move away from him but he just followed her.

"I just want what's best for you Fifi, me and you, can excape your brother, and his girlfriend, and just be alone." he said, leaning over and kissing her lips.

"You and me can have it great together, you won't have to listen to your brother, at all, you and me... all the time in the world."

Fiona stared ahead crying.

"Don't cry, my sweet Fiona..." he said, kissing her another time and running his hand up her leg.

She grabbed his arm, preventing him from touching her anymore.

"You _hurt_ me Bobby, really badly, you took _everything_, I wouldn't want to be with you, ok? Ever." She tried to get up but Bobby had ahold of her arm.  
"What? What did I do that took everything?" he asked her, scooting closer to her.

"You _raped_ me!" she said, wondering how he could forget.

"Oh, Fifi, one day everyone has sex, it's an experiance of life, and I just wanted to share it with you."

He wrapped his arm around her and started kissing her, she stared ahead, trying to pretend she wasn't there.

Fiona reached into her pocket and pressed "1". She muted the other line, so that Declan could hear her but she couldn't hear him.

"Bobby stop! We're behind the museum by the..." she glanced around, "by a broken stoplight... and the bank!"

"Ok..." Bobby said, continueing to kiss her.

Declan was trying to find Fiona, but "We went through the country" wasn't a very good hint, there was one country road, but after he got through that, he had no idea where she might be.

The phone rang and he heard Bobby talking in the background.

Fiona muttered something about how they were in the by the broken stoplight, the bank... she kept saying things "kissing" "pet store..." "Get away."

Declan was confused at first, and then he realized that his sister was giving him clues. He thought it was very clever.

"Ok.. Fi, I'm coming ok..." he kept the phone on speaker.

"Fifi... you're so pretty... don't cry... pretty girl..." Bobby said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Don't touch me."

"Oh sweetie, it's ok, you don't have to pretend anymore... no one's here."

"Pretend?" Fiona asked in wonder... what did Bobby think was going on? He thought that she was pretending?

"I'll make it clear, you slapped me, you punched me, kicked me... raped me! I'm not pretending I hate you!" Fiona screamed.

"I _didn't_ rape you." Bobby stated.

Fiona stared at him with awe, he had everything so wrong, how could he think that.

"I said that I didn't want to." she stated, avoiding his stare. "I tried to get up and before then I told you that I didn't want to have sex."

"Sweetie... no you didn't." Bobby said. He was playing with her mind, a game that he was _so_ good at.

"_Please Declan get here soon, he's slobbering all over me..."_

Bobby slid his hand up her leg again and she slapped it away.

He grabbed her wrist and stood her up.

"You and me need to get an agreement, you do what I say and you don't get hurt." he growled.

Declan saw a museum, The American Museum of Natural History.

It took forever to find a parking space, but finally he did, he looked around seeing a broken stoplight... a petstore... no bank... yes there was a bank.

He walked out behind museum and heard his sister.

"This is what I was talking about... you say you don't control me but you do!" she said, her voice paniced.

Declan watched from a distance, he stayed for a long time, hoping Bobby would turn a different direction.

After almost 30 minutes Bobby said "Now I'll be back, if you leave, I'll shoot you."

Fiona picked up her phone as soon ad Bobby was gone.  
"Declan please hurry!" she screamed, into the phone, unmuting it.

"I'm right here, Fi." Declan said, standing up from behind his hiding spot.

Fiona got up and ran over to him.

Declan rushed his sister out, they went the longest way possible, trying to make sure Bobby didn't see them, where ever he went to...

Finally they got to Declan's car. Declan went the country way, so they could go fast, no speed limits were in the country. When they got home, Declan sat her down on the couch.

"What exaclty happened?" Declan asked her, Holly J was sitting beside him.

Fiona told them everything and at the very end Declan gave her a hug. "I'm so glad you're ok Fi, you're so brave."

Holly J had tried to convince Fiona to tell the police, but she wouldn't.

"We're moving soon, and I'll never see him again, it's fine." Fiona had said, she hoped he wouldn't follow her, she was more scared of him now than ever.


	22. Can You Keep Secrets?

In the car. That's where they were now. Fiona was trying to keep Ellie quiet, she was about four months old now, and she was playing with a stuffed rabbit Fiona had picked out for her. Holly J was asleep, leaning against Fiona in the backseat, Declan was driving.

Holly J had told Fiona about the time when she was held at gunpoint at The Dot, and her friend, Spinner had gotten shot. Fiona couldn't imagine Holly J to be in a position like that... it seemed so weird.

It was only a small ride on the plane, an hour, at most.

Fiona stared out the window, thinking about everything that had been happening to her. When she was little, like eight years old, she knew about violence, the stuff that was on TV... their parents didn't watch over them much, except to tell her to fix the wrinkles in her pantyhoes, and tell Declan to tuck in his shirt... they had to be proper, but as a result of that, Fiona could do research on the family computer, she and Declan came across many inappropriate things together on that computer. They'd hear something on the news, and look it up, learn more about it.

When Fiona would be upset because their trip to the park was cancled, or because she had to eat something she didn't want to, she'd often think about crying. She didn't cry for two reasons, and she had made them up herself. Number One, you don't want people to think you're weak, and number two, you don't have anything to cry about. -She would tell herself that, "Some people are getting beat up by their parents right now." or "Some people's family just got killed."

She used that stratagy when she was eight, and from then on. She continued to use it when Bobby would hit her.

"_Don't cry, he'll think you're weak, and you have nothing to cry about."_

She used to be able to think of one thing that was common, "You aren't getting hurt." but to make herself believe that she didn't have anything to cry about she would say, "Some people are getting beat up and raped just like you, but their parents are dead, and their siblings are dead... they also have no money, and they are hungry and thirsty, it's raining there and they're wet." with satisfaction, she would think "There, that isn't happening to me." but as more and more things started happening to her, it started being harder and harder, ridiculas things, no one's whole family is dying in a car crash while their boyfriends are abusing them, while they don't have a home while they don't have money, when at the same time they are cold and hungry... no one. So stratagy number two was taken off the board, useless now.

On the other hand, people thinking you're weak worked more, but sometimes you couldn't help it.

Declan had told her, that it would surely be a long time before she stopped having nightmares, and stopped jumping at every sound. He had said it after almost a whole night on the computer, researching it. It was sweet of him, Fiona thought, but she also found it a little strange.

She had sneaked onto his laptop and saw the history.

"Rape Victems - How it Feels" "What _is_ this thing?" she had thought.

"Domestic Violence - Helping Those Around You." She thought these websites were strange, some of them were disturbing... Declan had visited tons of websites and spent at least 20 minutes on each of them, just to help her, try to understand what she was thinking. She knew he was the greatest brother anyone could ask for.

"Fi..." Declan said, shaking his sister awake, she must have fell asleep.

"We're here, can you carry Ellie for me, I'll get your bag." Declan asked.

Fiona nodded, taking the baby from him. They got out of their car, and Declan turned the key that was to their house, their old-new house in Canada... away from Bobby. They kept most of their houses, just in case they had to move back. Fiona and Declan still had most of their things in this house.

Holly J faced a dilima.

"How are we going to do this, with Ellie, and my mom?" Holly J had asked.

"Pretend that Ellie is our cousin instead of your's." Fiona suggested.

"How are we both going to be able to see her though?" Holly J asked, "If I have to live back at my mom's house... who will Ellie stay with?"  
Fiona realized the problem... "Us... because... she's our cousin..." she said, wondering how this would turn out.

"But I don't want to leave my baby!" Holly J declared.

"Tell your mom you want to live with us."

"Well, maybe your parents would allow you to go anywhere, but my mom..."

"I see." Fiona said.

"Well... we'll just spend a lot of time here... I guess." Fiona suggested.

"You could just tell your mom... she's only your mom..."

"It's not that easy, Fiona, you've never had to do something this hard! I've got it way worse then you ever did!" Holly J insisted, she was very stressed, wondering what she should do.

Fiona stared at her for a long time. "Yeah," she said, handing Holly J Ellie, "I haven't had to do anything that even resembles telling my parents that I willingly had sex with someone who I loved." and she walked away.

"Fiona, wait!" Holly J said, calling her friend back. "I didn't mean it like that, ok? I'm sorry!"

Fiona slowed down. "Where's Declan?" she asked.

"Enrolling us back into Degrassi... why?"

"I'm just wondering... I think... I think I'll visit Anya."

"Anya?" Holly J asked "Can I come?"

"I kind of wanted to go alone..." Fiona said, not sure how her conversation with Anya would go.

"Ok... well see you."

"Bye, Holly J."

Fiona reached the door to Anya's house and rang the doorbell

Her mother answered. "Hi, Ms. MacPherson. Is Anya home?"

"Yes, she is, in her room."

Fiona walked down the hall and into Anya's room. Anya looked as if she had been crying.

"Anya, what's wrong?" Fiona asked.

"He's playing with me." Anya whispered. "Sav is playing with me, and just using me!"

Fiona sighed, "Well... guys tend to not treat good people well."

Anya looked up at Fiona, "Fiona!" she screamed loudly, smiling "What are you doing here?"

"We moved back..." Fiona said.

"Cool, and did you hit the makeup bar, not to be rude, but you're wearing way to much."

Fiona laughed a little "I know."

"Well here, take it off." Anya suggested, handing Fiona a rag.

Fiona shook her head. "Can you keep secrets?" she asked, Anya, besides for Holly J and Declan was her best friend.

"Yes I can." Anya said... looking at her friend with concearn.

"In New York, I met a guy... and he hurt me... in lots of different ways." Fiona said, quietly.

"No use wearing that makeup..." Anya said, helping Fiona take her makeup off.

When it was off Anya tried to hold back her surprise.

"And, that's why you moved." she stated, like a question.

Fiona nodded.

"Well he could have done worser things, then hit you." she said, at a feeble attempt to make Fiona feel better.

"Like what?" Fiona asked, trying not to cry. Why did she always set herself up like this? In the pefect "Talk about things that bring back memories" trap.

"Like _rape_ me?" Fiona asked staring at her friend with tears in her eyes.

"...Did he...?" Anya asked, Fiona nodded, sinking into Anya's bed.

Anya sat beside her, wondering what to say next.

"Fiona... does anyone else know?" Anya asked.

"Declan, but he's a teenage boy, a player none the less, and he's busy, and Holly J, but she's also busy, and Holly J." Fiona said "Declan's been great but... he's not a girl, it's harder for him to understand that kind of stuff..." Fiona added.

Anya smiled a bit at the "Holly J is Holly J." part, boy did she know that.

"Well... I'm here, and you know that... alright."

Fiona nodded, hoping Anya would understand.


	23. I Almost Jumped Off Of the Roof

Fiona stayed at Anya's house, for a while... she was happy her friend was with her. Most of the time Declan was the one who understood her the most, but Declan was busy with Holly J, and Ellie a lot lately.

When Fiona had stopped crying she asked Anya "What have you been doing?"

"Well... for awhile... I thought I was pregnant, but false alarm... thank goodness." Anya answered.  
"Some people aren't so lucky." Fiona answered thinking of Holly J.

"Are you pregnant?" Anya asked, raising her eyebrows, realizing that this is the same fashion Fiona had said "Guys like to treat nice people badly."

"No... not me." Fiona answered, careful not to reveal Holly J's secret.

"Was it... Vicky?" Anya asked, referring to Fiona's cousin who took drugs.

"No, not Victoria." Fiona said, rolling her eyes.

Anya covered her mouth "Holly J." she stated "It was Holly J!"

"No, it wasn't her either!" Fiona said, unconvincingly.

"It was!" Anya said, very surprised.

"Yes, it was but you can't tell anyone ok?" said Fiona.

"Of course... I won't but really? Is it Declan's?"  
"Yes."

"So you're going to be an aunt?"

"Am an aunt... that's me, Aunt Fiona. But if anyone asks she's my younger cousin, Holly J doesn't want anyone to know, so if you see her, act like you don't know ok?"

"Well, yeah... I can do that." Anya answered, "What's her name?"

"Ellie Michelle Sinclair Coyne... long huh?" Fiona answered with a small laugh.

"It's just the two last names." Anya answered, smiling to herself at the thought of Holly J being a mother."  
"She's four months old, and you should see her, she looks a lot like Holly J, her hair's a little darker than Holly J's, and her eyes are like Declan's, she has Holly J's nose... you can tell... here." Fiona said, taking out her phone and showing Anya a picture of Ellie.

"She's so cute!" Anya said, smiling at the baby, and almost wishing she had one of her own, almost.

"Well, I should probably get home." Fiona said... "Declan will be worried, he's been protective since... I made some bad choices in New York..."  
"What could someone as sophisticated as Fiona Coyne do that was bad?"

Fiona sighed, she felt like it was best to be honest with Anya... she'd understand better that way.

"Bobby, the guy who... he kept finding me... anywhere I went anywhere. I thought I'd see him everywhere, I passed out twice, once at the pool, another time I went to his house, passed out. I started hearing voices... and he gave me ecstasy and I took it, and got drunk... did some stupid things... and I tried to..." Fiona stopped but Anya kept staring at her, knowing there was more to the story.

"I almost jumped off a roof." Fiona admitted.

"_Really?"_ Anya asked, not believing Fiona would so something like that.

Fiona laughed a little "Really."

Anya just stared at her friend. No one said anything for the longest time.

"Well, I'll walk home with you..." Anya said at last.

Fiona nodded, and got up, Anya followed her.

They made small talk on the way home, and when they got back Fiona walked in the door. Declan and Holly J where talking in the other room.

"But I can't not see my baby for a day ok, I can't so what do I do?" Holly J asked Declan.

Then they both noticed that Anya was with Fiona.

Holly J stared at Anya, not saying anything.  
Holly J was holding Ellie on her hip and holding up a bottle of juice for her.

Anya and Fiona extanged glances. Anya looked back at Holly J "You have a baby?" she asked, you'd think it was the first time she'd heard.

Holly J sighed "Yes, _we_ have a baby." she said, glancing at Declan.

"I won't judge you." Anya said "I had a scare myself, but I wasn't... so..." Anya said, walking closer to Holly J.

"What's her name and how old is she?" Anya asked, making it more convincing that she haden't heard the news already.

"She's four months and 6 days old." Holly J stated, "And her name is Ellie, Ellie Michelle"

"I like that name." Anya said staring at the baby, she was very adorable.

"Too bad you didn't have one, they could be friends." Holly J said.

Anya laughed, "I came over here, just to see how you are, and... now it seems I know everything, Holly J and Fiona's secrets," Anya said in a playful voice "Declan, what did _you_ do in New York? I guess you go along with Holly J in the pregnancy thing?"

Declan smiled at Anya. "Yes I do."

"Well, you guys should be proud, all of you, Ellie's adorable and you are awesome parents, and Fiona, you're an awesome aunt,but I have to get home... so bye, talk to you later." Anya said.

She walked home wondering how every possible thing could go wrong between three people within only a few months.

"So I can just _tell_ my mom, and you don't think she'll be at all upset." Holly J said as more of a sarcastic statement, than a question.

"You can try." Declan said.

"I'll go with you." Fiona said "You went to the doctors with me."

"I'll go too, though your mother will probably kill me." Declan said.

Holly J gave a little laugh, "Possibly..." she said

"Well... it's getting a little late... so if you're going to do something do it now." Fiona said.

"Well... she called me an hour ago asking me where I was... I told her that I was visiting friends... but you can't visit for too long."

"Then, let's go, than." Declan said, "It'll be fine."

They got into the car and drove to Mrs. Sinclair's house.


	24. X equals 34

**-Made up my own character this part... a newish kid-**

Declan knocked on the door of Holly J's house. Mrs. Sinclair answered almost immediantally. Seeing Declan at her door she rolled her eyes, she wasn't very fond of any boy who dated her daughters.

"Hello, Mr. Coyne... Miss. Coyne... Holly J and..." Mrs. Sinclair's eyes stopped on Ellie.

"If you would, I'd rather you call me Declan." Declan answered, in his most mature voice.

Fiona stood quietly in the corner of the room.

"Mom... this is Ellie." Holly J said, shifting Ellie from one side to the other.

"And Ellie is..." Mrs. Coyne said, her eyes narrowing at Declan.

"Ellie is my daughter... my and Declan's daughter." Holly J admitted.

"So I am only 45 and I have a _granddaughter_?" Mrs. Sinclair asked, as if she didn't believe that teenagers were capable of getting pregnant.

"Listen, don't worry about it, ok? Declan and I have everything under control, she's almost 9 months old now, so I think we're fine!" Holly J told her mother, in a stern voice, walking out the door.

Fiona and Declan stood there awkwardly, finally, Declan turned to Mrs. Coyne and held out his hand to her, when she didn't take it, he placed his hand on her shoulder and walked out, Fiona lightly nodded at Mrs. Sinclair.

Mrs. Sinclair was left stunned by the news. It was a strange three minute conversation, with a boy she'd saw five times, getting her daughter pregnant, and his sister... covered in bruises... she thought it was strange, and was a little concerned.

The next day at school, Declan, Fiona and Holly J left Ellie at Holly J's mother's, who was just recovering from the shock.

Fiona was holding her winter coat tightly around her, it was snowy and cold here, she hated the cold.

A boy walked up to Fiona. "I haven't seen you around, are you new?" he asked.

"Old-new. We move a lot. Last year I was new too." she said, trying to sound friendly, though she was getting a lot of stares from her amazing amount of makeup, it was making her frusterated.

"My name's Logan." he said, holding out his hand.

Fiona took it and shook it lightly. "I'm Fiona."

"Listen, you look smart, afterschool, can you help me with my math?" Logan asked.

Fiona stared at him. "Umm... sure." she said.

"Ok thanks, what's your first class?"

"Media Immersions..." Fiona answered.

"Me too." Logan replied.

Declan sat beside Fiona in the computer lab.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Logan asked.

"No, it's my brother, Declan." Fiona said, tired of everyone asuming that he was her boyfriend.

"Oh, that's cool." Logan said, looking around the room, "Who's she?" he said pointing to Holly J,

"She's my brother's girlfriend, Holly J." Fiona answered, trying to get back to her work.

"Are you someone's girlfriend?" Logan asked.

"No." Fiona said, plainly, not wanted him to ask anymore questions.

Logan didn't respond.

At lunch Fiona sat down at the tables, Declan and Holly J were sitting by her. Logan walked up to them at sat down in the empty seat on the left side of Fiona.

"Hello, Fiona, Declan, Holly J..." Logan said.

"Who's this, Fi?" Declan asked.  
"This is Logan... I met him this morning and he asked me to help him with his math after school." Fiona stated.

Declan stared at the boy. "Can I talk to you a minute, outside the caf?" he asked.

Logan looked at Declan, then at Fiona, "If you wish, sir." he replied.

Declan led the boy outside the cafeteria.

"What's your definition of "studying" for math?" he asked Logan.  
"Practicing math problems, why?" Logan asked, looking around the hall way... trying to see if anyone would be able to save him if this boy started to beat him up.

"It better stay that way then, ok, because Fi, she's my sister, and it's my job to keep the dirtbags off of her, and after she got..." Declan stopped, his sister had told him to keep it a secret, so he would.

Logan didn't question the "after she got" part, but thought about it, "I'm just trying to make friends, ok, your sister, Fiona, she looked uncomfortable and I thought she could use a friend, ok?"

Declan stared at the boy, who seemed to be telling the truth.

"Ok." Declan said "Lets go back to the caf."

He walked back smiling, it was half fake, he was just scared of anyone getting close to his sister again.

"You're brother's..." Logan thought about how to finish that sentence "Protective." he finished.

"I like it that way." Fiona said, staring ahead, not making contact with the boy.

"My house or your house?" Logan asked.

"What?" Fiona asked.

"For the studying, want to go to my house or your's?"

"Oh... studying."

"Holly J whispered something to Fiona, "Ellie'll be at our house, you have to go to his."

"Your's, I guess." Fiona had answered, though she was terrified of being alone with this boy.

After school, Fiona was sitting the boy's small house. His parents were gone, his father was dead and his mother, at the bar.

All they did was study... just study and that was it, small talk, but studying.

They continued to study everynight for four and a half weeks.

One day, Fiona finished the problem "So, then that means x=34." Fiona said.

Logan leaned in and kissed her on the lips. She wanted to pull away, but normally a pull away from a kiss meant a slap in the face. She stayed there, not moving at all. He kissed her again and she started to cry.

Logan stopped and stared at her, "What's wrong, Fiona?" he asked.

She shook her head, a year ago if someone kissed her like that, she would have pulled away, quickly, but not now, after Bobby.

"Are you ok, Fiona... what's wrong?" he asked. "Did you not want to kiss me?" he asked.  
Fiona shook her head no, still crying.

"Why didn't you say so?" he asked softly, wiping away some of her tears with his thumb.

Fiona just shook her head.

Her phone rang, and it was Declan. "Hey Fi, Listen it's snowing a lot, and the news says the roads are closer, so... you know you are probably going to have to stay there... ok?" Declan asked, sounding a little irritated, "Be careful, Fi." he said.

"I will Decs, thinks for telling me." Fiona answered.

"Have you been crying Fiona, what did he do?"  
"Nothing, he didn't do anything." Fiona answered.

"Call me if he does anything then, ok?" Declan asked.

"I will." she said "Bye, love you."

"Love you too, bye." Declan answered. The line went dead.

"Who was that?" Logan asked.

"Decs... Declan." Fiona answered. Sitting down as far away as possible from Logan. "He said the roads were closed, so I have to stay here."

"Oh... well, you can have my bed when we sleep, I'll use the couch."

Fiona stared at him, amazed he wasn't going to try to make them sleep in the same bed.

She had stopped crying, now she was just sniffling.

"Fiona, in all seriousness, why didn't you just tell me you didn't want to kiss me, I wouldn't be mad." he told her.

"Well, not all people are like that." Fiona muttered.

Logan stared at her strangely.

He noticed that her makeup was rubbing off, because she was crying, but he didn't say anything.

She knew that he saw it though, "Is my makeup coming off?" she asked him.  
He nodded and handed her a tissue, she wiped all the makeup off, and stared down, she didn't want him to see her. She was already wearing a dress with pants under it, and a jacket.

"Fiona... look at me." he said, in a serious voice.

She slowly looked up at him.

"Fiona, what happened?" he asked in a surprised voice.

She was sweating in her jacked at pants so she took those off too, leaving her in only a dress, at least she wasn't sweating so much, Logan already saw the bruises.

"Oh my god...Fiona..." he said.

Fiona continued to look down, trying to avoid his eyes that were staring her down.

Logan took her hand, "Tell me, Fiona... what happened?" he asked her.

She stared at him, for a long time before saying "My old boyfriend, Bobby..." saying his name made her stop.

"Fiona, don't be afraid to tell me it's ok." he said, his voice was soft and caring.

"He... he would h-hurt me... and he... r-raped me." she started crying loudly.

Logan watched her, she curled up at the edge of the couch, and Logan scooted closer to her. He brushed the hair out of her face. not saying much except for "You're going to be ok."

She leaned against him and he put his arm around her.

"How could he hurt someone as beautiful as you?" he whispered into her hair, more to himself then to her. She continued to cry for a long while, after she stopped crying, she stayed leaned against him for awhile before sitting up and staring ahead, not believing what she had just done... just let another person know about it, a man know that she was easy to boss, easy to hurt. She thought of how stupid she was, she thought she shouldn't trust this man... but she did.


	25. Knock Me Down

Fiona stared up at Logan, who was asleep. She had fell asleep, using his lap as a pillow, she stared at the clock, 1:39 AM. She almost trusted him... but couldn't help but be just a little scared.

She slowly slid out from under his arms, Logan woke up.

"You alright?" he asked her.

She nodded. He stared into her crystal blue eyes.

"Something's wrong." he said "I can tell."

She stared straight at him. "I'm sorry..." she began.

"Sorry? For what?" he asked her, obviously confused.

"I'm sorry, I don't _trust_ you... but I can't... I'm so sorry!" Fiona replied.

"You have a good reason not to trust me, I don't blame you, it must be hard..."

Fiona tilted her head at him. Was he playing with her, being nice, like Bobby was at first just to metephorically and literally speaking, knock her down later, or was he being truthful. If he was telling lies, acting, then he was good at it.

Fiona swallowed "It is." she said, "It's very hard."

Logan was silent. He sat staring ahead.

"How long- How long was he with you?" Logan asked, suddenly.

"A long time." Fiona answered.

"You didn't tell me everything." Logan said "I can tell."

Fiona looked up at him.  
"You don't _have_ to tell me everything, though." he told her.

There was something about the way he said it, how he didn't care if she told her, no one had ever done that before. It was always "Tell me, tell me, tell me, we need to know." It had made her _want_ to tell him.

"I was _very_ stupid." Fiona informed Logan.  
Logan waited for her to continue.

"I kept going back to him, ended up being in the hospital twice, out cold, tried to jump off a roof, took ecstasy, drank..." she began, her eyes filling up again "And I was just being so... so stupid."

"Hush... Fiona, you aren't stupid, you were stressed, that's all."

She tucked her legs closer to her body. "It's kind of cold." she said... changing the subject.

"Yeah... the heater turns off at 2 AM every night." he said, "Guess I've gotten used to it, I'll be right back."

He got up and returned with a heavy quilt, tucking it around her.

"That better?"

"Yes... where is your mom and dad?" she asked.

"Somewhere, she left a week ago...and my dad died in a boating accident when I was twelve" Logan said simply.

"So you've been alone?" Fiona asked, sitting up.

"Yeah, normal for me, I bet your parents are home all the time..."

"No... my father is a diplomat... he and my mom are gone most of the time."

"Diplomat?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows. "Wow..."

"That's the response I get from most people." Fiona answered.  
"What about your brother, your family that is."

"My brother Declan and I are twins. He's always been protective... but a lot more lately..." Fiona began "...for obvious reasons. He's my best friend, he's always been there for me, and since we move a lot, neither of us can really make friends, so, yeah, we're bestfriends." Fiona finished with a whisper.

"He your only sibling?" Logan asked, opening a can of sprite and offering to to Fiona, she said "No thanks." and he preceeded to drink it.

Fiona nodded, "Except for Holly J's kind of family... a little. And my niece, Ellie."

"Holly J has a child?" Logan asked.

Fiona shrugged, Logan is fine, he won't tell anyone.

"Yeah... but please don't tell anyone."

"Sure..."

Fiona yawned.  
"Let me show you to the bed." Logan said, seeing she was tierd.

Fiona's heart skipped a beat, to the bed, the last man who said that to her was...

Fiona got up and looked outside, there was a lot of snow, but she thought she could take it.

"Fiona, were are you going?" Logan asked, walking towards her. She expected him to grab her wrist, whirl her around, push her against the wall, but instead he placed his hand on her shoulder, she flinched.

"Fiona, what did I do, you know it's really snowy, cold out there."

"I w-want to go home to Declan." she whispered, trying to hold back tears.

"Ok..." Logan said, in a confused voice, "I'll get my keys and I'll take you back."

Fiona nodded her head at him.  
They got in the car, and the roads were pretty slick... but they managed.

He walked her up to their door. "This is your house?" he asked, obviously amazed.

Fiona nodded, big houses were perfectly normal to her, ever since forever.

"Goodbye, Fiona." Logan said, she just looked at him, and he closed the door.

Fiona, happy that _her_ house had a heater. She walked into Declan's room, Holly J was the only one there. She asumed that he'd be with Ellie... but he wasn't there either. She looked all around the house until she looked at the couch in the upstairs living room, Declan was there, staring ahead into space, a glass of water in his hand. He was awake, and he was covered up with a blanket.

When he looked up and saw Fiona he got up and hugged her.

"Fi, what are you doing here?" he asked her "I thought you were stuck with that guy!"

"He drove me home, I told him I wanted to go home." Fiona said.

"He _drove_ in this weather? That's such a _stupid _thing to do!"

"I was freaking out... he was being nice... he's nice." Fiona replied.

Declan sighed, seperating himself from his sister "You said that about _him_ too."

Fiona avoided his eyes, but she was thinking about this herself.

"You aren't my boss Declan." she said finally, looking up at him.

"I know that, I'm just your brother, but I'm trying to keep you safe, by saying my opinions."

She stared at floor, "I hate it when you do this Declan, tell me what to do" then she looked into his eyes, "...But I agree with you."

"What were you doing when I called?" Declan asked.

"He... he kissed me... but that's it."

"Why were you crying then?" Declan asked, sternly.

"I'm used to Bobby, I didn't want the kiss, but I was afraid to say so..."

"And he didn't even ask?" Declan said, his voice rising.

"He stopped when he saw I was crying..." Fiona said, "And I want to trust him, but I can't Decs, I can't."

"That's ok, you probably shouldn't." Declan said, taking his sister's hand.

"Decs... I _want_ to have friends, ok? But I'm..." her voice broke, "I'm _scared_ of everyone."

Declan brushed her hair away from her face, as he often did when he noticed it was there.

"You shouldn't be." he said "Not everyone will hurt you."

"I know... but I don't know who will, and who won't." Fiona said.  
"It's tricky, isn't it?" He said, smiling gently at his sister.

She tried to smile back.


	26. Who Hurts You?

A week later, Logan knocked on the door to Fiona's house, it was the first day of Christmas vacation.

"Come on in!" Holly J said, seeing it was Logan.

Logan came in and saw Fiona on the floor laying on her back laughing. She was playing with Ellie.

"Hey Fiona." Logan said, sitting down on the floor beside her.

Fiona sat up, and looked at Declan, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Hi." she said.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine..." she said.

"Fiona... I want to talk to you." he said to her.

She looked up at him and stood up. "Ok, what do you want to talk about?" she asked quizzically.  
Holly J was watching from the other room with amusement.

"In private." he said... glancing at Holly J.

"Ok..." Fiona said, unsurely as she picked up Ellie.

"Holly J, I'm going upstairs, Ellie's in there playing." she said.

Holly J smiled, "Ok."

Logan followed Fiona up the stairs and into her room. He started to close the door and Fiona stopped him "No!" she said in a paniced voice. Logan looked at her before opening the door back up.

Fiona sat down on the edge of her bed and Logan sat down beside her.

"I want to be more than friends with you." Logan said.

Fiona stared down. "I want to be more than friends with you too..." she said, she leaned in and kissed him.

When she stopped, he stared at her. She wasn't smiling, infact she was frowning.

"You don't have to do this to be my girlfriend, if you want we can just be friends." Logan said.

"I love you, Logan." Fiona said, looking Logan in the eye.

"I love you too, but if you don't want to do physical things, then neither do I."

"It's not you, Logan, it's me. After him... physical things..."

Logan put his finger to her lips. "I understand... say no more."

"But it's never going to be better, Logan, don't you understand?" she yelled.

"I don't care if you kiss me, or any of that stuff, I just want you." he told her.

She looked at him as if she didn't believe him.  
She leaned in and kissed him again. He pried her off of him, "Fiona, I don't _need_ this!"

"It's fine." Fiona said, continueing to kiss him. Logan started to kiss back. Fiona took off her shirt as they continued to kiss.

"See? I don't mind doing this stuff, ok?" Fiona said, her voice was shakey.

"Fiona..." Logan said, pulling away from her, "I told you I don't need you to do this, ok, stop!"

Fiona started crying, "We need to do this if we want to be in a healthy relationship!" she said quickly, and all in one breath.

"No... no we don't Fiona." Logan said, holding Fiona away from him by her shoulders.

Fiona continued to cry. "You don't really want this, I'd be a _prick_ to do this to you when you're acting like this!" Logan insisted

"Acting like what?" Fiona asked.

"You are still hurting from _him_ and I can't use you when you're still hurting." he said, then added "Ok?"

Fiona didn't say anything so he gave her shoulders a little squeeze "Ok Fiona?" he asked again.

Fiona nodded at him laying back on the bed.

Logan layed beside her.

"You know I have no need for _that_ kind of love, I'm a virgin and I haven't gotten addicted to that dirty stuff..."

"I'm not a virgin, I'm _dirty_." Fiona whispered.

"You are not dirty, and that doesn't count for losing your virginity." Logan said, looking over at her.

"Sex- not a virgin." Fiona stated.

"What happened to you, was _not_ sex."

Declan came in and heard the whole conversation, by standing by the door.

"You know what Fi?" Declan asked.

Fiona sat up, hearing his voice, she quickly put her shirt back on. And Declan rolled his eyes, he's seen her in a bra before... same thing as a batheing suit.

"What?" she asked, nervously smiling at him.

"Logan is a good guy, me and him could even be friends... he gives the same advice I do, and he loves my sister _almost_ as much as I do." Declan said, sitting by his sister.

He put his arm around her and smiled, "Logan could help you feel better, I have to concentrate on Ellie, and Holly J... I need as much help as possible."

Fiona smiled up at him, "Decs, you're the greatest."

Declan smiled at her, "You're the best sister, and deserve a good guy like him." Declan said pointing at Logan.

He walked around to the other side of the bed and whispered something to Logan, who looked at him strangely. Declan winked at Fiona and walked out of the room.

"What did he say?" Fiona asked.  
"Nothing." Logan said shaking his head laughing.

"Logan... what?"

"Something about his fist coming into contact with my face if I hurt you."

Fiona laughed.  
Logan looked at his watch, "My mom said she'd send money... to buy food. I'd better go and see if she told the truth this time."

Fiona looked at him, in a strange way.

Once Logan was gone Fiona found Declan putting away clothes.

"Decs, I don't _want_ a boyfriend." Fiona said.

Declan turned around after putting Ellie's clothes in the drawer "Fiona, why'd you tell him you did?" Declan asked, facing his sister.  
"Because... I don't know."

Declan gave her a disaproving look. "You can't mess around with people like that."

"Well, Decs, you do it too, you're a _player_ and," Fiona said the next part slowly and pronouncing every sylabol. "Ev-ery-one knows it."

Declan sighed, "I know Fi, but that's changed since Holly J."

Fiona sighed looking down.

"Maybe you're scared." he said quietly.

Fiona looked up at him, "What's there to be scared of, Declan, I should be over it by now!"

"Why do you think that?" Declan asked his sister.

"Because it always takes them a week after it happened and then their fine!"

"Who's _them_?" Declan asked slowly.

"Everyone on TV and..." Declan cut her off.

"Honestly Fi, the people on television?" Declan asked with a tone that was mixed between amusement and disbelief.

"You always hear about it Decs, people are supposed to heal faster then this, it's been almost two years since I told you guys... back when Holly J was pregnant with Ellie, remember? I told you about him and she told you she was pregnant?"  
"Yes, I remember Fi, but it isn't that easy. Some people heal faster then you are, but that's ok. I read online that the longer the person is abused and the degree of the abuse is a factor."

"I read online... that's all you ever talk about, but they don't know how it feels at all." Fiona's voice broke, and quivered at the end.

"Oh Fiona..." Declan began "I was just trying to help you... that's all..." he took her hand.

"I know... Decs... I know."  
"Don't put on your sad puppy eyes, Fi, you know it'll make me sad too."

Fiona tried to give her brother a smile, but it didn't work.

"What am I suposed to tell him Declan?" Fiona asked.

Declan didn't have time to answer because Holly J came upstairs, "Ellie just threw up, _everywhere."_ she said, holding the baby.

"I'll help." Declan said. Holly J handed Ellie to Fiona and rushed back downstairs with Holly J behind him.

Fiona dressed Ellie in clean clothes and took her back to the nursery, put her in her crib.

After a few minutes Declan and Holly J walked back up the stairs, it was getting late.

"Fiona?" Declan asked, looking for his sister. He saw Ellie asleep in the crib. He walked into Fiona's room. She was sitting on her bed.

"Whatcha doing Fi?" he asked her.

"Thinking."

"About what?" Declan asked.  
"About Logan. What am I suposed to tell him?" Fiona asked.

"Just tell him that you don't want to be his girlfriend."  
"What if he doesn't understand?"  
"Then he doesn't deserve to even talk to you, Fi."

Fiona smiled at him. "You going to try to sleep in here tonight Fi?"

Fiona looked around and nodded "Yeah, I think I will."

"Ok, Fiona, if you get scared or anything then just come and get me, ok?" Declan asked.

Fiona nodded and hugged her brother "Goodnight Decs."  
"Night, Fi." he told her, walking out of the room and turning off the light and shutting the door.

Fiona waited awhile before getting up and turning the lights back on, and cracking the door.

Fiona had a bad dream, this time, instead of it being Bobby it was Logan. She woke up breathing deeply, and crying. She got up and checked under the bed, in the closet, everywhere, for Bobby. She didn't think Logan would hurt her... but it was in the back of her mind.


	27. Keep Busy

In the morning Declan walked into Fiona's room.

"How were you last night?" he asked her, seeing she was already awake.

"Fine... just perfect." Fiona replied with sarcasm in her voice.

"Didn't get much sleep, I asume." Declan said.

Fiona looked up at him irritated, mostly because she was tired.

"If you want, you can sleep in the bed with Holly J and I." Declan stated, trying to be helpful.

"That's the thing Decs," Fiona began sounding annoyed "I don't _want_ to sleep with you guys, like some five year old afraid of storms, ok, I _don't_, but I can't sleep if I'm alone!"

Declan stared at his sister, trying to come up with a reply, but he couldn't seem to think of one.

Fiona was rumageing through her dresser, noticWhereeing the silence she looked up.

"And, I've still got bruises all over me, and people _stare_, Declan everywhere I go people _look_ at me."

"Well Fi, there's nothing I can do about it, I'm sorry, I try to help but you get angry, _very_ easily." Declan replied, trying to sound calm, but getting a little frusterated.

"I know, Declan. I know, I'm an annoying little..." she struggled to find a word to describe herself "a..."

"Do _not_ pick on yourself like that, Fiona." Declan said, "At least you have a _reason_ to be moody. Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"Unless you're planning to stand over me until I do sleep, it'll be impossible."

Declan looked at his sister, "What exactly are you thinking when you try to go to sleep, Fi?"

"He isn't hideing in your room Fiona." Declan stated.

Fiona sighed, staring at her brother, who didn't have a clue.

"It's not just that, Decs. It's mostly the nightmares, they wake me up, and then I am skitish, seeing things, hearing things..."

"And if someone else is with you, you don't hear them?" Declan asked.

Fiona rolled her eyes at him "No, Declan, but if someone else is with me then I know that they're there to help."

There was a knock at the door, Fiona didn't look up from the drawer she was looking through.

"I'll get that." Declan said.

"Tell Holly J to." Fiona said, not wanting her brother to leave.  
"She's at the doctor's. Ellie's caught a cold, and after that she's visiting her mother, she's staying there for a few days, so Ellie won't get us sick, she says that you have enought to worry about." Declan replied, heading down the stairs.

Fiona rolled her eyes, before she heard Declan open the door and tell someone to come inside. "She's upstairs." Declan had said.

Fiona looked up from her dresser. She didn't want to see anyone. She cautiously went across the hall and into Declan's room, sneeking into his closet, and sat in the corner.

"Fiona?" she heard someone ask across the hall, it sounded like Logan.

Next, she heard Declan's voice, which sounded tierd and annoyed, "One second, I think I know where she might be."

Fiona saw the light to Declan's room switch on. The closet door opened and Declan rolled his eyes, "What are you doing, Fi?" he asked, as if she was a small child.

Fiona didn't reply, she got up and brushed herself off and stepped out of the closet, giving her brother 'the death look'.

"You can't hide from people, Fiona." Declan told her. She ignored him and stepped out of his room. Logan smiled at her.

"What do you want?" she asked, crossly.

Logan stopped smiling. "Are you ok, Fifi?" he asked.  
Fiona's heart skipped a beat. She clutched her stomach and ran into the bathroom, she slammed the door behind her.

Declan who was standing behind his sister, took a quick glance at Logan before following his sister.

He knocked on the bathroom door. "Fiona... are you ok in there?" she was throwing up.

"Fiona... can I come in?" Declan asked. Logan was now standing behind Declan, watching with curiosity.

Declan slowly opened the door and went inside, Fiona was throwing up in the toilet, not caring if her hair got in the way, Declan held her hair back for her, trying not to throw up himself when he saw that some of her hair already had vomit on it.

Fiona finally stopped and Declan handed her a towel. She looked up at him, her eyes sad, and she had been crying.

"Fi... I think you should take a shower, I'll uh..." Declan noticed his hands were covered in her vomit, he continued to stare at them. "Umm..." He forced himself to look away from his hands "I'll get you some clean clothes." He started to wash his hands.

Fiona stared at him for a few seconds before trying to get up, Declan noticed she was having trouble and helped her.

Declan left and closed to door so Fiona could get into the shower. He paid no attention at all to Logan as he made his way to Fiona's room to get her some clean clothes. Logan followed him, he kept saying things like, "What happened?" and "Can I help?" but Declan ignored him. Declan came out of Fiona's room with some of her clothes, he went into the bathroom, leaving them on the counter and coming back out with Fiona's dirty clothes. He walked downstairs and started a load of laundry. Logan followed Declan where ever he went, but stopped asking questions.

When Declan was done with the laundry he started on the dishes, then moved on to vaccuming, dusting, straightening the chairs, washing the windows... he kept moving on to things that didn't need cleaning.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked finally.

Declan sighed, finally facing the boy, he had tears in his eyes. "Trying to keep busy." he muttered, just as fast he turned back around and continued to straighten the paintings on the walls.

Seeing his sister like this killed him. It made him feel terrible, she was miserable, she couldn't even hear a nickname that that basterd had called her without throwing up, she was afraid to go to sleep for goodness sakes!

And this boy, the one that kept asking stupid questions, he was so dumb, and innocent, not knowing what he had done wrong...

Declan turned around again, facing Logan, "She won't want to see anyone when she gets out, it's best if you come back another time." his voice broke and trembled.

Logan nodded and left through the front door. When he was gone, Declan sat down on the couch and cried, he continued to do so for a few minutes, before getting up and walking up the stairs and knocking on the bathroom door. He heard the water shut of.

"Are you ok, Fi?" he asked, trying to mask that he had been crying.

Inside, Fiona didn't say anything, but she was crying.

"Fiona?" Declan asked cracking the door.

"Yes, Declan, I'm fine." Fiona managed to whisper, it wasn't convincing.

"I left some clothes on the counter, for you, is there anything else you need?" he asked her, still having trouble to hide that he had been crying.

"No." Fiona said, a little above a whisper, her voice was wobbly.

"Ok... Fi..." Declan said, taking a deep breath.

He heard the water turn back on and he walked into his room and sat down at his bed. His phone ringing startled him, he looked at the caller ID, Holly J.

He opened the phone, "Hello?" he asked.  
"Hey... what's up?" Holly J asked, noticeing he sounded glum.

"Not much, how's Ellie?"  
"Good... the doctor gave her some medicine but it's a pain to get her to take it." Holly J answered then added "I have a feeling I should ask you how you are, or rather how Fiona is."

Declan sighed, "If you think taking care of Ellie is bad, you should try being back here."

"Oh... I've got to go, Declan, Ellie's crying and..."

"Ok, Holly J, I'll see you later, I love you."

"Loveyoutoo." Holly J said quickly, before she hung up.

Declan sighed. He walked down the hall and stopped outside the bathroom. "Fiona... isn't the water cold by now?"

Inside the bathroom, Fiona stood under the water, which had run out of warm, it was cold now but she didn't care. Declan was talking to her, saying something, she couldn't hear over the water, she ignored him.

She scrubbed at her skin, adding more and more soap, the new bottle of soap was almost gone now. She always felt dirty now, she always smelled like him, always. She couldn't get him off, he was always _there_.

She heard Declan yell her name again, loudly. She turned the water off. She still felt him, smelled him. With frusteration, she swiped all of the bottles of soap off the shelf in the shower, the bottles fell to the ground and onto her feet.

"Fuck!" she screamed loudly, looking down at her toe, it was bleeding.

"Fiona, are you ok?" Declan asked in a worried voice.

"_Yes,_ Declan! Just leave me alone!" Fiona screamed, crying, not from pain, but of frustration.

Declan took a deep breath, "I'm not going to do that, Fiona." he said, and Fiona knew it was true.

She stepped out of the shower and dried off, putting on the clothes Declan had left for her.

She opened the door to find Declan sitting outside the door, his head in his hands.

When he heard her come out he got up and walked toward her.

She was shivering, and Declan saw this. "Fiona, did you use cold water?"

Fiona nodded silently.

"What was that crash?"  
Fiona shook her head, and Declan didn't push her any further.

"What do you want to do Fiona?" Declan asked.

Fiona didn't reply.

Declan took her by the hand and led her downstairs. Declan sat down on the couch and told Fiona to lay down beside him.

"Get some sleep." he told her, "You need it."

She stared up at him, "Declan," she said, "This _sucks_!"

Declan gave her a small smile, that was a great word to describe it.

"I know Fi." he told her, "I know."

Fiona stared up at him, "He c-called me what Bobby used to, I h-heard that and saw Bobby!"

Declan smoothed her hair.

"And then I threw up all over the place, all over _you_!" Fiona said, choking over her tears. She sat up and coughed, Declan patted her back.

"Fiona, don't be embarassed, you couldn't help that." Declan said.

Fiona layed back down, her head on Declan's lap, her crying had gotten softer, she stayed like that for a long time

"Thanks." she said, looking up at him.

He looked at her, "For what?" he asked, confused.

"For being here." she whispered.

Declan couldn't think of anything to say, so he held her hand as she fell asleep.


	28. Little Kid Shows

Fiona woke up, it was late, the clock read 3:12. Declan's arm was draped over her, he was sleeping sitting up. Both of her hands were clutching his.

Where was she? Not in her room, or Declan's. Her toe bumped the couch and it hurt really badly... did Bobby find her, and beat her again? Was she in a hospital? She blinked. She was in her living room, she realized.

She remembered everything from the night before. Just thinking about it made her stomach hurl. She let go of Declan's hand and covered her mouth with her hands.

Declan woke up.

"Fiona?" he asked, in a tierd voice.

Fiona hurried and got up, throwing up in the trash can that was in the kitchen. Declan followed her and held her hair back for her, before any vomit could reach it. After awhile she started dry heaving.

When she was done she sat down on the kitchen floor beside the trash can, not bothering to move away.

Declan got her a glass of water. "Here." he said, handing it to her. She took it and held it up for a few seconds before her fingers slipped and she dropped it on herself. She stared at it, and started crying.

Declan looked at her strangely.

"Hey... don't cry, it's alright, just go upstairs and change, I'll clean it up." he said, helping her up.

She walked up the stairs slowly, while Declan cleaned up the spilt water.

When Declan was finished he took out the trash, even though it was early in the morning. When he was back, he walked upstairs and saw Fiona sitting on her bed, still in wet clothes.

"Fi, you'll get sick if you don't change out of those clothes come on."

She didn't look up at him, her hands were clasped tightly together.

He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Fi... hey..." he said, trying to get her attention.

Startled she looked up at him.

"Change into different clothes, Fiona." he restated.

"Umm... Yes I will." she said.

Declan walked out of the room and waited for Fiona to come out.

When she did he had another cup of water.

He held it to her mouth and she took a drink.

"What happened?" he asked.  
"I changed my clothes." she answered, staring him in the eye, knowing that that wasn't what he was talking about.

"I was refering to the cup incident." he said.

"It was really heavy... all the sudden." Fiona stated.

"It's a plastic cup, Fiona!" Declan said.

"Everything is harder than it used to be." she cried.

Declan stared at his sister, "Fi, it's alright... just stay calm, you're fine."  
"_No_ Declan! No! It is _not_ fine, are you even listening to me?"  
"Yes, Fiona I am." Declan stated simply, "I'm just trying to help you!"

"Well stop, ok stop! I don't want your help all you do is feel sorry for me and it doesn't help, it makes it _worse_!"

"Fiona, I'm scared for you, ok, I just want to be sure you're ok" Declan said, raising his voice.

She stared at him, and he knew he had a right to be scared for her, but she hated people feeling sorry for her, she _hated_ it.

"Declan, I don't know what's happening! I'm always tierd, and everything, even _simple_ things are harder to do!"

Declan hugged his sister, "I'll figure something out Fi, and I'll help you, ok?"

Fiona nodded, she was crying again.

"I told Logan to come back another time last night, so he'll be back sometime." Declan told his sister.  
"If he's not _scared_ to come back." Fiona stated unhappily.

"I think you like him, Fiona." Declan said.

"I'm trying my hardest too... but for some reason I can't seem to trust him completly."

Declan rolled his eyes "For _some reason_, Fi? I think we both know why, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Declan walked into his room and turned on his computer, "I'll try to find help online, ok? You go to sleep."

As much as Fiona hated it when Declan tried to find information online, she was tierd so she layed down in his bed, falling asleep listening to typing and clicking sounds.

When Fiona woke up, Declan had a number of papers printed out. They were on the foot of the bed, and Declan was asleep beside her.

She sat up and looked at them. Signs of depression, causes of depression... Fiona sighed, she wasn't that bad, was she? She wasn't depressed. She picked up the papers, seeing "Loss of intrest in normal fun activities, Unable to do simple tasks, losing or gaining apitite..." the list went on and on. Under the "Causes of depression" someone, Declan probably, had highlighted "Abuse - Physical, Sexual," Fiona wadded the papers up and threw them to the ground. Why had Declan highlighted that? It wasn't as if she didn't already know what had happened to her. She was suddenly angry.

Was Declan rubbing it in her face? "You got hit, you got raped, look you're depressed!"

No, Declan wouldn't do that, he was just trying to help, just trying to help, she had to remember that.

She got up and walked downstairs, she saw how clean everything was. She haden't been cleaning, and Holly J wasn't here, so Declan must have been cleaning? That wasn't like Declan at all, he kept things clean but not sparkly perfect.

She turned on TV, the crime channel, about some man murdering his wife. Would Bobby had gone that far? He had a gun... Fiona quickly switched the channel. Next was a cartoon, it was a small child's show, something Ellie would watch. She watched it silently until Declan came in, he had his papers in his hands, which he had flattened the papers out.

"I see you've already read the..." Declan stopped, glancing at the TV "You're watching The Backyardigans?" he asked in amusment.

Fiona didn't look up from the television, "Since when have you become so familiar with childrens' shows?"

"Since I had a child." Declan stated.

Fiona looked up at him for a few seconds before looking back at the program. Declan sat down beside her.

"How long have you been up?" he asked.

"Since HigglyTown Heros was on." Fiona responded.

"Surely there's something better on." Declan told his sister.

Fiona simply shook her head and continued watching.

Declan left her on the couch while he went to make breakfast.

Fiona was getting some entertainment out of the show, which was now 'Max and Ruby'. She saw how easy everything was to solve on those shows.

"Who are they kidding?" she asked aloud.

Declan entered the room holding two plates with eggs and bacon on them.

"Who's who kidding?"

"Nothing is like that, they're tricking these kids!"

Declan stared at his sister, wanting to know where she was getting at.

Fiona continued to mumble some things, Declan couldn't understand some of it.

"...and Ruby's just a bitch." Fiona finished. They way she said it, you would think that she was talking about a real person, and not a cartoon rabbit that was suposed to be the equivlent of a small child.

Fiona had taken to cussing a lot lately. She barely ever used to before.

Declan almost laughed at the comment she had made about Ruby, but he decided it wasn't the time. Since he didn't understand most of the things she had said, or rather mumbled, he just nodded.

Fiona continued to talk about the cartoons, and the 'inner meanings' until Declan said "Your food's getting cold."

Fiona took a bite of egg, and then continued to talk.

Declan stopped her, "Fiona... I think you should talk about something else." Declan said.

"Decs, I'm _not _depressed." Fiona stated looking into his eyes.

"Ok... Fiona, I believe you, but there's something wrong, I can tell."

Fiona rolled her eyes, "It's been a year, so you know I'm over _all_ of it."

"What about yesterday, Fi?"

"Throwing up in front of your boyfriend isn't the funnest thing." Fiona replied.

"I thought you said you didn't want to have a boyfriend." Declan said, in a 'I've been paying attention, I remember' voice.

There was a knock on the door. And Fiona got up to answer it.

"Hello, Logan!" she said happily, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pushed him on the couch and sat on his stomach, kissing him.

"Fiona, hey stop it!" Logan said, sitting up and nudging her off of him.

She looked at him biting her lower lip. She stared at him for about 3 seconds before slapping him and running up to her room.

Declan watched in surprise. As Logan just sat there.

"I...I am _so _sorry... she's just..." Declan began, tripping over his words.

"...That's ok..." Logan said slowly. "She just needs time."

Logan sat up and touched his cheek. "She's a... tough one, isn't she?" he asked, more of a statement then a question.

Declan didn't respond.

"I should check on her." he stated.

"Ok... I'll be down here." he said, as Declan walked up the stairs.


	29. Don't Assume

"Fiona..." Declan said, knocking on Fiona's bedroom door.

She didn't answer.

"Fiona, I'm coming in..." Declan said. He waited a few seconds before entering her room.

She was in her closet throwing things around.

"Fiona what have you been looking for lately?" Declan asked, "You've been rumageing through your things a lot."

"A picture, Declan, I'm looking for a picture." Fiona stated.

"What one?" Declan asked.

Fiona didn't answer, she continued to look until she found a photo album. She looked through it, the first picture was of them in the hospital, when they were babies. One of them sitting together in the park when they were six, and a light brown haired girl sitting beside them.

"Who's that?" Declan asked.

"I remember that day." Fiona said, tracing the picture with her finger. "We were with Jasmine... remember?"

Declan looked over her shoulder and nodded, remembering the little girl from Hungary.

The next picture was on their seventh birthday. Fiona was frowning in the picture, because the next day they were moving, again.

They went on and on, sometimes one of them would say "I remember that." or "We looked so cute..."

Soon they reached to newer pictures of them now. There was one of Declan and Holly J, and then one of Fiona and Bobby. Fiona stared at that picture and slipped it out of the album.

"You look good in that one Fi." Declan said quietly. His sister looked elegant, her smile was big and her eyes shined with happiness, first date.

Fiona shook her head, staring into the man's eyes, the man that had done so many things wrong. That night, she remembered, she had been excited, estatic. He had his arm around her, the only time he was touching her and not hurting her at the same time. Declan took it from her and wripped it in two pieces. "There." he said, throwing the half with Bobby on it into the trashcan.

Fiona shook her head, "No, I don't want it, you take it."

Declan took the picture and suddenly remembered Logan.

"Why did you slap that boy?" he asked.

Fiona looked up from the photo album. "Instant reaction... I guess." she said at last, "I was angry."

"Fi, you have all the signs of depression, mood swings, weakness, loss of apetite..."

Fiona rolled her eyes at him, "Stop asuming things, Declan, ok, stop!"

"Alright, Fiona, I will." Declan said, he got up and left.

"Declan, where are you going?" Fiona asked, annoyed with him.

"I'm not asuming you want my help, and I'm not asuming you need it." he said, closing the door behind him.

"Declan..." Fiona began, getting up and following him.

Declan walked downstairs to Logan. "Don't asume anything with Fi, she hates that sort of thing." Declan said to Logan. Logan raised his eyebrows.

"Decs, just please..."  
Declan didn't let her finish, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down on the couch, sitting between him and Logan.

"Ok... you have to let me try to help you, Fiona, and Logan too, even if you only want him to be your friend." Declan said, glancing at Logan who stared at Fiona, in question.

"Declan!" Fiona said in a hushed voice.

"He needs to _know_ Fiona!" Declan insisted.

Fiona looked at Logan. "LoganIdon'twantaboyfriend." she said quickly, Logan almost couldn't understand her.

At first he was a little shocked, and then he smiled at her, "That's fine, Fiona, I don't need a girlfriend, a friend will do."

Fiona stared at him, she wasn't sure if she believed him or not, boys didn't want anything but sex, or to hurt you, that's what she had learned throughout the years.

"Umm... I think I'll make lunch..." was Fiona's shakey reply.

"That wasn't supposed to be awkward." Logan remarked.

Fiona didn't look at him as she headed off to the kitchen.

"You're welcome to stay for lunch." Fiona heard Declan tell Logan.

She slammed pots and pans onto the stove, opened and shut cabbinets loudly.

Logan came in, "I'm going to help make this if I'm going to eat it." he said.

"No, I insist, just go and relax." Fiona muttered, shooing him away with her hands.

"No, _I_ insist." Logan said, smiling at her.

"Just get out of the kitchen!" there was an edginess to her voice.

"Maybe you should get out of the kitchen and _relax_." Logan suggested, smirking.

"No, I don't want to relax, I want to cook!"

"Hey, me too!" Logan exclaimed his right hand over his heart.

Fiona stared at him, angry, before she relaxed her angry expression, but only a bit.

"Hey, me too!" she said, in the most annoying, girly voice she could. Then she said "That's what _you_ sound like!"

"It is, is it?" Logan asked, with a laugh. "GET! OUT! OF! THE! KITCHEN!" Logan yelled, in a screechy, pronouncing every sylabol voice, then he said "There's what _you_ sound like!"

Fiona smiled at him, wiping her hair away from her face, she felt happy, for the first time in a long time, genuinely happy. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him, she wanted to, it was a _real _kiss.

Logan looked at her, "I thought you didn't want to do this." his whisper was serious.

She studied him for a few minutes, before whispering back "Maybe I changed my mind."

He looked into her eyes, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you, if you don't want to be in one with me, I understand if you don't trust me... you've been through a lot."

She closed her eyes and fell back, and he caught her. "Seems trustworthy..." she said, looking up at him.

He down at her.

"Just one thing though..." she began, standing up and facing Logan.

"And that would be?"

"I...uh, well Declan says that... I well..."

Logan stared at her, waiting for her to finish.

"I have issues, for real, if I act crazy... it's just me." Fiona said, staring into his eyes, biting her lower lip.

"Ok? That it?" Logan asked, as if having crazy fits for no reason, not being able to sleep and having outbursts.

"That's it." Fiona said, smiling at him.

That night Fiona sat on the couch while Declan watched the television. She didn't exactly like kiss, it reminded her of Bobby, everytime someone _touched_ her, it reminded her of Bobby's rough hands. But she liked Logan, he was nice and he treated her like a real person. The only other person who teased her like he did was Declan. 


	30. What Do You Say?

Fiona looked up at Declan, "Me and Logan are back together." she said softly.

Declan looked up at her, "Are you?" he asked with amusement. "Did it have anything to do with the extremley loud laugh fest in the kitchen?"

Fiona smiled at her brother, but her smile quickly faded. "I'm worried that he won't want to be with me. I kissed him, but anytime anyone touches me, it reminds me of Bobby..."

"Well, if he's like that, then he doesn't deserve my beautiful sister." Declan replied.

Fiona laughed quietly.

"But I don't know!" she exclaimed suddenly.

"Don't know what?" Declan asked.

"If I want a boyfriend or not!" Fiona stated.

"Well, why don't you just try it. He's a really nice guy and he understands everything you went through..."

"I just want to forget it all..." Fiona said in a quiet voice.

Declan put his arm around his sister, "I know you do, Fi." he said "I know you do."

"He's not even here and he's still hurting me!" Fiona yelled "And no matter what I do I can't get away."

When she said things like that, it made Declan hurt inside.

"Fiona, you'll start to feel better as the time goes by, I know you will, you're strong." he struggled to say.

Fiona looked up at him, his words were barely comforting.

"When's Holly J and Ellie coming back?" Fiona asked, changing the subject.

"Tomarow, actually." Declan said, just now remembering.

Fiona smiled, she'd get to talk to Holly J about all this.

The next day Holly J arived with Ellie in the backseat. "She's just getting over it, but it'll be fine." Holly J said, lifting the almost one year old out of the car. Declan ran over and picked her up, talking about how much he missed her.

"I'm glad she won't be sick on her birthday than..." Fiona remarked.

"Yeah," Holly J said, nodding her head, "I was hoping she'd get over it fast, and what do you know? She did!" she ducked back in the car and took out some of Ellie's toys, and clothes.

"Holly J... can I talk to you?" Fiona asked.

"Sure." Holly J replied, glancing at her and continueing to dig Ellie's things out of the car.

"You know Logan?" Fiona asked quietly.

Holly J looked up at her, "And where is this going, Fiona?" she asked, with a playful smile.

"He likes me, and I like him... but everytime her even _touches_ me, like on the arm or anything it reminds me of Bobby."

Holly J was silent for a second, "Well, it _isn't_ Bobby..." she said.

Fiona sighed, was that suposed to help? She knew it wasn't Bobby, she wasn't stupid, it just brought back memories.

"Look Fiona, time heals everything, so sooner or later, it'll all be better." Holly J said, taking Fiona by the hand.

Fiona pulled away, if only she had a dollar for everytime someone told her _that._

Fiona saw Ellie and ran over to her, tickling her, Ellie laughed.

"Hey El! High five!" she said.

Ellie lifted her hand and slapped Fiona's, something Fiona had taught her to do weeks ago.

"Whatcha want for your birthday, huh?" Fiona asked.

Ellie's respond was a loud laugh.

Holly J smiled at them as she walked by and into the house. Fiona held Ellie's hand and helped her up the stairs to the house, she was getting pretty good at walking now.

Declan was in the other room talking to Holly J, about Fiona.

Holly J glanced at Fiona who was rolling around on the floor with Ellie who was shreiking and throwing stuffed animals at her.

"She seems happy enough." Holly J stated.

"All that boy, Logan, had to do was call her 'Fifi' what Bobby used to call her and she threw up." Declan insisted.

Holly J looked at Fiona again, she still seemed happy, but she had a lot going on and she'd fooled them before.

"Well... we can't do anything about it, if you haven't noticed yet."

"What do you mean?" Declan asked, edginess on his voice.

"She has to heal at her own pace, Declan." Holly J replied.

"She isn't _healing_ at all!" Declan remarked.

"She's stopped hearing voices, _that's_ something!" Holly J insisted.

"But... she's completley lost!" Declan stopped when he saw Fiona standing by them, watching. She aparentally had been giving Ellie a piggyback ride.

She was staring at them, her face looked hurt. She put Ellie down and walked up to her bedroom.

"Nice going Declan." Holly J said, before heading upstairs to Fiona's room.

Declan sighed, he haden't meant it like that, he'd meant anything but what Fiona had thought he meant.

"Fiona... you know that Declan didn't mean it like that, he loves you, so much, he's just trying to help." Holly J told Fiona, who was sitting in her bedroom, looking through pictures again.

"It used to be so simple..." she whispered.

"Is that you guys?" Holly J asked smileing at a picture of two eight year olds.

"Yeah... that's me and Decs... before girlfriends and boyfriends... I'm so stupid."

"No you aren't, Fiona, that guy took advantage of you, what he did was _not_ ok. You need to realize that"  
"You know, Holly J, you're really nice, I don't know what Anya was talking about... when she said how mean you were."

Holly J gave a little chuckle.  
"Can I, uh, can I take Ellie to the park?" Fiona asked.

"Well, it's a bit warmer now, I guess."

Fiona smiled, the park, filled with laughter, smiles, she loved it.

She took Ellie with her to the park, slid down the slides with her and laughed, she was having a good time... until she saw someone, he looked a lot like Bobby. _'But he's not Bobby.'_ she told herself, and she slid down the slide with Ellie.

"Hey, Fiona!"

Fiona's heart skipped a beat, she turned around quickly, "Logan..." she said, her hand on her chest, "I... I thought you where someone else." she laughed a little.

"Whatcha doing with the Ellinator?" he asked smileing at Ellie.

"Stress at home... Ellie's the only one who won't tell me 'Everything'll be great!' so..."

Logan's smile faded. "I know how hard this is for you, Fiona, but it's really the only thing they _can_ say."

Fiona looked up at him, she was getting used to people saying 'We're just trying to help'

"I mean, what would you think if they said 'Yeah, it won't get better, and it's completely fucked'" Logan continued.

Fiona looked at him, was he joking? No he was being serious, and he expected an answer.  
"It wouldn't be ... reassureing..." Fiona answered.

"That's why nobody says it, it's an impossible thing... Fiona, see, if they say that it sucks it isn't helpful but if they act like it's perfect it's a lie." Logan explained.

Fiona stared at him, he was right.

"Declan says it sucks sometimes... he's the closest to understanding then anyone." Fiona said, she wondered if Logan understood more than Declan did.

Logan loved Fiona so much. From the second he saw her, he thought 'She looks like she's trying to be snobby, interesting' so he aproached her and they started hanging out. What scared him the most was Declan, always creeping around watching them. Did Declan honestly think that Logan would hurt Fiona? Maybe. They started hanging out, and he knew that she was not only beautiful, but she was kind, in a clever way. She didn't trust him and at first, he didn't know why. That night he thought she might have liked him more then she actually did. So he kissed her, and when she didn't respond he kissed her again and she started violently crying. He was so confused. If she didn't like it, why didn't she tell him.

She had told him everything. It made him angrier then he had ever been before. Someone hurting this beautiful girl? Someone looking into her pleading eyes and hitting her? And then _raping_ her? How? He had saw a picture of this man, crumpled in her room when he was there. He was so much bigger then her, he was capable of hurting her so badly, probably even breaking her bones with one hand. She was fragile, emotionally and physically, and Logan made a note in his mind to remember that.


	31. What Made You Say That?

Fiona was walking home from the park, carrying Ellie. She was talking to Logan.

"So my house at 7?" Fiona had asked Logan.

"Well, we sure wouldn't want to go to my house."

"No... I didn't mean it like that..." Fiona protested.

"I'd rather be at your place, Fifi." Logan said, he haden't realized that that was the cause of her vomiting a few nights ago.

Fiona stopped walking, staring ahead, she was biting her lower lip.

"You alright, Fiona?" Logan asked.

"Please don't call me that..." Fiona whispered.

"What? It's your name!"

"Don't call me..." Fiona stopped "Fifi... it's something he'd call me."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Logan said, looking at Fiona.

"It's uh... it's ok." Fiona replied.

Logan smiled at Fiona and leaned in for a kiss. Fiona didn't kiss back though, and Logan noticed so he cut the kiss short.

"No, no... it's fine, you can kiss me whenever you want... but I probably just associate it with _him_, but later, I'll associate it with you... it'll get worse before it gets better." Fiona insisted.

Logan shook his head, "I don't want to do something that reminds you of that basterd."

"But I have to do it someday, everyone does it eventually!" Fiona insisted. She realized that this was the exact same thing Bobby had told her, he was talking about sex though.

"_You_ don't have to do it eventually, and _I_ don't have to do it eventually." Logan insisted, then added "I could care less whether we kiss or not."

Fiona sighed "The truth is, Logan, that anytime someone _touches_ me, it reminds me of him, ok, so I'm screwed either way."

Logan hated that, the one time he found a girl he really wanted, she was miserable, he'd do anything to make her happy, he would.

"We don't have to touch either then." he said.

Fiona looked up at him, he couldn't be human, could he? All males wanted sex, and that was it, at least kissing, at least _touching_.

"No... it's fine, it just reminds me of him a little, like when I'm asleep and Declan sits by my bed or sleeps with me... that helps me."

"You sleep with your brother?" Logan asked.

"I have nightmares if I don't, nightmares about_ him_." Fiona said, thinking that she sounded childish.

They reached Fiona's house, "You know what, just come in now." Fiona said, noticeing how tierd Logan looked.

Fiona got in and put Ellie down on the floor.

"Declan, Holly J, we're home!" she yelled.

No one answered. She walked around the whole house. "Where are they? Do you see them? Oh _christ!_" she asked, taking deep breaths and running though the whole house.

"Declan, where are you? Help!" she continued screaming until Logan grabbed her arm, not harshly, but softly.

"_Let go of me!_" Fiona yelled, yanking away from his grasp, now crying and running up the stairs.

"Fiona, wait!" Logan yelled following her up the stairs.

Logan touched her shoulder and Fiona stopped moving. Stairs, when Bobby had chased her up the stairs, he'd also pushed her down them.

"They left a note." Logan told her.

'_Hey, Fi, Holly J's sister got in a car accident, so we're going to stay at a hotel in Ontario for a few days, but Heather's going to be fine, if you need anything, call my cell. _

_Love, Declan.'_

"God Damn it!" Fiona yelled.

Logan stood beside her, not saying anything.

She sat down on the steps and started crying, her head in her hands.

Logan sat down beside her, "Why all the worry? He said her sister would be fine." Logan said.

"I don't give a damn about Heather!" Fiona yelled.

Ellie came into the room holding a small stuffed duck, "Mamana" she said, it was her form of "Mama."

Fiona pulled her hair out of her face, "No, Ellie, your mommy isn't here right now." she said, getting up from the stairs and picking up Ellie.

"I think it's time for your nap." her voice was still shakey.

"I'll put her to bed..." Logan said.

Fiona stared at him, "I _can't_ do this anymore!" she said, putting Ellie down.

"Can't do what?" Logan asked, picking Ellie up.

"_Everything!_ I want _Declan!_"

"Well, Declan isn't here right now, so you'll have to do without him."

Logan took Ellie upstairs and opened a few doors before he found the nursery. He set her in the crib and she almost immediantally fell asleep.

Fiona was sitting on the couch watching Miss Spider's Sunny Patch, but she was crying, and talking to herself. Logan stood behind her watching her.

"But _he_ isn't like that!"

"But he isn't."

"Just leave me alone!"

"Fiona?" Logan asked, confused at what she was doing.

"They're back!" Fiona yellled.

"What's back?"  
"Nothing!"

Logan sat down beside her. Fiona's phone rang and she ran to pick it up, asuming it was Declan.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Fifi, I've missed you, thought I should call."

Fiona froze.

"Fiona, what I did wasn't that bad... just relationship problems, I miss you, I want to visit you..."

Fiona looked around the room, until her eyes rested on a few bottles of whisky. She didn't stop to think. She drank a few of them then turned back to her phone.

"Ok, Bobby, what were we saying?"

"I miss you Fiona, I want to visit you."  
"You... are a funny little..." Fiona stopped and laughed "Basterd! You are such a prick!"

"Fifi?"

"Don't call me that."  
"When can I visit you?"  
"You can visit me now, and I'll put a bullet in your... in that head!"

"I want to visit Fifi, what's your adress."

"I wouldn't tell you that I live in..." Fiona began.

"Who are you talking to?" Logan asked entering the room.

"I'm talking to Bobby." Fiona giggled, "The prick who _beat_ the fuck out of me, and who _raped_ me!"

"Have you been drinking?" Logan asked, surprised.

"Just a little bit." Fiona said, holding her pointer finger and her thumb a centimeter apart, indicating 'a little bit'.

"There's four empty bottles on the floor, Fiona." Logan insisted, he tried to take the phone from her.

"No, give me the phone!" Fiona screamed.

"You're drunk, Fiona you could tell him where you are and he could find you!" Logan insisted.  
"It's _my_ phone!" Fiona screamed.

"You shouldn't be talking to him, Fiona." Logan replied.

"I live in Canada!" Fiona screamed into the phone, then hung up. She smiled at Logan, "Ha, there!" she said, her hands on her hips.

"Oh Fiona..." whispered Logan.


	32. She's a Concrete Angel

**-This chapter is taking place when Fiona was still with Bobby for the first time.-**

"Your house is beautiful." Fiona told Bobby.

Bobby smiled at her and kissed her.

Fiona pulled away, "Not... not now Bobby." she laughed.

"Fiona come back." he stated, his voice tense.

Fiona stopped for a short few seconds. No, he couldn't tell her what to do.

Bobby chased after her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward him.

"Ow... Bobby, that _hurt_!"

Bobby didn't say anything, he let go of her wrist and looked down at her. He pushed her onto the couch and switched on the television.

Fiona followed his orders, trying to dismiss what he had just done, she rolled up her sleeve and looked down at her arm, it was red and had indentions where his fingernails had dug into it.

"Bobby... I think I'll just go home now..." Fiona said, getting up from the couch.

Bobby got up too and pushed her back down and got ontop of her.

"What are you doing?" Fiona yelled.

Bobby pinned her down by her shoulders, kissing her.

"Get _off_ of me!"

He looked at her, angrily, "You should listen to me." he growled.

"Bobby you're _hurting _me!" she said, holding back tears.

He leaned down and kissed her. She slapped him, and he punched her back.

She stared at him in disbelief. "Get off of me _now_!" she said, her voice loud.

"Oh, Fifi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I think I got a little carried away." Bobby insisted as he got off of Fiona.

Fiona got up and gathered her things, and went off the door.

When she got home she stared at herself in the mirror. Black eye...

"Fiona!" she heard Declan yell "Are you home?"

She hurried and coated her face in makeup.

"I'm here, Declan." Fiona said.

Declan walked up behind her.

"How was your date with Bobby?" he asked.

Fiona didn't turn around, "It was great." she said.

"Fiona, I can see that you're frowning, I can see you in the mirror. What did he do?"

Fiona turned around, smiling "Nothing, he just had to cut it off early and I was disapointed."

"Oh... well next time it'll be better, he's your first real boyfriend you know."

Fiona nodded, smiling at her brother, she was going to be a professional fake smiler. As soon as he left she looked at herself in the mirror. How could Declan have not noticed that she had been crying?


	33. Tattle Tale

"Fiona, go to sleep, on the couch ok." Logan said, not knowing what he was going to tell Declan about Fiona's special phone call to Bobby.

"I'll go to sleep, with you, in the same bed, _naked_!" Fiona laughed.

"No, Fiona, go to sleep now, I have to stay awake, to take care of Ellie." Logan insisted, trying to sound calm.

Fiona looked at him and smiled. He grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. "Go to sleep." he told her.

She layed down on the couch. "But I'm not sleepy." she insisted.

"Fiona, I'll... later I'll... just go to sleep, alright?"

He had to stand by her for a long time before she finally fell asleep.

He found Fiona's phone and scrolled through the contacts list until he found 'Declan'. He pressed 'send'.

"Hello." Holly J said on the other end of the phone.

"Hi, it's Logan, can I talk to Declan?" Logan's strained voice began.

"What is it?" Holly J asked.

"Fiona was drinking, I don't know when exactly she started or where exactly she got it but she did, and that prick of a man called her and she told him where she was."

"Like, what do you mean _where_?" Holly J asked, sounding worried.

"Like her exact words were 'I live in Canada.'"  
"Why did you let her do that?" Holly J asked angrily into the phone.

"I tried to make her stop, but she wouldn't give me the phone, Holly!"  
"It's Holly _J_," Holly J responded in an annoyed voice, "Here's Declan."  
"Declan?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, Logan? Did something happen to Fiona?" Declan was worried, and Logan could tell.

"She told Bobby that she's in Canada." Logan stated.

Declan took a deep breath. "But he doesn't know _where _in Canada, though... right so it's fine." Declan sounded like he was trying to make himself feel better, rather then saying something he honestly believed.

"He might not... but if she told him that she used to go to Degrassi..."

Declan sighed.  
"Why would she do that? Fi's not stupid!"

"She was _drunk_, actually _very_ drunk."

"You let her get drunk?" Declan asked, sounding very angry. Logan had been trying to keep his cool, but Declan was acusing him, as if he didn't care about Fiona's wellness.

"_You_ let her take ecstasy!" Logan answered.

"Ok... I'm sorry. I can't get back there until Tuesday, will you stay there, and help her with Ellie, and herself... please?" Declan pleaded.  
"Of course." Logan replied.

"Ok... tell her... tell her I love her ok?" Declan asked before he hung up.  
"I think she already knows." Logan replied, closing the phone.

It wasn't until that night, that Logan learned the real horrors of Fiona's nightmares. It wasn't just she woke up, scared and went back to sleep, which was what Logan thought it would be.  
She slept for a long time, at first she just woke up, and felt her head "Oh my _god..._" she said.

"That's called a hangover." Logan said, "Have some water."

Fiona gladly took the water and drank it. She went back to sleep.

Logan was walking through the house, not snooping as much as 'observing'.

He heard Fiona crying and he walked into the next room, Fiona was on the couch, she was whispering things under her breath. Logan didn't know whether to wake her or let her sleep. He thought it must be a terrible nightmare if she was crying, and he thought that if he was that scared he'd want someone to take him out of a dream.

He shook her awake and when she woke up she was digging her fingernails from both hands into the arm that he used to wake her. It hurt too, but he didn't do anything about it.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, she was still crying, and it looked to Logan as if she was half asleep.

He picked her up and carried her up the stairs, she still had her arms around his neck, she was still crying and she had gone back to sleep. He went into her room and layed her down in her bed, covered her up with the blankets. He left her in her room and went into the bathroom, seeing the mirror that Fiona's fingernails had dug deep into his skin, leaving marks, some marks were bleeding.

He went and checked on Ellie, seeing that she was still fast asleep, he walked back into Fiona's room and layed down beside her. Now he knew why Declan always acted angry, sad, tierd... what he was doing that day when Fiona was throwing up, it wasn't a 'one-time' thing it was a everyday someone I care about is miserable, and sad.

Her crying had softened now. Logan realized that this was what Declan had to do everynight. He didn't know when he fell asleep, but he did.

He woke up amazed that his back wasn't acheing from a springy matress. When he looked around for a clock he saw that it was 3:54. Fiona was crying so hard he whole body was shakeing.

Logan woke her up again, her eyes still closed, and sensing that someone was by her she curled up next to him and he put his arm around her, falling back to sleep almost instantly.

The next day, it was eight AM, Logan woke up before Fiona, hearing Ellie crying. He surfed the fridge until he found some cereal and gave it to Ellie, who dumped it on the floor. Logan mopped up the milk and gave her a banana, which she ate.

Fiona came down the stairs and saw Logan.

"What are you doing here?" she asked a tint of worrysome in her voice.

"Declan told me to stay with you." Logan said, still trying to feed Ellie.

"You talked to Declan?"

"Yeah, he says to tell you that he loves you, by the way." Logan replied, glancing up at Fiona, who was the reason that he haden't slept almost all night.

"Why did you call Declan?"

"Do you remember last night?" Logan asked, Fiona, seeing that she was completly clueless.

"No..."

"You told Bobby that you were in Canada, he called, you told him."

Fiona looked at Logan, with a look that said 'That joke isn't funny' but she quickly realized it wasn't a joke, her facial expression turned to fear.  
"But don't worry, I won't let him in the house, I won't let him hurt you." Logan said, switching on the television that was already switched to a children's channel, and putting Ellie down on the ground with some toys.

"What happened to your arm?" Fiona asked.

"It... um, last night you had a nightmare and I woke you up and you grabbed my arm, no big deal, it isn't as bad is it looks." Logan responded even though it seriously _did_ hurt.

"I'm sorry." Fiona said.

"It's fine..."

"So you won't let him hurt me?" Fiona asked in a shakey voice.

"Of course not, Fiona." Logan said, looking down at her.

Fiona smiled up at him, but soon her smile disapeared. "I want to talk to Declan." she said in a small voice.

"Well, you can call him." Logan suggested.

Fiona nodded and looked for her cell phone, Logan smiled at her as she walked away.


	34. Life, Brought to You by Mattel

Fiona was sitting on the couch, watching Sesame Street with Ellie, it was getting late, so Ellie was wore out. Logan was trying to keep intrest in the show that Fiona had picked, he wondered why in the world she'd want to watch this.

Suddenly her eyes shifted from the television to the window.

"Do you see something, Fiona?" Logan asked, reaching for her hand because she looked very scared.

She blinked a few times, before shaking her head, "No." she said, but she didn't stop looking at the window.

"Are you sure? Maybe I should go out and see." Logan suggested, almost hoping she'd say 'No, don't'

Logan was lucky because Fiona just shook her head no.

"Ok, tell me if you change your mind." Logan said, he hoped she wouldn't change her mind.

Fiona nodded at him. She was starting to feel more comfortable around him, she was starting to _trust _him, but she cursed herself for it everytime she thought about it. That was what got her in this in the beginning, it's what always got her in trouble. Riley was using her like one of his shiney _kissing trophies_ and the second there were rumors about him, he turned into a creepy makeout machine, and Fiona didn't like that.

She took a wild swing when she decided to trust Bobby, and it was a huge mistake, and she was afraid trusting Logan would be the same, at the same time, when she had woke up in her bed with Logan sleeping beside her she had the chills and she was scared and she knew he'd protect her with his life. Or at least she thought he would. Her mind was contridicting itself.

She stared out the window, she could have swore she saw Bobby, but she thought that a lot, so it was probably nothing... she couldn't help but feeling a bit scared.

"Ellie's getting tierd. We should tuck her in." Logan said.

"I don't want to." Fiona said.

"Ok I will." Logan replied. When he got up Fiona followed him.

"I thought you didn't feel like getting up." Logan said, he knew that she had followed him so she wouldn't be alone.

Fiona rolled her eyes at him.

Ellie fell asleep quickly and Fiona followed Logan everywhere he went.

They watched the television for a small while longer before Fiona yawned and layed down on the couch. Logan waited until she was asleep to switch the channel on the television.

She had outbursts of crying fits, sometimes they were soft cries and sometimes ones that made her whole body shake, there were so many of them that Logan decided not to wake her up each time, he found that if he just did something to indicate that he was there, like rub her arms or brush the hair away from her face that she would usually stop crying, or at least cry softer.

She was sleeping peacefully when she screamed "Get off of me!", woke up and sat up. She was breathing deeply, and her eyes were wide. She hugged herself and pulled her legs up closer to the rest of her body.

"What ever it was, it was a dream...only a dream." Logan said, wrapping his arm around her. She looked up at him and started crying.

"Fiona... don't cry, he's _not_ here." Logan said.

She was still hugging herself and crying so hard she was shaking.  
"He can't hurt you anymore, Fiona, and if he comes over here, then it'll be the worst mistake he's ever made." Logan insisted.

Fiona leaned against his chest. She saw that it was 2:21 AM. "D-do you think D-Declan would be mad if I called him?" Fiona asked.

Logan thought that Declan might be a little annoyed but he shook his head, "No... he wouldn't, he's your brother." Logan replied. "I'll get your phone."

He brought it back and Fiona called Declan.

"Hi Decs..."  
"No, he didn't, of course he didn't."

"I just wanted to hear you."

Logan was listening to Fiona talk, after awhile they told each other that they loved each other and Fiona hung up.

"Are you ok now?" Logan asked.

"I'll never be _ok_, Logan." Fiona stated, staring into space.

"We can try to make the best out of what happens, though." he said quietly.  
"But I can't make it _stop _I just keep playing it in my mind over and over and I can't make it stop!" she insisted.

"Well you were delt a bullshit hand." Logan said.

"What?" Fiona asked, looking up at him.

"When none of my parents are around, I pretend it's a game, like a card game maybe, or Monopoly."

"How does that help?" Fiona asked, hardly gaining intrest.

"When something bad happens, I say that I got delt a bad hand."

Fiona looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "Getting raped isn't like landing on someone else's boardwalk!" she insisted.

Logan was silent, he didn't know what to say, he knew she hated it when they told her it was ok... but he didn't know what else to say.  
"Come here." He said putting his arm around her.

It reminded Fiona of one day when she was sick. They were at home with their mother and supposed to be going to school but Fiona had felt sick, she was about nine years old.

"You have to go to school, dear, I have to go to a meeting with your father." her mother had said.

"But I feel terrible." she'd insisted.

"I can't leave you home alone."

Declan had been watching from the other room, he was already dressed but he said, "Mom, I feel sick too, I think I caught it."

Their mother was going to be late so she dismissed it with a wave of her hand and walked out the door.

Declan had sat down beside his sister, they had to basically take care of each other since their parents were too busy.

"What are your symptoms?" he had asked.

"My head and my stomach hurts, and I feel like I'm gonna die." she had answered.

Declan had searched through the medicine cabbinet, finding the right kind of medicine and persuading Fiona to take some.

Then he had pointed a fan at her and sat down beside her turning on "Arthur" and he watched it with her until she fell asleep and when she woke up, he was still there, right beside her.

It had been a while since someone would waste their whole day just sitting with her so she'd be happy.

'I love you' she thought in her head. She didn't dare say it out loud, that's how Bobby knew he could control her, so she kept quiet.

"Goodnight, Fiona." Logan said, trying to get comfortable sitting up.

"I _love_ you." she whispered.

Logan stared down at her with surprise.

"I love you too." he whispered back.

Fiona closed her eyes and fell asleep.

She woke up pushing Logan's arms off of her and crying so hard she was shaking. She'd had a dream that Bobby was with her.

Logan woke up and saw her pushing his arms away so he moved them.

"L-Logan?"  
"Yes?"  
"Nothing..."  
"Ok, Fiona." Logan replied.

Fiona wrapped her arms around his waist and they both went back to sleep.


	35. Familiar Face

Logan hated her nightmares. Not only because they woke him up, but because they made her scared and sad.

He woke up hearing her phone ring. He answered it and it was Declan.

"Hey Logan, can I talk to Fi?"

"She's asleep right now..." Logan replied.

"Oh... ok, well I'm coming home tomarow, so if you could tell her that..." Declan began, sounding very glum.

"Yeah... uh, I will."  
"Has she not been letting you sleep?" Declan asked.

"She's having god awful nightmares, but they're no problem."

The other line was silent, except for hospital noises.

"How's Heather?" Logan asked.

"She's fine, she has a broken collar bone and leg, she's not the funnest person to be around though."

"Oh... well that's good, that she's fine I mean..." Logan said, hearing Fiona moving around on the couch in the other room, probably having a nightmare, even though it was almost eight AM now.

"I should go check on Fiona." Logan stated.  
"Ok... tell her I love her."  
"Ok. Bye."

"Bye."

Logan closed the phone and walked over to Fiona who was tossing and turning, but not crying.

Ellie was playing with some mirror things that Declan had bought for her.

Fiona woke up to see Logan staring at her. "Declan says he loves you." Logan said, which he said everytime after Declan called.

"You scared me." she said.

He sat down beside her, "Sorry, Fiona, I didn't mean to."

She looked around the house as if she didn't know where she was.

"Are you hungry?" Logan asked her.  
She shook her head.  
"I haven't seen you eat since I came here." Logan remarked.  
"I haven't seen you eat either." Fiona replied.  
"Yeah, but I'm used to it." Logan said plainly.

Fiona stared at him, she didn't really think about that, how his parents, or parent was never home, and his mother seemed as if she didn't have a job... how _did_ Logan eat? It was a rude thing to ask so she kept quiet, she realized that she wasn't the only one with problems.

"How do you do it then, Logan?" she asked quietly.

"Do what?"  
"Stay strong?"  
"About what?" Logan asked.  
"About... you know..." Fiona answered, feeling rude.

Logan looked at her for a few seconds before simply shaking his head and saying "Declan's coming home tomarow."

Fiona let the matter drop, "I'll make some food then." she said.

Logan got up with her, "I'll help."

They ended up making mashed potatos, chicken and corn.

Logan ate it like he was starving, Fiona thought, but maybe he was.

"You can stay here anytime..." Fiona said.

Logan looked up from his plate, but didn't say anything.  
There was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Fiona said, seeing Logan was still eating.

She walked to the door and opened it, expecting a package or something stupid that Holly J or Declan had ordered.

But it wasn't.

Fiona tried to close the door but Bobby's hand stopped it from closeing.

"Fifi, I missed you so much." Bobby said placing his hand on her shoulder. Her body was shaking uncontrolably.

"Fiona, who is it?" Logan asked from the other room.

"You have company?" Bobby asked, pushing past her and into the house.

Fiona didn't want Logan to know that Bobby was here, no, she didn't, so she said "No one." and followed Bobby into the living room.

"Get out." she said sternly.

"Why'd you tell me you were here if you didn't want any visitors?" Bobby asked.

"Why would you think that I wanted the man who..." her voice broke "The man who beat me and... just get out!" she said.

"No, Fifi, I'm not going to do that." Bobby said, grabbing her wrist.

"Bobby, we broke up, get away." she whispered trying not to let Logan hear.

"We didn't break up Fifi." Bobby said.  
"Well I'm breaking up with you now." Fiona said, trying to stay strong.

"No, I don't think you are." Bobby said.  
"Bobby I hate you!" she said.

He slapped her, it was familiar, but something she haden't felt for a long time -except for in her dreams, nightmares.

She shreiked out of pain. And Logan rushed in.

"Fiona what..." Logan stopped. That man was familiar, the one in the picture of Fiona, the one that was so much bigger then her he could hurt her easily and badly, the one that he wanted to kill so badly for making the perfect, beautiful girl in front of him feel so much pain.

He slowly walked over, fists closed tightly together, he punched Bobby in the face, very hard.

Bobby stared at Logan, his mouth open, it was bleeding.

"I'll just have to come back when Fifi is alone." he said, getting up. When he passed Fiona he stopped and stared at her for a few seconds, Logan had his hand on her shoulder, he could feel how scared she was.

"Go!" Logan growled.

Bobby stared at Logan and with one swift move reached out, trying to slap Fiona again but Logan caught his hand before it reached her, and Bobby went out the way he came in.


	36. Smile

Logan watched Bobby out the window until he was out of sight, then he went back over to Fiona. When she saw him she burst into tears. She got off the couch and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso. He wrapped his arms around her.

"You're alright." He whispered, "You're ok."  
She was shaking, crying, choking over her own tears.

Logan knew what kind of man Bobby was now. He was the wimpy kind who chose not to get in fights but tried to make himself look tougher by beating up Fiona, someone who was so much smaller then him there was no way she could fight him off, no possible way.

"Just sit down, Fiona, ok? You're fine, he isn't here anymore." he told her.

"No..." she choked out, "H-he knows where I am!"

Logan looked down at her. "That doesn't mean anything, he'd be stupid do come back over here."

She stayed with her arms around around him for a long time. Finally she pushed away from him, stabalizing herself.

"You ok now?" he asked her.

"Yeah... I think." she replied, staring into space. "I'm going to take a shower." she added.

"Ok, Fiona." Logan told her as she walked up the stairs.

He found Fiona's phone and called Declan and told him that Bobby came and he had never heard someone so angry.

"Is she ok now?" Declan asked in a rushed voice.

"Yes, she is, she's fine now, taking a shower."

"Make sure she gets out of there within 30 minutes, the water gets cold after a while and lately she's been staying in there even when the water's freezing, and she'll get sick." Declan said.

"Alright, well, I just thought you should know."  
"Did he hit her?" Declan asked.

It took awhile for Logan to realize that Declan was talking about Bobby.

"Umm, he tried to, twice, but once I stopped him." Logan said, sensing that Declan was just as angry as he was.

Declan took a deep breath.

"How's Ellie?"  
"Great, she's a sweetie."  
"Ok... I'll let you go. Tell Fiona..."

Logan finished for him "That you love her?"

Declan laughed a little "Yeah." he answered.

"I'll be sure to."

"Ok bye."  
"G'bye, and Fiona can make some mean mashed potatos."

Declan laughed and the line went dead.

Logan walked upstairs and knocked on the door of the bathroom.

"Fiona, hey, are you almost done?" he asked.

The water turned off, "What?" Fiona asked.

"Are you almost done?" he repeated "Declan says to get you out by 30 minutes."  
"Declan doesn't know everything." Fiona stated.

"I don't want you to get sick."

He heard the shower door open and close and Fiona came out wrapped in a towel. She looked at him, angrily.

"You've been crying."  
"That's the water." she stated.

"Oh." Logan said, knowing that it wasn't water, he noticed that her eyes were red.

She walked to her room and got dressed and came back out.

Logan was waiting for her outside the door, he didn't notice that she'd come out.

"Tell me a story." she said.

He looked down at her, thinking she was just rambling, but she was staring straight into his eyes.

"What...What kind of story?" he asked.

She thought for a moment then said "One about you."

"Ok... Well I was born when my mother was nineteen. My full name is Logan Quinn Martin.

One day my father died in a car accident, my mother and I only have scars and afterwards she took up on bar parties... happened when I was about ten."

Logan stopped.

"Is that the end, where's the happy part?" Fiona asked.

"One day, he met a girl named Fiona, and she was beautiful, and nice, even though her life was complicated. She made his life worth living, and he'd do anything for her, the end."

Fiona didn't smile like he expected her to, she just seemed more relaxed.

"Now you tell me a story." Logan insisted.

Fiona shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Once apon a time I was born with my brother, we moved a lot so I never had any friends, then..." she looked up at him, "Then I was delt a bull shit hand."

"Ok, and where's the happy part?" Logan asked her.  
"There isn't one, I'm not the type of person who can be happy." Fiona replied.  
"And you can't even smile?" he asked in a teasing type of voice.

She stared up at him still not smiling.

"So that's a no?"

"Yes, it's a no." she said.

"We'll have to change that." he said, he lifted her up and twirled her around. She fought smiling.  
"Still no smile?"

She crossed her arms.

"Don't make me sing Fiona." Logan said, he started singing a song that had random things that half-rhymed with Fiona. She still didn't smile, but she almost did.

He reached over and tickled her until she was laying on the floor laughing.

"That's cheating!" she insisted when he finally stopped.

"Is it?" he asked laughing and starting to tickle her again.

"Yes it is!" she said through laughs.  
"My mistake." he said.

"Now would be a good time for a kiss." she said.

"But you don't like kisses."

"But you do."

"That doesn't matter, I don't need them." Logan said "But a hug will do."


	37. Cutter Cutter

Whatever sex felt like, it couldn't have been better then the night he had spent with Fiona. Watching the television, trying to make each other laugh, that had to be better then the stupid things his friends talked about. Logan's friends weren't exactly on his 'good list' lately. Like the day before, the conversation he had with Ryan.

_"So have you and Fiona, you know..." Ryan had asked._

_"What?" Logan asked._

_"Done it, have you done it?"_

_"No."  
"What's up with that chick, not wanting to do it with this hunk?" Ryan asked, lightly punching Logan's shoulder._

_"She just doesn't want to, she... no she just doesn't want to do anything like that."  
"I get it, you're gay aren't you?" Ryan had guessed._

_"No, she just doesn't want to do that type of stuff." Logan had said, wondering why that was so hard to believe._

_"Well, I'd dump her, what a prude, not even letting you kiss her!"_

_"It's not like that Ryan." Logan stated with edginess on his voice._

_"Whatever." Ryan said, getting up._

_"She's not some prude ok? She has just had a hard time with her ex!" Logan yelled._

_"Oh, did poor little Fiona get dumped once, boo hoo!"_

_Logan picked up his things and walked away._

As fun as the time when they were laughing together and telling jokes was, the night was just the opposite. Endless nightmares. Waking up to her screaming, crying.

A few times she would wake up and stare at the oposite side of the room. Logan could tell she was thinking about something, but he didn't know what.

Logan was sleeping, dreaming about being on a plane and visiting Fiona... which was weird because he lived down the street from Fiona now... Suddenly, he woke up and saw Fiona get out of bed, look to see if he was awake and then walk out the room. He thought maybe she was just going to the bathroom or something but when she didn't come back for a few minutes he decided to follow her.

He walked down the hall until he saw her staring at herself in the bathroom mirror.

"Fiona, what are you doing?" he asked.

She turned around and looked at him, there were tears in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked again.

She dropped something and he looked down to see what it was, a razor, then he looked up at her wrist which was bleeding.

"God damn it Fiona!" he said, rushing over to her, grabbing towels and pressing down on her wrist with them.

She didn't say anything, she just looked at her wrist, biting her lower lip.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" he asked, wripping strips of towels and tightly wrapping them around her wrist.

She still didn't respond.

Logan held the towel in place for about ten minutes, he lifted it to see that the cut wasn't deep, and most of the bleeding had stopped. She didn't lose much blood. He found a big bandage and put some neosporin on it and placed it on her wrist.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, with seriousness in his voice. Fiona didn't answer.

"Fiona I want an answer, why did you do that?" he repeated, looking at her straight in the eyes.

"I...I don't know." she said, "But I'm not going to do it again."

"What makes me be able to believe you?" Logan asked, his voice strained.

Fiona didn't have an answer to that, so she kept quiet. But it was true she'd never do it again, it hurt. She realized she'd messed up on so many levels, because now, Logan was mad at her, and he could tell Declan who would also be mad at her.

"Please don't tell Declan!" she insisted.

"That doesn't seem like a safe thing to do." Logan stated.

"_Please_, Logan!" Fiona said, tears about to spill over.

Logan relaxed a bit, and pulled her into a hug, "Promise to never do that again Fiona, promise ok?"  
"I won't I already said that." she said, looking up at him.

"But, I'm finding it hard to believe you." Logan answered.

"Well, please find it easier." she said softly.

Logan didn't know how she made it so convincing but he did find it easier to believe her now. But he told himself he shouldn't have.

Logan checked on her cut one more time and gave her an angry look before they both walked back to bed.

Fiona had had another dream about Bobby, that was why she had cut herself, thinking maybe if it was over it'd be better. No, it wouldn't, because then she'd never see Declan, or Logan, Ellie, Holly J, Anya... she'd never see them again, and they'd never see her.

She woke up again, later in the night and rolled closer to Logan. She had thought that Bobby was going to hit her again, when he was leaving the other night, the fist was a few inches away from her face. But Logan had stopped it. She knew that Logan would protect her, but she didn't like to admit that she even needed to be protected. Sometimes she sucked up her pride and gave in, curling up next to Logan or crying in front of him. Sometimes she couldn't help it. And, he made her feel better a lot better in fact.


	38. The People That Are Out at Night

For the first time in a long time, Fiona woke up before anyone else, but now anyone else was her, Ellie and Logan. She went into Ellie's room and saw she was still asleep, so left her that way. She saw Logan was still asleep too. She went downstairs and turned on the television to the preschooler's channel. She didn't know why she liked watching those shows so much lately, she guessed because it reminded her of when she was little, the days before school, sitting at home playing with Declan.

The doorbell rang. Fiona sat on the couch. She was afraid it was Bobby. The door bell rang a few more times before the buttons in the door entering the code to unlock it beeped. Fiona's heart skipped a beat when the knob twisted and someone walked in.

"Fiona hey why didn't you answer the door?" Declan asked.

Fiona ran to her brother and wrapped her arms around him.

"Hello to you too, Fi." Declan said returning the hug.

"Where's Logan?" Declan asked.

"Still asleep." Fiona answered, still in Declan's arms. She had missed him so much.

"Where's Ellie?" Holly J asked coming in.

"She's still asleep too." Fiona answered as Holly J went up the stairs to see her baby.

"Are you ok?" Declan asked, looking at his sister.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Fiona asked.

"Well he came here, and he hurt you..."  
"No, I'm fine." she whispered.

"Good... I've got to go see Ellie." Declan said, heading up the stairs, Fiona followed him.

"Did you and Logan sleep together in the same room?" he asked, looking into her room seeing Logan there.

"Yes." Fiona answered, "Is that bad?"

"Yes, Fiona did you guys..."

"No, Declan, we didn't." Fiona said in a hushed voice, "He just helped me with my nightmares, he did everything you normally do."

Declan stared at his sister, the thought of her sleeping in the same bed with a boy... the thought of her dating someone still sickened him... but it was better if she was with Logan than someone like Bobby.

Declan kept walking to Ellie's room but Fiona went inside and sat down beside Logan, who was still sleeping. He had been so nice to her. Most boys she knew would dump her as soon as she refused kisses, but Logan didn't. He treated her like a person, instead of a fragile old book, or something that had to be watched over carefully, but at the same time it seemed that he really cared about her.

Declan walked in. "What are you doing Fi?" he asked.

"Nothing." she answered simply.

"Are you alright Fi?" he asked her.

She shook her head and Declan walked over to her.  
"What's wrong?"

"Bobby knows where we are." she said.

Declan put his arms around her, "I know, Fi, but that's ok... because I'm here for you, Logan's here..."

Fiona looked up at her brother, "You know what he told me Decs? He said he'd have to come back some time when I'm alone!"

"We'll make sure that doesn't happen then, Fiona, ok?" Declan said.  
Fiona nodded.

"Declan help me with Ellie, _please_!" Holly J's voice came from the other room, Declan got up, gave his sister an encouraging smile and walked out of the room.

Logan woke up and saw Fiona, he smiled at her. "How are you?" he asked.

"Fine, Declan and Holly J are back." Fiona answered facing him.

Logan nodded "So I guess I should go now..." he said, getting up.

"No, stay!" Fiona said without thinking, "I mean, I'd like you to, but we'll ask Declan and Holly J..."

"No, that's alright I don't need to stay here..."  
"Logan I need you!" Fiona said grabbing his arm as he walked by, "Please stay." her voice was pleading.  
"I'll stay for awhile, ok, but I have to get home someday to check on things." Logan said.

"If you want to go, you can." Fiona muttered

"No, I mean, no, I can stay until after dinner." Logan said, seeing how upset she sounded.

At dinner Logan ate the food like it was the only food he'd ever eaten. Fiona pushed the food around like she had already ate a lot. Holly J fed Ellie food off her plate and Declan ate almost everything.

"Why aren't you eating, did I make it wrong?" Declan asked.

"No, the food is fine." Fiona replied quietly.

"What is it?" Holly J asked, spooning some corn and handing the spoon to Ellie, who spilled it back on the plate.

"Nothing... I'm just feeling a little down." Fiona answered.

"Well, I have to get back home, I haven't been back there for a few days." Logan said, pushing back his chair. He walked around the table and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I'll see you later." he whispered into her ear.

She reached up and held onto his hands.  
"Please don't go..." she whispered, tears about to spill from her eyes.

Logan looked around, a little embarassed, but he didn't know why. Declan and Holly J were both watching them.  
He slowly bent down beside her. "Fiona, I have to." he whispered to her, getting up and walking out the door. Fiona got up and grabbed on to his arm.  
"Please Logan, please!" she yelled.

Declan got up and held his sister by the shoulders, "Fiona, he has to go, it's not like he'll be gone forever, but you have to let him leave."

She didn't look back at Declan, she only stared ahead at Logan.

"Fiona, I can't stay here, if my mom gets back she'll want me to be there." Logan told her, in the kindest way he could. He slowly lifted her hands off his arm.

She started crying.

"Goodbye Fiona, I'll see you later." Logan said. Declan had to hold his sister by her arm to keep her away from Logan.

Logan walked out the door feeling terrible, but if his mother got home and he wasn't there he'd get in serious trouble. No, what was he doing? Walking away from her when she was so sad? No, he had to keep going because she would act crazy again if he went back now.

"Fiona, what are you thinking?" Declan asked Fiona, who was sitting on the couch crying so much she was shaking.

"Fiona?" Declan asked again.

Fiona leaned against Declan and he put his arm around her.

"Fi, there's something wrong..." he said quietly.

She acted as if she didn't hear him.

"I think you have something wrong with you..." Declan said.

Fiona pried his arms off of her.

"Get away from me, I hate you!" she screamed, "I hate you, and I hate Logan!"  
She walked out the door.

"Fiona come back!" Declan said, not getting off the couch, of course she'd come back, and soon too, she just needed to be left alone for awhile, she'd come back in less then a minute.

Fiona didn't know where she was going, she was just trying to get away from it all. She had heard the expression, 'You can't run from your problems' but she didn't care, she'd heard lots of stupid things before.

She walked down the street quickly.

A car slowed down and rolled down the window, "You need a ride home, little lady?" the man asked. He was an older man. Fiona kept walking.

"I just want to help sweetie." he said in a voice that Fiona hated.

She stopped walking and turned around, facing the man "I already got raped once I'm not planning to do it again!" she screamed.

The man laughed and rolled up his window. Fiona reached for her shoe and threw it at the man's car, it hit the bumper and bounced off into the road. She continued walking one-shoed.

After a few minutes another man saw her, he had a beer bottle in one hand. "Hey, how much for a feel?" he stuttered, leaning against a street lamp and placing one arm on her shoulder.

"Back off prick!" she yelled, pushing him away from her.

"Come back, sweetheart!" the man mumbled, reaching for her arm.

"Don't touch me!" she said, walking away. The man had ahold of her shirt and it wripped. She didn't care.

She continued walking, leaving the man giggidy about having a piece of her shirt.

She walked into the park and sat on the swing.

"I'm such a bitch." she said out loud to herself.

_"No you aren't, you've just become very complicated."_

"Not you again..." Fiona said glumly.

_"Walk over to those people, they might have something to make you feel better."_

"Been down that trail, don't want to again." Fiona replied, or said... she didn't know what it was called if you were talking to yourself.

_"But it made you feel better, didn't it?"_

"Am I talking to Victoria here?" Fiona asked, talking about her meth-addict cousin.

"_You feel so sad, well that could help."_

"Get away!"

A girl with long light blonde hair walked over to her and sat in the swing beside her. "Hello, my name's Tia."

Fiona ignored her, she had been on drugs, of course, those were the only types of people who hung out in the park at night.

"You look a little sad, but you know if you..." Tia began, she held out a joint.

"Get that crap away from me." Fiona told her.

"Well you can do some that's legal then, Gary has a keg..." Tia suggested.  
Fiona thought it over... that was better, not as bad... and it would make her feel better...

She drank a lot. "And so this guy thinks that he can beat me up and I'll stay with him, what a dumbass!" Fiona laughed.

Tia took another drink, "You got beat up? I used to get beat up by my boyfriend too!" she said as if it was something to be proud of.

"And so I'm _not_ the only one!" Fiona laughed.

"Wait, no I didn't get beat up, I was... I don't know..." Tia said.

Fiona took another drink, "You know you are awesome!" she said, putting her arm around Tia.

Then she passed out.


	39. I Swear

_Bobby came by the park, it was night and he was going to check out what deals he could get that night, to have a little fun. _

_How surprising to find out that sweet, innocent little Fiona had taken up on this? He saw her laying on the ground, unconcious, completley unconcious.  
"I'm her boyfriend." he had said to the girl who was stumbling around over Fiona._

_He took her to the bathroom and repayed her for all the troubles she had caused him for that punch that her stupid little boyfriend had given him. He slammed her against walls, punched her, she was so small and easy to do this too he was so big, he laughed at his advantage, kicked her, and she'd surely be able to feel it all when she woke up. She fluttered her eyes and woke up once, saw him, then passed out again. There was a beautiful girl in front of him, why not take advantage, he suddenly thought._

_"You're sick." he told himself, laughing, it was a compliment to him._

"Holly J she hasn't come back!" Declan said, worriness showing through his voice.

"What do you mean she, Fiona? Where did she go?" Holly J asked.  
"I don't know she was mad and I thought she'd come back soon but she hasn't!"

"We'll go look for her." Holly J, who always was able to keep calm replied.

After a few hours of searching they found her in the park with a drunk girl who had a joint in her hand kneeled over her.

"She was just talking and then she was like out!" the girl said.

"What was she doing?" Declan asked, worried.  
"Just drinking and stuff."  
"Drinking and _stuff_?"  
"No, she was drinking and she drank vodka, and beer, and wine coolers... I like..." the girl rambled about which wine coolers she prefered.

Declan picked up his sister and carried her to the car. He sped her to the hospital.

"Yes, she'll be fine... she just had to many achoholic drinks." the doctor had said. "She's awake now."

"Has she had any tramatic problems in her life, recentally?" the doctor asked.

"Why?" Declan asked, annoyed with the doctor.

"First of all, the drinking, secondly, a wrist that apears to be cut with a razor, and the multiple bruises all over her."

"Wrist cut with a razor?" Declan asked, surprised.

"It wasn't deep and it was well cared for, but we still were wondering if you knew."  
"Yes, I did." Declan lied, trying to prevent the conversation from pursueing further.

"Ok, and do you have her in some type of counsaling?"  
"Yes." Declan lied again. The nurse nodded and walked away.

Declan called Logan "Yes, she might want to see you..."  
"Yeah just ask to see Fiona Coyne. Yes, thanks, bye."

Declan walked into Fiona's room, she didn't smile when she saw him. Her face was pale, except for the bruised part

"Fi, oh god, I'm so happy to see you!" he said running over to her and hugging her.

"Ow!" she said when he touched her. She lifted the blankets and saw bruises everywhere. Declan had saw some bruises on her and asumed that she had walked into something, drunk.

"I saw Bobby, and he hurt me again." she said, looking down at her waist which was almost completley black and blue, she realized her arms, legs, everything was.

"You were drunk." Declan said, trying to believe that. He couldn't bare thinking that Bobby had done it.

Then Logan arrived, running straight into the room and hugging Fiona, who closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, it hurt.

"What happened?" Logan asked, seeing she was bruised.

"Bobby came back at the park and he hurt me!" Fiona insisted.

"Fi, you were so drunk you passed out, the girl who was with you told us." Declan said.

Holly J sat on the end of Fiona's bed, holding Ellie and looking at Declan like he was crazy.

"But he _is_ here, Declan." Holly J stated, "We don't know for sure if she was just drunk or if she actually saw him."

Ellie climbed onto the bed and sat inbetween Fiona's feet.

"But she was completly drunk, and out of all places she could be in the middle of the night, why would he randomly pick the park?" Declan asked, he knew that Holly J had such a good point, but he refused to believe that man got his hands on his sister again.

"He could have followed her." Logan suggested.

Ellie crawled ontop of Fiona's leg, "Ow, oh god, El, move, Holly J make her move!" Fiona shreiked, Holly J quickly lifted the baby off of Fiona

"No Ellie, Aunt Fiona has hurts there." Holly J said

Fiona uncovered her leg and saw a huge gash, with bruises all around.

"She couldn't have done all this on her own." Logan said, smoothing Fiona's hair out of her face.

Declan had to agree.

Holly J looked at her cellphone, "It's 2:56, we've got to get home, Declan." she said.

"I can't leave her here alone..." Declan began.

"I'll stay." Logan said.

Declan shook his sister's hand, trying to make some contact that wouldn't enflict pain and told her that he loved her, before he left.

Logan sat beside Fiona with out talking, finally he said, "What were you doing?"

Fiona looked up at him and closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said "I don't know."

"You really are lost right now, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

"There's nothing left to do." Fiona answered.

"What?" Logan asked.

"There's nothing I _want_ to do."  
"That's never happened to me before." Logan said, "So I wouldn't understand."

"You know how if you have been focasing your life on one thing, and that's it, and then that thing happens, and it's a disapointment? Afterwards there's nothing left to do, because all your life you only did one thing, that's over. That's how it feels." Fiona answered.

"You couldn't have done all this to yourself." Logan stated.

"I know, I woke up in a building and Bobby was standing over me, and then I was out again." Fiona said.

Logan, who was sitting on the edge of her bed stared at her bruised arms. "No one can bruise almost their whole body alone." he told her.

Fiona placed her hand on her head, "I have a headache." she said, suddenly.

"I'll bet you do." Logan told her, lifting a glass of water to her mouth, she gladly drank some.

"I feel terrible." she said.

"Bruises and hangovers... bad combination." Logan said.

Fiona started crying, "I h-hate this!" she screamed.

"Calm down, Fiona, it's ok, just go back to sleep and you hangover will get better... at least." Logan told her, holding her hand.

Fiona went to sleep with Logan holding her hand.


	40. Pretend it Didn't Happen

Logan stared down at Fiona. She was asleep, tightly gripping his hand. He would always think of how stupid people who did drugs and drank a lot were, but now he understood them, or some of them. Some of them were dead beats but others just wanted an excape, like Fiona did. Now he got it, and understood completly, but he didn't like the idea of Fiona drinking her problems away. He wished so bad that she could be happy another way. He'd never loved anything more then he loved this girl. Why was it that everytime he loved someone something bad happened to them? His father, his mother who was now a 'working lady' that hung around by bars, now Fiona.

She woke up crying again, Logan covered her back up with the hospital blankets.

"When do I get to leave?" Fiona asked.

"The hospital? They want you to stay for a few days, to make sure everything's fine, around two days I think they said." Logan answered.

"I don't _want_ to be here." Fiona whispered.

"You have to be, and I don't want you to drink anymore, please Fiona..." Logan began.

Fiona shook her head, "It makes me happier." she whispered.

"And then you get a hangover and do stupid things." Logan insisted.

"You aren't my father." Fiona said coldly, "So I don't have to listen to you."

"I know that, Fiona, but I am your friend, and I have the right to try to get you to listen to me."

Fiona smiled at him. 'Friend' was a word that she didn't use often. Her only friends were Declan... usually. Of course there was Holly J now, Anya and Logan... but most of the time she'd move before she had time to make friends.

"What time is it?" she asked meekly.

"About 5 am now." Logan answered.

"Do you think..." before Fiona could finish Anya walked in.

"Hey Fiona." Anya said quietly.

"Hello." Fiona answered back. "Why are you up so early?"  
"When I hear my friend is in the hospital from achohol poisoning I normally like to go check it out." Anya answered.

Fiona laughed a little. "How are you?" she asked.

"Good, but how are you?" Anya asked.

"Fine... except for the throbbing headache." Fiona answered.

"When are you getting out?" Anya asked again.

"A few days." she said, looking up at Logan who was completley zoned out and staring into space.

"Well, I brought you something." Anya said, holding a neatly wrapped box out.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that..." Fiona answered, with a small smile.

"Open it!" Anya insisted. She looked like she was more excited then Fiona was.

Fiona untied the ribbon and opened the box, it was a dress. A long lacey blue dress, with a fake silver crown.

"This is... nice." Fiona said, a little confused.

"It's for LARPing, I mean you don't have to but you might like it." Anya said, still smileing.

"What is _LARPing_?" Fiona asked, studying the dress.

"Live Action Role Play!" Anya said, as if everyone in the world had heard of it.

"What?" Fiona asked.

"It's like playing a video game except you're there. See?" Anya dug through her purse and pulled out some pictures of her and her friends when they were LARPing.

"Oh... cool, so you want me to play it with you?" Fiona asked, not sounding enthusiastic.

"Well if you want... I heard you get bored around the house... so..." Anya started.

"Of course I want to!" Fiona said, trying to act happy.

"Ok, I'll call you the next time we are LARPing!" Anya said, happily. "I've got to go now, but... see you later!" Anya said, going out the door.

"Bye." Fiona said quietly.

Once Anya was gone Logan started laughing. "What the hell was that?" he asked, laughing so hard he could hardly talk.

"That's just something Anya likes to do..." Fiona said.

"When I told her you needed to do something beside sit around the house I didn't think she'd make you play Lord of the Rings!" Logan laughed.

Fiona rolled her eyes at him. "At least she was trying to make me feel better, but I don't know if I'll want to run around in the woods sword fighting."

"Oh why not?" Logan asked.

Fiona didn't catch the hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
"Because everytime I move it hurts." Fiona replied.

It reminded Logan that Fiona was hurt. Logan's cell phone rang.  
"Hi mom? But I'm with Fiona. She's a friend, she's in the hospital... fine."

Logan looked at Fiona, "Sorry Fiona, I have to go home tonight... my mom came back..." his voice told Fiona that he was truely sorry, and that he'd rather be with her.

"That's ok... you can go." Fiona said.

"Ok, I'll see you, Fiona." Logan said, waving to Fiona as he walked out the door.

Fiona sat alone for ten minutes before someone walked into her room.

"Hello Fifi, I heard you were in the hospital and I thought I'd come and visit you." Bobby said with his signature smile.

Fiona stared at him.

"Why do you look so scared?" he asked her.

She still didn't say anything, instead she tore her gaze from him and stared ahead.

He crawled ontop of her, she clenched her teeth.

"Get off." she managed to say.

Bobby's eyes were wide, "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry." he said, brushing her hair from her face as he got off the bed.

"Don't _touch_ me!" she told him, "Don't _ever_ touch me!"

"Fiona, is there something wrong?" Bobby asked.

"Don't pretend like nothing ever happened Bobby!" Fiona said, dispite the fear.

"Listen, Fiona I'm so sorry I hurt you, but I'm getting help, and taking medicine." Bobby said taking her hand.

"You are?" Fiona asked, looking up.

"Yes, and when I... when I had sex with you, I was drunk."  
Fiona thought back, no he wasn't? Was he? It was so long ago. Everything except the actual... seemed so vague.

"I'm not going to date you, Bobby you hurt me." she said, drawing her eyes away from him again.

"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." he stated.

She looked back up at him.

"But I'd like it if you didn't tell anyone about any future visits, or even this one... because they'd get worried over nothing." Bobby said.

Fiona nodded, though she wasn't sure if she would tell anyone or not.

"So, I'd just like you to know I'm sorry, but I've been getting help since the last time you saw me." Bobby said.  
"You mean last night?" Fiona said coldly.

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Last night when I was drunk, you were there, and you hurt me." Fiona stated.

"No, I was at my apartment... silly, you _were _drunk." Bobby insisted.

Fiona considered this. Wouldn't it be great if Bobby had changed, everything she'd ever dreamed of, and instead of thinking of pain when she saw him, she could think of warmness and love... No! He had hurt her badly. She was stupid for even thinking it.

"Where's your brother and your little boyfriend?" Bobby asked.

"At their houses." Fiona answered plainly.

"Oh, I'll stay here with you then." Bobby answered. Fiona was afraid to object.


	41. Wake up in a Nightmare

"Don't you ever sleep? Bobby asked.

Fiona couldn't fall asleep when Bobby was sitting beside her staring at her. She was extremely tierd, but she couldn't make herself sleep.

"No, I don't." she whispered.

"I'm going to go get some water." Bobby said, getting up.

When Bobby got back he laughed. He was the reason she haden't been able to sleep? She now layed on the bed in a very deep sleep.

He'd charm her, then take her back and continue to charm her... until she didn't do what he said, but by then she wouldn't be able to turn back, all her family and friends would think she was stupid for taking him back, and they would lose all respect for her. That was his plan, and Fiona was such an easy victem. She didn't have any real friends, her brother maybe, but that was it and when she did stupid things he punished her for them, and that would tear her apart.

Bobby spilt his water on himself, Fiona was crying and it had completly startled him.

"What the fuck?" he said aloud, turning towards Fiona who was crying to hard she was shaking.

"Wake up Fifi, I think you're having a bad dream." Bobby said sweetly.

Fiona opened her eyes, waking up from a nightmare and stilling being in one. She tightly closed her eyes again, but she could still see him, even with them closed she opened them again and saw Bobby standing over her. She wripped the tubes that were attached to her off and got out of bed and ran down the hall and into the elevator. Bobby followed her, but the doors closed before he reached her.

In the elevator she backed against the wall, breathing deeply. It had surprised her so badly to wake up and find Bobby standing over her.

The elevator opened and Bobby was standing there looking at her with a small smirk on his face.

She took a deep breath and slammed her hand into all of the buttons on the elevator. Bobby tried to get in again but failed.

Fiona stared at the lit-up buttons on the elevator, wondering which floor she'd be going to. It brought her to the fourth floor. She pressed '1' to go back down to the first floor. She lifted her hand to wipe her tears away.

When the elevator stopped and opened she ran out of it.

"Excuse me Miss." the woman at the desk said.

Fiona ignored her and walked past.

"Excuse me Miss!" the woman said getting up from the desk. Fiona started running.

She didn't know how far she had ran, but she didn't stop running and finally slowed down, catching her breath.

She saw Logan's house, the lights were on so she walked up to the door and knocked on it violently.  
The door swung open and a woman answered it, she had a cigarette in her mouth.

"Who are you?" she asked with an angry voice, looking over Fiona, who was in a hospital gown.

"I... is Logan here?" Fiona asked, wiping her eyes.

"Who are you?" the woman repeated.

"I'm Fiona... Logan's friend." Fiona said.

"Logan your friend is here!" the woman yelled, blowing smoke out of her mouth and into Fiona's face.

"You're a piece of work." the woman said, sing at Fiona.

Fiona rolled her eyes "Look who's talking." she muttered.

Logan came down and stared at Fiona. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into the house.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Bobby came after you left." she said, starting to cry and burrying her face in his shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Logan asked.

"Yes!" Fiona exclaimed loudly, "Why would you think I would lie about that?"

"I didn't think you lied... Fiona... I just wanted to be sure." Logan answered wiping away her tears. "Did he hurt you?"

Fiona shook her head, "No... he was... he was really nice..." she said, with a confused expression.

"People like Bobby can't be nice, they can only pretend!" Logan insisted, holding Fiona close to him. She had been so close to the man who hurt her, and she might fall for him again... he couldn't let her do that.

"I know..." Fiona nodded, "But if he has changed it would be great... he said he had a therapist... he said..."

"No, Fiona." Logan said, pulling her away from him, "That's not how it is."

She stared at him, silently before falling back into his arms crying.

The woman who had answered the door was watching quizzically from the other room, cigarette between two fingers.

"Mom... if you'll just give us a moment..." Logan said, his arms wrapped around Fiona.

The woman, who was Logan's mother stared at her son and Fiona.

"Is she your girlfriend or something?" Logan's mother asked.

Logan didn't answer, because he wasn't sure what Fiona was calling it now, sometimes she'd insist that he was her boyfriend, and sometimes she would tell him they were just friends, but they always acted the same towards each other if they were dating or not.

"Well what's wrong with her?" Logan's mother asked, sitting down.

"Her ex was bothering her." Logan answered, looking down at Fiona who was still crying very hard, and seemingly ignoring the conversation between Logan and his mother.

"Oh poor her." his mother answered sarcastically.

"He didn't treat her right, mother." Logan said, putting emphasis on the word 'mother'.

"Oh, he didn't buy her the right heels?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

Logan shook his head and took Fiona by the hand and led her to his bedroom, an partly unaired air matress sat in the middle of the room.

"Sit down." he told her, slamming the door, otherwise it wouldn't close.

She sat down on the matress and wiped her eyes.

"You aren't suposed to be out of the hospital yet." He told her.

"I know but Bobby was there staring at me." Fiona replied.  
"Does Declan know you're here?" Logan asked.

"No..." Fiona answered "but..."

"We need to call him then, he's your brother." Logan insisted.

"Logan please! He'll make me go back!" Fiona pleaded, her tears about to spill again.

"In the morning, when Declan wakes we'll tell him. You can stay here." Logan said, then muttered "If you want to."

Fiona gave him a small smile.

"You sleep on the couch, this bed sucks." Logan said.  
He picked her up and carried her to the couch. It was good to be with him, instead of with Bobby. His mother was sitting in an easy chair watching 'Cops'

Logan sat on the couch and layed Fiona down, covering her with a quilt.

After a few minutes, Logan's mother asked, "She fixing to stay here?"

"She has no where else to go, mother." Logan replied, again putting extra emphasis on mother.

"Don't give me that look, Logan, why can't she go to her palace?"

"Mother, stop!" Logan said, staring straight at his mother with icy cold eyes.

"She shouldn't be whineing, she has nothing wrong." his mother replied.

"Mother _please_!" Logan said, staring down at Fiona who had her eyes closed, and was fast asleep, she must have been really worn out.

"In all truthfulness, I don't like her, I might if you tell me what's wrong with her, but otherwise, she can't stay." his mother said, blowing smoke toward him.

Logan stared at his mother, he hated how she could be like this, that's why he liked it better when she was gone.

"Her old boyfriend would abuse her and he raped her." Logan said.

His mother's face softened as she looked down at the girl who was cuddled against her son.

"Why was she in the hospital?" she asked.  
"Achohol poisoning, she had too much." Logan answered.

His mother laughed.

"As if you haven't done the same." Logan said.

His mother stopped laughing and stared at her son and Fiona.

Fiona rolled over, now facing Logan, then rolled back, then screamed, and started crying.  
"Hey, Fiona, it's ok..." Logan told her, "You're at my house, wake up."

She squeezed her eyes shut and held onto his hand which he had placed on her's. He smoothed her hair back out of her face. She eventually fell back asleep holding onto Logan's hands with both of her's.

"Logan, you're a good boy." his mother said, getting up and blowing more smoke.

Logan closed his eyes.


	42. Typical

Fiona woke up, scared, from a nightmare, again. Logan was asleep this time, and there was a murder mystery on the television, and Logan's mother was still awake watching it on the other couch.

"Hey, girl." Ms. Martin said, noticeing Fiona was awake.

Fiona sat up and rubbed her eyes, looking over at Logan's mother.

"Good morning, Ms. Martin." she said quietly.

Logan's mother laughed, "It's hardly morning, 2:56 AM."

Fiona looked out the window, seeing it was still completly dark. "Oh." she said, with a small smile, looking at the floor.

"You're so adorable." Ms. Martin remarked.

Fiona looked up, "Wh-what?" she asked, with a questioning smile.

"Oh nothing, sweetie." Ms. Martin said, with a wave of her hand.

Fiona looked away. This woman could easily make her feel awkward, she didn't know why though.

"I'm sorry if it's cold in here, hun, the heater turns off after midnight." Ms. Martin said.

Fiona nodded.

The television program was about a man who killed his wife and children. Fiona watched it for a few minutes before the screen fizzed and shut off.

Fiona looked over at Ms. Martin who was holding the remote.

"Who needs to see that stuff anyway?" Ms. Martin asked, looking at Fiona.

"It's ok, you can watch it in front of me." Fiona said, then she added, "How do you..." before she could say the word 'know' Ms. Martin interupted her.

"Logan told me."

Fiona looked over at Logan, who was sleeping. She wanted to keep that quiet. People treated her differentally when they knew. That would explain the new awkwardness.

"You don't have to treat me differentally!" She yelled, which triggered something in her mind that made her want to cry, tears formed in her eyes.  
"Oh honey, I wasn't treating you differentally, I just didn't want to make you hurt." Ms. Martin said.

"You're doing it again!" she said, wiping tears away from her eyes.

"Well if you don't want any help, don't want me to be nice to you, then I'll just turn on a nice show about _rape_, and we can watch _that_." Ms. Martin said, taking another sip of beer, and smiling.

Fiona got up from the couch, which woke up Logan.

"Fiona, what are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"Your mother..." she said pointing, "Your mother..." it was the only thing she could choke out through her tears.

Logan got up and embraced her in his arms, trying to keep her calm.

"Fiona... stay calm..." Logan said.

"But your _mother_..." Fiona protested.

She took a deep breath. "I want to go home." she said.  
Logan looked down at her.

"Alright... ok..." Logan said, "Then I'll take you home."

"But I don't _want_ to go home!" Fiona said.

"What _do_ you want then, Fiona?" Logan asked with edginess on his voice, she was acting like it was all his fault, and that he did all this to her, but he was just trying to help.

"I want to _die_!" Fiona yelled.

All the anger towards Fiona that Logan had vanished. "No... no Fiona... no you don't." he said taking her hand and pulling her back to him.

She pulled away from his grip, "Yes, I do!" she exclaimed.

"No, Fiona you don't. I'd be sad, Declan would be sad... if you don't want Declan to hurt then you don't want to do that." Logan said in a meer attempt to make her rethink.

Fiona took a deep breath and reached for the bottle of beer that Ms. Martin held. She grabbed it and started to drink it before Logan knocked it out of her hand. It broke on the floor.

"Why did you do that?" Fiona asked, angrily, "Can you just not stand to see me _happy_?" she asked, tears pouring down her face.

"I'm calling Declan." Logan stated calmly.

"No, Logan please... please I'm sorry!" Fiona said.

"You don't mean it and I can tell... Fiona you need help, and I'm not sure I can give it to you!" Logan said, sounding honestly scared.

Logan called Declan and told him to pick up his sister.

In the middle of the night Declan's phone rang. He rolled over and covered his head with a pillow. It was too early for this. Holly J, seeing that Declan had no intentions of answering his phone, got up and answered it for him.

"Hello?" she asked in an irritable voice.

"Hi, is Declan there?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, but he's asleep, whatdya want?" Holly J answered.

"Fiona kind of came to my house tonight but she's acting crazy, I don't know her as well as you guys do so please...just come and get her."

Holly J sighed "Sure, we'll or I'll... someone will be right over."

She closed the phone and nudged Declan awake.

"Your sister... I'm sorry, Fiona is at Logan's house, he wants us to come and get her." Holly J told him.

"What? Now?" Declan asked, looking at the clock.

"Yes, now, if you want I'll just go pick her up, as long as _you_ start to help more with Ellie." Holly J said.

"I do help with Ellie."  
"Not enough!"

"I'll start helping more than, Holly J, I promise. I'll pick up Fi."

"Ok." Holly J answered.

"Go back to sleep beautiful." he said, kissing her neck.

She smiled as she layed back down on the bed.

Declan got into his car. He knew he could easily walk to Logan's house, but he didn't want to have to drag Fiona behind him. He'd rather drive her home.

He finally got to Logan's house. He opened the door that was stuck closed with a broom and walked right in.

"Fiona, what are you doing here?" Declan asked.

Fiona ran over to Declan and opened her mouth to say something but cried instead.

"What did you _do_?" Declan asked Logan.

"Tried to tell her she didn't want to _kill_ herself." Logan answered.

Declan put his arm around Fiona and walked her to the car.

She got inside and was still crying.

"What did he do to you?" Declan asked.

Fiona could online lean against the window and cry.

They drove in silence until Declan pulled into their drive.

"I don't think I can have a boyfriend." Fiona whispered.

"Did he hurt you?" Declan asked, looking at his sister.

She looked into his eyes and started to cry.

"Fi, tell me, did. he. hurt. you?" Declan asked again.

Fiona shook her head, "No..." she said, "No he didn't but I can't do this anymore, ok I _can't_!"

"Fiona, please... it'll be alright... but we need to get you back into the hospital." Declan said reaching for his sister's hand.

She pulled it away, "Please don't make me go back _there_!" she said.

"Ok... Fi... but I'm worried about you... so please just don't act like you'll hurt yourself... ok?" Declan asked.

"Decs?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah?"  
"I think we need to move." Fiona stated.  
"Because of Bobby?" Declan asked, opening the car door and getting out.

Fiona got out too. "Yes." she said, walking close to Declan.

He put his arm around her. "We probably should... but Holly J's mother will be mad."

"If you just tell her, she'll understand, right?" Fiona asked, her eyes nervously darting around them, making sure Bobby wasn't nearby.

"We can try it." Declan said, kissing the top of Fiona's head.

"What happened with you and Logan?" Declan asked, changing the subject.

"His mother is a _bitch_." Fiona stated, "And I don't know... what... to...do!" Fiona said, starting to cry again.

Declan opened the door and walked inside.

"That's ok... Fiona, you don't have to know what to do... we'll work it out... some time." Declan said, then added "Do you need to sleep with us, Sis?"

Fiona thought for a second, and then nodded. She didn't tell Declan about Bobby being at the hospital. She was afraid to.


	43. Break It

Declan was better at helping with nightmares then Logan was. Fiona had to admit it. She actually thought Declan was better at everything then Logan. She tried with Logan, she really did. She wanted to be normal. Logan was a good friend, but the word 'boyfriend' would not work. It reminded her too much of Bobby when he touched her arm, or went to sleep next to her. It wasn't that way with Declan though, probably because she knew Declan forever, literally. She woke up screaming. But Declan wasn't there, he was with Ellie.

Holly J was there though.

"Hey, Fiona." Holly J said, she was obviously very tierd, she had Fiona's hand.

Fiona caught her breath and sat up. "Oh...hi."

"You ok?" Holly J asked.

Fiona nodded, giving Holly J a meek smile.

"You know, I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind if we moved, under the circumstances." Holly J told her friend.

Fiona layed back down when she saw Declan come in.

"Are you alright, Fi?" he said "I heard you screaming."

"I'm fine Decs." she answered, glancing at Holly J.

"I'll tell my mom tomarow." Holly J suggested.

"Tell her what?" Declan asked.

"That we're going to move." Holly J said.

Declan stared at Holly J, "We are?" he asked.  
"Well duh, we can't have Fiona here with Bobby." Holly J said, looking at Declan.

"What will your mother say?" Fiona asked quietly.  
"We'll see, but it doesn't matter, because either way, we're going." Holly J insisted.

"Ok..." Declan began in an unsure voice.

"I think I'm going to get up." Fiona said.

"Now Fi? It's 6 AM." Declan said.

Fiona shrugged and walked across the hall into her room. She dug through the photo albums and took out all the pictures of Bobby that she had -she had alot. She tacked them to her walls. She knocked everything off her shelf and replaced them with the gifts that Bobby gave her. She got fingernail polish Bobby bought her, she loved painting her nails... he had gotten her tons of polish, she started to paint the walls with the many shiney, glittery colors. Declan came in.

"What are you doing?" he asked, seeing Bobby's eyes staring down on all of them, and all the stupid cheap things he had given her displayed on the shelves.

"If he comes in here after we leave... he'll see all this." Fiona said.

"And?" Declan asked, not getting what she was doing.

"And then..." Fiona stopped, she stared around the room and threw one of the bottles really hard. It crashed against the walls, exploding paint everywhere, and glass. She started laughing.

"Fiona..." Declan began, but he stopped. His sister was happy for once, he liked it that way.

She picked the fingernail polishes up and threw them on all four walls, and the ceiling, wooden floor. One by one the fingernail polishes plundered to the floor.

Then she picked the up the picture frames, smashed them too, shredded the photos of Bobby inside. Then she started to stab out the eyes with tacks.

"Ok... Fi, I think it's time to stop." Declan told her, holding her arm.

"Stop it!" she laughed,pulling away from him and stabbing the eyes out of another Bobby picture. She left herself and other people in the picture untouched. She found the snow globes and smashed them too. She was having fun... lots of it.  
Holly J came in with Ellie. "What is all this noise?" she asked, looking around the room and the fingernail polish dripping off the ceiling and down the walls.

Declan laughed, "I don't know." he said taking a bottle of fingernail polish from Fiona and throwing it against the opposite wall.

Holly J shook her head and walked out.

Fiona picked up pictures and polish, plates, cups all the breakable things Bobby had gotten for her. She handed some to Declan, and some she broke herself.

Everyonce in awhile Holly J would poke her head in, watch them for a few minutes and leave.

They continued to break as many things as possible that Bobby got for her. Fiona was laughing and having a great time.

When Fiona couldn't find anymore things that Bobby had given her she started to break things that Logan had given her, and things her grandparents and other friends had given her. Declan did not take part in this.

"What are you doing Fi?" Declan asked when she took sissors and started to cut up a purse.

Fiona just laughed and Declan sat down on her bed and watched her.

"Aren't you going to want to take some of this with you when you move?" Declan asked.

Before Fiona could answer Holly J walked in holding a phone, "It's your mom." she says.

Declan took the phone out of her hand.

"Hello? Mom, yes we are... yes she did... ok."

"Fiona, she wants to talk to you." Declan said.

Fiona who was about to smash another glass vase took the phone.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Fiona, dear, I heard you broke up with Bobby and that you guys are planning to move again."

"Yes... mom..." Fiona said.

"Dear why?"  
"Why what?" Fiona asked.

"Why did you break up with Bobby?"

"We just weren't right."  
"Why are you moving?" Mrs. Coyne asked, her voice persistant.

"Bobby followed us when we moved the first time."  
"So you can't live in the same place as your ex boyfriend?" Mrs. Coyne asked, in a stern tone.

"No mom, I can't!" Fiona said, about fed up with all the questioning.

Fiona hung up and threw herself onto the bed.

"What did she say?" Declan asked, looking at his sister who was staring at the ceiling.

"She wanted to know if I broke up with Bobby, and why and..." Fiona broke off, tears were building up in her eyes.

Declan grabbed her hand and pulled her into a sitting position and wiped away her tears.

"You know, Fi, you should report it... you really should so he doesn't do this to someone else." Declan told her, his eyes staring into her's.

She started to cry harder and he wrapped his arms around her.

"But you don't have to." Declan added, patting his sister's back.

"I'm tierd of pretending Decs. People look at my bruises... and then they ask but if I tell them the truth..." her voice broke.

"That's ok, Fiona. Those bruises will heal... it'll all be better soon... you'll see."

"And what am I suposed to do about Logan?" Fiona asked, still crying.

"What about him?" Declan asked.

"About him likeing me, but me being afraid of him." Fiona whispered.

"Say bye to him and leave... we have to move anyway..." Declan said.

Fiona continued to cry.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Fiona." Declan said.

Fiona looked up at him.

"I miss when we were little." she said quietly.

"What parts? The always moving, the not being able to make our own choices?" Declan asked, hoping to make Fiona not miss anything and just be happy.

"I miss the you and me playing with out any problems... Bobby used to play with us... remember?" Fiona asked.

"Yes... I do." Declan answered.  
"And when he wasn't with you you'd play with me, but if he was there you wouldn't let me in the snow forts... or on the slide..."  
"Bobby's always been an ass." Declan said. "You didn't get much sleep last night. If you're tierd I'll stay here with you for awhile." he added.

Fiona nodded and layed down on her bed. She stared around her room, seeing the colorful fingernail polish splotches, and glass all over the floor, and Declan sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her hand. She smiled and closed her eyes.

**-Ok everyone who wanted some Declan/Holly J parts... well I'll give you some... in the next chapter! It'll take place while Fiona's asleep... so she won't be awake 'bothering' them.-**


	44. One Day to Us

Declan walked out of Fiona's room when he saw that she was finally asleep. He walked into Ellie's room to check on her, but she must have been with Holly J because she wasn't in her playpen or her crib.

Holly J walked upstairs and found Declan about to walk down them.

"We have to go tell my mother we're moving." she said, holding Ellie.

"Fiona just went to sleep." Declan replied.

"Good." Holly J said, not seeing how this could be a problem.

"No, not good. If she wakes up someone should be with her, and Bobby might come."

"Call Logan or whatever." Holly J suggested.

"I don't know his number, plus, I don't think he and Fi are happy with each other right now." Declan said.

"Call Anya." Holly J said, she was trying to hurry and get this over with.

Declan called Anya and she answered.

"I thought she was still in the hospital." Anya said.

"I know... but she uh... she got out early. She's asleep and Holly J and I have to do something... we thought she might like some company if she woke up." Declan said.

"Umm... ok... yeah I'll be right over then." Anya said.

Declan waited until Anya showed up before leaving.

"She's in her room." Declan said.

Anya nodded and began up the stairs.

"When are you guys going to be home?" she asked.

"Not sure." Holly J answered as she walked out the door.

Declan smiled at Anya and he said "Within a few hours." and walked out.

In the car Holly J was very nervous.  
"My mom isn't going to like this." she stated.

"She let you go to New York." Declan said, trying to convince her that her mother wouldn't be angry, but he knew she would.

Holly J sighed as Declan pulled into the drive way of her mother's house.  
She knocked on the door and Holly J's mother answered imediantally.

"Oh... my _favorite_ grandchild!" she said, taking Ellie out of Holly J's arms.  
"Hello, mom... we have something to tell you." Holly J said, with an obviously fake smile.

Mrs. Sinclair's eyes darted to Holly J's stomach, "There isn't another is there?" she asked.

"Another?" Holly J asked, then understood, "Oh, no... of course not. But... we have to move away... not too far but away from _here_." Holly J stated.

"Come in." was Mrs. Sinclair's answer, she was obviously angry.

They sat down on the couch.

"So why, may I ask do you wish to move?" Mrs. Sinclair asked Declan and Holly J.

Holly J was silent, she knew that Fiona didn't exactly like people to know about all this, only four people besides herself knew.

"It's my sister." Declan said.

"What about her?" Mrs. Sinclair asked.

"There's someone here who is harassing her." Declan said. Holly J could tell he was trying to hide what had happened to Fiona.

"Then she can move... but I want to see my grandchild."

"Ma'am, she's my sister..." Declan started but Mrs. Sinclair interupted.

"I just want what's best for my child and my grandchild, and this is a good place for them to be, nearby... low crime rate..."

"Fiona's abusive boyfriend followed her here, Ma'am and I think it would be in best intrest for my sister, as well as Holly J and Ellie if we moved." Declan stated plainly.

Mrs. Sinclair was silent.

Anya walked up the stairs and found Fiona's room. She bit her lower lip and looked at the walls, floor, and ceiling. Spotted with fingernail polish, glass... she hoped she wouldn't cut her feet when she walked. She was used to Fiona's room being very neat... that was how Fiona used to be.

Fiona was asleep on the bed, fingernail polish was still dripping from the ceiling and onto the bedspread.

Anya didn't really _want_ to be in this room that smelled of fingernail polish. It was giving her a headache and she had to wonder if it was good for someone to inhale that much of the chemical smell.

Fiona rolled over and Anya stood in the corner of the room that looked the most 'untouched'.

All was well until about ten minutes later when Fiona started screaming and crying. She woke up and quickly reached up and noticed no one was there. Anya rushed over.

"Hey, Fiona... Declan and Holly J had to do something so they called me over so I'd be here if you woke up." Anya stated.

Fiona choked over her tears for a few minutes, avoiding Anya's eyes and hugging herself.  
"Are you alright?" Anya asked, with care showing through her voice.

Fiona looked up at Anya and gave her a small smile, but it quickly turned into a frown.  
"No... I'm not!" Fiona said, her crying starting all over again.

Anya sat down on the bed with one arm around Fiona. She didn't say anything, there was no need to, because she knew it wouldn't help. She was sure that by now Fiona had heard many _You'll be fine_'s and _It's ok_'s, so she kept quiet. All she really needed to do was be there.

"You totally turned my mom's thinking around within five minutes!" Holly J said when they walked out of Mrs. Sinclair's home.

Ellie stood on the sidewalk watching ants while Holly J wrapped her arms around Declan's neck and kissed him.

"And that was for?" Declan asked with a smile.  
"That was for being the most awesome boyfriend! I love you so much!" Holly J said. Declan planted a kiss on Holly J's lips.

"I love you too." he said, reaching down and picking up Ellie.

"Lets do something tonight," Holly J said in the car. "Lets go out somewhere, get a hotel... you know?"  
"But with Ellie..." Declan began but Holly J stopped him.

"Anya's an _excellent_ babysitter." she said.

"What about Fiona?" Declan asked.

Holly J rolled her eyes, "Fiona's a big girl, Anya would be with her... yeah, she could stay at Anya's or Anya could stay with her... she'd be fine."

"I don't know... Fi's pretty... messed up right now... it makes me feel bad to not be there for her."

"I don't want you to not be there for her... just one day, to _us _Declan... please?" Holly J asked.

"Fi's been through so much lately... the Logan breakup... if that's what you'd call it... Bobby... Holly J honestly do you think she'd be ok?" Declan asked, his voice unsure.

"Of course I do, I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it!" Holly J said, smiling.  
"Ok... but what if Anya can't stay?" Declan asked.

"She'll be able to." Holly J answered, smiling.

When Fiona stopped crying Anya looked at her, "Want to do something?" she asked.

"Like LARP?" Fiona said critically.

"That's not until next Wednesday... and if you don't want to, then you don't have to." Anya said.

"What else is there? Shower, make yourself eat, sleep, start over, everyonce in awhile fit in some stupid idea of mine that'll almost get me killed..."

"Look, Fiona... I know there's a lot of things on your mind... and I'm so sorry this happened to you... but you're making Declan worried, I can tell." Anya said.

"I am?" Fiona asked.

"Yes, he's so worried that he thinks someone should be with you always... you're causing him a lot of stress."

The door opened and Declan came up with Ellie. "Anya can you watch her all night, like stay here?" he asked, then added "Holly J wants a night out."

Anya was surprised. "I... Yeah, I guess." she said.

"Great!" Declan said.

He walked over to Fiona and gave her a hug.

"Love you Fi, have fun with Anya, a sleep over... that's what it is." he said, he kissed the top of her head and waved as he walked out of the wrecked room.

"Yes... he cares a lot." Fiona said, flipping onto her stomach and struggling not to cry.

Anya patted her back.

"Every relationship needs time alone, Fiona. He just needs a little break. Besides, you and me will have tons of fun!" Anya sounded so sure of herself.

Fiona looked up, "W-we will?" she asked.  
"Sure!"


	45. Define 'Fun'

Trying to have fun with Fiona was like trying to have fun with a mean teacher.

"What movies do you want to watch?" Anya asked.

"Sesame Street... Max and Ruby..." Fiona went on and on.

"Ok, lets not do that!" Anya said trying to sound happy.

"What video games do you have?" Anya asked.

"Video games?" Fiona asked.

"Yes."  
Fiona stared at her. They didn't have any video games... they never did really.

"I guess not." Anya said, trying to still sound happy.

Fiona looked around. "You know what's _really_ fun?" she asked.

"What?" Anya replied, getting her hopes up.

"If your brother doesn't leave you so he can have sex with his girlfriend in some hotel!" Fiona screamed.

"They might not being having sex." Anya said quietly in an attempt to make Fiona calm down.

Fiona laughed and said, "You know what will be _really_ fun?"

"No, what?" Anya asked, wondering if it was something completley crazy.

"Going to Bobby Beckenridge's house, and throwing stuff at it." Fiona answered, in a dreamy voice.

"Er... what _kind_ of stuff?" Anya asked, making conversation.

Fiona thought for a few seconds then gave a small smile, "Bombs." she answered.

"Do you _have_ any of those?" Anya asked, which sounded stupid but Fiona did impulsive things with out thinking, and the Coynes get pretty much anything they wish to have.

"No..." Fiona said sounding disapointed.

"But you wouldn't right?" Anya asked, a little concerned.

"Wouldn't what?" Fiona asked, looking up at her friend.

"Wouldn't bomb him." Anya answered.

Fiona shrugged "Why not?" she asked.

"Why not? It'd kill him, his family and friends would be sad..." Anya rambled on and on of reasons not to bomb Bobby.

"All those reasons didn't stop _him_ from hurting _me._" Fiona said, Anya could see that tears were forming in her friends eyes. Fiona would do anything to pay that basterd back.

"But he's a terrible person, and you're not." Anya said.

"Lets take a walk." Fiona suggested.

"Alright... then we will." Anya said.

Fiona walked upstairs and brought Ellie down.

They walked a few blocks before Fiona said "Lets go home."

"Why?" Anya asked.

"We should just go home... don't you think?" Fiona asked.

"We just got out here." Anya answered.  
"_He's_ out here." Fiona whispered.

"Where?" Anya asked looking around.

"I haven't seen him but he's here... he has to be around her somewhere." Fiona whispered.

"If we see him, then we'll go home." Anya said, "You can't just hide in your house forever because of _him_."

"But... he'll come and he's really strong... he could hurt you too." Fiona insisted, trying to get Anya to turn back with her.

"Come on Fiona, we'll have fun." Anya said, slipping her hand into Fiona's.

Fiona kept walking, but she was so scared that Bobby might find her.

She stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and started crying.

"I don't want to do this, Anya." she pleaded.

"Come on, Fiona... please, it'll be fun, you'll see. I'm taking you and Ellie somewhere awesome." Anya said.

Fiona took a deep breath and kept walking.

Finally they came to a fence which if a piece was lifted you could get right through.

Fiona stayed back until Anya grabbed her hand and pulled her in, along with Ellie.

Inside were swings, slides, tunnels, merry go rounds... endless amounts of things that any child would enjoy.

"What is this place?" Fiona asked, looking around... all the plastic parts were faded in the sun, the swing chains were rusty, some swings were held with rope.

"It's a place Holly J and I found when we were little. We haven't been back for awhile, but it's a great place." Anya said, standing on a tire swing and swinging herself.

"Is it closed or something?" Fiona asked.

"It's been behind this fence for a long time... since I can remember. I think it was like this when we found it." Anya said. "Why don't you swing or something?"

Fiona climbed onto a jungle gym and sat at the top and looked over the tall wooden fence. Bobby probably didn't know about this place... she was probably safe.

She climbed down from the jungle gym and saw Ellie was in the sand box. She was having fun so Fiona let her be. Fiona decided to push Anya on the tire swing, and then get on one herself.

"You know Anya," Fiona began swinging high in the air. "You found a pretty cool place."  
"I did?" Anya asked with a smile, glad her friend was acting happy.

"Yeah... you did."

Fiona's phone rang. She looked down it was Declan.

"Hello?" she asked.  
"Why did you hang up on me, Fiona?" Mrs. Coyne asked.

"Hang up on you? Mom? What are you doing on Declan's... No... my phone went dead." Fiona lied.

"Please tell me why you are thinking about moving again."  
"Bobby's here... that's it, mom." Fiona said, almost losing her balance on the swing.

"Where are you right now, and why is your room so discusting? Where's Declan? Why doesn't he have his phone with him?"  
"I just was getting rid of all the stuff Bobby... how do you know my room is messy?" Fiona asked.

"Fiona, I come to visit my children and none of them are home... where are you? Where is Declan?"  
"Declan's out with Holly J and..." Mrs. Coyne interupted Fiona.

"Why is there a baby's room here?"  
Fiona completley forgot that Declan had chosen not to tell their mother.

"Declan will answer that for you later, mom... I'll be right there." Fiona said hanging up.

She put her phone back in her pocket and continued to swing.

"Who was that?" Anya asked, she had to scream in order for Fiona to hear her, they where swinging really high.

"Salesmen." Fiona lied. Lying was one of the easiest things for Fiona to do. She had a lot of practice.

About ten minutes later her phone rang again. Declan... probably her mother from Declan's phone again. She ignored it but the phone was persistantly ringing. She threw it against the fence.

**-I'm sorry for those that were reviewing anonymously, but one person keeps reviewing the same chapter over and over again with remarks like 'lol' and that's it... so I've disabled it.-**


	46. Safe Zone

Holly J and Declan, asleep on the bed of their hotel. Holly J was having a great time, with Declan to herself. Ellie wasn't waking them, Fiona wasn't waking them...

Holly J's cell phone rang. She sighed and got up to answer it, and studied the caller ID with confusion.

"Who is it?" Declan asked. He had woke up when Holly J crawled out of the bed.

"It says it's _you_." Holly J said.

"Answer it, maybe it's Fiona." Declan said.

"Hello." Holly J said.  
"Hello, Holly J are Declan and Fiona with you?"

"Who is this?" asked Holly J, not remembering the voice that was on the other line.

"Mrs. Coyne dear, are you with Declan and Fiona?"

"Declan's here... Fiona is at home with a friend."  
"No she isn't." Mrs. Coyne said "I'm at the house... she answered one of my calls and she won't return anymore."

"Oh... umm... we'll try to find her, ok?" Holly J said, sounding genuinely worried. If she didn't know where Fiona was, she didn't know where Ellie was either.

"Yes, meet me here ok?" Mrs. Coyne said.

"Yeah... sure, bye."

Holly J closed the phone and sighed, "So much for a break." she said.

"What did she do?" Declan asked.

"It was your mom, she's at the house looking for Fiona, she didn't mention Ellie so she's probably M.I.A too." Holly J said getting her things together.

Hearing this, Declan quickly packed all of his things together, worried for both Fiona and Ellie.

He signed them out of the hotel and drove over to their house, a little faster then the speed limit signs told them to.

When they reached the house, Declan ran into it, Holly J close behind him.

"I'm going to ask you questions first, and you will answer them before we do anything." Mrs. Coyne said. Declan and Holly J exchanged glances.

"Number one, why is there a baby's room in this house?" she asked.

"You're a grandmother." Declan said, wanting to get through these questions as quickly as possible. He zoned out while his mother lectured him. He nodded and then he said "Next question!"

"Why is Fiona so worked up about Bobby?" Mrs. Coyne asked.

"Bobby wasn't nice to her." Declan answered quickly.

Mrs. Coyne looked at Declan, "What is _that_ suposed to mean?"  
"He hit Fiona and stuff... that's it, we need to find her now." Declan said in frustration.

"He _hit_ her?" Mrs. Coyne asked.

"Yes he... you can ask her to tell you the rest... we need to find her!" Declan exclaimed. "Mom stay here in case she comes back, Holly J and I will look for her."

First they went to Anya's house. Anya answered the door imediantally.

"Where's Fiona?" Holly J asked.

"She said she was going to go home, and that she didn't want me to stay... she's not at home?" Anya asked.

"No, she isn't."

"I took her and Ellie back to your house." Anya said.

"She isn't there now." Declan stated.

"I'll help you look for her." Anya said, walking out of her house, not bothering to change out of her pajamas.

They got into the car and look around.

"Call her phone." Declan told Holly J as her rounded the corner.

"She broke it when we were... _at the park_." Anya said, "Go to the park."

Declan turned the wheel toward the city's park.

"No, the secret park." Anya said.  
Both Declan and Holly J looked at Anya with confusion. Then Holly J's thoughts clicked into place.

"Turn on 10th street." Holly J told Declan. She kept giving him directions until he reached a dead end.

"Get out." Anya said, rushing out the door and holding open the broken part of the fence.

"I think she's in here." Anya said.

Declan and Holly J went through the tall wooden fence.

A pile of sand sat beside the sand box. A blanket was layed over the large wooden box and Fiona was curled up inside of it, Ellie was beside her sleeping.

Holly J ran over to Fiona and shook her awake.

Fiona opened her eyes.

"Do you know how worried I was to come home, at 2 AM and find my one year old daughter gone, do you?" Holly J asked in a loud, angry voice. Holly J had her hands on Fiona's shoulders.  
"Answer me, Fiona, you can't take off with people's kids ok?" she screamed.

Fiona started crying and it was then that Holly J noticed the fear that was showing through her eyes. The girl who had terrible nightmares about her abusive boyfriend had woke up with someone shaking her by her shoulders and yelling at her. Holly J imediantally felt guilty.

"It's ok Fiona, I'm sorry, I was just worried about Ellie." Holly J whispered.

Fiona used her sleeve to wipe her tears away, "I'm sorry." she said over and over again. Declan ran over to her.

"Fiona... don't ever do that again." he said hugging her and helping her up out of the sandbox.

"Fi, mom's home... she wanted to know why you broke up with Bobby, and I told her." Declan said calmly.

"You told her?" Fiona asked.  
"I told her he hit you but that's it." Declan said.

"Thanks a lot, Decs." Fiona said angrily.

"She wanted to know and you know how mom is." Declan insisted.

"She's just going to want to know _more_ and_ more!_" Fiona said, holding back tears.

"You could lie." Declan said.

"And make mom think I'm even more crazy?" Fiona asked, "I've never been like the rest of the Coynes, Declan!" Fiona stated, her tears started to fall.

Declan took her in her arms.

"You don't have to be like the rest of us, Fiona, we're not all the same, it'd be boring that way." Declan said to her.

"We should get home." Holly J reminded them.

Declan took his sister's hand and gave it a little squeeze as the squeezed through the small hole in the fence.

They took Anya home first, and then worked on getting themselves home.

When they got home Mrs. Coyne ran up to Fiona and hugged her tightly. Fiona pried her mother's arms off of her, the bruises were still there.

"Fiona... is it true?" Mrs. Coyne asked.  
Her mother's words made Fiona completly cave in. She started crying and sunk into her mother's arms again.

"We need to talk." Mrs. Coyne said, looking at her daughter.

Holly J lifted Ellie out of her car seat. "Who is this?" Mrs. Coyne asked.

"Mom... this is Ellie, my daughter." Declan said, ready for another complete lecture.

"She's cute. You are iresponsible." Mrs. Coyne said, turning away and following Fiona to the house.

Declan and Holly J -with Ellie, went inside, Holly J put Ellie to sleep while Declan sat beside Fiona, holding her hand.

"Tell me everything, Fiona." Mrs. Coyne said.  
"He hit me, that's it... he hit me once." Fiona said, glancing at Declan, half expecting him to tell Mrs. Coyne the real truth.

"You're lying, and I can tell, Fiona." Mrs. Coyne said. "And the bruises are proof."

"He hit me, kicked me... punched me... a lot... there..." Fiona said, hoping her mother wouldn't persue her further.

Mrs. Coyne stared at her daughter.

"And he... raped... me..." Fiona whispered, tears intruding her eyes.

Declan put his arm around his sister and pulled her against him.

"He...he what?" Mrs. Coyne asked, disbelief in her eyes.

Fiona didn't answer. She couldn't through all the violent crying. Declan stared down at his sister, leaning against him, he didn't say anything though. Sometimes silence was better then meaningless chattering about how it's ok. Mostly when it wasn't really ok.

"Fiona did you really let this man do this to you?" Mrs. Coyne asked.

"Mother she didn't _let_ anything happen to her. It happened and she tried to stop it." Declan said, running his hand up and down Fiona's arm, it's what he did to help her get to sleep after a nightmare, a kind of way to let her know that he was there.

"I can't believe this, Fiona... we can't let that bastard get away with this." Mrs. Coyne said. "We'll get our lawyer and..."  
"No... don't in-involve the law... I just want it to be over, don't involve the cops." Fiona whispered.

"Fiona, we have to." Mrs. Coyne began.

Fiona stared at her mother with complete horror. Bobby would surely hurt her even more if she did that. She didn't want people to know that Fiona Coyne had gotten beaten and raped by her boyfriend.

"Fiona dear, it's something we _must_ do..." Mrs Coyne started again.

"You know what mom?" Declan asked suddenly, "When you're the one who gets battered up then you can decide... Fi can make her own desisions!"

Fiona looked up at her brother, she didn't know if she had ever loved him more.

"Well if I can't be the mother around here, I supose I'll go and leave it to you, Declan." Mrs. Coyne said, gathering her things "I have to be back tomarow anyway... another trip."

"Goodbye, mom." Declan said quietly as his mother walked out the door.

When she was gone he looked down at his sister, who was pressed against him, her sobs were quieter now.

"I have a few questions to ask now, Fi." Declan said quietly. She looked up at him.

"Why in the world would you want to sleep in a sandbox?"


	47. Me and My Boyfriend

Fiona could tell that Declan only half understood the park. It was secret. A big tall wooden fence gaurded it and to anyone who didn't already know there was a small loose piece of wood, it was just a tall fence gaurding the back of an old school, which was now a post office. It was so tall that no one could see over it... and Bobby wouldn't be able to either. That was, to Fiona the only place she could be, knowing for sure that Bobby wouldn't be able to hurt her.

"You made mother mad." Fiona said to Declan, her voice was shakey from all the crying.

"I did? She made me mad too." Declan replied.

"When are we moving?" Fiona asked in a whisper.

"Soon... next week maybe."  
"What am I going to do about Logan?" Fiona asked.

"Are you guys still mad at each other?" Declan questioned.

"I don't know." Fiona said.  
"Do you like him?" Declan asked, "As a boyfriend, or even as just a friend."

"As... I don't know." Fiona whispered.

"You should visit him tomarow and tell him that you're moving." Declan said, "Even if you don't like him at all, it's only fair, for him to know."

Fiona sighed. Holly J came down the stairs, she had just put Ellie to sleep.  
"Where'd your mom go?" she asked.

"She left." Declan answered.

"Why?" Holly J asked.

"She had a meeting that she had to get to." Fiona said, not mentioning Declan and her's little "fight".

"Oh." Holly J answered, quietly. She sat down beside Fiona, who was still leaning against Declan.

"I'm sorry I ruined you guys' night." Fiona said.  
"You didn't ruin it. It was just a little shorter then planned." Holly J told Fiona.

Fiona sighed. "I wish this didn't happen!" she said, "If this didn't happen, if Bobby wasn't like that, then I'd be in New York with my perfect boyfriend, my perfect brother, my perfect friend..." Fiona leaned against Declan again. "But now I'm just abuse and rape victem who can't do anything."  
"That's not true, Fi." Declan said, "You're awesome, and strong..." Declan rambled on about how great she was, and she fell asleep.

She woke up on the couch by Declan, who was still asleep. It was a nightmare again, that woke her up. She hugged herself, which was something that comforted her. She learned to do it when she woke up but no one else did. She got a glass of water and filled it up with ice and waited for the ice to melt, before drinking it. She didn't know why but newly melted ice always tasted better then just regular water, it was 4 am.

She walked over and saw Declan sleeping. She watched him for awhile and then Ellie started crying. She could hear Holly J getting up from her bed upstairs. "I'll put her back to sleep." Fiona said loudly.

"Thanks." Holly J's muffled voice said back.

Fiona walked upstairs and picked up Ellie, who'd rather play then go back to sleep.

Ellie could say a few words now, including 'Daddy' which sounded like "Dah-ee' and Mommy which sounded like "Mo-ee" she could also say "Aunt" which sounded like "Ent." she could almost say Fiona too, but it sounded like E-on-uh.

When Ellie was tired again, Fiona put her back to sleep. And went back downstairs with Declan and went to sleep.

Declan woke up and found the side of his shirt completly drenched in Fiona's tears. She was still crying softly. He didn't know he'd fallen asleep downstairs on the couch with her. He grabbed a pillow off of the chair that sat beside the couch and slowly got up, placing a pillow where he had been sitting. Fiona had been using his lap as a pillow. She flipped over when Declan moved but stayed asleep. Declan changed his shirt and went upstairs seeing that Holly J was awake he sat beside her on the bed. She was reading and Ellie was sleeping between her legs.

"Nice of you to come up and join me." Holly J said coldly.

"Sorry, ok, I was just going to stay until Fiona went to sleep but I fell asleep."  
Holly J rolled her eyes. "I can't have a full day to just me and my boyfriend, or even a _night_."

"I thought you said it was just _shortened_." Declan said.  
"To Fiona! She's already got enough things to worry about!" Holly J replied.

Declan sighed, "Just wait until she gets a little better, then we'll be able to go places together, with Fi as a babysitter."

Holly J looked unsure for a few seconds. "Promise?" she asked finally.  
"Of course." Declan answered, sitting down beside Holly J. They sat there together for a few minutes before Fiona screamed downstairs. Declan got up to help his sister out of her nightmare. He saw Holly J look annoyed and he gave her a stern look, "After she gets better." he said as he walked downstairs.

Fiona was tossing and turning on the couch, crying loudly.

"Fi..." Declan said, lightly touching his sister's shoulder.

She woke up and gasped, then smiled a small smile at her brother.

"Thank you." she said, meaning 'Thank you for waking me up.'

"You're welcome, Fi." Declan said sitting down beside his sister.

"How are you?" he asked quietly.

"How am I?" Fiona asked. Declan had asked this question like it was _before_ any of this Bobby mess.

"Yes, how are you, Fi?" Declan asked, staring at her.

"I think you already know... considering everything that's been happening." Fiona answered, quietly.

"Right now though, how do you feel?" Declan asked.

"Did you poison me or something?" Fiona asked, joking of course.

"No, Fiona, I just want to know how you are." Declan said, acting as if Fiona's previous question had been serious.

"I'm... ok." Fiona said quietly.

"That's good." Declan said.

"How are you... Decs?" Fiona asked, awkwardly.

"I'm fine. Bored, but I'm fine." Declan answered.

It had been awhile since someone had carried out a normal conversation with her. It had been a long while. It was always about her nightmares or if she had been eating enough -which she haden't. It was weird.

"Want to see a movie or something later?" Declan asked.

Fiona laughed a little. She didn't really _feel_ like doing anything lately. Outside was where Bobby was, inside was where Bobby could be... she mostly liked to sleep and Bobby was there too, so she didn't _want_ to do anything. She dismissed this question as a joke.

"Fi?" Declan asked, when she didn't answer.

"What?" Fiona asked.

"Do you want to do something today?" Declan said.

Fiona stared ahead and finally shrugged, "Whatever." she said quietly.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to." Declan stated.

"No... I can go." Fiona said in a small voice.

"Ok." Declan said, getting up, "You should probably start packing for when we move."

"What?" Fiona asked, she had zoned out again.

"I'm going to pack, for when we move, you probably should too." Declan repeated.

"Oh... yeah I will." Fiona said, getting up and walking up the stairs, Declan followed behind her.

She reached the top of the starecase, and leaned against the wall.

"You ok, Fi?" Declan asked, he stopped behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

She stared ahead for a few minutes before she turned around, facing Declan. There were tears in her eyes.

Declan put his arms around his sister. Another crying spell. Sometimes Fiona just started crying for no particular reason. It seemed that she started to think about something and then feel really sad. Declan never questioned what she was thinking about either.

The moment Declan's arms were around her Fiona's tears spilled over.

Declan patted her back and held her close to him.

"It's alright Fi." he whispered into her ear.

She cried so hard her whole body shook.

"You're alright, you're ok." he whispered again.

After a few more minutes of violent sobbing Fiona looked up, at Declan.

"You're the gr-greatest brother." she said, still softly crying.

"You're the greatest sister." he quietly replied, his arms were still around her.

"N-no I'm not." Fiona replied.

"What would make you think that?" Declan asked, seriously wondering what _would_ make her think that.

"Every two, m-minutes I start bawling and... and you have to stop every th-thing you're doing to help me." Fiona whispered.

"That's no problem, I don't mind helping you out." Declan replied, looking down at his sister.

"And you d-don't mind having to sit with me until I f-fall asleep?" Fiona asked.

"Of course not, Fi."

"And you don't mind me waking you up early in the morning because of my nightmares?" Fiona whispered.

"No, Fiona, I don't." Declan said, hugging his sister tightly.

"You don't?" Fiona asked, as if she didn't believe him.  
"Would I lie to you?" Declan asked.

Fiona rested her head on Declan's shoulder.

"Thank you, Decs." she whispered.


	48. Second or Third

Declan started to pack before Holly J came in holding her cell phone. "My mom wants to meet us at the park, to talk about some stuff." she said.

"She does? Ok... when?" Declan asked.  
"Now." Holly J answered.

"_Right_ now?" Declan asked.  
"Yes." Holly J said.

Declan pulled on a clean shirt that wasn't wrinkled.

"Fi, we're meeting Holly J's mom at the park, get ready." Declan said to Fiona, who was in her room, across the hall.

"I don't feel well." Fiona answered.

Declan walked into her room, carefully dodging pieces of broken glass.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I just feel sick." Fiona said.

"Do I need to stay home?" Declan questioned.

"No... I'm fine." Fiona said.  
"You sure?" Declan asked.

"Yeah." Fiona answered.

"Need me to pick something up for you?" Declan asked.

"No thanks." Fiona said.

"Alright, Fi, call me if you need anything." Declan said.

"I will." Fiona answered.

Declan kissed her hand and walked out the door.

A few minutes later Fiona heard the door bell ring. Without thinking she walked downstairs and opened the door, thinking that Declan had forgotten something and locked himself out. It wasn't Declan.

"Hello, Fifi, I saw Declan and Holly J leave, but not you, thought you might be lonely." Bobby said.

Fiona stared at him, almost unable to breath. He walked over and put his arm around her.

"What's wrong Fifi?" he asked in his sweetest voice.

Fiona pulled away from him and ran as fast as she could up the stairs. She saw Bobby following her and quickly ran back down them. Her last 'trip' down the stairs was very painful.

He caught her by the arm and pulled her close to him. He didn't hurt her. She was afraid that he would have though.

"I've been taking medicine to help me, Fiona. It'll be different." he said, his arm around her again.

She stared ahead, trying to pretend as if she wasn't there.

"Fiona... are you listening?" he asked.

She didn't answer, she had her eyes closed and was trying to be somewhere else, anywhere else.

"Fiona?" he asked, his voice rising.

Fiona opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't find her voice.

"Fifi, listen to me!" he said, his grip on her shoulders tightening.

"I-I am." she croaked.

"I've been taking medicine to calm me down, it'll be perfect, if you'll play along." Bobby said, kissing Fiona's neck.

"Bobby, get out of my h-house." Fiona whispered.

"I'm _not_ going to do that!" Bobby screamed, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her against the wall so hard that a picture fell off and shattered to the ground.

"Bobby... I thought y-you were taking medicine." Fiona choked out, trying not to make him angry again.

"I am, Fifi." Bobby said, "I am... but you need to listen to me."

"Bobby, get off!" Fiona said, trying to duck under his arms that were pinning her inbetween him and the wall.

"Fiona, you have to listen!" Bobby said.

Fiona ducked under him and started to run away but Bobby caught her by the arm and slammed her onto the couch and crawled ontop of her.

"Bobby get off." Fiona said, she meant to say it as a scream, it was more of a shakey whisper that was drowned by sobs.

Bobby didn't listen and began kissing her.

"It's getting hot in here." Bobby whispered, opening a condem.

"Bobby, no, stop!" Fiona struggled. No matter how much she screamed no one did anything.

An hour later Bobby got off of her, threw her torn clothes ontop of her and said "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you, and Declan."

Fiona closed her eyes tightly, trying and failing to pretend that nothing had happened tonight.

"I'll be back later, Fiona. You'd better not try to get away." he walked out the door and slammed it shut.

She quickly put her clothes back on, walked upstairs, took them off again and found clean ones. She looked at her clothes that were now wripped, and shoved them under her bed, she leaned against the wall and started crying. She'd let it happen again. Again. Again. Again. It kept replaying in her mind. She haden't called Declan. No, she couldn't have, she was stupid enough to break her phone. She was stupid enough to not have went with Declan and Holly J. She was stupid enough to let Bobby in. She was stupid for so many reasons. His scent, the feeling of him was stronger then ever on her now.

She pulled on her clothes and walked outside and to the store. She scanned the isle for what she was looking for, she was crying so loudly a man walked over to her.

"Miss, are you ok?" he asked, staring at her with great concern. He was an older man, old enough to be her father.

She stared at him, with tears streaming down her face.

"Miss?" he asked, lightly touching her shoulder. She flinched and backed away.

"Do you need help?" the man asked.

She stared up at him and realized that he wouldn't leave until she responded.

She shook her head no.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She nodded her head and grabbed the morning after pill quickly and took it to the check out counter.

She hung her head down low, she didn't want anyone seeing her now.

When she looked up to hand the man the money, he gave her a critical look, she quickly looked back down. Even strangers knew she was stupid.

She walked home and took the pill. Saying she felt sick was an understatement.

She sat on the couch until Declan came home, he was laughing with Holly J, but when he saw Fiona he quickly frowned.

"What's wrong, do you feel that sick?" he asked.

Fiona stared into her brother's eyes.

"Do you need medicine?" Declan asked.

Fiona had tears in her eyes, she found it impossible to say anything.

"Fi, are you ok? Do you need to go to the doctor?" Declan questioned, great concern and care was showing through his eyes.

She started crying loudly, she turned over and burried her face in the couch, she realized it smelled like Bobby and quickly got up, bumping into Holly J who was holding Ellie and watching, very concerned.

She layed on the other couch and rolled over, her back facing everyone else.

"Fiona, talk to me." Declan said, walking over and kneeling beside her. When she didn't respond he lightly touched her shoulder. She flinched. She'd never been afraid of her brother's touch before.

Declan sat beside his sister, he didn't ask her anything else.

"I'm going to put Ellie to sleep." Holly J whispered. Declan nodded and Holly J started up the stairs.

Fiona could smell him, and hear him everywhere. His voice was in her mind, always.

"Fiona... please tell me." Declan said quietly.

Fiona wanted to tell him but she knew he'd think she was stupid. He'd ask her why she let him in, how she could let him do this to her _again_... he'd ask her many questions she couldn't answer. He would know how stupid she was, and he would hate her.

Declan didn't say anything for awhile when she didn't reply.

"Do you want to be alone?" he asked quietly.

She wanted nothing _less_ than to be alone. He always came for her when she was alone.

She didn't say anything, she couldn't. Declan started to get up but she weakly reached up and grabbed his hand. He sat back down and held her hand. She held on so tightly it almost hurt.

"What ever it is, I won't be mad." Declan said.

Fiona turned over and faced her brother.

"What happened to your eye?" he asked her, anger growing inside of him. But Fiona wouldn't have let Bobby back in, of course. She rarely opened the door to people she _did_ like. Let alone those who she hated.

"I walked into..." Fiona stopped, what was the use?

Declan took a deep breath. "What really happened, Fiona?" he asked.

She didn't answer.  
"Come sit by me." Fiona whispered.

Declan looked at his sister, and slowly got up and sat beside her. She layed her head on his lap.

"Decs, I'm stupid." Fiona whispered.

"Why would you say that?" he asked quietly.

Fiona paused, she didn't know how Declan would respond to what she did. She had just been so dumb.

"I let Bobby in." she whispered.

Declan almost said 'You did what?' but knew it would upset her. That wasn't the thing to say.

"Did he hurt you?" Declan asked, as calm as he could make his upset voice sound. After he said it he realized how stupid it was. She had a black eye, of course he hurt her. A better question would be '_How much_ did he hurt you?"

A flashback came, and Fiona could hear and feel everything again. She'd never had flashbacks like this before. Never. They'd never been this bad.

"What did he do to you, Fi?" Declan asked, starting to make guesses he hoped weren't correct.

"Don't be mad. Don't be mad. Don't be mad." Fiona whispered over and over again through her tears.

"I won't be mad Fi." Declan said, "I promise I won't be mad."

Fiona continued to cry.

"Fiona, please tell me, I want to help." Declan said.

"I let it happen again." Fiona whispered so quietly that Declan almost couldn't tell what she was saying.

"What happened Fiona?" Declan asked wondering if she just mean she got hit or something far worse.

Declan suddenly caught a glimpse of a small box sitting on the end table by the other couch. He struggled to read what it said 'EC-Emergancy con...' be couldn't read the rest. He pondered over it for a few seconds before realizing what it was.

He cuddled his sister closer to him. She was crying so hard her whole body was shaking.

"Oh, Fi, it's ok. We'll get through ok... we'll get through this together." he whispered to her.

Holly J came down stairs again and looked at Declan and Fiona for a few seconds.

"Do you need anything?" she asked quietly.

"Fi? Do you want a glass of water or something?" Declan asked.

She didn't answer, she was physically unable to answer. Her stomach heaved and ached everytime she cried, but she couldn't stop crying. She felt she was dirty. She was already dirty. She'd been used like this for a year. She shouldn't be feeling so bad that it happened again. It was stupid. She was being a baby.

Declan shook his head, "No... we don't need anything, thanks." he said.

Fiona stared at Declan.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

"Don't be sorry, Fi...Don't be sorry." Declan told her, hugging her tighter.

"Are you cold?" he asked, noticeing she was shivering.

She didn't answer so he pulled a blanket around her.

"We'll try to move soon, ok, Fi... we'll move as soon as possible." Declan told her.

"We can't." Fiona whispered.

"We have to Fi." Declan said.

"He'll hurt us if we do." Fiona said, suddenly, able to talk more then just a few words.

"He won't hurt you, I won't let him." Declan said, holding his sister closer. She was more upset then she had even been. The first time this had happened to her, she had kept to herself. Declan haden't noticed, he felt bad he haden't noticed too. But he haden't seen her like this before. It scared him more than anything ever had.

"He said th-that if I told anyone that he'd kill me... a-and you... he said if we moved..." Fiona started but stopped and started to cry.

"What will he do to you if we _stay_, Fi? Think about that." Declan said, holding on to her, as if she would break, or if he let go she'd disapear.

Fiona curled into a tighter ball, closer to Declan and closed her eyes. Stop, rewind, play, stop rewind, play. It kept flashing through her mind. She opened them again and looked up at Declan who was obviously trying to hide that he was upset.

**-I felt the chapters were getting a bit boring, so I decided to make something dramatic happen. So, I did. I didn't have any of this planned when I wrote. Actually, at first I planned for Logan to be at the door. Wow, what a difference! I hope you liked it. It's WAY longer then the normal chapters. I couldn't find a stopping point!-**


	49. Idiotic and Naive

Declan had fell asleep a while ago, but Fiona couldn't, no matter how much she tried. All she could think about was how _stupid_ she was. She let Bobby in. She was so stupid, just asuming it was Declan. If it was Declan he would have used his key, not rang the doorbell. She should try thinking for once.

Declan couldn't even make her feel safe anymore. His arms that were wrapped tightly around her hardly made anything any better.

Fiona jumped when she saw Holly J. She had been thinking, and was zoned out.

"I noticed you were awake." Holly J said to her.

Fiona barely glanced at her before staring back ahead, she felt like a zombie, something not living, mindless, just _there_. Perhaps like a jellyfish. They have no brain, thought, but they're alive.

"I put your... uh, your medicine on the counter next to the microwave." Holly J said. It crossed Fiona's mind, that this meant Holly J knew now. She was completly embarassed, and Holly J could tell.

"I don't think any less of you, you know." Holly J said, "If that happens to someone, it just means they're a strong person."

Fiona avoided her eyes. How could Holly J not think any less of her? She was stupid.

"You should eat something, you know." Holly J said quietly, "Or at least drink something."

Fiona looked away, trying to see what time it was. As if it mattered, she looked away and stared back into space.

"It's 3:59." Holly J said, as if she could read Fiona's mind. It would have been hectic if she could. Fiona's thoughts were so jumbled right now.

Holly J got up and returned with glass of water.

"I melted some ice in the microwave for you, I know how you like that." Holly J said as she held out the water to her friend.

Fiona stared at it for a few minutes and then looked back up at Holly J, as if to say "You seriously expect me to want to do _anything_?"

"Please, Fi." Holly J said. _Fi_ -That was something that only Declan had ever called her. Only bestfriends could call her that.

Fiona stared at the water with tiny chunks of ice still unmelted.

She took it and sat up, which was hard because it ached to move, and Declan was holding onto her tight. She took the glass. It seemed so heavy. It made her hand shake. Holly J reached over and placed her hand over Fiona's and pressing her fingers down to help hold it. Fiona took one sip before trying to push the glass away.

"Drink a little more." Holly J persuaded.

Fiona shook her head but Holly J was very persistant. Fiona took another drink.

"Are you going to report it this time?" Holly J asked.

Fiona stared at Holly J for a few seconds before crawling back into Declan's arms. Even though he was asleep he automatically wrapped his arms around her.

"I just want to help you, Fiona." Holly J said.

Fiona didn't respond.

"Trust me?" Holly J asked, holding out her hand to Fiona.

Fiona stared at it for a few seconds, and reached out slowly and grabbed onto it. Holly J smiled.

Fiona tugged on her hand and slowly got off of the couch.

"Where are you going?" Holly J asked her.

"To take a shower." Fiona whispered.

"If you're going to report it, you shouldn't do that." Holly J said.

"I'm not going to." Fiona whispered.

"You arent? Uh... ok, Fiona. Are you sure?" Holly J asked.

Fiona nodded.

Holly J looked unsure as Fiona walked into the bathroom.

After a few minutes, Declan woke up feeling all around him. "Where's Fiona?" he asked quickly.

"She's taking a shower." Holly J said.

Declan's face relaxed a bit.  
"Did she tell you anything?" he asked.

"Not really." Holly J answered, sitting down on the couch.

Declan was silent, he had his head in his hands.  
"I shouldn't have let her stay here." he whispered.

"What do you mean?" Holly J asked.

"This happened again, because I _let_ it happen. It happened the first time because I let it happen. I need to take better care of her." Declan said, close to tears.

"It's no one's fault but Bobby's, Declan." Holly J stated simply.

Declan looked up at her, his face tear stained.

"I feel so bad!" he said.

"But it _isn't_ your fault."

"I could have prevented it, does that make it 'not my fault'? Huh?" Declan asked.

"Declan..." Holly J began, she could tell it was not going to be at all easy to reason with him about this.

"He could have _killed _her!" Declan said.  
"But... he _didn't_." Holly J reminded him.

"He _hurt_ her, he punched her and raped her, -_twice_." Declan declared.

"But _you_ didn't hurt her. She wanted to be at home last night."  
"So it's _her _fault?" Declan asked, looking up at Holly J with rage in his eyes.

"No, it's not. It's _Bobby's _fault, Declan." Holly J said calmly.

Declan was quiet for a few minutes.

"What if she needs my help right now?" Declan asked suddenly. All thoughts that Declan was doing a good job keeping his cool vanished from Holly J's mind. He was only calm when he needed to be, around Fiona.

"She's taking a _shower_, Declan." Holly J said, placing her hand on his shoulder.

In the shower, Fiona had a washcloth and was trying to get the smell, the feeling, any tiny trace of him off. It wasn't working. Using Declan's shampoo didn't work, Holly J's didn't either, she poured all of their shampoos and conditioners on her. There was no soap left in the shower. The water was so hot it was reddening her skin, but she didn't care. It felt as if she was rubbing _off_ her skin. Surely if a few layers of her skin were gone, she wouldn't _smell_ like him anymore.

She reached into the cabbinet and got Ellie's cotton candy bubble bath and poured it on her. It didn't help either. Nothing did. She could sense that he was watching her, laughing at her.

'You have no control of anything, not even your own body.'

With no more soap left in the bathroom, Fiona opened the shower drawer and grabbed her tooth brush. She scrubbed her skin with it, it didn't work either. She sat under the hot water and cried. The water slowly got cooler and eventually, she was sitting under freezing water. She didn't feel any different then she had when she had started.

"She should be out by now, she's going to freeze herself!" Declan said, about to get up from the couch.

"I'll go get her, ok? You just relax... calm down." Holly J said, heading up the stairs.

She stopped outside the bathroom door. "Fiona... you need to get... don't use all the hot water." Holly J said, trying not to sound so over ruling.

Holly J waited a few minutes, "Fiona... please get out of the shower."

What was the use? She couldn't make it go away anyway. She turned off the water and dried off. She got dressed and opened the door.

Seeing Holly J standing there so worried was strange. Holly J was _never_ worried.

Fiona stood in the door way. She was crying again... or did she never stop crying? It was so normal for her to be crying now.

Holly J took her hand.

"Declan really wants to see you." Holly J said.

Fiona froze in her place. Was Declan going to yell at her for being stupid? Was he going to tell her that she deserved it, that it taught her a lesson? She already knew all this, even though no one else would tell her, she knew they thought it.

Holly J held her hand as they walked down the stairs. Fiona was shivering. It was so cold.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Declan got up and hugged his sister.

"Fiona, I'm so sorry, Fi. I'm sorry, this is all my fault." he said. Fiona stared at him without speaking. It was _his _fault? Quite the opposite, she thought.

He led her to the couch and sat down beside her. His arms around her. He almost thought, that if he let go, something would happen again. She'd be hurt, run away, maybe vaporize into air.

She was shivering so badly, so Declan pulled a few blankets over her. Holly J sat by her feet. Fiona still didn't feel safe. It was comforting, that Declan wanted to help so much, and that he didn't yell at her for being dumb. She had so much thought he would.

Fiona was cuddled up so close to Declan that she was practically sitting on his lap. He didn't mind at all.

Sometimes Fiona would just stare ahead. Sometimes she'd start crying very hard and she was constantly shivering. Holly J got an electric heat blanket, but the shivering was partly out of fear, so it didn't help much at all.

Every so often Holly J would ask, "Do you need something?" or make her drink some water. She started making Declan drink some too, he was just as refusing as Fiona was.

"How come _you_ aren't drinking any fucking water?" Declan asked after the fourth or fifth time she lifted the glass to his mouth.

Holly J stared at him for a few seconds and went into the kitchen and returned with her own glass of water and a headache pill.

At about eight AM the door bell rang, which scared Fiona to no end. She started crying and clutching Declan's shirt. She was completly in fear of almost every sound, or movement.

"Fiona, calm down. I'll look out the window and if it's him, I won't let him in, it won't be him either. It's probably just the mailman or something." Holly J said, getting up from the coffee table she was sitting on.

She looked out the window, but couldn't clearly see who it was. A man... with darker hair... darker then Bobby had, she thought. She wasn't completly sure though so she wated for the man to turn around. She wouldn't dare let anyone in without knowing _exactly_ who they were.

The man turned around and Holly J opened the door.

"Hello, Logan." she said.

"Hi, is Fiona home?" Logan asked, sounding rather sheepish.

"Well... she's _here_, I'm not sure if her mind is... if she'd want any visitors."

"Should I go then?" Logan asked, sounding disapointed.

Holly J glanced over at Fiona. "I... I don't know. Come in... and we'll see." she said.

Logan walked in and saw Fiona, curled against her brother, so desprate for something good, _anything_.

"Is she sick?" Logan asked in a whisper to Holly J.

Holly J stared at him, "She uh... last night she felt a little... ill."

"Last night? It looks as if she still is, 'a little ill'." Logan said.

"I won't tell you what happened, you'll have to ask her. She might not be willing to tell you either." Holly J said, sitting down in the couch that for some reason Fiona has been avoiding. Holly J wondered why. She ponderd it for a few minutes before she _really_ thought about it. The thought of what happened on that couch sickened her so much she covered up her mouth to keep from vomiting right in front of everyone. She got up off the couch and pulled it out the door, and pushed it down the porch steps.

Logan looked at her with a questioning look and returned his gaze to Fiona.

"Perhaps, I should come back later." he said.

"That might be best." Declan answered.

"Goodbye, Fiona." Logan said, reaching over to give Fiona a pat on the arm, or something reassureing.

Declan grabbed Logan's arm before he could touch her.

"_Don't touch_ her." Declan said, or rather growled.

Logan looked into Declan's eyes for a brief moment before walking back out of the couch rubbing his arm. For someone who could be so rough, he was so gentle around his sister.

Fiona stared ahead through the whole time Logan was there. She flinched when Logan reached out for her, but that was it. She didn't know if Declan would have almost snapped Logan's arm if she haden't flinched.

"I want to take a shower." Fiona stated meekly.

"The water probably isn't warm yet." Declan said quietly.

Fiona got up and tried to walk away from him but Declan followed her.  
"Fiona... you're going to be cold... please don't." Declan said, his voice quaking like her's so often did.

Fiona looked back at her brother, who looked like he was hurting almost as much as she was. He had her hand and his eyes were pleading her to stay with him. What was wrong with him? He wasn't the one who this happened to. She was. He looked like he was so scared, and sad as she was, so she stayed. Taking a shower wouldn't even help, and she knew it.

"You should go to the doctor." Declan told her.

She looked at him, "No...he...h-he wore a condem." she said, but it was like saying that a child wouldn't have stole a cookie because the child dislikes cookies.

"Fiona... that doesn't mean you were one hundred percent safe." Declan told her, holding her tightly against him again. "I read..." Declan swallowed, "I read that the best thing to do afterwards is to go get medical help."

Fiona wondered when Declan was searching this, and then thought of the _first_ time. There was a _first_ and _second_ time. The second time was so far worse.

"I can't Decs." Fiona said, finding her voice again.

"Fi, please." Declan said.

"Declan they'll want to touch me... and..." Fiona stopped.

"They won't touch you in a bad way, Fi, they want to help." Holly J said. _Fi_ -There it was again, the 'bestfriend only' name. Maybe Holly J was a best friend. I guess she was.

Fiona crossed her arms over her chest, absolutely refusing.

"Please Fiona, what if that dirty bastard has something, he could give it to you!" Declan exclaimed.

Fiona still refused.

"Declan... she'll go someday, right now she isn't quite ready." Holly J said.

Fiona hated it when people said this, that she wasn't _ready_. She wasn't ready to do this yet, she wasn't emotionally ready, or physically ready... the list went on.

Declan held Fiona closer.

"But you could get hurt." he whispered.

"Give her time." Holly J said. Ellie started crying and Holly J went upstairs to get her.

When Holly J was gone, Fiona took a deep breath.

"I w-want to tell you." she said in a small voice.

"Tell me what?" Declan asked, feeling genuinely scared.

"I want to tell you what happened." Fiona whispered. She wondered if all those papers Declan had printed months ago were even true. They had said telling someone the story would help. Fiona had pretended not to read them. But on nights when she couldn't get herself to sleep she had read... just to have something to do.

Declan didn't understand _why_ his sister told him everything in every little detail, from how it felt to the smell of Bobby... to what she was thinking. It killed him to hear her say all these things. He didn't really _want _to hear this. It discusted him, and disturbed him, and made him feel angry at Bobby... scared for his sister.

The whole time he didn't express these feelings though, he just watched and listened. If he acted scared or disturbed, she'd probably feel the same way, only worse. So he tried his best to keep quiet, and just listen.

He was surprised at how she could even tell him all this. She was so much more brave, then anyone he'd ever known. He told her that, and she gave him a tiny, sad smile before continueing the story.

The whole time Declan held her close to him. At certain parts of the story, he could even feel her heart quicken it's beat. When she was done, she completly avoided his eyes. He was probably ashamed of her, embarassed to be with her. When she looked up at him he was staring down at her.

"Does it feel better now?" he asked her.

She stared into his eyes.

"Maybe... maybe just a little." she whispered.

"Good, if you want to talk about anything else, then I'm here." Declan told her.

She gave him a small smile and closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep.


	50. Dust

Fiona was surprised when she woke up. She didn't know why. She was surprised that she was even able to go to sleep, but waking up was a completly matter. She didn't know what she thought would happen to her instead of waking up. Maybe shriveling up into dust... she might even prefer that.

She'd never felt so bad... ever. But telling Declan exactly what happened helped, it kind of made it easier for him to understand...she guessed.

Ellie was watching cartoons sitting on the floor by the couch. Fiona reached down and touched her shoulder.

Ellie laughed and looked at her aunt, handing her a lego.

"This is a yellow lego." Fiona said, she was trying to teach Ellie colors.

"Hurt?" Ellie asked with a curious look on her face.

"Where does it hurt, El?" Fiona asked.

Ellie pointed to her eye.

"Your eye hurts?" Fiona asked.

Ellie pointed at Fiona.

Fiona then understood, Ellie was pointing to _her _black eye. She paused for a moment, staring at her little niece.

Finally she said "Yes... Ellie, that hurts." She handed the lego back to Ellie and sat back up on the couch.

Fiona had just noticed that the couch that normally faced this one was gone... the couch that she had been on when... she pushed the thought out of her mind. She couldn't help wondering how the couch 'disapeared.' Declan haden't left her side, and Holly J wouldn't really have the time or mind to move a whole couch for just that reason... would she? Maybe she would.

Fiona admired her brother so much. If he had told her something, so personal, and sickening, she didn't know if she'd would have been able to listen through the whole thing, even more so if Declan had been bawling and barely able to get the words out. But Declan was great. He listened the whole time, looking straight into her eyes and knew exaclty when she needed him to hug her tighter and make her feel better.

_Replay._ The whole thing flashed through her mind, she shut her eyes tight and wrapped Declan's arms around her, he was asleep so she had to hold them in place for awhile.

Declan woke up a few minutes later.

"Hey, Fi." he said quietly.

"Hi, Decs." she answered back in the same quiet tone.

"Are you alright... as of now?" he asked, knowing that sometimes she'd seem perfectly fine and other times she'd seem horribly sad and frightened.

"No." Fiona answered, her voice shakey.

Declan pulled her closer to him. "Tell me if you ever need anything ok, or just want to talk, or want me to be with you." he told her.

She nodded, and smiled at him, it wasn't a real smile, of course- she didn't even know how to do that anymore. The smile was more for him to feel better, then for her.

The door bell rang and Fiona was even more clingy, grasping on to Declan as if he was holding her above a firey pit.

"Just wait, Fi, we'll see who it is and then decide whether to let him or her in." Declan said, getting up. Fiona clasped onto his arm tightly.

"It's Logan." Declan said, "Shall we let him in? I won't let him in if you don't want me to."

Fiona thought for a second and nodded, indicating she wanted Logan to come in. Declan didn't seem to like this idea but let him in anyway. It wasn't that he disliked Logan as much as he was embarassed for his little 'Don't touch her!' outbreak.

Declan opened the door and Logan came in. "Is Fiona feeling better?" he asked.

"A little, she told me to let you in." Declan said.

Logan walked over and sat by Fiona, they glanced at each other every so often.  
"Are you ok?" Logan asked. Declan sat on the long coffee table. Holly J had went crazy and threw the other couch out of the house, so if he wanted to observe his sister, he didn't _completly_ trust Logan, he'd sit there.

Fiona nodded.

"What do you have?" Logan asked.

Have? What does she have? Fiona pondered this, then remembered Logan thought she was sick.

"I'm not sick." Fiona stated.

"What's wrong?"

Fiona had had the courage to tell Declan the whole story, in detail but she couldn't bring herself to tell Logan at all.

Seeing that Fiona was having difficulties saying what was wrong, and really anything, Logan said "I don't need to know."

He put his arm around her and she held her breath. '_Logan won't hurt you._' she told herself, it was hard to believe.

Declan tried to keep himself calm. "Don't _touch_ my _sister_." he said.

Logan withdrew his arm, starting to wonder why Declan was being _this_ protective, and why Fiona was acting the way she was.

Fiona, zoning out again, stared ahead. She'd felt uncomfortable when Logan put his arm around her but when he quickly lifted it off she zoomed back into her own little world.

She started thinking back to when she and Declan were twelve. They had went to the fair and rode on the zipper. Declan had gone on it tons of times with his friends, Fiona never wanted to go though. She was a little scared. Declan asked her why and she said:

_"I just get queezy when I go up high... I'm not scared." Fiona said.  
"I know you don't get queezy very easily, Fi." Declan said, pushing her further in the line._

_Finally they were the first in line and hustled into a small cage type thing._

_They went around and around, Fiona screaming, scared to death. Declan laughed at her until he looked over and saw that she was crying. He reached over with his free hand, he had to hold on to the grip bars with the other and put his hand on her arm. He scooted closer. "It's almost over, Fi." he said quietly._

_Fiona had looked completly tramatized._

_"How many times have you rode it?" Fiona whispered.  
"More times then you've rode all these rides combined." Declan said, "And nothing bad has ever happened."  
When the ride stopped Fiona and Declan were stuck at the top while the bottom passengers were being let off._

_"Is it broken?" Fiona asked, tears streaming down her face. Her legs were tensed trying to hold herself in place and her hands tightly held onto the bars in front of her._

_"No, it's not, it's over, they just have to get us off." Declan said._

_"I'm not scared." Fiona said._

_"I know." Declan answered._

_When they let them out Fiona shrugged, wiping away her tears quickly, "Wasn't that bad." she said, "And not nearly as scary as I thought it would be."_

_"Want to go again?" Declan asked._

_"Uh... don't you want to go on the ferris wheel instead? We haven't been on it yet." Fiona said, her eyes pleading.  
"Of course... I don't like the zipper anyway." Declan replied. Fiona knew that Declan's favorite ride was the zipper. _

_"Are you sure?" Fiona asked._

_"Fi, you saw how much I hated that ride." Declan said._

_"You didn't hate it." Fiona said._

_"Half of me did." Declan said._

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"You didn't like it." Declan said, "And you're the other half of me, I'm not happy if you aren't."_

_He stepped onto the ferris wheel and sat down beside her._

Fiona looked up, and realized that Logan was gone now.

She didn't think much of it. She glanced up at Declan... but he wasn't sitting beside her. She glanced all around the room and couldn't find him.

She got up and ran around the house frantically and crying until she saw him walk out of the bathroom, his hair wet.

She wrapped her arms around him. He looked down at her, obviously a little surprised.

"Where'd you go?" she sobbed.

"To try to take a shower, Fi." Declan said, his arms around his sister. _Try_, he wondered how _all _of the soap could have disapeared.

She held onto him so tightly he thought she'd squeeze him in half.

"Logan left an hour ago, I saw you were asleep and decided it would be a good time to shower." Declan said. Fiona haden't realized she had fallen asleep. That might have been why her flashback about the fair was so real... seeming like she was there again, like a dream. She still didn't like to ride the zipper.

"Remember that time when I rode the zipper?" Fiona asked suddenly.

"Yes, I do, Fi." Declan said, "You were really brave."

Fiona looked up at Declan.  
"I was bawling like a baby." she said.

"But you totally went on that ride... and we were only twelve." Declan said.

Fiona smiled a little. Only twelve was a good age. They thought they had all these 'big kid' problems. So much homework, crushes, fashion sense was kicking in. They actually _wanted_ problems then. Fiona had watched a movie, about a girl who's boyfriend isolated her... he didn't ever physically hurt her though and the way people fussed over the girl on the show Fiona thought, _'Someday, if I have a boyfriend like that, Declan and Daddy... they'd teach him a lesson, and I'd be able to say that I was in an abusive relationship, and people would think I was brave, and great.' _She wished it would happen to her, and believing in wishes as she did at that time she said "No physical stuff involved." at the very end. Wishes don't work perfectly.

She was so naive. You don't wish for things like that... you just don't. It's stupid, and a bit insulting. A long time ago, she'd given up on wishes... they were just thoughts... no one but she knew about them. Now she wondered if wishes did come true... and some type of wish machine didn't get the 'order' correctly... and it was her fault.

Out of no where a flashback happened, of Bobby. This one seemed to be like a picture book. 'Smack next page, Bobby's cold hands next page, being slammed onto the couch next page, pain, fear, threats, next page., the door slamming, next page the man in the store, next page, Declan coming home next page.' Then a complete replay. Stop, rewind, replay. Pause -pain, play, stop, rewind, play, pause -Bobby's face...

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Decs, talk to me." she whispered, hoping Declan's voice would bring her out of this nightmareish flashback.

Declan was silent, after a few seconds he said "Ok... Fiona... what do you want me to talk about?"

Fiona didn't answer, she was crying.

"Remember our fifth birthday?" Declan asked, trying to say anything.

"Remember our party? But, mom and dad couldn't be there. So we were at Jordan's house. Remember Jordan? He had this weird fruit punch... and you thought it was watermellon kiwi, but I thought it was lemon lime, but it was really apple and orange juice mixed. Remember?"

Fiona smiled a little, "Yeah... and you were really mad." she said.

"Uh huh... and you were mad that the cake had big bird from sesame street on it... you said it was babyish."

Fiona's crying had softened. "You weren't too pleased yourself."

Declan smiled at his sister and held her closer to him. He liked remembering when they were little. Fun things never happened to them anymore. Regular things never happened to them anymore. Only bad things, Fiona... mostly had the worst things happen, and she was his second half... so he wasn't happy either.

When Fiona's crying had stopped almost completly, Declan held her hand and led her into his bedroom. She looked at him, as if to say 'I haven't needed to do this for the past two weeks.'

"I thought... you might want to sleep with Holly J and I... I mean..." Declan stopped, not wanting to bring up anymore.

Fiona smiled a little, on the outside. On the inside she was completly annoyed with herself. Back to block one.

As soon as Fiona layed down, Ellie started crying and Holly J began to get up.

"No... it's ok, I'll but her to sleep." Declan said, since he haden't lied down yet.

Fiona rolled over, facing Holly J.

"What... what did Bobby say to you?" Holly J asked carefully.

Fiona looked at her. "W-what did he _say_ to me?" she asked.

"Never mind, I'm sorry, you just looked scared that he'd come back... each time, ecpessially after Declan and I knew... -I was just wondering if he said something to you... you know." Holly J said, wishing she haden't said anything.

"No... just... just ask Declan ok?" Fiona said. When Holly J looked at her strangely she quietly said "I told him... everything."

Holly J reached over and put her hand ontop of Fiona's. Fiona pulled away... then smiled a tiny bit, putting her hand back by Holly J's.

"That's good." Holly J said.

"Good?"

"Yeah... it's a good idea. Everyone online says so." Holly J said, her cheeks turning red afterwards, she'd been up the other night, trying to see what advice she should give Fiona... what she should and shouldn't say. She didn't follow the 'rules' completly though.

Declan came in and layed by Fiona. "Tell me if you need me." he said, closing his eyes.

It felt like he'd been asleep for a second before Fiona lightly shook his arm.

"I need you." she whispered. Glancing at the clock he saw he'd been asleep for almost an hour.

Declan rolled over to face her again. "Did you go to sleep at all?" he asked.

She shook her head no.

Declan put his arms around her and hummed. He'd never used this technique with Fiona before... Ellie, he used it with mostly, even then, barely because Ellie was very easily put back to sleep, while Fiona was not.

It was an old tune that would play from a small box that their great grandmother had left them. It was something Fiona had loved for a long, long time when she was little. She'd twist the nob over and over and then open the box so the tune would play. One day, she was twisting the nob and it broke off. The box never played the music again and Fiona seemed to have instantly forgot the tune, she was so upset. Declan had merley smiled. He hated the repetitive tune.

"How do you remember that?" Fiona asked in a whisper.

"You played it so often... it was the background to most car trips, and TV shows if I didn't yell at you enough." Declan said, stopping the tune for only long enough to say that sentence and then beginning to hum again.

"I forgot it." Fiona whispered.

"I never will." Declan whispered back.

Fiona was silent for a few more minutes while Declan hummed the tune. When he was done going over the song for the fifth or sixth time, Fiona spoke.

"What did Logan say?" she asked.

"He was very worried about you. He asked if Bobby came back. He asked if you were mad at him." Declan said.  
"What did you tell him?" Fiona asked.

"I told him he'd have to talk to you about it, I didn't know if you'd want him to know."

"You're good, Decs." Fiona said, smileing softly.

"I'm what?" Declan asked.

"You're the best person I know. The one person I can _really_ trust. I'm so lucky to have you as a brother."

"I'm lucky to have you as a sister." Declan told her.

"No you aren't. You'd like it more if I was perfect. A virgin... one that has a perfect boyfriend... one that can sleep in her own bed."

"I could care less if you could sleep in your own bed, or if you were a virgin or not, Fiona. I'd rather that bastard stay away from my _perfect _sister though." Declan said with a sigh.

"I'm not _perfect_ Declan." Fiona stated.

"No kidding, I knew that, or else you'd be so boring I wouldn't be able to stand you. But you're perfect to me." Declan said.

Fiona wiped her eyes. "You can't possibly like having to always be with your sister... and having to wake her up every six minutes because she's having some...god awful... flashbacks..." speaking of them made them come this one was just the _smell_ of Bobby, it was every bit as bad as hearing his voice, or seeing him. When Declan pulled her closer to him they disapeared, for the most part.

"My favorite thing is to see my sister happy, so sitting with you on the couch, making you happier is one of the greatest things I can do." he told her.

She looked at him. "Really?"  
"Of course, I wouldn't lie to you, Fi." he said, wiping away one of her tears with his thumb. He started humming the tune and running his hand up and down her arms. Knowing that he was there sure seemed to help her, so he decided to help as much as possible, by indicating he was there.

Declan thought about right after it happened, he had wanted to hold Fiona close to him, but he tried not to. She flinched when other people walked toward her, so surely she didn't want anyone touching her. So he had just sat near her, backing away if she did anything that made him think she felt uncomfortable. He had been surprised when she asked him to sit with her. Then he saw she was scared of everyone else... except him, and it killed him to see her so sad and scared. So _small_. Small was a good word to describe it all.

That was why Declan was so angry when someone tried to touch her. It was Logan... and Holly J once when Fiona was asleep, they were the only ones who had been around her. If people touched her, he knew that it would make her feel worse. Worse then she already felt.

A few hours before when Fiona was asleep on the couch, Holly J had walked near her, after greeting Logan she reached down to brush hair from Fiona's face, it annoyed her to see hair strung over people's faces. Quicker then what Holly J thought was humanly possible, Declan had jumped up and stood between Holly J and Fiona an brushed the hair out of her face himself. Then he sat her up and sat beside her and layed her back down on his lap, like a starving dog gaurding food.

Holly J had stared at him strangely and then walked out of the room.

Declan looked down now, Fiona had fell asleep again, her fingers tightly grasping his shirt. He could tell that she was having a dream. Probably about Bobby. He almost wanted to wake her up... but she barely got any sleep, he was almost afraid to. She barely ate either. He made it up in his mind that in the morning he'd make her eat.

She woke him up again, a few hours later. "What if he thought I wanted it?" she asked.

"He didn't." Declan told her.

"He could have." Fiona insisted.

Declan looked at his sister.

"Could you even begin to tell me why he would think that?" he asked.

Fiona told him... and Declan could never have said he didn't know they were '_that' _close at any other time.

Declan, who was picturing this in his mind, involentarily, felt completly sick. When she was finished he stared at her for a minute, probably just a half a minute... it seemed like so much longer.

Declan almost didn't answer her... it was too awkward... but she'd go on thinking that she was wrong and that Bobby wasn't, and he couldn't let her think that.

"Our bodies..." he began, trying to push the image of his sister and Bobby out of his mind, "They were built to respond to things... and your feelings have nothing to do with our bodies... so if something... -like that happened... it doesn't mean you liked it, Fi." Declan said. "It's like if you scrape your knee, you can't control the bleeding, it's something the body does on it's own. Even if you hate the sight of blood."

Fiona sat crosslegged on the bed, staring down, trying to understand this. Declan went on and on.

He put on arm around her and gave her a little shake.

Fiona gave a small smile, that quickly faded, she was crying. Declan wanted to tell her 'No more stories about _that_.' but he couldn't. He needed to listen. He knew that... it was just a little... gross and awkward.

Declan grabbed a kleenex off of the end table and dabbed her eyes with it.

"Do you feel better now?" he asked her.

She nodded and layed back down in the bed, she'd been sitting up.

"Wake me up if you have anymore... questions... or just want to talk." Declan said, covering her and himself with the blankets.

Fiona woke up four more times that night... some were questions, that needed deep explaining, and some that just needed a simple answer, "I won't let that happen." was a very common one.


	51. Sleeping, Eating, Breathing

In the morning Declan let Fiona sleep, instead of waking her. He cooked breakfast, and when Fiona did wake up he told her _try_ and eat some. She took a bite of something... she didn't know what it was, Declan had cooked so many things she just grabbed something off the plate.

"Try to finish it." Declan said. Fiona stared down at what was some toast. She shoved the rest into her mouth, chewed and swallowed, then raised her eyebrows at Declan.

"Thanks, Fiona." he said.

Fiona walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Declan sat down beside her. They didn't say anything for awhile. Declan had a plate of eggs laying on his lap, so he was eating those, and Fiona was thinking, she did that a lot.

When Declan was done with his eggs he sat the plate down on the end table and took a drink of his orange juice.

He reached over and put his hand on his sister's. She jumped a little, glanced at Declan and went into a daze again.

"What if he really does hurt us if we move... what if he knows you know and he'll hurt me?" Fiona asked.

"He won't hurt you, I won't let him."

It used to be so easy to believe that... what Declan said, but over and over again she had gotten hurt anyway. But then again, she was so stubborn, wanting to take walks, stay home alone...

"If I wasn't so stupid and stuborn then this wouldn't have happened!" Fiona declared.

"Or... if Bobby would have not been a basterd this wouldn't have happened, Fi." Declan said, putting an arm around his sister.

Fiona shook her head, she disagreed.

"You told him you didn't want that. He hurt you on purpose, he likes it when you hurt. He's a lot bigger and stronger then you, physically. You couldn't have stopped him, but he could have stopped himself." Declan said.

Fiona was thinking about this, Declan could tell so he went on.

"You know, it's like if you see a small puppy and a big puppy competing for milk, the smaller one is obviously not going to get as much, but it's not it's fault."

Fiona sighed. Declan was right, maybe... she didn't know. She rested her head on his shoulder and thought about it.

"We've got to go to the store soon." Declan said.

"Why?" Fiona asked, her eyes wide. The thought of leaving the house scared her.

"We need to buy _soap_." Declan answered, looking at his sister with a half annoyed look.

Fiona didn't know which was worse, staying home alone, or going out... where Bobby was.

About and hour later they were walking out to the car, ready to go to the store. Fiona walked as close to Declan as she could, holding onto his arm, tripping over his feet.

She got in the car and sat in the back, tinted windows, no one would be able to see her.

"We'll try to hurry, Fi." Declan said.

Fiona was trembling in the back. Holly J saw this and held out her hand to Fiona, who took it.

When they got out Fiona walked practically ontop of Declan, again. She followed them in the store.

It was quick and before she knew it, Fiona was home again.

Fiona wanted to take a shower. Declan handed her a small bottle of shampoo, like the ones at hotels.

"You use too much otherwise." Declan explained.

Fiona walked upstairs and Holly J came down. Declan was sitting on the couch and Holly J sat beside him.  
"Feeling down?" she asked.

"Feeling disturbed." Declan answered.

"Why?"

"Fiona keeps telling me things... details about it... and it's just... just _sick." _Declan stated.

Holly J looked at him for a while before saying, "What do you say to her when she tells you those things?"

"I convince her that it's not her fault. I don't know why she keeps thinking that." Declan answered.

Holly J gave him a faint smile, "You're a good brother." she said.

"I wish she'd stop telling me those things... it's gross. I don't want to hear about her... having sex... and Bobby..."

"She trusts you a lot more then me, she won't even tell me what Bobby said, she said to ask you." Holly J said.

"He said that he'd kill her if she moved... or told anyone." Declan replied.

Holly J was silent. "Do you think he's telling the truth?" she finally asked.

"No. He isn't telling the truth, he's a big wimp, can't you see that?" Declan asked.

"Of course he isn't a good person, Declan, but if he could stand to hurt Fiona like he did, then what else could he do, Declan?" Holly J asked.

Declan looked at his girlfriend. "I'm going to go check on Ellie." he said, getting up.

Holly J sighed, when Declan got worried it was useless to talk to him.

Fiona had been in the shower for quite some time so Holly J went upstairs and knocked on the door.

"Are you ok in there?" she asked.

"Uh huh." Fiona answered.

"Ok, you're going to want to get out soon, though." Holly J told her.

"Uh huh." Fiona said.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Holly J asked.

"Yep." Fiona answered.

"Alright..." Holly J said unsurely.

Inside the bathroom Fiona was still trying to scrub off Bobby's scent, and was about to give up... for today... for this shower.

When she sprayed perfume on herself, it was easy to get it off. Just wash once. _Once_. But no matter how hard she tried she still smelled like him, could still feel his sweaty skin against her's.

The little bottle of shampoo that Declan gave her was already almost run out, and he and Holly J must have hid their own shampoo somewhere else. She couldn't find anything else. Giving up on getting the smell of him off of her, she grabbed the bottle of mouthwash and swooshed it in her mouth for a long time. Similar to the feeling of him ontop of her, and his skin... she could always feel his tongue being pushed into her mouth... kisses, he called them.

_"Give your honey a kiss, Fifi, so he'll know how much you love him."_

Bobby's words made her tremble.

_"Are you sad, Fifi? I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm sorry, I won't hit you again. I promise."_

Fiona turned of the water and dried off, and put on some clean clothes. She stared at herself in the mirror. She looked pitiful. Her eyes bloodshot... covered in bruises. She didn't know how it happened, but she looked so little. Insignificant.

_"Hold still and you'll be ok. It'll be a lot worse if you try to move."_

Bobby's voice... again. When he had said that, it was right before the _first_ time. He haden't said much the second time, there was just a lot of smacking and punching involved.

_"You're pitiful. Put your clothes back on, slut."_

Fiona looked at herself in the mirror. Bobby stood behind her, or so she thought.

_"What are you doing, Fifi? Staying 'strong'?"_

Fiona let out a loud cry and sunk to the ground, pulling her knees up and covering her face with her hands.

She heard Holly J's muffled voice, but couldn't make out what it said.

"Are you dressed?" Holly J asked... Fiona understood this time.

She nodded her head, but since she was on the otherside of the door, Holly J didn't see. Fiona opened her mouth to say something but a cry came instead.

"Knock on the door if I can come in." Holly J said.

Fiona slammed her hand against the door and Holly J walked in slowly.

"Fiona..." she began, kneeling down beside her friend. She put her arm around Fiona.

Fiona pushed it off and scooted away from Holly J.

"Should I get Declan?" Holly J asked quietly.

Fiona curled herself into a tiny ball in the corner of the room.

"Fiona?" Holly J asked.

"Just leave me alone, ok?" Fiona whispered.

"Fiona... let me help...or at least go somewhere other than the bathroom floor." Holly J said, holding out her hand to help Fiona up.

Fiona pushed it away, "I just w-want to be alone." she said, her voice shaking.

"Tell me if you need something." Holly J said as she got up.

Fiona sat in the bathroom leaning against the wall, wiping her eyes, and crying.

About an hour later Declan came in.

"Holly J told me you wanted to be alone and if you still want to be alone, then I'll go." he said.

"Declan... I can't g-get him off of m-me." Fiona whispered.

"He's not here, Fi." Declan said, sitting on the floor by his sister.

"I kn-know... but I can feel him on... ontop of me, and his skin pressed against m-mine... and his tongue in my m-mouth."

Declan was silent. He looked at his sister with caring eyes, but he didn't know what to do to make her feel better.

"A-and I feel like a slave." Fiona whispered. "I don't even have control over m-me anymore. Bobby does."

Declan realized that this was something he was just suposed to listen to.

"It feels like he's watching me, and I can hear him."

He reached for his sister's hand and held it tight.

"I know I should go to the doctor but I can't. Th-they'll touch me, and I d-don't want them to touch me."

Declan looked up at his sister.

"Fi, I don't want to make you feel bad, honestly I don't but you could get really sick if he gave you something... something really bad." Declan said.

"Declan I'm scared, I can't... Decs I can't." Fiona said, looking straight into her brother's eyes.

"I'll do anything to get you to go to the doctor, Fi... anything at all." Declan said.

"I can't d-do it Decs. I can't. And what if the doctor is a pervert?" Fiona said, in a mear attempt to get Declan to change his mind about wanting her to go to the doctor's.

Declan thought this over. He didn't want people touching his sister at all, and making her feel uncomfortable... but he didn't want her dead either.

"Fiona, they wouldn't let perverted people be doctors, they'll be really nice to you... they'll be careful."

"I don't want to." Fiona whispered.

"They do stuff like that everyday, you won't be any different then everyone else who's went." Declan said.

"Please, no, I don't want to... don't make me..." Fiona said, tears streaming down her face.

"I _can't_ make you do anything you don't want to, Fi. I just want you to go to the doctor... please?" Declan asked.

Fiona shook her head no.

"Then... I guess you won't be going." Declan said, "I wish you would."

Fiona leaned against Declan.

"I _really_ don't want to, Decs." she whispered.

"Ok, Fi... it's ok. I just am scared for you. If you have an STD... it could be serious." Declan said, his arm now around his sister.

"I don't want to die." Fiona said.

"You won't die." Declan said, knowing that some STDs can kill people, but he didn't want her to know that, if she didn't already.

"Declan if I go..." Fiona stopped and wiped her eyes.

"Then you'll know for sure that you're ok." Declan finished.

Fiona stared ahead. She was thinking about the situation.

"There's more than one test, you know. You could tell them to only do a few, the ones that don't involve touching. They can't make you do all of them." Declan said.

"Yes they can, they're doctors!" Fiona said, lifting her hands in the air with desperation.

"You should just go, Fi. You've done it before." Declan said.

Fiona stared ahead for awhile, then nodded her head. "I...I'll go." she whispered.

"You will?" Declan asked, "Good, Fi, I'm proud of you. I'll schedual an apointment."

Fiona looked so scared, regretful. She shouldn't have said she'd go, she thought.

Declan held out his hand to her, to help her up. She took it and got up and stared at herself in the mirror again.


	52. Not Ever

The day of the doctor's appointment. What if they told her she had an STD? What if she had everything that could possibly be wrong? What if they asked her questions, personal questions? What if... -Declan interupted his sister's thoughts.

"It's _just_ a doctor's appointment, Fi." he said.

She smiled at him, a small half-fake smile. "I know." she said.

"Afterwards we'll celebrate you're braveness. Where do you want to go?" Declan asked.

Fiona shook her head, "I don't care." she said.

"You'll be fine, Fi." Declan said, taking her hand and leading her to the car.

"Where's Holly J? Isn't she coming? With Ellie?" Fiona asked, trying to stall.

"She's staying home. Ellie made a huge mess of her room, she's cleaning it."

"Oh..." Fiona said.

They got in the car and drove in silence. The radio was barely on, but loud enough to hear the sound. They turned to the doctor's and parked, walked into the waiting room, Declan was signing Fiona in.

Fiona sat in one of the chairs, trembling. Declan walked back over to her and put his arm around her.

Fiona leaned against Declan until the doctor came out.

"Fiona Coyne?" she asked.

Fiona closed her eyes tight.

"Fi, go." Declan said, nudging her up. Fiona got up and slowly walked over to the doctor.

"Hello, Fiona." the doctor said, leading her into the room.

In the room Fiona sat on the paper covered bed.

"Did he touch your mouth at all, with his tongue or his..." the doctor began. Fiona interupted.

"He... he kissed me." she said.

"We'll take saliva samples first then."

When all the tests were done Fiona sat on the bed waiting. "It looks as if you don't have any STDs as of the moment, or pregnancies, but we'll need to do follow up tests later. It would have been much easier to do if you'd had come sooner." the doctor told her.

"I know." Fiona said, looking down.

"I can understand why you might not want to though." she said.

Fiona smiled at the doctor.

"So... I don't have any... of them?" Fiona asked.

"Not yet, chances are you don't if they aren't developed yet. But there is a small chance you may develop one." the doctor said.

Fiona nodded.

"Here's the date you are to come back." the doctor said, handing Fiona a slip of paper.

"Thank you." Fiona said quietly as she walked out the door.

She walked over to Declan and together, they walked out the door and into the car.

"How'd it go?" Declan asked.

"Good." Fiona said. "But I have to go back later... a month from now."

"So you don't... have anything?" Declan asked.

"There's no signs of anything developing yet, but just to be safe they're going to check it out again."

Declan smiled, "Thank goodness."

Declan drove one handed, holding Fiona's hand with his right one.  
When they opened the door to their house Holly J was standing right by it.

"Got any news for me?" she asked.

"Good news, I don't have anything, as of now." Fiona said.  
Holly J hugged her friend.

After Holly J had let go of her, Fiona sat down on the couch and struggled not to cry. Declan saw this and walked over and put his arm around her.

"Fi, what's wrong? They didn't find anything, remember?"

"What if they do next time?" Fiona whispered, trembling again.

"Well, don't get worried about it yet. They _didn't_ find anything. They most likely _won't_ find anything." Declan said into his sister's ear.

"I hate Bobby! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!" Fiona screamed.  
"I know, Fi... I do too." Declan stated, "You don't even _know_ how much I hate him."

"Why would you hate him? Because he made me more of a whiney drama queen then I was before?" Fiona asked, tears running down her face.

"No, Fiona. I hate him because he hurt my sister. And there's nothing I hate more then someone hurting my sister."

"You never get hurt." Fiona stated.

"Yes I do." Declan said.

"When?"  
"Everytime I see you cry, see you scared, or see you have a nightmare, when you won't talk to me, when you won't eat..." Declan stopped, "I could go on and on, Fi." he said, blinking back his own tears.

Holly J was watching from the other side of the room, she was on the floor playing with Ellie, but now her attention was drawn to her boyfriend and his sister.

"I'm sorry." Fiona whispered after a few seconds.

"For what?" Declan asked, confused.

"For making you feel bad." Fiona whispered, her eyes filling with tears. Declan realized he had completly gave Fiona the wrong message.

"No, no, Fi. That's not what I meant. It's not your fault. When I see you feel bad it makes me hate Bobby, not you. You can't help being sad." Declan said.

Fiona looked as if she didn't believe him.

"Fiona, it isn't your fault when you feel bad... I am not blaming you for any of this. Nobody is." he said, looking towards Holly J.

"You don't even think I'm a _little_ bit stupid?" Fiona asked.

"No, Fiona, of course not."

Holly J walked over to Fiona. "I... um, found this place... this thing. It's for people who've been... _hurt_, like you have... there will be a bunch of people there, that had the same thing happen to them, as what happened to you... if you want to go." she said.

Fiona just stared at her.

"You could go." Declan said, looking at the piece of paper Holly J had handed him.

"It's in an hour. You should just try it." he said.

Fiona sighed, what was there to lose?

"Fine." she whispered.

An hour later she was sitting in a human circle made of about ten different people. She had Holly J with her, Declan was at home with Ellie. Holly J said she'd just love to come, and Declan said he haden't been with Ellie for awhile, so he wanted to stay with her. Fiona doubted that Holly J liked to go to things like this. They were stupid.

First everyone got to know each other. Fiona just told them the basics about herself. Her name, her age, she had a brother...

When it was Holly J's turn she felt awkward. "I'm Holly J and I have a one year old daughter named Ellie, I'm dating her brother." she said, pointing to Fiona.

One of the girls in the circle looked at her. "Is it the rapists baby?" she asked quietly.

Holly J looked at her strangely, "No... That's never happened to be before... I'm just here with Fiona."

"Oh, Fiona, you don't have to be scared of us... and bring bodygaurds." the girl said.

Fiona gave a sarcastic laugh and muttered "Of course not." under her breath. She scooted closer to Holly J.  
After they all got to know each other they were each handed a piece of paper.

"We're going to write letters to our rapists."

Holly J tried to give her paper back, "I'm just here with Fiona, remember?" she asked.

"You obviously care deeply for Fiona, you should write down your feelings towards the man who hurt her." the girl said.

"No... I'm not good with feelings." Holly J said, but the girl was already moving on.

Everyone was writing, except for Holly J. She was so bored she began drawing a house on her paper. She soon got bored of that and began looking around at everyone else. Fiona was writing. Holly J looked around the room now when she felt something slip into her hand. It was a piece of paper. She unfolded it.

_'I don't know what these freaks think they're doing. I say we leave. This is stupid. If I wanted to tell Bobby something, I'd go and tell him it. What the fuck is up with these creepy people? It seems as if they're in a cult or something.'_

Holly J looked up at Fiona who was smiling at her.

_'Passing notes, Fiona? Honestly? Ok... yeah they are kind of creepy. If you don't want to come back, I won't either.'_

She wadded the paper and threw it toward Fiona.

Fiona laughed a little when she read Holly J's answer and threw it back.

_'How long does this thing last?'_

Holly J thought back.

_'An hour or two... I think.'_

She tossed the paper, Fiona read it and scribbled something quickly, tossing the paper back.

'_Oh shit!'_

Holly J couldn't help but laugh... loudly. Everyone stared at her and Fiona quickly looked away but she was laughing too... just not as loud.

"Where's your paper Fiona? Are you done already?" the woman who passed out the papers asked.

Fiona's face turned serious imediantally. "Yes." she said.

"Why does Holly J have your paper?" the woman asked taking the paper from Holly J.

Fiona was silent.

The woman read the papers and stared at Fiona.

"This isn't _school_, girls, you may leave if you'd like."

Fiona smiled, "I have somewhere to be, that's all." she whispered, slowly getting up and grabbing Holly J's arm. They walked out of the room laughing.

"No kidding, 'this isn't school, girls!' That was funny!" Holly J said as they walked down the steps.

They walked along the sidewalk until Fiona stopped.

"Has anyone ever hurt you?" she asked.

"No..." Holly J began.

"Not ever?" Fiona asked

"Not ever."

"No one's ever made you feel bad at all?" Fiona asked, her eyes locked on Holly J's.

"No."

"I don't believe you." Fiona said.

"What?" Holly J asked, looking up.

"Are you _embarassed_ to say that you've been hurt?" Fiona asked.

"Maybe I would be, but I've never _ever_ been hurt." Holly J replied.  
"I was embarassed too." Fiona said.

"Why?" Holly J asked.  
"I don't know... why are you?"


	53. Notes and a Visitor

Did Fiona know something that Holly J didn't want her to? She was acting so strange. Holly J had a possesive boyfriend once, he didn't want her to be with her friends, but he never physically hurt her. That was before Degrassi even, back at Lakehurst. Way before she knew Fiona, or even Declan.

Holly J stared at Fiona.

"Why _would_ I be embarassed?" she asked. "I... because I'm supposed to be strong."

"I am too." Fiona said, kicking a small pebble into the road. "It started really early, the hurting."

"It did?" Holly J asked.

"After the second date."

"I'm sorry." Holly J said quietly.

"And what about you?" Fiona asked.

"Me? I already told you, nobody's ever hurt me before."

"You're a liar." Fiona said.

"No I'm not."  
"Sure..." Fiona said, starting to walk again.

"Are you mad?" Holly J asked, in a worried voice.

"Of course not. I understand." Fiona said, slipping her hand into Holly J's and dragging her along.

She certainly was being weird.

"Where are you getting at, Fiona?" Holly J asked nervously.

"Getting at?" Fiona asked.

"Fiona, what are you trying to say... I mean, what's your point?" Holly J asked.

"I don't think we should be embarassed to talk about people hurting us." Fiona said, turning back around to Holly J.

"I don't think we should either." Holly J said.

"Then why won't you tell me. I know you've been hurt at least once, probably more then once."

"I had a boyfriend who was mean. He wasn't Bobby mean though. He was just possesive... but that's it." Holly J admitted.

"See. It isn't something to be embarassed about." Fiona said.

"I know." Holly J said, still not quite understanding what Fiona was trying to explain.

"Then why do we act so ashamed to feel bad?" Fiona asked.

"I don't know about you, but I don't feel ashamed." Holly J said.

Fiona rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right, Miss. Never have I ever been hurt." Fiona said.

Holly J gave Fiona a small smile.

"I don't know when you hear of someone leting other people use them, you think they're stupid and wimpy."

"I do? No. You do." Fiona said, hurt showing through her eyes.

"I don't mean _you_ Fi. Really, I don't. You couldn't get away from him, because he'd hurt you."

"Then who do you mean?" Fiona asked, her voice was starting to get tense.  
"I mean... me..." Holly J said.

Fiona was silent as she pressed the walk button so she could cross the street.

"Our... our house is down this walk... not that one." Holly J pointed out.

"Yeah, I know, I figured we'd take a walk so Declan wouldn't question us... maybe give you a break from El." Fiona said starting across the street.

Holly J took a glance down the walk to their house and followed Fiona.

"Where are we going?" Holly J asked.

"We'll see now won't we?" Fiona asked taking Holly J's hand.

Holly J followed her silently.

They went down the street. Without any notice at all Fiona yanked Holly J into an allyway.

"What the hell?" Holly J asked.

"It's Bobby." Fiona whispered.

Holly J held her friend's hand tighter.

"Maybe we should just go home." Holly J suggested.

Fiona shook her head. "He'll see me."

"But he could come down here. Think about it, Fi; Rapist, plus dark ally... not a good mix." Holly J insisted.

Fiona was silent.

"Have you ever been so scared of someone... that just l-looking at them makes it hurt as much as it did when..." Fiona stopped. Her whole body was trembling.

Holly J put her arm around her friend.

"I'll go see if he's still there, ok?" Holly J said.

She looked around the corner and grabbed Fiona's hand.

"H-he's gone?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah... yeah he's gone." Holly J lied, carefully eyeing Bobby who was facing the other way.

Fiona walked around the corner with her friend. Holly J held onto Fiona's shoulders and pushed her along in front of her. In hopes that Bobby wouldn't see Fiona, and Fiona wouldn't see Bobby.

But Bobby did see her. He took two glimpses then walked over behind Fiona and grabbed her arm, turning her around, gently though.

Holly J crept closer to her friend.

"Stay away from her." Holly J said, putting one arm around her trembling friend.

"You told." Bobby said, angrily.

"Th-they already knew..." Fiona whispered, fear in her eyes, as well as tears.

"It's not hard to notice when your friend is crying and won't say anything, has bruises all over her." Holly J stated, nudging Fiona behind her. Fiona had hurt enough already.

Holly J took Fiona's hand and led her away... she wanted to get to a populated place at least, so someone would help them if Bobby decided to attack.

"If you don't report it, then I won't hurt you anymore." Bobby said. It angered Holly J that he would bargain like this. It was stupid. He went around hurting people... in one of the worst possible ways, and then tell her that if she didn't make him pay he wouldn't hurt her again.

"If we do report it then you won't hurt her anymore, because you'll be in prison." Holly J said, her hands on her hips, with Fiona standing partly behind her.

"_What are you doing?" _Fiona whispered.

Holly J ignored her.

"She's waited too long to report it." Bobby said in the same 'so there' voice Holly J had used.

"No she hasn't, in fact she went to the doctor's today." Holly J replied.

"We'd have to go to court." Bobby said.

"And Fi could do it. Declan and I would be there for her." Holly J said, completely speaking for Fiona now.

Bobby's eyes grazed over Fiona. It made her feel uncomfortable, she moved behind Holly J. He looked straight into her eyes.

"If you do decide to go to court, sweetie, everyone would hear the details of it all." Bobby began, "Declan would hear about how you _screamed_ and about how _I_ have complete power over you and can make you do anything and everything. He'd hear about how I..."

"Stop it." Fiona whispered in a tiny voice.

"He'd hear about how I could easily smack you down..." Bobby began, smirking at Fiona.

Holly J took Fiona's hand and led her away, Bobby was laughing at them.

When they had walked a few blocks Holly J stopped and faced Fiona.

"Are you alright?" Holly J asked. Fiona was crying so hard she couldn't say anything, but it was obvious that she wasn't 'alright'.

"W-why did you tell him I was going to c-court?" Fiona asked.

"Don't you think you _should_?" Holly J asked.

"N-no." Fiona whispered.

"That just makes _him_ happier. You can tell he obviously doesn't want to go to court. That's why he was saying all those things." Holly J stated.

"B-but the things he said were t-true!" Fiona stated.

Holly J hugged her friend.

"Declan's already heard all that, I won't think any different of you, Bobby was there... and the rest of them are complete strangers." Holly J said.

Fiona still cried.

"If you want to make him mad, then this is the best way to do it." Holly J told her.

They were both silent untilt Holly J looked at Fiona seriously.

"He might hurt someone else if you don't report him." she said, "You wouldn't want someone else to hurt like this."

Her words echoed in Fiona's mind. Someone else.

"S-so I should report it?" Fiona asked finally.

Holly J gave her a little smile, "I would." she said.

"I can't... I'll start crying in court." Fiona whispered.

"It'll probably be _years_ before you even get to testify." Holly J said, "You'll be better by then."

"I just want to _forget._" Fiona said.

"And the best way to do that is to put the bastard in jail." Holly J insisted.

"What if I lose?" Fiona asked.

"You won't, you went to the doctor... did they set up a rape kit?" Holly J asked.

Fiona nodded, "They t-told me it was 'strongly advised'."

"Well there's evidence then." Holly J said. "And we'll go home and take pictures of some of your bruises."

"But... they said that I should have came sooner, without changing my clothes or taking a shower."

"Fiona, we've saw him beat you up and it's obvious he hurt you, very obvious, so you'll win." Holly J said, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder.

"You don't understand, Holly J, and you never will." Fiona said quietly.

Holly J gave her a small smile, "I don't suppose I do." she said.

"I hope you never do." Fiona whispered.

A few minutes of silence followed, and then Holly J talked.

"I really think you'll feel better if you go to court." she said.

"You think?" Fiona asked.  
"I honestly do."

"Then maybe I will." Fiona said.

Holly J smiled, "You will?"

Fiona looked scared, "Maybe." she whispered.

Holly J hugged her.


	54. Scared

"How was it?" Declan asked, sitting on the floor with a lego tower that Ellie kept knocking over in front of him.

"How was what?" Fiona asked, forgetting about the 'class' that she and Holly J had went to. She was mostly remembering the walk that they had taken afterwards.

"It was good." Holly J answered quickly, "And Fiona even thinks she might go to court."

Fiona had never seen Declan smile so big. He got up and hugged his sister.  
"That's great Fi!" he said.

Fiona meekly nodded, "Think I might... Decs... I might not."

"I hope you do." he said. "What made you change your mind?"

"Bobby..." Fiona started, but Holly J interupted.

"It was the people at the meeting." she insisted.

"Are you sure?" Declan asked, staring at his sister questionably.

"Yes... I was going to say that Bobby... he will hate going to court." Fiona said.

Declan knew that she wasn't really going to stay that, but she obviously didn't want to discuss it, so he pretended as if he believed her.

"The sooner you report it the sooner the case will be, and the better the chances you'll win." Declan remarked.

"I don't know if I want to report it or not." Fiona said quietly.

"You can report it... and cancel the case later if you don't want to." Holly J said.

Fiona thought about it. "Do you really think I should report it?" she asked.

"Of course Fi, I wouldn't say something I didn't mean." Declan said.

Fiona sighed.  
"So how do we do this then?" she asked, wanting to get it over with.

"I suppose we call the cops." Declan said, reaching for his cellphone.

"Or we could go down to the station." Holly J said, "So it won't be on the phone records."

Fiona nodded, she didn't want anyone else to be able to hear things like that, or trace it.

They dropped Ellie off at Holly J's mom's house. She wanted to watch her for a week, and Holly J barely protested. Then they were parked outside the station.

"What do I tell them?" Fiona said, before they got out of the car.

"Tell them you'd like to report a sexual assault." Holly J answered. The words rolled off her tongue so smoothly, as if it was no big deal.

"I'll go with you." Declan said.

Fiona shook her head, "I should do this on my own." she said, as she got out of the car.

They took her to an office, and asked her questions about Bobby, how long ago it happened. The woman officer was very nice. They asked her if she'd already had an examination, and then they said they'd get the rape kit from the doctor. Then they asked her if she still had the clothes she was wearing at the time, and the couch cushions.

"I think I put my clothes under my bed. And... the couch is outside... in the front yard." she whispered. To her surprise the officer acted as if this was perfectly normal.

"Those will be great evidence. Don't wash them and put them in a safe place until you bring them down here." Officer Gretchan said.

"Do you know who the man is?" Gretchan asked.

"Yes... Bobby Beckonridge. My ex boyfriend." Fiona answered.

"Was he using violence as a threat?" Gretchan asked.

"When we were dating, he would hit me... he hit me again right before."

"So you two were in an abusive relationship?" Gretchan asked.

Fiona had never thought of that, an 'abusive relationship'. She had always just thought 'the guy who hurts me is my boyfriend'. It was really the same thing.

"Yes." she answered.

"And he followed you here from New York." Gretchan clarified.

"Yes."

They talked for a few more minutes before Gretchan told her she could go, thanked her for sharing the information and aplauded her for being brave. She had to come back later with the 'objects' to be used for 'evidence'.

Fiona didn't understand at all why there would need to be evidence. Nobody would lie about that... would they?

She walked out to their car.

"When is it?" Declan asked, referring to court.  
"We don't know yet... they want evidence... like my clothes I was wearing, and the couch cushions." Fiona said.

"The couch cushions?" Declan asked, then his mind clicked in place, "Oh yes, right..."

"When do they need them by?" Holly J asked.

"As soon as possible." Fiona answered.

"Ok, we should go get them now." Declan insisted.

"I've never seen you so anxious to do anything before." Fiona said.

"You're my sister, Fi. I want you to win this case... and even more so I want Bobby to lose it. The sooner we get that stuff to them the better." Declan said.

When they reached home Fiona carefully lifted the clothes. They were wrinkly and dirty. She put them in a walmart bag and walked them out to the car. She saw Declan and Holly J standing on the front lawn staring down at the couch. Fiona joined them.

"Pick one up." Fiona said to Declan.

Declan continued to stare at it, "No... it has you and Bobby's...uh... _fluids_." he looked completly discusted.

Fiona stared at Holly J.

"No..." Holly J began awkwardly.

"I don't want to touch it." Fiona said, her voice shakey.

"Why not, you're on it." Holly J said.

"Bobby is too." Fiona whispered. The couch was dirty, it used to be a soft tannish color. The cushions were fluffy. Now it had a few blood stains from Fiona. It looked scuffed, and it reminded Fiona of Bobby. Play, pause, play, rewind, play, stop, rewind, play, pause, play, stop, rewind, play.

Declan noticed Fiona was about to start crying and he put one arm around her. He grabbed the bottom of one of the cushions and put it in the car. Making a sick face the whole time. Then he got the next cushion in the same fashion.

Afterwards he went straight into the couch and washed his hands, multiple times.

When they drove back to the police station and got out Officer Gretchan came out with plastic containers and put the clothes and cushions in them. She wasn't squeamish, but then again, she was wearing latex gloves.

She was very friendly, and greeted Fiona back with a warm smile.

"And who are these? Your friends?" she asked, seeing Holly J and Declan.

"Declan's my brother, and Holly J is my best friend... and Declan's girlfriend." Fiona said.

"Regardless, you must care a great deal about Fiona." Gretchan started, handing Fiona a pamphlet.

"This is one on one counsaling system, you and the counsalor... and any friends you'd like to bring along. I suggest it to all of the rape survivors." Gretchan said.

Fiona looked down at it then folded it up and put it in her jacket.

"Of course you don't have to... but Dr. Trina is open any day, anytime." Gretchan began.

Fiona nodded.

"It'll take about a year for the actual trial." Gretchan added.

Fiona nodded again.

They listened to Gretchan talking for a few more minutes, until she smiled at them and told them she had some work to do. Then they drove home. Holly J sat down to watch TV on the coffee table, because Declan was on the couch, and Fiona was sleeping beside him, using his lap as a pillow.

After a few episodes of their show, Holly J left to take a bath.

Declan wasn't really interested in the show he was watching. He had one of his arms around Fiona, and was lightly tugging on a strang of her hair, watching it straighten, and then spring back into place.

He was so angry at Bobby... _so_ angry. He watched his sister's stomach moving up and down in a steady motion. At least she's alive, he thought.

Fiona, half asleep, lifted her hand and slapped Declan's away from her hair.

He smiled at that... for a few seconds, then he noticed something sticking out of Fiona's pocket on her jacket. It was the pamphlet Officer Gretchan had given her. He slipped it out of her pocket and skimmed through it.

That angered him too. His sister shouldn't have to go to some kind of counsalor to be happy. She should be happy anyway. No one should feel bad like she did, no one should be so hurt, ecspecially not Fiona. Fiona was his sister. His _perfect_ sister, and perfect people shouldn't be so sad. Perfect people should at least want to eat, and be able to sleep.

A few minutes later Fiona was screaming and crying in her sleep, again. It seemed so normal for her to be doing that, that Declan almost glimpsed and then looked away.

He looked at her for a few seconds. This was how she looked when that bastard hurt her, he told himself... he started doing that kind of thing a lot lately.

'This is the couch it happened on'

'There's the picture that fell off the wall... the wall she got slammed into.'

'There's the bruise, Bobby's fist hit her hard... right there.'

When he thought things like that it made him hate Bobby so much more. It sickened him that he'd be thinking about his sister getting hurt. It gave him the chills to think about it. It... it was just morbid.

He looked back down at his sister, and shook her awake.

"Fi... Fi, wake up, you're safe... and you're with me..." Declan said.

Fiona opened her eyes, flipped over and closed them again, trying to go back to sleep. She didn't have to say 'I had a nightmare' or 'Thanks for waking me up' Declan already knew. They did this same thing a dozen times a day... maybe even more.

He lifted his arm long enough for her to turn over and then put it back around her, and began thinking about how much he hated Bobby again. Declan had never been able to say he hated someone before... really he couldn't. He'd never been able to say he'd be able to _kill_ someone if he got the chance before. Now, he would. He'd kill Bobby in a heartbeat if it wouldn't result in jailtime for him. Fiona needed him to be there.

He thought about how much he hated Bobby for another few minutes, or more like a half an hour.

Suddenly he felt a little drousy himself. He picked Fiona up, easily... she wasn't usually overweight... underweight actually, but it was way easier then normal... it occured to him that this might be because she wasn't eating... 'make her eat when she wakes up' he reminded himself.

He carried her upstairs and layed her down on his bed, and pulled the covers around her. It was summer now... or at least getting warmer, but he knew that if she had covers around her she felt safer. He layed ontop of the covers with his arms around her and went to sleep.

He woke up because Fiona was trembling so much. He shook her awake again. She turned over, still half asleep and snuggled closer to Declan.

The doorbell rang and Declan slowly got up and walked downstairs, and answered the door.

It was Logan. His black hair was messy and his green eyes looked dull.

"Can I help you?" Declan asked, yawning.

"Can you tell me the truth about Fiona? It's been bothering me... a lot." Logan said. Declan looked behind him, Holly J was asleep on the couch, and Fiona was asleep upstairs.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone I told you." Declan said, stepping aside and motioning for Logan to come in.

Declan took Logan upstairs and into his room.

"Why are we going to talk about it here?" Logan asked, his eyes darting to Fiona, who was sleeping on the bed.

"She'll have nightmares, and I want to be here when she does." Declan stated, following Logan's gaze.

"What are you looking at?" Declan asked. He didn't mean to act angry, but he was tired...

"Mr. Coyne, your sister is the prettiest, sweetest, most wonderful thing I've ever seen." Logan said looking straight into Declan's eyes.

"I bet." Declan replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, Fiona got into a bit of trouble..." Declan began, at last.

"What kind of trouble?" Logan asked.

"She got hurt again." Declan said.

Logan, a bit frusterated asked, "How did she get hurt?"

Declan told him and Logan was silent for a few minutes, he stared at Fiona.

"You can't tell her I told you. She doesn't like for people to know." Declan said.

Logan nodded and walked over to Fiona, and sat on the edge of the bed, he just looked at her.

"Do you know what I thought, when she told me about the first time?" he asked.

"What?" Declan asked absentmindedly.

"I wondered how he could look her in the eye and hurt her." Logan said.

"Oh?" Declan replied, looking up at Logan. "I wonder the same thing."

"Does she hate me?" Logan asked.

"No." Declan replied.

"Then why does she always avoid me?"

"She's scared." Declan answered, "She's only had three boyfriends in her life, counting you, one was gay and called her a bitch, one did _this_ to her, and he started as a charmer, just like you."

"She should know I won't hurt her." Logan insisted.

"She's afraid to take a chance, Logan. You would be too." Declan said.

"I know she's scared. I just want to make her feel better, but she won't let me."

"You have to let her get to know you really good." Declan said.

"I thought she did." Logan said, there was a tint of sadness in his voice, and Declan could tell he was trying very hard to hide it.

"She does... and she trusts you believe me. I've spent nights up talking about you with her..." Declan started, but Logan cut him off.

"She talks about me?" he asked.

"Yes, all the time." Declan answered.

Logan smiled a little.

"I was reading online... and what happened to Fiona was one of the worst things that could happen to someone. Most people don't trust men afterwards, and everything scares them. She just needs to start to feel a little better... plus she doesn't like moving around much... because she's sore." Declan began.

Logan sighed, "Can I stay until she wakes up?" he asked.

"If you want." Declan answered, walking over and sitting next to his sister. He still felt protective over her. He was 99.9% sure that Logan wouldn't hurt her, but she might get scared if he wasn't by her, and there was that 0.01 chance.

After about 30 minutes Fiona started to toss and turn and tears were slowly running down her cheeks.

Declan woke her up, the same way he always did and she tried to go back to sleep a few seconds after he woke her.

"Declan what?" she asked.  
"Fi, you have a visitor." Declan answered.

"What?" Fiona asked, she looked over and saw Logan, and gasped.

"How long has he been here?" Fiona asked.

"About an hour. He wanted to see you." Declan said.

Logan looked down at her and held out his hand. "I won't hurt you, Fiona." he said.

She stared ahead of her for a few seconds and then sat up and stared at him, straight in the eyes. She slowly grabbed onto his hand and he smiled

"Same rules apply, to our past friendship... romance... as they do to our new one." he said.

She looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"I don't need physicall contact." Logan reminded her.

She was still silent.

"...and, don't try to kiss me if you don't want to, don't try to do anything you don't want to do. All I want is for you to happy." Logan said, putting his hand on Fiona's shoulder.

Fiona flinched.

"I'm sorry, Fiona." Logan said, taking his hand off of her shoulder. "I'm used to touching people when I think they're sad... it usually helps, and I forgot you were touchy."

Fiona gave him a curious look.

How do you..." she began but Declan interuptted her.

"He put the pieces together, Fi." he said.

Logan glanced at Declan in a 'Thank you' look.

"Oh." Fiona whispered.

There was silence.  
"I'm tired, so I think I'll go to sleep." Fiona said, looking at Declan with annoyance.

She closed her eyes and heard Declan say quietly "I think she's a little worn out today, we reported it and..."

Fiona fell asleep.

She had a nightmare and woke up to Declan shaking her awake, she scooted closer to him and fell asleep again.


	55. The Blame

**-I keep meaning to put this at the bottom of the chapters but I always forget so since I remembered, I'll write it here. Ok: I had to do a lot of research for these last few chapters in order to write about Fiona's feelings, actions... what Bobby says, and how Declan and Holly J respond to all of this. So it's kind of informational if you think about it. I've learned a lot.-**

She woke up, from a nightmare, of course, it was the only way she ever woke up anymore. Declan wasn't awake this time, the whole side of the pillow and some of Declan's shirt were wet with tears. Fiona wiped her eyes and looked around. Holly J was asleep beside Declan, on the other side. Fiona got on the computer and went to her twitter... and all the other useless websites that she used to obsess over. Facerange... myroom. All of the things on it were filled with old news. Like "Fiona Coyne is 'in a relationship' with Bobby Beckonridge"

She quickly changed it to 'Single'. She knew she'd never be getting on these websites again but she didn't want people to even think she was with him. She deleted Bobby fromm her friend list and left the sites.

She tried to play internet games but she kept getting distracted. She shut it off and walked downstairs and flipped on the TV, and quickly turned it off. Nothing was ever on anyway.

She sat on the couch and wondered what Declan thought about her. Did he think the same of her... as he always did? Or, did he think that she was weaker now, and needed his help?

She knew that either way, Declan cared about her. The thought of Declan caring about her made her want to go upstairs and hug him. Her eyes shifted to the hole in the wall. It was made by her elbow when Bobby had pushed her up against the wall. She couldn't really _see_ the hole. It had caused her trouble... flashbacks... and so Declan had put a picture over it, but the picture was oddly placed, and Fiona knew what was under it. She got up and walked into the kitchen. It hurt to move and she was sore all over.

She got herself some ice and set it on the counter. Then she began to think about if there had never been a 'Bobby'.

She could have had a boyfriend who didn't make her do things she didn't want to do. One who said "It's ok, we don't have to have sex." and of course, one who said that, and also wasn't gay.

She didn't know of anyone who fit that description, except for Logan of course. She had almost trusted him, and he told Declan to come and get her, and then Bobby came and got her again. Everyone told her it wasn't her fault. It wasn't Declan's. It had to be Logan's then. It didn't seem like it was... but it had to be someone's fault. And she didn't think it was Bobby's. She hated him but maybe he was confused.

Afterwards, Bobby had asked her if she liked it, and she didn't answer. Maybe he had thought she would like it. She probably did somehing wrong. Something to make him think she wanted to do such a thing.

Maybe he thought that she was wearing something slutty. Those had been short shorts... she would wear them around Declan... so they weren't too short. Officer Gretchan probably laughed when she saw them and said 'No wonder'.

Fiona was just about to go get her ice before Holly J walked into the kitchen and came back with the glass of half-melted ice. "Thought I'd get it for you, since I saw it in there." Holly J said, knowing just how bad Fiona's sores were.

"Thank you." Fiona said, taking the glass of water, sipping it and setting it back down.

"Something bothering you?" Holly J asked.

"Do you think Bobby would have thought I _wanted_ to do that?" she asked.

"No. Why? Do you?"

"Maybe..." Fiona began.

"Why?" Holly J asked.

"I was wearing short shorts."

"So? You should be able to wear whatever you want in your own house, plus, I know those shorts, and they are not that short, you were even wearing your leggins under them." Holly J said.

"The see-through ones." Fiona said quietly, trying to fight back tears that were forming.

"It doesn't matter. He beat you up and then expected you... of all people, to want to have _sex_ with him? I know he's stupid but not that stupid, Fi." Holly J said.

Fiona didn't say anything and Holly J sat down beside her.

"If he knew you at all, he'd know you thought sex was discusting... so he'd obviously know you didn't want to do it. And two times? After he beat you up? Fiona, you can't honestly think he would have any confusion at all as to whether or not you wanted to do that."

"I obviously did something wrong!" Fiona said.

"What do you mean?" Holly J asked, how her full attention was on Fiona.

"Well _this_ happened to me. I had to have done something wrong!" Fiona said, her tears starting to spill.

Holly J put an arm around her friend.

"No... life doesn't work like that." she whispered.

"Why the hell not?" Fiona asked trembling.

"I don't know." Holly J replied, letting Fiona lean against her.

"Declan's worried that your not eating." Holly J said after a few minutes of Fiona's crying.  
"I am eating." Fiona insisted.  
"When?" Holly J asked, she was also concerned about it.

"A few days ago... I ate something. I ate some toast."

"A few days ago." Holly J repeted.

"Yeah..."  
"Declan was there, you only ate one bite." Holly J insisted.

"Do you want me to eat now?" Fiona asked sarcastically, and annoyed.

"Yes."

Fiona got up and winced with pain as she walked, bruises on her thighs and legs... they hurt a lot when she walked.

"Sit back down, I'll bring you something." Holly J said.

Fiona sat back down. She was hoping to just walk into the kitchen and pretend to eat something. Why eat when you aren't at all hungry?

Holly J came back with some of Fiona's favorite foods, cheesecake, sushi... Fiona ate some sushi and then stared at Holly J.

"Eat _more_ of it, Fiona." Holly J said.

Fiona ate some cheesecake, two bites. Declan came down right around then and smiled at Holly J.

"How do you do it?" he asked.

Holly J rolled her eyes and urged Fiona to eat more.

She felt like a small child. She took another bite and Holly J tried to get her to eat more, but when she wouldn't, Holly J took the food and put it in the fridge.

Fiona drank some of her water, sushi and cheesecake, they didn't taste as good as they used to.

Declan sat down beside her.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"An hour or so."

"How are you?"

"Fine." Fiona answered. She didn't feel like talking after being forced to shove food down her throat.

"We had to make you eat, Fi... I know it's probably annoying."

Fiona looked at him. Sometimes it seemed like he almost understood her. He used to always understand her completely. Always. Then Holly J... and he'd still understand her. And then, Bobby, now he only half understood.

"Are you going to go to that counsaling thing?" Declan asked.

"What? ...no." Fiona began.

"Why not? You might as well try it."

"No." Fiona said.

"Are you sure?" Declan asked.

"I'm not going, Declan!" Fiona said, she got up a moved to the coffee table.

Declan was quiet for a few seconds.

"Sorry, Fi, I didn't mean to pressure you in to anything. I was just making sure." Declan said.

Fiona looked up, "I know, Decs. It's just..." she stopped.

"Just what?"

"Nothing..." Fiona whispered.

Declan didn't want to make her feel sad again, so he said "If you feel like talking... I'm here."

Fiona didn't say anything.

"Something's bothering you, sis, I can tell." Declan said.

Fiona stared at him. "No kidding?" she asked.

"Something is bothering you more than usual." Declan stated.

"I'm a slut." Fiona whispered. Declan didn't understand her. She was too quiet.

"What, Fi?" Declan asked.  
"I'm a slut." she said louder.

"Fiona, no you're not. You've never even had sex before." Declan said.

Fiona stared at him in disbelief. Had he _forgotten_?

"That wasn't sex, Fiona. That was nothing _near_ sex."

"I dressed like a slut and he thought that I wanted it. I don't care what you... or Holly J said... he thought I wanted it." Fiona said, now crying.

"You said you didn't, Fi. That should be enough."

"I was crying... so he didn't hear me." Fiona whispered.

"Well, you were _crying_ that should be enough, Fiona."

"But that was because he just punched me so maybe he thought..."

Declan walked over to her and sat on the table beside her.

"No matter what you reasons are, it was his fault. He knew you didn't want to. He knows you hate him. He knows that you never wanted to have sex. He knows _everything_. It's no one's fault but his. Don't you understand?" There was desperation in Declan's voice.

"I'm trying to." Fiona whispered.

There was a three minute silence.

"Logan wants to talk to you more." Declan said.

"He doesn't really like me." Fiona whispered.

"He told me that you were the sweetest, most beautiful, best thing that had ever happened to him." Declan told her.

Fiona's face half-lit up, "He said that about me?"

"Yes, he did. You were asleep, so it wasn't just to charm you. He meant it."

Fiona smiled a small smile.

"He said that when you told him what happened he didn't believe it. He didn't know how someone could hurt you. He cares a lot about you."

Fiona was silent.

"We should invite him to dinner or something." Declan suggested.

"Maybe." Fiona said.

"I think I will." Declan replied, getting up.

Fiona sat on the coffee table, and tried to understand everything that Declan had been telling her.


	56. Basketball

"Logan's coming over." Declan told Fiona.

"What else does he think about me?" Fiona asked.

"He thinks your nice, pretty, sweet... I already told you his exact words." Declan replied.

"Does he think I'm _weak_?" Fiona asked.

"I don't think so." Declan replied.

"What about needy?" Fiona asked.

"I think he thinks you're just perfect." Declan answered.

Fiona was silent for a few seconds.

"But I'm not." she said.

"I think you're perfect." Declan remarked.

"I'm obviously _not_." Fiona said.  
"What makes you think that?" Declan asked, sitting by his sister, who had moved from the coffee table to the couch.

"The fact that I got controlled by Bobby... and can't do _anything_ by myself."

"You've been through a lot, Fi." Declan said, "But that makes you even more perfect."

Fiona stared ahead, her arms crossed over her chest.

"You know what though? Nobody's perfect, but you're pretty damn close." Declan said.

"Lots of people are closer." Fiona said.

"Name one."

"You."

"I'm nowhere near perfect." Declan said, believing that himself.

"Yes, you are. You're the image of perfect. You are really nice to me, when you could be doing something you _enjoy_ doing."

"I _enjoy_ helping you." Declan said.

"Wow, even better. Not only do you help me, but you enjoy doing it."

"If I was perfect, then I wouldn't have let this happen to you." Declan said.

"And If I was perfect then it wouldn't have happened to me." Fiona replied.

"Bad things can happen to perfect people."

The doorbell rang and Declan got up to answer it. It was Logan.

"Thanks for inviting me." he told Declan, "My mom's at home and getting annoying."

"Welcome to parent-free zone." Declan said stepping aside so Logan could get in.

"I don't mind parents, drunk parents aren't fun. They can get dangerous."

Fiona looked up at him, she was obviously curious. She noticed that he had a few cuts on his face.

"It's nothing to worry about." he said, glancing at Fiona.

"Oh... uh, what kind of food do you like?" Declan asked awkwardly.

"Anything's good."

"Oh... ok." Declan answered, "I'll start cooking. You can hang with Fi."

Logan watched Declan walk into the kitchen and then sat down beside Fiona.  
"How are you?" Logan asked.

"How'd you get those cuts?" Fiona asked, ignoring his question.

Logan looked uneasy.

"How are you?" he repeated.

"What happened to your face?"

"I asked first."

"I'm fine. What happened?" Fiona asked, her arms crossed over her chest.

"My mom has a boyfriend... and he was drunk and got a little carried away. But I'm fine." Logan answered.  
"Are you sure?" Fiona asked, sitting up.

"Look at you so concerned."  
Fiona was silent, staring at Logan's cuts.

"And why do you care so much all the sudden?" Logan asked.

Fiona was still quiet. Finally she said, "Do they hurt?"

It was Logan's turn to be silent. "Yes... they do." he said at last.

Fiona got up and came back with some pills and two glasses of water. "Have you already taken pills for it?" she asked.

"No."  
"These work great. Take two." Fiona said, pressing two pills into his palm and handing him some water.

She took some herself, and after she did Logan did too.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Fiona said, sitting on the coffee table and setting the bottle of pills beside her.

"What have you been doing?" Logan asked.

"Nothing much." Fiona answered, "What have you been doing?"  
"Missing you."

"You have?" Fiona asked.  
"Yes, I have."

"I've missed you too."  
"Really?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, you're one of my only friends."

"I'm one of your friends?"

"Of course." Fiona said.

How could Logan be hurt the same way that she was and not seem weak, but strong? She looked weak always, she knew it. She felt it. But he looked like he could care less about his cuts. He looked like his mother and her boyfriend drinking and hurting him was no big deal. If that happened to her, which in a way it did... she would be similar to how she was now. Logan looked strong.

"How do you do it?" she asked him.

"Do what?"

"Be like you are... brave." she replied.

"I do exactly what you're doing now. You're my role model." Logan said with a smile.

Fiona couldn't help but laugh. She decided to let the matter drop for now, but she'd ask again later.

She got up and sat beside Logan on the couch.

"See, I don't bight." he joked, smiling at her.

She looked down, slightly embarassed, biting down on her lower lip.

"We're not all like him." Logan said, seriously this time.

They were both silent for about a minute.

"I know." Fiona whispered.

He held out his hand to her, and she took it silently. She half expected him to yank her up when she did, slam her around. But Logan was gentle. All he wanted to do was hold her hand. He knew everything else made her uncomfortable and he didn't want her to feel that way. Logan was nice, she had to remind herself... over and over again.

"Maybe I'll take you to meet my friends sometime. We can play basketball together or something." Logan said.

"Basketball? I don't know much about any sport, aside from what they teach you in P.E."

"I'll teach you then." Logan answered.

Fiona thought about this for a few seconds. "Ok." she said finally.

"I've been wanting you to meet some of my friends for awhile." Logan said, "In fact after this I'm going to go shoot some hoops with them, if you'd care to come." Logan said.

He waited for Fiona to answer, but she didn't.

"You don't have to, of course." he added.

"No... I will." Fiona said.

Logan's face lit up. "You will?"

Fiona nodded.

Then she was silent and zoned out... Logan could tell. She was thinking about something.

"Fiona, what's wrong?" he asked.

She leaned against him and started crying. It was completely unexpected, since Logan still thought she was touchy around him.

He lightly put his arms around her, not wanting to make her feel weird... but still wanting to help.

It didn't seem like Fiona felt weird around him anymore, she had her arms around him tightly.

"Fiona..." Logan started.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, sitting back up and wiping her eyes.

"Don't be, if you don't want to go with me, for god's sake just tell me." he said.

"It's not that... Logan." Fiona whispered.

"What is it then?"

Fiona shook her head. She didn't feel like telling him, not now.

Logan didn't ask her anymore.

Declan came in, "The food is done and..." he stopped looking at Logan and Fiona, "The food is done." he said again. He walked into the other room.

Logan looked down at Fiona.

"You gonna be ok?" he asked her, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

She nodded and got up, Logan behind her. They walked into the dining room.

Logan ate like he was starving, Fiona pushed her food around, Holly J and Declan ate slowly. They barely talked at all.

Afterwards, Logan told them where he and Fiona were going. Declan looked worried, he still didn't completely trust Logan... not 100% and he didn't even know who Logan's friends were. But Fiona was doing things, on her own. That was good.

Logan took Fiona's hand and walked out with her.

When they got to the basketball court, five other boys were already there.

"Logan's in the house!" one screamed, running over and giving Logan a high five.

"And look, he brought a little guest with him." the blonde haired boy said, seeing Fiona.

Fiona crept closer to Logan and he put his arm around her.

"Yeah... guys, this is Fiona." he said.

Fiona forced herself to smile and waved a little.

"Fiona, this is Tyler, Jordan, Trent, Ryan and Quinn." Logan said.

"Hi." Fiona whispered in a tiny voice.

"Is Fifi shy?" Ryan asked.

"Don't call her that." Logan said, looking a bit annoyed.

"Is it her _sex_ name?" Ryan asked, laughing.

"Ew, no, it's something her ex used to call her, and she doesn't like it." Logan answered.

"So are you guys _dating_?" Quinn asked.

"No... not at the moment."

"So she's free?" Quinn asked with amusement.  
Logan looked down at Fiona. "I don't think she wants to date anyone right now."

Ryan walked around behind her. "Maybe we can have a sexy party later, _alone_." he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She flinched.

"It's just me princess." Ryan whispered into her ear.

"If you guys are going to be perverts then we'll just leave ok?" Logan asked.

Ryan held his hands up, "Just kidding man, I won't chase after your lady."

"She's _not_ my lady. She's my friend, and I'd prefer if you left her alone."

Tyler tugged Ryan back and whispered something into his ear, staring at Fiona. Ryan looked at her too and then nodded.

"Sorry, Fiona. I may have been acting a bit innapropriate." Ryan said, eyeing her.

_He sees my bruises_, Fiona thought.

Logan drew is arm away from Fiona and took her by the hand. He led her over to the basketball hoop and handed her a ball.

"I don't know how to shoot." she whispered.

"Sure you do. Just try." Logan answered. The rest of the boys were watching with amusement.

Fiona threw the ball and it went no where near the hoop.  
"Ok... maybe you don't." Logan said, running after the ball. It had flew pretty far.

Tyler walked over to Fiona, who flinched when he came near her.

"If any of these guys bother you, tell me ok? My sister, her boyfriend hurt her, I know how it is." Tyler said.

Fiona looked up at him for a second and then smiled. "Thanks." she whispered.

Logan came back and positioned Fiona's hands on the ball and helped her throw it. It came closer to the hoop this time.

They kept practicing until Logan said he should probably take Fiona home.

He said goodbye to his friends and said he'd see them again, same time tomarow.

On the way back to Fiona's house, Logan held her hand.  
"Sorry... my friends are a little... they don't know you very well." Logan said.

"That's ok." Fiona said, "I liked some of them... all of them once they settled down."

"I'm sorry if they scared you."

"It's ok." Fiona said quietly.

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

"Thanks for teaching me to play basketball, though I doubt it did any good." Fiona said.

"You're pretty good for a beginer."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are." Logan said with a smile.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

More silence.

"If I was ever going to have a boyfriend again, it'd be you." Fiona said quietly.

Logan looked down at her as they walked.

"You don't act like the other boys. You act nicer." Fiona continued.

"I love you, Fiona." Logan said after a few seconds.  
"_I love you too_." Fiona replied. Imediantally after she said it she acted scared.

"Don't say things you're afraid to say." Logan said, "And don't do things you don't want to do. I don't need you to."

They reached Fiona's house and Fiona wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He gladly returned it.

"I'll so you later, Fiona." Logan said.

"Bye, Logan." Fiona answered, giving him a small smile.

She walked inside the couch and sat down beside Declan.

"How was it?" Declan asked.

Fiona yawned, "I'm tired, we'll talk about it later."

She layed down and fell asleep.


	57. Doing the Best You Can

A nightmare again. Declan shook her awake. Same as always. She wasn't tired though. There was nothing to do except sleep, so she tried to make herself do at as much as possible. There were tears streaming down her face and her breathing was deep. She didn't even remember what this nightmare was about, but she had a pretty good idea.

It was always the same. Declan shaking her awake, she would always be trembling, crying... then he'd hug her tight until she started to feel better.

"Want to tell me about Logan and you guys' basketball adventure?" Declan asked after he calmed his sister down.

Happy to be talking about something rather then Bobby, Fiona sat up.

"Logan taught me how to shoot." she said.

"You hate sports." Declan said with amusement.

Fiona ignored his comment, "And his friends are perverts." she had a troubled look on her face.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"They asked me about sex... one of them wanted to have sex with me, he was kidding though, I think."

"Of course he was kidding. Logan would have his head if he wasn't." Declan said.

Fiona laughed a little, but stopped. "He could _tell_ that I was dirty, Declan. He thought that I'd have sex with him, because he could tell." her voice came out like a shakey whisper.

"Boys... they are just bad jokesters, Fi. You're not dirty. He was just making up stupid crap." Declan said.

Fiona rolled her eyes. "Yeah... and I'm still a virgin too, aren't I?" she asked sarcastically.

Declan pulled his sister into a hug, which made her cave in and start crying.  
"Maybe you're not a virgin... but if something happens... something like what happened to you... that doesn't make you dirty for not being a virgin. That wasn't your choice, Fi."

Fiona was hearing Bobby's voice in her head. What he had said when he took her virginity.

_'It's ok, babe, the pain will stop soon. Everyone hurts their first time."_

She snuggled closer to Declan... her head was ringing with his voice.

_"You're very pretty, Fifi. I'm so lucky to get to have you."_

"Decs, I can't get him away, I always hear him!" Fiona whispered.

"You're fine, Fi. He isn't here, and you're fine." Declan answered.

"He made me tell him that I liked it." Fiona whispered.

"But, you didn't, so it doesn't matter. Everyone knows you didn't, Fi."

"And the first time, he said I'd have to do it eventually, and that everyone does, but he was just making it less painful and quick." Fiona choked out.

Declan hugged her. "It's ok, Fi." he whispered. She was having one of those moments, where she remembered every single detail, and she wanted to share it with someone, so someone besides herself, -and Bobby, would know.

"It h-hurt really bad." Fiona whispered.

Declan was silent, holding his crying sister.

"And he didn't care that I was bl-bleeding. He m-made me bleed and he d-didn't care at all." Fiona whispered.

Declan held his sister's head against his chest. "Of course he didn't care." he said in a quiet voice, "He's Bobby."

Fiona continued crying.  
"Just relax for a second, Fi... he'll never hurt you again, and when you go to court, he'll pay for it. And everyone will see how brave you are." Declan whispered to her.

Declan's shirt was drenched in her tears.

"Decs..." Fiona choked out, but she started crying again before she could finish.

"Yes?" Declan asked her.

She couldn't stop crying long enough to finish so he sat with her for another hour or so. This was the longest crying spell she'd ever had and Declan was getting worried.

"Did Logan hurt you?" he asked.

Fiona shook her head.

"Did one of Logan's friends upset you, Fiona?" he asked.

She shook her head no again, so he let her be.

Holly J came down and joined them for a few minutes. She didn't say anything though. She just sat on the other side of Fiona, she didn't even look at her. Declan could tell she was upset that her friend was crying, but Holly J wasn't an 'emotional' person, so he let her pretend that he didn't know she was upset.

She kept crying, and everyonce in awhile she'd mutter something like "He told me that it wouldn't be bad." or something similar.

Declan looked down at his sister who was crying and moved his arms around. They were falling asleep. He brought her up closer to him and started humming the tune that her old music box would play. Her crying eventually got softer and then completely silent. She must have cried herself to sleep.

Declan didn't talk at all, but he stopped humming when he saw his sister was asleep. After a few minutes he let out a sigh.

"I'm tired of this. Aren't you, Holly J?" he asked.

Holly J didn't say anything, but she glanced at him.

"I'm tired of Fi being sad all the time. I hate to see her sad." Declan said.

"Really?" Holly J asked sarcastically.

"This isn't exactly a joking matter." he said. Holly J was still silent.

"I just hate seeing her like this, I hate Bobby... I don't know what I'll do if she loses that case. You don't even know." Declan said.

"I care about her too, Declan." Holly J whispered, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Declan was silent for a second. Then he reached over Fiona and took Holly J's hand. "I know you do." he said, "I just hate it, a lot."

"Obviously. She's your sister." Holly J said, then she added, "It's not that hard to tell. You looked almost as sad as she was when she was sitting there with you crying."

"Do you think I could have prevented it?" Declan asked.

"Anyone could have, Declan." Holly J said. "But you've been telling Fiona it was Bobby's fault, and I think you're right."

Declan opened his mouth to say something but Fiona was having a nightmare, she accidentally kicked Holly J in the side. To Declan's suprise Holly J just shifted in her seat. She didn't even show the slightest bit of anger.

Declan whispered to her to wake up. She did. She was crying.

Declan hugged her, "Fiona, you're fine."

She easily went back to sleep this time, she had her arms wrapped around Declan.

"You're doing the best you can." Holly J remarked.


	58. Magazines

Early in the morning, not too early but early for Declan, the phone rang.

He picked it up.

"Hello?"  
"Hi, this is Officer Gretchan. Is Fiona available?"

"She's asleep right now, and I'd rather not wake her. Is there something you need to tell me?" Declan asked.

"It'll be almost half a year before the trial. A week before she'll get a notice to apear." Officer Gretchan told him

"Are they usually that fast? I mean I thought you had to wait whole years." Declan said.

"Not always... but this time we managed to squeeze it in quickly. The sooner the better." Officer Gretchan said.

"Oh... ok, so it's good then?"

"Yes. I'd like you to tell Fiona this as soon as possible. To get her prepared. I know we already worked out most of it weeks ago... but she should know."

"Yes... I'll tell her when she wakes up."  
"Ok, thank you, Mr. Coyne. If she... or you have any questions don't hesitate to call, or come down to the station."

"Ok, thank you too. Bye." Declan said.

"Goodbye."

The line went dead.

"Who was that?" Holly J asked.

"Officer Gretchan. It'll be nearly half a year and then Fi has to go to court."

Holly J looked up from her magazine. "That soon?"

"They say it's sooner then usual, but it's good."

"Oh."

They were silent for a few minutes, Holly J put the magazine down and glanced at Fiona, who was asleep beside her.

"Should we wake her up and tell her?" she asked.

"No. She doesn't sleep enough as it is. She'll wake up sooner or later, probably sooner." Declan replied.

"We've got to pick up Ellie on Saturday." Holly J said, changing the subject.  
"Yeah, only three more free days." Declan replied with a smile.

"You know you miss her."

"Of course I do, she's my baby. I like being able to sleep..." Declan's eyes roamed to Fiona "... more, though." Fiona never slept for long, it meant he rarely slept either.

"Sometimes you don't wake up when she has nightmares." Holly J said, noticing that the conversation was being switched back to Fiona.

"I don't?" he asked.

"Sometimes I'll wake up and she'll be screaming and you're sleeping through it. You must be really tired."

"I am." Declan replied.

"Go back to sleep then and I'll help her for a while." Holly J offered.

"What if she wants me?" Declan asked, "What if she gets scared?"

"I'm here, Declan. If she really _really _wants you, then I'll wake you up."

Declan sat for a minute by his sister before nodding and walking upstairs.

Holly J continued with her magazine reading, sitting by Fiona.

It was about half an hour before Fiona started crying, and screaming. Holly J just watched. She wanted to see what Fiona would do if no one woke her up. Holly J watched for about two minutes before she cursed herself. Her friend was re-living the worst thing that had ever happened to her, and she could make it stop, but she wasn't. She shook Fiona awake by her shoulder. "Fi, wake up. It's just a bad dream."

Fiona woke up and looked around. "Where's Declan?" she asked.

"He was tired so he went to sleep upstairs. But if you need anything, I'm here." Holly J explained.

"Do you like this smell?" Holly J asked, shoving the magazine under Fiona's nose, holding open a flap on the page. "It says it's what Lady Gaga wears. I never thought of Lady Gaga wearing perfume, did you?"

Fiona looked up at Holly J. She was acting as if Fiona haden't just woken up from a nightmare. She was acting like Fiona wasn't still bawling her eyes out.

"It's ok..." Fiona said.

Holly J wripped the flap off of the page and shoved it into Fiona's hand. "Sometimes if you rub the paper on you the samples will come off." she said.

Fiona stared at Holly J for a few seconds before setting the piece of paper down beside her.

Holly J scooted closer to Fiona and put the magazine in front of her face.

"Look at that girl's boots." she said. Fiona glanced at them and then looked at Holly J.

"What about them?" Fiona asked.

"I like them." Holly J said.  
"Oh."

Holly J flipped the page. "Who do you think is the best dressed on this page?"

Fiona hesitated, "Demi Lovato." she said.  
"_For real?_ Honestly? I disagree." Holly J said "I don't think any of them look good. Demi does have a nice shirt on though... so I'll give her some credit."

They continued looking at the magazine. Mostly, Holly J just asked Fiona her opionions on the peoples' outfits. And Fiona was starting to feel normal, for once.

"Yeah... that looks good." Fiona said, pointing to a picture.

"It does, doesn't it?" Holly J said "Oh yeah, Officer Gretchan called." She flipped the page again.

Snap! The normalness vanished with in two seconds. Fiona's smile faded "What did she say?"  
"Something about when you're going to go to court they'll give you a notice to appear paper that you have to sign... it'll be like six months though." Holly J answered, as if it was nothing.

"Six months?" Fiona asked, her voice trembling.

"Halfa' year." Holly J said, licking her finger and flipping the page.

"That's not very long!" Fiona said in a worried voice.

"Six times thirty... we'll do a rough estimate..." Holly J thought for a second "One hundred eighty days... plus a few more since some months have thiry-one days."

"I don't _want_ to go to court... he'll be there!" Fiona said, near tears. She got up but Holly J lightly held onto her wrist.

Fiona tried to yank away but Holly J wouldn't let go.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Fiona screamed.

Holly J didn't let go of her wrist. She was trying to get her friend to calm down.

"Get away!" Fiona screamed, trying to tug away from Holly J.

"Fiona, calm down. You're over reacting." Holly J insisted, lifting her other hand to try to calm Fiona down.

Fiona raised her free arm in front of her face, like a sheild.

Holly J stood up and placed her hands on Fiona's shoulders.

"Did you think I was going to _hit _you?" she asked quietly, her eyes burning into Fiona's.

Fiona didn't answer. She didn't even look at Holly J, she was staring at her feet.

"I'd _never_ hurt you, Fiona." Holly J said, feeling ashamed to have made Fiona scared.

Fiona started crying.

"Fiona, you have to understand, ok? I'm not trying to hurt you, or scare you... I'm trying to help."

Fiona choked over her tears. "I kn-know." she said, "You... you just reminded m-me of him."

That was the meanest thing anyone had ever said to her. She reminded Fiona of that _rapist_... who beat her up. Of course, Fiona didn't mean it as an insult... but it made Holly J feel terrible.

"I... I'm sorry, Fiona. I didn't mean to, I was just trying to calm you down." Holly J said quietly.

Fiona kept crying.

Holly J hugged her friend. "You shouldn't be afraid of going to court. Bobby won't be able to hurt you."

"D-do you think they'll ask me questions?" Fiona asked.

"Probably." Holly J answered quietly.

"Wh-what kind of questions do y-you think?" Fiona asked.

"I'm not sure, you could probably ask Officer Gretchan." Holly J replied.

Fiona shook her head, "No... I can't."

Holly J was silent for a few seconds.

"They'll probably ask you where he touched you... and stuff like that."

Fiona sat back down on the couch and pulled her legs up to her chest.

"What else do you think they'll ask?"

"I don't know..." Holly J said, pulling at a strand of her hair. "Maybe like... when it happened? In all honesty, Fi, I have no idea."

Fiona didn't say anything for a few moments.

"Are you and Declan going to come with me?" she finally asked.

"Of course, if you want us to that is."

"Yeah..." Fiona began, nodding her head slowly, "I think I do."

Holly J sat beside her.

"You know, you're _very_ brave to be doing all this." Holly J said.

Fiona wiped her eyes. "I'm _not_ brave."

"Yes you are."  
"No, Bobby made me scared of everything. Bobby made me scared of _you_!"

"Fiona..." Holly J began, but Declan walked into the room.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

"It's fine." Fiona said.

"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."

"In a few months you'll have to go to court... Gretchan called today." Declan said, taking a drink of water.

"Holly J told me." Fiona replied.

Declan sat down by Holly J and put his arm around her, then turned to Fiona again.

"And... what do you think about that?" he asked.

"Nothing much." Fiona said, lying of course.

"Gretchan said to call her if you have any questions." Declan said.  
"Oh." Fiona replied.

"Are you alright Fiona?" Declan asked.

Fiona nodded and forced herself to smile, but it wasn't convincing.

Declan took his sister's hand.

"What have you two been doing?" he asked.

"Magazines." Fiona answered, "Reading them..."

"Did you have fun?" he asked them.

Holly J smiled, "We had _lots_ of fun." she said.


	59. I Can't Lie To You

"Eat." Declan urged.

Fiona slipped a green bean onto her spoon and put it in her mouth.

"Eat more."

Fiona spooned more green beans into her mouth.

"Why don't you like to eat, Fiona?" Declan asked.

"Why don't I?" Fiona asked, dropping the spoon.

"That was the question." Declan replied.

Fiona sighed. "_Because_ I'm not hungry."

"Your stomach is always growling."

"But _I'm_ not hungry." Fiona said.

"You need to eat, every day, and more than just a piece of toast, Fi."

"First of all, why eat when you're not hungry? Second of all, I have better things to do."

"You eat so you'll _live_." Declan said.

Holly J had been quiet the whole time, but she spoke up.

"If you're worried about court, don't be. It won't even happen for a really long time." Holly J said.

"It'd seem like a lot shorter time if it was you." Fiona said, her voice wobbling.

"I know, Fiona, but court... it isn't that bad..." Holly J replied.

"It wouldn't be that bad if _he _wasn't there, but he will be." Fiona whispered.

"I know he hurt you, Fiona... but think of it as revenge... you want him to not be happy... and he sure as hell didn't want to go to court." Holly J said, reaching across the table for Fiona's hand.

"If I don't win, it'll be worse. Because then I'll lose and he'll know that I failed." Fiona whispered.

"He'll pay for it either way. He has to live with what he did to you for the rest of his life." Holly J said.

"And do you think he cares?" Fiona asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"He did something so bad to you, it has to haunt him." Holly J answered.

Fiona thought about this. Surely Bobby didn't feel bad, to beat her up all the time, and make her have sex with him, twice.

Fiona shook her head, "No... he doesn't care at all."

Logan was playing basketball with Ryan, Trent and Quinn. Tyler had a family reunion his mother was making him go to, and Jordan was sick.

"So what's up with that Fiona chick?" Trent asked, shooting the ball.

"What about her?" Logan asked, catching the ball that bounced off the hoop's rim.  
"Why's she all 'Don't touch me.' and 'Don't call me nicknames'?" Trent asked.

"She's had some hard times." Logan answered, shooting the ball.

"Hard times?" Quinn asked, dribbling the ball.

"Yes." Logan answered with an annoyed voice.

"What _kind_ of hard times?" Ryan asked stopping the ball and holding it under his arm.

"You guys can't tell anyone... ok? And you can't tell her I told you." Logan said, seeing that they wouldn't give up.

"Promise." all three boys said at once.

"Her old boyfriend, this Bobby Beckonridge basterd... he used to beat her up. He raped her, twice." Logan said in a whisper.

His friends were all silent until Ryan dropped the ball.

"Wow, man... that's tough." Ryan whispered.

"I hate seeing her like that." Logan said "When she's sad... and scared." Logan said.

"Is... is she getting help? Like a therapist?" Ryan asked.

"No. She hates therapists."

"Did she report it?" Trent asked.

"Her brother told me she was thinking about reporting it."

"Is she... like ok?" Ryan asked.

"She's _not_ ok... Ryan, obviously." Logan said with edginess on his voice.

"Sorry, dude, I'm not an expert on rape... or whatever." Ryan said.

"It's not _rape or whatever_, Ryan. It's more like the thing that happens in your life that will make you sad and scared for the rest of your life." Logan said.

"Dude..." Ryan began, but Logan interupted.

"I'm going to go visit her." he tossed the ball at Trent and turned around, walking away.

The three boys watched their friend leave in suprise. Logan didn't normally turn them down.

The doorbell rang. Fiona looked up at Declan, her eyes saying 'go and answer it'

Declan got up and opened the door.

"Hello Logan." he stated loudly, so Fiona would hear.

Fiona got up quickly and ran over to Logan.

"Hi!" she said excitedly.

"Hello, my friends were asking about you." Logan said.

"They were?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah... they wanted to know how you were doing."  
"_What do you mean?"_ Fiona asked, curiously.

"Just wondering how you are... nothing much." Logan answered, staring down at Fiona.

"Oh..." Fiona said quietly.

"How are you?" Logan said, taking her hand.

"Same as always." Fiona said, "How are you?"  
"I have to babysit my friends more then be friends with them." Logan said.

Fiona glanced up at him.

"I can't lie to you, Fiona." he said.

"Lie?" Fiona asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

"I told them what happened to you, so they'd treat you better, and not make you feel bad." Logan said.

For a split second, Fiona felt unbelieveably angry, but then she calmed herself down. Logan was only trying to help, and at least he told her.

"Ok." she said.

"Ok?" asked Logan, "You're not angry?"  
"No... I'm not." Fiona said, taking a deep breath and sitting down onto the couch.

"Thanks, Fiona." Logan said, sitting beside her.

"You know I'm going to court." Fiona said suddenly.  
"You are?" Logan asked.

"Yeah... I am." Fiona answered.

"Do... do you want me to come with you?" Logan asked, turning to face Fiona.

Fiona thought about it for a second.

"If you want to." she whispered.

"Do you want me to?"

"If you have time." Fiona answered.

"All the time in the world for you, Fiona." Logan answered.

Fiona smiled. "You know you're really great to me." she said.

Logan returned the smile and face Fiona, taking one of her hands.

"What ever happens, you're awesome." he said.

"In court... you mean?" Fiona asked.

"In anything and everything, Fiona." Logan replied.

Fiona gave him a curious look, but didn't say anything.

"What do you like about me?" Fiona asked after a long while.

"Lots of things." Logan answered.

Fiona leaned against him. "What things, though?" she asked.

He put his arm around her and rested his hand on her upper arm.

"You're smart, kind, pretty, fun... all around wonderful." he said.

"I'm not any of those things." Fiona answered.

"I think you are."

"I'm not smart, I kept going back to Bobby, I'm not nice, or pretty, or fun. I'm always being mean to everyone and never wanting to do anything." Fiona began.

"What are you talking about... Fiona?" Logan asked.

"I used to be happier then I am now... more fun."

"I don't know if there's anything that could make you better then you are right now." Logan insisted.

"Really?" Fiona asked, her voice showing a hint of excitement.

"I said I can't lie to you."


	60. Problem

Fiona woke up that night, she had been having a nightmare, again. Bobby made her feel like a toy. Like she was something only made for someone else's pleasure. She told this to Holly J once. Holly J had said "You aren't anyone's toy, Fiona. No one owns you." Holly J said.

Fiona didn't know why but when she told people certain thoughts, or certain things that happened, things that Bobby said, it made her feel better. Maybe just the thought of someone else knowing what happened was better. Declan knew everything. Holly J knew some pretty sickning, mean Bobby quotes and Logan knew a number of random parts that Fiona thought of.

"Holly J?" Fiona asked, lightly tapping Holly J's shoulder.

Holly J pushed her hand away.

"Holly J?" Fiona asked again, "Wake up."

Holly J woke up and Fiona smiled.

"I want to talk to you." Fiona said.

"Obnoxious much?" Holly J asked, rubbing her eyes.

Fiona's smile quickly faded, when Holly J saw she quickly said "Kidding, Fi, I'm just kidding."

"If you're tired... we don't have to talk now." Fiona said.

"No... I'm fine, Fiona. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"I wanted you to talk to me about something." Fiona said.

"Well... yeah... I'll contribute to our conversation." Holly J said, confused.

"That's not what I meant. Don't you have something that's stuck in your head... that you can't get out?" Fiona asked.

"Fiona..." Holly J began, "You _know_ that I'm not like you. I'm not good about talking about that kind of stuff." Holly J began.

"I wasn't at first either, and then it just happened and it feels good afterwards." Fiona said.

"I'd rather just forget about all the bad things that happen, Fiona, I don't need to tell you everything."

Fiona tilted her head, trying to read something out of Holly J. Finally, she said "Ok, I'll talk."

Holly J looked towards Fiona, "Ok, take off." she said.

"When I was little, like eight years old, we lived in Hungary." Fiona said.

Holly J listened, this wasn't about Bobby, this was something new. She was excited, a little. If she had a penny for everytime Fiona expressed how dirty she thought she was, how scared, and how strong Bobby is... then she'd be rich.

"Me and Declan played with a little girl named Jasmine. She was really nice, she was a year older then us though. She would always wear makeup saying it made her look grown up. She'd hang out at the park a lot, and mom and dad didn't care where we went so pretty much any time we wanted we could go see her at the park." Fiona continued.

"And one day... we went to the park and Jasmine was there crying. And Declan asked her what was wrong and she said that her dad was making her feel bad."

Fiona looked up at Holly J and gave a little laugh.

"And I said that we were sad that our dad was barely ever home and she said that that wasn't the kind of sad that he made her feel. She said that her dad hurt her and her mom."

Fiona stopped and looked toward Declan, and then back at Holly J.

"So we said we'd tell our parents, but she told us not to, because she was scared. And we said that we'd tell the cops maybe, and she didn't want us to tell them either. She wouldn't let us help her so I called her dumb and walked away." Fiona whispered.

"Oh..." Holly J managed to say.

"And Declan and I didn't understand why she wouldn't want anyone to help her... but I understand now." Fiona whispered.

"What else happened?" Holly J asked, now interested.

"I don't know, we were moving in four days and I didn't see her ever again."

"It's ok, Fiona, you guys were just little." Holly J said.

"We were stupid. If someone is like that, you should make them get help." Fiona said.

"Contridicting yourself a bit, Fi?" Declan asked, sitting up.

"What?" Fiona asked.

"I was listening to you guys." Declan said, "And I think you're being a little hypocritical."

"Hypocritical?" Fiona asked, in a voice that showed she was amused with his remark.

"You never let us help you." Declan pointed out.

"But that's not the same." Fiona insisted.

"Why not?" Declan asked.

"Because Jasmine was little."  
"You're my little sister." Declan said.

"By only an hour and a half." Fiona insisted.

Declan reached up and touched one of his sister's curls, "Little sister." he repeated, then added "And I only want what's best for you."

"I know you do, Decs." Fiona said.

"But you've opened up a lot more." Declan said, "So I suppose that's good."

"You suppose?" Fiona asked.

"It'd probably be better if you told this to a therapist." Declan said.

"Telling things to strangers isn't better." Fiona said.

"Strangers who went through years of college just to help people who have problems like you."

Fiona rolled her eyes.

"I won't make you do anything like that though." Declan said.

"Of course you won't." Holly J said, "No one can make her do anything except her."

Fiona had been telling Holly J how she thought everyone could boss her around, and make her do anything, after what Bobby had made her do.

Fiona glanced up at Holly J, then quickly looked back down.

"I know that." Declan said as he layed back down in the bed. Holly J did the same but Fiona stayed sitting up. Declan noticed and took her hand.

"Need some help?" he asked.

Fiona nodded and layed down by him, holding his hand.

"I know how scared you are of him." Declan whispered, after about thirty minutes, seeing that Fiona wasn't sleeping.

When Fiona didn't say anything, he spoke again.

"And I know how you feel powerless... and dirty... I wish you wouldn't." Declan said.

"I can't help it, Decs." Fiona whispered, tears starting pour from her eyes.

"No... I know, Fi... don't cry." Declan said.

"B-but now I'm making _you_ feel bad, Decs, and... and I feel bad either way, maybe I should j-just shut up." Fiona said.

"No, you shouldn't." Declan said, wiping her tears away with his thumb, "You should tell me anything you want to. It makes you feel better."

"You know how you feel when you're really sick?" Fiona asked.

Declan nodded.  
"That's how I feel all the time now. Everytime I move, I ache, and there's nothing I ever feel like doing. Plus, I'm scared." Fiona whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Fiona."  
"And I feel discusting... and when he told me to do s-something I did it...I was scared ... and he made me give him a bl-" Declan slapped his hand over her mouth.

She looked at him with a strange look in her eyes, and he took his hand off of her mouth.

"Sorry... Fi..." Declan began, "I've been able to listen to the other _detailed _parts... but that... nevermind Fi... you can go on."

"No... that's ok, it was discusting, you wouldn't want to hear it."

"If you really want to tell me things, then I want to listen, really." Declan told his sister.

"That's ok, it's not something I need to say." Fiona said.

"Alright, if you're sure." Declan said, happy that she didn't want to tell him about Bobby making her... ugh... just the thought of it...

Fiona rolled closer to Declan.

"But I'd like to talk to you... about something else." she said.

"What is that?" Declan asked.

"Pregnancy." Fiona whispered.

"What?" Declan asked, looking down at his sister.

"I might have a bit of a problem." Fiona whispered.

"A... a problem?" Declan asked.

"The nurse... the other day she said that... that the chances have raised... the kind of pill I took... I didn't have much money on me... so I got a really cheap kind..."  
"That's ok, Fi..." Declan said finally. "Holly J and I will help... if you are... you know." Declan said.

Fiona looked at him and nodded.

"Try to get some sleep, Fiona."

Fiona closed her eyes and hoped sleep would come.

**-Ok, dear 'the two people who read this story' do you want Fiona to be pregnant or not? Your pick... either way is **_**fine**_**. So just click the review thing and then I'll just do whatever ya' say. Thanks!-**


	61. Test

Fiona woke up and saw Holly J typeing on the computer.

"We have a schedual today." Holly J said, seeing Fiona was awake.

"We do?" Fiona asked, rubbing her arm. In her dream Bobby had hurt her.

"Take you to the doctor, pick up El, and come back. Logan wants to see you too." Holly J said.

"He does?" Fiona asked.

Holly J spun the chair around, facing her friend, "Yeah." she smiled and walked over to Fiona.

"You know, Logan really likes you. It's fun to see you with a boyfriend." Holly J said.

"A boyfriend?"  
"You guys aren't dating?" Holly J asked.

Fiona was quiet, "I don't know... we kind of are..."

"Well... anyway... we've got to go sometime soon..." Holly J began.

"Where's Declan?" Fiona asked.  
"I don't know, he said he was going to take a walk." Holly J said, she had turned around and started typing again.

Declan looked around. He'd been there before... but he didn't remember where exactly it was. He walked down and saw a small shackish house. The car was gone... that meant Logan was probably gone too. Just in case, Declan knocked on the door. A woman with a cigarette between two fingers opened the door.

"Hello, is Logan here?" Declan asked.

"Logan? Hell no, he's out playing basketball, why?" the woman asked.

Declan eyed her. She appeared to be drunk.

"I have to talk to him." Declan said.

"Who are you?" the woman asked.

"I'm one of his friends." Declan answered, "I don't know if you know Fiona... but she's my sister, and I have to talk to him."

"The rich bitch?" the woman asked.

Declan stared at the woman for a few seconds and then answered "Fiona Coyne."

"Logan's out playing basketball." the woman repeted.

Declan could see this was useless. "Thank you for your time." he walked away "You're a real joy." he muttered under his breath.

He started down the street until he found a small basketball court with a few boys playing ball in it. Logan was one of them.

They didn't notice he had came though, and he didn't say anything.

"If that crazy basterd beat you up, Logan you should hit him back." one boy said.

Logan rolled his eyes. "He was drunk, it won't happen again and mom never keep boyfriends for long."

Logan noticed Declan and turned to him.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Not much." Declan said, seeing that there were five or so other people with him.

"Guys, this is Declan, Fiona's brother, and Declan, this is Jordan, Ryan, Trent, Quinn, and Tyler."

"Hi Declan." Trent said.

"Hello."

"Tell your sis we say hi. We're really sorry about what happened to her." Ryan said.

Declan forced himself to smile. The boys had a good meaning... he guessed.

Declan motioned for Logan to follow him. Logan held up one finger to his friends, hinting 'one second' and followed Declan to the corner of the court.

"Did something happen?" Logan asked, obviously worried.

Declan sighed and looked at Logan, "Fi... she might be pregnant..." He said.

Logan was obviously shocked. He didn't say anything.

"If she is... which we don't know if she is or not... will you help her... and the baby... if she has it?" Declan asked.

Logan was silent for a few minutes, finally he said, "Of course I will."

Declan was quiet.

"You know how much I love your sister." Logan said, "And I'd do anything for her."

"You know... I should've known." Fiona said, back at home.

"Should've known what?" Holly J asked, typing still.

"The first date he was really nice... but when I went to his house he slapped me and threw me around... but he told me he was working on it... but I shouldn't have listend."

"What's done is done. No use pondering over it now." Holly J said.

Fiona sighed, Holly J wasn't always a good listener.

"Where's Declan do you think?"

"Outside." Holly J answered.

"What are you doing?" Fiona asked, getting up and walking over to the screen.

Holly J slammed the laptop shut.

"Wow... uh... I wasn't too curious... but now I am." Fiona said.

"It was nothing." Holly J said, turning to Fiona and smiling.

"Porn?" Fiona guessed.

Holly J couldn't help but laugh, "No!"

"Let me see it." Fiona said, lifting the laptop away from Holly J. She opened it.

"Give that back!" Holly J said, getting up.  
"Just let me see!" Fiona said, running away from Holly J.

"No, it's not interesting."  
"If it's nothing bad why won't you show it to me?" Fiona asked.

"It's personal... ok, Fiona?" Holly J said, her voice strained.

Fiona's playful smile faded and she handed the laptop to Holly J who took it and shut it off.

"Thanks." Holly J said quietly.

"You're welcome." Fiona answered, sitting back down on the bed. She couldn't help but wonder what Holly J had to hide. After all, 'never had she ever been hurt.' Fiona decided since they shared the computer she'd read it later... or maybe... Holly J might not want her to... well she _obviously_ didn't want her to, but if she never figured out... Fiona would know more and Holly J would be the same.

Fiona decided that if Declan wasn't going to come home yet, she'd go to sleep. She she had a terrible dream.

_"Fiona, I love you." Bobby said, getting off of her._

_Fiona was crying._

_"Fifi... did you hear me?" Bobby asked._

_"Y-you don't love me." Fiona whispered._

_"Yes I do, Fifi." Bobby said._

_"N-no you d-don't." Fiona began reaching for her clothes to put them back on._

_"Don't put those back on now bitch. For your stupid little remarks we'll do it for another hour." Bobby said, grabbing her wrist.  
She looked up at him, her eyes fearful and filled with hatred._

_He shifted back ontop of her._

"Bobby, please stop... please!"

Holly J looked over at her friend who was screaming and crying.

"Fiona, wake up..." she said, lightly touching her friend's shoulder. She sat on the edge of the bed.

"Fi..." Holly J said again.

Fiona rolled over and wrapped her arms around Holly J's waist in her sleep, but she was still crying and muttering things.

"Fiona... wake up." she said a little louder.

Fiona woke up and looked at Holly J, she was crying so hard she was trembling.

"You're ok... Fi..." Holly J whispered.

Fiona didn't say anything so Holly J just held her there.

It must be terrible, Holly J thought, to not be able to sleep. If you have a problem, usually sleep is the best thing, but Fiona just relives her problem in sleep.

She looked down at her friend, she had bruises on her arms and legs. Grip marks. Her shirt that had rolled up in her sleep exposed about an inch of her waist... covered with bruises. They were reminders.

Holly J gave her friend a reassuring smile. "When you go to court... he'll be put in jail for what he did. There's no way you can lose that case."

Fiona kept crying.

Holly J got up and got her camera.

"Let me take pictures of your bruises." she said.

Fiona looked up at her like she was crazy.

"For evidence." Holly J said.

Fiona extended her arm and Holly J took the picture.

Next they did her other arm, then her legs, her face, her torso, and her back. A picture of her busted lip... and fingernail scratchings on her.

"See, how can they _not _find him guilty?" Holly J said, looking through the pictures on her digital camera.

She continued to scroll through them... they were terrible. They looked almost fake... they were purple and black... worse then any bruises she'd ever seen. She couldn't bring her eyes away from them.

She set her camera down and walked over to Fiona, lifting her arm and looking at it closer. She was gentle, they probably hurt a lot. She snapped another picture

"Oh my god, Fiona." Holly J said, looking at the picture.

Fiona pulled her arm away and brought her legs close to her chest.

"I don't want to do this anymore." she said through her tears.

Holly J turned the camera off. "Ok... we won't." she said, sitting by her friend.

"I might be pregnant." Fiona whispered.

Holly J turned to her friend.  
"Really?"

Fiona nodded and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"Just might be... though... right?" Holly J asked.  
Fiona nodded again.

"Well don't get too worried." Holly J said. "You probably aren't pregnant."

"And if I am?" Fiona asked.

"Then Ellie will have a cousin." Holly J said.

Declan got home and saw Fiona with Holly J.  
"Hey guys... we're a bit late. Hurry and get ready." He said.

"Where'd you go?" Holly J asked.  
"Just around the block." Declan answered.

"The block doesn't take that long." Holly J remarked.

"I stopped at a friend's house." Declan said.

Holly J could hardly believe this but she decided to leave him alone.

"Are you alright?" Declan asked, looking at his sister.

She nodded and managed a weak smile.

He took her hand and helped her up. Sometimes it hit him like a train, _Fiona is really messed up, _he thought. He wished he could do something to make her feel safe and happy again. His sister got beaten and raped. He should be able to help. He was always able to help before.

He put and arm around his sister and walked out the door and to the car. Holly J followed.

"Doctor first." Declan said.

Fiona groaned. The doctor. She hated going to the doctor. It was embarassing and uncomfortable. But, she had to figure out if she was pregnant or not... she had to.

Declan pulled into a parking spot and opened the door for Fiona and took her hand, walking into the building.

Holly J felt a tinge of jelousy. She couldn't help it, and she knew it was bad... she quickly pushed the thought away.

They waited in the small, plain waiting room until Fiona's name was called.

"Hello, Fiona. I heard you're going to court?" the doctor said.

Fiona nodded.

"Good for you."

There was silence and the doctor gently held Fiona's arm, and excamined the bruises and cuts.

"Tell me if I hurt you." Dr. Addler said.

Fiona nodded.

Dr. Addler ran his finger over a few of her bruises. Fiona flenched and her stopped.

"Is the medicine working?" Dr. Addler asked.

Fiona nodded.

"Ok then... now I need to do some tests... we're going to need you to put this on." he said holding up a paper outfit.

Fiona went into the bathroom and came out with the dress on.

"Ok... now lie down and put your feet in the stirrups... we'll test for pregnancies and STDs now."


	62. Ok

"We have good news for you, Miss Coyne." a new doctor said entering the room. Fiona was straightening her clothes that she had just put back on.

"And?" she asked.

"You're not pregnant."

Fiona let out her breath. What a relief.

"You are also free from sexually transmitted diseases."

"Thank you." Fiona whispered.

"You're very welcome." the doctor said opening the door and allowing Fiona to exit.

"And... what's the results?" Declan asked.

"I don't have anything... and I'm not pregnant." Fiona said, she sounded like she was sad.

"What's wrong, Fiona?" Holly J asked, "You should be happy."

Fiona forced herself to smile. "No... I am happy." she said.

"If there's something wrong you can tell us." Declan said.

Fiona shook her head, "I'm just thinking." she whispered.

Declan took her hand, "We've got to pick up Ellie now." he said as they walked out the door. Holly J walked beside him and took his other hand.  
"Jelous?" asked Declan, joking.

"No!" Holly J answered.

"Kidding... Holly J..." Declan said, getting into the car.

Holly J managed a meek laugh.

They went into Mrs. Sinclair's house.

"How was she?" Holly J asked.  
"Fine... she knows 'grandma' now." Mrs. Sinclair said, leading Ellie over to Declan who was down on his knees and talking to her.

Holly J smiled.

"And how is Fiona?" Mrs. Sinclair asked, looking at Fiona.

Since Fiona and Declan's parents weren't around, Mrs. Sinclair had often checked up on them.  
"I'm ok." Fiona said, with a small smile.

"Good, sweetie." Holly J's mother answered.

"Well... I'll see Ellie again when?" Mrs. Sinclair asked.

"Probably around next weekened?" Holly J suggested. "And when Fi has to go to court, she wants us to go with her... so you'll probably have her then too."

Mrs. Sincliar nodded, glancing at Fiona and giving her a small smile, "I'd be glad to watch her anytime."

"Thanks, mom." Holly J said, giving her mother a one armed hug.

Ellie ran over to Fiona and hit her aunt's leg. Fiona cringed a little, but smiled down at Ellie.

"Don't hit, Ellie." Holly J said.

Fiona picked up Ellie, she was getting heavier... or Fiona wasn't as strong as she used to be.

"Good bye, Mrs. Sinclair." Fiona said as she headed out the door. Declan said the same, and Holly J said "Goodbye, mom, thanks again."

"No problem sweetie." Mrs. Sinclair answered. "Fiona?" she asked.

Fiona turned around, "Yes?"  
"Tell me if you ever need anything ok?"

"I will." Fiona said.

"Alright honey, goodbye."  
When they got home, Fiona wanted to go visit Logan.

"If you would've told me that when we were in the car I would have drove you." Declan said, a tiny bit annoyed.

Fiona rolled her eyes.

"Are you going to walk?" Declan asked.

Fiona nodded.  
"I'm going to walk you there then." Declan said.

"Why?" Fiona asked.  
"To keep you safe."

Fiona smiled a little.

Declan slipped his hand into her's and they walked out the door.

They walked in almost silence. When they got to Logan's house, Declan stood bye until his sister was in the house, then her turned around and began walking.

He walked past Wal-Mart and saw Bobby. Bobby, the man who beat up Fiona. The man who raped his sister. He wanted to badly to just kill the man right there. Bobby saw him and walked over.

"Hey, Declan." he said

Declan stared at him.

"How can you even talk to me after what you did to my sister?" Declan asked, rage showing through his voice.

"I was really drunk... I didn't mean to." Bobby said, "Honestly... I have anger issues... I'm bipolar." Bobby acted as if he had done nothing more then break a vase.

"I really don't give a fuck if you were drunk or high or whatever. You beat up my sister, you tricked her into taking drugs, you raped her twice..." Declan started, his fists clenched.

"I'm sorry... it's just... if she would drop the case and..."  
"So that's what this is about." Declan said.

Bobby was silent.

"Fi isn't going to drop the case." Declan stated.

"I just want to forget it ever happened." Bobby said.

"_You_ do?" Declan asked, rage growing more and more. "You think Fiona doesn't?"

When Bobby didn't reply, Declan spoke again.

"How could you do that to her? How _could _you? Fiona didn't do _anything _to you, she wanted to make you happy and you hurt her!" Declan stated. He should hurt this man, afterall he hurt Fiona. Yes, Bobby would punch Fiona, kick her, slap her... no one hit Bobby back, he deserved to be hit back. He deserved to have dark bruises and ache like Fiona did... does.

Declan's fist shot out and smashed into Bobby's face.

"What are you doing here?" Logan's mother asked Fiona.

"I came to see Logan." Fiona answered. Logan's mother wasn't pleasent.

"Get out."

"Oh mom..." Logan said, walking out of his room and taking Fiona by the hand. "Come on." he led her to his room.

She sat down on his bed.

"It got aired up." Fiona remarked, sitting on the air matress.

"So it did." Logan answered, laying beside where she was sitting. She layed down too.

"How are you?" he asked.

Fiona didn't reply, she rolled closer to him and layed her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

Logan sat for a few moments before putting one of his arms around her.

"Did you go to the doctor?" he asked.

Fiona nodded.

"Are you pregnant?" Logan asked quietly.

"No." Fiona whispered.

Logan didn't react to this.

"You know..." he started, finally, "if you would have been, I would've helped."

Fiona didn't say anything.

"Why'd you come over here?" Logan asked.

Fiona was silent for a second. "I just got lonely..." she started to say, but she started crying before she could finish.

Logan rolled on his side and put both arms around her.

"You don't ever have to be lonely." he whispered to her.

She let out a sad laugh, she was still crying, and burried her face in his chest.

Logan held her until she stopped crying.

"Are you ok now?" he asked.

Fiona didn't answer, so Logan wiped her tears away with his thumb.

"You're ok." he said, answering for her and holding her closer to him.

"I don't know what to do." Fiona whispered.

"I know you don't... I don't either, but we'll make it, won't we?" Logan asked.

Fiona nodded.

"See, it'll be ok." Logan said, resting his hand on her back.

The front door closed to the house, they could hear it. Logan got up and looked out of his room.

"Fiona... you should go." he said quickly.

Fiona looked up, "Why?"

"Please just go." Logan said in a rushed voice, walking over to her and grabbing her hand, leading her out of his room.

"But I don't want to leave."

"Please, Fiona!" Logan said in a strained voice.

Fiona pulled away but Logan ran over to her and picked her up.

"Get out, Fiona." Logan said, carrying her through the house and out the door.

"Logan... I don't understand."

Fiona looked back and saw a man in the house.

"Scott?" she asked.

"Yes, it's Scott, now you need to go."  
'Come with me."  
Logan looked back at the house and then down at Fiona.

"I need to stay home."

"Logan..."

Logan put her down and held her hands in his. "I'll be fine. He won't hurt me, he's just annoying, that's all."

Fiona's blue eyes stared up at him, it was obvious she didn't believe him.

"I'll be fine, Fiona." Logan said, giving her a hug.

"But..."  
"Please go."

Fiona nodded and started to walk away. When Logan was sure that she was going home he turned and went back to the house.

Declan punched at Bobby again. There. See how Fiona felt when she got punched? See how she felt when she got kicked, slapped, thrown around like some kind of rag doll?

Of course, Declan couldn't hurt Bobby as much as he hurt Fiona. Fiona was little compared to Bobby, and Bobby and Declan were about the same size. Plus, Declan had no intentions of raping Bobby.

"Where's your poise and matureness?" Bobby asked, his voice hinting in pain. Bobby wasn't fighting back at all. Declan found it strange. He could beat up Fiona, his girlfriend, for no reason at all, but if someone else was beating him up, he would do nothing.

Maybe he should stop, he thought. He quickly glanced up. They were in the middle of nowhere. No one would see... or would they? He stopped the punching, but looked at Bobby.

_He raped your sister._

Declan stopped and thought about how sad and scared his sister was. Bobby used her, like some type of object, like a sex object. Declan punched him one more time before stepping back.

"That was a little silly wasn't it?" Bobby asked, dusting himself off. There were already bruises forming on him, Declan knew he had to have been hurt, the stupid basterd was just pretending.

"No, it wasn't." Declan said.  
"Beating me up... for no reason?" Bobby started "That's si-"

"You _raped _my sister. There _is _a reason."

"That's between me, and your sister." Bobby said with an amused smile on his face.

"You don't understand. Every night she cries because she can't go to sleep because she's afraid you'll come and hurt her." Declan said, growing angry again and forcing himself not to lash out and beat Bobby right there.

"And..." Declan continued, "She will never eat, she thinks you'll hit her if you raise your hand at all..."

"Why should I c_are?_" Bobby asked.

Declan stopped. He was right. Of course Bobby wouldn't care, he's Bobby.

Declan glanced over and saw... his sister? Yes... Fiona was walking toward him and she looked upset. He walked toward her leaving Bobby there.

"Fi, are you ok? What happened?"

Fiona started talking, "Logan..." she began.

"What did he do to you?" Declan asked, growing angry.

"He didn't do anything." Fiona said. Logan was probably fine. He probably didn't want anyone's help.

"What's wrong then?" Declan asked, putting an arm around his sister.

"Logan just had to go... I had to go home early, and I'm upset."  
"You've used that excuse before, Fi, what's wrong?"

Fiona opened her mouth to answer but then saw Bobby. Her mouth went dry and she scooted closer to her brother.

"Decs... lets go."

"He won't hurt you." Declan answered.

"Please... Declan." Fiona said, but Bobby had saw that she was there, and he was heading toward her.

He walked next to her and punched her before Declan could even react. Fiona cried out and leaned against her brother who was trying to help her.

"Thank your _brother_ for that." Bobby said, walking away.

Fiona looked up at Declan, "What?" she asked in a tiny, tiny voice.

"I punched him a few times... he made me mad, Fi." Declan answered, running his finger across the bruise that was already forming over his sister's cheek.

Her blue eyes, with tears forming in them stared at him, a questioning look.

"He hurt my sister, I had to do something."

Fiona smiled a small smile.

"Are you ok?"  
She nodded.

"Lets go home then." Declan said, holding his sister's hand.

Fiona walked home, thinking about Logan... and if he was ok.


	63. Chapter 63

_Fiona stared up at the ceiling. She wishes Declan were here. She should get out. Bobby might hurt her again. Bobby took her virginity, she wasn't a virgin anymore. She had had sex. That wasn't sex. It was rape. Or maybe she had asked for it. She let out a cry. _

_"You were good for a virgin." Bobby said, sitting beside her._

_Fiona wrapped herself in a hug, she was trembling. _

_He slid his hand up her leg. She was afraid to protest. He reached her thighs and she slapped his hand away._

_"You bitch!" Bobby said jumping ontop of her and holding her down by her shoulders. He shoved his tongue into her mouth. That was her first kiss._

_"If you don't want to have sex again, you should shut up and listen to me." he told her. "Understand, Fifi?"  
She nodded and cried. He sat beside her and put his arm around her._

_She was still hurting, Bobby haden't even tried to be gentle with her. She felt discusting._

_"You're such a whore." Bobby says "You didn't even get married, and you're already having sex."_

"Fiona..."

Fiona opened her eyes, clearing the picture of Bobby after the _first _time out of her head. She'd been crying.

"You're ok, Fiona." Declan said, sitting by his sister.

"It was my first t-time. _He _took m-my virginity." Fiona whispered.

Declan held his sister tighter.

"I don't s-see how anyone c-could enjoy that... i-it hurt." Fiona said.

"If you do it with the right person... when you want to, it's better." Declan whispered.

"I never w-wanted to."

"And you shouldn't have had to." Declan whispered to her.

"D-Decs?"  
"Yes?"

"In court... h-he won't hurt me... will he?" Fiona asked.

"Of course not, I would never let him hurt you again, Fi."

Fiona cuddled closer to her brother.

"Thanks." she whispered.

"For what?"  
"For being here." Fiona answered

"It's the least I can do for my little sister." Declan said.

"I can't be happy." Fiona whispered, "I tried... and I can't."

"Don't say that, Fi. You have Holly J, Me, and Logan. Logan's your perfect boyfriend. The one you've always wanted."

Fiona opened her mouth to say something, but the phone rang.

"Hello? Yes, she's here." Declan said, looking over at Fiona. "Yeah, just a moment."

"Who is it?" Fiona asked when Declan handed the phone to her.

"Gretchan."  
Fiona took the phone.

"Hello."  
"Hello, Fiona. This is regarding court. It'll be in a four weeks, May 18th."  
"May?" Fiona asked her voice cracking.

"Yes. Tomarow, you're going to need to go over things with your lawyer."

Fiona was silent.

"You'll be fine, Fiona. You're a strong girl." Officer Gretchan said on the other line.

"Bye." Fiona whispered and closed the phone. She knew that Gretchan probably wasn't finnished talking to her. She was being a bit rude but she didn't care. May was barely a month away.

"What did she say?" Declan asked, sitting by his sister again.

"May." Fiona whispered.

"Court is in May?" Declan asked.

Fiona nodded.

"Well, you'll get it over with." Declan told her.

Fiona leaned against Declan.

"Take me to Logan's house." she said.

"Now?"  
"Yes."

"Alright... Fi." Declan said, sounding a bit annoyed.

He got up, and helped Fiona up.

"Where are you going?" Holly J asked.

"She wants to go to Logan's house."  
"I'll take her." Holly J offered.

"Thanks." Declan said.

Holly J took Fiona by her hand and led her out the door.

"Ellie's asleep on the couch." Holly J yelled back to Declan.

They didn't talk much in the car and when they got to the house Fiona got out and waved to Holly J. Holly J waved back and turned the car around. Another car was just leaving Logan's drive.

Fiona knocked on the door.

Logan answered it after a few minutes.

He was holding his side and there was blood on his shirt.

Fiona was speechless.

He gave her a small smile, "Come in." he said, he was obviously in pain.

"A-are you ok?" Fiona asked, coming in the door.

"Just fine." Logan said, a smile engraved on his face.

"I...I don't believe you." Fiona said.

Logan sat on the couch and lifted his shirt, there was a bloody gash were his hand had been. Fiona could only stare.

"Can you get me a bandaid... they're in the cabbinet above the stove."

Fiona sat beside him instead, and dug through her purse. She found some rubbing achohol, tissues, and pills.

"Take this." she said handing him a pill. He didn't question it.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Scott... he got carried away, a bit."  
"A bit?"  
"He had a knife at the time, it isn't too deep though." Logan answered, as if it were no big deal.

Fiona had never been stabbed. Bobby would throw things at her that were made of glass, and sometimes that would cut her, but she'd never ever been stabbed.  
She poured some achohol onto a tissue.

"This will sting a little... but it prevents infections... I had to use it all the time." she said.

She slowly placed the tissue on his side. He clenched his teeth, it did sting. He told himself to suck it up. Fiona went through this stuff, and more. Fiona was still strong, he should be too.

"It does sting." He said.

Fiona let out a small smile. "Tell me about it."

He reached up and touched the side of her face.

"What happened?"  
"I ran into Bobby yesterday." Fiona whispered as she got more things to help Logan out of her purse. It seemed as if she kept a whole first aid kit in there.

"You ok?"  
"Sure." Fiona said, she looked sad, and nervous.

"Something's bothering you."

"No." Fiona said calmly.

"I can tell, don't lie to me. You don't have to."

"Court is in May... May 18th. I don't want to go." Fiona said quietly.

"I'd better mark my calander." Logan said, slowly getting up after Fiona had 'fixed' his wound. He excamined it.

"Good job." he said.

"I had a lot of practice." Fiona said standing up beside him.

He walked into his room and layed down on the bed, Fiona followed him and layed down beside him.

He put his arm around her and looked at her, like he was studying her, trying to remember everything about her.

"You're beautiful." he told her.

Her expression didn't change, she just returned his gaze.

"Everything about you is perfect." he said.

She still didn't say anything.

"You're facisnating, and brave, and you're so darn cute." he said brushing her hair out of her face.

She had to smile.

"And the coolest thing is... that we don't even have to be doing anything together. Just you being here..." Logan's voice faded as he looked into Fiona's eyes.

"I love you." he said.

Fiona didn't say anything back. She opened her mouth, but then closed it again.

"You don't have to say it, cause' I know you feel it." Logan said to her with a smile.

He rolled closer to her and they stayed like that for a few minutes. Fiona loved it. She felt safe and warm in his arms, and he was gentle, making sure not to hurt her in any way. She knew why he was so great. He knew. He understood how hard it is, when someone who everyone thinks is so great hurts you. You can't tell anyone, because they might side with the other guy, and you can't get out of it that easy, because then they'll hurt you more. You've just got to plaster a smile to your face and try to go on.

Logan started talking to her... she didn't know what he was saying... but she fell asleep before he stopped.

He looked over at her, she was asleep. How long had he been talking to someone asleep? He watched her stomach move up and down as she breathed. She hugged her tighter and tried to get comfy with his new cut right on his side. Fiona had helped it though. She'd helped a lot.

He burried his face in her hair, it smelled like strawberries and perfect-ness, like Fiona. He went to sleep.

He woke up, three hours later, Fiona was still sleeping. She looked so peaceful, like an angel, when she slept, he thought. He covered her up and walked out of the room, in search of his phone. He looked around the house. His mother wasn't here, neither was Scott. His pain pills Fiona had given him must have wore off too, his side hurt like hell.

He found his phone and called Declan.

"Fiona's with me, in case you're wondering."  
"Oh... thanks for telling me." Declan's tired voice replied.

"What have you been doing?" Logan asked.

"Taking care of Ellie. Holly J's getting her beauty sleep."  
"Fiona's asleep right now. She's beautiful when she sleeps." Logan said.

"Is that all you ever talk about?"  
"What?"  
"How beautiful my sister is?"

"Mostly." Logan answered smileing at the phone.

"I'll bet she likes that."

"I'm hopeing she does."  
"I've got to go, Ellie... she's running wild."  
"Ok. Bye."  
"Bye."

Logan closed the phone and got some water and went back to his room. It was a mess. He wondered if Fiona cared. He sat down on the airmatress by Fiona. He ran his fingers through her hair. He loved her curly hair. He got up and got a book and began to read.

It wasn't ten minutes before Fiona started crying.

"Get away from me!" she said, through her tears.

"Leave me alone! That _hurts!_"

Logan shook her awake.

"Fiona, you're here, not with him."

Fiona woke up her whole face wet from tears. Logan wiped them away.

"You're with me, Fiona, not with him."

"The dreams seem so real." Fiona whispered.

"I know they do." Logan said rubbing her back while he hugged her, trying to make her feel better, "But they aren't real."

"It hurts like it did when it happened." Fiona said.

Logan hadn't thought about that. That her dreams might be painful. He imagined they were just scary.

"But you're ok now." he told her, looking into her sad eyes.

"I...I was a virgin before him." Fiona whispered.

Logan looked down at her.

"I still hurt from him... from _that_." Fiona said.

Logan didn't know what to do, except to hug her.

"I was his little whore."

"You're _not_ a whore." Logan told her.

"Ok... Bobby's sex machine." Fiona whispered.

"You're no one's 'machine', Fiona, you're a person. You're your own person."

"Then how come he could make me do what ever he wanted, huh? I'm his little toy. I was made for him to have fun with, and that's all."

"You're not his little toy, Fiona."

"No matter how hard I fought, he wouldn't stop, and he took me anyway." Fiona whispered.

Logan rocked her back and forth.

"I can still feel him in me... on me..." she said quietly.

"It'll start to get better, eventually." Logan told her, growing angry at the thought of Bobby, making Fiona do something so terifying, something that she didn't want to do, something that hurt her.

"I don't think it will." Fiona said, sounding more sad then she'd ever sounded before.

"It will, I promise." Logan told her, holding her tight, but making sure not to hurt her bruises and cuts.

"Y-you're the only one." Fiona whispered.  
"The only what?" Logan asked.

"The only one who's gentle." Fiona answered.

"Well I try to be, Fiona. I don't want to hurt you."

"I feel discusting." Fiona said.

"You shouldn't feel gross. He should."

"I can always feel him... and smell him."

Logan brushed her hair away from her face. He didn't know what else to do. He was imagineing it, not on purpose of course. It was like a curse. He knew how Fiona must feel, always thinking about it, and not being able to push it away.

"Why don't we talk about something happy?" he asked, trying to think of anything to get the image of Fiona and Bobby away from his mind.

Fiona layed her head on Logan's chest.

"Unless you want to keep talking about it... it's ok if you do." Logan added quietly.

"Can I trust you?" Fiona asked.

Logan looked down at her, "Of course."

Fiona didn't say anything else for a few minutes.

"Do you trust me?" she finally asked.

"With all my heart."

"Do you trust me?" Logan asked.

Fiona smiled a small smile, but didn't say anything.


	64. Chapter 64

Fiona woke up from a nightmare again, she was asleep on Logan's airmatress. She must have woken him up, because he slowly opened his eyes and yawned.

"Do you have your phone? Fiona asked.

"Yeah, why?" Logan said, handing the phone to Fiona.

"Can I stay over here tonight?" Fiona asked, flipping the phone open and dialing numbers.  
"Yes." Logan said, "If you want to."

"Hey, Declan?" Fiona asked into the phone, "I'm staying with Logan tonight... ok?" "Yeah... I will, thanks, bye, I love you too."

She closed the phone and put it on Logan's desk.

"It's pretty boring here." Logan said.

"Oh no it isn't. You're here." Fiona replied, sitting back down on the bed.

"What are you planning to do all day?" Logan asked.

"What kind of stuff do you have?"  
"Nothing... I've already said that." Logan said.

Fiona was quiet.

"Let me take you somewhere..." Logan began, "that will make you feel happier."  
"Where?" Fiona asked quietly.

"You'll have to wait and see." Logan said, holding ou his hand to her to help her up.

When she stood up he crawled out the window.

"Why are we..." Fiona began to ask but Logan put a finger to his lips and reached up for her hand. He helped her out of the window.

"Scott might be home, I don't know." he said, "He won't know I'm here if we leave quietly.

When they were outside, Fiona clung to him like a leech. She acted scared, as if she were in the middle of a battle field. He put his arm around her

"Don't be scared, Fiona." Logan told her, bringing her closer to him, "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Why are you so scared, Fiona?" Logan asked, turning around the corner.

Fiona forced herself to smile. "I'm not scared of anything. What makes you think that?"

"You're shaking." Logan told her, stopping to wait for cars to go by.

"Well, maybe I am scared... a little." Fiona said.

"Of what?" Logan asked.

"_He _is out here." Fiona said, "I'm scared of _him."_

"Well don't be... I mean, I'd be scared of him too, if I were you, but you can't just never go anywhere because he might be there."

"Yeah but... he's bigger then me... and he can h-hurt me. It's scary." Fiona whispered.

"He can't hurt you if I'm here, or if Declan is there... and I'm here right now, so lighten up."

"So now we have the house all to ourselves." Holly J said happily.  
"Yeah." Declan said, his eyes darted to Ellie, who was asleep on the couch. "Except for El." his voice was glum.

"Ellie's asleep Declan." Holly J said.

Declan glanced down at Holly J. "So she is."

Holly J smiled.

"We haven't... since Ellie came." she said.

"We've been busy with her... and Fi." Declan replied.

Holly J kissed his neck, but Declan pulled away.

Holly J gave him a questioning look.

"I don't want you... us... to get pregnant again." he whispered.  
Holly J rolled her eyes, "We _won't_ I'm on the pill."

Declan looked down at her, "You were on the pill then too."

"Fiona's done it twice and she didn't get pregnant either time." Holly J said.

"That doesn't mean anything... and god, don't talk about that."

"Why not, you weren't there." Holly J said, getting a little annoyed.

"Do you ever accidentally picture it... in your head?" Declan asked.

Holly J rolled her eyes. "Perv." she said, sarcastically.  
"I'm serious, J."

This wasn't the way she had pictured the conversation going.

"Sometimes." she said quietly.

"It bothers me." Declan said.

"I should hope pictureing your sister getting raped would bother you."

"Don't say that word, J." Declan said quietly. Holly J could tell he was very upset.

"Sorry..."

Declan sat beside Ellie on the couch and Holly J sat on the arm rest beside him.

"Soon... she'll go to court and she'll start to feel better." Holly J said.

"It's not fair. She was supposed to find someone special... and maybe if she wanted to, she could give her virginity to him. And now, some prick took it from her." Declan said, sounding very angry.

"Stop thinking about it then, Declan." Holly J said.

"You don't wake up like I do and have her say how bad it hurt, and how scary it was, Holly J!"

"She talks to me too, Declan. She says the same things to me." Holly J insisted, "You don't wake up all the time... and you aren't always home. Sometimes I have to help her."

"But she isn't your sister." Declan insisted.

Holly J got up and put her hands on her hips. "She isn't?" she asked, "I thought she was going to be my sister. She's my baby's aunt, after all."

"That's not what I meant. Don't get all pissed off." Declan said.

Holly J walked up the stairs "No... I'm not pissed off. Now you better go and find Fiona... because no one gives a fuck about her but you!"

Declan started to get up but decided against it. He'd let Holly J get over herself. She was just being silly.

"This is were I would go to school when I was little." Logan said walking around an old building, "This was my fifth grade class room, and see that drawing down there with the permanant marker in the corner of the window?"

Fiona nodded, "Is that a..." she began.

"Er... yeah... it's a dick... me and Tyler drew that... well, Tyler dared me to."  
Fiona laughed a little and looked inside the building.  
"It's not a school anymore?" she asked, seeing the desks were stacked instead of spread out.

"It's just an old building... they didn't know what to do with the stuff so they use it as a storage place, pretty much."

Logan walked by the door and absent mindedly tugged on the knob. He didn't expect it to budge, but it did.

He walked inside and motioned for Fiona to follow him.

"Are we aloud to go in there?" Fiona asked.

"I dunno'." Logan said, waiting for her to come in.

"I don't think we should." Fiona said.

"Why not?"  
"The lights aren't on... for one."

"But the door was _unlocked_ so why not?" Logan asked.

Fiona peered around him into the dark hallway.  
"You can see the upstairs if you come in." Logan added.

Fiona shook her head.

"Come on... it's not like Bobby will be here."

Fiona looked up at him with a look mixed between fear and annoyance.

"I'm sorry, Fiona. Trust me... though, please." Logan said, holding out his hand.

She hesitated a few seconds before she took it and walked in with him. He held her hand and he walked down the hall.

"This was the office. I've been in there too many times to count." Logan said. He looked down at Fiona to see her response, but she was emotionless.

Logan went inside the door but Fiona stayed back.

"Come on Fiona, no one's here, we're fine."

Logan came out of the office and took her hand. "If you want to leave we can."

She thought for a second then shook her head. "No, it's ok."

"Are you sure?"  
Fiona nodded.

"I think we should go." Logan said.

Fiona didn't say anything.

"Besides... there's an even better place that I can take you." he said, stepping out of the room and walking down the hall.

"Where?" Fiona asked.

"You'll have to wait and see."

They walked out the door and down the sidewalk.

"Where did you go to school when you were little?" Logan asked her.

Fiona thought back. "In kindergarten through third grade I was homeschooled." she said. "And in fourth grade I went to a public school, called Ingram Elementary... it was in Hungary."

She thought more, "Fifth grade was homeschooled again, and sixth was in India, seventh, Austraila, and eighth was a private school in Paris... I don't remember all the names. Nineth was Africa tenth was in New York... but not Vanderbuilt... and then eleventh was Degrassi, twelveth... Vanderbuilt and... here... Degrassi."

"Which was your favorite?" Logan asked.

"I liked Vanderbuilt... except for Bobby." Fiona said.

"I think Degrassi is a good school, compared to the ones I used to go to."

"If the people were less imature." Fiona said rolling her eyes.

Logan looked down at her.

"I'm not talking about you." Fiona said quickly.

"Of course." Logan said, with a tiny hint of sarcasm.

"No... really." Fiona said.

Logan's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Logan, want to shoot some hoops, we're all here." it was Quinn.

"No, I'm with Fiona." Logan said.

"So, take her with you."

"She doesn't like basketball."

"What ever happened to bros before hoes, man?"

"Fiona _isn't _a hoe, so she comes first." Logan said in an annoyed voice.

Fiona smiled a little.

"You know what I mean." Quinn's irritated voice answered.

"Today's a Fiona day. Tomarow she has to meet with her lawyer... she's worried about it."

Fiona glanced up at Logan.

"Why?" Quinn asked.

"You ignorant fucker," Logan began sarcastically, "Wouldn't you be?"

"No, I'd pound the fucker's ass."

"_She _can't because he'd hurt her. And I can't because of the law."

"Logan... please come, you never hang with us anymore."  
"I can't."

There was silence and people talking in the background.

"If you're not coming then fine." Quinn said, "Have fun with your hoe."

The line went dead and Logan closed his phone and shoved it into his pocket. He was obviously annoyed.

"If you want to go, you can." Fiona said softly.  
Logan put his arm around her.

"Nah, they're no fun."

Fiona pulled away.

"I don't want to isolate you from your friends."

"I don't even _like_ my friends." Logan said, "I like you."

"It didn't seem like it. You guys seemed really close, until I came." Fiona said.

"We've all been friends since second grade... but sometimes I don't feel like hanging out with them."

Fiona looked at him, but she didn't say anything.

"Now come on... Fiona, let me take you somewhere.,... that will amaze you beyond amazement."

"Take me home." Fiona said, staring into the distance.

"What?" Logan asked, looking were Fiona was staring, but not seeing anything.  
"Take me home..._now._" Fiona repeated, looking up at him.

"Fiona, I didn't mean to..."

"_Now!_" Fiona started walking away and Logan tried to catch up.

She ducked into an ally and threw up behind a dumpster.

"Are you ok?" Logan asked, running up beside her and patting her back.

"D-don't touch me." she said.

Logan took his hand away.

"Do you... do you like want me to walk you home?"  
"What the fuck was I saying earlier?" Fiona asked, getting a kleenex out of her bag and wiping her mouth.

Logan decided to be quiet.

After Fiona had cleaned herself up she turned to him.

"I'm sorry." she stated, walking over to him.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking... and it put me in a mood... and then I kept thinking... and it made me throw up."

"Uh... ok." Logan said quietly, "What were you thinking _about_?" he asked. Within a few seconds he mentally slapped himself in the head. Was that not a stupid thing to ask.

She looked up at him. Her eyes were burning into his with a look that said 'What do you _think_ I was thinking about?'

"Oh." he whispered.

She scooted closer to him but he backed away.

"You can make contact with me." Fiona said.

Logan looked at her for a few seconds before standing closer.

"I really am sorry... I was a bit out of line... but..."  
"That's ok," Logan said "If you still want to go home I'll take you."  
Fiona nodded and Logan started to walk.

"I'm so sorry." Fiona repeted.

"No... it's ok." Logan said.

They rounded the corner and Fiona's house was in view.

"I can go from here." Fiona said she leaned over and kissed Logan on the lips. He looked down at her in surprise.

"It was fun hanging out with you today." she said, "You make me feel really good."

"Thanks... Fiona..." Logan said quietly, "I had fun with you too."

After she left he cringed. Out of all the times she could give him a kiss, it was after she had just threw up.


	65. Chapter 65

Fiona entered her house and Ellie ran up to her. The house was a mess, the lampshade was broken and there were cracker crums all over the floor, and... it looked like a tornado had gone through.

She picked up Ellie and held her on her hip.

Fiona looked around... she couldn't see Declan or Holly J. She walked upstairs with Ellie. Declan was asleep in Fiona's bed, and Holly J was asleep in _their_ bed.

Fiona put Ellie ontop of Holly J.  
"N-not now..." Holly J said, half asleep and pushing Ellie's little hand away from her face.

Fiona pried Holly J's eyes open. "Wake u-up." she said her in sweetest voice.

Holly J woke up. "What the hell Fiona? I never wake _you _up."

"You and Declan have a _big _mess to clean up."

"What?" Holly J asked rubbing her eyes.

Holly J walked downstairs and looked down.

"Why did you let her do that?"

"Me?" Fiona asked, "I wasn't home, I was with Logan."

"_How_ did this happen?"

"Well, what did you _think _would happen if you left a one and a half year old alone downstairs?" Fiona asked.

"She was alone?"

"Uh... yeah." Fiona said.

"Go get Declan." Holly J said angrily.

Fiona walked upstairs and returned with a yawning Declan.

"What the hell?" he asked.

"You left our _one year old_ alone downstairs?" Holly J yelled.  
"She was asleep, and you went upstairs too." Declan insisted.  
"Yeah... because you were with her!"

Fiona stood awkwardly watching.

"I didn't think she'd do _this_."  
"You didn't?" Holly J asked, "You're a terrible father!"

Declan rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious. You don't even take care of her, _your sister _is more of a father to her then you are!"

Declan rolled his eyes again and glanced over to Fiona, giving her his 'This is silly' look. She returned it with a cold stare.

"You know what... I think I'll just go over to Anya's and stay there for a bit." Holly J said walking upstairs.

"Holly J... wait..." Declan said, laughing a small laugh that said 'this is rediculas.'

Holly J didn't answer and with in five minutes she came down with a bag filled with clothes.  
"Holly J..." Declan said again, seriously this time.  
"It's fine Declan. It doesn't mean anything... I just need a break." Holly J said quietly, holding her bag in front of her.  
"But don't you think you'll miss Ellie... and me?"

Holly J smiled a small smile, "Of course... it's just like a vaccation."

"Well I'll miss you." Declan said.

Holly J silently nodded and walked out the door.

Fiona put Ellie down and followed her.

"What _happened_?" Fiona asked.

"It was just a little argument." Holly J assured her.

"What did it start with?"  
"Declan was being... He was acting like he was the only one who could help..." Holly J stopped "Ellie." she finnished quickly.

"Ellie?"

"Yes."

"Oh... well... when are you coming back?" Fiona asked, quietly.

"I'm just going for a few days... to get a break."  
"Well... goodbye."  
"Bye, Fi. Stop acting like I'll be gone forever." Holly J said with a smile.

Fiona returned it and waved to Holly J as she left.

When she went back in the house she frowned at Declan.

"You, made a very bad mistake." she said.  
"What?"  
"You don't know _anything _about girls!" Fiona said.

"Well she was acting insane." Declan said looking at his sister.

"I would be a little angry if Logan left Nicholette alone."

"What?" Declan asked.

Fiona's face reddened. "Just... senarios... that I made up." she whispered.

Declan smirked at his sister.

"Ellie and Nicholette? It sounds cute!" Fiona insisted.

Declan put his arm around her and gave her a little shake, "Oh Fi... you're one of a kind."

"Seriously though, Decs. She's pissed."  
"She'll get over it. She's probably PMSing." Declan said.

Fiona rolled her eyes. "Yeah, the only time we're able to get mad is when we're on our periods."

Declan sat on the couch and reached for his cell phone.

"I bet Holly J wouldn't have been so mad if she knew we were able to hire a maid."

Holly J knocked on Anya's door. It was two minutes before Mr. McPherson answered.

"Hello, Holly J." he said, "Come in."

Holly J walked in and looked around. Anya's parents were both eating in the living room, in front of the TV. Anya was no where to be found.

"Today's a LARPing day, isn't it?" Holly J asked, remembering it was Wednesday.

"No... Anya's in her room." Mrs. McPherson said quietly.

"Oh..." Holly J said, wondering under what circumstances Anya would miss LARPing.

Holly J walked to Anya's room. The door was closed so she knocked, but Anya didn't answer... or indicate she was there at all.  
Holly J opened the door a little, "Can I come in?" she asked.

Anya was sitting on her bed staring ahead, like Fiona often did when she was thinking.

"I... Declan and I got in a fight... and I was hoping to be able to stay with you for a while but..." Holly J started but she stopped.

"You can... it's just that... family stuff." Anya said.

"Oh... are... are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Anya said.

"Are you sure?" Holly J asked.

"No." Anya whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Holly J questioned.

"My mom has cancer." Anya said quietly, almost too quiet to hear.

"Oh... sh-should I go?"

"No." Anya said, "Please stay."

In the middle of watching their show... or Ellie and Fiona's show (Sesame Street), Declan turned to his sister.

"I thought you were spending the night with Logan." he said.  
"I was." Fiona said.

"Then why aren't you there?"  
"I threw up."  
"Are you sick?" Declan asked putting his hand on her forehead.

She pushed it away, "No."

"Did you see him? Fi, you know you aren't supposed to talk to him anymore."

"_No_, I didn't see him."

Declan studied his sister.

"Then what made you throw up?" he asked finally.

"Thinking about it... too deeply, I guess. I don't know why thinking about it made me throw up this time. It never did before."

Declan sighed. "Why did you come home then, I thought you liked spending time with Logan."

"I didn't want to." Fiona stated plainly.  
"I don't think he cares if you threw up or not, I think he just likes you."

"Well, it doesn't matter now, because I'm here."

"I understand, Fi. It's ok."

They were both quiet for a couple of minutes.

"Uh... Tomarow... when I have to talk to my lawyer... what do you think he'll say?"  
"He'll probably go over the case with you... ask you some of the things that they will, so you'll have a plan. It'll be fine." Declan said.

Ellie woke up and jumped off the couch and got a stuffed animal. She threw it around and then held it out to Fiona.

"Thank you, Ellie." Fiona said taking it and putting it beside her on the couch.

Ellie reached up and took it back, threw it at Fiona and started playing with legos.

"Do you think Holly J is really _that _mad at me?" Declan asked.  
"She was pissed... but not as pissed as she could have been." Fiona said.

"So... we're still good then."  
"Yeah." Fiona said.

Ellie threw a lego at her.  
"Ow!" Fiona said, it had hit one of her bigger bruises.  
"Ellie, that hurt!" she said.

Declan took the legos away from her. "No throwing Ellie. That hurts people. See? You hurt your aunt."

Ellie just laughed, and Declan sighed. "Go give Fiona a hug and say you're sorry." he said.

Ellie shook her head and tried to run away.  
"Ellie..." Declan said.

"It wouldn't have hurt a normal person that wasn't covered in bruises. You're confusing her." Fiona said.

Declan let her go off and play.

"So... what did you and Logan do?" Declan asked.

Fiona was still rubbing her arm were the lego had hit it.

"We mostly just sat, slept... he took me to an old school."

"Slept?"  
"Just slept, Declan. You know I've never wanted to do _that._"

"If you find someone you like it might change." Declan said.

"Sure..." Fiona said sarcastically.

"You may think you never want to, but that's because the only time you did it was... well, it hurt you and you didn't want to."

"And I never want to again."

"Then you won't." Declan said, trying to end such an awkward conversation.

Declan thought back, he could have prevented all of this.

_-"Declan, can I talk to you about something?" Fiona had asked walking into Declan's room._

_Declan was on the computer, "Go for it, sis."  
"Sometimes... sometimes Bobby grabs my arm and it hurts and sometimes when I make him mad he..."_

_"Fi, you made me lose!" Declan said, spinning the chair around._

_"Some guys just like to manhandle people, tell him you don't like it and he'll stop." Declan said, pressing the 'new game' button._

_"But Decs..." Fiona stopped._

_Declan pressed 'pause'._

_"If he gives you any trouble then just break up with him. He can't make you stay in a relationship."_

_"Declan he..."_

_"Not now, sis, I was about to beat my highscore."_

_Fiona stared at him for a long time. Why wasn't he listening to her, couldn't he tell? Or... maybe if he slapped her a few times... it wasn't that big of a deal. She'd never really been in a relationship. She thought that it was something that was obvious... don't hit your girfriend, don't yank her by the arm, or her hair, don't force kisses on her... maybe Bobby didn't know though. She walked downstairs._

_"Are you ok, you look a little dazed." Holly J said._

_"N-no... I'm fine. Just thinking."_

_Holly J walked up the stairs and Fiona walked to the mirror. "Yeah... it's probably nothing." she said aloud, "If I tell him I don't like it he'll stop." _

_She looked in the mirror at herself and smiled, "Of course." She only half believed it._


	66. Chapter 66

"They just act like they don't care at all." Anya told Holly J.  
"They can't completely stop everything they're doing because of it though." Holly J said.

"She might die."

"Why pretend like she's dead now if she isn't?" Holly J asked.

"You don't understand." Anya whispered.

"This hasn't happened to me before. I didn't take a 'become a therapist' class, Anya." Holly J said, irritated.

"You've been with Fiona." Anya said.

"I'm not Fiona's therapist, and that isn't the same thing."  
Anya decided to change the subject.

"What did you and Declan fight about?"

"He left Ellie alone, can you believe it?"

"Alone in the house?"  
"Well... he was upstairs and she was downstairs sleeping... but..." Holly J's voice faded when she saw Anya's critical look.

"That isn't _that _bad."

"Yes it is. She's one!" Holly J insisted.

"Yeah... but where were _you?_" Anya asked.

"I was... I was sleeping but he was down there and... then he slept..."

Anya burst out laughing. "It sounds to me like both of you were just being stupid. He made one tiny mistake... a stupid one and you made a huge deal of it."

"It's good to see you smileing" Holly J said, annoyed.

Declan straightened Fiona's jacket, but she slapped his hand away.

"You'll be in the courthouse today talking to the lawyer. You want to make a good impression." Declan said.

"Why? The lawyer won't care." Fiona said.  
"What ever did happen to my sister who always cared about what she looked like?" Declan asked, glancing around the room. "Oh... where ever did she go?" Declan was obviously trying to make her happier.

"She got kidnapped." Fiona said, "Now all you have is the one who never stops crying... and who is..."

"Fi, stop it." Declan said, interuptting his sister. "That's awful depressing. Let's be happy." He lifted her face so she'd look at him. "Come on, Fiona."

"I don't _want _to be happy." she said, folding her arms over her chest.

"So you gonna start wearing nothing but black? Start writing poems about cutting yourself?" Declan said, trying to get her to smile.

"Yeah." Fiona said, raising her eyebrows.

"You wouldn't." Declan told her.

She sighed, "Yeah... you're right. But... I just don't know."

"About what?"

"All of this. I don't want to go to the lawyer. And I don't want to go to court. I don't want anything to do with Bobby anymore." Fiona said, _"I just want it to be over."_

"Oh, Fiona... I know you do." Declan said taking his sister by the hand and pulling her into a hug. "Don't you think it'll be easier to forget not being scared all the time?"

Fiona sighed, "What are you _talking_ about?"

"You're always scared he'll come and hurt you again... and if he's in jail, you'll know he won't." Declan said, looking down at his sister.

"I think that that will never go away." Fiona whispered.

"I'd feel safer if someone that hurt me was in prison." Declan said.

Fiona managed a sad laugh. "Yeah... but you didn't get raped." she said. Her voice cracked at the work 'raped' and she started to cry.

Declan hugged her.

"I d-don't know what to do." Fiona whispered.

Declan looked down at her, "Well I do," he said, "I know what to do, so if you let me help you, you'll be fine."

"Do you really think I'd not be scared anymore?" Fiona asked.

Declan stared at her. She looked so desperate. As much as he wanted to tell her 'Yes, after court you'll be fine.' he didn't want to lie.

"I think it'll help. But you won't be completely not-scared."

Fiona stayed with him for a few minutes then pulled away from him.

"You wrinkled my shirt." she said, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Do we need to take it off and iron it again?" Declan asked.

"No." Fiona said wiping her eyes and smileing at her brother.

"Ok, are your ready to go?" Declan asked, picking up Ellie."  
"Where's Ellie going to be while we do this?"  
"Anya's house with Holly J." Declan answered as he walked out the door.

"Fi... come on." he said, seeing that Fiona wasn't following him.

"Maybe I don't have to..." Fiona said.

"He's expecting you, and you should be prepared."

Fiona followed him and got into the car.

They got to Anya's house and knocked on the door. Holly J was the only one there.

"Where's Anya?" Fiona asked.

"At the doctor." Holly J answered.  
"What happened?"  
"Her mom is sick."

"_How _sick?"  
"Cancer." Holly J said taking Ellie from Declan and avoiding his eyes.

"Oh my god." Fiona whispered, "I-is she ok?"  
"For now." Holly J answered.

There was a pause.

"Off to meet the lawyer?" Holly J asked.

Fiona nodded.

"Well, good luck, Fi." Holly J said, "I know you'll do great."

For a second Fiona thought, 'Do great with what? There's nothing to do, I just have to go and talk to some guy... my lawyer. You can't do that wrong.'

"It's really nothing..." Fiona started to say, but her voice faded at 'It's really noth-"

Declan pulled her closer to him. "It's not _nothing_. It's a big deal for you, and for me, I'm your brother."

"Thank you for reminding me that Declan." Fiona said, smoothing her skirt.

"Ok... well we'll see you." Declan said, leaning over and kissing Holly J.

Holly J stared at him afterwards, with a confused look. "Bye, and Good luck."

Fiona hugged her and closed the door.

"Was your daddy a douche bag?" Holly J asked, sitting on the floor with Ellie as they played with the legos.

Ellie ignored her.

"Would you rather live with mommy and aunt Fiona instead of Daddy?" Holly J asked.

Ellie laughed and knocked over Holly J's lego tower.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that." Holly J said, setting it back up. Ellie knocked it over again.

"I'm sorry, your daddy isn't a douche bag. He's just a meanie." Holly J said, looking down at Ellie.

Holly J layed down on the ground, "He's the meaniest boy I've ever loved so much."

Ellie rolled a ball at her.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Fiona asked the lawyer, staring down at the table.

"No." he answered, popping his knuckles.

Fiona looked up at him, but quickly looked back down.

"Is that all?" she asked.

"Pretty much." the lawyer said.

"Stop doing that." Fiona said.

Declan touched Fiona's arm, telling her 'don't start things'. He used to squeeze her arm or lightly nudge her... it hurt her now, so he just touched it.

"Doing what?"  
"That thing with your hands!"

"Fi..." Declan said in a quiet irritated voice.

"This?" he asked, popping his knuckles again.

Fiona nodded.

"Oh... ok."  
"So I can leave?"  
"Yes, take these papers. It sums up everything that will happen, the whole routine."

Fiona took the papers and glanced at them before looking back up at her lawyer.

"You are a brave girl, ok? You just remember that." he said giving her a smile.

Fiona nodded and walked out the door, Declan following her.

"You alright?" Declan said as they walked out the courthouse. Fiona looked a little dazed.

"Fi?" Declan asked again. He slipped his hand into her's. "Fiona?"

She still didn't answer him. "Fiona Coyne?" Declan asked, giving her hand a little shake.

She looked up at him. "What?" she asked.  
"Are you ok?"

"Yeah... I'm fine."

"Ok... Fi." Declan whispered.

"So... that's what's going to happen in court." Fiona said.

"Yes... it is." Declan said.

"What if he brings a gun?" Fiona asked.

"He won't bring a gun." Declan said, looking down at his sister, amused that she would think that, but also sad that she was honestly scared that something like that would happen.

"What if he hurts me?"  
"He won't hurt you. There'll be everyone in the courtroom."  
"What if he finds me outside?" Fiona asked quietly as they finally got back on first floor of the courthouse.

"I'll be with you the whole time." Declan said, putting his arm around his poor sister. She was genuinely scared that she would be beaten up again.

"I won't let him hurt you again, Fiona." Declan said. He realized he'd said that before... lots. It always ended up with her getting hurt again anyway... but it had to stop sometime... didn't it?

Fiona mumbled something... but Declan couldn't hear at all. She was very quiet and her voice was quivering.

"What?" Declan asked.

Fiona looked up at him,"Nothing." she said. She was smileing but her voice showed that she was about to cry.

"What did you say?" Declan asked.

"_Nothing!_" Fiona said laughing quietly. Her laugh was obviously fake.

"No... Fi, tell me." Declan said.

"It was _nothing _Decs." Fiona said.

"Well stop pretending to smile... it's creepy." Declan said. The smile was quickly wiped off her face.  
"You don't have to pretend around me, Fi. I know what's going on." Declan said, opening the car door for her.

Once Declan had also gotten in the car, Fiona said. "Yeah."

Declan reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Want to do something before we pick up Ellie?"  
Fiona looked up at him curiously.  
"Like go somewhere?" he asked.

"No." Fiona whispered.

"Oh, come on Fi. You're all depressed all the time. I hate it when you're sad. When you're sad I'm sad. Going somewhere could make you happier."  
"Fine." Fiona answered.

"Where do you want to go?" Declan asked.

"I don't _want _to go anywhere." Fiona said.

"You're kidding yourself. I know you love that icecream place on 12th street."

"Maybe I do." Fiona said, avoiding his eyes.  
"Don't _make _yourself not have any fun, Fi. It's _ok _to have fun."

Fiona didn't say anything.

"Why are you trying to make yourself miserable?" Declan asked.  
"I'm _not _trying, Decs. Believe me, I don't have to try."  
"Then we're going to get icecream, and you're going to like it."

"I don't _want _icecream." Fiona said as they drove.

"There's the icecream place. Are you excited?"  
"No."

They turned in and Declan ordered a chocolate chip mint icecream cone, Fiona's favorite.

"You aren't getting any?" Fiona asked.

"Nah."  
When Declan got the icecream he handed it to Fiona. She stared at it as if she didn't know what to do with it. Declan reached over and tried to put it in her mouth but instead it smeared all over your face.

"Declan!" Fiona said, angrily.

Declan couldn't help but laugh, and that made Fiona laugh.

"You suck." she said, laughing.

He handed her a napkin.


	67. Chapter 67

"Your meanie daddy hasn't come back." Holly J said to Ellie, "And meanie Anya hasn't either."

Holly J cursed herself for saying that Anya was mean. She'd called and said that her family wanted to have dinner, and that they could pick her up, but Holly J had said no, because Declan would be coming to pick up Ellie soon, or she _thought _Declan would be coming to pick up Ellie soon. It would seem as if he wasn't going to.

Talking to the lawyer... that couldn't last 5 hours... could it? No, surely not.

Ellie had fell asleep beside Holly J. They were watching SpongeBob... which Holly J found somewhat amusing, because of all the adult references.

There was a knock on the door, Holly J got up to answer it and it was Declan.

"Sorry I'm so late, J, but..." Declan was interuptted by Fiona.

"Holly J, look at these fabrics, they will make a _great _skirt!" Fiona squealed, holding up a roll of shiney cloth.

Holly J decided not to start to lecture Declan. He was trying to make his sister happy, he had a good reason to be late.

"Wow, Fi. Those are beautiful. Where did you get them?"  
"We went down to that craft's store by Spedina Station." Fiona answered happily.

Holly J glanced at Declan. He was looking down at his sister with a big smile on his face.

"How was she?" Declan asked Holly J.

"She slept most of the time." Holly J answered.

There was a ten second silence.

"How was it?" Holly J asked Fiona.

"What?" Fiona asked, looking up from her bag of fabrics.

"The meeting with the lawyer... how was it?" Holly J asked.

"Oh... it was ok."

"Do you understand everything?" Holly J asked.

Fiona set the fabrics down and stared at Holly J.

"Yes."

"Good." Holly J said. She walked over and gave Fiona a hug, "I"m proud of you, Fi."

Declan drove them home and carried Ellie upstairs to her room so she could sleep. She was already asleep in the car.

When he came back downstairs Fiona was looking over the papers the lawyer had given her. He sat down beside her and glanced at them. She was studying them.

"See, first are the opening statements." Declan said pointing to the paper. "You guys get to say why he's guilty and he gets to lie about why he says he's not."

Declan looked up from the paper at his sister, she was still studying it.

"Then... you can show them your pictures that you and Holly J took. The tests from the couch cushions that Gretchan had... and the bruises that are still there."

Fiona nodded slowly, still looking at the paper.

"The attorny will prove him guilty, and then the jury will say he's guilty, and he'll be in jail, and we can go home." Declan said pointing to the last paragraph.

Fiona layed her head oh his shoulder, "That really sums it up." she said. "They should just write _that _on the paper instead of a three page long story."

"You know it's impossible for you to lose with all that evidence." Declan said.

"I'll probably lose anyway." Fiona stated.

"Why would you think that?"  
"Because I'm _me_."

Finally, Anya was home.

"Hey... sorry if we took too long." Mrs. MacPherson said.

Holly J smiled, a half fake smile, "No problem."

Mr. MacPherson walked into the kitchen.

"Anya did you..." he asked.

"I did it... I got a bit bored so I washed the dishes..." Holly J said.

"Ah... I should have known my Anya would never wash the dishes." he said walking over to Anya and pinching one of her cheeks.

Anya blankly stood there and when her parents sat down on the couch, she went to her room.

Holly J followed her.

"What's wrong? He was joking." Holly J said.

"They act like she doesn't even have cancer." Anya said.  
"That's better then acting all depressed, isn't it?" Holly J asked.

Anya didn't answer.

"I think it is." Holly J said.

_Bobby was beating her up. He was kicking her and punching her. "Please!" Fiona said, "Get away..." she was crying. Bobby smiled at her._

_"I'll take you to court." Fiona whispered. "I'll get you in trouble."_

_"Are you kidding? I'm a Beckonrigde. No one will care about you."_

_Declan apeared and he helped his sister up, taking her hand and leading her away._

Declan woke up and saw Fiona crying he reached for her hand and held it. When she wouldn't stop crying he hugged her.

_"You're ok, Fiona alright you're alright. You're not there... you're with me, at home." Declan said hugging his sister. Fiona looked around, "No I'm not!" she said in a panniced voice._

_Bobby started coming toward her._

_"I told you to listen to me Fifi, now we're going to have to..." Bobby began._

Fiona screamed and woke up to Declan holding onto her tight.

"You're at home, Fi. You're ok." Declan told her, looking into her eyes that tears were spilling over.

"I don't like this." she whispered.

Declan held her closer to him. She tended to state the obvious sometimes.

"What if he doesn't lose? He'll find me and do it all again."

"He _will _lose and even if he somehow doesn't, I'll be here. You're never going to hurt again, ok Fi?"  
Fiona didn't reply. She was curled in a tiny ball in Declan's arms. She was really tired, and trying to go back to sleep. It worked best if Declan was holding her. It helped her stay in reality, instead of dreams.

"I had fun today." she whispered.

"Good, that was what I was hoping for." Declan said. "It was good to see you smile."  
"There's that pretty smile again!" he said when Fiona smiled at his remark. "I thought I'd never see it again."

Fiona closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep, but she couldn't so she looked up at her brother.

"Do you really think I'll win?"  
"I wouldn't lie to you, Fi."

Declan thought about his sister while he hummed trying to get her back to sleep. She shouldn't have gotten beaten. Nobody should get beaten, but especially not someone like Fiona. Somone so _perfect_. She never wanted to have sex. She said that so many times, the whole world probably knew. And some basterd, Bobby, made her do it twice. Now she was scared. Fiona should _never _have to be scared. Fiona should _never _be in pain, and she should _never _be hit.

Bobby could get her good. Declan saw that when they were at school and she wanted to break up with Bobby. He slammed her against the wall really hard and you could hear the 'smack' sound. It must have hurt. He pictured her getting punched, hit, kicked... raped. God, make it _stop_, he thought. How the hell do I get this out of my mind? I guess I'm like Fi. I can't.

It actually happened to Fiona. Imagine it _happening _to you. It had to be worse for Fiona, and she could handle it. So Declan could to, he thought.

He forced himself to go to sleep. He wasn't really tired... but there was nothing else to do.

Anya screamed and popcorn flew all over the room.

"God, Anya, it isn't that scary." Holly J said, picking up pieces of popcorn.

They were watching the movie 'The Eye'.

"Well the guy hanging from the elevator was scary!" Anya insisted.

Holly J rolled her eyes, "You barely got to see him."

"But when you did he was discusting!"

Holly J focased on the movie and continued eating the popcorn remaining in the bowl.

"Oh _shit!_"

"Holly J... you said this movie isn't even very scary."

"No... I wasn't talking about the movie." Holly J said.  
"What were you talking about then?"  
"Fiona left her phone here and I just pressed a button by accident."

Holly J put the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Fiona, this is Logan. I was just wondering how you are. How the talk with the lawyer was... I know you were worried about it. If you need anything, call me... or find me, either way is fine and..." there was screaming and crashing in the back ground... and Logan yelled something..."I love you, Fiona. I would like to see you sometime. And you're going to kick some ass when court comes, Fiona. I know you will, and I'll be there to see it. Anyway..." there was more screaming, "I have to go, I love you Fiona. Bye."

"It was a message." Holly J said.

"Who was it from?"

"This Logan guy who's been hanging out with Fi. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you listened to it."  
Holly J held the phone up to Anya's ear.

"Aw... that's so sweet." Anya said when the message was done.

"Yeah... sounds like they were having an argument in the background." Holly J said, listening to the message again.

"Put it on speaker." Anya said. Holly J did.

"Sounds like a... uh... _big _argument." Anya remarked.

"Yeah..." Holly J said quietly. Then she closed the phone and smiled, "It's probably nothing." she said, "I heard his mother is always drunk and a complete wacko."

Anya's face relaxed a little. "Oh... ok."

Declan walked up behind Fiona and put his hand on her arm. She jumped and turned around.

"God, Decs. I thought you were someone else." she said, managing a meek laugh.

"Sorry, Fi. Didn't mean to scare you." Declan said walking around her and sitting on the couch. Fiona sat beside him.

"I-I don't know if I'm ready for this." she whispered.  
"For... court?" Declan asked. Ever since the 'first time' Fiona would think about things in her head and only say half of it out loud.  
"Yes." Fiona answered.

"Sure you are, Fi. You've been practicing... and we have physical evidence now. The sooner we do it the better." Declan said.

"I don't want to tell them things." Fiona said.

"They won't want too many details Fiona." Declan assured her.  
"I don't want to talk about it at all... in front of all those people. I only talk about it in detail to you."

"They're complete strangers. It'll be like talking to people on the internet. They don't even know you."  
"People on the internet can't see me though." Fiona said.

Declan laughed.

"What's funny about this?" she asked.

"Remember when you were pretending to be 18 online because you were talking to someone who was 18, and you accidentally hit the webcam button and you didn't know and you were pretending to be an 18 year old boy still?" Declan asked.

Fiona smiled a little, "Yeah, I do."

They sat in silence, remembering how fun things were back then. They'd always be with eachother, not worrying about anything, and the only bruises Fiona had were from when she fell off the slides.

"Have you ever felt like an object?" Fiona asked.  
"An object?"  
"Yeah."  
"I don't suppose I have." Declan said.

"It sucks." Fiona said.

"What do you mean by 'object'?"  
"I felt like a sex object, Decs, I still do." Fiona answered.

"You're no one's sex object, Fi."  
"I know... but I still feel bad."

Declan was quiet for a few minutes.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything, right?" he finally said.

Fiona nodded.

"Ok, good." he reached over and took her hand in his. They sat like that for a few minutes before Fiona spoke.

"Do you think he ever loved me?" she asked.

Declan looked down at her, searching for the answer that he thought she wanted to hear.

"I really don't know, Fi."

"Do you think he could really kill me?"

"Fiona... please..." Declan said, not wanting to talk about this. He had no idea what to say.

Fiona looked up at him, waiting for an answer.

"No, Fi. He couldn't kill you because I would never let him." Declan said quietly.

Fiona's heartbeat slowed, it was beating so fast just thinking about _it._

"At first he would just scream at me." Fiona said.

Declan had zoned out. "What?"  
"Bobby... at first he screamed when I didn't do what he wanted."  
"Oh." Declan said, quietly.

"He told me he still loved me though, so I stayed. And then... he started the grabbing and pushing... and I thought that if something was really wrong, someone would notice. But no one noticed, so I thought it must be normal."

This made Declan feel bad. He was her brother. He should have watched her and saw the bruises, saw how tightly Bobby would hold onto her arm and pull her around, saw how she started wearing long pants and long sleeves. He should have payed way more attention.

"How long did it go on before you told us?" Declan asked. To him the question was 'How long was I walking around blankly not noticeing any details of anything at all?'

"He hit me for the first time a week after we started dating."

"Oh... Fiona." Declan said, putting his arm around her.

There was more silence.

"I hate myself." Fiona whispered.  
"Fiona... no you don't."  
"I do. I'm stupid, and I let this happen."  
"No... Fiona, no you didn't."

"Yes I did!" Fiona insisted, her voice breaking and she started crying.

"If it wasn't for me then I wouldn't be so miserable" Fiona said.

Declan could point out so many ironic things about that sentence, 'if it wasn't for me _I _wouldn't be...' but instead he said,"I've told you before, Fiona. Saying no should have been enough. He's the one who did it, he didn't listen."

"Do you understand, Fi?" he asked, taking both of her hands in his.

She nodded, but she was still crying, and Declan had the feeling that she really didn't agree with him.

There were a few minutes of silence.

"Holly J came here earlier today. She said that Logan called, you left your phone there, so she brought it back."

"I... I did?"  
"Yeah, aparentally, you did."

"What did Logan say?"  
"Uh... I didn't listen to the message, here you can." Declan said, handing her the phone.

Fiona listened to it, she smiled at certain parts, but frowned at others.

She called him back.

"Logan?" "Hi, it's Fiona. Yeah... it was fine... pretty much... sure... ok see you later, bye."

Fiona turned to Declan.

"Logan's busy right now. His mom and her boyfriend are in a fight." Fiona said quietly.  
"Oh."

When Fiona didn't say anything Declan looked at her, "You ok?"  
"Yeah." she said quietly. She wanted to tell someone that Logan's mom's boyfriend hurt Logan... but she knew that she didn't want anyone to find out about it when Bobby hurt her. She would have been mad if someone knew and told. But she was happy that Declan knew, now. It helped. She could act sad with out being questioned, and she could cry if she wanted to. But Logan... Logan was not exactly like her, and he'd tell someone if he wanted someone to know, right?

"Did you ever wonder before I told you?" Fiona asked.  
"What?"  
"Did you suspect something was happening... with me and Bobby?"  
"Well... when you asked me about him grabbing your arm, I talked to him the next day and he told me you were being dramatic... and that he barely touched you. And I got a little suspecious when you started wearing long sleeves and long pants. And then one time I found you crying in your room, but you told me it was because you got bad grades." Declan said.

Fiona looked down. If he had suspected something... why didn't he try and help as soon as possible?  
"But I knew something was up... because my sister never gets bad grades. She's smart."

"I'm not smart, Decs. If I would have just told you sooner, I could have prevented all of this, I could have prevented getting ra-" she couldn't bring herself to say the word 'raped' so she stopped and just looked lost.

"You are too smart. I don't know anyone better then I know you, Fi. You're smart."  
"If I would have told you the first time he hit me... I should have _known _that something was wrong."  
"You were just confused, Fi." Declan said quietly. "You thought he liked you and he hit you, it's confusing."

"But they tell us about that stuff in school, and on TV... I had to have known!"  
"But you didn't know, Fi, and it's _not _your fault."

"Two weeks until the trial." Fiona whispered.

"You'll do fine." Declan said. "I promise."


	68. Chapter 68

"So when is she going to court?" Anya asked Holly J.

"Within the next two weeks, I think."

"Is she going alone?"  
"No... Declan, me, and Logan are going with her."

"Do you really think she's ready for that?" Anya asked.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean I've watched trials on TV. They're going to ask her the types of questions she'll hate."

"You don't even know what kinds of questions she hates." Holly J said, trying to convince herself that everything at court would be fine.

"If you get raped, and people talk about it, and ask you about it, you're not going to like it."

Holly J had to admit, that was true, but she couldn't resist trying to prove that it wasn't... for some reason.

"She talks about it to Declan all the time."  
"She's known Declan forever though. He's her brother. It's probably easier to talk to him." Anya said.

"Don't you think it'd be easier to talk to someone who won't even remember you, who doesn't know you at all?"  
"No. I think it'd be easier to talk to one person who is your twin brother." Anya said. When Holly J didn't reply she said "I rest my case."

Thinking about Fiona getting hit made Declan't stomach have butterflies in them. The bad kind. Seeing her cry made him feel even worse.

_When Declan was about ten, his grandmother had bought him and Fiona each a book. His was 'What Brothers Do Best." and Fiona's was "What Sisters Do Best."_

_Fiona thanked her grandmother for it and pretended to be interested in what she later called 'a stupid, wretched, boring, badly illustrated book.' _

_Declan had taken it, glanced at it, and asked "Why is there a picture of a hedgehog on the front?"_

_None of the adults at the reunion they were acknowleged him so he took the book and went upstairs to his room and put it in his trunk. Fiona followed him upstairs and said how stupid and wreched the book was. She sat on his bed and read some of it out loud to him._

_"What sisters do best..." she started using a dramatic voice, "is help their brothers understand their girlfriends." She had said this with lots of expression and hand gestures._

_"I wouldn't want cooties anyway." Declan said, digging the book back out of the trunk, and sitting by Fiona. Every girl except his sister had cooties back then._

_"What brothers do best is..." he squinted at the words and started laughing._

_"What... what is it?" Fiona asked grabbing the book away from him and reading the words.  
"Teach their sisters who are the players?" Fiona asked. She was little. She didn't know what it meant, for some reason or another, Declan knew._

_"What's so funny?" Fiona asked, pouting._

_"Nothing, it's not funny." Declan said, feeling like he now had a secret. He loved secrets._

_"You were laughing!" Fiona insisted, "Tell me what's funny!"_

_"No." Declan said._

_"Tell me!"_

_"Ok... well a player is..."_

_Bobby, who was also eight, came in "Your mom told me you were up here." he said._

_Declan whispered something into his ear and Bobby started laughing too._

_"Tell me!" Fiona repeated. _

_Bobby rolled his eyes._

_"It's a boys thing, stupid!" he said._

_Fiona crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "That's not fair."_

_"Ok... Fi it's just..." Declan began.  
"Don't tell her dumbass!" Bobby said._

_"You said a bad word." Declan said laughing._

_"So? What of it. Cool people say bad words."_

_"Shit." Declan said._

_"Fuck." Fiona said._

_"Damn."_

_"Those words aren't even good words." Bobby said._

_"What are the good words?" Fiona and Declan both asked._

_Bobby whispered something in Declan's ear. "C-" he started to say but Bobby covered his mouth.  
"That's a boys only word."_

_"Oh."_

_Fiona pouted again._

_"Declan... Fiona, come down Mr. Crawford wants to see you in your suit and dress." Mrs. Coyne shouted up._

_"Bobby, you too, darling." Mrs. Beckonridge had said._

_Declan got up, followed by Fiona, and then Bobby. Bobby pushed Fiona out of the way, against the dresser, when they walked through the door way. Declan thought it was a bit mean, but Bobby had laughed, so he did too. _

Declan smiled at the memory... of Fiona, not Bobby. Bobby was mean to her even then, and Declan had played along. Any time else he would have said "Don't call my sister stupid." or "Don't push my sister." But Bobby was cool back then, and Declan had _really_ wanted to be friends with him, even though he was bossy. Fiona had never liked Bobby when they were little. He wondered why she fell for him when she was older. He was always mean to her... even from the beginning.

Of course, he was rich... a Beckonridge. That's why Mrs. Coyne wanted Fiona to be with him... but why had Fiona played along? She didn't really _like _boys... and she surely couldn't have liked Bobby.

Declan looked down at his sister. Her hands were wrapped around his arm, and her head was on his chest. They were in the bed... and Declan had woke up half an hour ago. Since Fiona barely got any sleep at all he didn't get up yet, because he didn't want to wake her up... she might not be able to go back to sleep... and then she'd feel sick all day.

Fiona started to tremble in her sleep so Declan rubbed her arms. He noticed she seemed extremely cold, so he pulled the covers up on her and held her closer to him.

He couldn't help but wonder if she was dreaming about getting hit, getting raped, or court. He really didn't want to wake her up, but he had to wonder if she'd rather be in a nightmare, or be awake.

He put his hand lightly on her shoulder and shook her awake.

"Declan... I'm so scared." she whispered when she woke up. The look on her face practically killed him.

"It's ok, Fi. Don't be scared. You're ok."

"I feel numb." she said, her voice breaking.

"You what?" Declan asked.

"I f-feel numb."  
"You... you can't feel your hands your toes... what, Fi? I don't understand." Declan said in a rushed voice.

"I j-just feel n-numb."

"Like as a whole? Completely? All of you?" Declan asked.

Fiona nodded. "Like when i-it happened." she said.

"Don't worry, Fi. It's normal." Declan said, suddenly remembering an artical he read online. Nature is kind enough to make you feel, as most people describe it 'numb'. Like you aren't really there.

"I d-don't like it." Fiona said.

"I'm sorry, Fi... I can't help it... I can't make it go away." Declan told her.

"I miss when we were little, Decs." Fiona whispered, starting to cry. This nightmare must have been godawful.

"Yeah... I do too, Fi."

"I feel numb... and c-cold."  
"I'll go get the heat blanket... ok?" Declan said.  
"Don't leave."  
"I"ll be right back, it's in the closet right outside my door."

Fiona pleaded him to stay with her eyes.

"It's just outside the door ok?" Declan said.

He walked out and held his hand in the doorway, so she could see him, and know he was there.

He came back and plugged in the blanket, and put it around her.

"You'll get warmer soon, Fi." he told her, "Try to go back to sleep."

She was still trembling so Declan pulled her closer to him. She burried her face in his shirt. She was crying.

"Fi... he's not going to hurt you... he's not here."

"I-I know he's not here... but he could come and hurt me... he could come back and..."

"No, Fi. No he _can't _I'm here ok... I'm here."

Fiona pulled the blanket closer up, like a small child would do to make 'monsters under their bed' not be able to see them.

Declan looked down at his sister, wondering when her normal skin tone would return. She was black and blue in most places. He reached down and ran his hand down her arm. Some places looked normal... some didn't. There were bumps all down her arms, from the bruises.

"Do they still hurt?" Declan asked her.

She nodded.

"But not as much." Declan stated, more as a question then a statement.

"Not as much." Fiona agreed.

"You're probably going to have marks on you forever... scars." Declan said, more to himself then Fiona. He was running his hand over her cheek, seeing a bruise there too.

"Remember the books grandma got us?" Declan asked.

Fiona wiped tears away from her face.

"Which ones?"

"The 'what brothers do best' or 'what sisters do best'... remember them?"

"Yeah... they were dumb." Fiona said.

"When we were nine... maybe. Do you still have your's?"

"Of course... I never get rid of gifts. Do you have your's?"

"Somewhere... I think it might still be in the trunk." Declan said.

"The one you've had since we were little?"

"Yeah."  
Fiona sat up and wiped her tears away and reached down into the trunk by Declan's bed.

She tossed a few things about before she pulled out the book.

"What Brothers Do Best." she said, in the same dramatic voice she had used when she was little.

She opened it up, "What brothers do best... is help their sisters brush their hair."

She glanced at Declan with a look that said 'The book was stupid, it still _is _stupid.'

He took it from her and read, "What brothers do best is help their sisters with their homework."

Fiona rolled her eyes and Declan closed the book. "Gram wasn't the best at picking out things." he said.

"You know... Fi, you're pretty cool." Declan said.

Fiona looked up at him, a little confused.

"Seriously, Fi. You're awesome."

"What makes me so awesome?"  
"Going to court. I know how bad you feel, Fiona, I know, I am amazed that you're so strong. I never knew my sister could be so brave."

Fiona fell asleep for a short few seconds and then woke up.

"Are you that tired, Fi?" Declan asked.

"N-no. I'm fine." Fiona said quietly.

"I think you should go to sleep."

"I can't, Decs." Fiona whispered.

"Why not?"

"I'm scared of them... of the nightmares."

"Don't be, Fi. That'll never happen. Just convince yourself that if Bobby is there, hurting you, then it isn't real."

"I've tried to, Decs, I've tried." Fiona said, pulling the covers up further.

"Well, you're in the bed, with me. Not anywhere with Bobby, ok, Fi? Think about that when you go to sleep and maybe you won't have nightmares."

Fiona and Declan were quiet for a few minutes before Declan looked down. She had fell asleep, probably just because she was so tired.

_When Fiona and Bobby were sitting on the couch one day, Bobby lifted up Fiona's arm. She looked at him strangely, and put her arm back down, but soon after, he lifted it back up._

_"What are you doing?" asked Fiona, a small smile on her face. Bobby thought it was funny, he hit her before, and he'd thrown her around a lot... but she was too clueless to leave._

_Bobby held her arm up, "Keep that there." he told her. She looked at him curiously._

_"Why?"_

_"Because I said." Bobby answered, which was the most truthful answer, after all, he just wanted her to know she had to do what he said. He enjoyed shaking her and punching her. He wasn't sure why. Something about her just made him think that she shouldn't be happy. That might have been it. She acted so happy, like everything in the world for her was perfect. He'd show her it wasn't. If she was going to be that happy, it's only fair that he toned her down a knotch, making her like everyone else._

_"Bobby, my arm is getting tired." Fiona said, putting her arm down._

_"No, Fifi. Leave it there." Bobby growled grabbing her arm and making sure he dug his fingernails into it._

_"Bobby, you're hurting me." Fiona said quietly. When he didn't listen she said "That hurts, Bobby. You're doing it again," more loudly. "You said you wouldn't." she said in almost a whisper._

_He pulled her up by her arm and slammed her against the wall._

_"Why can't you do something that would make me happy, such a simple thing!" Bobby said. She winced, he was pinning her down by her shoulders, and the pressure from his hands hurt._

_"Why does me holding my arm up make you happy?" Fiona asked, blinking back tears. She knew that Bobby would hurt her at times... but over something so silly? He slapped her. _

_"I __told__ you to hold your arm up!" he said, pushing her to the ground. He kicked her in the stomach and looked down at her.  
"Get up."_

_"I-I can't it h-hurts." Fiona whispered, tears beginning to spill over and down her cheeks._

_"Did I ask you to get up?" Bobby asked._

_Fiona didn't answer and Bobby smirked. He reached down and pulled her up by her arm, which made her yelp._

_"Do you see how much bigger I am than you?" Bobby asked her._

_She stared at him, not saying anything._

_"It looks like I could really fuck you up, doesn't it?" Bobby asked._

_Fiona pulled away and tried to run out of Bobby's house, but she was limping, and Bobby caught up to her._

_He grabbed her arm and dug his fingernails into it. When she tried to pull away his fingernails left scratches down her whole arm, it was bleeding in some places._

_"Bobby please." Fiona whispered, "Please let me go... I'll do what ever you want please..."_

_Bobby hugged her. He could feel her rapid breathing, and her heartbeat... which was fast and panniced. He could tell she was scared._

_"I'm so sorry, babe. It won't happen again... it won't." he said, running his hand down her back and then across her waist._

_She avoided his eyes. She was obviously scared of him, even right now. _

_"I said it wouldn't happen again!" Bobby told her, shaking her by her shoulders._

_"Ok!" Fiona shouted quickly, not wanting to be hit._

_"How can you think it's ok to talk to your boyfriend like that?" Bobby asked, pushing her down again. "If you don't start acting better, then I'll have to disipline you, I'll have to do something that will make you change your ways. You might not like it at the time... but it would make you a better person."_

_Bobby pressed his lips against her's and forced his tongue inside of her mouth. "See, sweetheart... if you just listen to me, then you'll be fine."_

_"I w-want to go home." Fiona whispered, when he stopped 'kissing' her._

_"You may do that."_

_Fiona left with out taking her purse or anything she brought with her._

_She walked home and went up to the bathroom, fumbling with the lock on the door until she finally got it closed._

_She looked at herself in the mirror, pulling her shirt sleaves away from her shoulders. There were handprints on them... and grip marks down her arms... and scratches. There was a bruise forming on her stomach, and an already black bruise on her leg... her back hurt from being slammed into the wall, over all, her whole body hurt._

_Declan knocked on the door, "Fi, you in there, let me in, you're hogging the bathroom."_

_Fiona put her sleeve baack in place and opened the door, quickly walked past Declan and into her room. She didn't want him to see the bruises, but he knew something was wrong, because he followed her. She quickly got under the covers in her bed._

_"Are you ok, Fiona?"_

_"Yes, I'm fine, Decs." Fiona answered, but really, she was scared, and she ached._

_"What's wrong, Fi?"_

_"Nothing... I'm fine." Fiona said, managing a meek laugh._

_"I can tell when my sister is upset. What's wrong?" Declan asked, sitting beside her._

_She didn't say anything._

_"You aren't pregnant are you?" Declan asked. _

_"No... of course not, Decs. You know the only way you'll ever be getting a niece is adoption."_

_"So what's wrong then?" Declan asked.  
"I just feel sick."_

_"Oh." Declan said, "Where at?"  
"My stomach... my head... everywhere." Fiona said truthfully. She did feel sick, but it wasn't illness._

_"Do you need medicine?"  
"No."_

_Declan lyed beside her on her bed._

That flashback wasn't as bad as her normal ones... near the end it wasn't anyway. That flashback was very vivid. How was she so stupid to go back to Bobby after all these times? She was stupid. No matter how 'strong' and 'brave' Declan said she was, and no one could change that.

**-Sorry for any delays that will be happening for the chapters... my school started again... and yeah... I have homework so I won't have as much time to write as I used to... but I PROMISE I'll fit it in for you guys ok? Thanks for the reviews... and Private messages! :)-**


	69. Chapter 69

"I miss my baby." Holly J said.

"Then for goodness sake, go home." Anya said, rolling over on the bed.

"I miss Declan."  
"Then what are you doing here?" Anya asked, annoyed. She had a reason to be annoyed though, it was two o'clock in the morning.

"I can't let him win." Holly J said.

"Let him win?" Anya asked.

"Yeah... if I go back, it'll be letting him win."

"You are planning to go back though?"  
"Yeah."

"Then... why not go back now?" Anya asked. Holly J could be so confusing sometimes.

"Because then he'll think I'm coming back to him. I want him to be bawling over me."

"If you'd ask Fiona, she'd probably say he _was _bawling over you."

"I don't want to bother Fi. She's got a lot on her mind right now."

"Just _go._" Anya said, "You already walked out on him, it doesn't matter when you come back... so if you want to go back, _go_."

"Really?" Holly J asked.

"It's a well-known rule." Anya said, but she didn't really know if it was or not.

Holly J smiled, "Then tomarrow, I'll go back."

"Ok... now go to sleep."

Declan turned on the lamp. Fiona was shaking in her sleep. 'God damn it.' thought Declan. 'I wish this would just end.'

Poor Fiona, thought Declan, she can't even sleep anymore. He put his arms around her... and soon, after a few minutes, she stopped shaking, as much. He didn't want to wake her. Then she'd be tired.

Declan felt his phone viberate in his pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hi... it's Logan. Is Fiona home?"  
"She never leaves."

"So she is?"  
"That's what I said."

"Can I visit her... I mean is she feeling ok?"  
"She's sleeping right now... but I can tell she's going to be waking up soon."  
"How?"

"She's shaking, she'll probably have a nightmare soon. It'll probably wake her up."

"Oh... well, I just want to see her. I don't need her to talk to me. If she isn't awake I'll stay and talk to you."

"Alright."  
"See you."  
"Bye."

Declan closed his phone. He liked Logan. Logan was nice to his sister, and that was good. Plus, he seemed to not care if any of the 'dirty stuff' was involved. Which was good, because the thought of Fiona having sex sickened Declan, and even more of a reason, Fiona didn't ever want to have sex at all.

Declan's phone rang again. What? Did Logan not know how to get there? He picked it up. It wasn't Logan, it was Holly J.

"Hello?"  
"Hi, Declan, it's Holly J... I'm coming home... tonight probably."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"Tonight?" Declan asked, excited.

"Yes!" Holly J laughed into the phone.

There was silence for a few seconds before Holly J spoke again.

"I'm spending time with Anya... so I have to go... but see you, ok?"  
"Yeah, see you!" Declan said, the line went dead.

Declan looked back down at Fiona. She was still trembling a little. Declan had went crazy when that first started happening. "Is it normal?" he would ask. He went on a lot of websites to figure out that it was perfectly normal.

He sat with her for a few minutes before he heard a knock on the door. Knowing it was Logan, he got up carefully, and placed a pillow where he had been, so Fiona wouldn't wake up. He walked downstairs and opened the door. It wasn't Logan. It was a police officer with tons of papers.  
"Hello?" Declan asked.

"Does Miss..." the man hesitated, fumbling through the papers, "Fiona Coyne live here?" he finished.

"Yeah she does." Declan answered.

"Is she home?"  
"Yes... but she's asleep and I'd rather not wake her." Declan said.  
"Are you related to her in anyway?"  
"I'm her brother." Declan said.

"Ok... you're familiar with the sexual assault and battery case?"

Declan nodded.

"Here are her notice to appear papers... you need to make sure she sees these." Declan nodded, and saw Logan walking in the distance toward their house.

"Is that all?" Declan asked, taking the papers and breifly glancing at them.

"That's it." the officer said.

"Thank you, officer." Declan said.

He stood by the door until Logan got there.

"What are those?" Logan asked.

"Notice to appear in court papers... I guess."  
"Oh."

They walked back inside and up the stairs. Once they were up the stairs they could hear Fiona screaming.

"Shit." Declan muttered, shoving the papers into Logan's hands.

Declan ran into the room and Logan quietly followed.

"Fi, it's ok... wake up Fi." Declan said taking her hand and shaking it, trying to get her to wake up.

"Fiona... please wake up, it's ok." Declan said again.

Fiona finally opened her eyes. She reached up and put her arms around Declan, who returned the hug.

"I hate this!" Fiona said.  
"I'll bet you do." Logan said, sitting beside her on the bed.

Fiona, who was still holding onto her brother smiled a little.

"Logan!" she said. Reaching with one arm over to him. She looked weak, and her arm shook when she extended it.

He took her hand and smiled at her.

"Wanted to see how you were doing, Fiona." Logan said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

She smiled back at him, a real smile, but a weak one.

"Fiona... you alright?" Declan asked. Her grip on him had loosened. "Fi?"

"I... I feel sick." Fiona said.

"Normal sick or bad, sick sick?" Declan asked, wondering if she was just scared again or if something was really bad.

"Normal sick."

"Oh..."  
"I feel... numb and dizzy."  
Logan eyed Declan with a look that said 'That's normal for her, right?'

"Sorry about that, Fi. I can't make it go away." Declan said hugging his sister.

Logan sat beside her, and Declan let go of her, so she layed back down on the bed.

"How are you?" Logan asked, putting one arm around her.

"The same. How are you?" Fiona asked. Logan's eye lit up.

"The same." he answered.

"Ready for court?" Logan asked.

Fiona looked scared for a few seconds before leaning her head against Logan. "No." she said quietly.

"You aren't?" Logan asked, as if he was very surprised.

"Not even close."

"I thought you'd be so ready." Logan said, shaking his head as if he were disapointed in her.

"You knew I wasn't..." Fiona said in a small voice. Logan, of course, was joking, hoping to get her to smile, but she didn't.

"I know you're worried about it... but you'll do great, I know you will." Logan said seriously.

Fiona looked up at him. "You're knowlege must be fasle then."

"What?"

"I won't do great."

Logan got up and held his hand out to her. "Lets go to your room... Declan wouldn't like it if I was in his bed."  
Declan, who was not on his computer turned around, "No, I don't mind."

Logan sat back down and pulled Fiona close to him.

"All my friends say that I should dump you." he told her.

"They do?"  
"Ryan and Quinn do." Logan said, Declan walked out of the room, he said he was going grocery shopping with Ellie.  
"Why?" Fiona asked.

"Because you aren't giving me 'what a man needs', so to speak." Logan said, "But I don't need it. I guess I'm not a real man."

Fiona sat there for a few minutes.

"I... I could..."

Logan looked at the poor girl. She was trembling even thinking about that, and she felt like she had to do it.

"No, Fiona. I don't _want _that at all."

"B-but really, if you do then j-just tell me and I guess we could..." Fiona sat up and kissed Logan.

"No, I don't like _those _kinds of kisses. I like the ones where you want to kiss. The other kisses aren't fun. They make me feel bad."  
"Why would they make you feel bad?" Fiona asked.  
"Normal people feel bad when their girlfriends feel sad."

Logan pulled the covers around her and layed down, his head near her's, he could smell her hair... a mixture of many shampoos, roses... vanilla... but not so strong that it engulfed you. It was the best smell.

"I wish I didn't feel like this." Fiona whispered.

"I wish you didn't either."

"I feel dirty... like his spit... and his... you know... are still all over me, touching me..."  
"It's all gone by now, Fiona. I promise. You've washed it off."

"He would make me walk over to him so he could hit me." Fiona said, "I don't know why I always did what he said..."

"He would hurt you either way... but you were scared. You had the right to be scared. He was bigger then you." Logan said, rubbing her back.

"You're bigger then me." Fiona whispered.

"I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do, ever. I'm not going to hurt you, ever."

"Scott hurts you." Fiona said.  
"I can handle it."  
"I thought that too but it got worse!" Fiona insisted, "I couldn't handle it alone."

"Scott doesn't hurt me as bad as Bobby hurt you. Bobby was so much bigger then you, and Scott and I are about the same size. He can't hurt me too badly."  
"He stabbed you."

"That was one time. I just stay away from him now. I'm not getting hurt anymore. Bobby would hurt you everyday."

They were silent for a minute, and Logan held Fiona closer to him.

"Do you want to look at my pictures?" Fiona asked, her mood lightening up.  
"Sure."

Fiona went to her room... limped to her room, which made Logan feel bad, and came back with a box.

"This is where I keep all of my pictures." Fiona said, smileing and opening the box.

She showed him pictures of her when she was little... up until pictures of her now. He found an envelope at the bottom and opened it and looked through the pictures. Fiona was looking at different ones when she looked up and saw what he was looking at.

"Why do you have these?" he asked.

"I didn't know what they were." Logan answered, continueing to look through the pictures. He couldn't help it. They were pictures of Fiona with bruises all over her. Some closeups and some of them with Fiona's whole profile.

He came to a picture of Fiona with a hickey on her neck. He knew it was from Bobby, of course. He had never sucked on Fiona's neck, she wouldn't want him to, she wouldn't want anyone to.

He looked over at Fiona, noticeing her staring down at the picture with a sad look on her face. Logan, for some reason, wanted to keep looking at the pictures. Maybe just so he'd know how bad it was... exactly... maybe it was just because it was Fiona. None the less, he stacked the pictures up and put them back in the envelope and handed it to Fiona.

"Who would want to see those anyway? They just bring back bad memories."

"If you want, you can look at them. I know that you're curious." Fiona said, handing the envelope to him.

"No... it's ok." Logan said.

"Well at least take them. They're just copies of the ones they'll use in court. I don't want them."

Logan took the envelope from her and tucked it into his jacket.

"You can look at them now." Fiona said.

"Nah. I don't need to, Fiona." he said, "Do you have a picture of you... I don't know, happy, smileing maybe?" he asked, "I'd like to have one, for when I get lonely, and miss you."

Fiona searched through the box and got one out. It was of her standing by a tree. She was smiling, and she had no bruises on her at all. Logan had never seen her with no bruises. She looked viberant. She never looked as happy as she did in those pictures anymore. Maybe it was impossible for her to be too happy now.

"You're so pretty." Logan said.

"Thanks." Fiona whispered, looking down at the picture. So that was what her skin used to look like.

"You didn't already know that?" Logan asked with a smile.

Fiona was quiet.

"It hurts to breathe." she said.

"What?"  
"He kicked me in the stomach... and it hurts to breathe. It hurts to do everything." Fiona whispered.

"I really hate that all this happened to you, Fiona. I really do." Logan said, emotion showing straight through his voice. "Have you tried pain killers?"  
"Yes... but they don't work very well. And I try to sleep, cause' I'm always tired, but it hurts, and it's scary."

"The dreams?"  
"Yeah... and I'm scared." Fiona whispered, her voice breaking at the word 'I'm', and her eyes filled with tears... but they didn't start falling yet.

He pulled her up and part way onto his lap.

"I know I can't make it all go away, Fiona, I wish I could, trust me, but I'm trying to help ok?" he said.

She didn't respond, she was afraid that if she did she'd start crying, and she was tired of crying, and it hurt to cry, just like it hurt to breathe.

"You shouldn't be scared... I'm sure you've already heard that... but I hate it when you're scared."

"I c-can't help it, Logan." Fiona said, in the most pitifull voice anyone has probably ever heard.

"I know you can't, Fiona... I know."

_Fiona was at home, reading when Bobby came to the door. "I'd like you to come with me to my house, Fifi." he said._

_Declan was watching them from the kitchen. That was the kind of brother he was... protective... but he didn't want to make Fiona feel like a baby._

_"Declan wants me to stay home and help with dinner." Fiona said quickly, and quietly._

_"Aw, you can go on, Fi. I'm fine." Declan said._

_Fiona had a miserable look on her face... a look of fear, but Declan didn't notice. Bobby did, so he smirked at her. He grabbed her by her arm and pulled her outside and into his truck._

_When they were inside he didn't say anything. Fiona was pleading._

_"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bobby please!" she said._

_He pulled the car into a vaccant parking lot._

_"Sorry for what?" he asked._

_"I d-don't know but I'm sorry for whatever it was!"_

_"You stupid whore!" Bobby said, smacking her, "You can't be sorry for something that you don't even know of!"_

_"So what did I do?" Fiona asked. She was proud of herself at that time. Proud for not crying yet. Her cheek stung though._

_"I'll tell you when we get to my house."_

_"Bobby..."  
"Shut up!" he told her glancing at her for a few seconds before turning his attention back to the road._

_When they got to her house he grabbed her arm and dragged her in, and pushed her down onto the couch, getting ontop of her.  
"Did I not tell you to stop hanging out with that girl?"_

_"Wh-what girl?" Fiona asked, panniced._

_He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "You know what girl I'm talking about!"_

_"H-Holly J?" she asked, tears beginning to fill her eyes._

_"The only fucking friend you have, you worthless bitch. No one likes you, you know that right?" _

_"Y-yes... I know that." Fiona muttered._

_Bobby grabbed her hair and pulled it back. "Now, go stand by the TV." he told her._

_Fiona didn't question it. She'd learned to do what ever Bobby said._

_She stood bye it and he took a picture of her, turned his camera off, and set it down. "Now come here baby." he said, holding his arms open for her._

_She walked over to him and stopped just out of arms reach._

_"Please, Bobby. You've been hurting me. I'll still date you... if you stop."_

_"You're still going to date me anyway." he said, throwing her to the ground and kicking her._

_"Stop, Bobby, please!"_

_He punched her in the arm and used her hair to pull her up, then pinned her to the wall._

_"Bobby, let me go. I want to break up!" Fiona's voice died to a whisper. Bobby wouldn't let her leave, and she could already see his fist forming. It was not a good idea._

_He punched her so hard that her head turned and hit the wall. He shook her so hard. It was so easy for him to._

_"Is this what you want, Fifi? We could be happy if it wasn't for you. __You're__ the one ruining everything. Have you ever stopped to think why I have so many friends and you don't?"_

_That hurt Fiona, she was struggling to breathe... and she was in pain... and maybe... just maybe Bobby was right. She tried to catch up with her breathing._

_Bobby pulled her into a hug, "See, Fifi, I've been in a lot of relationships. I know how to make things work. You've only been in two. You have no idea."_

_She was in Bobby's arms and she whimpered, "N-no..." she said "No, get away from me, leave me alone!" _

_She pulled away from him and started to run for the door but Bobby caught her by her arm and swung her back. She freaked out. She kicked him, and hit him and even though his nails were digging into her arm she yanked at it, trying to get it away from him. He was holding onto it so hard it felt as if her bones were going to snap._

_"Get away!" she screamed._

_He wrapped her in another hug, that was so tight she couldn't move. He began sucking on her neck._

_"Bobby stop!"_

_"Fifi, honey, you're so beautiful. You smell so good, and you're so sexy." he muttered into her ear, then continued his task. One of his hands was holding Fiona's hair, so it would be out of his way, and so she would stay still. His other hand was wrapped tightly around Fiona's waist._

_"See... this is enjoyable." Bobby said._

_Fiona was trembling so bad, that Bobby looked down to see if she was having a seizure... or just scared. He laughed at how pathetic she was. _

Fiona shook the image out of her mind... those pictures had reminded of of that... that horrible day. She had went home and Declan had laughed at the hickey. She covered it up with her hand, from embarassment. Of course, Declan didn't think anything of it. Most sisters try to hide hickies from their brothers, he figured.


	70. Chapter 70

Logan, who was telling Fiona a story about boating with his uncle when he was little looked down to see Fiona asleep. He kept talking, to just himself though, maybe Fiona could hear him when he was asleep. Maybe it was helping her. He didn't know. When he finished the story, he started singing, and after that, his voice was tired so he just sat there. Then he ran his hand up and down her arm, seeing grip marks, bruises...

Part of her shirt was rolled, so her back was exposed. Logan could see what he thought looked like whip marks. Not like the 'sex whip' that his mother sometimes brought home after her job as a 'working lady'. It was like a horse whip. He reconnized it because almost the same marks were on his mother sometimes. Fiona's were darker and deeper marks. She had some on her legs and arms too. Had that bastard hit her with a whip?

Logan, not wanting to get up, because Fiona was in his lap, just sat continueing to try and identify what marks were from what objects. Then he got out the pictures Fiona had given him, the ones in the envelope. There were pictures of bruises, cuts... black eyes, a hole in the wall, probably made by Fiona being slammed into it... the couch... probably where it happened... Logan figured...

About an hour later when Declan, Ellie, and Holly J came home, Logan talked to them for a little while. Declan got on the computer and Holly J played with Ellie, while talking to both Declan and Logan.

"Sick?" Ellie asked, referring to Fiona. Logan wouldn't have known what Ellie said, if it wasn't for Holly J, who could seemingly understand her perfectly.

"No, Aunt Fiona's not sick, she's just tired." Holly J said to Ellie with a smile.

Ellie continued playing and lifted up a nerf football that Anya had gotten her.

"No throwing in the house." Holly J said, taking the ball from Ellie.

"How long has she been asleep?" Declan asked.

"A few hours I'd say."

"What'd you guys do while I was gone?"

"She showed me pictures... and we talked... that's pretty much all." Logan answered.

"Which pictures?"

"All of them. She gave me some."

"Which ones?" Declan asked, trying to make conversation.

"This one." Logan said, moving his arm in an awkward way, reaching into his pocket, and trying not to wake up Fiona.

"That's a good one." Declan said. "What other ones?"  
"Uh... copies of the ones they're going to use for evidence. She didn't want them, so she gave them to me."

"Oh." Declan said, like it was normal.

Fiona started trembling and Logan looked down at her with a bit of concern in his eyes.

"She does that all the time." Holly J said, dismissing it with a wave of her hand.

"She does?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, no big deal. She's probably having a nightmare."  
"Should I wake her up?"  
"No... she needs to sleep as much as possible."  
"But she's scared." Logan insisted, looking down at Fiona.

"I have news for ya'," Holly J said "She's going to be scared no matter what. And she needs to sleep."

"But, imagine having a dream that someone was r-" Logan stopped, he was trying to teach himself not to say that word. Fiona didn't like it. "Being hurt. It's probably very scary. She says it hurts when she had dreams like that."

"Maybe you should wake her up..." Declan said, spinning the computer chair around. "If you want."

Logan slowly shook, or rather rocked, Fiona awake with his hand.

When Fiona woke up, Logan was still with her, and Declan was home, with Holly J, who saw Fiona awake and ran over to her.

"I missed you so much, Fi!" she squealed, taking Fiona's hand and giving it a little squeeze.

Fiona smiled a small smile, "I've missed you too."

"I think you beat your record, Fi." Declan said, sitting beside her.  
"What?"

"Logan said you slept for about 4 hours _straight_. I don't know how that boy does it," Declan began, looking at Logan. "We might have to hire him for night shifts."

Logan let out a small laugh then looked down at Fiona. "Do you like being woken up from nightmares?" he asked her.

She nodded.

"Ok."

Logan lyed back in the bed, and Fiona sat up.

She pulled his shirt up and saw the mark where the knife had went in. "How is it?" she asked.  
"Pretty good, for what it could be."

"Oh my god, what happened?" Declan asked, looking at Logan's waist.

"Oh... he had a knife accident." Fiona said quietly.

"Damn." Declan said, twisting the chair back so it was facing the computer again.

Fiona lyed down beside Logan and he put his arm around her.

"You know... I had a different dream today... I had a nightmare too, but there was another one." she said.

"What happened in it?" Logan asked.

"You were in it... but that's all I remember... Ellie was in it too."

"Hmm." Logan said, rolling on his side so he could see her easier.

She looked over at him and smiled, because he was looking at her.

"Wow... a smile!" Logan said. That made Fiona laugh.

He held her close to him again and they stayed like that for a few mintues before Holly J said she was making dinner, and Declan went downstairs with her and Ellie.

Fiona and Logan stayed upstairs.

Fiona looked at him, her smile was now a slight frown.

"Do you really not care if I give you kisses or not?" she asked.

"Why would I say it if it weren't true?" Logan responded.  
"I don't know..." Fiona said... thinking of all the 'It'll never happen again' 's that Bobby had told her.

"I love you, Fiona." Logan said.

Fiona layed her head on Logan's chest. She could hear his heartbeat.

"Do you think after court, I'll ever see him again?" Fiona asked.

"Probably not unless you go to the prison..." Logan answered.

"Do you think he'll be mad?"  
"He won't like going to prison." Logan said.

"What if he doesn't? Go to prison I mean. He'll find me and..."

Logan held her close to him.

"You know that'll never happen. I'm here... Declan's here, Holly J and Anya..."

"Do you think he's better then me?" Fiona asked.  
"Of course not."  
"He would always say that I didn't have friends, and I was stupid, and that he was just trying to make me a better person..."  
"Kicking someone so hard that it hurts them to breathe doesn't make anyone a better person." Logan said.

Fiona sighed.

"Where all do you hurt?" Logan asked.

Fiona looked at him curiously.

"Where do you hurt... like what places... tell me so I can be extra careful there."

"Everywhere." Fiona said.

"Then I'll just do what I've been doing." Logan said. "Tell me if I ever accidentally hurt you." Logan said, "Or say something that makes you feel bad... just tell me."

Fiona nodded.

"You know, Fiona... most guys aren't like Bobby is... most of us won't slam you around like that..."

Fiona stared at him. "I know..."  
"Declan told me, that when you go places, you stand really close to him... and never leave his side. In Wal-Mart, you don't have to be so afraid." Logan said.

"No one will hurt you, and if they try something there are tons of people around to help you."

"Sometimes they won't." Fiona said quietly. "Once in the hall, Bobby slammed me into the wall... and no one cared. There were tons of people... no one cared."

"I know that Bobby hurt you, worse then most people in the world will ever be hurt. But it just makes you strong, Fiona. That's all it does."  
"He would pretend like I was his little rag doll, to throw around, and he would make me do meaningless things and _fix it _when I did them wrong." Fiona whispered.

"_Fix it_?" Logan asked.  
"Th-that's what he called punching and kicking me. Fixing what I did wrong..." Fiona whispered, "He'd make me kiss him if I called it something else."

Logan hugged her tighter. It seemed like Fiona was a mixture between a child, a sex machine and a play thing to Bobby. Of course, she was none of those, but Bobby liked to pretend to be her parent... and make her do sexual things she didn't want to, and over all beat her up like she was a stuffed animal. Logan didn't get it. Fiona was alive, the most beautiful thing he had _ever _seen on earth, the _kindest, cutest, _most wonderful thing he'd seen, and Bobby could look her in the eye and hit her... even when she was crying for him to stop? How could he _do _that? Logan found it almost impossible to see her frown... but to be the reason why she's crying and pleading you to stop hurting her... how? He pondered over it many times a day.

"Did I tell you how pretty your hair is?" Logan asked.

"I seem to recall you saying something like that before." Fiona said with a small smile.

"It's worth saying again."

There was a pause and Fiona snuggled closer to Logan.

"I don't know why..." she began, "but when I'm with you I feel almost safe."

"I wish you felt completely safe always."  
"I do too."

"Tell me, when is the pretty picture of you by the tree taking place?" Logan asked.

"I was in 11th grade... that's pretty much it... it was right before Bobby."

"Oh."

"I hate Bobby."  
"I do too." Logan said, "If I could, I'd kill him. But if I went to jail, I'd never be able to see you."

There was silence, and Logan felt like he had to ask. He had to know... but he couldn't. It would make her hurt. Besides, he pretty much already knew. It was kind of obvious she was 'whipped'. Why the hell would Bobby do that?

He ran down her arm and up again.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Logan asked.  
"No." Fiona said, her head against his chest. She was crying, very softly.

"More then anything." Logan answered, running his hand through her hair.

"Do you really?" Fiona asked, her voice sounding like a small child.

"Of course, Fiona. I'd never lie to you." he said, he lifted his hand from Fiona's hair and placed it on her arm, lightly, to make sure it wouldn't hurt her. She flinched though.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Logan asked her.  
"No... just... a habbit of mine." Fiona whispered.

"Sorry... I didn't want to scare you."  
"It wouldn't have scared someone normal."  
"You're normal... for what happened to you. If that happened to me, I'd be scared too."

"No one knows." Fiona whispered.

"No one knows what?"  
"What it's like." Fiona answered, "You might think you know but you don't." Her tears began to fall.

"I'm sure I don't." Logan said, wiping away her tears.

"I just can't get over it!" Fiona whispered.

"It'll take awhile for you to, Fiona." Logan said quietly.

"I'd never been hurt so badly in my life, Logan!" Fiona said to him, burrying her face in his shirt. "It hurt so bad... it still hurts!"

Logan put his arms around her and held her tight, "I know, Fiona." he whispered.

"It felt like I was being wripped apart!" Fiona said, her arms clutching onto Logan. Her fingernails were digging into him, but he didn't care. She needed someone right now, that was it.

Logan had no idea what to say, so he kept holding onto her as tightly as he could. She wasn't even saying anything now, she was trying to, but she was crying too hard. Her small body was shaking.

After a few minutes, Declan comes upstairs. He sees his sister and walks over to her.

"What's wrong with her?" Declan asked Logan.

"She was talking about it... about the hurting."

Declan put his hand on his sister's arm. "Fi... you're ok." he says to her.

She kept her face burried in Logan's shirt and she was still crying very loudly.

Declan frowned, "Fi..."

"Please help me... _please_." Fiona whispered, sitting up.

"I'm trying, Fi. I really am." Declan said, giving his sister a hug.

She clung to him like a baby clings to it's mother.

They sat like that for a few minutes, Declan running his hands up and down her arms, trying to make her feel better.

"Are you ok?" Declan asked her, when her crying had softened.

Fiona didn't say anything. She was staring ahead, at nothing, but still holding tightly onto her brother.

"I told Holly J I'd be right back down... I need to go soon. Are you going to be ok?" Declan repeated.

Fiona nodded and Declan smiled at her... a sad sort of smile. "I'm just downstairs, if you need anything." he told her, holding her hand, "Ok?"

She nodded again. And Declan felt like he had to hug her. She just looked way too sad... way too scared. "I'm here for you. You know you can talk to me about _anything_. If you want to talk about how you feel... what you're thinking... court... what ever in the world you might want to talk about... I'm here." he told her.

She gave him a sad smile. "Thanks, Decs." she whispered.

"Anything for you, Fi." Declan said, giving her one last hug and going back downstairs.

Logan sat there with Fiona for a few minutes before he gave her a smile. "I like your house." he told her, trying to change the subject.

"Thanks..." Fiona said, still wiping stray tears away from her eyes.

"I wish I could stay here, with you... forever." Logan said in a dreamy voice.

Fiona was silent for a few seconds before she looked up at Logan. "Why can't you?"

"My mom... I have to be home for my mom."

Fiona made a tiny, whiney sounds, signifying that she didn't agree.

"Fiona... I'm all she has. Scott... but..." Logan's voice died off, "I'm all she has." he re-stated.

"I know..." Fiona said quietly. "I miss you when you're not with me though."

"I miss you too." Logan said taking her hand. He lifted his hand, and her's, and looked at them. Two of her fingers had cuts on them, and her thumb had a scar on it. Logan had a bandaid on his hand. He looked at his watch on his wrist.

"I've got to go." he told her. The look on her face practicaly killed him.

"But I'll visit tomorow... I promise."

Fiona sighed, "Bye." she whispered.

Logan got off the bed and bent down to give her a hug. She smiled at him and hugged him back. "Bye, Fiona." he told her. He let go of her and walked out of the door.


	71. Chapter 71

eb Did Bobby Beckonridge ever regret what he did? The answer was, surprisingly, yes. But, unsurpriseingly, the only reason he did regret it was because he was afraid they would find him guilty in court.

He laughed at how scared she was when she saw him. Clinging to her brother... or that boy she was sometimes with... sometimes that girl with the baby. He didn't take time to learn their names. It was silly, how scared she was when they were in public, because Bobby wouldn't beat her up in public, he surely wouldn't rape her in public, she was being stupid. And how funny it was when everytime he saw her, even when she didn't see him, she looked skitish, and scared. 'What a dumbass,' Bobby thought, 'The stupid, stupid girl thinks that I'll do it again. Fuck no! Not until I survive this court case. Who the hell does she think I am?'

Bobby signed the notice to appear papers and handed them back to the police officer.

"Have a good day, officer."

The man didn't return his gesture so Bobby closed the door.

Fiona sat upstairs after Logan had left for about five minutes, then she got lonely and went dowstairs with Holly J, Declan and Ellie.

"Are you ok now, sis?" Declan asked her when she came down.

She slightly nodded and sat down in the dining room with him and Holly J.

"The food will be done soon." Holly J said, quietly.

Fiona barely glanced at her.

"Do you think I'm overreacting?" Fiona asked suddenly.

"What? No..." Holly J answered. Declan just stared at his sister.  
"I keep bringing it up. If I stopped talking about it it would just go away."

"It's good for you to talk, Fi." Declan told her, "It's helping you."  
"If I would stop talking, I could forget about it."  
"Fiona..." Holly J began quietly, "You will probably _never _forget about it."

"I have to be able to though." Fiona insisted.

"Fi, what Holly J means is that it's a big thing. Big things are hard to forget. It's like when gran died, remember? We were about 13 and you were really sad, but you barely think about it anymore, this is the same way."

"I think Holly J's right though." Fiona said quietly.

"Oh, Fi, that's not what I meant. It'll start to get better, but you won't completely forget about it." Holly J said.

The oven beeped and Holly J got up to get the food, Declan got up to help her.

Logan went home from Fiona's house... walking and looking at the picture of her by the tree, smileing. God she was pretty. God she was so adorable, and sweet, and... perfect.

But she was always so sad. She was never happy like she looked in that picture.

It made him mad. Logan couldn't help it. He felt like crying. He wasn't supposed to cry though. That wasn't his style. But damn it! It wasn't _fair_. He didn't like to see Fiona cry, he hated it, and everytime he saw her, he saw her crying and scared. How the hell could Bobby do that to her? Didn't he know how much it would hurt her?

And Scott. Scott, was not as bad as Bobby, but bad, none the less.

Scott wasn't a rapist. That was the difference. Plus, with Scott, it was almost a fair fight. Fiona was so much smaller then Bobby was... and Logan was only a tiny bit smaller then Scott.

Logan got up and opened the door, seeing his mother, with cigarette, as usual, and Scott, on the couch. Logan let out a groan.

"What?" his mother asked.

"You know what." Logan answered, looking over at Scott.

"Where have you been all day?" His mother asked, ignoring his obvious hatred toward Scott.

"With Fiona."

"I don't like her."

"I don't _care_!" Logan said, with just a bit more expression then he had meant to use. It woke up Scott, who took one look at Logan and the picture in his hand. He grabbed the picture away and stared at it.

"Who's this?" he asked, drunk.

"It's my friend."  
"She's sexy."

Logan reached for the picture, but Scott tugged it away.

"How good is she?" Scott asked.  
"What?"  
"In bed... how good is she?"  
It took Logan a few moments to process what Scott was saying.  
"We don't have sex." Logan answered.

"Why the hell not?"

"I know it's a little hard for someone who spends their time getting BJs in the ally to comprehend... but not every one _wants _that." Logan said. He regretted it afterwards, because he got a smack in the face.

Logan sighed, "Yeah... good one." He pushed past Scott and went into his room, got a picture of his dad, it was framed, and headed out his window. Screw these people. They didn't care about him. Fuck them. Scott hit him, and his mother just stood there gawking. 'Good way to show love, mom.' Logan said, walking toward Fiona's house. He'd just stay there instead. It'd keep him and Fiona more happy. He'd camp outside until morning. He didn't want to wake Fiona up.

Fiona got out of the shower... she dried off, and got dressed. But she was freezing!

She'd never been so cold as she was lately.

She walked to Declan's room and got into the bed.

"When do you think I'll be able to sleep on my own?" Fiona said.

"Let's work on getting you to sleep at all." Declan replied.

Nights were the worst. There was nothing to do but sit, and think. And that's what Fiona did... but it made her feel scared to think about Bobby... and that made her have bad dreams.

Declan always put his arms around her when she slept. That was nice of him, it made her feel not as afraid.

"I love you, Decs." Fiona said to him.

"Love you too, Fi." Declan told her.  
"Are you disapointed in me?" Fiona asked, sitting up

The question took Declan by surprise.  
"No..." he said, "Why would I be?"

"Because." Fiona answered in a quiet voice.

"No... I'm not Fi. Not at all." Declan said. God, Fiona looked so sad right now. "You're the best sister I could ever want." Declan sat up too.

"Remember when you told me I could talk to you about anything?" Fiona asked.

"Yes."  
"Do you really think I'll do good in court?"  
"Of course."

"What kind of stuff will happen?"  
"They're going to ask you questions about it." Declan said.

"I don't want to."  
"If you get it over with, won't you be happy?" Declan asked.

"Yes." Fiona said quietly. "But I'm scared."

"Oh Fi..." Declan said, wrapping his sister in a hug.

"I just don't know what I'm doing!" Fiona insisted, Declan felt a tear fall on his hand.

"Sis, you just have to answer their questions. That's all." Declan said, holding his sister close to him.

"I don't know how though!" Fiona said.

"Just answer them truthfully, Fiona. You'll be ok."

Fiona started crying, loudly.

"Try to go to sleep, ok, Fi?" Declan said.

Fiona tried and after about 2 hours she finally was asleep, but only to wake up 3 hours later.

She was crying and clinging to her brother, but she was still asleep.

"You're ok, Fi, you're alright." Declan said. When she opened her eyes he gave her a small smile, "You're alright." he repeted.

"No I'm no-" Fiona stopped mid sentence and took a deep breath, "I thought you were someone else, Decs." she said in a soft, sad voice.

"No... I'm just your brother." Declan said, returning her sad smile. "Try to go back to sleep now, ok?"

Fiona nodded and layed back in the bed. Imagineing poor Fiona getting shook and slammed against walls made Declan so angry. He sunk down beside her and cuddled her close to him. If he would have paid more attention, none of this would have happened to her. None.

"Are you cold?" Declan asked her. She was shivering.

"A little." she answered. Declan got the blankets and covered her with them. He folded his part of the blanket over so Fiona could have more.

"I don't know why I'm always cold." Fiona said quietly.

Declan didn't know either, but he was trying to be nice and not worry her, "Some people get cold easier then other people."

Fiona had already fell asleep again. 'My poor sister,' thought Declan, 'she's so tired she falls asleep in the middle of conversations... but she can never sleep.'

He held her close to him, she was still shivering. He tried to sleep too, with no such luck. Images of Fiona being beaten up crossed through his mind. Logan had told him that he thought Fiona had been hit with a whip. A whip? Who the fuck does Bobby think he is? Hitting Fiona with a whip. Declan lifted his sister's shirt enough to see her lower back. It _did _look like she had been hit with a whip. So it wasn't an "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to punch you." thing it was a "Let me whack you with a whip." thing. Fiona shouldn't have been hit at all.

Automatically, Declan thought about how much it would hurt to be hit with a whip by someone as strong as Bobby. Bobby lifted weights since they were about thirteen, Declan remembered. He forced the thoughts of Fiona being hit... and other things, out of his mind. Instead he looked down at her. She was peacefully sleeping now... and what happened now is all that mattered.

About 30 minutes later, Ellie started crying in her room. Holly J was always so tired... but Fiona was asleep.

"J... hey... Holly J." Declan whispered to her. Fiona slept inbetween them.

"Holly J... Ellie... go get Ellie." Declan said.

Declan was almost 100% sure that Holly J was awake and just not getting up.

"Please... Fiona's asleep... I can't wake her up."

Declan carefully moved his arm out from under Fiona and carefully got up, putting the covers back around her. Luckily, he didn't wake her up. He took a glance down at her before walking to Ellie's room.

By then... Ellie had already gotten herself back to sleep. Declan sighed and walked back to Fiona and layed beside her. He brushed the hair away from her face and tried to go to sleep.

It got pretty cold, sitting in Fiona's backyard. Maybe they wouldn't mind if he knocked on the door at... Logan looked at his watch, no... it was 3 am. If he woke Fiona up he'd feel bad. Fiona probably wasn't asleep anyway... but still... she might be.


	72. Chapter 72

He looked at his watch. 5 am... he'd wait one more hour. God he was tired though. Logan didn't want to wake anyone up though. That is rude. In about seven days, thought Logan, he would be in court... with Fiona, Declan, and Holly J. And that bastard would be there... Bobby. Logan would want to kill him... but, he'd have to hold back.

Logan leaned against the wall of their house. At least it was starting to get lighter now...

"Declan will be back soon." Holly J told Fiona, "He went to go get something... but someone else is here."

Fiona was laying down, the covers pulled up over her head. "Who?" she asked. Her voice was muffled from crying, and from the blankets. It was a nightmare again.

"Guess."

Fiona took the covers away from her face. Logan was sitting in the chair in front of the bed.

She let out a tired smile. "Hi, Logan." she said softly.

"Hey..." he said to her, looking her over. She did look tired... worn out, nervous, skitish... "I've been here since I left." Logan said... which after he said it sounded like it made no sense, but Fiona understood.

"Oh... where were you?" Fiona asked

"Outside... leaning against the wall."  
"You could've came in."  
"Didn't want to wake you up." Logan said.

"I was awake more then half the night anyway." Fiona said. She looked over at Holly J... but she must have left, she wasn't there.

Logan walked over to her and sat by her on the bed. Sometimes he wondered if she was still slightly scared of him. She looked up at him like she was scared of him... but maybe she was thinking about something else.

"Tired?" Logan asked.  
"A little."

"Try and sleep... I'm here. I won't let you get hurt."

"It doesn't matter who's here, and who isn't... I'm still scared... I'll still have nightmares. I can't sleep." Fiona said.

"Maybe you should take some kind of stress pills. My dad would take them when I was little... I think."

"I don't need medicine... I'm not crazy."

"I didn't say you were, Fiona." Logan said, putting an arm around her.

She moved away from him.

"I'm sorry." she said, right after she moved. She started to move back.

"If you don't want me to touch you right now... it's ok." Logan said. "I understand."

Fiona sighed and leaned against Logan.

"How long are you staying?" she asked.

"Forever."  
There was a few second silence before Fiona sat up.

"What?"  
"My mom's crazy... and I'm done with Scott. If it's ok with you, I'll stay forever."

"You can stay forever." Fiona said, looking the slightest bit happy. Logan loved how she looked at that exact moment.

"I... I have to go to the bathroom." Fiona said.  
"Ok." Logan said... wondering about her sudden urge.

She got up and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She looked in the mirror at her arms. Ugly bruises... starting to fade. She thought about court. She didn't want to go to court. She didn't know what she was doing at all... what they wanted her to do... what she should do. She slammed her fist onto one of her bruises. Maybe she wanted a bruise. Maybe if she pretended her own arm was Bobby's... she'd feel better. So she sat smacking her own arm with a brush... a can of soda... things Bobby would hit her with. She watched the bruise form on her arm. "There." she said out loud, "That hurts... and it's a really dark bruise... there." she smiled at herself... but quickly frowned.  
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked herself.

She started crying. She unlocked the bathroom door and walked to where Logan was... very slowly.

"Logan..." she started... but she was crying too hard to say anything else.

Logan got up and wrapped her in a hug. He wasn't sure why a trip to the bathroom could cause that much trouble, but none the less, he hugged her.

"I just hurt myself." Fiona said to him.  
"What?"  
"I just bruised my arm." she repeted, holding her arm out so he could see it.

"Well, Fiona..." Logan said, searching for words, "Don't do that..."

Fiona stared at her arm and kept crying.

"Why would you do that?" Logan asked her.

"I don't understand myself." Fiona replied.

"Don't hurt yourself and you'll understand a lot better." Logan said, running his finger over her arm. He could tell where she hit herself... it was red, and warm.

'What's wrong with you?' Logan almost said but stopped when he looked down at her, leaning against him crying.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself on purprose, ok?"

Fiona didn't answer.

"Ok, Fiona?"

"Yes." Fiona whispered. "Don't tell Declan, please..." Fiona pleaded.

"Don't tell Declan what?" Holly J asked, coming in with a stack of books.

Fiona didn't answer, but leaned against the wall for support.

"She's not drunk again, is she?" Holly J asked Logan.

"No."

"Holly J..." Fiona began.

"Yes?"  
"I'm ok... we don't have to do the court. I'm ok."

"No... Fiona. What are you talking about?"  
"I think I'm fine... I think I solved it."

"No, Fiona... no. You are not fine. You won't be fine until court. Would you want him out there hurting some other girl? You've saw how he ruined your life, would you let him do that to someone else?"

"He ruined my life?" Fiona asked.

"I didn't mean it like _that._" Holly J exclaimed. "I've told you so many times you can still have everything you've ever wanted."  
"Except my virginity." Fiona said, crossing her arms, trying to sound angry, but her voice was breaking.

"Fi..." Holly J said, walking over and giving her friend a hug, "You know I didn't mean it like that... you know it."

Fiona didn't say anything, but she let Holly J hug her.

"I'm not a virgin either." Holly J said.

"Yeah... but you got to pick... you didn't want to be a virgin... you got to pick who to do it with. I didn't want to do it at all!"

"I don't think it counts if you didn't want to, Fiona."  
"Yes it does!" Fiona insisted.

"I don't think it does." Holly J said. "Do you, Logan?"  
Logan was zoned out... "No... not at all..." he said.

"Well it does count." Fiona said, pushing herself away from Holly J.

There was the sound of an opening door.

"I'm home!" Declan screamed.

"Hi, Decs." Fiona said with a smile heading downstairs.

Holly J and Logan followed her.

"You're happy today." Declan remarked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Fiona said, "It's almost as if nothing ever happened. If we didn't mention it, I'd probably even forget."

Declan glanced at Holly J, who gave him a 'it's one of _those _times' look.

"Fiona... you're still going to court." Declan said.

"Oh, I know. It's just that I don't even need it... why waste time? I don't have a problem with going though."

Logan watched in half amusement, half concearn. She was bawling 2 minutes ago.

"Stop pretending, Sis. I know you better then I know me. It's ok to be nervous." Declan said.

"I can't stop thinking about it. I have nothing to do... and I just think and think all day." Fiona said.

"Well, maybe we need to find something for you do... to keep your mind off of it." Holly J said.

"Like what? Drinking? Maybe we should go for a drinking party." Fiona said, likeing the sound of the idea.

"No... you can't drink your problems away."

"Maybe I'm just stuck with it then... forever."

"You aren't going to be thinking about it every moment of your life, but you'll probably be thinking about it lot... during court, I mean." Holly J said.

"Won't you guys just leave me alone?" Fiona asked, rolling her eyes. "Do I _look _like I don't know what I'm doing? I'm still alive, aren't I? I'm doing _something _right."

"Honey... we're trying to help." Logan told her.

Fiona stared at him. Nicknames... like the ones Bobby would call her. It made her feel sick.

"I'm being serious. Take me seriously for once, and leave me alone." Fiona said, turning to walk away. Logan grabbed her hand, "Please, wait." he said.

"Don't _touch _me Logan ok?" Fiona asked, tears building up in her eyes, "You told me to tell you if you ever made me feel uncomfortable, and you do! Everytime I see you, get out of my house!" Fiona's voice was drowned by tears. She started to run up the stairs, and Logan let go of her hand.

Declan followed her and took her hand in the hall. "Fiona what are you doing?" He asked it like he was angry... he was really just concearned for his sister.

"Bobby had the right idea, I'm a crazy slut, the only time people get me to listen to them is when they hurt me... he was right." she said, "Leave me alone."  
"I'm not planning to hurt you, Fiona." Declan said, noticeing real fear in her eyes. He still said it like he was angry. "Oh, god Fi... I'm not going to hurt you." Declan said, this time softer. He pulled his sister into a hug, one she didn't return. Instead she pushed away from him.

"I _know _you're not going to hurt me, Decs. I'm not stupid! I'm not a little kid either. You don't have to have me sleep in your room cause' of some little _nightmares_... or because I'm afraid he's in my closset!"

"I never said you _had _to sleep with me, Fiona." Declan said, getting a bit irritated. "Logan's staying here... since he doesn't really have a _house _anymore... I suppose we'll all steer clear of you."

He walked down the stairs leaving Fiona by herself, leaning against the wall crying.

"What's she doing?" Logan asked, when Declan came back down.  
"She's sorting things out. And you can stay." Declan responded.

"What is she doing though?" Holly J asked.

"Crying, screaming, throwing a fit."

"Shouldn't you go help her?" Holly J asked.

"No. She got mad when I tried. Let her solve it." Declan said, sounding cross again.

"It's not her fault that she's like that, Declan."  
"I know... but I'm tired of it. I was trying and trying but she keeps going backwards."  
"You think it's easy to go forwards when you've been raped twice and in an abusive relationship? Think about it." Holly J said, going up the stairs.

"Fiona... how are you?" Holly J asked quietly.

"How the hell do you think I am?"

"It's obvious you're not happy... but tell me exactly why... I mean what exactly?"

"I don't know!" Fiona said.

"Can I help?" Holly J asked calmly.  
"Probably not." Fiona took a deep breath.

"Oh come on, Fi. Surely I can help with something. I'll probably understand better... Declan and Logan, they're boys. You can't expect them to understand."

Fiona hesitated.

"I'm really, really scared." she said at last.

"Of Bobby... or court. Scared of what?"

"Both." Fiona said, she looked at Holly J, "I know it's stupid... to be scared of him."  
"No it isn't, Fiona. Do you realize what he did?" Holly J said, staring at her friend. "That was probably the worst thing that will ever happen to you. I'd be scared too. I'd be very scared, to be honest."  
"Everyone keeps telling me to not be scared though. _You've _been telling me to not be scared."

"You shouldn't be scared... but I know why you are... and I know why you can't help it."

Fiona was quiet. If all that happened to Holly J, what happened to her... what would she do? Would Declan treat her the same... or back away? Declan was really nice to me, Fiona thought... he really is. Holly J Sinclair... but she wasn't somone who that kind of stuff happened to. It was impossible to imagine.

"Logan's sad." Holly J said. "He really likes you."  
"Someday... Logan's going to want sex." Fiona said.

"He doesn't right now. Someday you might want sex. It's not a bad thing."

Fiona stared off into the distance for a few seconds before turning back to Holly J.

"I didn't like it... at all." she whispered.

What am I doing giving Fiona the sex talk?

"Of course you didn't." Holly J said, reaching for Fiona's hand.

"Do I _look _discusting?" Fiona asked suddenly.

"No."  
"I feel discusting."  
"You're probably cleaner then most people in the world." Holly J said.

"You have no idea. You didn't feel his sweaty skin... or his tongue... or..." Fiona looked up at Holly J and laughed, it was a sad laugh.

"Well you'll never have to feel anything like that ever again. And if Logan does ever want that, and you don't... just tell him no."

"What if he doesn't listen?"

"He's not like Bobby. He'll listen. He loves you more then anything. Think about it. He doesn't _have _anything else... he waited outside all night so he wouldn't wake you. He was asking how you were when Declan came down."  
"He was?"  
"Yeah. Maybe you should go talk to him... say you're sorry for spazing out."

"He scared me." Fiona said quietly.

"That's ok. You should still tell him you're sorry."

"I should." Fiona said, getting up and walking downstairs. Holly J smiled. She was going to be a great mother to Ellie when she got older. It dawned upon Holly J that someday Ellie might... have sex. She shrugged it off. That's a long time from today, she thought.


	73. Chapter 73

"Logan..." Fiona said, walking down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Fiona. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that... I'm so, so sorry. I'll leave if you want." Logan said, keeping his distance.

"No... it's fine. I overeacted. _I'm _the one who should be sorry." Fiona walked closer to him and gave him a small smile.

"You didn't overeact. I knew what Bobby did to you and I grabbed you. That's _not _right."

"I'm still sorry."  
"So am I." Logan said, holding out his hand to her. She took it and smiled at him.

They sat there like that and Fiona started laughing.

"Do I have premission to hug you?" Logan asked.

"Yeah." Fiona said with a smile.

Logan put one arm around her and hugged her to the side.

"Are you alright now?"

"As alright as I'm going to get."

"Someday it'll be like it never happened... like you'll think about it almost everyday... but it won't upset you as much. That's how it is with my dad... and his death."

Fiona was silent, and Logan turned to face her, giving her a full hug.

"Fiona, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Will you ever want to... you know..." Fiona began.

"Not unless you want to."

"I don't think I'll ever want to."

"Then I won't either, problem solved."

"You're a guy. You'll want to some time." Fiona said, pushing away from Logan.

"Maybe... but that time isn't right now, if it will ever even happen. And I'd never make you do anything like that if you didn't want to."

"I know..." Fiona said.

"Oh, look the 'ice queen' is downstairs." Declan said.

Fiona rolled her eyes. Declan thought it was hilarious when Riley called her an 'ice queen'. So hilarious he teased her about it all the time.

"Sorry I left you like that." Declan said. "I just needed a little break."  
"That's ok, I was acting crazy." Fiona said.

"No you weren't. You're my sister and it's my job to help you."  
"I don't want to be anyone's _job_." Fiona said.

"I like to help my sister." Declan replied with a smile. He gave her a quick hug.

"Lova ya', Fi." he said to her.

"I love you too, Decs." she said returning his hug.

"What are you up to now?" Declan asked her.

"Nothing... just talking to Logan..."

"Oh. I'll leave you to that then." Declan walked away and upstairs.

Once they were sure he was gone Fiona looked up at Logan again.

"You're going to want to someday." She repeted.

"But if you don't want to, I'm fine, Fiona." Logan said, taking her hand.

She stared at him fear just barely showing.

"I promise I won't, Fiona." Logan said.

"Promises don't mean anything." Fiona remarked.

"My promises mean _everything_." Logan said, "I promise."

Fiona gave him a small, sad, smile. "Really?"

"Well I promised, didn't I?" He hugged her again.

"Really?" Fiona repeted again. It was obvious to Logan that Fiona was scared to trust anyone that wasn't Declan. That made him sad.

"Yeah... really." he said.

She didn't reply.

"Are you scared of me?" Logan asked quietly.

Fiona looked up at him and bit her lower lip. "Of course not." she said.

"You can't help it... can you?" Logan said in a soft voice, "Being scared."  
"I'm not scared of you." Fiona repeted.

Oh really?" Logan asked.

"Yeah."  
"Not at all?"  
"I'm _not _scared of you, Logan. I promise."  
"I believe you." Logan said.

"I'm just scared of... _that_."

"You shouldn't be scared. I already told you I wouldn't do that to you."

Fiona was about to answer, but Logan felt his pocket. "My phone's at home." he said quickly. "I need to go get my phone."

Fiona sighed, "Go get it then."  
"I... I'll be right back, ok, Fiona? I might be there for a bit... maybe grab some of my clothes too."  
"Yeah."

Logan went out the door and Fiona walked around the house until she found Declan.

"What're you doing, Sis?" Declan asked, when he saw her standing in his doorway.

"I dunno."

Declan gave her a breif hug before he continued looking through his drawers.

"Love ya' so much, Fi."

"You too, Decs." Fiona said.

Declan went back to what he was doing and glanced up at Fiona who lingered in the doorway.

"Are you wanting to talk about something?" Declan asked.

"Uh... no." Fiona said.

"You sure?"  
"Yeah."  
"Ok." Declan said, looking around in his drawers again. After a few minutes he turned to Fiona.

"Come here, Fi."  
Fiona walked over. "Look at this." Declan said.

Fiona took the paper and smiled at it. "I drew this." she said, staring at the crayon picture in her hand. It was of a girl in a dress that Fiona had 'designed' when she was eight.

"This was on my wall until I was twelve and one of my friends asked me why I had a girly picture tacked to my wall, then I put it in this folder... with the rest of your drawings and letters you gave me."

Fiona smiled at it.

Declan took out another paper

"Dear Fi," it said,

"Please rinse your HAIR out of the shower... right now. I refuse to take a shower or bath unless you do so.

Love, Declan"

Under it Fiona had written a reply.

"Oh Decs, it's not that hard to rinse hair out of the shower. Go ahead and turn the water on. It'll go down.

Love you too, Fi-fi-fi-fiona."

"I remember when I did that." Fiona said, "The Fi-fi-fi-fiona thing... because you were mad once... and said my name like that... and it was funny."

Declan reached up for his sister's hand.

"When did we get so old?" he asked.

"Old?"  
"Not elderly... but old... with problems..."  
"I don't know."

"When did my sister stop being adorable... and start being 'the sexiest girl in class'. That's what they'd say about you, Fi. It was creepy and annoying to listen to it."

"You're the sexiest boy in class to the girls... especially that scary nerd girl." Fiona said smileing at what Declan said was 'the weirdest thing'. He had came home that day holding onto his neck and looking greatly disturbed.

"Clare? She's not too bad... just a bit of a dreamer."

Fiona laughed.

"I like it when you laugh." Declan said.

"I do too."

"What'd you come in here for?"

"What?" Fiona asked, looking down at her bruises.  
"Did you want to talk?"  
"Should I be scared of Logan?"  
"I don't think so." Declan said.

"I don't either."  
"Then what's the problem?"

Fiona bit her lower lip and looked down at her brother, who was crouched looking through the bottom drawer.

"Fi, he won't hurt you. He's Logan, and if he does anything wrong tell me. No one's ever going to lay a finger on you ever again, Fi."

Fiona was quiet and Declan got to his feet and faced his sister, putting his hands on her shoulders. "I trust Logan." he said.  
"You trusted Bobby too."  
"I always kept an eye on you... until you told me to stop." Declan said.

Fiona looked sad and Declan quickly spoke again, "But that doesn't mean any of it was your fault. No one deserves to get hit or be forced to do something they don't want... ever."

Declan remembered when he noticed Fiona upset the first few weeks she was dating Bobby.

He had asked someone from his class about Bobby. Some random guy, actually.

_"You know Bobby Beckonridge?"  
"Yeah."  
"Is he a... you know, is he a player?" Declan had asked._

_"I think he already is in a relationship... dude."  
"That's not what I'm saying, I'm straight... but my sister is dating him... is he a good guy?"_

_"He likes man-handling people sometimes... but nothing too bad you know. My girlfriend dated him once."_

_"Oh... thanks." Declan said, running off to his next class. Fiona was probably over reacting._

"Where's Logan?" Declan asked.

"He went to get some of his things." Fiona answered.  
"Oh."

There was a moment of silence.

"Fiona, I'm so sorry." Declan said suddenly.

"What?"

"I should have paid more attention to you. If it wasn't for me, then none of this would happen at all! I'm sorry!" Declan said, wrapping her in a tight hug.

Fiona let Declan hug her. She loved hugs from Declan. They made her feel safe. She returned his hug, with an equally as tight one.

"It's not your fault, Decs." Fiona said, giving him a small, sad smile.

"Yes it is. You're my sister for crying out loud! My sister!"

"Declan, I'm not Ellie. Ellie is the one who you're in charge of watching over... not me."

"Mom said for us to look out for each other... and I failed. I was supposed to make sure everything was great for you, but I didn't." Declan said, holding onto Fiona as tight as he could.

"Don't feel bad, Declan. It's ok. I don't blame you... no one does, because it isn't your fault."

"No matter what you say, it's at least a little my fault, Fi. I could have noticed sooner, and stopped it."  
Fiona smiled at him. It was a soft smile. "I love you, Decs. You're the greatest brother ever."  
"I love you too, Fi." Declan said, starting to get calmer

Declan sat on the bed and Fiona sat beside him, putting a pillow on her lap.

"You gonna sleep with Logan tonight?" Declan asked, "Sleep as in sleep and not sex."

"Probably."

"Tell me if he does anything wrong... if you want you can sleep with me. You don't have to sleep with Logan."

"I know."  
"Just making sure." Declan said, reaching for his sister's hand.

"Are your nightmares getting better?"

"No." Fiona answered, "Not at all."

"Oh."

"But... I might as well get used to them."

"They'll go away someday."

"I doubt that."

"It's going to take awhile for you to be ok, Fi."

"Let's just not talk about it right now, ok?" Fiona asked, looking at her brother.

"Alright, Fiona. If you want to talk again, let me know." Declan said, giving her hand a little squeeze.

"I will, Decs."

They were both silent for a few seconds before Declan spoke.

"So three days until the trial."

Fiona lifted the pillow off and set it... or rather, threw it, onto the bed.

"I _said _I didn't want to talk about it!" she said.

"Ok... sorry. Just trying to make conversation... it just came up."

"Well I don't _want _to make a conversation out of that right now."  
"Alright... we won't talk about it then." Declan said, holding his hands up in defense. He had a sarcastic tone to his voice. Fiona took a sharp intake of air when Declan raised his hand; he noticed this and he put his arm around her, "Fi, I won't hit you. I already said that."

"I don't want to talk about it... or anything to do with it, ok?" Fiona asked, her voice starting to quiver.

"Alright Fi, that's fine by me." Declan said, holding his sister close to him.  
"I am really scared... Decs... I mean it." Fiona said.

"Did you think I didn't believe you were scared before?" Declan asked her.

"I don't know... why are you making me go to court?"  
"So that asshole will be put in _jail_." Declan said, looking down at his sister. "I know it's scary... but you'll be fine. I know you will. No one will let you get hurt."  
"But I'll have to relive it... and go through it again."  
"Isn't that what you do every night when you sleep?" Declan asked her.

"I told you I didn't want to talk about that, Decs." Fiona whispered.


	74. Chapter 74

Declan looked down at Fiona who had fallen asleep nearly on his lap. Was Logan ever going to come back? What was taking him so long? He had told Fiona that he'd probably be back by the time she woke up... but he still wasn't back. It couldn't take that long to get some clothes and a phone!

Logan better not haved lied to Fiona. She was excited that he was here, so he should be with her, _now._

Of course... maybe Logan was having problems at home... it was obvious something was wrong... when he had cuts and bruises all over him... when he acted the same as Fiona did, before anyone knew about Bobby's hurting her. He might be stuck there right now trying to help his mother or something, Declan thought.

Declan's thoughts shifted to why 'this' happened. He had thought Fiona's cries for help were just her overreacting. Her always running to her room right when she got home and crying... just being a drama queen, that's what he thought. And when Holly J told him she was pregnant, and Fiona was making jokes about it, he had slapped her and saw how scared she looked when he raised his hand, 'What a drama queen.' he thought, 'I barely touched her.'. Then a few minutes later he learned that the basterd had been hurting her... the next morning he learned that Bobby had raped her... the first time. He should have listened to her... and put the pieces together, he was stupid.

Fiona flinched in her sleep and Declan tried to push the thoughts away... it was nobody's fault but Bobby's. Bobby did it, no one wanted him to, he made the choice.

Holly J walked in carrying Ellie with one arm and a cellphone with another.

"Fiona..." she began, but she saw Fiona was asleep. "Oh... tell Fiona that Logan called and said he has to stay for longer... to help out his mom... work things out with her boyfriend... I think that's what he said."  
"Oh, ok, J."  
"No problem." Holly J said walking out.

"I'll help more... once Fiona starts feeling a little better." Declan said, "I really will."  
"Ok... I have to get grocheries..." Holly J said, leaving the room.

A few minutes later Declan heard the car start. He wished he could help more... and spend more time with Holly J... but Fiona need him.

The doorbell rang and Declan got up careful not to wake Fiona up.

He went downstairs and opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" he said when he saw who it was.

"I've come to talk to your sister, about the court case." Bobby answered.

"She isn't supposed to talk to you." Declan said, trying to stay calm. It's hard to stay calm when the man who raped your sister is standing so close in front of you... close enough to _kill_ him.

"Can I talk to you then?"  
"No, in fact, you can not."  
"Oh come on Declan. We used to be best buds... remember? You and Fiona, you two used to follow me around like puppies."  
Declan stared into Bobby's eyes. "Why would I want to talk to my sister's rapist?"

"You have to know by now that she's been messing with you. I never did any of that stuff to her."  
"You keep changing your story, Bobby." Declan said. "Sometimes you hurt her... sometimes you didn't... and it's really pathetic when I've been there to watch you beat her up. I know the truth."

"Your sister, she's crazy."

"No, she isn't. You're a douchebag liar." Declan said, getting angrier and angrier.

"I just came to see how she was."  
"I thought you came to talk about court!" Declan said.

"I came for both."  
"Well no one here is going to talk to a rapist."

"I _didn't _rape Fiona. She was asking for it the whole time. I was just trying to give her what she wanted."  
"She told you she wanted you to punch her and smack her with a whip?"  
"I never did that."  
"Sure you didn't, excuse me, I have to go and check on Fiona." Declan said, closing the door.

He walked up the stairs to see Fiona was already awake. "Hey, Fi."

"Hey..."

"Wanna do something?" Declan asked.

"Like what?" Fiona said, getting out of the bed.

"I don't know... pick something."

"I'm thirsty."  
"Well... come down and get a drink." Declan said, taking her hand and walking her out the door and down the stairs.

Bobby sat on the couch and looked up at them coming down the stairs.

"Get out of my house." Declan said. He didn't notice that Bobby had came in... until Fiona stood closer to him and stopped walking.

"I need to talk to you." Bobby said to them.

"We don't want to talk, get out." Declan put his arm around Fiona, she was scared... he could tell.

"No, I _need _to talk to you. My lawyer wants me to."  
Fiona was trembling. "You need to get out of our house now."  
Bobby got up and walked toward them, up on the stairs until he was one step away from them. Declan stepped in front of Fiona.

"I never said you could come in. Get out now, or I'll call the police."

"My lawyer told me to talk to Fiona." Bobby insisted.

"Well, her lawyer said to stay the fuck away from you so get out of my house."  
Bobby refused to leave.

"Go get my phone, Fi. It's on my desk by the computer." Declan told her, but Fiona was frozen in place... too scared to move.

"I just want to go over things with you, Fifi. No reason to be scared." Bobby said, holding out his hand to her.

Her eyes lingered on it for a few seconds before she collapsed against Declan, hysterically crying.

Declan put both his arms around her, holding her against him. "Just leave us alone, and get out of our house."  
"Fiona... you're getting a little into the act now. Even your brother knows that I never really hurt you." Bobby said, staring down at her.

Declan backed himself and Fiona away from Bobby. "Get out now."

"Fine... whatever. Refusing to speak is one of the first signs of lying." Bobby said, heading for the door.

"You and I both know she's not lying." Declan said, his arms still around his shaking, crying sister.

Bobby spun around and walked back up toward Declan. "Can't we be buds again? Like old times."  
"You _raped _my sister. You hit her, and shook her, and kicked her. Why would I want to be 'buds' with you?"

"Why in the world would I do that?" Bobby asked.

"I don't know why you did it." Declan said, his arms still around his sister who was now looking up at Bobby, tears still in her eyes, some still falling. Declan looked at Fiona. _She's scared_, he thought, _because of this prick._

Declan guided Fiona further up the steps and pushed Bobby. The sound of Bobby's body rolling down the stairs made Declan happy. Fiona had been pushed down the stairs... now Bobby will understand how it felt. He walked down and kicked Bobby punched him and hit him.

"See? That's how _she _feels, but worse!" Declan said

"If you wanted me to leave, you could have told me." Bobby said, looking unscarred and emotionless. He stood up and dusted himself off. "Good day." he said with a smile, walking out their door.

Declan turned to his sister, who was sitting on one of the steps, crying. He walked up to her and sat beside her, wrapping her in a hug.

"You're ok, Fi. He's gone now... and you're ok."  
"Why was he in here?" Fiona asked through her tears.

"He came to the door, I told him to leave and when I came back from checking on you he was in the house. He just came in."

She layed her head against his shoulder, crying... probably because of memories... and fear.

"Fiona... you're alright... you're ok now."

"Declan..." Fiona began, "I hate him... I'm scared of him."  
"I know, Fi. I hate him too. But I'm not scared of him, because he's obviously weak... no one hits their girlfriend unless they're a wimp."  
"He's not weak... he's strong."  
"Maybe he can lift weights... but he's not a good person, and I'll bet you that if someone as big as him tried to fight with him, he'd be scared."

"In a few days I'm going to see him again. I can't see him again." Fiona whispered.

Declan thought about what Fiona would do in court if he wasn't right beside her... if she was up there alone, having to talk about it, with Bobby watching.

"You'll do fine." he told her, he didn't much believe it.


	75. Chapter 75

"Logan never came back." Fiona said.

"He said he'd be awhile... maybe he meant days." Holly J replied, picking up her purse.

"Are you sure you can stay here alone?" Declan asked.

"Yeah."

"Really?"  
"Yes, Decs. Go." Fiona said.

"Don't answer the door for anybody... ok?"  
"Yes."

"If you're even a little bit scared, you can come with us." Declan said.

"I'm just tired... I'd rather stay home. I'll stay upstairs."  
"Keep the doors locked."  
"Yes."  
"Ok... Fi. Be careful." Declan said, hugging her.

"I've stayed home alone before when I was ten." Fiona pointed out.

Declan gave her a small smile, "Yeah... but it's different now."

She returned the smile. "I'll be fine." she said. She didn't really believe it. She was just trying to go forward instead of backward... trying to move on.

"Alright. Call me if you need _anything_."  
"Why wouldn't I?" Fiona asked, sitting on her bed.

"Fi... please just listen, ok?" Declan asked, as if he was a frusterated teacher, or a parent.

"I am." Fiona said.

"Be careful. Keep the doors locked. Don't open the doors for anybody. Holly J and I have a house key..."  
"Ok... Mr. Coyne. I think that's enough. I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not... but I'm just trying to watch out for you. You're my sister. I don't want anything like... like _that_ to happen again."  
"It won't... I'm just tired... I'll be asleep."  
"Ok, Sis. Call if you need anything, we'll be right back. Are you sure that you don't want one of us to stay with you?"  
"I'm sure, Decs. Now go."  
"Ok." Declan said, giving her a one-armed hug. He smiled at her and walked out the door. As soon as he left... she _really _wanted him to come back... but she could do this... she'd be fine. Declan wouldn't leave her alone if he even _suspected _that she'd get hurt. She was ok. She was just watching Ellie while Holly J and Declan had some alone time... it was only two hours. Fiona jumped when her phone rang. It was Declan.

"I'm fine, Decs." she said as soon as she answered the phone.  
"Alright... just checking."

"Thanks, Declan." Fiona said quietly, her voice cracked.

"You sure you're fine?"  
"Yeah, Decs, I am." Fiona said, wiping her eyes.

"Alright... see you in a bit then." he said.

"See you."  
"Bye, Fi. Love you."  
"Love you too."

The line went dead and she was alone again. All she had to do was wait. Nothing would happen... she needed to just wait... and then she'd be ok.

She sat on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest and sighed, she couldn't help but cry.

A few minutes later she heard a knock on the door. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't answer it. She was listening to what Declan said, she thought it was pretty reasonable to not answer the door. A few minutes later she got a call on her phone, "Hello?" she asked, her voice a bit shakey.

"It's me... Logan, are you guys at home? The car was gone... I came back."  
"I... Yeah... I'm home, one second."  
"Didn't you hear me knock?"  
"Yes... but I didn't answer."  
"I know that." Logan muttered to the phone.

"I'm sorry." Fiona said, "Declan told me not to answer the door." she walked down the stairs.  
Fiona opened the door "I wasn't mad at you. You shouldn't be sorry."  
"I'm a ignorant wimp. When people knock, you're supposed to answer the door." Fiona said.

"Not if the person knocking could be Bobby."

"I'm not always right, Logan." Fiona said, "Stop saying that I'm always right."  
"I thought I just proved you wrong. You said you were ignorant... but I said you weren't."  
"I mean... I'm not perfect. Stop pretending." she said, turning around

"I'm not pretending." Logan said, grabbing her wrists.

Fiona stared up at him with coldness and fear in her eyes.

"Oh... god... sorry Fiona. I didn't mean it like that..." Logan quickly said, letting go of them.

She was silent for a few seconds, staring right into his eyes. "It's ok." she whispered. It was almost as if she was analyzing him or something. Maybe she was. Maybe she thought 'I should get away from him. He'll hurt me like Bobby did.'

"I'll never hurt you." he reminded her.

"Did I ever say you would?" Fiona asked, giving him a slight smile.

"A few times. Don't you remember?" Logan asked, his hands now resting on her shoulders as he looked down at her.

"Did I ever say it _today?_"  
"No. I could tell you were scared though."

"Sorry." Fiona said, turning her face away from him.

"Don't be sorry; you used to get hurt when that happened."

He wrapped her in his arms and took a deep smell of her perfume... or whatever her hair smelled like.

"I love you." he told her.

"I love you too."

She said it in a whisper... but it was a true whisper, the first time it sounded like she _really _meant it. He swooped her up into his arms and started carrying her upstairs.

"Fiona Coyne. You're beautiful."

"I am?"

"Yes... especially with all those bruises healing. Your skin is beautiful."  
Fiona looked down at her arm and smiled back at Logan. He sat her down on the bed and smiled at her, laying down beside her and holding her hand.

"Do you ever think about things other than that?" Logan asked.

"Not much." Fiona said.

"I barely do either. I think about you all the time... and what happened. I don't know how he... Bobby... could do that. I don't understand."  
Fiona turned away from Logan, who was staring at the ceiling.

"He did it pretty easily." she said, imaging Bobby hitting her, shaking her and slamming her against walls until she was numb.

"Fiona..." Logan began.

"Yes." she asked, still not rolling over to face him. All he could see was her back.

"What did he act like before he started hurting you?" Logan asked. His voice was rushed like he wasn't sure if she'd answer his question, or be mad at him.

"He was nice." she said after a few seconds, "Then..." her voice broke, but she started talking again, "Then he started screaming... and after awhile shaking me and grabbing me... then hitting me and demanding kisses and stuff." She flipped over so she could see him.

"And after he threw me down the stairs... I told him that I was breaking up with him... but he wouldn't let me... and everyother time I told him we were going to break up he hit me."

It seemed like, to Logan, that sometimes Fiona would really want to talk about it... but sometimes she'd want to completely pretend that it never happened.

Today it seemed like she didn't want to talk about it so Logan let the matter drop. He didn't want her to feel bad because of him.

"Do you sleep in here anymore... or do you still sleep with Declan?" Logan asked.

Fiona frowned, "I'm scared to sleep alone." she whispered.

They were silent for about five minutes before Logan spoke.

"Fiona, Fiona.  
Give me your answer do.  
I am half crazy.  
All for the love of you.  
It won't be a stylish marriage.  
I can't afford a carriage.  
But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.  
Of a bicycle built for two." he sang.

"Fiona doesn't rhyme with 'crazy'." Fiona pointed out.

"It has to rhyme?" Logan asked.

"I guess not." Fiona said.

Logan looked over at her. She was so captavating... no matter what she did... all he could focas on was her beauty.

"Did I ever tell you that you're beautiful when you're sleeping?"  
"I don't know." Fiona said. "Did I ever tell you that you make me feel like nothing in the world can hurt me?"

Logan smiled, "I don't know if you've ever told me that... but I'm glad you did now."

That was his goal -to make Fiona feel safe and happy... they way she _should _feel.


	76. Chapter 76

**-Author's Note! Yeah... sorry! I know it takes a bit longer (ok, maybe a lot longer) for me to update this story than it used to. Because of school. And I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago... so... there's that. Anywhoo... here's your chapter... and enjoy it! Thanks for the reviews!**

Fiona had fell asleep in his arms... and he didn't even know the baby was here until she walked up to him demanding crackers. She was getting good at talking now... and Logan could almost always understand her. Seeing Ellie made him want his own baby. A little LoganFiona baby. The baby would look beautiful like Fiona... have her eyes... and her hair... and...

"Cracker!" Ellie screamed.

Logan snapped out of his daydream and carefully moved Fiona off of him, careful not to wake her up.

"Crackers?" he asked Ellie, picking her up and carrying her down the stairs. "Where are the crackers?"

Ellie didn't answer him so he spent a few minutes rumaging through drawers, the pantry, and cupboards.

"Animal Crackers?" he asked her. It must have been right because she took them and ran off and up the stairs.

Logan followed her... he asumed Fiona was supposed to be watching her, but Fiona was asleep, so now it was his job.

Ellie went upstairs and ate the animal crackers while playing with her legos. She was easy to watch, Logan decided, a really nice kid.

_Me and Fiona's baby would be even cuter. _

Logan ached for a baby all the sudden. A baby to be his and Fiona's. But to get a baby, you had to have sex. Fiona didn't want that... maybe she would someday, but she didn't want it now. Logan did though... but if Fiona knew that, she might get scared, or feel like she had to, and Logan very much _didn't _want that. If they were ever going to, he wanted her to actually want to. He was pretty sure she'd never want to. Ecspecially not after what Bobby did to her. So if there would be any LoganFiona babies... they'd probably be adopted. But goodness gracious, Fiona was beautiful. He watched her sleep. Her stomach moving up and down in a slow, steady, rhythem. Suddenly he was _very _interested in the 'physical stuff'... but he couldn't let her know. Never could he tell her. It would scare her to know that. Ellie was napping now... Logan closed the door so Ellie would stay in the room with them and he layed back down beside Fiona with his arms around her, feeling her stomach move up and down against his. No... he didn't need kisses, or sex. He just needed Fiona. Just Fiona to be with him, to talk to him, to make any kind of contact with him. That was all. He was fine.

Declan looked at Holly J. She was beautiful tonight. She told him he looked sexy... he wished he could feel good tonight. He was worrying about Fiona. He reached for his phone and dialed her number.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hi?"  
"Logan?"  
"Yes... checking on your sister?"  
"Yeah... how is she?"  
"She's fine... asleep now... so's your kid?"  
"Huh?"

"Ellie... she's asleep too."  
"Oh... El... yeah."

"Yeah..." Logan's voice was muffled.

"Ok... that's all I needed... bye."  
"Bye."  
Declan closed his phone and looked up to see Holly J staring at him.  
"Hey, babe." he said.

"I was _talking _to you, Declan." Holly J said. "And you just ignored me and dialed on your phone."  
"Sorry... Holly J... really." Declan said, "I was worried about Fiona."

Her face relaxed a little bit. "Oh... Fiona."

They were both silent for a few brisk seconds before Declan smiled a little. It was a strange smile that resembled thoughts like "Oh god... what are we going to do?"

"Court's in a few days... three." Declan said.

"I bet she's scared." Holly J said quietly.

"Of course she is."  
"Maybe we should be home, with her. To help."  
"No... tonight's our night, J. She's ok. She's with Logan."

Holly J smiled at this, but Fiona was in the back of her mind.

Fiona woke up from her nightmare, pushing herself away from the body beside her. She sat up. It was Logan, sleeping by her. No big deal. Her instincts had told her it was Bobby... but it wasn't, she was ok. It was just Logan and Logan would keep her safe.

She layed back down beside him. He was still fast asleep, but even in his sleep he put his arms around her. She smiled and drifted off into her own sleep again... but she suddenly remembered the trial, which woke her within a few seconds. Oh god, the trial... Bobby... her thoughts raced in her head.

It crossed her mind that maybe she wasn't even raped. She never did clearly state 'no', did she? He couldn't read her mind and know that she was thinking 'no'... but he had to have put it together... right? You don't hit people around and then think they would want to have sex with you.

_"Stop trying to make him the good guy, Fi." _

Declan's words echoed through her mind, and Fiona knew he was right. Declan was always right.

Thinking about it made her start crying. She thought she was stupid. Did she _want _to be sad? If she would stop thinking about it then she would forget about it, but she was just too stupid to shut herself up. That's what Bobby always told her.

_"Bobby please! Stop! I'll tell Declan! Declan will do something about it. He'll be mad." Fiona stuggled to say through the pain being caused by being slammed against the wall._

_"And you think he'll believe __**you**__?" Bobby had asked, pinning her against the wall by her shoulders. "If you're smart, you'll shut the fuck up. You need to be taught that not everything's about you... and your little fairytale, some things are about __**me**__!" _

_He had punched her then and she started crying. She sunk down to the ground, not exactly sure what was happening now. All she knew was that it hurt when she breathed... and that she was crying. Bobby was kicking her now._

_"Fi... I'm home!" Declan said. Fiona heard the door slam._

_"Get up god damn it!" Bobby had said, yanking her up by her arm. She did as she was told, the best she could. By the time Declan found them in the kitchen she had fixed herslef up so you almost couldn't tell she was covered in bruises... or was in horrible pain everytime she took in a breath. Declan entered the kitchen and Fiona ran over to him, giving him a big hug. She looked over Declan's shoulder to see Bobby glaring at her, a glare that said 'Don't let him suspect anything.'_

_Declan returned her hug and after a few brisk seconds she pulled away from him. She looked up into his eyes... biting her lower lip to keep from saying 'Decs... please, please, please help me... please...' She knew she had tears in her eyes. She half wanted her brother to see them... so he could save her... take her away from this all... but she hid them, as always, because no one could save her, and it would anger Bobby if they even tried._

_Bobby walked around Declan and put his arm around Fiona leading her away from Declan and hugging her tighter. He felt her heart beat race faster and faster in her chest that was against his own. _

_"Are you ok, Fi?" Declan had asked that day, not acknowleging Bobby at all._

_"I'm fine, Decs." Fiona said, slightly pulling away from Bobby so she was facing her brother. She struggled to plaster a smile to her face. It was all she could do to even breath. "Why would you think otherwise?"  
"You just colapsed in my arms a few seconds ago." Declan said, eyeing his sister. Bobby could tell he was suspicious... and Fiona knew it. His grip on her arm tightened._

_"No... Declan. I'm fine." Fiona said, smiling again and turning back to Bobby. Bobby saw the fear in her eyes and he bent down to kiss her. Fiona couldn't refuse it, even more so since Declan was there. He's suspect something. She pretended to enjoy it._

_"While you guys are doing __**that**__," Declan began with a discusted look on his face, "I'm going to go up to my room and read." he took an apple out of the basket sitting on the center of the table and left the room._

_Once Bobby heard Declan's feet thumping up the stairs he pushed Fiona to the ground again. "You better start taking acting classes, he almost found out. You better make a list of excuses... you'd better..." Bobby went on and on... but Fiona had zoned out, staring at the opposite wall, hoping that soon he'd just leave... soon maybe she'd die. She didn't care what happened. She wanted out of this. She was scared._

_She was brought back to reality when she felt a hot sting on her cheek, realizing that Bobby's hand was raised again, soon after she felt another sting.  
"Where you listening?" Bobby asked._

_"Yes!" Fiona answered quickly, "I was."_

_"Good." Bobby said, looking around. "I'll see you tommorow, baby... I'll see you. Goodbye."  
He started to walk away before he turned back and gave her a long, cold, stare. _

_"Goodbye, Bobby." Fiona muttered._

_He walked out the door._

_After he left Fiona had rushed upstairs and put on her makeup. She went to her room, looked out the window for a long time, then painted her nails. Things to keep her thinking away from Bobby, but that was the only thing she truely thought about. She went to sleep, but only for about thirty minutes. She tried to sleep again, but failed. It was stormy, there was thunder and every little sound made her jump. She slowly got out of bed and walked across the hall to her brother's room. She opened the door._

_"Decs?" she whispered. "Are you awake?"_

_Declan had rolled over and looked up at Fiona, turning on the lamp. Fiona could see that Holly J wasn't with him this time. Sometimes Holly J slept in the guest room, which was the rules of her staying in New York with them. Most of the time, however, she slept with Declan anyway._

_"Fi?" Declan asked quietly, he was half alseep._

_"Can't sleep, Decs." Fiona answered._

_"You haven't been afraid of storms and things that go bump in the night since you were seven." Declan said._

_Fiona stood in his doorway silent._

_"What's up, Sis?" Declan asked, growing suspicious and slightly sitting up._

_"I feel sick."  
"Take a pill."  
"Declan..." Fiona began quietly._

_"Yeah, Fi?" Declan said, now sitting up._

_"I'm scared." It slipped out of her mouth and she regretted saying it. Now she was even more scared. Bobby would know now._

_"Of what... Fi?" Declan had asked, looking at her with great intrest now._

_"I'm just scared." Fiona repeted when she couldn't think of anything else 'safe' to say._

_"Sleepwalking, Sis?" Declan asked. Good, he thought it was a joke. "Come here." He patted the bed.  
Before Fiona could even think she said "I'm not sleep walking."  
"Just scared, huh?" Declan asked._

_"Decs..." Fiona started crying and she walked over and layed down on the bed beside her brother._

_"What are you scared of, Fi?" Declan asked, hugging his crying sister._

_Fiona didn't answer him though._

_"Are you pregnant?" he asked._

_"No." Fiona managed to whisper._

_"If you are... you can tell me, and I'll help."_

_"I'm not, Decs."_

_"Ok... whatever it is you can tell me." Declan said. His voice was soft and careing. His arms were careful, and not harshly prodding and smacking at her... of course, that was how Declan always was._

_Fiona had almost told him that night, but instead she just whispered, "Can I sleep with you tonight?"_

_And he had answered "Of course, Fi." because it was obvious she really __**was **__scared of something. So she had fell asleep in his arms. He'd woke the next day and left her to sleep in his bed. He wondered what it was all about, so he asked Bobby and Bobby said that she had thought that he was cheating on her._

_"Are you?" Declan asked, slightly angry._

_"No... of course not."_

_Declan didn't know why this would terrify Fiona so badly, but he dismissed it. It must have been something Fiona didn't want him to know._

Declan zoned in to what Holly J was saying again. He only heard her last few words, "Guess it's about time to go home."

"Yeah." Declan said, thinking about all the clear cries for help Fiona had given him. But that was over now, and done. He was doing the best he could now, and that was all he could do.


	77. Chapter 77

**-I'm thinking about making a second story that has a Fiona's feelings when Bobby was hitting her, things that Holly J and Declan noticed about her that they are suspicious about, ect. Do you think that's a good idea?-**

Declan opened the door and imediantally went upstairs, automatically looking in _his _room for Fiona, instead of her own. She slept there a lot more. He opened the door but didn't see her... so she must be in her room today, he thought. He opened the door to see Ellie asleep on a pillow on the floor, blankets carefully tucked around her. His gaze went up to the bed, seeing Logan with his arms around Fiona, his beautiful, innocent sister. Or would they call her 'not-innocent' anymore? Declan didn't care what anyone would call her. To him, Fiona was still his sister. The one who would follow him around everywhere, who would get mad at him when he scribbled on her coloring books... but now she was also the one who could never sleep... and who was always scared out of her mind.

"Declan... hey! A little help?" Holly J asked from downstairs. Declan glanced at his sister, and his baby before making his way back downstairs to help Holly J.

"What do you need, honey?" Declan asked.

"Doesn't Fiona _know _that Ellie doesn't eat the animal crackers?" Holly J asked, looking around the room at smashed crackers embedded into the carpet.

"Maybe Logan gave them to her." Declan suggested.

Holly J rolled her eyes and searched for the vaccum.

"I'll do that." Declan said, taking the vaccum from Holly J and giving her a brisk kiss.

Holly J said something, but Declan couldn't hear it over the vaccum noise.

"What's that?" he asked, turning the machine off.

"Is this how you pictured it?" she asked quietly.

"How I pictured what?"

"Our lives at this point. Did you picture having a one year old... and having to watch over Fiona like that?"  
"I didn't picture Fi getting raped, or you being pregnant." Declan said, "How could I think that up in my mind?"

"Did you ever think anything similar to this would ever happen...?" Holly J asked, then she gave a little smile, "Or is our life too drama-filled and crazy to be thought of?"

"It's a bit crazy now." Declan said, beginning to pick up the crackers from the floor instead of using the vaccum.

Logan opened his eyes to see Fiona in front of him. That was the best thing to see when you woke up... Fiona. He heard noises downstairs, so Declan was probably home... and Ellie wasn't asleep by the bed anymore, so she was probably with her parents. Fiona was asleep though.

She looked peaceful when she slept... but Logan didn't know what was going on in her head. She might be having a terrible nightmare right now. Logan shook the thought away from him and moved Fiona's hair away from her eyes.

"You're beautiful." he whispered to her. She was asleep, so she couldn't hear him, but he said it anyway.

He continued to gaze at her... wondering what she could possibly do to make him want to ever hit her. What she could do that would make him mad enough to lay a finger on her. What she could do to make him mad at all? He kissed her on the lips, but even when she was asleep she pulled away from him. Of course. Why wouldn't she? She was probably having a nightmare right now. Her lips had been soft. He ached to kiss her again, but he didn't. She obviously didn't like it. She woke up, at that exact moment of him sitting up from kissing her.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Her voice was soft and tired. Logan realized how bad he must look right now, sitting there... almost ontop of Fiona.

"Nothing." was his quick answer... but it made him sound worse.

"No... seriously." Fiona said, her voice even quieter, "What are you doing?"

"Watching you... watching you sleep?" Logan said, it came out like a question and made him sound even more creepy.

"Get off of me." Fiona whispered.

Logan obeyed her, of course.

"Sorry, Fiona. I was just watching you. I told you I thought you were beautiful when you're asleep."  
"Ok... Logan, calm down." Fiona said, running her fingers through her hair.

"You're ok then?"

"Yeah... why wouldn't I be?" Fiona asked, then she turned to Logan. "Unless there's something that I should be 'not ok' about?"  
"No... there isn't." Logan said, "I meant are you ok... about your nightmares?"  
"Oh Logan... They happen every night." Fiona said, she stood up and looked at him. "But they do scare me."

Logan stood up with her. "Of course they do." he said, holding out his arms to give her a hug. She ignored them though.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"Nothing..." Fiona said quietly, "I just don't feel like being touched right now."

"Is it something I did?" Logan asked.

"It was my dream, Logan. That's it. It just freaked me out... I'm fine though... in a few minutes I'll be fine."

There was a few minutes of silence. Fiona just sitting on the edge of the bed and Logan sitting beside her.

"Do you ever want kids?" Logan asked suddenly.

"Kids?"  
"Yes... children, babies... you know."  
Fiona didn't answer right away.

"Do _you _want kids?" she asked.

Logan stared into her eyes. He couldn't read anything from them. They were a mystery.

"Someday... maybe." he answered. The truthfull answer would have been, "Yes, of course! Right now!"

"Someday?" Fiona asked.

Logan was quiet.

"And you want _me_ to have those babies." Fiona said quietly.

"Well... there's no one else who'd ever have them." Logan said... meaning that he loved Fiona and no one else, but Fiona took it the wrong way.

"Is Declan home?" Fiona asked. Logan didn't know why she was changing the subject.

"Yeah."

"Then... lock the doors and we can."  
"Can what?" Logan asked, he had an idea... but he didn't think it was true.

"We can get started... I mean with the kids." Fiona had a small smile on her face now as she glanced up at Logan.

Of course... Logan's common sense told him that Fiona really didn't want to. _He _wanted to, and Fiona was trying to make him happy. He wanted to really bad... so he got up and locked the door.

"Right here?" he asked her... "In the house?"  
"Where else... silly?" Fiona asked.  
Logan began to take off his clothes... but he looked down to see Fiona... smiling, but tiny traces of fear all over her face. Not to mention she was shaking. There was _no _way she wanted to do this. No way at all, Logan realized. He'd let himself get the better of him. Just a few minutes ago she'd told him she didn't even want to be _touched_.

"I'm sorry, Fiona." Logan said, buttoning up his shirt. "I can't do that to you."

"I said you could." Fiona said quietly.

"I can't though, Fiona." Logan replied.

"I said you could though!" Fiona said a little louder.

"You don't want to, you're scared. I can tell."

"But I wanted you to, so do it!" Fiona yelled, tears springing to her eyes.

"No, Fiona. No." Logan said softly.

"Do it, I said you could!" Fiona insisted, slamming her fists down on the bed.

"Fiona, I know what you said, but you didn't mean it. I know you didn't. Look at you, you're shaking. You wouldn't like it, Fiona. I know you, you wouldn't."

"Why would I lie to you about that?" Fiona asked through her tears. "How do you know what I would and wouldn't like? You've never done it before, I have twice!"

"And both times you didn't want to." Logan insisted. "And both times you got it. You're still hurting. I refuse to do that."

"You want to though, you told me that you want to."  
"Not if you don't! I'm not going to rape you!" Logan said, screaming at her now. That scared her. She didn't like being screamed at. She was scared she was going to get hit.

She started crying deep, loud cries. Logan immediantally felt sorry. He ran over to her and put his arms around her but she got up and walked to the other side of the room.

"I want to go home!" she said.

"You are home, Fiona." Logan said, following her.

"Get away from me." she was still crying. Logan did as he was told and sat on the edge of the bed.

She ran downstairs and when she saw her brother she ran over to him, wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back. She was crying so hard she was shaking.

"Fi, what's wrong?" Declan asked.

"I hate Logan. I hate Holly J, and I hate you." Fiona said.

"Why?" Declan asked. She said silly things sometimes. You couldn't always believe her.

"Because all you guys want to do is help me, and tell me what to do. I know what I want to do. I want to have sex with Logan!" Fiona insisted.

Declan looked down at her. "What?"  
"He thinks just because I'm scared that I don't want to. He thinks just because I don't want to that I don't want to."

She wasn't making any sense.

"Fiona... you've never wanted to do that, ever. Especially after Bobby. What made you want to do that?"  
"He wants kids."  
"Do you want kids?"  
"I want kids... I don't want sex." Fiona whispered. Then she was louder. "He was almost going to!" she said.

"Have sex?"  
"Yes, then he didn't want to anymore he said that I didn't want to, but he doesn't know!"

"Well if you don't want to, don't do it." Declan said, trying to understand his sister.

"I hate this!" Fiona said, starting to cry again.

"Ok... Fi, listen." Declan said. "He knows you don't want to do that. You've told him. Therefore, he doesn't want to make you do something you don't want. That's good, not bad."

"I know." Fiona said. Then she repeted herself "I know."  
"Ok, good. Don't ever do anything you don't want to do. Even if Logan says he'll jump in front of a car if you don't. Don't _ever._"

"I'm not a little kid." Fiona said.

"Oh, of course not. Little kids don't have this many problems in their lives." Declan gave his sister a tight hug.

"You know I love you." he said. "Right?"  
"Yes, Decs, I do." Fiona said.

"Good. I'm always here to help you... with anything." he said.

"Thanks Decs." Fiona said, "I love you too."


	78. Chapter 78

"I'm done throwing my fit." Fiona said, sitting cross legged on the edge of her bed, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ok." Logan said.

"I thought you were really going to do it." Fiona said quietly. "You looked like you were going to. It scared me."

"Fiona, you're beautiful. You're _really _beautiful. But I know you don't want to. I might, but you don't. Both of us have to want it _for sure_."  
"Thanks, Logan." Fiona said.

"You thought I was going to hurt you? Do it even when I saw how scared you were?" Logan asked quietly.

Fiona avoided his eyes.

"I couldn't imagine being like Bobby, making you hurt and making you..."  
"Just stop, Logan." Fiona whispered.

Logan realized that he was purposely bringing up something that would make her scared, hoping Fiona would crawl into his lap for comfort. What had he become? He was a terrible person.

"I'm sorry." he said, taking her hand. She'd been biting her nails again. Declan told him she did it when she was little, stopped, and since Bobby had started doing it again.

He hugged her. "If I ever even _start _to do that again then you have my permision to slap me in the face."  
"I don't want to slap you." Fiona said, pulling her hand away from his.

Logan made a note in his head to not talk about anything violent. Fiona had been through enough of that to last more than a lifetime.

"No violence. Ever." Logan told her, "I, Logan, declare to never, ever hurt you, or do anything violent towards you."  
Fiona stared at him. "I already knew that." she said.

"I was just clarifying myself then." Logan said, taking her hand.

There was silence and Logan cleared his throat.

"Your court case is in two days... isn't it?" he asked.

"One, Two, Yeah." Fiona said quietly.

"You nervous?"  
"What do you think?"  
"You shouldn't be nervous, you'll do great."  
"It'll be like reliving the whole thing."  
"Once you get done though, it'll be over. Bobby will get what he deserves, and you'll start to feel better."  
"I'm never going to feel better." Fiona insisted, "Never."

"Sure you will." Logan told her with a smile. Then he frowned. "Are you on any medicine?"  
"Medicine?"  
"Like antidepressants?"  
"I don't need those. I'm fine." Fiona said sternly.

"Needing medicine to help you feel better isn't bad, Fiona." Logan said.

"I'm not a crazy person though. I don't need it, at all." she said.

"It doesn't make you crazy either."

"I know what I'm doing, Logan." Fiona said.

"Ok... I believe you."

Fiona smiled. But she wondered if she _did _need pills.

She mumbled something that Logan couldn't hear.

"Huh?"

"Do you know anyone else who this has happened to?"

"Uh... no." Logan said.  
"Oh. Declan knows someone. Declan's friend Jane. Her dad would do stuff to her when she was little." Fiona said quietly. She quickly covered her mouth. "I'm sorry I wasn't suposed to tell anyone about that."  
"I won't tell." Logan promised.

"I don't know why anyone would want to do that to a little kid." Fiona said quietly. "Little kids aren't even attractive."

"To perverts they are." Logan said.

"I guess that's how they look at it." Fiona whispered.

"I don't know why anyone would want to do that to you either." he said. "You're pretty... but when I look into your eyes I can't begin to imagine hurting you."

"That's because you're not an asshole."

Logan smiled at her bluntness, but stopped when his phone rang. He stared at the screen then frowned. "I have to watch Chrissy." he said.

"Chrissy?"  
"Yeah... my little cousin. She's about eight, I think."  
"Oh." Fiona said. "Like at her house?"  
"We'll see what my aunt wants."

"Oh... right now?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah... be back in a bit." Logan said, giving her a quick hug and leaving.

After she heard the door slam downstairs she sat in her room for about half an hour until Declan came up to see her. "Holly J and I rented a movie, Sorority Row... wanna watch it with us?" he asked her.

"I guess." Fiona said, shrugging.

They sat on the couch, Declan between Holly J and Fiona. Holly J wasn't scared by horror movies. Fiona normally wasn't, but she was jumpy today, for some reason. Near the end of the movie, when the killer was looking for the girl, Fiona got absorbed into it, feeling like she was the girl, and Bobby was the killer. When the killer found the girl, he punched her and knocked her down... and it crossed Fiona's mind that some of the times Bobby was hitting her, he might have been trying toactually _kill _her.

She remembered Bobby hitting her.

_"I'll never do it again, sweetie." Bobby said._

_Fiona cupped her hand over the right side of her face, where she'd been strucked. Her mouth gaped open in surprise, and tears filling her eyes, not just out of pain, but because she thought she could trust him._

_"You've said that before, Bobby." she whispered, "Twice."_

_"Oh you're so silly." _

_Fiona was suddenly angry, "No, I'm NOT silly, Bobby. You can't hit me. If you ever hit me again I'll never speak to you again!"_

_Bobby gave her a kiss. She started feeling better, until he said, "You'd never leave me."  
She pushed away from him, "I can leave whenever I want."_

_"No you can't." Bobby said, laughing._

_"You're not my boss, Bobby."  
"No?" Bobby asked, gripping her wrist._

_"Let go of me, NOW." _

_"No."  
"Bobby stop!" Fiona said, her voice breaking. Her pride faltered. She didn't sound mature. She sounded like a little child._

_"What're you gonna do if I don't? Tell? Tell your brother?" Bobby laughed. Then his face turned serious. "Because if you do, you'll pay." He slapped her and shoved her against the wall. "You're ok, Fifi." he said._

Fiona cuddled closer to Declan. He glanced down at her, then back up to the movie for a few seconds before looking down at her again, as if he just now understood.

"Are you alright, Sis?" Declan asked, putting an arm around his sister.

"No... I'm fine." She whispered.

"Want me to..." he didn't finish. He lifted the remote and pressed pause. Holly J gave him a questioning look.

"We'll watch the rest when Fiona's asleep." Declan said with a smile.

"Why?" Holly J asked, obviously angry. She was excited about the ending.

"She thinks it's boring." Declan answered.

"Well tell her to go do something else then." Holly J said, her eyes focasing on Declan. He rolled his eyes. Holly J looked down at Fiona and then understood.

"Oh... Fiona. I get it. We _should _do something together instead." she smiled.

"You alright, Fi?" Declan asked, giving her a little shake.

"Yeah... sure." Fiona said, "Just remembering things."

"Oh. Well, you're ok." Declan told her. "You're with us, and not with him."

His words were said in a tone that was soft and caring. It made Fiona feel a little better. She leaned her head against him. She didn't mean to fall asleep, but she did. Declan had wanted to get up, but he didn't. He'd let her sleep. She barely got any sleep otherwise, and she'd probably wake up soon from a nightmare anyway, so why wake her now?


	79. Chapter 79

He was right. Fiona did wake up quick. He could have took that as a 'I can get up now.' and left, but she was crying. He couldn't just leave his sister on the couch crying. Maybe he wanted to stay with her while she slept. Maybe he just wanted to be with her always, and make sure nothing happened to her. If Logan almost had sex with her, and he knew what happened to her just months ago, then maybe he wasn't as good as everyone thought he was. Maybe he wasn't going to come back into this house.

"Hush Fi... go back to sleep, you're alright." Declan whispered, his hand on her shoulder. She did fall back asleep too, she must not have completely woken up.

"Are you ever going to get up?" Holly J asked Declan, her hands on her hips. "Ellie is messy. She wrecked her whole room. You said you'd help. Do you call sitting on the couch being a pillow helping?"

"I'm helping Fiona. She sleeps better if someone's with her." Declan said deffensively.

"Yeah... sure." Holly J said, starting to walk away.

"I'm worried about her, J. Aren't you?" Declan asked.

"I think she'll be fine." Holly J said, "Why are you so worried all the sudden anyway?"

"Logan tried to have sex with her. He didn't, she told him he could, and he almost did." Declan said.

"If she told him he could, then I don't see a problem." Holly J said, sitting down on the coffee table.

"She was scared. He should have been able to see that." Declan said.

"He obviously did, that's why he didn't do it." Holly J replied as if Declan was a small child.

It clicked in Declan's mind, but the thought of anyone touching his sister made him angry. It was bad before Bobby, and now it was even worse.

"No." he stated simply.

"No what?"  
"I don't think Fi's ready for another boyfriend."

"It doesn't matter what you think." Holly J said, "Fiona isn't your kid, she's Fiona. She can do what _she _wants."

"I just don't want her to get hurt again." Declan said, looking down at his sister.

"She won't. She knows what's right and wrong. If you just pay attention you'll be able to help her if she has a problem. We're here for her, we don't have to stalk her though." Holly J said.

"She gets scared really easily now, J. Don't you think it'd be a little mean to just pretend nothing happened, and ignore her when she's crying?"  
"That's not what I meant." Holly J said, throwing her hands to the air. "Just keep doing what you're doing, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing." she got up.

"Holly J, I'm sorry. She'll start to feel better soon, and then I'll be with you more. She's my sister, what do you want me to do?"

Holly J's expression softened. "Just do what you're doing... I guess." she said, "I just want some me and you time someday."

"After she knows that Bobby's in jail, it'll get a little better, I'm sure." Declan said. "Then we can have all the us time we want."

He reached for her hand and brought her lips down to his.

"You take care of El for just a few more days... and I'll help Fiona out. She's going through a lot right now, she needs me."

Holly J smiled at him for a few seconds before walking away "You know she isn't five anymore. She can feed herself." she said, walking up the stairs.

Declan looked down at her, peacefully sleeping, for now. Her chest was moving up and down in a steady beat.

She was scared of Bobby, more than anything. That upset Declan. A lot. His sister wasn't supposed to be scared. She was supposed to be happy... and well... Fiona. How Fiona normally was. Everyone told him, _give her time_. And _Oh, she'll be better, just wait awhile._

He hoped they were right. No, he knew they were right. She was just scared now. It made him feel bad. That was Fiona, his _sister _he was supposed to look after her and make sure nothing bad ever happened to her. It was all his fault she was hit, and raped. It was _his _fault. If it wasn't for him then she'd be happy, prancing around designing clothes or something.

Fiona's facial expression changed from peacefullness to fearfulness and upset. He knew she was having a bad dream.

"Wake up, Fi." he said quietly, lightly shaking her awake.

"Yeah?" she asked once she woke up.

"You were having a nightmare."  
"I was?"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh..." Fiona whispered, rolling over, facing Declan now. "Thanks for waking me up. Love you, Decs."

"Love you too, Fi."

She was asleep again for about three minutes before she woke up.

"Declan?" she asked.

"Yeah?"  
"Is the couch still in the front yard?" she asked.

"What?"  
"The couch."  
"We're sitting on the couch." Declan said blankly.

"I mean the other couch."  
It clicked in Declan's mind.

"That couch? Yeah... it's still out there. No body wants to touch it." Declan said, thinking of his sister being thrown down on that couch and... he pushed the thought out of his mind, but he held Fiona closer to him.

"We need to get it away." she said.

"Why?"  
"I don't like it being there. Tell the trash guy to take it away."

"The trash guy?" Declan asked, he smiled at his sister's discription.

"Yeah. Tell him to get rid of it."

Declan was silent.

"Are you sick?" he asked finally. "You sound sick." he put his hand on her forehead. "You are deffiantaly sick."  
"I don't feel sick." Fiona said, "Not too sick."

"You've been feeling bad lately anyway. You're sick though, I can tell." he said, slowly getting up. He walked into the kitchen and came back with a thermometor, sticking it in her mouth like he was her mother.

"104.01?" he asked. "How could you not notice that?"

"I don't know... maybe I did. I don't care. I don't want you to worry about me."  
"What're your symptoms?" Declan asked, practically ignoring what she had just said.

"My head hurts, my stomach hurts, and my throat hurts." Fiona whispered, giving in to his 'mothering'

He left again and came back with two pills. "Take these, you'll feel better." he said.

She took them from him and swallowed them.

"Thanks, Declan."

"No problem, Fi. You're my sister. That's what I'm supposed to do."

She leaned over, still laying down, and gave him a hug. She held onto him tight, he had to kneel down though, since she was on the couch.

He returned her hug... noticing that she was a lot thinner then she used to be. She was small. Like a tiny little girl, boney. You could feel every bone in her body.

No... she wasn't too much thinner. She might just seem smaller. She was eating again.

"I love you so much, Fi." he told her.

"Love you too." She whispered, she laughed a little then she said "I do feel a little like crap."

"The medicine should help soon." he said, he was still hugging her.

"Where do you think mom is?"

"Mom? At some party or something, probably." Declan said shrugging.

"Do you think she cares about me?"  
"Of course I do." Declan said, smoothing her hair out of her face. "She's our mom."

"She's mad at me. Mad at me for being stupid."  
"No she isn't, Fi." Declan said quietly. "She just has a lot of things to do. She loves us. We're her babies."

Fiona smiled a little, "I'm tired."

"Go back to sleep then."

The medicine had made her sleepy... he had given her the overnight medicine, so she'd be able to sleep. She fell asleep soon after. He picked her up and carried her to her room, setting her down in the bed and pulling the covers up over her.

"Fiona's asleep." Declan said, seeing Holly J walk across the open doorway. "I'll clean and watch Ellie. You relax."

"It's not just that I need help, Declan. It's that I want some me and you time." Holly J said.

"Well we have a _baby_." Declan said. "How are we supposed to do anything with a _baby_?"

"With Fiona as a baby sitter." Holly J said. Ellie ran up to her and took her hand, lightly tugging on it.

"One second, Ellie." Holly J said, looking down at the little girl.

"Fi can't babysit now." Declan said, "She's sick even. A fever."  
"Later then, once she starts feeling better."  
"Maybe." Declan said, his eyes glancing at his sister then back at Holly J and Ellie.


	80. Chapter 80

She woke up feeling someone carrying her up the stairs. It was Declan, she saw, when she opened her eyes. She involentarily fell back into her sleep within seconds, only to wake up again, sleeping in her bed. No one else was there with her. That was unsual.

She slowly got up, feeling slightly light-headed, as you often do when you're sick. The bathwater was running, so Declan or Holly J was taking a bath, or Holly J was probably giving Ellie a bath.

She was surprised to see Declan bending over Ellie's crib and tucking the sheets in.

"Holly J make you do that?" she asked.

Declan turned around, facing his sister. Ellie was napping now. He gave her a light smile.

"No, of course not. I just felt like I should help out."  
"Yeah." Fiona muttered, her voice was soft and distant.

"What time is it?" he asked her.

"7:54."

"In about an hour you can take more medicine, if you feel sick again."

"Oh." Fiona said.

"How long have you been awake?"  
"A few minutes."

"Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up." Declan said.

"No, it's ok." Fiona leaned against the wall.  
Declan walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Stay strong, Fi. It'll be over soon. It'll get better."

"You're going to be there in court with me, right?" Fiona asked.

"Of course."

"Good." Fiona said, "I don't think I can do it by myself."  
"You could." Declan said.  
"No, I couldn't."

"Yeah you could." Declan insisted.

"No."  
"Yes." Declan said, playfully shoving her.

"_Don't, Declan." _Fiona said, glaring at him.

He was surprised that she seemed so angry. Even if she was scared when he did it, it had to have only been a split second of fear. He was her brother. She knew he wouldn't hurt her.

"Sorry, Fi. I didn't mean to scare you, or hurt you."

"Just shut up. You're so stupid." Fiona said. "Maybe I wasn't scared. You didn't hurt me. I just don't like people touching me. Ok?" Coldness leaked out of her voice.

"Fiona, I'm sorry." Declan said, reaching for her hand. She tugged it away.

She had been thinking about Bobby. Deeply thinking about it, almost forgetting that she was safe and with Declan again. He had scared her. She was tired of being weak though. She was tired of him always comforting her. All at the same time she felt like crying for being so rude, Declan might be mad at her now. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Sorry, Decs. Sorry." she whispered.

Declan stood there lamely, a confused look on her face.

He slowly put his arms around his sister, not wanting to make her angry, but trying to comfort her at the same time. She was upset. He could tell.

He was upset too, Fiona shouldn't be scared of _him._ He was her brother. Declan didn't show he was upset though. He never did. When they were thirteen and their grandmother died, Fiona had cried in the waiting room at the hospital. Both of their parents were flustered, their mother because that was _her _mother, and their father trying to find the best funeral homes, and trying to calm his wife. No one payed attention to Declan and Fiona.

Fiona had sat there on that couch crying and crying, shaking and shivering.

Declan was sad that his grandmother died. He didn't show it though. He was annoyed at his father for completely ignoring Fiona who was hysterical.

He put an arm around her and started saying things about heaven and God. Things he'd learned about the very few times he'd been to church. It didn't help much, but it helped some.

"Can people tell?" Fiona asked.

"Tell what?"  
"What happened to me. When they glance at me, do you think they can tell?"  
"No, Fi. No one can tell." Declan said quietly. "No one can tell anything about you, until they meet you. You don't even have to tell the people you know."

Fiona barely remembered it enough to tell. She remembered enough to make her cry. Instead of remembering big details, she remembered tiny ones. She remembered all of the beatings... and the _first _time. She vaguely remembered the second. She remembered how scratchy the couch that she herself had picked out felt when he was being pushed down on it. She remembered the fear, and the things Bobby had told her.

Those were the things that so often ran through her mind. It made her crazy.

What ran through Declan's mind, was how he should have put the pieces together and found out quicker.

_He came waited in his car for Fiona. Her class must'ave gotten out late again, or maybe she was doing something stupid to waste time with Bobby._

_Finally, he saw her come out of the building, Bobby holding onto her hand. She looked upset, but everytime he talked to her she looked up at him with a smile. She said something to him that made him frown, she started walking but he stopped and held onto her by her arm. She looked upset, still, she turned back and told him something. Bobby's eyes met Declan's and he let go, muttered something and left. After he was gone Fiona practically ran to the car._

_"I don't like waiting in the car for you, Fi." Declan said when she opened the door._

_"We need to go home, Decs. Right now."_

_"Expecting something in the mail?" Declan asked._

_"No, Decs. Just please take me home." there was despiration in her voice so he started off home._

_"What's wrong?" he said, after they'd been driving for awhile._

_"Nothing, Decs. I'm just..." she didn't finnish her sentence, and Declan didn't push her further._

_When she got home she dropped her bag on the floor and rushed to her room. Declan finnished his homework, which took about twenty minutes. When he was done he went up to her room. She was on her phone._

_"Yeah. Sorry. I know. Me too. I know you are. Please." Declan could only hear one side of the conversation. "No, don't. I... I'm not home." "Bye."_

_Fiona tossed the phone on the bed "I want to move." she said quickly. "I want to move now." Her voice was panniced.  
"Why?"  
Fiona paced back and forth across the room. She started crying and she screamed. She wripped a poster off the wall._

_"Fi, what are you doing?" Declan asked._

_"I...I can't do this a-anymore, Decs. I can't! I can't!"_

_"Can't do what?" he asked, reaching out for his sister's hand. She took it and started crying so hard she couldn't talk anymore. She sat down on the bed and cried herself to sleep._


	81. Chapter 81

Declan recalled a day when Fiona would absolutely not go to school. She refused with all her heart.

_"I'll be lonely with out you, Fi." Declan insisted._

_"No." Fiona said, sitting on the couch._

_"Bobby'll be there." Declan said, attempting to make her want to go._

_Her eyes grew wide and she had a sort of sick look on her face. "Go with out me, I'm sick."  
Declan placed his hand on her forehead. "You don't feel sick."_

_"I should know before you. Go without me."_

_"That's truancy, Fi. Refusing to go to school is a crime called truancy."  
"I don't care, I'm sick!" Fiona said. Her voice was rushed._

_"Do you have an exam or something today?" Declan questioned._

_"No. I just don't want to go." her voice was small and quiet like a small child's._

_"I know Mrs. Lenos is mean, Fi. But you can't just skip school because the history teacher yells a lot."  
"That's not why I'm not going!" Fiona insisted. Her voice cracked._

_Declan could tell there was something wrong. Something __**really **__wrong. _

_"I'll stay home too, then." he said throwing his books down on the table._

_They sat in silence in the dining room for a few minutes._

_"Are you mad?" Fiona asked._

_"No, I'm not mad, Fi." Declan answered._

When Declan thought about that, it made him sick. How could he have been so stupid? She was obviously scared to go to school. She was alarmed when he mentioned Bobby. Why haden't he put it together.

Now though, his sister was asleep on the bed, hopefully exaping this nightmare of a life into a peaceful dream, instead of a bad, scary one. He knew when she woke up she'd be scared though. Because it was already 1:03 a.m. Tommorow was her court day. She was so afraid of Bobby. The whole time she'd be up there talking about the worst thing that happened in her life, he'd be staring straight at her. He'd go over it with her when she woke up, he decided. He'd tell her to not look at Bobby. To pretend she was somewhere else. It would be all he could do to not go up there and talk for her. But that wasn't allowed in court, of course. So he'd just have to sit in the jury section and watch. And hope.

He decided it was time for him to go to sleep too, so he could wake up and help Fiona with anything she might need.

Fiona lay in Declan's bed, calmly sleeping. Holly J had said she didn't sleep well when she shared a bed, and she'd started sleeping on the couch, or in Fiona's bed. Fiona slept in Declan's room, and Declan slept with her. He knew Holly J didn't want him to. He knew that she wanted him to sleep with her. But Fiona had nightmares. She was _very _scared. He had to be there. And where was that Logan kid? Declan almost liked it when Logan was around. He helped Fiona too, when he didn't mess things up with his stupid word choice, or stupid actions. Declan also had a small dislike for Logan. You had to be an idiot to even think about having sex with Fiona. Very much an idiot. But Fiona liked him, so he could stay, Declan decided.

He slowly layed down beside his sister. Putting his arms around her in hopes it would prevent nightmares. She was shivering, out of fear, maybe, or cold. Regardless, Declan pulled the blanket up closer to them.

He didn't know if Fiona would do good in court or not. When Bobby was hurting her she would have tiny fits of stress and break things things that were gifts from thier parents, things she used to gaurd and not even let Declan touch; it would make her crazy. She cut the hair from the doll that her grandmother had given her when she was five. It was her favorite gift from her grandmother. Her name was 'Annabelle', and she had long, long, blonde hair that Fiona used to spend hours brushing. All of the care she gave the doll when she was little was swept away with one snap of the sissors.

Once Declan was sitting on the couch with her in the middle of the night watching TV. When he glanced over at her she had a string tied around her wrist.

_"What are you doing?" he asked._

_"Ah, nothing." Fiona said, pulling the string slightly tighter._

_"Why are you doing that?"_

_"Just a bit tired. Confused." she glanced over at him. Her face was dazed, she looked sad.  
"Alright..." Declan said, confused._

_A few minutes later during the commercial he turned to talk to her and saw that her hand was almost completely white.  
"Fi, stop that!" he said, reaching over and grabbing her by the wrist. He tried to untie the string but it was knotted so he dragged her with him to the kitchen and cut it with sissors._

_Fiona laughed when it was off._

_"What's wrong with you?" Declan asked, "That's not good, ok? You're going to cut off your circulation like that!"_

_She stared at him, long and hard. "I don't know _what's _wrong with me Decs." she said quickly. She hurried up the stairs to her room. Declan knew he'd upset her so he walked up, following her._

_"I didn't mean it like that, Fi."  
"No one ever means anything they do, do they?" she asked._

_"What?"  
"Like if someone punches..." Fiona looked up at Declan, her eyes meeting his for a short few seconds, before she glanced back down. "No... that's a bad example. Like if someone lies, and they say they didn't mean it... or if they steal."_

_"Sometimes they do mean it. Sometimes they're really sorry." Declan said, referring to himself._

_"Not if they do it over and over." Fiona said, hints of anger showing in her voice.  
"Gosh, Fiona. I really am sorry. I haven't even done anything that bad and you're saying I've did it over and over again?" Declan was a bit angry now._

_"No, Decs. You didn't do anything." Fiona said._

_"Oh, sarcasm, nice." Declan replied, about to leave the room._

He had left Fiona sitting there, alone. He didn't even know what she was trying to tell him. The one person she could trust was too stupid to even listen.

Declan eventually found sleep. Eventually.

Fiona woke up from her terrible dream. Declan was asleep beside her, rolled over, facing her, and holding her hand. It was 2:01 now. In the morning. Tommorow she'd go to court. Tommorow. She shivered at the thought and dug deep into the blankets again, squeezing Declan's hand tighter.

"Oh Decs." she whispered, even though she knew he was asleep. "What am I gonna do, Decs? I'm scared."

She talked to him, even though he was asleep. he didn't respond at all, Holly J did though.

"What are you doing?" she asked tiredly, she had a glass of water in her hand.

"Nothing." Fiona answered.

"I just got up to get a glass of water and you're in here talking to yourself." Holly J said. "I thought you didn't do that anymore."  
"I was talking to Declan. He's asleep... but I don't know. I need to talk to someone. I can't sleep." Fiona said.

Holly J entered the room and sat her water on Declan's desk.

"Talk to me then." she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Fiona sat up.

"I have to go to court tommorow." she said.

"And?"  
"I'm scared." she whispered.

"Don't be, Fiona. He can't hurt you there. I'll be there... Declan'll be there. It'll be fine. Bobby won't get with in five feet of you."

"I just _really _don't want to see him right now." Fiona whispered.

"Oh course you don't." Holly J said, rolling her eyes, "But it can't be that bad. You'll be fine."  
"You don't know Holly J, you don't even know." Fiona insisted, tears creeping into the corners of her eyes.

Holly J put an arm around her friend, trying to comfort her.

"You're right. I don't know. I'm trying my hardest to though, I really am."

"You know besides for Declan, you're the closest thing to a friend I've ever had?" Fiona asked.

"Closest?" Holly J asked, "We _are _friends, Fiona. You're my _best_friend. Ever in the whole world."

"I'm sorry... I'm used to making up pretend friendships in my head." Fiona laughed a little.

"Just take it easy. Court won't be for another 24 hours. 24 whole hours. Besides, you'll do fine."

"I really don't want to go." Fiona whispered.

"You'll be saving other people from Bobby if you put him in jail. Imagine if someone had reported him before you did. Then he wouldn't have hurt you. You need to stop the chain and be brave. Someone has to." Holly J said quietly.

"It already happened to me. I can't fix it." Fiona said.

Holly J sighed. "That's probably what the girl before you said."

Fiona never thought about the 'people before her' or the 'people after her'.

"It'll just be about an hour of court." she said aloud, her voice sounded thin, and hesitant. Like if she said the wrong words she'd fall to the center of the earth.

"Yeah, just an hour or so. Declan will be right there. You'll be able to see me and him the whole time."  
"I'll see Bobby too."  
"Ignore him, pretend like he's not there."

"It's harder then you make it sound, Holly J." Fiona whispered, "You don't understand. I hope you never _do _understand."

Holly J sometimes wondered what she'd be like if this happened to her. Better or worse than Fiona was. Fiona was pretty brave. Sure she slept with Declan, and cried... but it'd be almost impossible to be completely fine. She could be a lot worse.

"Why don't you get some sleep." Holly J said. "You'll be tired in the morning if you don't."  
Fiona nodded in agreement. Holly J gave her a quick hug. "You're a hero, Fi. You're saving someone by reporting Bobby. They'll never know, but you are."

Fiona gave her a strange look before laying back in the bed beside her brother.

"Night, Holly J."  
"Goodnight Fi. Try thinking about other things besides court. Maybe you won't have nightmares." Holly J walked out.


	82. Chapter 82

She woke up in her bed. Facing Holly J. This was strange. So strange that Fiona muttered "What?" when she woke up.

It woke up Holly J.

"Why am I in here?" Fiona asked.

"You don't remember?" Holly J questioned.  
"No."

"You had this god awful nightmare. Like a few hours after I talked to you. I don't know what exactly happened in it but you refused to go back into Declan's room. He was awake. He told you that it was ok but you just shook your head and wouldn't stop screaming. You came in here. You kept saying "I'm sorry, Holly J, I'm sorry!" It was weird. And every so often you'd wake up and say 'Don't be mad'. I don't know _what _you were dreaming about." Holly J explained.

Fiona didn't remember any of it. "Did I really?" she asked.  
"Yes. Ask Declan if you don't believe me."

Fiona decided it wasn't too unbelieveable. It was just strange since she didn't remember any of it.

"What time is it?" Fiona asked, changing the subject. She was almost embarassed about the night before, even if she didn't remember it.

"9:21 a.m." Holly J said, glancing at Fiona and seeing how nervous she was. "I bet Bobby's even more nervous than you."

"You never knew Bobby. If you did you'd know he's never nervous. He's confidant about everything."

"He's not a good person though." Holly J said, holding Fiona's hand.

Then she sighed "Logan can't come to court with you tommorow. He has to babysit his cousin. She's eight."  
"I figured." Fiona said. "No big deal anyway. I don't really care."

"You don't?" Holly J asked.

"No." Fiona said "I don't." She wasn't sure if she believed it.

"Well that's good." Holly J remarked.

"Yeah." Fiona whispered. She forced herself to smile. Ellie walked in and climbed up onto the bed. She was holding a hotwheel toy.

Fiona wondered what her baby would have been like if she would have gotten pregnant. What would she have told the baby when it was old enough to ask "Who's my daddy?". She was glad that she wasn't pregnant. That would be a difficult thing to explain.

Thinking about it made her stomach churn. She felt dirty and sick.

"Is Declan still asleep?"

"I think he's in his room, reading." Holly J said.

"I'm going to go talk to him."  
"Alright."  
Fiona got up and limped across the hall. It was _still _painful to walk.

"Decs?" she whispered when she got there.

Declan looked up from his book.

"Not scared to come in here anymore?" he asked.

Fiona smiled a little, "I don't even remember that." she said.

"You were very scared."  
Fiona mumbled something that Declan couldn't hear.

"Whatcha doing, Fi?" he asked.

"I still feel sick. I can't go to court tommorow." Fiona said.

"You have to, Fi." Declan said, reaching for his sister's hand. She sat down on the bed, her brother's hand in her's.

"I really don't want to. Don't make me, please." Fiona pleaded.

Declan looked into her eyes. He felt horrible.

"It'll make you feel better, Fi." he said.

She layed down beside him, sighing. "No it won't. It'll make it worse. I don't want to see him, Decs. I'm scared."

She turned her head to look at him. She looked scared.

"Aw, Fi." Declan said, holding onto her hand, he lifted it in the air so he could see it. He looked down her arm. There were still grip marks on it, but they were fading.

He turned his head back toward her.

"Do you really think I'd let someone hurt my sister?" he asked.

Fiona was silent before she whispered "You did before."  
Declan sighed "I was being naive and I wasn't paying attention. I'll be there with you tommorow. I'll always be with you from now on. You don't have to be scared."

Her words hurt him. It made him feel terrible. As if it was all his fault.

"Fiona, you're my sister. Any time you need anything, or if anyone's ever hur-" Declan decided not to say the word 'hurting' "-bothering you again, don't be afraid to tell me. I'll help, I promise."

"I don't know why I didn't tell you at first." Fiona whispered, her voice cracked a little and Declan held onto her hand tighter.

"Maybe you were scared." he said.

Fiona rolled closer to him.

"I really am scared, Decs. Don't you believe me?" there was desperation in her voice.

"Of course I believe you, Sis."

"Please don't be mad at me. I don't want to go. I'm too scared." She had tears in her eyes.

"Fi, you can do it. I know you can. I promise. You just have to answer their questions, then it will be done. This whole thing will be done. Bobby will be in jail."

"But I'm scared, Declan." Fiona said.

Declan wrapped his arms tightly around her. She was shaking.

"I know you're scared. But I know you. You can do it and you'll be fine. I promise."

"Decs please don't make me! I don't want to!"

Declan looked down at his sobbing sister. She was scared. Obviously. She was afraid that he'd hurt her again, and again. But Bobby deserved to be in jail.

"I can't make you do anything." Declan sighed. "But I think it'd be best if you did. I'll be sad if you don't." he said; he hated himself for trying to brainwash her into court. Making her feel bad, but she'd feel better if he was in jail. She'd _know _for a _fact _that he wouldn't hurt her. He'd be suffering. Not as much as Fiona did, but he would get what he deserved... or at least a little of it. Nothing could ever be worse then getting hurt like Fiona did. Nothing.

"Fi, you're ok now though." Declan said. "I've got you and you're ok."

"So they'll just ask me about it, then I can come back home?" Fiona choked out through her tears.

Declan was quiet for a little while. He held his sister closer to him. "Yeah, Fi. That's exactly what will happen."

"I don't want to see him. Ever again, Decs. I really don't want to." Fiona said.

"After court, you won't have to." Declan answered

Bobby sighed. This was stupid. Court? Really? All he did was have sex with her and man-handle her a little bit. Her stupid brother already threw a fit and yelled at him. He had a stalker for life and he was on Declan's 'Death List' for sure. The stupid girl probably would just stand there looking dumb. She practically fainted everytime she saw him. So if he just stood there and smiled at her the whole time, claiming she was crazy, it'd scare her and drive her nuts. Then he'd win. That was simple. That was easy. He looked over at her, standing close to her brother in the court house parking lot. It was far away but she was scared, she was shaking, Bobby could see that even from a distance. The girl who always hung out with her, the one with strawberry blonde hair was holding her hand, and her brother's arm was around her. She laughed, for some reason. Bobby couldn't hear them. He just saw that she just barely laughed. But her face turned serious right afterwards. _Don't worry,_ Bobby told himself, _it was a fake laugh. She's really a nervous wreck._


	83. Chapter 83

"Fiona Coyne, where did my client come into physical contact with you?"  
"My arms... my legs, my face, my stomach..." Fiona said, "Pretty much everywhere."

"Did it leave marks?"

"I have bruises, and scars."

Declan looked at his sister, everything in him wanted to go up there and grab her up and take her away from these people. She was obviously scared. And Bobby was staring at her.

"Did you think my client was attractive at one point or another?"  
"Well... yes, but I never wanted to have sex with him... and I didn't want to be hit." Fiona said, her voice breaking. She looked Declan's way and he flashed her a 'you're doing great' smile, which she returned with a 'I'm going to be sick' look.

"What objects did my client strike you with?"

Fiona didn't say anything. 'Fi... come on... you're so close.' Declan thought. 'What are you doing?'

Bobby was staring at her, a tiny smirk on his face.

"Uh... a..." Fiona clasped her hands together, they were sweaty. "He..." Fiona was trembling, "He didn't." she said quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"He... yeah. He never hit me or... or raped me. I'm a liar." Fiona said, tears starting to fall.

Declan didn't care anymore. It was all done. She had lost her case. When people mix their stories they always lose their case. It didn't matter how professional he looked now. He walked up to his sister putting one arm around her. "Fi, you know what he did, don't pretend. He can't hurt you... there's cops here and everything." Declan whispered.

"Sir, whom ever you may be I'm going to have to ask you to sit down."

"My sister is just scared." Declan told him, "Please, give her another chance to answer that... she's scared of him, can't you see that?"

"We never took away her first chance. Sit down."

Declan glanced at Fiona, who's expression hadn't changed. He walked back and sat by Holly J, who gave him a 'what the hell?' look.

"Miss Coyne, do you know that it is illegle to lie in a trial?"  
"Yes." Fiona said quietly.

"So tell me, did he or did he not strike you?"

"He did." Fiona said, biting her lower lip and glancing at Bobby. He was still smiling at her. Why was he smiling?

"And with what objects did he strike you?"

"His... uh... his fists..." Fiona whispered.

"Pardon?"  
"With his fists." Fiona answered, "And... a... a whip... a hairbrush... sometimes a belt.. Mostly his hands."

"What other things did he do to you physically?"  
"Physically?" Fiona creaked. "He kicked me... and threw things at me, and pushed me against walls, and knocked me down... and shook me."

"Did you say enjoy any sexual interaction with my client?"

"No... at first, kisses... but other then that, no."

"What sorts of emotions do you have when my client is present?"  
"Nervous... scared..." Fiona said quietly, in almost a whisper she said, "Dirty."

"At any time during the relationship, did you speak of sexual interaction that would happen in the future?"

"Objection!" the judge said, slamming her mallet down.

It startled Holly J, who looked up to see Fiona walking back to her lawyer, and Bobby walking up to the stand.

"Do you have any anger issues, Mr. Beckonridge?"  
"Not at all."

"Would you call Fiona Coyne unstable?"  
"Very much so." Bobby said.

"Why is that?"  
"Well, you see her now, clinging onto her _brother_, and she's obviously making up lies. She's tried to commit suicide on various occasions, why wouldn't I note her as unstable?"

_'You raped her, dumbass, of course she's clinging to me. She's scared of you.'_ Declan thought, glancing at Fiona who was sitting by her lawyer.

"Do you think Fiona Coyne is attractive?"  
"I used to. Not anymore. She's basically a self-hurting drama queen. She would hold pieces of glass to her arms and ask me if I loved her... tell me I was the only one for her. It was quite scary." Bobby said, glancing at Fiona.

"I did not." Fiona whispered... "You're a liar." No one could hear her, except for her lawyer.

"How can you explain the bruises on her arms and legs?"  
"Hitting herslef with things, collapsing to the floor... I don't know what she's done since I last saw her."  
"When _was _the last time you saw her?"  
"I don't remember exactly."

"Did you follow my client when she relocated?"  
"Yes... I wanted to see if she was ok."

"And what did you do when you found her? Where was she?"  
"She was passed out at the park from drinking."

"From drinking?"  
"Yes. I went to get help but she was gone by the time I got back, her brother had found her."  
"Is it true that you visited her at the hospital?"  
"Yes."

"What were you doing?"  
"I wanted to make sure that she was ok, but she threw a fit and ran away."

There were long periods of time were Bobby and Fiona took turns telling their story. They had to believe Fiona, thought Declan. Why would she act so scared for no reason?

Declan zoned out for a few minutes, suddenly, "All rise."

Declan zoned out again, the only words he heard were '_has been found guilty of...'_

Declan smiled, almost jumping out of his seat, running up to Fiona and hugging her. He actually started to get up, but Holly J grabbed his arm.

Bobby looked mad. Declan almost laughed at it. But no, that didn't look professional.

It was all a blur after that. Before Declan knew it he had an arm around Fiona and they were walking out of the courthouse. She didn't say anything. She looked confused, and dazed.

"Fiona, be happy." Declan said, "He's getting what he deserves. You won."

Fiona barely glanced at him, she was bighting her lower lip.

"Fi..." Declan began.

Holly J looked up at Declan. "Leave her alone for awhile." she said, taking Fiona's hand. "She's been through a lot today."


	84. Chapter 84

When they got home, Declan helped Fiona out of the car. She still haden't talked. She still haden't smiled, her expression haden't changed at all.

He walked up to the house with his arm around her. When he turned the key in their door she broke away from him sitting down on the couch. Declan sat beside her and Holly J sat on the coffee table.

"Are you tired?" Holly J asked. "I can walk you up to your room and stay with you reading or something." Fiona slowly got up and Holly J took her hand, glancing back at Declan as she walked Fiona up the stairs.

When they were both gone, Declan sat on the couch, thinking. This wasn't right. Fiona was supposed to be happy, not an emotionless zombie. A few minutes later he walked upstairs to see Fiona asleep beside Holly J and Holly J reading a book. Declan sat in Fiona's computer chair.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked Holly J.

"You saw her last night;" Holly J began, looking up from her book, "she barely got any sleep. She was up all night worrying and crying."

"I know, but shouldn't we be celebrating. She just put Bobby in _jail._"

"Let her sleep." Holly J said, glancing at Fiona, and then back at Declan. "Besides, if she's tired, while she sleeps, we can have fun." She had a little smirk placed on her face. "Mom's got Ellie for a week."

"Holly J, when I said after court, I meant more like after Fi's all better." Declan said, but he sat down by his girlfriend anyway. "But, we could have a little fun." He planted a kiss on her lips.

"Fiona's right there." Holly J said, but she kissed him back. "Maybe you're right though. Fiona doesn't need us playing around when she's like this."

Fiona rolled over in her sleep and Declan brushed the hair out of her face. "She probably just needs to rest. You're probably right."

Fiona woke up Holly J was reading by her, and Declan was asleep on the other side of Holly J. She drifted back into sleep with in a few seconds. Bobby was mad at her. He was going to find her, and kill her. With her eyes squeezed shut she reached for Holly J's hand. Holly J gentely took her hand and held it as long as Fiona could remember -she fell asleep.

When she woke up, Holly J wasn't with her anymore, Declan was. He was asleep though.

"Declan..." she whispered. "Declan Coyne..." She poked him.

He woke up, holding onto her wrist and holding it down on the bed. He was tired.

"Declan... hey..."

"Fi..." Declan mumbled. "Are you ok?"  
"Yes, I'm ok." Fiona said, as if it was obvious. "But when Bobby gets out..."

"In six years, Fi? He has to be in prison for six years. He'll forget about it by then. You're fine." Declan said to his sister. (He personally thought six years was _not _nearly enough time that Bobby _should _be serving.

"If you're locked up for six years, the only thing you'll be thinking about is _why _you're locked up, and when you get out..." Fiona's voice cracked and Declan took her hand.

"You were great today, Fiona. Absolutely wonderful. Do you even think _you'll _remember after six years?" Declan asked.

Fiona stared at him for a few seconds.

"How could I forget, Decs?" she asked, her voice was soft.

"You won't ever forget, Fiona." Declan began, "But you'll move on, someday. It won't _always _be on your mind eventually. You'll do normal things again without thinking about it."

"Declan I don't care ok? I just don't care. I want to go home. I want to go to New York."  
"Fi, we're already settled back hear. Bobby is in _jail_ he can't hurt you."

Fiona muttered something. It wasn't really words, it was more like a mixture between a sigh and crying, but there weren't any tears.

"Declan, It's just not going to happen." Fiona said.

"What's not going to?"  
"I'm never going to feel ok again, Decs. I'm always going to be scared. Always."

Declan hugged his sister. "Well, just know that if you want to talk, or if you need anything, that I'm here, Holly J's here. We'll both help anytime."

"Thanks, Decs." Fiona whispered.

Holly J was outside with Ellie, picking dandilions. A car pulled up in the driveway. She'd never seen it before. She slowly picked up Ellie and stared at the car with tinted windows, waiting for someone to get out.

"Jane?" she whispered. "Jane!"

Jane walked over to Holly J. "I haven't seen you in awhile. I thought I should visit." she said with a smile. "Who's this cutie?"

"This is Ellie... my uh..." Holly J was a bit embarassed, but she looked up to see Jane's expectant face, "She's my daughter. Me and Declan's."  
"She's cute! Bella looked like her when she was a baby. I guess all babies look a like..." Holly J zoned out while Jane talked about babies. Then it clicked in her mind that Jane might be able to help Fiona.

"Jane?" she asked.

"Yes?"  
"You know Declan's sister, Fiona?"  
"Yeah, I know her." Jane answered.

"She... her boyfriend wasn't nice. He would hurt her..." Holly J began.

"Like how?" Jane asked, raising an eyebrow

"He hit her and slammed her against walls and stuff and he..." Holly J stopped, she knew Jane was sensitive. "He made her do... things." Holly J said.

"Things." Jane said.

"Yes... like sexual things. He..." Holly J stopped herself from saying anymore.

"It's been awhile, you know. She's still really scared. I thought... well, maybe since you probably... understand a lot better... maybe you could help her." Holly J looked at Jane hopefully.

Jane was silent for a few seconds. Thinking. That was how Fiona acted when she was thinking. "Yeah." Jane said at last, "I'd do anything to help someone else."

"She won a trial against him today, but she wouldn't talk to me, or Declan. She might have talked to him now, I came out here a few minutes ago. She was sleeping all day."

"Sleep is an excape... sometimes." Jane said.

It was obvious to Holly J that Jane knew _exactly _how Fiona felt.

Holly J walked Jane into the house. "She might still be sleeping." Holly J said.

Jane walked in, "This is a nice house." she whispered.

"Are you ok?" Holly J gently asked, "I heard about you and Spinner, and how you..."  
"I'm fine." Jane quickly interupted with a smile. It was fake, but Holly J pretended not to notice.

"She's upstairs, I'll show you where."

Holly J took Jane's hand and led her up the stairs.

"Knock knock." she said aloud while knocking on the door, "We have a visitor."

She slowly pushed open the door. Declan was reading, one hand holding the book, and one arm around Fiona.

"Hey Jane." he said, glancing up at her.

Fiona stared at her for a few seconds before staring back into space. That was the girl. The one that Holly J said 'it' happened to.

"Hi, Jane." she whispered. She felt like she should say something.

"Hey, Fiona!" Jane said with a big smile. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Me?" Fiona asked.

"Yes you, come here, we'll go to your room."  
"It's across the ha-"

"I know where it is. Holly J told me." Jane said. Jane acted happy on the outside, but on the inside she was wondering what exactly she was going to do. Say "Hey Fiona, I heard you got raped. Me too. Lets talk about it."?

She walked into the room. It was a mess. She thought Fiona was a neat person, but it looks like she'd decided to smash glass everywhere. Was that _fingernail polish _ on the walls?

Fiona sat down on her bed, which was also spotted with dry fingernail polish. "What did you want to _talk _about?" Fiona asked cautiously.

"Holly J wanted me to talk to you. She thought I could make you feel better. I'm not too sure what she was expecting of me though." Jane said.

She continued, "It's not like no body else can make you feel better. We're still people. It's not like we're a different species."

Fiona smiled at this a little. Jane was right.

"And it's not like I'll be able to make everything alright." Jane said, "Because we both know it will _never _be 'alright'."

Fiona tilted her head at Jane. No, she wasn't like the others who though everything was perfect. She knew the truth.

"I don't want to talk about me... and that;" Jane said, "and I'm guessing you'd rather not either."

"No..." Fiona whispered, "Not really. I've talked about it enough today."  
"Trial... yeah. I talked about it all the time with a therapist. It didn't do much. It helped a little." Jane said.

"Declan's my therapist." Fiona said with a small smile.

"A real therapist might help more." Jane said, looking serious.

"I'm fine, Jane. But thank you." Fiona said.

"If you _do_ want to talk..." Jane said, "I _will _listen."

"If I want to talk, I talk to Declan." Fiona said, "He's my bestfriend."

Jane looked at Fiona, like she was trying to read her thoughts by just looking.

"You don't have any other friends?"  
"Holly J, Anya, and Logan." Fiona said.

"Oh... ok." Jane said slowly.

"What are you here for?" Fiona asked after a period of silence.

"To visit my bestie, Holly J, of course." Jane said, a smile spreading on her lips.

Fiona frowned. She was no one's bestfriend, she realized. Declan was her best friend, but Declan's best friend was Holly J, and Holly J's best friend was Jane, Jane's bestfriend was Holly J, and Anya had a lot of bestfriends. Holly J, Leia... everyone on the spirit squad.

Fiona quickly hid her frown. She stared at Jane for a few seconds before she said "I'll be right back, I have to use the washroom."

She stood up and walked into Declan's room where he was quietly reading.

"Who's your bestfriend?" she asked.  
"Holly J, why?" Declan answered.

"I don't _have _ any friends." Fiona said.

"Yes you do."  
"No best friends."  
"You're my sister though, Fiona. That's _better _then a bestfriend. Quit worrying, Fi. You're the person who I'm the closest to, you're the best."


	85. Chapter 85

That night, Jane had left, giving each of them a hug. She said that later, she'd come by and give Ellie some of Bella's old things. Holly J said she'd like that very much, and then Jane was gone. What amazed Fiona, was that Jane seemed _normal_.

When they walked back in Fiona talked to Declan. It was a long, long talk. They talked about when they were little, and before Bobby came. Fiona said she was scared, and Declan tried and failed to convince her that she had nothing to worry about.

She had managed to not shed a tear until the end. She hugged Declan and started crying. Which she thought was strange. Declan made her cave, somehow. Shouldn't he be _stopping _the crying?

Maybe seeing him trying to help her made her cry. Because she wasn't crying _because _of Declan. He _did_ make her feel better. She cried because of Bobby.

"Fi..." Declan began, hugging his sister. But that's all he said. He decided that speaking wouldn't help any, so he just sat there, holding her against him until she stopped crying.

"How long would you have went without telling me?" Declan asked, once she had quieted down.

"With out telling you what?"  
"That Bobby was abusing you." Declan responded.

Fiona hated that word. Abusing. She didn't want to sound like a dog that'd been starved and locked in a cage.

"I wasn't ever going to tell you." Fiona answered.

Declan looked surprised. "Why not?"

"I was scared you wouldn't believe me... Bobby's your friend. And even if you did believe me, then you'd know." Fiona whispered.  
"Know what?"

"That I'm a stupid, dirty, wimp."

Declan stared at her for a few seconds before taking his hand. "I love you, Fiona." he said. "I'll always believe you. Especially if you say something like that. I won't think any less of you. Even if I _didn't _believe you I'd have to make sure."

He hugged her again, which made her cry, again.

"Do you know now?" he asked her.  
"Know now?" Fiona repeated through her tears.  
"That any time you have a problem you can tell me, no matter what?"  
"Decs, I know. I know." Fiona said.

He took her hand. "Are you gonna be ok?"  
"Bobby's going to find me, Decs." Fiona whispered, for about the tenth time in the past hour.

"No he isn't. Even if he did, I wouldn't let him get near you."

Fiona felt the warmth of Declan's arms around her, and his hands resting on her back.

"You know that, though. You know it don't you?" Declan asked, his hands now on her shoulders, staring straight into her eyes. She could see tears building in his. She was already crying.

"I know, Declan." she said.

He hugged her again and started laughing. Laughing uncontrolably. Fiona didn't understand it, but when he looked at her again she could tell it was a nervous laugh. A fake one. One of the weird ones you do when everything's going wrong. When it's so bad there's nothing else to do. Kind of like when Fiona threw the party and let Bobby come and went upstairs with him. Or like the time she was at his house.

_"Are you going to listen to me from now on?" Bobby asked, punching her._

_"Yes I am!" Fiona said, tears springing to her eyes._

_"Good, now get up." Bobby said, not giving her time to stand, but instead yanking her by her arm._

_She yelped in pain and he yelled and yelled at her, everyonce in awhile shaking her by the shoulders, or tightening his grip on her wrist._

_She started laughing. He continued screaming, then he said "What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_Fiona continued laughing. Inside she was scared, nervous... but all she could do was laugh._

_He slammed her against the wall, shaking her again. "What the hell are you laughing for?" he asked._

_The pain shooting through her back made her snicker again. A smile was placed on her lips, and she couldn't sweep it off._

_"You fucking bitch." Bobby said, pushing her to the ground and kicking her. He left his house then. With his car, so Fiona had to walk home. On the way home she wasn't laughing anymore. She was crying. She figured the only reason she laughed, was maybe trying to make Bobby think it didn't hurt her, or that she didn't care. Now she was crying._

_"Do you need help?" an boy, about her age asked touching her shoulder._

_She froze. "N-no." she whispered.  
"Not even a ride? Directions? You look lost."  
"I __**said **__that I'm fine." Fiona said, another nervous smile on her lips. She wondered if she looked strange, crying, and smiling at the same time._

_"Are you sure?" the boy asked, taking her hand._

_"Don't fucking __**touch**__ me!" Fiona yelled, the grin flashing off of her face. "Can't you see there's a goddamn bruise there?" she asked, her voice was dying. "That hurt." she said in a whisper._

_"Did someone hurt you?" the boy asked._

_What mindless boy, Fiona thought. Could he see? Was he blind?_

_"No. I'm fine." Fiona said, walking away. _

_Declan asked the same thing when she got home._

_"What happened to you?"_

_"I fell down." she said, "By accident."  
"It looks like someone grabbed you." he said in almost a whisper, reaching out for her arm._

_"Yeah... it kind of does?" she said, glancing down at the obvious handprint on her wrist. "Weird."_

_She walked up to the bathroom and caked herself in makeup._

_When she opened the door, Declan was standing outside of it. "You ok?"  
"Yes, Decs." she said._

_"You'll tell me if anything's wrong though... right?"  
Fiona smiled, "Of course." She turned away from him, her smile disapearing as soon as she did. "I'm tired, I'm going to-" She stepped down and pain shot through her leg where Bobby had hit her. She leaned against the wall for support. She thought she'd been doing good hiding her limping. Now it didn't matter._

_Declan rushed to her side._

_"Are you alright, let me help." he said, letting his sister lean against him.  
"Leg cramp, Decs." Fiona muttered, wanting to immediantally check her leg to see if it was broken or something. "I'll be fine. I'm going to take a nap." she quickly broke away from him and limped to her room._

"You're ok." Declan assured her. She wondered what he'd said when she was having that flashback. She had zoned out.


	86. Chapter 86

It was strange how she fell asleep now. Quickly, she never even remembers when she falls asleep. More the most part, she remembers feeling slightly tired. She always wakes up in the bed. No matter where she falls asleep at. Declan's nice enough to carry her up. She's glad that he can do that. Usually she'll wake up in Declan's arms, or beside him. Or he'll be standing over her because he heard her crying.

She's glad he does that too. Or else she'd wake up and still be afraid. She wouldn't have anyone to hug her and help her feel safer, better.

This time he was asleep beside her, his hand gripping her's. She had cold sweat all over her. That dream was terrifying. Completely terrifying; the worst part was, that it wasn't just a dream, it had really happened. Exactly that.

Fiona squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath, trying to make the dream vanish.

She glanced over at Declan, he was fast asleep. He'd probably been asleep for awhile. It was 1:21 am.

The image wouldn't get out of her head. Bobby looking at her, his angry fists; and because she couldn't push away the image, she started crying.

She was crying so hard she was shaking. She continued crying for about 30 minutes. Alone. No. Not really alone. Declan was there. But he was asleep. She cuddled close to him, and he hugged her, automatically, even though he was in a deep sleep. After awhile, she had cried herself to sleep again, but only to wake up roughly fifteen minutes later, crying again. Declan was still asleep.

It was like that all night, wake up, sleep for a few minutes, wake up, repeat. Once she woke up at the same time as Declan... or she woke up Declan. She couldn't remember.

"Fi..." he'd mumbled, giving her hand a little squeeze. He yawned, "You're fine, Fi; come here." he hugged her and hummed the song from the old music box.

She took in a deep breath, she was shivering. "Fiona..." Declan began, "look at me."

Fiona glanced at her brother before glancing back down and heaving another loud cry.

"Fi, please..." Declan said, staring at her and slightly sitting up in the bed and placing his hand on Fiona's cheek, turning her head in his direction.

When she was looking at him he lowered his hand to her shoulder.

"You don't have to be scared anymore, Fi." he told her. "You're here, Bobby's not. You're fine."

She seemed to have not even heard him, and she continued crying.

"Fiona Coyne. Let me talk to you." he demanded.

She stared up at him for a few seconds, trying to blink back tears. Declan wiped away some of them.

"How long have you been awake?" Declan asked.

"Al-Almost all night." Fiona managed to answer. "I keep having dr-dreams about it, everytime I g-go to sleep."

He wrapped his sister in a bigger hug. God he loved her; he wished with everything in him that he could help her right now.

"Fi, try to get some sleep, ok? I'm here, I'll stay awake, so if anything happens I'll be here. Just think about me being here, you being here, and Bobby being in jail. You're alright."

"I'm scared to go to sleep. I don't want to see him again."  
"Think about something besides him, and if you have a nightmare, I'll wake you up."

"Decs..." Fiona began.

"Yeah, Fi?"

"I'm scared."  
"Don't be, you're ok. I promise."

She gave him a small smile, wiping away her own tears. Her smile faded just as fast as it appeared. She hugged her brother as tight as she could.

She was so scared she was shaking. Declan was trying his hardest to make his sister feel better.

"I had a dream and you were in it." Declan said.

Fiona looked up at him. "Really?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"It was strange, really. It scared the hell out of me." Declan began. "There were zombies and..."

Fiona rolled her eyes. "That sounds great, Decs." she said, a small smile placed on her lips.

"Logan says congratulations... I forgot to tell you, but he called when you were in the shower. He has to watch Chrissy, his cousin for a while though... but he'll come back in a few weeks."  
Fiona processed this in her mind.

"What would have happened if..." she swallowed, "if I would have gotten pregnant?"

"Are you?" Declan asked, taking his sister's hand.

"No..." Fiona said, half laughing, "No, believe me, If I was I would have told you; But... I mean, what would I tell her... or him when she started asking about her daddy?"

"Well, you don't have to worry about that." Declan said, brushing the hair out of her face.

"No, I don't." Fiona answered.

"Stop worrying, Fi. Stop being scared, stop thinking about Bobby, and try to go to sleep."

"I've been trying to."  
"Well just... I'm here... ok, Fi, I'll be here the whole time."

Fiona closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. Knowing that Declan was there made her feel better... She held onto his hand and after a few minutes she drifted to sleep.

Declan sat there, thinking about his sister. About everything that had been happening recently. Stupid Bobby. He wanted to wring that man's neck. Bad. He _hurt _Fiona. Purposely. It seemed like he randomly decided _Let's beat the hell out of this girl. _

Declan had never thought of Fiona as anything except for his sister. Now he thought of her like his sister, still. But she was more fragile now. She was more frightened more easily. She was always scared. But over all, she was still his sister. She was also a reminder of what a terrible person he was. His one and only job was to keep her safe. He majorly failed. Because of him, Fiona was always hurting, physically, and emotionally. Everytime she winced in pain, or limped it made Declan feel worse and worse. How had he let someone beat up his sister? For months and months. He didn't notice how much she was hurting. She was giving out major cries for help, and he completely ignored her.

_You didn't mean to ignore her. It wasn't on purpose. _He told himself. It didn't help, because Fiona was hurting because of _him._


	87. Chapter 87

"You can't help someone if they don't want to be helped. She didn't even tell you what was going on." Holly J explained to Declan.

"Who's side are you on then? Do you think it's Fi's fault?" he sounded angry.

"Sides?" Holly J asked, "I didn't know we were all on our own side. I thought there was a me, you, Fiona side and a Bobby side."

Declan sighed, "Who do you think is responsible for what happened to Fiona?"

"Bobby. Don't you? You've been telling Fiona it was Bobby's fault."

Declan looked down at his sister, who was asleep beside him, then back up at Holly J who was spinning back and forth on the computer chair.

"I could have helped." he said.

"It's all of our faults, Declan. I should have paid more attention, you should have, Bobby's the one who did it, so it's deffiantally his fault, and Fiona could have told us. We all made mistakes, but over all, it's Bobby's fault."

Declan thought about this for a few seconds. Holly J stopped her chair and looked at Fiona. "Is she alright?" she asked quietly.

Declan's eyes roamed over to his sister, who's breathing was deep. "Nightmare." he said, glancing at Holly J. He put his hand on her shoulder, "Fiona... Fi, wake up. You're alright."

She jolted awake, grabbing onto Declan's arm, taking a sharp intake of breath. Declan stared down at his arm that she was clawing, and then back at her. He gave her a hug. "You're ok, Fi." he said.

Holly J continued spinning on her chair. "We should do something fun." she said.

Declan ignored her, because Fiona was crying.

"Ellie's not here, so we should have a night out." Holly J said, half repeating herself.

Declan glanced at her, "One sec, J." he said.

She rolled her eyes and got off the chair.

"Maybe me and Fi can have a girls' night out?" she asked, turning to Declan and saying "You can hang out with some of the guys."

Declan's eyes shifted from Fiona to Holly J. "That would be fun... if Fi wants to too."

Fiona wiped away some of her tears. She didn't really _want _to go anywhere. She'd rather stay at home and take a shower... because Bobby's scent wouldn't leave. The feeling of his rough, grimey hands wouldn't go away. The wetness of his sweaty skin against her's was perminant. She'd rather just sit with Declan, talking. Or talk to Holly J... but Fiona had a feeling their girls' night would be more like a shopping and manicures. She wanted Holly J to think that she was moving on. She tried to make everyone think that. Except for Declan. He knew everything. He knew every single tiny detail of every single tiny thing. Fiona wasn't afraid to hide anything from him, not anymore.  
"Sure." Fiona said quietly. Maybe... just maybe it would make her feel better. She'd be horrifyed the whole time, she might start crying... but she'd try. Everyone in the nation probably knew how stupid and crazy she was by now, so it probably wouldn't matter..

She held onto her brother's hand tighter.

"If you don't want to go, it's ok." Holly J said, but there was a flash of disapointment in her eyes.  
"No... I'm ok." she said, giving Holly J a fake smile.

"Maybe we shouldn't today." Holly J said... "I kind of wanted to stay home today and just relax."

Fiona could tell that Holly J only said this because she knew Fiona didn't want to go.

"Oh... ok." Fiona said, as if she was disapointed.

"I'm going to take a bath." Holly J said, leaving the room.

Once she was gone Declan turned to his sister. "If you don't want to go with her, don't do it, Fi." he said. He used to try to get Fiona involved in things. Always trying to persuade her to go with people. He didn't do that anymore. Thinking about Bobby's wild, angry hands beating her... she shouldn't ever have to do anything she didn't want to anymore. Ever. She'd done enough things... pleased enough people. She should be able to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted; and she should never _ever_ be scared.

He wondered if Bobby even knew what he had done. Did he know that it hurt Fiona to walk, _still_? Did he know she was _always_ scared that he'd come back and hurt her again? Did he know that she couldn't sleep?

"I don't do things I don't want to do." Fiona said quickly. "I don't let people tell me what to do." She said it quietly... and Declan knew that she was thinking about Bobby. He smiled at her.

"I know." he said, giving her hand a little shake. "You've always been independent."

Fiona stared at him for a few minutes, she had never, _ever _been the least bit independent. When Bobby would yell at her she would immediantally say "I'm so sorry." when he started grabbing her wrists when he was angry, he'd say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." and she'd always forgive him... actually, she was too scared to do anything else.

_"You said it wouldn't happen again." Fiona said, leaning against the wall, her hand cupped over her eye. She was crying._

_"I'm sorry, baby. I got carried away... I'm sorry."  
"You don't __**punch **__people when you get 'carried away'!" Fiona yelled. Within a few seconds his hands were tightly grasping her upper arms again. _

_"That __**hurts**__, Bobby! Stop! I don't like it!"_

_"I'm so sorry." he said, his lips pushing against her's. She pulled away, looking him straight in the eye._

_"If you're going to keep acting like this, then I don't want to date you." she said, then she added, "I'm being serious."_

_He slammed her into the wall, "I'm being serious too." he growled, "I can't help what I do. I'm not normal, stop making fun of me."_

_"I'm __**not **__making fun of you, Bobby;" Fiona said quietly through the pain, "You can't just beat me up, ok? Please... or else I really will break up with you, ok?"_

_"You're not going to break up with me Fiona!" Bobby replied, shaking her._

_Her phone rang, Bobby let go of her arms, which made her stumble and almost fall to the ground.  
"Who is it?" he asked her. She dusted herself off, she was crying, and she sunk to the ground._

_"Who is it?" Bobby repeated, shoving her against the wall and punching her._

_"I-it's my brother!' Fiona spit out through her tears. She could tell it was Declan by the ringtone._

_"Go answer it." Bobby said, letting go of her shoulders, she took a few steps forward before he yanked her back by the wrist, "Don't tell him about what happened tonight, you'd better act normal." He let go of her wrist._

_She stared at him for a few seconds before quietly nodding and limping over to the table where her phone was._

_"Hello?" she asked, hoping she didn't sound upset, hoping he couldn't tell that she was crying._

_"Hey... Fi." Declan said._

_"Hi."  
"Hello." Declan laughed on the other end of the phone, it made Fiona smile a little._

_"Where are you?" he asked._

_"At B-bobby's house." Fiona said, not being able to help saying Bobby's name in a whimper._

_Declan didn't seem to notice._

_"Oh... need a ride home... I mean like, want me to pick you up?" Declan said, "Or are you staying for longer."  
Fiona glanced at Bobby, "Actually I was about..." she glanced at Bobby again, then whispered, "I was about to leave... it'd be nice if you came and picked me up."_

_She looked over at Bobby who had obviously heard and now looked angry, he mouthed the words 'Tell him you need to go.'_

_"Ok... like right now? I ca-" Declan began but Fiona interuptted him._

_"Yes now, Decs. See you in a bit I have to go. Love you, bye." She spoke quickly._

_"Alright..." Declan said, obviously confused, "love you too... I'll be there in a bit, bye."_

_The line went dead and Fiona was there with Bobby again who ran over to her pushing her to the ground. "You don't play with people, Fiona. Don't pretend you love me, I heard you."_

_Fiona struggled not to cry and prayed in her head that Declan would come __**fast**__. "I'm sorry, I just feel s-sick." she said._

_He didn't listen. He kicked her, and picked up a picture frame, throwing it at her. It hit her in the arm and the glass shattered._

_"Bobby __**stop**__!" Fiona yelled, "Please!" _

_His fist met her face over and over. Everyonce in awhile he'd grab something like the TV remote or a lamp and hit her with it. She stopped crying for help... because she knew no one was going to come. Instead she sat there, sheilding herself... or trying to. Then the doorbell rang. Bobby stopped and Fiona cautiously got up off the ground, looking down at her arms that were bruised... one that was bleeding because of the picture frame. "Clean yourself up, __**now**__." Bobby said. "Go to the bathroom."_

_Fiona did as she was told, she didn't know what would happen if she didn't. She didn't even want to know._

_She walked to the bathroom with her makeup bag... when she got there she stared at herself in the mirror. She looked awful. There was blood running down her arm... bruises all over. She rinsed the blood in the sink, using toilet paper to try and stop the bleeding. There were five cuts. She gave up, and put bandaids on them. They hurt. Then she worked with her makeup... which didn't work very well, she pulled her jacket over her, and decided she'd put the makeup on her arms later... and for now, concentrate on her face._

_She faintly heard Declan talking to Bobby._

_"She's in the bathroom. Her makeup got smudged, she insisted on fixing it." Bobby said._

_"Fi's a makeup queen."  
"I think she's just beautiful with out makeup." Bobby remarked.  
"She is."_

_They were silent for another few minutes before Declan said, "What where you guys doing?" he sounded very curious._

_"Talking, watching TV. She told me a story about when you guys where in London."_

_"What one?" Declan asked._

_Bobby was silent for a few seconds, "The one about you guys..." Bobby stopped.  
"Hmm..." Declan said._

_Fiona opened the door, forcing herslef to smile, "Hi, Decs." she said._

_"Hey, Fi."_

_It was everything she could do not to duck behind him to get away from Bobby's stare. Not to run into his arms and say "Never let me come back. Help me please. He's hurting me, I need help. I don't know what to do.'_

_Instead she walked over, just holding his hand. She couldn't help but squeezing it tight and standing as close to him as possible._

_"I'm ready to go." she said, maybe a bit to eagerly._

_"Alright..." Declan began, "Aren't you going to say bye to Bobby?"  
Fiona looked at him, almost a death glare, but he didn't know what Bobby did, so he wasn't to blame._

_Bobby held out his arms for a hug and Fiona walked over, silently returning it._

_"Oh, Fiona, I forgot, I wanted to give you something." Bobby said quickly, "Follow me."_

_Fiona glanced at Declan, trying to keep the worried expression off her face. She quietly followed Bobby into the kitchen. When the door was closed her grabbed her wrist, "Don't let him know anything Fiona. You know I'm working on getting my anger issues solved, someday it'll be perfect. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. But you can't tell, if you ever tell I might accidentally hurt you. You need to be careful around me, you make me mad sometimes, ok?"_

_He started kissing her again, giving her hickeys. She didn't do anything, if he hit her, this time, it would be her fault. He was right, she had to be careful around him. It wasn't his fault he had anger issues... right?_

_"Bobby... I have to go." Fiona whispered. _

_"Alright." Bobby said, letting go of her wrist and leaving a red mark. He handed her a picture frame with a picture of them inside. And she quickly hurried out the kitchen door and to Declan, they left._

_"What's that?" Declan asked as they drove._

_"Oh... a picture.. of me and Bobby."  
"That's sweet. Bobby seems nice." Declan said._

_"Seems..." Fiona echoed in whisper._

_"You alright?"  
"Yeah... I'm ok." Fiona said, "We kinda got in a fight today... that's all."_

_"What was it about?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." Fiona said. _

_They were silent for a few minutes before Fiona smiled, "But I'm fine... we're fine... I mean."  
"Good." Declan said, turning into their driveway. "I'd be mad if he hurt you."  
"Hurt me?" Fiona echoed, her voice surprised._

_Declan got out of the car and walked around to open her door._

_"Yeah, if he breaks your heart, he'll be sorry." Declan said._

_"Oh..." Fiona said with realization. "Thanks."  
Declan smiled at her and put his arm around her._

_"Ow..." Fiona whispered._

_"What?" Declan asked._

_"I... had a foot cramp." Fiona quickly said._

_"Oh. That's why you're limping."  
"Yeah." Fiona said, pleased that her story was working._

_"Well, those never hurt for long."  
Fiona leaned against her brother. "Thanks for coming and getting me so quickly."  
"You're welcome, Fi."  
_


	88. Chapter 88

They picked to watch 'Stilts' at the movie theater for their night out. Well, Holly J picked it, Declan wanted to stay home, so he didn't care, and Fiona didn't care at all, even though she went with Holly J.

It was funny... it was supposed to be extremely funny, and it was. It had Holly J laughing, and sometimes, Fiona would give off a small smile. Holly J didn't know there would be a rape scene when she picked out the movie.

They were watching it and then the girl got robbed. The robber also happened to be a rapist. Holly J almost forgot Fiona was there until she said in the tiniest voice:  
"Holly J, I want to go home. Please take me home."

Holly J wanted to finish the movie... she was interested in it... but Fiona looked so sad, and scared.

"This part will be over soon." Holly J said, trying to convince Fiona.

"I want Declan." Fiona whispered. Holly J could see tears running down her cheeks.

Holly J took her friend's hand, sighing, "Ok... we can go." she said, standing up. Fiona started walking out of the theater right away. "Wait on me, Fiona." Holly J said, she wanted to stay and watch the movie so badly.

She walked out putting an arm around her friend, "Are you ok now?" she asked.

"Why would they put that in a movie?" Fiona asked.

"We weren't watching The Brady Bunch." Holly J said.

"But why, out of all the things, would they put _that _in there?" her voice was tiny and scared.

"Just don't think about it, Fi." Holly J said.

"I want Declan." Fiona repeated.

"That's why we're leaving." Holly J said, searching through her bag for the car keys, then she realized that Declan was picking them up after the movie. Oh great. She was slightly angry that Fiona couldn't endore a two minute rape scene. She could have closed her eyes, or even left to go to the bathroom or something.

"I'm sorry, Holly J, I just can't, ok? I can't." Fiona said, starting to cry really hard. She could tell that Holly J was angry. She was crying and shaking, and people in the parking lot were staring.

Holly J rushed to her friend's side. "That's ok, that's alright..." she said quickly, "Shh... I can't expect you to want to watch something like that after what happened, it's ok. I'm not mad." She hugged her friend. "It wouldn't be fair if I was mad at you because of that. Hush... it's ok. I'm not mad."

Fiona couldn't stop crying and people were giving her strange looks.

"Come on... let's get you home..." Holly J said, but Fiona had sunk against the wall of the theater and wouldn't budge. "Fiona... come on." Holly J said, holding her hand trying to get her to go.

"Fiona... now." Holly J said with edginess in her voice. All these people where staring at her.

But Fiona just sat there, shaking and crying.

"I'm going to take you to Declan, come on." Holly J said, attempting to get Fiona walking again.

She woudn't go, so Holly J sat beside her up against the wall. "Whenever you're ready, Fiona." she said, trying not to make her voice sound angry. The phone rang, making Fiona jump.

"It's Declan." Holly J said, handing the phone to Fiona, "You want to answer it?"

Fiona shook her head.

"Dec-lan, your brother." Holly J repeated, shoving the phone toward Fiona. She refused so Holly J answered it, wondering why Fiona didn't want to talk to her brother.

"Hey, how's your movie?" Declan asked when Holly J answered.

"There was a rape scene, if that explains anything." Holly J said, rolling her eyes as if Declan would be able to see.

"Oh... where are you now?"  
"Outside the theater, by the door. Fiona's bawling. She won't get up."

"I'll come and get her." Declan said, "Wait there."

"Ok, thanks."  
"Bye, J."  
"Bye, love you."  
"Love you too."

Fiona's crying was a bit quieter... but she was still shaking.

"Declan's coming to get us." Holly J said.

They sat in silence until Declan came. He got out of the car and walked over to Fiona.

"Need some help, Fi?" he asked quietly, putting his hand out to help Fiona up. Fiona reached up and took his hand, but she didn't make any effort to get up.

"Come on, Fi." Declan said. "We can go home."

He ended up reaching down and picking her up. Once she was on her feet again he gave her a big hug.

"You're ok. It was just a movie."

He hugged her tight and then looked down at her. "Alright?" he asked.

She meekly nodded.

"Ok... Fi. If you want we can talk when we get home, ok?"

Fiona mumbled an "Ok."

Declan wiped her tears away with his thumb and helped her into the car.

He asked Holly J to drive so he could sit in the back with Fiona.

Holly J tried not to be annoyed. She tried _hard._ But she was tired of him not paying attention to her, and only paying attention to his sister. She knew that Fiona needed a lot of attention now, but if she was asleep, Declan didn't have to sit in the bed with her, she'd never know he wasn't there.

When they got home, they didn't even acknowledge that Holly J was there. Declan went upstairs with Fiona right away.

Holly J pretended like she didn't care. But she stood outside Declan's bedroom door, listening to them talk. She couldn't hear much. It was all muffled.

"... that?" Declan asked.

"I just don't, know, Decs." Fiona answered. "It ... me of it, I got scared."

"... Fi."

"..."

Holly J couldn't understand all of what they were saying. They were speaking too softly.

The last words she heard came from Declan's mouth, which were 'Try to sleep'

After about 25 minutes Declan walked out, Holly J, leaning against the door, quickly ran to the bathroom and pretended like she had just got out.

"Hi, Declan, what're you doing?" she asked.

"Getting water, then I'm going back to Fi."

"Why won't you ever leave her alone?" Holly J asked, "She doesn't need you to always be with her."  
Declan's eyes burned into Holly J's, leaving her a bit worried, hoping he wasn't angry at her.

"Because, she's scared, J. Haven't you noticed? She's really, really scared."

"I know, but you don't need to be with her when she's asleep! She won't even know!" Holly J's voice was rising, though she didn't mean for it to.

"Something could happen! Someone could come in and hurt her! What if Bobby can get out of jail?" Declan said, his voice rising as well.

"Oh my god, you're such a liar!" Holly J said, "You keep _lying _through your _teeth _to Fiona, about how you _know_ that everything's ok, when you don't even think it is! And you keep _lying_ to me!"

"When have I _ever _lied to you?"

"Oh, I don't know, 'We'll spend more time with eachother after court,' or maybe 'When Logan's here I'll help with Ellie more'. All you ever do is sit with Fiona, follow her around, even _when _ Logan's here!"

"I don't know Logan that well, he could hurt her, and I don't want to be the reason she gets hurt again!"

"Not everyone is a rapist, Declan. And not everyone beats up their girlfriend!"

"But _some _people do! Bobby did!"  
"Logan won't!"  
"You don't even _know _Logan!" Declan insisted.

"Neither do you, and you can't just assume he's violent!"

"You can't assume he's _not _ either! I have to protect her! She's my sister! I already screwed up once, and I'm not letting it happen again!"

"What are you gonna do now?" Holly J asked, "Make her start wearing a collar and a leash? Get her a chasity belt?"

"Shut your smart ass up!" Declan yelled.  
"Yeah... I think I will." Holly J said after a few seconds, trying to keep from crying. This was _not _the way her plan of 'spending more time with Declan' was supposed to work. "I'm going over to Anya's." she went to her... or 'their' room looking at Fiona, asleep on 'their' bed. She tried to keep her anger directed at Declan, not Fiona, because it wasn't Fiona's fault Declan was so overly protective, so _stupid._ She gathered some of her things and walked out the door.

"Holly J, wait..." Declan said.

"Don't worry, I'll come back." Holly J said, "I know you're worried that I might form a lesbian relationship with Anya, and that she'll retort to beating me up..." Her voice was entirely sarcastic.

"Holly J..."

"Bye, Declan. For now anyway." Holly J said, slightly turning around. "It's just a little break." her voice almost cracked and she decided it would be best for her to go, _right now._ Or else she'd start crying.  
"Bye, Holly J... see you." Declan whispered.

Holly J kept walking.  
Declan went inside. Fiona should learn to care more for herself. She didn't _need _him to be with her always. Holly J was right, and he was being stupid. But he still walked back up the stairs and into his room, sitting by Fiona. It wasn't her fault. It was Bobby's. Bobby had caused all of the problems they've had for the past year or so. And if he thought he had it bad, then he couldn't imagine how Fiona was feeling.

Holly J rang the doorbell and Mr. MacPherson answered.

"Hello, is Anya home?"  
"Yes, in her room."  
"Thank you Mr. MacPherson." Holly J said with a small smile.

She went into Anya's room. She was listening to music on her ipod.

"Hey, Holly J!" she said, not glancing up. Holly J didn't reply.

"What's wrong?"  
"Me and Declan got in a fight." Holly J said, her voice cracking.

Anya switched her ipod off. "Oh... I'm sorry." she whispered.

Holly J sat down on the bed, "And it was over me being jelous of his stupid sister!"

Anya almost said, 'Fiona isn't stupid' but she realized that Holly J was angry at herself, not Fiona.

"He is always with her though, never with me. All he does is sit there and hug her and never leave."

"Well... he's just trying to help her... I know what happened... you know what happened. It's got to be hard."

"I know but he's my boyfriend! I'm not just there to take care of Ellie!"

"You're planning to stay here for awhile, aren't you?" Anya asked.

"Yeah." Holly J answered.

"Well, tomorrow, we have to go and get radiation treatment for my mom..."

Holly J had forgotten about Anya's mother's cancer.

"Oh..." Holly J said, taking her friend's hand, "I'll come too."


	89. Chapter 89

"Where's Holly J?" Fiona asked tiredly when she woke up.

"Holly J?"  
"Yes, I want to tell her I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

For a split second Declan thought Fiona meant to say sorry for the fight, but she continued and he soon realized he was wrong.

"Yeah... for making her leave the movie early."

"Oh... Fi, she's at Anya's house."  
"When's she coming back?" Fiona asked.

Declan paused for a moment. "I don't know." he said finally.

Fiona looked confused.  
"We got in a fight." Declan explained.  
"About me?' Fiona asked.

"No... not about you. It was about me."

"So... she left?"

"Yeah."

"But then she's going to come back... right?"  
"Of course."

Fiona sunk back in the bed taking a deep breath.

"Decs?" she asked.

"Yeah?"  
"What kind of fight?"

"What do you mean?"  
Fiona's words faltered for a second before she spoke.

"Was it the yelling kind of fight or the..." she stopped, "The smacking kind of fight?"

Declan stared at her for a few seconds, trying to process her words in his mind. "The _smacking_ kind of fight?" he asked. "You think I'd _hit_ Holly J?" His voice was full of disbelief.

Fiona turned her face away from him.

"I'd _never _hit Holly J." he said. Didn't his sister _know_ that he wouldn't beat up his girlfriend?

"I didn't mean hit... or punch... I meant like slap... or pinch maybe."

Did Fiona think that as long as you didn't _punch _someone it was ok?

"I..." Declan tried to find words, "Do you think that I beat Holly J up?" Declan asked. Sometimes he'd playfully smack her, lightly of course, as a joke. She'd do the same... but did Fiona think that he was hurting her, and even more importantly... did _Holly J_ think he was hurting her?

"No..." Fiona said.

"You know that pinching and slapping isn't ok either... right?" Declan asked, "Has Logan been slapping you?"  
"No." Fiona said, "He hasn't..."  
"Why would you think that I would slap Holly J?"

"I don't know... isn't that what..." Fiona stopped. She felt stupid. She knew it wasn't right to beat up your girlfriends... but everyone got carried away in fights... right? Bobby always had, even on the first date, he had pushed her up against the wall, saying "I _told _you not to _touch _that!" when she picked up a picture frame to see it better. He was the only boyfriend she'd ever had... so maybe... maybe not everyone was like that.

"Bobby was my only boyfriend." Fiona said.

"You think that guys are aloud to hurt their girlfriends at _all_?"

Fiona felt _really _confused, and stupid. "I don't know!" she said quickly.

"No, Fiona, _no_!" Declan said, amazed that his sister didn't know that that was _wrong_.

"All I know is what Bobby did, Decs. That's it!" Fiona insisted.

"Oh my god." Declan said, pulling his sister close to him."It's _never _ok for a guy to touch a girl..." he began, then added "In a violent way."

He couldn't believe Fiona thought he would hit Holly J. Ever.

"The answer is no... Fiona." he said, "It was the yelling kind. Not the..." he stopped to remember what Fiona had called it, "Not the 'smacking kind'."

Fiona glanced up at him before turning away again. "Good." she whispered.

So Fiona was worried that he was beating up Holly J? How could she have been so clueless. He figured, that if the only thing you ever knew was kicking and punching and forcing... that a pinch or a smack might not seem like very much... but still... this whole time his sister thought that it was ok for a man to smack his girlfriend?

"Oh Fi..." Declan said, pulling his sister into a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too, Decs." Fiona said, she let out a small laugh, "But I feel stupid."

"That's ok. You didn't know..." The doorbell cut Declan off.

He got up and Fiona followed.

"Declan and... Fiona Coyne?" a man asked when they answered the door.

"Yes?"

"I have some exams from..." he squinted looking at the package, "Vanderbuilt Prep."  
"Oh... thanks." Declan said, taking the boxes from the man.

The man reached to close the door and Fiona ducked thinking he might hit her. He gave her a strange look before closing the door.

"Our exams. How nice. We get to see our grades." Declan said in a sarcastic voice.

"Mine aren't going to be good." Fiona said.

"Sure they will."  
"No... I was drunk half the time."  
"Drunk?"

"I was stressed between Bobby... and exams."

Fiona opened her box and took out a paper.

"Explain the trojan war:" Fiona read aloud, she looked at her answer, written in sloppy half cursive on the lines, "The trojan war was not very good, in fact, it was bad."

Declan looked up from his paper, "You wrote that?"  
"Yeah..." Fiona said.

"What started the trojan war?" Fiona continued reading the answers and questions, "A poorly made trojan."

"Where you talking about the condems?" Declan asked, almost smirking. Sure... it wasn't good that she didn't get good grades, but these answeres were amusing.

"I don't remember." Fiona said.

"You did good enough to pass though... right?" Declan asked.

"Yes." Fiona said, "From the days when I wasn't wasted... and only half thinking about Bobby."

"Well... if you passed then you might as well ignore the bad ones and not think about it... it's nothing."  
"Colleges don't like to see a barely passing score." Fiona said.

"But there's tons of colleges, Fi. You'll do fine."  
"I can't do fine, Decs. I've tried to do 'fine' my whole life and every single time I've ended up with something bad!" Fiona said, tears creeping into her eyes.

"Things will change. You've been doing good." Declan said.

"Yeah, because getting a 71% on final exams, and Bobby were very good things." she said, tears running down her cheeks.

"That's not what I meant, and you _know _it, Fi."

He took her hand, "I meant you're starting to feel better... Fi."  
"You don't even know what I 'feel' like." Fiona said coldly and avoiding his eyes.

"You haven't been having as many nightmares... and been being so scared."  
"Maybe you've just learned to sleep through my nightmares, Decs. Maybe I don't even tell you everything."  
Declan stared at her. "Do you want to tell me anything?" he asked quietly.

"I just want to get away from this!" Fiona said, pulling her legs up close to her and crying. "I always feel him on me, and I can always see him and I feel so discusting-" her words turned into a cry.

Declan hugged her. "You'll start to feel better. It might not feel like that now, but it's true. You know it is. Remember when grandmother died? We thought that we'd always feel bad... but we barely think about it now, do we? This is just like that."

"No it isn't, Decs. He took my virginity. He stole _everything_. I'll never be the same. It will never ever be like it used to. Everything is changed now, _everything._"

Declan didn't know what to say. He hugged her and said "It'll be ok... you'll see."

Her words almost had him convinced that it _would _never be the same.


	90. Chapter 90

After Mrs. MacPherson had her chemotherapy, she looked tired. Holly J liked Mrs. MacPherson. She knew her well, ever since Anya and Holly J became friends in second grade. Mrs. MacPherson was almost like a second mother.

That's why Holly J hated seeing her so tired looking. She looked like Fiona would every time she woke up from a nightmare, or everytime she got back from talking with her lawyer. Holly J realized that she could connect almost everything with Fiona.

On the drive home Holly J felt like she should thank them for letting her stay, especially with the conditions.

"Is anyone hungry? Or... anything?" she asked, "I can get dinner... I can pay."

"Oh sweetie..." Mrs. MacPherson said from the front seat, "You needen't do that. It's great just having you here."

"I'd love to help out though. I mean... me staying here with all this... stuff going on, you know."

"No, you have to worry enough, with Ellie... and helping poor Fiona out."

Holly J wondered how she even knew about Fiona... maybe Anya told her. Anya was open with her parents about a lot of things, unlike Holly J.

"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, honey."

"Alright, if there's anything I can do, tell me." Holly J said.

"Of course, hun. It was sweet of you to offer."

Holly J sat awkwardly in the back seat, for the rest of the trip.

Fiona had cried herself asleep huddled against Declan. He looked at the rest of her papers... some of the questions were blank, and some had weird answers that made no sense.

What was she thinking, getting drunk at _school_?

But she had been scared, confused... Bobby had used her like an object. But she was a person. He couldn't expect her to be perfect, or anything near it at that time. She had done what she thought would help -she was wrong, but she tried.

Everyonce in awhile Fiona gave off a tiny whimper in her sleep. She was shaking still, but Declan was afraid that if he woke her up, she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. She needed to sleep sometime, and he had a feeling she wasn't sleeping nearly enough.

And she wasn't eating enough either, Declan decided. He ran his hand over her ribs, decideing that he could feel them very much too easily.

All he could think about was how scared his sister was... how he had said "Yeah, I invited Bobby over... and I'm eating with Holly J, you have the house to yourself.". He didn't know that while he was over at some resteraunt preaching to Holly J about how perfect everything was, that his sister was getting thrown into walls and punched. And everytime, when he got home he never realized that Fiona was always in the bathroom. He had to have known that it couldn't be a coincidence that right when he got home everytime Fiona decided to go and fix her makeup. And when she got out she usually ran right to him, taking his hand and squeezing it, staring across the room at Bobby like he was a bomb about to explode.

And what amazed Declan the most was that Bobby was like an actor. Could be the perfect person on screen, but once the filming is over, he could be a monster.

And he didn't ever expect that leaving her alone with him would be like dropping her off at a prison.

He had known something was wrong. It was just that his sister getting beaten and raped wasn't what he wanted, and he made himself refuse to even think about that possibility. He shouldn't have asked her 'What's wrong?' and then left. He should have listened and demanded to know more, even if she didn't want him to.

And all the blame was pointed back towards him. Again. But if it was his fault, it was his fault. He couldn't go back in time.

But there was something that Holly J told him that he considered. A few weeks ago, when Fiona was asleep, she said "We all think it's our fault. I'm her best friend, I should have helped, you're her brother, you too. Fiona? Sure, she thinks it's her fault too because she didn't tell anyone."

Holly J was always good at advice. She always had a way of thinking that everything was fine, and it was all great. Even when it most certainly wasn't.

He hoped that she wasn't very angry at him. He was just stressed because of Fiona... no, not Fiona. Because of what happened to Fiona. Because of Bobby.

Nothing was Fiona's fault. Even if everyone in the world said it was Declan still wouldn't believe them. What could she have possibly done that would make her deserve to be smashed against walls, puched, kicked, yanked around... _raped_...? She didn't do anything wrong. She might have made some mistakes... but she was scared. No one thinks right when they're scared.

He had his hand resting on her shoulder when she rolled over and pushed it off of her. She stood up quickly, breathing deeply. For awhile it seemed as if she didn't know where she was, or what she was doing.

Declan got up and walked over to her, taking her hand, "Are you ok, Fi?" he asked.

She pulled away from his hand, "I... yeah, I'm fine, Decs." she whispered.

She sat back down on the couch, shaking.

"Are you sure?" he asked her.

"Yes."

He sat beside her, putting his hand over her's.

She jumped up. "I-I'm going to take a... a shower." she said quickly walking upstairs.  
"Ok... Fi. See you." he said quietly.

He knew she must'ave had a dream that Bobby was touching her again. Now she wanted to go try and get him off. She was hallucinating... she had to have been. Nothing could be washed that many times and stay dirty, so she just _thought _she was dirty.

Someday she'd stop though. Of course. Someday she'd be better.

Anya snored. Holly J couldn't sleep. She was hungry, because at Anya's house they cooked individual meals for themselves and ate whenever they wanted. Holly J felt weird going into their kitchen and picking some of their food to eat. So she didn't eat. She sat in the bed, staring at her friend, who was _snoring_.

"Shut up." she whispered.

Anya was asleep, and she was a deep sleeper, she didn't even notice.

"Did you always do that?" Holly J asked.

She slowly got out of the bed and went over to her bag. In it there was a picture of Fiona crouched down by the side walk pointing to a catarpillar.

Before Bobby, Holly J and Fiona would go on walks around town, just for fun, and take pictures by random things. They'd take pictures of random things. Sometimes they'd be funny pictures... where they made perverted jokes. The kind of pictures her mother would say "Oh, Holly J, delete that this _instant, _what were you doing?" when she looked through her camera. There was a picture of Fiona pretending to make out with a statue, and one of Holly J pretending to give that same statue a 'BJ'.

Holly J had orginally said "Go do it, Fiona. It'll be funny." Fiona refused, saying she'd kiss the statue but not give it a 'BJ', especially in public. So Holly J did and Fiona snapped the picture... but Holly J's mother had tried to get her to delete it right away... but she secretly kept it. She missed the old Fiona. The one that wasn't always crying and that wasn't always scared. Everyone said that she'd get better though.

Holly J had to hope they were right.


	91. Chapter 91

**-Author's Note: I **_**love **_**Project Runway****. And also Seth-Aaron was the best person ever on that show. 3.**

**Also, dear people who read this story. You are just as cool as Seth-Aaron. Don't know who that is? Well... saying that you're as cool as Seth-Aaron is a major compliment, if that tells you anything. :)**

**Also, Holly J makes fun of fanfictions. Obviously this is **_**Holly J, **_**not me... because I'm on like chapter 90-something of **_**my **_**fanfiction, and it would be a bit hypocritical if I actually thought that. Ha ah ah ha! 3 -**

She. couldn't. get. it. off.

Bobby was all over her and it was _staying _like that. She always felt like he was touching her now, and she figured that was just the way it was going to be because no matter what she did it. stayed. the. same.

It frusterated her and she started crying.

Earlier she had woke up and Declan was sitting there hugging her and she had just been having a dream about Bobby... and for a second she thought that she was with him. And everytime Declan would try to hold her hand or touch her... it made her shudder. Not that it was Declan... it was just... she didn't know how to explain it... She just didn't want to be touched _at all_.

She hoped she didn't hurt her brother's feelings. It wasn't as if she didn't like it when he hugged her. Most of the time it made her feel better, and safe... but _not _after that horrifying dream.

She turned the hot water on as far as it would go, but it was running out, and starting to get cold.

"Damn it!" she muttered, "Damn it, Damn it, Damn it!"

She started crying, she turned the hot water on as much as it would go, and trying to turn it more, but it wouldn't go. She kept trying when suddenly it gave way with a loud 'click' ... but the water was still cold. She sat under it crying for a few minutes before trying to turn it off. She turned off the cold, then _tried _to turn of the hot... but no matter how hard she turned and how _long _she turned, the water wouldn't shut off. She kept twisting and twisting the knob.

She jumped out of the shower and dried off, dressing herself and then trying to shut off the water again.

"Declan..." she whispered, she realized that of course he couldn't hear her over the water, especially if she was whispering.

She went out the door and downstairs.

"Declan?" she asked.

"You ok, Fi?"  
"Yeah..." Fiona said, "But I broke the shower."

"You _broke _the _shower_?"  
"It won't turn off."

Declan sighed and walked upstairs, "You've just got to turn it off." he said he twisted it the same way she did, then the other way. When it wouldn't shut off he looked at her.

"What did you _do_?"

"I just tried to make turn it on more and then it was still cold... and then it snapped..."

"I don't know how to fix it." Declan sighed.

Fiona looked down, "I'm sorry that I broke our shower." she said. The last time she had apologized for something like that was when she was about ten years old. That was an apology for breaking the picture frame while she was swinging her jump rope like a helicopter.

"It's alright, Fi." Declan said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

He called a mechanic... who told him to call a plumber, who told him to shut off their water. "Shut the whole thing off?" Declan asked into the phone, glancing at Fiona with a slightly angry look on his face.

The muffled voice of the plumber came through the telephone and Declan looked exhausted. "Ok.. fine. Thanks."

He turned off the phone and looked at Fiona.  
"This wasn't going to be much of a problem until I found out we had to shut _all_ the water off. We can't use any water until one pm tomorrow. That's the only time he can fix it."

"Sorry." Fiona muttered under her breath, sitting down on the couch, "It's not like I _mean _to screw everything up."

Declan glanced at her and went over to the water heater, opening the little door and flipping off the switch.

He sat down beside her on the couch, putting his hand over her's.

"You don't screw up everything." he whispered.  
"You're right, I screw up seventy-five percent of things."

"Everyone make mistakes."  
"I make them more frequently then anyone else."

"Stop trying to make yourself feel bad. Nothing bad that's happened is your fault... Bobby... he did that, not you."  
"So I did perfect when I didn't go and get help, and when I started drinking and doing drugs and sneaking out... _taking _Ellie with me to the park over night with out telling you and Holly J?" she asked, "That sure does _sound_ right, doesn't it?" her voice leaked with sarcasm.

"Maybe you made a few tiny mistakes... but that's ok... I mean, don't do it again... but you were lost... and now it's fine." Declan said.

Fiona was silent for a few second before she spoke in a whisper,

"What would you do..." she began, "if you found me dead?"

Her words frightened him. "What would I do if I found you dead?" he repeated.

"Yeah." Fiona said, hunching down in the couch.  
"First of all..." Declan said, "Make sure that _doesn't _happen..." He paused, looking up at her, "And second of all... you're my sister, I mean... you're half of me... so I'd be really really sad. For the rest of my life."

"No one else would be."

"Tons of people would be."

"Who?" Fiona asked.  
"Mom, Dad, Holly J, Ellie, Anya, Logan... all of Logan's friends..."

"I can explain why each of those people wouldn't care at all." Fiona said, "Mom yelled at me... because of Bobby, the last time dad saw us we were eight... well the last time he spoke to us in words other then "go put on your dress now', Holly J is mad at me, Ellie won't even remember me, Anya is probably pretending to like me, Logan wasn't even at the trial, and Logan's friends don't know me."

"Fi... you know none of that's true."

"Everyone hates me. You hate me, you know that's true. You told me."  
"When did I tell you that?" Declan asked, flipping through his mind for all the little sibling fights they've ever been in.

Fiona started explaining that when Bobby hit her... the first few weeks of the hitting she had been trying to get his attention and he didn't listen... because he was busy with Holly J, "And so when you were cooking..." Fiona continued, "I turned off the timer, and the food got burnt... it was a lot of food, remember? And you said 'Fiona Coyne! What the hell? Why would you do that? Sometimes you're so annoying!" Fiona paused and looked up at her brother, "I'm sorry." she said, "I know it's months late... but I'm sorry, and I know it was stupid... but I just wanted you to notice me... I thought that if you started talking to me, even lecturing me you'd listen."

Declan vividly remembered that night. He _had _been _very _angry...

"That was my fault, Fi." Declan said, "I didn't pay attention to you... and you were just trying to get help."

There was a knock at the door and Declan got up to answer it, knowing that Fiona didn't like answering the door... or _talking _to people.

It was Logan.

"Morning Logan. Staying here for a while?"  
"A while." Logan repeated, his eyes glancing around the room.

"Where's Fiona?" he asked.

Declan looked beside him. "She _was _right there." he said.

"She's not now?"  
"Can you see?" Declan asked. Ok... maybe Logan wasn't his favorite person. He _did _try to have sex with Fiona, and he _did _say he was going to court with them and then he _didn't._

"I can see." Logan said, playing Declan's game of 'Answer jokes seriously.'

Holly J threw the pillow up, caught it, and did it again. Anya had this obsession with a show called "Project Runway". It was interesting at times... at other times it was terrible. It was about people designing clothes for their models... and then judges telling them how ridiculas... or great they looked. Then people would get voted out... and then it was the next scene. It looked like something Fiona would like, Holly J thought. Or maybe something Fiona would even like to be featured on. She would win, Holly J concluded. Everyone else sucked.

"This show's boring." Holly J said, tossing the pillow again.

Anya slapped it down, "Stop blocking the screen." she said, then she pointed to it, "Seth-Aaron is sooo hot."

"You not dating Sav anymore?" Holly J asked, tossing the pillow again.

"Not right now. -Look at Seth Aaron."

"Shut up." Holly J said, rolling off of the bed and pressing the 'on' button on Anya's laptop, and quickly typing in the password. She knew what it was... it never changed. It was the number Anya used at school during lunch. They had to enter a number into a computer to transfer money from their account. Anya's number was 07872... Holly J had remembered it since they were in seventh grade. She'd go up and use Anya's money to buy cookies if she didn't have money left.

She got on Anya's computer, only to find that it was incredibly slow. "What did you do to it?" she asked.  
"Do to what?" Anya asked, not lifting her eyes from the screen.

"Your computer.

"Wrote lots of stories... got em' all saved. That's all I use it for."

Holly J opened up a document. She started reading what Anya had written. Stupid fanfictions, Holly J thought. Only losers write fanfictions. Like that creepy little kid... ok... not so little, but that Darcy girl's little sister.

And Anya's fanfictions were about... _Glee_ and _House_... and _Hell Cats_?

Holly J closed them to prevent herself from laughing. She wondered how her boyfriend... was doing... how her almost-sister, Fiona was doing. It was true that Fiona was almost like her sister. Fiona was her baby's aunt... and they lived together, knew everything about each other. Even if Holly J did get mad once in a while or jelous. She wasn't against Fiona. She was against Declan _always _being with her. No matter what. And of course he never _ever _ helped with Ellie.

Ellie... Holly J missed her baby too.

Fiona was hiding in the closset. She had heard Declan mention Logan's name... she'd heard Logan. She liked Logan. She maybe even _loved _Logan. But while he was gone, she'd decided something. She _couldn't _trust men. Not ever. All they wanted was control... and sex. The only man she could trust was her brother. So she'd hide. And Logan would leave soon. She wasn't going out there. She didn't know Logan good enough. She might know him... a lot... but not good enough. And then Declan would start to trust him and Logan would see that and then Declan would leave her alone with him and he'd...

Fiona took a deep breath... no. That was _not _going to happen. Never ever again. Not ever. She wanted to trust him. But... she couldn't. She wished he'd leave. She wanted to talk to her brother.


	92. Chapter 92

Sure Declan knew Fiona was in the closet. He was only at the door for five seconds. He didn't hear her go up the stairs and there was no where else where she could really hide. But if she didn't want to see Logan, who was he to make her? He pretended he didn't know where she went.

"She might have went off with... uh... Anya." Declan said.

"Anya MacPherson?" Logan asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh... I'm going to go see her then." Logan said, getting up.

"No... they went... they were going to some movie... I don't know which one, I fell asleep and now she's gone."  
"Oh..." Logan said, sounding disapointed.

Declan felt a stab of guilt. Logan really _was _sorry... but... Fiona just didn't want to see him, so it didn't matter.

"She'll be back though... sometime. She's spending a few days at a hotel... I don't know which, if I can figure out, I'll tell you." Declan said, knowing very well that he wouldn't be telling Logan anything.

"Well... I'm going to go shoot some hoops, I guess." Logan said, staring right into Declan's eyes.

Declan guessed that Logan knew he was lying, but he just stared back. Logan slowly got up and walked out the door, waving bye.

He walked over to the closet. "Fi," he said simply. Opening the closet to find his sister crouched under some coats and purses. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't want to see Logan." Fiona replied, staying down. That was obvious.

"Did he hurt you?" Declan asked.  
Fiona rolled her eyes, "No;" She looked down, and then back up at her brother, "He hasn't even been here."

"Why don't you want to see him?"  
Fiona looked away from her brother. She didn't feel like answering that.

Declan crouched down beside her. "Are you scared of him?" he quietly asked.

Fiona turned away from her brother. "No." she said.

Declan sat against the back wall of the closet by her with a sigh, pushing coats away from his head.

"Remember when we'd do this when we were little?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"When mom would go shopping at the mall we'd hide in the clothes. And she'd always have to run after us... she said she'd have to look under the clothes for our feet."

"You must have a good memory, Decs." Fiona said.

"You have to remember what we did everytime we went to the store our _whole _childhood." Declan said.

Fiona stared at him before giving him a little smile, "Well... maybe I do."

"And she wouldn't let us get icecream... because _you_ kept running away. And because of _you_ poor little me didn't get icecream!" Declan said with a playful accusing voice.

Fiona shrugged, "I've taken the blame for you plenty of times."

"Yeah... you have, Fi." Declan said, putting his hand over his sister's. "Thanks for all those times when we were little and you said that _you _took the cookies when I really did... thanks for everything you've ever done."

"Likewise." Fiona said.

Declan almost forgot they were both crouched in the closet.

They were quiet for a few seconds before Declan looked over at his sister again.

"Why did you _really _not want to see Logan?" he asked, "What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything, Decs. Trust me, I'd tell you if he did."  
"You wouldn't if you were scared."  
"What makes you think _that_?"  
"Oh... I dunno. What you did when Bobby hurt you?"  
"No... he isn't doing anything, he just..." Fiona looked at her brother and then down at her hands that were tightly clasped in front of her. "It's dark in here." she said.

"Open the door a little."

"No." Fiona said, leaning against him. "Maybe I'm scared of Logan. I don't know. We... he could hurt me if he wanted to, Decs. He's bigger than me."

Declan didn't know why, but everytime his sister sounded scared, it made him want to prove her wrong. Prove to her that there was no possible reason to be scared, and he did it again, even though he had had the same thoughts before.

"Logan wouldn't hurt you."

Fiona glanced at her brother, then back down at her hands again.

"I'd protect you with my life, Fi." Declan said, looking at her. "I wouldn't let anything happen to you. And if he did hurt you... you'd tell me... right?"

Fiona got up and walked out of the closet, "Yeah." she said, sitting down on the couch.

Declan took this as 'I don't want to talk about that right now.'

He walked up behind the couch and put his hands on her shoulders, kneeling down beside her, "I love you." he said.

"I love you too." Her voice split and cracked all over.

He went around the couch and sat down beside her. "Is it getting any better?" he asked, "Any better at all?"

"Is what?" Fiona asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Are _you_? I guess that's what should I say, are _you_ getting better?"  
"No." Fiona muttered.

Declan hugged her. "I think you are." he said, not sure if that was what he really thought.

"I don't think so."  
"It's taking time... and time is a long time, you'll be fine... and you're getting better. I can tell, I know you more then you know yourself."

"You think I am?"

"Why would I lie?"

"To make me feel better."

Declan looked at his sister. Of course that's why he said it... "I wouldn't lie, Fi." he said.

"You lie all the time to make me feel better. You always have." Fiona said, "Like when we were taking turns eavesdropping on mom... and I heard her talk about grandma, and we switched and you heard her say that she was very sick... but you told me that she wasn't sick."

"You were little then." Declan said.

"You were too, and you know we thought of ourselves as big kids."

"Well... I'm not lying to you right now. I really think you're getting better."  
They were both quiet for a few minutes before Declan asked her another question.

"Truthfully, Fi, why didn't you want to see Logan?"

Fiona hesitated for a few seconds, "I'm just finding it hard to trust people right now... that's all." She looked up at him, her eyes holding onto his.

"That's ok." he said, "After... you know, after what happened... you're being smart."

She looked at him for a few seconds and then shrugged, "I'm _also_ being a non-social freak."  
"No... well... you should trust some people. Not everyone out there's planning to hurt you... but it's good to be cautious... you know."

"You know those parents who won't let their kids drink soda pop?" Fiona asked.

Declan stared at her. What did this have to do with anything? "Yeah." he slowly answered.

"I feel like them. _Too _smart... to protective..."  
"You can be as protective as you want over yourself, Fi."

"Everything I do is fine, to you. Not everyone's like you, though, Decs."

"Don't care what anybody else says. They can't do anything about it, and you don't have to obey anyone's rules." Declan said.

"I used to get _hit _when I wouldn't listen." Fiona said, staring at her brother. "I'm in the habbit of following everyone else now."

"Well... Fi... get out of the habbit. You'll like it better."

She stared at him for awhile, and he was afraid he had made her sad, but she eventually smiled a little. "Thanks, Decs." she said, she got up and walked upstairs. 


	93. Chapter 93

There was something about having a bestfriend who had gotten beat up by her boyfriend. It made it different then it used to be. Fiona used to be different. Happier, of course... but it was more then that. Or was she just extremely sad now? When Holly J had first saw the big black bruise around Fiona's eye... a million assumtions went through her head. The number one thing that crossed her mind was "Someone beat her up." but she quickly pushed it out of her mind... because at that time, she assumed in real life, things like that never happened. Which was a stupid thing to think, because obviously, in real life, things like that happen a lot. That crossed Holly J's mind, and the thought pushed it's way back into her thoughts, then she thought again... this was the day she had found out she was pregnant. Two bad things couldn't happen at the same time. Bad things happened... but not all at once like in the books and movies. She probably walked into a door. That was Holly J's answer. She walked into a door. However... while Holly J wanted to believe this, her mind was telling her that it was the most ridiculas asumtion ever... so she imidientally asked Fiona _"What happened?" and "Who did this to you?"_

_When Declan came up, she had answered. He had been angry, obviously. Anyone would be angry if his or her sister was beat up by her boyfriend. He had clenched his fists and it had made Fiona duck. _

_That told Holly J that it wasn't just a 'I got a bit carried away and punched her once' thing. It was an everyday thing. Holly J almost wanted to scream out, at that time, "He hit you a lot! He'd punch you everyday a lot! I found out by seeing this and...". She had felt accomplished. She had felt like she solved a mystery. She looked down at her crying friend however and decided that it wasn't the time. That it would be rude, immature and dumb to do that. Declan was going crazy, and Holly J thought that it wouldn't be long before he started running around beating people up. For a split second she was worried that he'd find Bobby and kill him._

_That night, Fiona had slept with them. The bed wasn't big enough for three people, Holly J thought, having the urge to push Fiona off the edge. But no... she'd let her stay. Fiona was her bestfriend. _

_That night, she'd thought about it all in her head._

_Ok... I'm pregnant. Pregnant. And Fiona... that Bobby kid hurt her. She was suddenly angry. Who gave __**him **__the right to beat up my friend? What did Fiona do to him? She felt like she should be extra nice to Fiona that night, but Declan was paying attention to his sister, instead of his pregnant girlfriend, Holly J. It made Holly J jelous. She pushed the thought away. -But even now Holly J was jelous._

There was a knock on Anya's door. Oh great. Holly J looked over at her friend. Her _snoring _friend. She was sound asleep, and Holly J decided not to wake her up. She rolled out of bed and opened the door. What could Mrs. MacPherson want at... Holly J checked her watch... 1 a.m.?

She opened the door and saw... Riley Stavros?

"Aren't you gay?" Holly J asked.

Riley gave her the death stare.  
"No... not to offend you, but aren't you gay? I mean... like Anya's a girl." She yawned.

Riley rolled his eyes "I can have friends who are girls." he said.

Holly J stepped aside to let him in.

"What are you doing here?" Holly J asked.

"Looking for Anya, did you kick her out of her room this time. That's a major step-up from making her cheat on a project... or making fun of her dyslexia." Riley stated.

Holly J crossed her arms over her chest, "She doesn't hold grudges."

"Maybe she should."  
"I'll have you know, that I am a very _kind _person. All year I've been helping Fiona get over rape... and that jerk... and then I've been helping Mrs. MacPherson..."

Riley stared at her, "What was that part about Fiona?" he asked.

Holly J realized that she'd accidentally said too much, which she tended to do often.

"When did that happen?"

"Her new boyfriend... Bobby Beckonridge wasn't nice to her. He'd hit her." Holly J said, realizing that it was better if Riley asked her questions, than if he asked Fiona them.

Riley didn't talk for a few seconds, "Oh." he muttered, then he blinked it away, "Wake up Anya." he said.

"You do it."

Holly J shook Anya awake, "Riley came in through the window or something." she said.

Anya sat up in bed. "Riley, what are you doing?"

"Everyone knows." Riley said, "And Owen is being a prick."

"No kidding?" Anya asked, rolling her eyes, "Of course Owen is being a prick."

They started talking about their hate for Owen and Holly J zoned out. She fell asleep.

Declan was watching House of Wax. Fiona was asleep against him on the couch. He was bored, and his foot was falling asleep because it was under his sister. He moved it out from under her which made her barely stir. He jumped when a loud part of the movie came on. The brother found out that the sister was under the ground... and he was trying to make her finger, which had been cut off, stop bleeding.

Declan looked down at Fiona and smiled... she had _not _had any perminant injuries from Bobby... well, she' probably always be afraid, she had some visible scars... and no one could give her her virginity back... but she had ten fingers... and ten toes... and the doctor had called a few hours ago schedualing a check up to see how she was healing... as a whole.

Fiona's grip on his hand tightened. He glanced down at her and brushed the hair from her face with his other hand before turning back to his movie.

This movie was gross at times. But it was one of his favorites. Fiona liked it too... but she had fell asleep right after they killed the first guy. She was always tired now... and she barely ever went to sleep.

When she had said she wanted to watch this movie, Declan asked, "Are you sure? It might make your nightmare's worse."

Fiona had rolled her eyes and stated simply, "I'm afraid of real things."

That seemed like a very simple statement to her, but to Declan it made him think... and after a few minutes it greatly disturbed him. Bobby was a living example that there _were _people out there... The kind of people you see in the scary movies and think "What would I do if I came across someone like that?"

Now Fiona was asleep... not seeming to be having a nightmare. Declan hoped she wasn't. She had been so strong. He still had no idea how she could sit by Bobby at parties and cuddle against him like he didn't hurt her. How he could hold her in his arms for a picture and she still smiled. Then she'd come home from being with Bobby, smiling. Acting like everything was perfect. That made him know that his sister was great actress. That was something he haden't known before Bobby. It also made him know that they were getting older. They didn't tell each other everything anymore... not all the time. But now he knew... and he would make her feel safe again.

And another thing that he'd often think about, is how much his sister went through. He knew everything that happened. Fiona had told him about it lots of times... but why haden't she told him about it sooner. Everytime he aranged some alone time for them? What did he say he'd do to her if she told? He already beat on her... and made her do sexual things... so it couldn't have gotten any worse.

And now he still felt bad, because he didn't see how much his sister was hurting... and how big of a secret she was bearing.

"Oh Fi." he said, wrapping his arms around her tighter. "I didn't know how bad it was, Fi. I wish you would have told me. You had to know I wouldn't have been mad."

He pulled her up onto his lap and hugged her tight. When he moved her it woke her up... but he could tell that she was also having a nightmare by the way her eyes darted around the room.

"You fell asleep." Declan said to her.

"I know."

"Nightmare?"  
Fiona nodded, "Yeah."

"At least he can't really hurt you anymore though."  
"It feels the same as when he actually hurt me."

"But you know he isn't."

"Yeah."

There was a few seconds of silence before Declan ran his hand down his sister's arm. "You've still got bumps." he said.

When Bobby hit her hard enough, she had bumps on her where the bruises were. The bruises weren't as visible now, but you could feel the bumps very easily.

She tugged her arm away from him and put her hand over the bruise.

"You've got another doctor's exam today. They called me. It's at five." Declan said quietly.

"That's only two and half hours from now."

"They're just going to make sure that your bruises are getting better the right way... see if he broke anything, you know..."  
"They should have checked the first time I went."  
"They want to make sure you're ok, Fi."

"I hate doctors. All they want to do is touch me."  
"They're just going to feel your arms and legs today, and your stomach. Listen to you breathe and stuff. They won't touch you anywhere else. Not today."

"I _hate _doctors." she said again.

"You're scared of them?" Declan asked.

"No." Fiona said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
"I'll go with you... like in the exam room with you, if it'll make you feel better."

She stared at him for a few seconds before leaning her head against him. "You're the best, Declan. You know it? You really are."

"Your the best sister, ever." Declan said, "The strongest sister."

Fiona closed her eyes, " I have about half an hour before I should start to get ready... I'm going to try and sleep."  
"Alright, Fi." Declan said.

To Fiona it seemed she had just fallen asleep when Declan lightly shook her awake. "Get ready, Fi."

She slowly got up and put on some more dressy clothes and followed her brother out to the car.

While Declan drove she hoped and hoped that the doctor she got was one of the gentle ones. Some times they didn't care. Some of them just wanted to hurry up and be done. Some of them were careful... maybe because they understood.

When they got to the office Fiona sat looking at the fish tank in the waiting room. They swam and swam... Fiona decided that she'd like to be a fish. When she was little she had told her mother that when she grew up, she wanted to be a horse. Fiona wished that you could change species.

Her name was called and she got up mindlessly and followed the doctors. At first she wondered "Who is following me? What are they doing? What if I want to turn aroundand go back, I wouldn't be able to get through.' but she saw it was only Declan and she reached back for his hand. She hated the doctors. She'd read stories about doctors raping their patients. Screw doctors. That's all they wanted. Why else would you want to poke and prod at someone for a living? And this was a _man_ doctor. Fiona hated men. No... she didn't hate them. She was just scared of them. She liked her brother though. She wasn't scared of him... not if she knew it was him. Once in awhile he came up behind her and accidentally scared her.

"Have a seat on the bed, Fiona." the doctor said.

Declan sat in one of the chairs by the bed.

"I'll be right with you." the doctor said, opening the door.

The doctor who's name tag said, "Dr. Harb" left the room.

"Sit down, Fi." Declan said.

Fiona slowly walked over to the bed and Declan took her hand, "You've been to worse exams. This one's going to be easy."

Fiona nodded and the doctor came back with in a few minutes.


	94. Chapter 94

He listened to her heart... and right away Fiona could tell that he was the 'let's hurry up' kind.

He lifted her arm and tightened his hand around it in all the places that bruises were still visable. She knew he was trying to feel for anything broken... because if bruises don't disapeer for months... she'd obviously been hit hard there. But it hurt, she bit her lower lip to keep from protesting.

"Hey..." Declan began, "Be careful, ok? That hurts her."

The doctor gave him a glance and an obviously fake smile before returning to his work. He was still being rough though.

"Dr. Harb, I'm going to ask you again to be gentle." Declan said with in a few minutes, "You don't seem to understand that you're hurting my sister."

"Breathe in." the doctor said, now starting to be more careful, one hand placed on Fiona's stomach, and the other placed on her back, "Breathe out."

The good thing about him hurrying, was that he _hurried _and with in the next few minutes Fiona was free to go.  
Dr. Harb said that she was healing fine, that all of it was fine. Declan took her hand and walked her out to the car.

"I don't think you'll have to go to the doctor anymore." Declan said.

"I'm glad you were there, Decs." Fiona said, "Otherwise he would've probably touched me and..."  
Declan stared at her with a strange look that made her stop, "Have the doctors ever touched you when they didn't need to?" he asked.

"No..." Fiona said, "They said they had to check for STDs and pregnancy and stuff like that."

"So it's just been doctor stuff... no... no unnecisary stuff, right?"

"Just doctor stuff, Decs." Fiona said quietly, a tiny smile placed on her lips. Her brother really did care. He was being careful now to make sure she wasn't getting hurt.  
"Alright, Fi... ok." Declan said a look of relief on his face. He pulled his sister into a tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Why would you think the doctor would hurt you... like that?" Declan asked.

She stared at him, "I don't know Decs." she said, and he knew it was just an excuse. She didn't want to talk right now.

"Not all men hurt girls."

"I know, I mean, you don't hurt me. I know."  
"I'm not the only one who won't hurt you."

"I don't care. I'm not taking chances."  
"So you're afraid of men now?" Declan asked her.

"Yeah." Fiona whispered, she glanced up at him, "That's not a problem though."

He pulled the car over in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  
"So your whole life you're going to run and hide everytime you see a man?"  
Fiona stared down. Maybe she didn't want to talk to Declan right now.

"Fi, I'm being serious, listen to me." Declan said.

"I don't know." Fiona answered, "Maybe."

"Fifty precent of the world are men."

"So?"  
"You've had friends who were boys before Bobby... they didn't hurt you. You can make more friends who are boys. It's silly to be scared now. That's like being scared of a killer in a movie. They aren't going to hurt you."

"Declan, Bobby was really scary." Fiona said, looking straight into his eyes, tears building up at the bottom of her's. "And I don't want anything like that to happen to me _ever _again."

"Fiona..." Declan began, he reached for her hand, even though he knew she'd probably pull it away... but she didn't, not this time. "You're always going to be scared if you act like that. Don't you get it? Out of everyone you met, Bobby was the only person who hurt you... what's the chances of it happening again, to you?"

"Declan, please just let it go, ok? Please?"  
"Fi, your life is going to suck if you're afraid of everything. Come on. We'll go somewhere tonight, ok? We'll go and I'll try and help you feel safe again."

"No, Decs." Fiona said, turning her face away from him.

"Fi, trust me. I won't let anything happen to you. You can stay right with me."

"I don't _want to, _Decs."  
"Please, Fiona Coyne?" Declan asked.  
"No, Declan Coyne."  
"Miss Coyne... please escort me to the party of your choice."  
"I choose our home, Mr. Coyne." Fiona said rolling her eyes at Declan's stupid game, wondering why she was playing along.  
Declan got serious again, "I'm taking you to a party, Fi. A small one. We'll go to the pool... ok? Doesn't that sound good?"  
"No." Fiona answered, "I'm not wearing a bathing suit."

"How about just a walk around town?"  
"I really dont want to Decs. I'm serious."

"I am too, Fiona. You'll be fine. I promise. There's no reason to be scared, I want to show you that."

Fiona sighed. Declan was being unreasonable. She couldn't just decided, "Oh yeah, I'm not afraid of that anymore." you couldn't control what you were afraid of. It was impossible. It wasn't her fault. Why was he doing this? Did he want her to be scared?  
"No, Declan! I don't want to!" she said, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Declan glanced over at her, seeing her crying. He was driving down a busy highway, "Ok... Fi. Alright... we wont, not today, but sometime I need to tell you not to be afraid of men. Not everyone's like Bobby. Trust me, I know."

She hated it. She hated hearing Declan tell her that everything was fine. She hated moving, because it made her hurt. Not as bad as it used to, but Bobby had gotten her good...

When she first came, the doctors had told her that they'd give her crutches if she wanted them... but she had refused. She didn't _need _them. No. She didn't.

"Declan, stop. Please." she said her voice sounding quiet and small.

"I wouldn't try and get you hurt, Fi." Declan said, reaching across the car to hold her hand.

"Stop trying to make me do things I don't want to do!" Fiona said, tugging her hand away. They pulled into their drive.

"Alright, Fi."

"Don't be mad... I just don't want it to happen again! Don't make me let it happen again!"

Fiona was trembling now, Declan got out of the car, and walked around to Fiona's side, opening the door and leaning in.

"I'm going to encourage you to not be afraid of half of the human race... but if you're really that scared, Fi..." he stopped and wiped her tears away with his thumb, "It's your choice," he began, "I just think it's going to be hard avoiding men for the rest of your life." He stopped, waiting for her to say something, but when she didn't he helped her out of the car, "Fi, I'm being serious. You shouldn't be afraid... I mean, I know it's normal for you to be. I read online about..."

Fiona zoned out. She hated hearing about him and his reasearch about her online, like he was researching an animal for a science project or something.

"Fi, listen, I'm trying to help." Declan said, seeing that she wasn't paying attention.

"It's like that for everyone who... who that happens to. They're scared that it'll happen again and they think that avoiding men will keep them safe... but you can't avoid half the human race for your whole life."

'Who _that_ happens to.' _that. _So that's what happened to her? _That? _When she thought about it... getting beat up, and raped. _That_ seemed like a good word to describe it. It was hard to describe. Remembering it made her feel small, and vurnurable.

She ran into Declan's arms and hugged him as tight as she could.

It may seem weird to anyone else. Your sister, acting as if she hated you, and now she was clinging onto you like she was dangling above a cliff, but Declan was used to it. It was what Fiona did now.

He put his arms around her too. He had to have triggered something in her mind, and he knew it. He felt bad now. He stood outside, by the porch ignoring the looks from people who went by. He let his sister cry onto his shoulder. She was shivering, but it was warm outside.

He felt the need to tell her it was alright, but what a _stupid_ thing to say. It wouldn't do any good, and did everything _look _alright? No. He tried to hold her as close to him as possible.

"Let's go in, Fi. We can talk inside ok?" Declan asked.

He led his crying sister inside, standing behind her and holding onto her shoulders, urging her along and into the house.

She moved like a zombie into the room, just crying. He helped her down on the couch and she sunk against him again, still crying.

"Fiona... Sis, come on, what's wrong?" he asked, "Just talk to me about whatever it is, I'll try to help. It might feel better."  
"I-I'm just re-m-membering, Decs." she said, "Th-that's it."

He was quiet for a few second before he hugged her harder, "You wanna talk?"  
She shook her head 'no' but immediantally started to speak.

"I feel small." she said.  
"Small?"  
"Yeah, like a bug that's about to be squished."  
"No one's squishing you, Fi."

"I felt like it. Like he could just do what ever he wanted... and that I was just kind of there, for him to have fun with." She looked up at her brother and wiped some of the tears away from her eyes, "You know?" she asked.

"Yeah... Fi, I know." Declan said quietly.

"But you here now... for you, so you can do whatever you want. You're here for you and only you."

"I still feel small. I'm scared."

"I'm here. If anyone hurts you, I'll take care of them."  
"What if you're not here?"  
"You'd tell me if someone hurt you, right?" Declan asked, "And anyway, we're always together... you'll be fine Fi."

"Yes, but I don't want to get hurt at all, Decs. Just please..." her voice was drowned by sobbs.

"Shh... hush, Fi. I'm not going to let you get hurt."  
"Then why won't you leave me alone?" Fiona asked.

"Because I don't think that you should be scared the rest of your life just because of Bobby."

"I'm not scared." Fiona said.

"You're not scared?" Declan asked sarcastically, "Because you keep telling me that you are!" he didn't mean to raise his voice.

"Why are you doing this?" Fiona asked, her voice like a little girl's.

"Doing what? I'm. just. trying. to. help. my sister!"

Tears started to spill out of Fiona's eyes. "You're not helping, Decs."

"Fi, I'm sorry." he said, giving her a hug, "It's just not healthy, what you're doing. Ask anyone."

"I want Holly J to come back." Fiona said. "Did you get the shower fixed?"  
"Yes."

"I'm going to take a shower."  
Fiona went up to her room and shut the door. Declan wondered what she was doing... there wasn't a shower in her room, of course.

Holly J was asleep. Finally she was getting some sleep, over Anya's snoring, and Riley didn't sneak into the house or anything... but her phone viberated in her pocket.

"Hello?" she asked tiredly.

"Holly J?" the voice was small and shakey. Did she know this person? She looked at the caller ID.

"Fiona?"  
"Yeah... it's me." she gave a little shakey laugh.

"Are you... are you alright?"

"I'm ok." her voice was still soft, and small.

"Uh... what're you doing, Fi?"

"I dunno." Fiona whispered, there was silence on the other end and the quiet fizzing of the phone line.

Holly J was quiet for a few minutes before she asked, "Where are you?"

"I'm in my room."  
"Where's Declan?"

"Downstairs."

There was a few more seconds of nothing but the fizzing. "So..." Holly J began, feeling awkward with the silence.

"I miss you, Holly J." Fiona said.

"I miss you too, Fiona."  
"I want to talk to you."  
"We're on the phone... isn't that what it's for?" Holly J asked.  
Fiona laughed a little on the other line. The fizzing happened for another few seconds, the only other thing she could hear was Fiona's deep breathing.  
"I'm scared." she said finally.

"Of what? Bobby's in jail."

"He's not in jail in my nightmares. And Declan thinks I should trust people more... I'm scared of men, Holly J. There's only one thing they want, and you know it."

"I get it Fi," Holly J said, adjusting the phone on her shoulder, "But... he's right, I mean, you shouldn't be scared of _men_."

"I know... but I can't help it, ok? I can't." Fiona said, and Holly J could tell she was starting to cry.  
"Don't cry, Fiona... you'll get over it... but first you've got to get used to it. Start going out again, and not hiding. I'll go somewhere with you tommorow, ok? Come to Anya's house at 2. Her mom has to go to the doctor and I'll be stuck alone."  
"Ok." Fiona whispered.

"Alright, good luck, Fiona."  
"Ok... I'll let you sleep. Bye Holly J. Love you."  
"See you, love you too." Holly J was about to flip her phone shut when she heard Fiona's voice.  
"Are you still there?"  
"Yeah."  
"Thanks, Holly J, for trying to help. I know I can be difficult to get along with... and I know it's embarassing when I start crying in public... you're doing a lot, thanks."  
Holly J smiled, "You're welcome, Fi... and you know that I know you can't help your crying spells... I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. It's the least I can do to try and help."  
"Thank you." Fiona said again.

"You're welcome, Fi, goodnight."  
"Goodnight."


	95. Chapter 95

_He held onto her upper arms, shaking her and shaking her. "You promise not to tell anybody?" he asked over and over, "You promise?" he was yelling it in her face. She was silent, wincing in pain. "Answer me!" he screamed, tightening his grip on her arms._

_"Yes!" Fiona choked out._

_"Yes what?"  
"Yes... I pr-promise!"  
Bobby smiled. "Ok... Fifi. And listen, I'm so sorry... and I wouldn't mind if you told anyone... except eventually your brother would find out... and you know how ol' Declan overreacts all the time." He slung his arm around her shoulder._

_She stood there, terrified, her eyes wide, trying to recover from being shook so hard. Her arms were bruised. Her face was bruised. Her legs were bruised. Her stomach was bruised. Everything ached._

_"I love you, Fifi." he kissed the top of her head._

_She was still silent._

_"Do you love me?"_

_Fiona quickly nodded._

_"That's a good girl." He leaned over and kissed her on the neck._

_"I've got to get home, Bobby." she whispered.  
"Right now?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"_

_"Declan told me to."  
"You don't always have to listen to Declan." Bobby said._

_"Maybe __**I**__ want to leave." Fiona said, trying to gain confidance she started to leave but Bobby yanked her back.  
"A few minutes... ten minutes?"_

_She looked longingly toward the door before staring back at Bobby frowning. "Ok." she whispered._

_He sat her down on the couch and grazed her body with his eyes. It made her feel weird... dirty. He came closer to her and kissed her on the lips, putting his hand down her shirt. She wanted to pull away. He was hurting her. He was kissing her roughly, shoving his tongue down her throat. She could barely breath... but she decided that him groping her and kissing her wasn't as bad as getting beat on. So she just sat there, hoping for it to end soon._

_He shoved her down on the couch and shifted ontop of her. He looked down at her with a smile. _

_"You look scared, baby."_

_She didn't respond. He started kissing her again, his knee placed on her stomach, pressing on a bruise. She tried to pretend like it didn't hurt. And pretend like she liked what Bobby was doing. But with his knee crushing her stomach, one hand up her shirt and the other on her thigh, not to mention his tongue being pushed down her throat, she hated it._

_"Bobby, I can't breathe!" Fiona said._

_Bobby ignored her._

_"I can't __**breathe**__!"_

_He still ignored her. She repeated herself again and Bobby stopped the kissing for a brief second. "Don't you want to play dominant/submissive?" he asked._

_Fiona couldn't answer, she was just trying to catch her breath._

_Bobby began the kissing again for about another five minutes._

_Just before she was sure she was going to die from suffocation, Bobby sat up and got off of her._

_She sat back against the couch, trying to recover her breathing._

_As soon as she could breathe again she got up off the couch, but Bobby held onto her hand, "Where do you think you're going?"_

_"I w-want to go home." Fiona said, tears starting to roll down her cheeks._

_"I want you to stay." he growled._

_"Let me go!" she said, trying to sound authoritive, but her voice split in all different places._

_"Do you think you can tell me what to do?"  
"Let. me. go!" she said, then she yanked away with her arm as hard as she could... but he held on. She started crying and screaming loudly._

_"Shut! Up!" he screamed, "I have neighbors. They're going to hear you, so shut the fuck up!" _

_She couldn't control herself. He threw her into the wall and it knocked the picture frame down. He shook her again. He punched her. It made her scream and cry louder. He came up behind her putting her hands over her mouth._

_"Just fucking leave, now! Leave! You act normal or else. I'll kill you... I'll...I'll rape you!"_

_Fiona broke away from him running as fast as she could. She got home to find that Declan was asleep on the couch. Good. She was worried about what she'd say to him when she got home. She coated herself in makeup. Before going back downstairs. She was hysterical. _

_She sat across from Declan on the other couch, she cried. He had threatened to rape her... to kill her. And she believed him. He misunderstood things sometimes. It didn't matter if she told anyone about him hurting her or not. He probably wouldn't hesitate. Of course, she didn't know that later he __**would **__rape her...twice._

_Declan woke up and took one look at his sister before walking over to her, putting his arm around her._

_"You're time of the month, Sis?" he asked, laughing at his own joke for a few seconds. He looked at his sister seeing that she was still bawling. He put an arm around her._

_"What's the matter, Fi?" he asked, "Run into someone on the way home? Did someone hurt you?"  
"No...no, Decs." Fiona said, clinging to him. "Some guy just made a racy joke on the street. That's all."_

_"What'd he say?"_

_Fiona half wanted to tell Declan about Bobby. Maybe he'd help. His advice might work. Yes, because if she told him, he'd make sure it didn't happen._

_"It was some hobo... a drunk. He came over to me and told me he was going to... rape me." Fiona said._

_Fiona saw a flicker of anger in his eyes... only anger... but he tried to make it a joke.  
"Well... __**that's**__ not going to happen." he said, hugging her sister tighter. He smiled at her, "Don't take anything drunks say seriously. Don't worry about it." Then he got serious again, "But be careful, Fi, when you're walking out there alone ok... I mean, there's a lot of bad people out there... drunks don't always know what they're doing."  
"I'll be careful... Decs." Fiona said, hugging him as tight as she could. He returned the hug._

"Decs?" Fiona asked, sitting up from the bed.

"Yeah?"  
"Remember when I told you... that the drunk from the street threatened to... to rape me?"

"Yes, Fi." Declan said, glancing from his book at her. "Why?"  
"That was Bobby."

"I figured... well, not at the time, I mean, but now."  
"I just dreamed about it. Everything was like it was when it really happened."

"I'm sorry, Fiona." Declan said, reaching for her hand. "I wish I would have noticed how much you were hurting. I hate to see my sister hurting."

"You're here now." Fiona said with a small smile, "We can't undo the past."  
"Did Holly J tell you that?" Declan asked.

"Yes, she did, infact."

Declan smiled.

"I'm meeting her today... I'll put in a good word for you."  
"Ok." Declan said, "But stop trying to please everyone. Think about pleasing yourself."

"I'm trying to be normal again, Decs."  
"When are you meeting her?"  
"In about 9 hours."  
"It's five a.m.. Are you still tired?"  
"A little."

"Why don't you go to sleep? I'll stay by you."  
"Ok."  
"Night, Fi. You're my favorite sister."  
"Goodnight, Declan. You're my favorite brother. And I'm sure if we happened to have any other siblings, the ranking would stay."  
"I love you."

"I love you too."

She curled up next to her brother, holding his hand, hoping for no more nightmares. He put an arm around her and she felt safe...safer. As safe as she was going to feel for a while.

She closed her eyes for a few minutes before opening them again.

"Decs... you still awake?" she whispered.

"Yes." he answered, looking down at her.

"You're going to stay here...while I'm asleep?"  
"Yeah."

Fiona closed her eyes again.


	96. Chapter 96

She felt someone touch her shoulder and she cringed. She didn't know who it was. She assumed it was Bobby until she heard Declan's voice.

"Sis... you'd better wake up."

Oh... yeah. Bobby was in jail now... she was with her brother.

"Why?" she asked tiredly.

"Meeting Holly J, remember?"

"I don't want to."  
"You said you missed her last night, and anyway... Fi, I know you want to see her. You're just scared, and she'll be with you."

Fiona got out of the bed and smoothed out her shirt.

"Not gonna get dressed?"

"Not up to it, Decs."

"I'm going to drive you, ok?" Declan asked.

"Yeah."

They rode in the car, Declan said hi to Holly J and they hugged. Which made Declan happy, hoping that meant she forgave him... for everything. He forgave her. She hugged Fiona when she saw her. "I missed you sooooo much, Fi!"

"I missed you too." Fiona said, standing there limply.

Declan drove away, waving.

"Do you wanna just stay at home, instead of going somewhere... or stay at Anya's home, I guess."

Fiona nodded.

"Something bothering you, Fiona?"  
"When is something _not _bothering me?"

"No... more than normal."

"Maybe." Fiona said, nodding a little.

"What is it?"

"Not much... I don't really know. I'm just not having a good day."

"Lots of flashbacks?"  
"Maybe a bit more then usual." Fiona whispered. Then she started blurting out things about control, and power.

"Fi... hey, wait a sec, maybe until we get inside at least."

She took her friend's hand and led her inside.

"What were you saying?"  
"It was like he could control _everything _about me." Fiona said, "Every single thing."

"That's what it's about... power. But it isn't happening anymore."  
Fiona nodded, "You're right, it isn't."

They spent the rest of the time watching a movie... until Anya and her parents got home. Their parents immediantally went to sleep. Anya came over and hugged Fiona.

"Hey, Fiona!"

"Hi, Anya."

Holly J excused herself saying that she had to go to the bathroom.  
"Feeling down?" Anya asked.

"Yeah, a little."  
"Why?"  
Did Anya not know? Maybe she assumed that Fiona had already gotten over it.

"Thinking about Bobby."

Anya paused for a few seconds before taking Fiona's hand, "Well... if you want to talk, let me know."

Then Anya leaned in and whispered into her ear, "I know everyone probably says that... but... I feel like I need to help, or that I should at least offer it."  
"Thanks, Anya." Fiona said with a smile.

"If you don't want to answer this, it's fine... but I mean, ok... this is a bit out of line, but what's it like?"  
"What's it like?" Fiona repeated.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have. I just am trying to understand better."

"It's..." Fiona paused and looked into Anya's eyes, then back down, "It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me." she whispered. "It made me feel powerless... like something Bobby owned... it hurt... of course it hurt." she gave a little sad laugh. "And it scared me... a lot. And he would tell me... that if I told Declan, he'd hurt me more... or kill me." She glanced up at Anya again, "You don't even want to know what it's like... Anya."

Anya tilted her head to the side, staring at her friend, trying her best to understand, and thinking about what she could do to help.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

"Why should you be sorry? Were you the one who hit me? The one who raped me?"  
Anya shook her head, and giving a little smile, "Of course not."

"That's what I thought."

Holly J came back in, ending the conversation.

She saw the troubled look on Fiona's face... and a strange awkward type on on Anya's.

"Find something to talk about while I was gone?" she asked quietly.

Fiona glanced at Anya.

She didn't know if Fiona was mad at her, or upset with her or if she didn't care, knowing that Anya was just curious.

"We were talking about if maybe Fiona could stay over... what do you think, Fiona?" Anya asked.

Fiona looked up in suprise. "All night?"

"Well, it's kind of late now... so why not? Unless you don't want to, I mean we can't make you stay with us."  
Fiona gave a slight smile, "Ok... I guess I will."

The rest of the night was spent watching TV, playing games and telling stories... Fiona didn't participate very much, but she did a little.

When they were all tired, Fiona decided to call Declan again, "Decs? Hi... I just wanted to call you, and say goodnight, I love you... yeah... I know." Fiona smiled, "Ok... see you in the morning Decs, I miss you."

Anya exchanged glances with Holly J.

"He's her bestfriend... they're really close." Holly J whispered to Fiona.

When she hung up they tried to go to sleep... Fiona couldn't. Anya fell right asleep but Holly J noticed Fiona staying wide awake.

"Push your matress closer to mine, Fi." Holly J said, they slept on matresses on the floor.

Fiona did what Holly J said, and Holly J held her hand.

"If you think about it, Fi, you're even safer here, you know? Because if anyone wanted to find you, they'd go to your house, not Anya's."

Fiona nodded.

"And... I'm here, I mean... I'll help you with anything."  
Fiona finally fell asleep, and Holly J did too.

_She was in the bed, with Bobby. He was rubbing his hand up her leg, then up her waist and back down._

_"I don't want to keep doing this." she whispered._

_"Why?"_

_"Why?" Fiona asked. She couldn't believe him. "Because, you can't keep hitting me if I disagree with you... you're not my boss!"_

_"I'm not, Fifi?" Bobby asked, his grip tightening on her wrist._

_"No... Bobby, you're not." Fiona whispered, trembling._

_"You're my girlfriend, Fiona."  
"I know, Bobby!" Fiona began, her voice rising, "But I'm not your..." she stopped and looked away from him, then whispered, "I'm not your little toy... you don't... you don't own me."_

_"I don't, do I?" he asked, a smile placed on his face._

_That was the first night. The first time, 'it' happened. The first time he raped her... rape? Sexually molested... sexually abused... whatever you'd call him touching her... everywhere._

_She had tried to scream, but he had covered her mouth. So closed her eyes and hummed the tune from the jewlrey box that her grandmother had gotten her so long ago. But she automatically moved everytime he touched her, trying to get away, and he slapped her each time she moved, so it was hard to hum when she was in pain._

_She was glad that her clothes were still on... because it was cold in his house... but of course, he went under the clothes when he wanted to 'play' with her._

_When he was done he smiled. "Ok, Fifi. Do you understand me?"_

_She quickly nodded, trying to hide tears._

_"Don't be sad, Fifi. Just think of it like wild animals. The male is always dominant."_

_We're not wild animals, Fiona wanted to say, but she was too scared._

_"No, that sounds dumb." Bobby said, "But I'm the boss, and sometimes I get carried away, but you've never had a real boyfriend before. You don't know what it's supoosed to be like."_

_She got her things and ran out the door before he could catch her... or maybe he didn't want to catch her._

_She went home and sat on her bed. She didn't get raped... did she? She haden't wanted him to touch her... but it wasn't rape. Because he'd just touched her... no sex. So she was still a virgin... too... right? She decided that she was... and that what had happened was no worse than a kiss. Did she honestly believe that? No. She just wanted to._

Fiona woke up from that awful dream, crying. Holly J was asleep, she looked up, Anya wasn't in her bed. She must have gotten up to go to the bathroom.

Just as soon as Fiona woke up, the door cracked open, and Anya walked in.

At first she didn't notice that Fiona was awake. She sat down in her bed and closed her eyes, waking again when she heard Fiona crying.

"Hey... what's wrong?"  
"I h-had a nightmare..." Fiona whispered.

"Are you ok?"  
Fiona almost said "Yes" but she didn't... why pretend? It was obvious. "No." she answered.

"Can I help?"  
"Can you turn back time?"

"Well... _no_." Anya said, lightly smiling, "But surely I can help in another way."  
"Can you delete people's memories?"  
Anya smiled again, "I don't think so. Sorry."

"I figured. Neither can Declan, or Holly J."

"Did you think the would be able to?" Anya asked still smiling.  
"No."

"Well, it's ok. It'll only get better."  
"Sometimes it gets worse."  
"Well, it'll be better someday... you're fine."

"Yeah... sure."  
"Really, Fiona."  
"Really, Anya."  
Anya rolled her eyes, smiling. "It's ok. Try and get some sleep."  
"Can I call Declan?"  
"I can't stop you... can I?" Anya asked.  
Fiona fumbled for her phone.


	97. Chapter 97

"Declan?"

"Fi?"  
"Yeah."

"What're you doing?"  
"I just wanted to say goodnight."  
"Oh... goodnight, Fiona. Sweet dreams."  
"I don't think so. I never have any good dreams... only Bobby dreams."  
"Have Anya and Holly J been helping you?"  
"Yes."  
"Ok... good... are you ok?"  
"Yeah."

"Alright."  
"Ok."  
"Call me... I mean, if you want to come home I'll come and get you."  
"Ok. Goodnight Decs, I love you."

"Night, Fi. I love you too." They hung up.

The next morning Fiona woke up before everyone else... but only by a few minutes, Anya woke up about ten minutes after her. About an hour later Holly J woke up. They ate breakfast and Fiona called Declan who came to pick her up. She was surprised when her father was sitting in the passenger seat.

She opened the back door to find her mother.

"Sit beside me sweetie... I want to talk to you."  
Fiona glanced up at Declan.

"They wanted to visit... they miss us, Fi." he said.

They drove home and Mrs. Coyne led Fiona into the house.

"Is it really true?" she aksed. Mr. Coyne and Declan sat across from them... on the coffee table.

"Is what true, mom?" Fiona asked.

"What Bobby did."  
"I don't know what you've heard... so I can't say." Fiona said, avoiding her mother's eyes.

"Did... Fiona... did Bobby abuse you? I mean... oh sweetie, did Bobby make you... make you do sexual things?"

Fiona lifted her eyes and stared at her mother. She found it impossible to say anything.

"Honey... it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Fiona got up, "I've got to... I have to go." she said quickly, going upstairs, "I told... uh, Anya that I'd email her something."

"Can't that wait sweetie? I'm just trying to talk to you."

Fiona didn't answer and Declan chased after her. Stopping her in the hallway before she got to her room. She wouldn't turn around to face him so he put his hands on her shoulders, standing behind her.  
"I know it's hard to talk about to them... since they're never here... but she wants to help."  
Fiona started crying... she wasn't facing him, he couldn't see, but he could hear.

"I'll tell her... them... if you want..."  
"I want to tell them..." Fiona whispered, spinning around facing her brother, "I have to do it... you know she won't even care if you do."

Declan knew she was probably right.

He held onto her hand, and walked her downstairs.

She stood in front of her parents... just standing... there for a few seconds before Fiona spoke.

"Mom... dad... yes... he did... but he's in jail for it... and I'd like to drop the subject... ok... please?"

"This isn't something you can just forget about, Fifi." Mrs. Coyne said, taking her daughter's hand. She tried to ignore that her mother had called her 'Fifi'

Mr. Coyne stared out the window awkwardly.

"Trust me... I know." Fiona said, drawing away from her mother, "But... Declan's been taking good care of me... I'm fine... or, I'll be fine."  
"Honey... you need professional help." Mrs. Coyne said, pulling Fiona into a hug. "Oh... god, I'm so sorry I pushed you into that relationship, I never wanted something like that for my baby girl!"

"Mom, stop." Fiona whispred. "I'm fine... I'll be fine. That's why I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd do... this."

"I'm so sorry, honey. I just can't imagine anyone hurting my little girl like that."

Declan stared at his mother, holding his sister close to his side. "Mom... stop." His eyes held onto her's.

"Declan, hun, I know it's hard to understand your sister right now... but..."  
"You haven't even _been _here, mom." Declan said, "I have. She's told me it all in detail... I've been _understanding _her for about a year."

"Yes... I know you've been trying to help, but..."  
"But nothing, mom;" Fiona interuptted, "Declan has been helping, more than anyone's ever helped me before." She got quieter, "He stays with me when I'm asleep so he'll be there if I get scared... and if I want to talk, he listens... and talks back... he doesn't just listen he tries to help." She looked up at her brother, "Thank you... so, so, much Decs." she said, giving him a really tight hug.

"You're welcome, Fi." he whispered.

"Fiona, dear, we're not saying Declan hasn't been helping, we're not trying to make you uncomfortable, we're just trying to help." Mrs. Coyne said, She took her daughter's hand, "Have a seat, sweetie."

Fiona sat down beside her mother, Declan on the other side of her.

Mr. Coyne finally spoke, "_How _did you let this happen?" he asked.

Fiona stared at him in disbelief.

"She didn't _let _it happen." Declan said, "He's bigger and stronger than her. She couldn't just fight back, he'd hurt her worse. She was being smart."  
"But how did it happen? I mean what in the world did you do to make him..." Mr Coyne stopped and looked up at his daughter who was staring at her, her mouth hanging open.

"I didn't do anything!" she said.

"No... of course not... not on purpose but surely there's a reason for him hurting you... it can't just be to hurt you."

"Dad, stop it, right now." Declan said, almost yelling. "You aren't helping. You're making it worse. She was just now starting to realize that it isn't her fault and what are you trying to do? Convince her again? Maybe you should leave."

"Son, I'm trying to understand."  
"Well then understand. She didn't do anything wrong! She got mixed up with the wrong guy, he hurt her. That's it. He hurt her bad. See?" Declan reached over and rolled up his sister's sleeve. There were scars there. Now he wanted them to feel sorry for her. He wanted his dad to know that he had been wrong. He went upstairs and got the pictures that Holly J had taken, the ones of Fiona's bruised arms, legs, face... the whip marks on her back, busted lip. In the manila folder were the pictures... the tests for pregnancies and STDs... her morning after pill instructions... pictures of the couch, basically everything that had to do with the whole thing... the 'Bobby Thing' as Fiona called it.

He thrusted it at his father. "Here, look at these and tell me that she did something to make Bobby do that to her."

Mrs. Coyne sat beside her husband, looking at the pictures.

"Oh, god, Fifi. Did he hit you with a whip? Oh, Fiona." Mrs. Coyne covered her mouth, some pictures made her look terrifyed. Declan rolled his eyes. She shouldn't be the one doing that. Fiona should be. She was the one who it happened to.

Fiona grabbed the pictures that they had already looked at and looked that them herself. She was silent looking at each one. Her expression didn't change. But Declan put his arm around her. He knew it had to hurt to look at those. It hurt him to see how much his sister was hurting then. He'd been there for it... when she wouldn't talk... and sometimes when she couldn't stop talking... but he hated to see it again.

He glanced at his father, he was like Fiona. His expression didn't change... but unlike Fiona, you couldn't read anything from the expression. You could see the fear and the hurt from Fiona's. From his father, you couldn't see anything.

He looked at Fiona again... she was staring at the picture of her black eye.

"Fi... maybe you shouldn't be looking at those." Declan whispered.  
Fiona glanced up at him and back to the photo.

"Fiona..." Declan began again, then he sighed. Fiona could do whatever she wanted... she'd stop if she thought that she should.

When his father had finished looking at the pictures he sat them down beside him on the table. He didn't say anything, he just stared at Fiona long and hard, like he was trying to see through her.

Their mother paid no attention to them. She was reading papers from the doctors. Fiona was still looking at the pictures... and Declan was looking at everyone.

Fiona looked up to see her father staring at her.

He'd never talked to her much, not even when she was little... he had once in awhile, but he was always busy.

Fiona glanced away and Mr. Coyne got up and walked over to his daughter.

He bent down beside her, "Fiona, I always knew you were a strong girl, and this only proves it. Don't give up hope, ok?" he asked.  
Fiona stared at him, was he talking to her? Yes, he was. It was unusual.  
"Ok." she whispered.

"That's my girl!" he said, smiling. He gave her a one armed hug. It only lated about five seconds... he was never good with emotions... but at least he had some.


	98. Chapter 98

They told her they had to leave again.

She'd expected that... of course. They never actually stayed long.

They waved goodbye and each gave her a hug before getting into the car and leaving.

"That was nice." Declan said, a hint of both sarcasm and truth in his voice.

Fiona shrugged.

"I wish dad didn't act the way he did... and mom shouldn't have asked so many questions." Declan said.

"They're our parents... they just want to know, I guess." Fiona replied.

Declan gave her a hug, "They acted like you're doing so badly now... they don't even know how scared you used to be..."  
"What is this?" Fiona asked, ignoring what Declan had just said and holding up a picture.

"Burn marks... from the iron." Declan said, "Don't you remember?"  
Fiona looked at the picture closer, "Oh... yeah."

Declan took her hand.

"I wish I could help you more, Sis." he said, "You always look sad."  
Fiona glanced up at him and gave him a quick smile. "You're helping me enough..." she began, giving him a hug.

"No I'm not. Helping you enough would be getting rid of all the hurt. I've not doen that, not at all."

"You'd be surprised how much you've helped, Decs." Fiona said.

He hugged her to his side, "I've tried my very hardest."

They were interupted by a knock on the door, which Fiona got up to answer... Declan was glad she wasn't scared anymore.

She opened the door to see... Logan.

"Hello, Fiona." he said, "I... I've been wanting to talk to you."

Fiona stood in the doorway, looking... Declan stared at her, she looked stressed, and unsure of herself.

She blinked a few times before putting on a smile that Declan easily recongized as a fake. "Please... come in."

"Ok, ma'am." Logan said, noticing she was being strange... _formal, _ma'am was his way of being formal back.

He came in and looked at her, sitting across from her and Declan on the coffee table.  
"I wanted to say I'm sorry for not coming to the trial. I had to watch Chrissy. But I'm here now."  
"Of course." Fiona said. Declan knew that she was _still _pretending. He could easily tell... he knew her too well.

Logan held out his hand, "You ok? Something's bothering you."  
Declan got up.

"Where are you going?" Fiona asked quickly.

"I've got to take a shower." Declan said.

"Right now?"  
"Yes." Declan said, he walked over to his sister and whispered in her ear, "You'll be fine."

"Decs..." Fiona said, taking his hand.

"I wouldn't if I thought something bad would happen." Declan said, he gave her hand a squeeze and walked up stairs.

Fiona and Logan sat in silence for a few minutes, she didn't look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her.

"Do you trust me?" Logan asked.

Fiona glanced up, but didn't answer. She used to trust him... but she used to trust Bobby too...

"I trust you." Logan said.

"But _I _couldn't beat _you _up." Fiona said.

"I couldn't beat you up either." Logan said. "Why would I even _want _to do that?"

"I don't know."  
"Do you trust me?" Logan asked again.  
"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Logan asked.

"Yes." Fiona answered.  
"You do know?"  
"No."  
"So you don't know."  
"No..."  
"You do know?"

Fiona couldn't help but laugh at Logan's game.

"I do know." she said, "I might... maybe trust you... maybe." She said it with a smile but her stomach was doing flip flops.

"Just might maybe maybe?"  
"Just might maybe maybe." Fiona whispered.

"That'll work, I guess." Logan said.

Fiona was quiet for about two minutes until Logan said.  
"So he's in jail now?"  
"Yeah."

"Where's Holly J?"  
"She... she and Declan got in a fight..."

"A bad one?"  
"They're just angry with each other... Holly J's coming back soon, she told me." Fiona said. That was true... kind of. Holly J said she was thinking about coming back soon.

"Oh..." Logan said, then he sighed, "Are _you _ok?"  
"Yes... well, kind of."

"What's been going on?"

"My parents visited... and Declan's been helping."

"What did you do with your parents?"  
"They yelled at me... then Declan showed them pictures of my... my _wounds_. Then they were really nice."

"They yelled at you?"  
"They were just surprised." Fiona said, shrugging.

Logan took her hand and it made her jump. She was startled.  
"Are you really scared of me?" Logan asked.  
"No..." Fiona began, she sighed, "Maybe a little."  
"You don't have to be though."  
"I know... but..." Fiona stopped.

"But Bobby fucked everything up." Logan finnished.

Fiona stared at him. "Yes... he did."


	99. Chapter 99

-**To **_**anyone **_**who was wondering what Logan looked like... well, he was supposed to look like whatever YOU want him to look like... some guy you think would look good with Fiona. 3 Also, sorry for the short chapter, I know how much **_**I **_**hate short chapters... but I need to free disk space and delete this so I can save my homework on it... ha ha. But I'll write more soon. :) -**

He came back downstairs, expecting to see Fiona huddled in a corner with Logan looking confused, or maybe to see Logan alone saying that Fiona had threw a fit and left. But instead he found Logan, leaning against the arm rest, asleep, and Fiona leaning against him, one of Logan's arms around her, also asleep. So it had worked out... or else Fiona wouldn't be asleep, she'd be crying... or just sitting there. Unless Logan drugged her. Declan had to make himself stop thinking up new possibilities. They were getting ridiculas.

He sat down beside them and reached for his cellphone on the end table.

He dialed Holly J's number.

It took her two rings to pick up.

"Hello?"  
"Hi."  
"Who is this?"  
"Declan."

"Oh.." she laughed, "How are you?"  
"Good, you?"  
"Good."

"Are you going to pick up Ellie today... from your mom? One of us is supposed to, at four."

"I was thinking about getting her together... and we could come home... together." Holly J said slowly.

"You want to come back?"  
There was silence on the other end and then an exhale, "Yes."

Declan smiled "Listen, Logan's here, he'll help with Fi, and then... you and me can have fun! I can help with Ellie more." he talked fast.  
"Ok... calm down." Holly J said, he could hear her laugh, "I'm walking over there right now, it was going to be a surprise, but, this works too."

"Ok... I'll see you." Declan said.  
"Alright, bye."  
The line went dead and Declan sat back against the couch.

For the first time in a long time everything was _perfect._

Fiona was getting better... 'recovering from trauma' was what everyone called it, Holly J was happy with him... and he could just relax... until Ellie got back, which would still be _perfect._


	100. Chapter 100

-**Dear Keyboy95. Ha! I would try to make it a book but... ahhh... the Degrassi writers would be like "Noooo. WE made up that character." and I'd be like "Dude, sorry." Then I'd probably get sued and **_**I **_**don't have any money, my **_**mother **_**doesn't have any money and well, she doesn't like to beg relatives for money (I totally would) so we probably wouldn't be able to eat if I tried to publish it. :D I love you guys... you know, you peoples who read this story. You make me feel bubbly, happy, and high. I've never been high before, so that might not be a true statement, but anyhow, I love you. 3 -**

She barely opened her eyes and saw Holly J. Didn't she just come back from visiting Holly J? Was that a dream? She got them mixed up now... a lot. But... this was her house... not Anya's. Who was she laying on. She quickly sat up. Logan. She smiled a smile or relief. Holly J was brushing her hair and Declan was standing by the door.

"Where are you going?" Fiona asked.

Holly J looked over at her.

"Fiona, you're awake!"

"That's true." Fiona said. She was glad that Holly J was back.

"We're going to pick up Ellie, want to come with us?"

Fiona stood up, "Sure."

"What about Logan?" Declan asked.

"I'll leave him a note." Fiona said.

She got a pencil and a piece of paper and wrote

_-Dear Logan,_

_I am at Holly J's mom's house. _

_I will be back though_

_So that's what's happinging _

_Fiona-_

She stuck it in his hand and followed Declan and Holly J out the door.

When they got there, Ellie ran to Holly J, hugging her legs.

"Was she good?" Holly J asked.

"Your child?" Mrs. Sinclair asked, "Being good? Nonsense. Not ever."

She laughed and gave Holly J a hug, followed by giving another hug to Declan, then one to Fiona. Her face got serious.  
"Congratulations on winning the trial, sweetie." she said.

Fiona gave her back a small smile. She had to fight to smile. She didn't like talking about it with anyone... other than Declan, her brother, and Holly J, her pretty much sister.  
"Thank you." Fiona said.

"How are you holding up?" Mrs. Sinclair asked.

It took Fiona a few moments to process this in her head. Holding up... _what_? Oh... holding up, how are you doing...

"No need to worry about me, I'm fine." Fiona said, trying to assure that this was the truth by smiling. Luckily, Mrs. Sinclair didn't know her very well, because she couldn't tell if it was a fake smile or not.

"That's good, hun. If you need to talk with me you can."  
"Thank you, Mrs. Sinclair."

"No problem sweetie."

Holly J talked to her mother for awhile, while Declan sat... doing nothing, and Fiona played with Ellie. She ended up laying on the floor getting stuffed animals thrown at her, she and Ellie both laughing.

Declan was worried. Ellie was acting... violent. Towards Fiona. Did it make Fiona feel uncomfortable... after all, Bobby threw things at her.

"Ellie, no throwing. Stop." Declan said.

Ellie stared at him for a few seconds as if she were determining if he was being serious or not. She threw another stuffed animal at Fiona, laughing.

"Ellie, _no_." Declan said, grabbing Ellie's hand and guiding her closer to him. "It hurts people when you throw things at them."  
Fiona sat up, frowning. "It was just a stuffed animal, Decs." she said.

"I don't want Ellie acting violent, at all."  
"Stuffed animals don't hurt, though." Fiona said.  
"I think I can choose the rules for my daughter." Declan said, looking down at Fiona from the couch.

She sat with her legs crossed, looking back up at him. She knew for a fact that if Ellie had thrown a stuffed animal at anyone else, Declan wouldn't have cared.

She didn't want to be beaten up or anything... but she didn't like to be treated like a china doll either. She wouldn't break if you touched her.

"Just because Bobby hurt me doesn't mean that I get hurt every time someone looks at me, Declan!" Fiona yelled suddenly.

Mrs. Sinclair and Holly J looked at her, they had been having a conversation... not paying much attention to her. They were staring at her with questioning eyes now.

Declan looked down surprised. "No... Fi, I know that..." he said, "I just don't want Ellie hurting you..." he paused and tried to think of a way to redeam himself, "hurting you or anyone else."

"She's one year old! She can't hurt anyone!"  
"I'm just trying to teach her, Fiona." Declan said.

She glanced up at Holly J looking for some reasureance, some help. Holly J to say "Declan, stop treating her differently."

Instead Holly J put her hand on Fiona's shoulder.

"Fi... calm down a bit, ok? We don't want Ellie hitting other kids when she gets older."  
"But _I'm _not a little kid! She can't hurt me!" Fiona insisted.  
"I know... but she's little, we don't want to confuse her. She isn't allowed to hit anyone." Holly J said. "Take a deep breath, and relax, ok?"

Fiona pushed her hand off her shoulder and sat on the floor not talking to anyone until they left.

When they were in the car, Declan sighed. "I'm sorry, Fi." he said. "I didn't want Ellie to bring back memories or anything."

"I _know_." Fiona said, "But don't treat me differently, _please_."

"I try not to, Fi, but sometimes..." he stopped, "sometimes you act differently. I'm not going to ignore you when you cry or anything... but I'll try... to do anything you want, ok?"  
"You're doing it _again_!" Fiona said.

"Doing _what, _Fiona?" Holly J asked softly.

"He's treating me weird!"

"He's always been nice to you... _always_."  
"But he's... he's..." Fiona stopped. What was she talking about? Declan did always treat her nice... right? She was crazy. She was completely crazy.

"He's not doing anything." Holly J said.

"I don't know. I think I'm just looking for problems now."  
"No... you're just... having a hard time."

Fiona sunk in her seat. She was being ridiculas. Ever since Bobby people had been treating her differently. Because she had _wanted _them to. She wanted help then... she wasn't embarassed. Now she was, some how...

She was a dirty whore, that's why. A worthless slut. All the things Bobby told her she was. She didn't want anyone to know that.  
"Can't we pretend it never happened?" Fiona asked.

"But it _did _happen, Fi." Declan said, "And it can't be good to pretend it didn't."

"Why?" Fiona asked, "If we pretended it didn't happen, then it would be better. It'd be like it didn't happen."  
"No, Fi. It wouldn't be like it didn't happen. It's like if you break your arm. You can pretend it didn't happen, but your arm's still broken."

Fiona sighed, because she knew he was completely right.

Then she decided that sometimes, she _did _want Declan or Holly J to make her feel better... but not all the time. Not right now.

"You're right." she said.

"I know." Declan answered.

Fiona gave him a soft smile.  
"But... every once in awhile... you can act..." "... you can help me." Fiona said, "I just want to be kind of independant..."  
"That's a step of healing..." Declan began but Fiona stopped him.

"I hate it when you do that." she said.

"Do what?"  
"Talk about me like I'm some zoo animal or something. Like scientists have studied me and made observations."  
"Sorry, Fi... I'm just happy that you're getting better."  
"_Getting better_?" Fiona asked in a surprised voice.

"Well... yeah." Declan said.

"Was there something wrong with me in the first place?" her voice was rising a little.

"No... Fiona. That's not what I meant. I _meant _that you aren't as scared and sad as you used to be."  
"And that's better?"  
"Yes... Fi, it is." Declan said.

Fiona took a deep breath. And she felt Holly J's hand on her shoulder.

She turned around to look at Holly J who was in the back seat.

"Fi, I want to talk to you when we get home, ok?" Holly J asked softly.

Fiona stared at her long and hard.

"Ok." she answered.


	101. Chapter 101

**-I'm sorry I haven't been updating very much! My friend from Argentina is here for about a week and I haven't seen her for 4 years so I'm trying to spend as much time with her as I can before she has to go back. She leaves Saturday morning so... you know. Plus I'm trying to learn Spanish... so I can talk to her and the people in her country in about 2 years when **_**I **_**visit her. She is good at English... and I need to be good at her language! -**

When they got home, Declan went in but Holly J led Fiona to the backyard. They sat down on the swing.  
"I know it's annoying sometimes, because men are just stupid," Holly J began "But try to be nice to Declan. He just wants to help... I mean, I completely understand you but..."

Fiona interuptted. "I don't know what's wrong with me." she whispered.

Holly J sighed.

"Aw Fi, nothing's _wrong _with you." she said.

"Then why am I such a bitch?"  
"You aren't a bitch." Holly J said quietly, "You're just... you're recovering from an abusive relationship. That's hard to do... I mean, like you're doing good, and it's just a lot of stress on you."

"But that doesn't mean I have to be a slutty bitch."

"Fi, stop talking about yourself like that, please." Holly J said. "You and I both know that that's not true."

"Bobby says that all women are just bags of meat for men to use. He says they all get angry too easily and that they deserve to be... hurt..." Fiona's voice died.

"Don't listen to what Bobby says. Bobby's never right." Holly J said, feeling a new type of hatred for Bobby. Women were people too, of course. It didn't just anger her that Bobby had put Fiona through this, but that he wouldn't mind hurting her, or even Ellie.

"But he's right this time." Fiona said.

Holly J eyed her suspiciously.

"No... not about all women, but about me."  
"Fiona, stop." Holly J said, hating to see her friend hate herself.

"I don't understand me anymore." Fiona said.

"You're recovering from abuse... rape and..."

"Don't say that word." Fiona whispered.

"Rape?"  
"Yes... don't say it."

"What word would you prefer I use?" Holly J asked with a sarcastic tone.

"Hurt... I don't know, something other than that."  
"The word doesn't change the meaning." Holly J said.

Fiona stared at her for a few seconds before she spoke.

"I'm sorry... I just... well, you know. I've already told you." Fiona said with a small smile.

"You do repeat yourself a lot."  
"Yeah."

"You ready to go in?"  
"Sure..." Fiona said quietly.

They walked in and saw that Logan was awake, smiling at Fiona from the time she walked in down to when she sat on the couch beside him.

"What have you been doing when I was with Chrissy?"  
"What?" Fiona asked, then she coughed, "Oh... nothing much, like... trials... depositions..."

Logan's eyes skimmed the room and landed on the tape he'd saw when he woke up hours ago. A tape titled 214.743 was on the shelf. He haden't known what it was, so he had popped it and pressed play. He watched Bobby's stupid, smug face talking about how 'stupid' and 'crazy' Fiona was. Then there was fizziness and a pause and he watched Fiona talk about everything... things he'd already heard before. More fizzines, and then there was the whole trial...

He saw Fiona. She was shaking up there... and no one did anything about it, but if you watched closely, you could see Declan aching to get up and help her. Eventually, he did. Logan was surprised that Fiona even won after she said he didn't hurt her... it was strange... but she was scared then... and really she still was. Fiona's eyes followed Logan's to the open tape case that was entitled '214.743'.

"You watched it?" she asked quietly.

"I didn't know what it was." Logan said.

"You would have watched it even if you knew what it was." Fiona said, her eyes burning into his.

"Well... perhaps." Logan admitted.

Fiona gave him a strange look and Logan quickly spoke again, "N-no... not for... for entertainment or... anything, but just so I'd..." he fumbled with his words, "Just so I'd..."  
"Know?" Fiona finished. "Know what all happened, right?" She gave him a small understanding smile.

"Yeah... like to understand better."

"I gottcha." Fiona said.


	102. Chapter 102

"There's this really nice lady, Judith, she helped me when my dad died... I've been seeing her for awhile... and stopped a year ago... I could go with you, you could get help." Logan told Fiona.

"She's a therapist?" Fiona asked.

"Counsalor, therapist, what ever you'd call her. She's really nice. She makes you feel comfortable... at home."

"But I don't want to..." Fiona stopped, "A therapist..." she sighed, "Could... could Declan come... and Holly J?"

"Anyone who makes you feel better can come. She wants you to feel at home when you're there."

"Logan... don't be mad, _please _don't be mad. I don't want... for the first few times I go... can you _not _go?"

Logan looked at her for a few seconds, "Why?"

"I don't want you to be hearing it again, Logan... I mean, I've already told my brother everything... Holly J most things... you not so much. I don't want you to know everything."

"I watched the whole trial, I know it all."  
"Declan knows things that I... I didn't tell the court."

Logan quietly nodded, "Ok... Fiona. I mean, as long as you go... it _will _help you."

"When did you tell her I'd be there?" Fiona asked.

"Today, in about three hours."  
"Logan!"

"I'm sorry... but once you go you'll be glad you did."

"Yeah." Fiona muttered, "Maybe."

Within a few hours Fiona had told Declan and Holly J to get ready and that they were going to the therapist.

"Fiona! That's great!" Declan had said, "I thought you didn't want to go to a therapist."

"I don't."

"But Logan's making you?"

Fiona looked up and then back down toward her feet, "He's not _making _me." She said slowly.

"I... I know Fi, but, Logan's _advising _you to go?"  
"Yes."

Holly J grabbed Ellie "Wait!" she said, "El, you need your jacket. Declan, where's her jacket?"  
"I don't know... try looking in the-"  
"I'll watch her if you want." Logan said.

"Aren't you coming too."  
"No, Fiona would prefer if I didn't, so I wouldn't mind watching the Ellinator."

A big smile spread across Holly J's face, "Thank you _so _much!" she said.

"No problem."

They hurried out the door and followed Logan's directions to get to the office. Surprisingly, it wasn't an office. It was the woman's home. She lived there, but there was a sign cleary stating that they had reached the right place. "Judith Morbidda Counsaling and Therapy Service."

Declan got out, followed by Holly J and finally Fiona. They walked up onto the porch and rung the doorbell.

A woman who looked about in her thirties answered the door. She had on a dress with penguins on it, and her dirty blonde hair hung to her shoulders.

"Hello, I'm Judith." she said quickly. Declan held out his hand "Declan Coyne."

Holly J did the same and Fiona stared at the woman. She was... _interesting_, to say the least... Fiona blinked a few times before forcing a smile, "I'm Fiona."

"Ah yes, Fiona." the woman said with a warm smile.

"Go ahead, look around my house all you want, we have to get to know each other before we can talk." she said with a smile.

She began talking to Declan and Holly J while Fiona glanced around the room.

"Don't be shy, it's not snooping if I told you you can look." Judith said.

She continued talking to Declan and Holly J before she walked over and stood by Fiona.

"You are just the most unique one." she remarked, "Walk around, go upstairs, look out the windows. Ask me questions. I want to be friends."

Fiona smiled a small smile, but didn't say anything.

"Ok... then I'll go." the woman said.

"What's your favorite sport?"  
"Me?" Fiona asked, when Judith nodded she spoke again "Oh... I don't like sports."

"Not any?"

Fiona smiled a small smile, "I guess I like basketball a little."

"Ah... like Logan." Judith said.

"Yeah... like Logan."

"Do you want to sit down?"

Fiona looked up, "Yeah... uh sure."

She sat down on the couch beside Declan.

They talked about normal everyday things for a few more minutes before Judith's face got more serious.

"So you were in an abusive relationship... physically, sexually, emotionally... do you still think about it?"

Fiona shrugged, "Yeah."  
"What parts do you think about?"  
Fiona didn't answer, looking toward Declan and Holly J as if to say _well, answer her... I can't_.

They didn't answer for her, Declan nudged her.

"Pardon?" she asked.

"What parts do you think of when you think about it?"  
"_All _of it?" Fiona asked.

Judith knodded. "In nightmares?"  
"Yes."

"What do you do to help yourself after nightmares... to make yourself feel safe again?"  
"Usually Declan... or Holly J helps. Declan helps a lot." Fiona said, leaning on her brother's shoulder and holding onto his arm.

"Do you ever help yourself? Could you feel safe after a nightmare if you were home alone?"  
Fiona bit her lower lip. "Probably."  
"You don't know?"  
"I don't know... they don't leave me at home alone... one of them always stays with me. Declan does..."

"What if they aren't there?"

"Well... they always will be."

"Maybe for now... but someday, you might not be with anyone..." 


	103. Chapter 103

-**Ok... I know that right now, on the show, Declan isn't our favorite dude... if you've watched the most recent episode than you know... but if you haven't, then I won't tell you. But this story is different! It's kind of weird writing about Declan and Holly J being together right now... but just remember, in this story Declan is a nice dude! Also I decided to add some last minute drama-ish stuff to make it more interesting. It's a Fiona secret. It's not a good Fiona secret... but it's a Fiona secret, at the least.-**

"Are you scared of him?"  
"Am I scared of him?" Fiona asked with a sad smile played on her face. "No... of course not." she answered sarcastically.  
"Fiona..." Judith began, "This is serious. I'm not trying to play games, I'm just trying to understand you."

Fiona sighed, "Yes... I am." she said quickly.

"And why is that?"

"It's like..." Fiona stopped, "Like he could find me... and hurt me again..."

"Fi, I wouldn't let him hurt you again... you know that." Declan said, putting his hand over her's.

"I'd like to just forget it... Like Holly J... everytime you see me you ask me if I'm ok... and sometimes you don't do _anything _you act like you're searching for something to say to get around the subject of... of Bobby." Fiona said.

"I just want to make sure you're ok... and I know you don't like to talk about it, Fi." Holly J replied.

Fiona knodded, "Yeah..."

Judith sat back and scribbled things in her notebook. Fiona was in the middle of her sentence when she noticed.

"But he's going to get out of jail... someday, and he's going to be mad and-" Fiona looked up at Judith "What are you doing?"

"Taking notes... to understand better, go on."

Fiona stared for a few seconds, and Judith looked up and smiled before writing down more.

"He was touching me... and hurting me, all the time. I feel dirty... and controled. My stomach always feels _strange_." Fiona looked up at Judith and then she started laughing, and crying at the same time.  
"I. can. not. do. this!" she said, laughing. "It's ridiculas! I can talk to Declan at home!"

"Fiona, please have a seat." Judith said.

Fiona noticed that she had stood up and that Declan was behind her, his hands on her shoulders, pulling her close to him.

"Fi, calm down ok... she's trying to help, she will help." he whispered to her.

"_Do not touch me." _she said slowly, taking Declan's hands off of her shoulders. She began to walk away but Judith stopped her.

"Fiona, why don't you go to the other room... the family room, see it over there? It has paper and pencils for you to draw and write with, and a TV... we'll take a break ok?"  
Fiona stared at her. Judith was talking to her like she was a little child, but she decided it was easier to just obey her. Much easier.

Declan stayed back. He thought she was mad at him. She wasn't though. "Declan... come with me." she said, taking his hand.

Declan exchanged glances with Holly J, who gave him a small amused smile.

They went and sat in the couch in the other room. Holly J staying with Judith and talked.

"Declan?" Fiona asked.  
"What?"  
"I want to go home."

"Oh."  
"Are you mad?" Fiona asked quietly, avoiding his eyes.

"Mad? No. I'm not mad."  
"I'm sorry... It felt like it was Bobby... I was just thinking of him... and then you... and I'm just... crazy."  
"You're not crazy. You just get scared easily now... and that's ok."  
"I'm not a good person anymore."  
"You're scared... and sad, but still good. Yeah, still good, Fi." he put his arm around her, "In fact... you're great... perfect."  
"I bet you miss me." Fiona said quietly.

He gave her a hug, "You're right here with me, Fi. I don't need to miss you."

"You must miss the old me."  
"The old you? I didn't know there was a new you."

"The depressed me. That's the new me."  
"You're you... and that's it. And I don't miss you, ever. Because you're always right here."

Fiona was quiet for a few more seconds.

"Do you like her?" Fiona asked.

"Who?"  
"Judith."

"She's nice." Declan said, "And just like the rest of us, she wants to help you."

"Yeah..."

There was more silence before Declan put an arm around his sister.

"You think you're getting better, Fiona?"  
She looked up at him and shrugged. He saw the sadness in her eyes. It made him feel terrible.

"Do you?" he asked again.

She thought a few seconds before saying, "Yes."

"You're lying." Declan said. He could tell that she was.

"Declan, I love you. I don't want you to be mad at me." she sounded desperate.

"I'm not mad at you... and I won't be mad at you. None of this is your fault."

"He would do it all the time." she whispered slowly, her voice shaking.

"Do what?" Declan asked.  
"D-don't tell anyone, Decs, o-ok?" she asked.

"I don't even know what you're talking about, Fiona. You didn't tell me." he said in a soft voice.

"I only told you about it... t-twice... about two times." She looke up at him like she expected him to talk, but he didn't. He still wasn't sure what she was trying to tell him.

"The first time... the last time... I d-didn't tell you about the other times..."  
"Fi, be more clear... _please._"

"He..." she stopped and looked up at him, "Decs... _just put the pieces together_." she sounded exasperated.

"I'm trying to. I can't though... just tell me."

She pulled her legs up to her chest.

"He... _raped _me... all the time. I only told you about it twice... it was easier... and there's all these different things that I can remember... from all these different times... I didn't tell anyone, Decs... don't be mad." she whispered, then she blinked back tears, "Don't be mad." she whispered again.

"Why in the world would I be mad?" Declan asked, taking her hand. "I'm not mad, no... no, I'm not mad."

"Don't tell Decs. Not Holly J, not Logan... _not Judith._"

"I won't, Fiona. I promise." Declan said.

She started crying... hard into Declan's shirt, he was hugging her tight. Judith looked over and came in, followed by Holly J.

"Do you need anything?" Judith asked.

"No..." Declan began, looking down at his sister, "No. We're just... talking."

"Would you like to be left alone?" Judith asked.

"Yes please." Declan said quickly.

Judith left, but Holly J did not.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Fiona just... she just told me something."

"What?" Holly J asked.

"I can't, J... I mean, she told me not to."

Holly J tilted her head in confusion at Fiona who lifted her head long enough to glance at her friend.

"Fi... we said no secrets... I've told you everything."

"Holly J, I don't... maybe later, not now... not now."

Holly J shrugged, "Ok... fine by me." she forced herself to smile. She walked out of the room to talk to Judith.

"How many times?" Declan asked.

"I don't know... I didn't count, Decs... but after he... he'd start hitting me, and if I made him..." she swallowed, "if I made him mad enough, he'd do it. Or he'd... he'd tell me..." her voice died and she began to cry again.

"Fi... shh... don't cry."

In response she mumbled something... but it was mumbling... and she was crying too... so Declan couldn't understand. He held her tighter, not asking what she'd said, he wouldn't understand the second time either. He'd just let her cry until she was done... and feeling better.

Now he was sure that he knew everything about the 'Bobby thing'... but he'd thought that before. What else had Bobby done to his sister? If the court had known that Bobby had raped her... _lots _of times... like she was some sex slave or something, he would get more time in prison... he deserved more time... lots more time. He wanted to tell Fiona that, so bad, but then she'd think he was mad at her. And he wasn't mad at her. He was just... _confused. _Why wouldn't she tell him that? Why wouldn't she tell the police that? He kept quiet. All he could think about was how much he hated Bobby... for beating on his sister, and for raping her... more then twice. He clenched his fist at the thought of Bobby hurting her. He reached down holding Fiona's hand and hugging her. The whole front of his shirt was soaked in her tears.  
"It'll be alright, Fi." he said, "I promise... and I'd never lie to you. It was alright before, and now that I know it all... it'll be even better. You're fine."


	104. Chapter 104

**-How do you guys always find my story **_**right after **_**I post a new chapter, and imediantally write a review? O_O I love you, even though I think you guys are stalking my story. 3 Actually, I love you even more. Also... I wrote like this whole chapter and hit close and chose 'save' but I accidentally clicked 'no' so my WHOLE chapter was DELETED and I had to RETYPE it ALL! I am a little angry. Originally this chapter was longer and had more detail... but ahhh... I'm so tired and frusterated and pissed off now. Ahhhh... noooo... It was like the best chapter that I've written since forever... and now it's gone. I am so dumb. I hate myself right now. Blah. Oh god. - That's what I feel like right now, "Oh god." But I'll have you know that originally there was alot more Fiona and her little weird thing that I'm not going to tell you about because I want you to read it. -**

"Are they very close?" Judith asked Holly J, glancing and Declan and Fiona in the other room.

"Yes, they are." Holly J said, her own eyes trailing to them.

Judith nodded. "Are you very close to her?"  
"We're almost like sisters, I think." Holly J said, "She's told me _almost _everything."

"That's good." Judith said quietly. "I can see she doesn't like people who she's not close to, she won't tell them much."  
"Well, that's Fiona... she was always like that, even before Bobby. It was hard to get close to her. She didn't like to meet new people either. She'd eat lunch alone, unless Declan sat with her... and if I came, then she'd move."

Judith looked a little confused.

"When I started dating her brother she hated me... but now we're bestfriends..."  
"Oh... I see." Judith said slowly. She looked back up from Declan and Fiona to Holly J. "She doesn't like men anymore, does she?"  
"She's afraid of them."

Judith nodded. "She's probably not going to tell me much. I know that. She's that kind of person. You and her brother have to make sure that you listen to her when she wants to talk, ok?"  
"We know... I mean, we have been."

"Is she shy?"  
"When she's talking abou the Bobby thing, then she is." Holly J said.  
"The Bobby thing?" Judith asked.

"Yeah... she calls it all 'the Bobby thing'."

Declan glanced over to see Judith looking at them and talking to Holly J. Fiona was still crying in his arms.

"Fi... why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" he asked quietly.

Fiona shook her head. "I should have told you after the first time he hurt me... at all, I know I should have, Decs." she cried.

"Yes... you should have, Fi, but you can't turn back time... don't... just don't worry. It's my fault anyway, you didn't do anything wrong."  
"I didn't get away from him, I should have, but I didn't."

"You were afraid of him... Fiona."

Fiona didn't answer... because she was weeping uncontrolably again.

Declan sat back in his chair. _While I was parading around with Holly J, _he thought _Fiona was alone, and scared, at home... or at Bobby's house, probably laying on the floor being beat on... or... or raped. _

He smoothed back her hair out of her face. "I'm glad you told me now." he whispered. "If there's anything else... you can tell me."

She nodded at him, and he hoped that she understood... and that she would tell him everything, because she'd said that before, and she had only just now told him that she was living life like a sex slave... Declan hated that. Those words, _sex slave_. They sounded like something from a long time ago... Civil War times... World War times... not now... but Declan knew that yes, there still were people who lived life like that... and his sister had been... for a while. No wonder she'd run so fast to him when he came to pick her up.

"Fi... I love you." he told her.

She mumbled something that sounded similar to "I love you too." but her face was burried in his shirt and it was hard to make out what she'd said.

She held onto his hand like if she let go, Bobby would come and take her. It was like after it very first happened. Declan didn't know what was so terrifying... it should be better after she tells him... not worse. He decided that maybe talking about it triggered something.

She was shivering, and her hands were cold. Declan reached for a blanket on the back of the couch before remembering that he was at _Judith's _home, not his own. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"How long are we supposed to stay here?" Declan asked Holly J once Fiona was asleep.

"You may leave any time you wish." Judith said. "And you may come back anytime you wish. Free of charge."

Declan looked down at Fiona. "Can we stay a bit longer... until she wakes up?"  
"Of course."

"Don't worry, she'll wake up soon. The nightmares don't let her sleep for long." Declan said.

They sat on the couches in awkward silence for about an hour until there was a knock on the door.

It was another one of Judith's 'patients'.

Declan sighed, "Maybe I'll just carry her out to the car... maybe she'll sleep for a while today." he said. He picked her up... which was very easy. God, she felt like skin and bones, Declan thought.

He put layed her down in the backseat and shut the door, walking around to the driver's seat. Holly J was already in 'shot gun'.

When they were home Logan quickly handed Ellie to Holly J. "I've got to help my mom... I'll be back... though... not today, probably tommorow."

Fiona had woke up in the car... and they watched TV for a few hours, then Fiona decided that she was tired and so Declan took her upstairs to her bedroom. Holly J was waiting for him to come back downstairs. But he didn't... for a long time so she walked upstairs to find him asleep by Fiona. She walked back downstairs to find Ellie asleep on the couch and she took her upstairs to put her to bed. Since she was bored... she turned on the TV again... decideing to watch 'The Sixth Sense'. She stopped when she heard a noise behind her. She was almost completely convinced that it was a ghost, at first. She slowly turned her head to see Fiona, standing not blinking... staring ahead.

"Hey... Fiona." Holly J said uncertainly. She was acting creepy... and she had a... knife? Yes it was a knife.

"Fiona what are you doing?" Holly J asked quickly.

"Bobby's in my room." Fiona whispered.

"What?"  
"He's in my room."

"No... Fi. Bobby's in jail."

"He's going to hurt me." Fiona whispered, tears in her eyes. "He said that if I told Declan what he made me do everyday that he'd kill me." tears sprung into Fiona's eyes and Holly J got up off of the couch walking toward her.

She slowly slipped the knife out of Fiona's hands.

"My belly hurts." Fiona said.

"Your stomach?"  
"Yes."

"Why don't you go to sleep, it'll feel better when you wake up, I'm sure."

"But Bobby's going to hurt me. He told me, Holly J. Please help me. Don't let him..." Fiona asked, starting to cry. Holly J took her hand and led her to the kitchen and sat the knife down.

"Is Declan mad at me?" Fiona asked.  
"Why would Declan be mad at you?" Holly J asked.

"Because I didn't tell him until now."  
"Didn't tell him what?"

Fiona shook her head. "Bobby said that he'd hurt me if I told him... and I told him... Bobby's in my room."  
"No... he's in jail, and you're sleep walking." Holly J said, remembering all the times her sister, Heather would sleep walk. Heather would come into Holly J's room and mumble things that made no sense and go out the door, back to sleep. In the morning, she'd never remember anything. Holly J's favorite time was when Heather came in, tears streaming down her face saying "People won't stop throwing the cupcakes at me.".

"He's mad at me."  
"No he isn't... no matter what you do he won't be mad at you."

"Bobby hurt me."  
"I know."

"Today he did this..." Fiona said, holding out her arm and crying.  
"There's nothing there, Fiona. You're sleep walking."

"Holly J..." Fiona began, reaching out and wrapping her arms around her friend. "I miss you. I don't want you to leave... ok?"

"I'm not going to leave." Holly J said, returning Fiona's hug. She noticed Fiona was crying.

"Declan's mad at me."  
"No he isn't." Holly J assured her. "Now go back to sleep ok?"

Fiona made a small whimpering sound. "It hurts." she said.

"What hurts?"  
"Me."

Holly J was quiet for a few seconds. Just when she was about to talk again Fiona did instead. She mumbled something that sounded like a question.  
"I didn't hear you." Holly J said.

Fiona mumbled the same thing... and again Holly J couldn't understand.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore." she whispered.

"Why don't you go to sleep." Holly J said more as an order than a suggestion.

"I'm scared."

"He's not going to hurt you... why don't you go to sleep."

"Holly J... I don't want to be afraid anymore."  
"I know... Fiona, you already said that... but you're fine... go to sleep." she took her friend's hand and led her up the stairs and into her room. She layed down beside her on the bed.

"Don't leave." Fiona said.

"I'm not going to... I'm going to go to sleep too... right here.  
Holly J had planned to get up later... but she fell asleep too.


	105. Chapter 105

Fiona was getting worse, Holly J thought. She was yelling out, crying in the middle of the night. She had stopped that a while ago, she had just started waking up and usually putting herself back to sleep, but not lately. Lately she would wake up in the middle of the night whispering things like "He's going to do it... he's going to do it." It happened four times. Holly J had woken up four times when she was trying to sleep near Fiona. She probably would have been woken up more, but on the fourth time she took Fiona's hand and helped her up, walking her to Declan's room and helping her to the bed. She tucked her beside Declan and moved his hand to her's which he held onto in his sleep. Once she was asleep Holly J sighed a sigh of relief and walked back to Fiona's bedroom for sleep.

Declan was confused. He'd went to sleep with Fiona, woken up with out her, gone to sleep with out her, then woke up again hugging her close to his chest. She was trembling again. She'd get over it soon though, Declan thought, because he'd help her. The same way that he did the last time she couldn't stop having nightmares... or quivering. He hummed the tune from the music box into her ear, hoping that if she was asleep, she'd still be able to hear him... and it would make her stop shaking. It was three a.m. He wondered if she'd been shaking all night. The pillow was wet from her crying. He got up and went downstairs. The menu for "The Sixth Sense" was replaying over and over again on the TV. He got a glass of water and put a knife that was laying out on the counter in the dishwasher. He'd _told _Holly J to _never _leave knives on the counter. Ellie could get them and hurt herself. Oh well, Declan decided. It was an accident.

After he placed his cup into the dishwasher he walked back upstairs. He checked on Ellie, who was fast asleep. Then he went to Fiona's room. Holly J was asleep, but she woke up when he walked in.

"You left the TV on." he told her.

"I know... your sister... Fiona came to me with a _knife _and saying that Bobby was in her room."  
Declan was quiet, so Holly J went on, "She was sleep walking. She asked me if you were mad at her... because she didn't tell you _something_." She looked up at Declan with question in her eyes, he acted like he had no idea what she was talking about so Holly J sighed, "She must have had a dream she told you something." she said, then she went on. "She kept trying to show me her arm insisting that Bobby had hurt her today... there was nothing there though. It was a dream."

Declan sat on the side of the bed. "When did you go to sleep? You look tired."  
"I went to sleep at midnight... but Fiona kept waking me up so I took her to your room, where she still kept waking me with her screaming." Holly J said, "I don't know how you slept through it."

Declan layed beside her and put his arms around her. "I wish-" he began but he was stopped by Fiona screaming.

"I told you." Holly J said.

Declan slowly got up and walked across the hall, seeing Fiona tossing and turning, crying and screaming. He held onto her hand, pulling her into the sitting position. "Fi... hey, Fi. Listen... wake up, you're fine... hey..."

She clung to him, her arms were wrapped tightly around him... "Decs... _help me_." she pleaded, she kept her eyes closed.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, seeing that she was still half asleep.

"Get me out of here." she whispered, tears running down her face.

"Fi... wake up." Declan said, holding her away from him. "You're at home."

She opened her eyes. "He's going to find me, Decs." she whispered, "He's going to find me and do it again."

"He's in jail."  
"But he knows that I told you... he knows!"  
"How could he know? He is in jail." He said, running his hand up and down her arms in hopes to comfort her.

She was trembling. "Are you cold?" he asked her.

She nodded and he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. "There you go..." he said quietly. He moved beside her and put his arm around her.

He could feel her shaking. "What happened?" he asked her, "You were getting better."

Fiona shook her head, "I don't know... I was just thinking about it yesterday... I thought if I told you it would make me feel better... I think I was wrong... I was." she whispered.

"It will make you feel better... just not yet." Declan said, trying to convince himself as well as Fiona.

"I don't want to hurt anymore."  
"You aren't going to, Fiona. Bobby's gone."

"I have nightmares... and flashbacks... no... him being in jail doesn't do any good."

"He won't be able to hurt anyone else now." Declan said.

"I don't _care _about anyone else!" Fiona yelled, "I don't fucking care! I care about _me_!"

"Fiona..." Declan began, about to tell her that he was sure that wasn't what she really meant. Fiona started crying before he could say anything else."  
"Hush Fi... it's ok." he said, holding her close to him rubbing her back, trying to make her feel better.

Holly J came in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Is everything ok in here?" she asked. Then she turned to Fiona "Bobby isn't hiding in your room anymore?"

Fiona looked up, snuggling close to Declan. "W-what?" she asked quietly.

"You were sleepwalking earlier tonight... you said that Bobby was in your room."

Fiona shuttered. "T-turn on the li-light."

Holly J flipped the lamp off. "I _said _that you were _sleepwalking_." she said, "He wasn't really there."

Declan admired how calmly Holly J said everything... even things about Bobby.

"And like... what happened? You were doing good, you weren't having as many nightmares and everything's bad again, Fi." Holly J said, looking at Fiona, expecting an answer.

"I..." Fiona started but she closed her mouth, leaning back against her brother, "I want you to know too, Holly J." she said. "I just don't want to tell you."

"I'll tell her... if you want, Fi." Declan said.

Fiona nodded. "I want to leave first." she said.

"Ok... go ahead then." Declan said. Fiona got up and slowly walked out the door, in the hall she turned around and looked at her brother for a brief moment before walking into her room and closing the door.

When she was gone Holly J sighed, "What did she do?" she asked.

"Aparentally..." he stopped, it was _weird _to be discussing his sister's _rape_. He stopped talking... he didn't notice that he did though.

"Yeah...?" Holly J asked.

"You know how she told us that Bobby..." he stopped, "..._raped _her twice...?"  
"Yes."  
"Well... he'd actually... he'd do it a lot... like _a lot, a lot_."

Holly J was silent. She stared at Declan. Finally she said "Oh..."

"Yeah... oh..." Declan said.

"Oh my god." Holly J said. "Like how many times did he... do that to her?"  
"She won't tell me... she says that it was 'too many times for her to remember'."

"So she... everyday when we dropped her off at his house or something we were dropping her off to be raped?" Holly J asked.

Declan sighed, "And beaten on." he said.

Holly J frowned, she got up and walked across the hall to Fiona.

Declan followed her.

Holly J gave Fiona hug.

"Fiona, you're so brave." she said. "I don't know how you did it... hid it from us all this time. Hid all of it."

Fiona didn't say anything back, she just hugged Holly J. When they stopped hugging Holly J stared into Fiona's tear-filled eyes. "That's _never _going to happen again, ok? Never."

Fiona didn't say anything. She was honestly wondering what in the world made Holly J act like that... act so... caring all the sudden.. she always acted caring... but not _this _caring.  
"Holly J..." Fiona began... but a lump swelled up in her throat. She wanted to say '_Why do you care so much?_' but it sounded rude... and she started crying... She couldn't talk while she cried... so she let Holly J hug her... it _did _make her feel a little better... a little at least.

She felt... sick... completely sick... with Holly J hugging her... she felt numb... and dizzy... she started to have a flashback... and then she threw up.


	106. Chapter 106

Everything happened so fast... it was all a blur... the next thing Fiona knew Declan was leaving to clean up her vomit... and Holly J was holding her hair back, patting her back while she continued to throw up.

"I'm sorry..." Fiona began, but she began to throw up again before she could finnish.

"No... no, it's ok." Holly J said, still holding her friend's hair up.

Declan sat beside her when he got back, holding a towel and soap in his hands, and bringing in the trash can.

When she finally stopped Holly J helped Fiona up off the bed and led her to the bathroom. The whole way Fiona kept apologizing, saying "I don't know what happened." She kept repeating herself over and over again. By the time Holly J got back, Declan was already done cleaning up. "Thank you for helping her.u" Declan said, throwing the towels into the trashcan and looking into it in disgust.

"No problem... she's my friend."  
"Yeah..." Declan said, staring out the window.

She followed Holly J like a zombie into the bathroom. She tried to follow her back out too but Holly J led her back in. "Wash up, Fiona." she'd said quietly with a small smile. A small awkward smile. She put the plug in the bathtub and turned on the hot water. She remembered that she had forgotten to get new clothes so she went downstairs hoping that there were some in the laundry room. Instead, her eyes wandered to the bottles on champagne. Just a little would be fine, she thought. Yeah, just a little. She drank a bottle... and another, and a little more of a third. She walked back upstairs. She sat on the counter by the mirror and cried. She cried while she looked at herself. She looked at the small scar on her lip that was made by Bobby's fist... the scar on her arm where she had cut herself... only once... Logan stopped her... she wished he wouldn't have. Then the scar up her leg from the lamp being thrown at her... she looked like some old doll that no one wanted. Something that would be found in a tiny town that had been torn down... disaster ruins. She started feeling a little _dizzy._ It made her stomach feel bubbly and she laughed. Then she remembered that she had _still _forgotten her clothes, which made her laugh more.

Her hand was pressed against the mirror, covering her face. She slammed her fist into the face in the mirror... over and over until the mirror cracked... a piece broke and cut her hand... but she could care less. She didn't notice her hand was bleeding. She stepped into the full bathtub. She had forgotten to turn on any cold water and it burnt her foot. Her imediant reaction was to pull her foot out... water splashed on the floor. She laughed and put her foot back in. She put her other foot in... and sat down. She didn't care that she was still in her pajamas. It was burning her... the water, but she made herself stay in. She didn't know why exactly... maybe she was punishing herself. She put her head under the water to see how long she could hold it there... she wasn't trying to kill herself... but when Holly J came in, she thought that that was exactly what Fiona was trying to do.

"Fi, I have some clothes for you and..." Holly J glanced over at her. "What are you doing?" she asked, seeing Fiona in her pajamas under the water.

Fiona didn't respond to her so she reached into the water... but when she did it stung her hand.

"Oh _shit_!" she yelled, yanking her hand back. She thought Fiona was drowning herself. She hesitated a few second before she reached back in and quickly pulled Fiona up by the arm, and out of the bathtub.

"I wasn't drowning myself." Fiona said quickly a smile placed on her lips.

Holly J didn't respond right away, she had her hand on Fiona's arm. Fiona's skin was burning. Holly J processed what Fiona said. "What _were _you doing then?"

"I was..." Fiona stopped, "experimenting." She laughed.

Holly J stared at her. "Are you _drunk_?"

"Drunk..." began Fiona, "Is _not _an appropriate word."

Holly J rolled her eyes, "What happened to your hand?" she asked, seeing the blood running down.

"I was just having fun for once!" Fiona insisted.

"What did you cut yourself with?"

Fiona smiled and her eyes wandered to the mirror.

Holly J saw it and rolled her eyes again. "Change out of those clothes, and come with me."

Fiona stood there and stared at Holly J, a dumb smile on her face.  
"Change, Fi." Holly J repeated.

Fiona leaned against the counter. "Not while you're here."  
"I'm not going to leave, because you're drunk. And you act terrible when you're drunk."  
"I am _not _drunk!"

"Get dressed."  
"No."

"Get dressed behind the shower curtain." Holly J said, holding out Fiona's clothes.

"Fine."  
When Fiona came out she had put on her clothes... her shirt was backwards... but it was on, at least.

"How is she, Holly J?" Declan yelled from another room.

"Your sister, the _raving alchoholic_ is getting her fix." Holly J answered.

Declan was there with in few moments.

"You stay there... with her." Holly J instructed Declan. "While I go downstairs and throw away all the alchohol in this house."

"That is a lot of alchohol that you're wasting throwing away that money!" Fiona insisted. Holly J stopped at the doorway and stared at her.

"Check yourself, sweetie. You got it a bit mixed up." she said before leaving.

Declan looked at Fiona who was still leaning against the counter.

"Didn't we _tell _you not to drink again, Fiona? You can't control yourself when you drink and then you sta-" Declan stopped when Fiona interuptted him.  
"Ellie is your daughter." Fiona said, pointing to Declan. She said it like a question.

"True... good job, Fiona." Declan said sarcastically.

"I am not. Do not tell me what to do." All of her words were a drunken slurr. Declan just stared at her.

"I want to help, Fiona." Why don't you go to sleep... and when you wake up tommorow-"  
"I'll have a hangover." Fiona interuptted.

"And you won't be drunk anymore." Declan said, "What happened to your hand?"  
"The mirror.''

"What?"  
"The mirror cut me."  
Declan got a bandaid and some neosporin. "Go to sleep." he said cleaning the blood away from her hand and arm and placing the bandaid on her hand.

She stared down at the bandaid.

"Where are the SpongeBob bandaids?" she asked.  
"What?"  
"Ellie's SpongeBob bandaids."  
"Would you rather have a SpongeBob one?" Declan asked quietly.

Fiona nodded. "Yes." she said seriously.

Declan took off the other bandage and gave her a SpongeBob one where she put on her arm instead of her hand. When she tried to take it off it hurt, so Declan gave her another one and put it on himself.  
He led her to the bed and sat her down. She threw up again, but the trashcan was still there, so there wasn't a mess. Declan left it by her side of the bed.  
"Go sleep with Holly J. I can sleep by myself." Fiona said.

"If you get scared then tell me, Fi... I'll be in your room with Holly J."  
"Ok." Fiona said, she gave him a loose hug and collapsed in the bed laughing. Thirty minutes later, Declan went back in to talk to her and she was still awake... he waited with her until she fell asleep this time.


	107. Chapter 107

**-Some of you were wondering if Fiona is pregnant... well... I dunno. Do **_**you **_**want her to be? Write back in the reviews... and then well... well I'll write it.-**

She woke up screaming and crying... and alone. "Declan?" she whispered. She sat up... barely remembering what had happened the night before... but the headache helped her. Then her body stung everytime she moved and she looked down to see her skin red... from the water, she remembered. And her hand... from the mirror.  
"I'm s-so stupid..." she muttered she realized her voice was wobbly... because she was scared from the nightmare.

She looked at the clock to see it was still night... she slowly crawled out of bed and into her room to see Declan... but not Holly J... who must have went to sleep downstairs. She layed down beside him, taking his hand. She didn't know why he wasn't with her in the first place... she couldn't remember. She hoped he wasn't mad at her. She just couldn't remember. She had probably acted dumb and made him angry.

He opened his eyes and saw her and put his arm around her, closing his eyes again... even though he was half asleep, Fiona asumed that this meant he wasn't angry.

When Declan woke up Fiona was with him... sleeping. Crying too. He hoped he haden't scared her last night, or made her feel bad. He just wanted her to... well, to _not drink_. She drank too much when she did. He didn't want her to get hurt. Her skin was completely red... Holly J had said that she _burnt _herself with hot water... on purpose. That disturbed him... it was better to know that she was drunk when she did though... not thinking right.

He moved his hand onto her arm over the biggest scar. He didn't like seeing scars on her... he liked covering them up. When he touched her arm though, she flinched and cried out, sitting straight up in the bed, crying.

Declan stared at her and held out his hand, which she took in her own. "I-it was a nightma-mare." she whispered.

"I know." Declan said, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sorry." Fiona said.  
"For what?"  
"For getting dr-drunk."  
"Well... it isn't a good thing..." Declan began, "But if I was you right now... I would probably be drinking too... but you're stronger than me... we both know that, so you shouldn't have to drink... you can hold up with out it."

Fiona smiled. "I love you, Decs." she said, "And... thanks... I mean... I know it must be annoying... _I _must be annoying... but you've always made me feel better, and sa-" before she could say the word 'safe' she hugged Declan and started crying.

"You're not annoying." Declan said, as if that was the most rediculas things in the world. "You need to understand yourself, Fi." he began, "You went through something tramatic. You were in an _abusive relationship_, you were _raped_."

Fiona looked up at him. "I...I _know_." she said quietly. What was Declan trying to say?

"So stop pretending like you're doing something wrong. PTSD... remember, that's part of healing."  
Fiona blinked, "Post Tramatic Stress Disorder... yeah." she said quietly. Then she smiled a little. "That sounds like a terrible disease."

Declan put his hand on her shoulder. "It isn't though... it's something that people get after tramatic stress."

"Post tramatic stress disorder means that?" Fiona asked sarcastically. "No way."

"But you're not weird... or anything like that. Everyone who that kind of stuff happens to has it."  
"But everyone else probably doesn't have it like I do... it turns me into an alchoholic bitch."

Declan rolled his eyes at her. "What in the world are you talking about? It makes everyone sad... and a lot of them do turn to drugs and alchohol."all

"I want to go home."  
"Which one?" Declan asked, lightly smiling, his head clicking through each place they'd lived.

"None of them... I just want to... time travel."  
"I'm afraid we can't time travel, Fi."

"I'm afraid of that too." Fiona said.

"You like wheat thins?" Declan asked.

"You know I like wheat thins." Fiona said... wondering why there was a sudden turn in the conversation.

"Do you want some?"  
"Not now."  
"You don't ever eat anymore." Declan said.

"I do too."  
"Not as much as you should."  
"I'll eat wheat thins later." Fiona said yawning.

"Make sure you do."

Fiona layed back down.

"It's daylight." Declan said.  
"I'm still tired."  
"Alright... then sleep." Declan said, taking her hand.

"That's the plan."  
"Alright, Fi." Declan said, smiling. He noticed that some of her answers were sarcastic... she was being her regular sarcastic self. Again. Finally. Everyonce in awhile she'd get really happy... act normal, or start acting worse than before. He leaned down and gave her a hug. He stayed with her for a few minutes until she fell asleep. Then he went to Ellie's room, finding that she was already up and playing with the stuffed animals in her bed. Holly J was still asleep... so he played with Ellie and the stuffed animals. Then the doorbell rang... and it was Logan.

"She's upstairs." Declan said, "In my room... but yesterday... well, yesterday she had a few drinks, and she burnt herself with hot water, and cut herself with a mirror."  
Logan stood back while Declan rambled off a list all the things that Fiona had done since he left. Logan went upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed. He wished he didn't scare her. He didn't mean to... but really, it wasn't his fault. Bobby had hurt her... and she asumed that everyone else would too.

She stirred in her sleep and Logan brushed her hair out of her face. He didn't intend on making her wake up, but she did.  
"Fiona... hey." Logan said, seeing her eyes open.  
"Good morning." she said quietly.

"Morning? It's nearly one." Logan said smiling at her. A small smile tugged at the sides of her mouth... but Logan couldn't tell if it was fake or real. "How was Judith?" Logan asked.

At first Fiona didn't know who he was talking about, but then she remembered. "Oh.. yeah, Judith. It was alright."

"Just curious..." Logan began, "Are you still scared of me?"

"I'm not scared of you." Fiona said, rolling her eyes. "Afterall, you're right. I know you."

Logan almost said 'you knew Bobby too' automatically, but he quickly stopped himself. He tried not to talk about Bobby, unless Fiona did.

"I'm glad." Logan said. "Glad that you trust me."  
"Yeah... me too." Fiona whispered.

Ellie came in with her cup. "I want oran'ange juice." she told Fiona.

Fiona smiled at her.

"_What_ did she say?" Logan asked.

"She wants orange juice." Fiona explained, taking the cup.

"How did you understand that?"  
"I dunno... I just do."

"I can never understand babies... well sometimes I can, but not very-" Logan stopped when Ellie interuptted.

"_Please _get oran'ange juice, aunt Fshiona" she said quietly, starring up at Fiona.

Fiona smiled at Ellie, she loved how Ellie said her name. She couldn't always pronounce the F sound very well.

"Of course, Ellie." Fiona said, getting off of the bed and taking Ellie by the hand.

"We're off to get some orange juice, some nice orange juice with pulp... orange juice, orange juice, orange juice, oh orange juice!" Fiona began singing to Ellie in the tune of We're Off to See the Wizard from The Wizard of Oz. It made Logan smile... but not as much as it made Ellie smile and laugh. "You fshunny aun' Fshiona!" she giggled, clapping her hands.

Fiona covered her mouth, "I am?" she asked, as if she was surprised.

Ellie covered her mouth too, imitating her aunt, which made Fiona smile again as they walked down the stairs.


	108. Chapter 108

Fiona put Ellie's Sesame Street cup on the counter while she filled it up with orange juice. She put the orange juice back in the refridgerator. And handed it to Ellie. "Here you go." she said with a smile.

"Than' you fshor the OJ aunt Fshiona." Ellie said taking a big drink from it.

"The OJ, huh?" Fiona asked with a smile.

Ellie ran away and came back with one of her stuffed animals, the duck that Holly J had gotten her for Easter. "Here you go." she said, thrusting the duck at Fiona.

"Thank you, Ellie." Fiona said, taking the duck.

She walked upstairs and back to Declan's room and sat beside Logan. "Sorry." she said, "Holly J and Declan need a break once in awhile, we let Ellie choose who takes care of her."

Ellie came crawling up the stairs behind Fiona.

"I want to 'pway' 'incoln logs." Ellie stated.

"How about a nap instead?" Fiona asked.

"No."

"Then go get the Lincoln Logs." Fiona sighed.

Ellie smiled and headed out of the room. She came back with 'Legos' instead of Lincoln logs.

Fiona positioned herself on the floor, building tiny towers just for Ellie to knock them down so she'd start over.

"Let me play." Logan said, as if he was in the second grade. He began building a hollow building with. They had a lot of legos... because Anya had a lot that she gave them... and Holly J already had tons too. He made one wall shorter than the others and when he was done it was about three feet tall.

"I made this for you, Ellie." he said, standing up and placing the last few legos in a certain order. He leaned it between the wall and some stacked books, so Ellie couldn't knock it over. She loved it. It was just big enough for her to stand in, but she loved it all the same.

While Ellie was playing in her lego castle, Logan took out his camera. "I want a picture of you, Fi. An updated picture of how you look right now... not how you looked years ago... and I want it to be a _happy_ picture... and maybe one of you and me."

"Ok." Fiona said, she smiled, and Logan snapped it.

"It doesn't look natural." Logan said, "Oh well, that's ok. It'll do." he said, turning the camera off.

Fiona knelt down and added to the lego castle she smiled at Ellie and Logan snapped the picture. "That is a natural smile." he said.

Fiona reached for Logan's camera and saw the picture, which made her smile again.

She handed the camera back to Logan who handed it to Ellie.

"Press that button." he said, pointing to it.

Ellie seemed fastenated by the camera. Logan sat beside Fiona and smiled until he saw a flash.

Ellie had pressed tons of buttons until she had gotten it. The top of Logan's head was gone... she haden't centered it, and it was in sepia... somehow, and the date on it was wrong, but it was still good.

"She's going to be a photographer when she grows up." Logan said. "I can tell."  
Fiona smiled and leaned against the wall.

"I feel good right now." she said.  
"That's good."

"Yeah, it is."  
"When was the last time you felt good?"  
"I can't remember."  
"Someday... are we going to have kids?" Logan asked, looking her in the eye.

Fiona shrugged, "Sure." she said quietly.

"I'm asking you... it's not an order." Logan said.

"I know." Fiona said.

"Why are you so gloomy."  
"I want kids."  
"I do too."  
"I don't want to..." Fiona stopped and looked up, "I don't want to _have sex_."

"There's other ways to have children with out sex."  
"You're going to want sex."  
"How do you know?"

"Every guy wants sex."  
"I'm not every guy though. I'm Logan."

"You are _a _guy though."

"Fiona... we've been over this, we don't need to have sex. Actually, I don't ever even _want _to have sex with you." Logan said... it was a total lie... but he didn't have to let her know that he wanted to have sex with her... and he wouldn't have sex... if she didn't want to. And it was very clear that she didn't want to. She put more legos on the tower. They were both quiet for a few minutes, silently playing with the legos before Fiona spoke.

"What would you do if Bobby would have gotten me pregnant?" Fiona asked.

"I would help you... and be the baby's _real _daddy, not just the baby's sperm-donar."

"Oh." Fiona said.

"Why?"

"Just wondering."  
"Oh." Logan said quietly. They were silent for a few more seconds before Logan's phone rang.

"I have to go to my house... are you ok here?" he asked.

"Yeah... I'll be fine." Fiona said.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah."

After Logan left Fiona sat playing legos with Ellie until Declan got home.

"We need to go to the doctor." Fiona stated as soon as he got in the door.

"What? Why? Is something wrong with Ellie?" Declan asked, his voice panniced.

"No... nothing's wrong with Ellie. I should have said _I _need to go to the doctor."  
"Why?"  
"Just take me there, Decs. Please." Fiona said in a rushed voice.

"Ok... Fi." Declan said. He went back outside. "Fiona wants to go to the doctor's so... if you want you can come or stay with Ellie, either way."  
"I'll stay with Ellie." Holly J said, "Unless Fiona wants me to come with her."  
"Do you want Holly J to come with you?"  
"No... and just drop me off, don't come in or anything." Fiona said quietly.

"Why not?"  
"Just don't."  
"Ok."

He drove her to the doctor and she went inside the office, leaving him in the parking lot. He stayed in the car listening to the radio.

"Fiona, what a pleasure it is to see you again." the doctor began "What can I do for you today?"  
"Am I pregnant?" Fiona asked.  
"Last I checked no... have you been sexually active again?"  
Fiona rolled her eyes at the words 'sexually active'. They were disgusting words.

"No... but just make sure... please." Fiona said.

"Alright... you know the drill then."

After he examaned her he shook his head. "You're not pregnant."

"But he..." Fiona stopped, "He raped me... ten... fifteen times..." she whispered.

"When he would beat you, would he beat your abdomen?" the doctor asked.

"Sometimes." Fiona whispered, starting to see what the doctor was talking about.

"That may have caused infertility." he told her, taking her hand. She tugged it away.

"That's ok... I don't want children anyway." she said, searching through her purse and grabbing random bills, "Here." she handed him her money and rushed out. She remembered that sometimes Bobby would kick her in the stomach, or punch her... she remembered that he'd doit sometimes saying _"Remember yesterday? Well... if there's anything in there... it's not there now."_

So now if she ever tried to get pregnant... she probably couldn't... she'd have to have sex... more than once... more than twice, or three times... and even then, she would probably not be pregnant... but at least she didn't have a baby that belonged to Bobby too... she would never get an abortion, she decided, and giving a baby up for adoption would be terrible, she would always wonder about her baby... and keeping it... keeping a baby from _Bobby_ would be equally as bad. She was thankful she didn't have to worry about that... she hoped that she would be able to have children some day...

She walked outside and sat in the passenger's seat of their car.

"What was that about?" Declan asked.

Fiona glanced at him, just long enough for him to see her tear stained face. "Nothing." she said.

"Are you ok?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, Declan." Fiona said.

"If something's wrong, promise me you'll tell me."  
"I promise."  
"Ok..." Declan said, he leaned over the seat and gave her a hug. "I can tell that something's wrong." he whispered into her ear.  
"I don't know..." Fiona began, starting to weep loudly, "If I'll ever be able to g-get pregnant."  
Declan looked into her eyes. "Why not?"  
"Because... when B-Bobby kicked m-me in the stomach... he made me infertile."she whispered.

"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."  
"You'll get pregnant somehow though... if you want to be."

"Bobby sucks." Fiona whispered.

"I know."

"I hate him. You don't even know how much I hate him." Fiona whispered.

"I think I do, Fi. He beat on my sister... he raped you... Why would I not hate him?"  
"He took away _everything_." Fiona said.

"It can get better. I know it's going to. You wouldn't want a baby right now anyway..." Declan said, knowing he was right, because she was afraid of sex.

"I just want a baby someday, though. I'm going to have to try over and over again, I don't even want to try once, but I was going to, to try and get a baby but now I'm going to have to do it over and over and I don't want to!" Fiona said.

"Well... don't worry about it... later it can change... but if you don't even want one now then don't worry."

"But..."  
"Listen, Fiona," Declan began. "People who have fertility problems can still have babies."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise, Fi."

They drove home in silence. Fiona had a flashback about Bobby.

_"Are you going to tell your brother?" Bobby asked, his grip tight on her upper arms.  
"No." Fiona whispered._

_"Or what about your little friend?" he asked, putting his shirt back on.  
"No... I won't." Fiona whispered._

_"You're beautiful, Fifi." Bobby said, hugging her. "Do you think you're beautiful?" Bobby asked, staring at her._

_She returned his stare, wondering what she should answer... or what he _wanted _her to answer. _

_"No." she answered quietly. _

_"Maybe you should build up your self esteem!" he said with a laugh, punching her in the shoulder... it was meant to be a playful punch... she thought, but it made her flinch._

_"Yes then." Fiona said._

_"Stop being a self-loving whore." he told her, kissing her. He had his arms wrapped around her so tight that it was hard for her to breath._

_"Ok... Bobby, stop." she said. Surprisingly, he stopped._

_"I'm sorry... it's hard for me to not be violent... especially with someone as beautiful as you."  
"I don't ever want to have sex with you again Bobby. I told you that, after the first time, and after the second time, and after the third time, and you didn't listen." tears sprung to her eyes._

_"I'm sorry, I thought you were just kidding."  
"When I'm crying... you had to know that I meant it. I told you... over and over."  
"It won't happen again, Fifi." Bobby said, his grip tightening on her arms again._

_"You know what, Bobby no... I'm going home. I told you again today... before it happened and you called me a bad name, and hit me and told me to shut up."_

_"No... you're crazy, Fiona." Bobby said, pushing her down onto the couch and sitting incredibally close to her._

_He ran his hand up her leg and back down, then up again, leaving it there. He kissed her neck. "We're fine now... stop making things up." he whispered, starting to kiss her again._

_"I'm not." she whispered back, so quietly that only she could hear. _

_She stayed there with him while he touched her and kissed her until he was done. She quickly jumped up buttoning her shirt that he had halfway unbuttoned. _

_"Where are you going? I thought we could watch a movie."  
"I-I've got to get home... and... help Holly J."_

_"Ok... I'll meet you here tommorow at the same time, ok?"  
"Yeah."  
"Yeah?" Bobby asked.  
"Yes, Bobby."_

_"Ok... bye Fifi... I love you."_

_Fiona tried to rush out the door but Bobby caught her by the arm, slamming her against the wall.  
"I love you too... Bobby."_

_"Ok... goodbye."  
"Bye."_

Fiona turned to Declan as they turned down the street. "Ellie calls orange juice OJ." she told him.

"She does?" he asked in an amused voice.

"Yep."

"Like you."  
"Yep."

They were both silent until Fiona spoke again. "She asks me why I'm crying sometimes. She's very smart."  
"What did you tell her?" Declan asked.

"I told her I was sad."

"Then what happened?"  
Fiona smiled, "She gave me her cup, and asked me for some OJ."


	109. Just A Stupid Author's Note

Ok... so I don't have a new chapter up yet! I'm very sorry for the disapointment you may be feeling. I hate it when I think there's a new chapter to a story I'm reading and it's just an author's note. Anyway, I'm having internet problems and it won't let me save anything that's very long and so it might be a few days before the next chapter! I'm sorry! Like seriously, I'm really sorry! But I'm trying to figure the problem out... as soon as possible

My apologies,

~Me


	110. Chapter 109

-**Still not the best internet system... but I am getting a chapter in... so, there ya go... now it'll let me save stuff, but the internet won't always work. :( My computer is like the ones from the 80's. Not very good. Oh well, I 3 at school I have to write a story and it's about very much more happy things than abusive relationships and rape... so I was kind of stuck in a hole with this story during some of his chapter-**

When Declan and Fiona came home Fiona was very, _very _tired... so Declan led her to the couch so she could sleep... Ellie was taking a nap there too, so they slept together. When Fiona had fallen asleep Holly J turned to Declan. "What was _that _about?" she asked.

"What was what about?"  
"That emergancy doctor visit." Holly J answered.

"Oh... well... I don't know if she was going to tell you or not... so don't tell her I told you..." Declan began, "But when Bobby would abuse her... sometimes he'd kick her stomach... or punch it, slam her into things... you know... and the doctors are pretty sure that made her infertile."

"As in... she can't get pregnant?" Holly J asked.

"What other kind of 'infertile' is there, J?" Declan asked, exasperation showing through his voice.

"Well, I'm sorry... it's just... that's a big thing."

"I know." Declan said, glancing at his sister. His eyes dwelled on her for a few seconds before he turned back to Holly J. "I hate Bobby." he said, "He took _everything _away from her...he hit her... for no reason, he raped her! I don't understand!" Declan yelled, "How and why would he make her do that? Why would he hit her, and punch her and shove her?.. Burn her with an iron? Why would he..." Declan stopped when he felt Holly J's hand on his arm.  
"I don't know... Declan." she said, "Stop dwelling on it. Fiona can't heal if you can't. Try and let it go, and maybe she will too."

"How in the world could I do that?" Declan asked, his voice quieting.

"Don't let it get to you... I mean, I'm not a Bobby fan or anything... but I don't sit in a closet all day thinking about how much I hate him."

"I'm not in a closet." Declan said quietly.

"Well, yeah, you aren't... but that's what it's like. That's the only thing you ever talk about now." Holly J said, "Every time you take a breath in you think about how much you hate him."  
"He hurt my sister."

"No kidding?" Holly J asked, her voice ringing with sarcasm.

Declan walked over and sat on the floor beside the couch, he took Fiona's hand and rolled up her sleeve.

"Look at this, Holly J." he said.

Holly J followed him and looked at Fiona's arm.

"So?" she asked.

"How can we forget about it if there's scars everywhere to remind us?" his finger traced the scar from where she had sliced her wrist as he said this.

Holly J stared at the burn marks and scars on Fiona's arms. "It's normal for her now, to have those I mean. We can't erase it completely." she said finally, "We can only try to make the best of what we have."

"So if your cat dies you still play with it and pretend like it isn't dead?" Declan asked.

"No..." Holly J said rolling her eyes, "Look... Fiona's not dead... she's alive... she's... she's broken but not dead."

"_Broken_..." Declan echoed. "What does _broken _mean?"

"She's hurt, Declan. It's not easy to get over abuse... or rape... right now she's hurting a lot... _still_."

"Yes, but what does _broken _mean?"

"That's what broken means."

"Fiona is not broken."

"It's a metaphor, Declan..." Holly J began but Declan turned away, "I need to take a nap... if Fiona has a nightmare you can wake me up." he said.

"Declan, it wasn't supposed to mean she's dumb, or weak, it was supposed to mean that she needs help..." Holly J said, but Declan kept walking.

Holly J realized that it wasn't just Fiona this was affecting, it was all of them... Declan more than her though.

He went up to his room and got online maybe just maybe there was some secret way to help Fiona that he haden't seen before... he searched 'how to help a rape victem.' The same things he'd already seen came up. Listen to her, believe her, let her talk about it, make her feel safe... he'd already done all that... he thought. Time healed everything, it said... how much time was it talking about, because Fiona still tensed up when he said Bobby's name... he knew that because of the day before. She was leaning against him and he asked her something... he couldn't remember, but it was about Bobby... her whole body had froze. She still flinched when someone lifted their hand. She was just so used to being hit... He decided to take a nap, and when he woke up he'd ask Fiona if she wanted to talk.

_"I want to take you somewhere... somewhere fun." Bobby told her, his car pulled up beside her. _

_Fiona turned around on the side walk staring at him, her eyes filled with fear and hurt._

_"I got a bit carried away, I know... but I changed... I'll change for you... I've aranged it all so well... just in the car." Bobby said, "I promise."_

_Fiona took a deep breath and slowly got into the truck. Bobby acted nice for once and Fiona had started to have a good time... for awhile, they got out at a cemetary. It was late at night, so no one was there... except maybe some drunk teenagers. "What are we doing here?" Fiona asked beginning to get nervous._

_"Just hanging out."  
Fiona looked around. "You aren't supposed to be in cemetaries at night... it's the law."  
"So? I'm a Beckonridge. I can do what I want."_

_"But..." Fiona stopped when Bobby stared at her long and hard. She didn't want to make him mad... it was actually one of the last things she wanted._

_They stayed there doing absolutely nothing until Bobby started kissing her... which she accepted at first... but he started pushing her harder and harder until she was leaned up agaist an above ground tomb, he slammed her into it hard, which made her wince in pain, but Bobby didn't seem to notice, he kept kissing until Fiona pushed him away. "Bobby... stop, you hurt me..." she said, the unspoken word "again" hung in the air._

_Bobby muttered an apology before starting to kiss her again._

_"No... stop, I don't want to do this anymore." she said whispering._

_"Fifi..." Bobby began, holding her close to him and beginning to suck on her neck._

_"Bobby, I _said _no." she whispered in a fearful voice. She started to walk away but he grabbed her arm, pushing her up against the tomb again. She winced again from the pain rocketing through her body, but she quickly tried to get herself back up but he grabbed her by the arm and shook her. _

_"I can't believe you!" he said. He pushed her against the wall again before dragging her back to the truck and driving her home. She walked through the door, dirt on her face, tearstains down her cheeks. Declan was out with Holly J... but she was happy... because Bobby was angry with her... maybe he would never want to see her again... maybe that was it. Maybe he'd never hurt her again. _

Fiona awoke from her sleep... that flashback... it had been almost happy at the time, but it made her cry hard now, knowing that that was by no means the end, or anything close to it, that was more of the beginning. She saw that Ellie had woken up and he ran away and there was a note on the table that said that Holly J had taken her to the park. She walked upstairs slowly and entered Declan's room. He was just beginning to get in bed when he saw Fiona.

"Hey, Fi." he said quietly.

"Hello."

"Did you have another nightmare?" Declan asked.

"How did you know?" Fiona asked in a whisper.

"You've been crying... I can tell."

Fiona sat beside him on the bed and hugged him.

He returned her hug and he could tell by the way the silence lingered that she was having flashbacks... and thinking about Bobby.

All at once her body heaved with sobbs as she cried into her shoulder.

"Fiona... you're ok... what's are you thinking about?" Declan asked.

"B-Bobby and..." she exploded into tears and Declan held her close to him, combing her hair with his fingers and patting her back, hoping to make her feel better.

"I-I'm still s-scared." she whispered, "I know it's s-stupid but I'm still sc-scared."

"It's not stupid, Fiona." Declan said, "It's perfectly reasonable... what happened to you is really scary... it's not stupid."  
"I-it isn't?"  
"No... Fi, it isn't. I wouldn't lie to you." he said, hugging her tighter.

"Thanks Decs." she said giving him a hug equally as tight as the one he had given her.

"But I'll always protect you, I won't let Bobby, or anyone else hurt you." Declan said, wiping away some of her tears.

She gave him a small smile.


	111. Chapter 110

-**I'm trying to get at least one chapter in every three days... and today was the only day I could write, because I was busy yesterday, and tommorow I have to film for a school project so... enjoy! Also in case you were wondering, the project is that we're trying to find... **_**witches **_**in the woods behind my house. It's for social studies. I don't know what it has to do with social studies but going on a **_**witch hunt**_** is fun. Also, sorry that this is so short! I don't have time anymore, and when I do have time, my internet won't work!-**

Sometimes she wanted to end it. Like when Declan told her the same things she'd already heard, and when Holly J repeted the same thing Declan said... when no one could say anything to comfort her. Sometimes she just felt bad. Usually those were the days when she had a lot of flashbacks... or when someone asked her about it. Usually, no one would talk about Bobby, unless she talked about him first, and even then they wouldn't talk much about him. No... Declan usually would. He'd talk to her about anything. But the point was, sometimes someone would work up the nerve to ask her about Bobby. She'd even answer them. Very vaguely though. Afterwards she'd feel bad and think about it. She wished people would stop asking her about it. Anya would ask her about it sometimes. She'd be nice about it, of course. And she didn't ask just to ask, she really wanted to know. And she didn't ask about specific things either, mostly she asked her if she was ok and how she was feeling. But Mrs. Coyne, her mother on the other hand would ask her very personal questions. Things that she only felt comfortable talking to Declan about. Her mother would call her almost everyday with a new list of questions.

"Hello Declan, can I talk to your sister?" Mrs. Coyne asked.  
"Yeah, mom, one second."Declan said, handing the phone off to Fiona.

"Hello, mom?"  
"Hi Fiona, how are you doing?"

"I'm good... how about you?" Fiona asked quietly.  
"Oh, don't worry about me... Declan told me that you had nightmares."  
"Yeah." Fiona answered.

"Did you have one tonight?"  
"I always have them." Fiona said, rolling her eyes.  
"What are they about?"  
"Bobby."

"Did you dream about rape?" Mrs. Coyne asked like it was an everyday question.

"Mom..." Fiona began but her voice was caught in her throat.

She could hear her mother's quiet breathing on the other line.

"Mom, that..." she stopped, "Yes, I did, mom." She glanced at Declan who was staring at her but soon Holly J came in and Declan started apologizing to her for something. She couldn't hear them, because they were whispering. She wondered what he was apologizing for.

"What happened in it?"

"No... Mom I don't want to talk about it." Fiona said beginning to get annoyed at her mother.

"Talking will make it better."  
"Mom, it's kind of personal." she whispered.

"I know... but I'm your mother, I want to talk to you about it, I'm here for you."

"Declan's here for me... and he's _actually_ here, he's been helping me and I'm fine." Fiona said.

"Oh Fiona don't talk like that. I'm _actually _here too... just far away."

Fiona sighed, "Mom, that doesn't make any sense. What I'm saying is that I don't _need _you to..." her voice broke, "To talk to me about Bobby..."  
"But honey, why not?"

"When I feel sad I talk to Declan and he helps me... he listens. I'm fine... I _promise_."

"But honey..."  
"Mom, I've got to go." Fiona said quickly, "Bye, I love you."  
"Ok, bye." Mrs. Coyne sighed.

Fiona flipped the phone shut.

"Decs..." she began, turning around.

"Yeah, Fi?"  
"Mom keeps calling me and she's asking me about Bobby."  
"And..."

"She asks me questions... like questions that are... _personal._.. Like things that I only talk to you about."  
It made Declan feel happy to know that his sister felt so comfortable with him... even if sometimes he didn't feel as comfortable as she did when they talked about some things.

"What do you say to her?"  
"I tell her that you're helping me and that she doesn't need to worry about it."

"She just wants to make sure you're ok."

"I told her I was ok. She just wants to know about rape and abuse." Fiona said. She surprised herself when her voice didn't falter when she said 'rape' and 'abuse'.

"No, Fi. She just wants to know about _you_. You're her daughter."

"I still don't understand why that makes her think that I'd like to talk about my... my... uh... rape with her." Fiona said.

Declan put his arm around her, hugging her to his side.

"Who _do _you like to talk about it with?" he asked, wondering why she would want to talk about it with anyone.

"You..." Fiona said.

"Me?"  
"Yeah. You'll listen to what I say, even if I don't make sense you you'll help... you..." Fiona stopped, "You're just the best brother ever."  
Declan smiled at her. "And you're the best sister." he whispered.

He never really realized that Fiona might rely on him for someone to talk to.

"So... how are you really?"  
"Now... I'm fine."  
"That's good."  
"I know."  
Declan smirked at her but then turned serious again.

"Did you get much sleep last night?"  
"No."

"You can sleep now if you want... I'll be right here."  
"Ok, thanks Decs." Fiona said. That was one of the things she loved about him. He knew she didn't sleep because of nightmares, and he knew what the nightmares were about. So did her mother, of course, but her mother insisted that Fiona talk about it, while Declan only did when Fiona needed to talk.

Declan made her feel safe too. Made her feel like Bobby couldn't hurt her, even after one of her worst nightmares. He was the reason she didn't kill herself, and she'd thought about that more than once.


	112. Chapter 111

They decided to go see Judith. Actually, Judith called and asked for them all to come, and Holly J decided that they should. When they got to Judith's house, Judith said that Fiona could do whatever she wanted and that she didn't even want to talk to her today. She wanted to talk to Declan and Holly J.

"How do you feel about Bobby?" Judith asked.

Declan and Holly J stared blankly at her.

"What do you _mean_?" Declan asked.

"Fiona is your sister, and your bestfriend. What do you think about Bobby?"

They still didn't understand so Judith got out pens and paper. "Write a letter to Bobby, expressing how you feel towards him."

Holly J refused right away. "No." she said, "I don't have anything to say to him."

Judith nodded and turned to Declan who took the paper and one of the pens. He would write a letter to Bobby. It would be easy too.

While Holly J talked to Fiona and Judith got some chores done, Declan wrote.

_"Bobby,_

_I have no idea how we used to be friends, but we were. I guess our parents made us. But you, me and Fiona all used to play together when we were little, remember? It's ok, you can lie and say you don't know us or something, I know that's the kind of thing you like to do. I'm not writing this for fun, and I'm not writing this to be funny. I'm writing this because I am going to try and make a point. _

_The effects of what you did are as following. I hope you consider them._

_Fiona can't sleep without the light on anymore; she's afraid that you'll come in, and she won't be able to see you and call for help._

_She can't sleep without someone in the same room as her; that's because they'll be able to protect her from you, she thinks._

_She has nightmares that only let her sleep about three hours straight before she wakes up crying and screaming._

_If you raise your and not swat a fly she'll duck because she's afraid that you're going to hit her._

_If someone mentions your name she stiffens._

_She's always scared that you're going to do it again._

_She wants to kill herself because of you. Do you know how scary it is when your sister says she wants to be dead?_

_I usually try not to say I hate things, but Bobby, I hate you. I hate you so badly. When I said this to you, a month ago before you were found guilty you asked me why I hated you. Why do I hate you? Because you raped my sister, you hit her with a belt, you punched her, you kicked her, you seemed to do every possible thing you could to make her sad and scared. You didn't only hurt her when you did this Bobby. You hurt all of us. Me, Holly J, Ellie and Fiona. I don't know why you hurt her like you did. I have absolutely no idea why you would think it was a good idea to hurt her like that. Did you it would be funny? It's not. Someone must have picked on you when you were little. Someone must have made you hate yourself. That sucks, ok. It really sucks, but it's no excuse to beat on my sister. Sometimes she's so scared she won't leave my side. She shouldn't have to be that scared. She shouldn't have to be scared at all. But she is, because of a stupid choice that you made. You told her how sorry you were, several times. I know, she's told me every single little thing that you did to her, in detail. You can tell the cops too, say one more apology, but it won't do anything. Everyone knows that people like you care about no one but themselves. You will have to live with what you've done to her for the rest of your life. So will I, and so will she. But she will know that she could have done nothing to prevent it. I will know that I should have paid more attnetion to her when she would start crying for no reason, or I should have recongnized how hard she would cling to me every time after she would visit you. You really did terrify her. And I just thought you should know that it doesn't make you cool to hit someone and make them cry. It's especially not cool to hurt someone half your size. And it is never cool to beat on your girlfriend. Ever._

_-Declan"_

Declan put down the paper and stared at his neatly printed writing. It sounded like he was whining, he thought, but it was his actual thoughts. That is exactly how he felt towards Bobby. It was exactly how someone should feel about a man who beat up his sister. After all, Bobby was the cause for all of the problems they'd all been having recentally. He handed the paper to Judith. "Are we going to give this to him?" Declan asked.

"Does it have any threats or profound language in it?"  
"No."

"I suppose we could, if you want." Judith said, glancing over the paper then handing it back to Declan. "I can take it or you can. You pick."  
"I'll take it." Declan said.

"Alright."

They stayed and talked for a little while longer before Declan folded the paper and stuffed it in his pocket and picked up Ellie, carrying her to the car. They began driving but they went past their driveway.

"Where are we going?" Fiona asked.

Declan didn't answer her and she asked again a little nervously. "Where are we going... _Decs_?"

"To the prison." Declan said.

"_Why?_" Holly J asked.

"To talk to Bobby."

Fiona glanced at Declan but her eyes darted away quickly.

"I'm going to give this letter to Bobby." Declan said, making himself more clear. "Do you want to come in too, Fi?" he asked slowly.

Fiona's eyes widened. "No... Decs, no." she said quickly.

Declan pulled into the prison gates and found the visitor entrance parking. He got out of the car holding up one finger. "I'll be back in a second." he said.

When he got inside he went to the officer at the front desk.

"May I speak with Bobby Beckonridge?" he asked.

The woman thumbed through files and then she looked up.  
"Who are you, might I ask?"  
"Declan Coyne."  
"Ah, Fiona Coyne's... brother?"  
"Yes."

"Drop any electronic devices, weapons, or metal objects into this tray."

Declan took his phone out of his pocket and placed it in the plastic tray.

The woman asked him many more questions before she led him to a room divided in two by glass and bars. Next she went to the other side of the room, Bobby coming back behind her.

"Declan." he acknowleged.

Declan stared at him, wanting so badly to just hit him, punch him.  
"Bobby... I... Fiona's therapist had us write letters... this, take this." Declan said, struggling to keep from raising his voice. He slid the paper under the glass.

"I don't want it."

"Take it."  
Bobby silently took the letter he didn't look at it. Not even a glance.

"That's all, Bobby." Declan said.  
"Where's your sister?"

"You have no bussiness knowing."

"He's in there." Fiona said, her eyes not leaving the prison building.

"He is." Holly J said, not even having to think about who she was talking about.  
"I don't want to be here."

"He can't hurt you. He's inside. Locked up for that matter."  
"Holly J take me home." Fiona whispered, her voice cracking.

"Wait for Declan. It won't take him very long." Holly J said, trying to figure out why Fiona would be so scared. He was in _jail_. She tried to put herself in Fiona's shoes. Pretending that Bobby had hurt her the way he hurt Fiona. She realized that it would be scary, even if he was locked up.

"Come sit in the back with me and Ellie." Holly J said quietly.

Fiona crawled into the back, sitting in between Holly J and Ellie's carseat. It was crowded, but she liked it better than sitting alone in the front.

"So is that all?" Bobby asked  
"That's all." Declan said.  
"I hope you know your sister is lying." Bobby said a smirk playing his face.

"Fiona's not lying. She went to the doctor and they did all these exams."

"What did the doctors say?" Bobby asked.

"They talked about it in court. You were there." Declan said, an uncomfortable feeling growing in his stomach. What was he doing talking to his sister's rapist?

"I wasn't paying attention. If someone lies about you and takes you to court you feel like you can relax. I guess the jury was drunk."

"Stop playing with me, Bobby. You might have been able to trick Fiona into that, but not me." Declan said.

"I don't know if I'd call it 'trick' as much as 'threaten'. You know what she thought I'd do to her if she told you that I hit her?" Bobby asked

Declan gave him a long, hard stare. He admitted it, but Declan didn't care, because he already knew. Now he was just teasing h

"I told her I'd _rape_ her if she told you. Then one day I decided that she was giving too many hints to you and so I did. And you know what was the greatest thing about it? The feeling of _control_ and _power_. The best sex that I've _ever _had." Bobby said, smirking at Declan. "Well, the best few times, with the exception of her just lying there like a limp rag, and she kept crying and screaming for help. That was pretty sexy, and-"

"Stop!" Declan screamed when he could finally find his voice. "I don't want to hear about it, just read the fucking letter!"

"No, I want you to listen. You should know how good your sister is-"

Declan walked out of the room. The woman who was at the desk saw him and handed him back his belongings. He practically ran out the door. Bobby was just a terrible person. He would find a way to hurt someone no matter what. Declan wasn't as much hurt as he was disturbed. Hearing about Fiona and that... it just made him feel weird. It made him feel bad for his sister, and it made him want to _kill_ Bobby for doing that to her.

He opened the car door and closed it with a loud slam.

"What's the matter, Declan?" Holly J asked quietly.

"Bobby." Declan answered quickly, starting the car.  
"What'd he do?" Holly J questioned.  
"He kept talking, about..." Declan stopped and looked at Fiona in the rearveiw mirror. "...About things."


	113. Chapter 112

_"I told you what would happen, Fifi, and you did it anyway!" Bobby yelled, his hand clamped down tightly around her wrist._

_"I didn't tell him." she said quietly, trying to stay calm. "Why would I tell him?"  
"Because you're a little bitch!" he yelled._

_"I didn't tell him, Bobby!" Fiona whispered._

_"You're a lying little bitch!"_

_Fiona realized that Bobby had most definantally not been kidding. She had asumed that it was just a meaningless threat. Bobby hit her, and punched her... she didn't think he'd rape her... that never happened to anybody in real life. Not anybody she knew, and certainly not her. Now she realized that he was serious._

_"Bobby I didn't tell him." She said, her eyes fixed on his. Her voice was rushed, but she was trying to stay calm and keep the tears from leaving her eyes and rolling down her cheeks._

_"Stop lying to me, Fiona!" he yelled, his hand already unbuttoning her shirt._

_"I'm n-not... I'm not!" Fiona said tears streaming down her face._

_Once he had her shirt off, her body completely shut down. She felt numb and she froze. Somehow he managed to get the rest of her clothes off too. Then all she felt was pain. A lot of it. She heard a sound... screaming. It took her a few minutes to realize it was her, but for the most part, she was numb. And then, after what seemed like days, but was only really an hour or so, he was done and he threw her clothes at her and put on his own before walking upstairs. She heard a door shut and the shower turn on. For a second she didn't move. She was still numb, but then she scrambled up quickly putton on her clothes and limping out the door. She had blood running down her leg. When she got home she was relieved to find out that Declan was upstairs in his room. She went to the bathroom and tried to clean herself up, but after awhile she heard a knock on the door. _

_"Fi... you've been in there for almost two hours. I need to take a shower too you know!"_

_She turned off the water and quickly dried off and put on some long that he wouldn't be able to see the bruises through. She opened the door and tried to walk past him but he stepped in front of her. She stared up at him with half iritated half fearful look._

_"Are you alright?" he asked, his hand was now on her shoulder._

_She bit her lower lip and knodded, trying to step away from him. He blocked her again and stared straight into her eyes, searching for something, she could tell. She looked away._

_"Fiona?" _

_She looked back up at him._

_"Are you ok?" he asked.  
"Y-yes." she said, her voice was unsteady._

_"You've been kind of... distant lately." he remarked._

_She tried to step away again and this time he let her go, but he followed her into her room and sat beside her on the bed._

_"Are things ok with Bobby?" Declan asked, now he was sitting beside her, staring straight ahead._

_He heard Fiona's sharp intake of breath. He looked at her. "Are things ok?" he repeated._

_For a second she thought about just telling him everything. He could help her. He could tell her what to do... and make sure Bobby didn't hurt her again. But then she remembered why she shouldn't tell him. He'd be ashamed of her, she was supposed to be strong. _

_"Everything's perfect with Bobby." she said._

_"Then what's wrong, Sis?"_

_"Nothing's wrong."  
"I know you, and I know that something's wrong."  
"I'd tell you if something was wrong." Fiona said._

_"Then tell me what's wrong, because there obviously is something."  
"Just feeling a bit off today, Decs." she said, giving him a small smile._

_"Are you sick?" _

_"I need to sleep it off... you can go, I'll be fine."  
"Are you sure?"_

_Fiona nodded, keeping the smile plastered on her face._

_"Ok... well goodnight, Fi, I love you." He gave her a quick kiss on the side of her head._

_"Love you too, Decs."_

_He walked out the doorway, giving her one last look his shoulder when he left._

_But she didn't fall asleep. She couldn't. Every little sound she heard she thought it was Bobby._

_She couldn't believe he'd actually done it. When Declan came back in to check on her, she was still awake._

_"Can't sleep?" he asked._

_"No, I can't."  
"Want some company? We can watch a DVD or something in here."  
Fiona shrugged and Declan put a DVD in and pressed play. _

_He sat down beside Fiona getting under the covers. She snuggled closer to him. It wasn't as scary when he was there holding her._

_"You're shaking." Declan whispered._

_"It's cold." Fiona replied, which it was, she thought... but that wasn't the only reason she was trembling._

_"Tell me the truth, Fiona. Something happened... I don't know when or who was involved but something did happen."  
Fiona shook her head. "No... I just feel sick."_

_Declan sighed. Fiona could tell he didn't believe her, but he stopped asking about it._

_Eventually she did get to sleep, but with in a few hours she woke up screaming and crying._

_"Aren't you a bit too old to be having nightmares?" Declan teased but when he looked down at his sister he frowned. "Sorry, Fi. I just... tell me what's wrong."_

_"I just had a nightmare, that's all... that's it." she said, pulling herself together and wiping away her own tears._

_"I'm here for you, you know that?"_

_"I know... and thank you Decs. I love you."  
"I love you too." Declan said, puzzled. She was scaring him so badly. Her sleeve had rolled up in her sleep and a big red handprint was on her arm. He stared at it for a few seconds before he looked back at his sister's face._

_"Did someone grab you?" he asked._

_"What...? No." Fiona answered quickly, pulling her sleeve back down. _

_"I already saw it, Fi. What happened?"_

_"Bobby..." Fiona was about to confess about all but instead she said "I forgot something at his house and when he reached out for my arm to remind me about it he held on a little too tight."  
She could see the slight bit of anger in Declan's eyes._

_"That's it?" he asked.  
"It was an accident." she said, but then she quickly added, "Don't tell him I told you though... because, well... he was really embarassed about it."_

_"Oh... ok." Declan said, wondering if she was telling the truth or not... but Fiona wouldn't lie about something like that... why would she? She knew that she could tell him everything. _

Thinking back on that, Declan realized that he had been very stupid. Of course before then he haden't read up on abusive relationships and rape before... he had no reason to. Now, he realized that it was almost all of the signs of an abusive relationship. He decided that no matter what, everyone should have to know the signs of abuse, so they could recongnize it right away, and help. He wished he could help his sister... and everyone else who this was happening to. But now he was just working on helping Fiona... sitting beside her, holding her close to him the same way he did that night before he even knew what was going on; and he was thinking about what Bobby had told him. He was trying _not _to think about how Bobby had described Fiona when he would hurt her, but the words were burnt into his mind.

"How are you right now?" he asked Fiona.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Are you ok... scared, sad... I mean, how are you?"  
"Normal."  
"And normal is... a mix or scared and sad... right?"

"I guess."  
"Ok."  
"Why?" Fiona asked.

"Just want to know."  
"Why?" Fiona repeated.

"Just want to know how to help... I love you, Fiona."

"You've been really good to me, Decs... I didn't ever know you could be so caring."  
Declan put his hand on her's.

"What did you talk to Bobby about?" Fiona asked.

"He was saying... disgusting things... that's all."  
"About... _me._ Right? About... what he did to me." she whispered.

Declan sighed. "Well... yes, Fi." he said, looking at her. She had a disgusted look on her face. "I had to give him that letter... the one Judith told me to write."  
"What did you write?"  
"I told him that I hated him and why I hate him."

"Don't do that anymore."  
"Why not?"  
"Just please don't. I don't like to know that you think about me... doing that kind of thing. It's weird... and... _I_ don't even like to picture myself like that."  
"I don't like to picture you doing that either... that's not what I was doing either. I was trying to get Bobby to feel guilty. He should feel guilty for hurting you like that, Fi." he said, then he sighed, "But Bobby won't feel guilty. He doesn't know how."

"I know." Fiona said. "I could've told you that."

Declan hugged her tighter.

They were quiet for awhile before Declan spoke again.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

Fiona didn't answer.

"Are you tired?" he repeated. He looked down and saw she was asleep.


	114. Chapter 113

**-Ahhh! So many typos lately... like I write the word 'new' instead of clean for some reason. It also seems like my space bar doesn't work as well and sometimes my curser goes back to the middle of the screen very randomly. And... my computer is a piece of crap! Ok... it's not only the computer's fault... so maybe I stay up all night to watch TV and write and play internet games and only get like three hours of sleep... that's what it's like when it's not summer vacation right? I miss the summer, then I would watch Degrassi, eat, sleep and write. My four favorite things.-**

"Mom?" Fiona asked.

"Just please answer at least a few of my questions, Fiona."

"I don't _want _to, mom." Fiona said.

Declan, who was sitting beside her motioned for the phone.  
"One sec, mom. Talk to Declan." she said, practically throwing the phone at Declan.

He got up and walked to the other room.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Declan?"  
"Will you _please _stop asking Fiona about Bobby?"  
"She's my daughter, I deserve to know."  
"I don't like to see her like that, mom."

"Like what?"  
"When she talks about it, it brings back memories... I don't like to put her through all that again... you shouldn't either."  
"It's just talking. Talking is good."  
"No if she doesn't want to. You only talk to her if she wants to talk. You don't ever bring it up unless she does, or if you can tell that she wants to. You don't even say Bobby's name."

There was only the quiet fizzing of the phone, so Declan started again.

"I've researched it... a lot. You have to let her heal at her own pace. And under no circumstances can you joke about it. I know you like to joke about everything mom, but rape and abuse is not funny and-"  
"You think I'd joke about that?" Mrs. Coyne asked.  
"You joke about everything. Even if you haven't joked about it... you don't take it seriously."  
"I don't take it seriously? Declan..."  
"You have to understand that if Fiona doesn't want to talk, you shouldn't make her talk."  
He could hear his mother talk to someone in the background.

"Sorry, hun, I have to go but I'll call back, ok?"  
"Ok, mom. Love you."  
"Love you too, tell your sister that I love her, bye."

Declan closed the phone and walked back to the living room.

"She had to go. Meeting or something."  
Fiona nodded to show that she understood.

"When's Holly J coming back?"  
"Few weeks or so... it depends. She's just got to tour the college and stuff. Then on the way back she's got to pick up Ellie."  
"So it's just you and me."  
"Yeah."  
"I still can't sleep without the lights on... or without someone with me." Fiona said quietly.

"I know." Declan said, "Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing?"  
"Because only five year olds do that."  
"And people who have been through horrible things." Declan said, putting his arm around her and hugging her to his side.

Her eyes drifted out the window. It was storming.

They sat together for a few more minutes until there was a knock on the door. Declan got up to answer it. It was Logan.

"Oh... yeah. You guys can hang out. I've got some housecleaning to do. Holly J would love to come back to a clean house." Declan said.

Logan sat beside Fiona while Declan went up the stairs.  
"I'm sorry we haven't been able to see each other very often. My mom's been keeping me busy."  
Fiona shrugged. "It's not like I was doing anything interesting."  
"Cheer up, Fiona." Logan said, brushing the hair away from her face with his hand with a small smile.  
"I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately."

Logan's smile faded. He started to put his arm around her but stopped. "May I?" he asked.

"You may." She said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I love you." Logan said, his arm now around her.

She smiled a little but it faltered. "I love you too." she said.

"Is everything ok?" Logan asked.

"You wanted kids... didn't you?"  
"Yes... but we've been over it, if you don't want sex then neither do I and-"  
"I know... Logan. You told me... but... we can't have them."  
He gave her a questioning look.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, "You can leave now if you want... but I can't."  
"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.

"When... when Bobby hit me he would bit my stomach... and the doctors say that it made me infertile."  
"Is that bad?"  
"You wanted kids..." Fiona said quietly. "Aren't you angry?"  
"At you? No... I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at Bobby... I've never even really met him and I already hate him more than I've ever hated anything in my life."  
"Declan does too." Fiona said, she gave a small laugh. "Yesterday he went to the prison just to yell at him."  
"He did?"

"Yeah... and aparentaly, Bobby kept saying perverted things about me. Like teasing... he described it or something... I don't know, and Declan wrote this letter and-" she stopped looked at Logan like she was embarassed. "I'm sorry." she said.

"Why?"  
"For telling you all this. You probably don't care."  
"You think I don't care?" Logan asked, "Because I do care. More than anything I care, Fiona."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "That's very kind of you, Logan." she said quietly.

He was going to brush the hair away from her face but when he moved his hand toward her face she flinched.

"I'm sorry... Fiona... am I making you uncomfortable?"  
"No... no, you aren't... I was just..."  
"Just a habbit?" Logan asked, "Yeah... I have those kind of habbits too." he said, "Like if someone throws a football at me in P.E. I flinch... that's because I am terrible at football."  
"You're good at basketball."  
"You are too." Logan replied.

She raised her eyebrows, "I am?"  
"For a beginner... you're great."

"Thank you." Fiona whispered.

They were quiet for a few seconds before Logan laughed.

"And why are we acting like aquaintences, when we're really friends?"  
"I don't know." Fiona said.

"What do I have to do to get you to laugh?"  
She was silent so he slowly reached out for her hand. "I'm going to try and sing... like the people on Disney... that always makes the Disney princesses happy and..." he was singing to the tune of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin but now he struggled to find another word to fit with the tune. He started again, "Happy and Happy..." he sang. Fiona rolled her eyes.

"You're quite the singer." she said. She wasn't one to make fun of him though, she couldn't sing either. They both knew she was just joking.

"You trust me... don't you?" Logan asked.

"Is that another line from Aladdin?"  
"That's a line from me." Logan said, staring at her. Then his phone viberated in his pocket.  
"It's my mom." he said. "Scott's probably drinking again. I don't know why she doesn't just leave, she's so stupid!" he started to get up.

"Maybe she's scared." Fiona said in a whisper.

Logan sat back down beside her and gave her a tight hug. "It's not like it was with you and Bobby... he doesn't threaten her or anything... he gets mad when he's drunk and is violent... but it isn't as bad as Bobby was."  
"That's how it started with Bobby too... and I was _still_ scared." Fiona said.

"I've told my mom what to do and she doesn't understand. With you it was different. I have to go." he said in a rushed voice. "I love you, bye!"

"Bye." Fiona whispered.

Then he was gone. As fast as that. Fiona didn't blame him though. She could tell that he was worried about his mother. He just didn't want to admit it. When Declan came back down the stairs he asked, "Where's Logan?"  
"He had to go home."  
"Oh." Declan said. They were quiet for a few seconds before Declan spoke again. "Did he piss you off or something?"  
"What? ...No..." Fiona replied.

"You're awful quiet."  
"Just... thinking."

"About...?"  
"Bobby... _stuff_."

"Bobby stuff..." Declan said, sitting beside her. "I think about Bobby stuff a lot too."

It was true. Declan did think about Bobby a lot. Like when he had sat outside Fiona's door listening to her crying, trying to build up the courage to go in, _again_ and ask her what was wrong. He knew she wouldn't tell him, and after awhile he stopped asking as much. She never told him anything. He wished he would have known how bad she was hurting then... he could tell she was hurting, he just didn't know what to say except for 'It'll be ok.'. He could never say much, because he didn't even know _what_ he was saying was going to be ok.

"Why didn't you tell me he was hurting you?" Declan asked.

"I... I did." Fiona said.

"But why not after the _first _time it happened? You know I would have helped."

"You thought I was strong... didn't you?"  
"Yes..."  
"You wouldn't have if you knew what I let Bobby do to me."

"Fi, what are you talking about?" Declan asked, taking her hand.

"He made me feel... _powerless_... you know?" Fiona asked.

"I know... but that didn't make me think any less of you, Fiona." Declan said.

"I didn't know that though." Fiona said, "And then he told me that he'd hurt me more if I told you. I didn't know how much more he could hurt me... but I didn't want to find out."

"You think I would have let that happen, Fi?"  
"I don't know what I thought."  
They were both quiet for a few seconds before Declan smiled at her and hugged her to his side. "Well, you're here now, and I'm not ever going to let you hurt again."


	115. Chapter 114

-**There's a girl named Jennifer Crecente. She was 14 and she was dating a 19 year old named Mark. He abused her physically, emotionally and verbally. When she broke up with him he stalked her and one day when she came home he was in her house. He stabbed her 66 times and she bled to death. **

**You can read more about her on **

**I learned about her in school today... because my school has this class thing about rape and abuse and how to help. It's a really good class. **

**On the Happier note... How are you? Good? I hope so! :) Also Declan's locker combo is my locker combo in here and Fiona's is my **_**gym **_**locker combo. :)-**

She screamed. Really loudly. So loudly, it woke Declan up.

"Fiona... wake up." Declan whispered, his hand on her shoulder, lightly shaking it.

She woke up and grabbed onto Declan's arm, _tight_. There were nail marks in his arm. She was crying.

Declan covered her hand with his and lightly pried her fingers away from his arm. "You're ok, Fi." he said quietly. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. He wasn't sure if she was still asleep... or awake.

"Fiona... you're alright." he whispered.

"N-no I'm not!" she protested, "Not right now."

"Yes you are... see? I've got you." He held her against him. He could feel her trembling. "I've got you, Fi." he repeted. "It was just a dream."  
"But it was a _true_ dream. It happened before. I remember it!" she said.

"But it isn't happening anymore." Declan said.

"It felt real... it was exactly he same as when it actually happened.

_ He had thrown her against the wall and bloodied her nose, busted her lip. She had a black eye and the rest of her face was bruised. Not to mention the red handprints and bruises up her arms and legs. She limped home that day and went straight to her room. She didn't come out for a few days. She tried not to let anyone in either. Declan came in a lot anyway, he knew something was wrong... he knew something was _very_ wrong. She said she was very sick, and hid under the blankets. Her nose was stuffed from crying. She told him that was part of her 'cold'._

_This was the first time Bobby had ever kept knocking her down and beat her, even when she was already down. Before she could say "Bobby, stop, please!" and he would still scream and yell at her, maybe even shake her, but he wouldn't beat her as hard. This time he would. not. stop. Not even be more gentle. It was one hundred times more painful, and she was genuinely scared. She didn't even know what she had done wrong... she never knew what she'd done wrong, but she did the same thing she normally did, he was just angrier..._

_Bobby visited once. He came in and brought her some makeup that matched her skin color. Telling her that she could come out again if she used it. He sat on the edge of her bed and played with her hair, rubbed her arms like he was trying to make her feel better. He pulled out flowers from somewhere and put them on the nightstand._

_"Get well soon." he said, going along with the 'I'm sick' story._

_She didn't respond and he looked angry. She was afraid he was going to hit her again but he just walked out of the room. She could hear him laughing and joking with Declan. It made her sick. It really did. She threw up. She intended to pretend she was ill for the next few... no, forever. She didn't ever want to see Bobby again._

"It _isn't_ happening anymore, Fi." Declan said rubbing circles in her palm with his thumb.

"But he's still here. He can do it again..."  
"No... he's in jail, and even if he wasn't, you'd be fine. I'm here. Don't be afraid, there's no reason to."  
"It did happen... and I keep remembering... and it keeps hurting." Fiona whispered.

"At least you're ok... Fi. Some people aren't... some people get killed."

"Sometimes I'd rather have it that way." Fiona whispered.

"Do not even say that Fiona! Never, _ever_ say that! That's not funny! It's not cool! Do. not. say. it!" Declan said, sitting up. He opened his mouth to begin lecturing again but he noticed the fear in his sister's eyes, and she had flinched, almost curling herself into a small ball. He also noticed that his hands were now holding onto her shoulders. He didn't know when or how they got there... they weren't holding on hard, very far from it... but none the less, he had scared her.

"Fi, you know me, I would never _ever_ hurt you."

"It... it was just a reaction... automatic..."

"You don't have to do that anymore... ever." he whispered, putting his arm around her.

"When I see someone reaching out for me it scares me... it just reminds me of Bobby... it's not you, Decs. It's me."  
"No, it's Bobby." Declan said, hints of anger towards Bobby showing through his voice.

"I don't care... I just want you to know... it's not _your _fault... I'm not scared of _you_... I'm scared of..." she paused and then whispered, "_Being hurt_."

"Well... like I said. Don't worry about it anymore... you're fine now. Bobby's gone. None of that bad stuff is ever going to happen to you again."  
She didn't say anything, but she was still trembling.

"It's better than it was right after it happened... you're better, I mean."  
"Yeah... I'm better." Fiona whispered.

"I'm better too... I mean, we're in this together, you know, Fi?" Declan asked."If someone hurts you it hurts me too."

"Thanks, Decs..."  
"For what, Fi?" Declan asked quietly.  
"For saying all the stuff you say every day... it does make me feel better... you might not be able to tell, but it really does."

"I... I know you hate it when I say this... but I _have _read a lot about this... this type of thing, it helps to know all that stuff... it makes me feel better about all this. It would probably make you feel better too."  
"I don't need to read about that, Decs... I already know how it feels and everything..." she said, "I mean... it's already here, abuse part of me now."

"Abuse is part of you?" Declan asked, "What does that mean?"  
"It's just... that's what people think of when they see some girl, crying, holding a pregnancy test with bruises all over her... like the guy at the store... they think about a girl who made a lot of bad choices." she said, remembering the day Bobby broke into her house.  
"No... Fi. Abuse is _not _part of you. It happened to you, but that's not what people think about when they see you... or something that goes with you. It's not your fault that any of this happened either. You didn't _choose_ for any of this to happen. It's in no way your fault."

"It's just something stupid I said, Decs. I didn't mean anything. Don't get worked up about it." Fiona said.

"It came from somewhere. You said that for a reason."

"I don't really know that reason though." Fiona said, "You've told me over and over that it isn't my fault, I know."

Declan wondered if she really thought that, or if she was just saying it to drop the subject.

"Do you really understand what I'm saying?" he asked.

"Yes." she said, nodding.

He now was beginning to think that she was just lying, so he decided to explain it again.  
"Because you told him that you didn't like what he was doing, and that you wanted him to stop. You did whatever you could to make him stop..."  
"I know, Decs."  
"_Do you?_" he asked.

"Yes, I listen to you... and whatever you say. I promise."  
"But do you get it?"  
"Yes, I promise."  
"Ok..." Declan began, "It's two in the morning, try and go back to sleep Fiona."

She nodded and closed her eyes, rolling closer to her brother.

He remembered when none of this had ever happened before. Every year Declan and Fiona would make sure to tweek the classing system so they'd be in the same class. In seventh grade, they talked about sex and rape for the first time in school. He and Fiona had been sitting next to each other for what the teacher called a 'very educational program' that they would be 'fourtunate enough to be attending twice a week for the rest of the year!'

They didn't know what it was about until the woman came in and spoke about sex. That was the first week, and Declan and Fiona laughed through almost the whole thing... of course, because they were only thirteen years old.

The second week they talked about protection, the third they talked about abusive relationships. They didn't cover it very well though. They said it was wrong. They said a boy shouldn't hit a girl. They told the boys not to hurt their girlfriends. They told the girls to tell someone if they were getting hurt. That was it. The fourth week they taught them about rape. The definition, the different types, what to do... stuff that was entirely awkward, but still Declan and Fiona and everyone else in their grade laughed. The teacher had scolded them for laughing. Because 'rape is a very serious and hurtful thing, children; it is most definatly not a laughable thing.' That shut them up... until the class was over and the teacher had left the room. Then they taught them about what to do if one of their friends, girlfriends, or siblings told them that they got raped or abused. They could only talk about it for a day... because the teacher's father was in the hospital in Ontario.

After the class was over, Declan didn't really think about rape and abuse much again, because in all the other grades they didn't talk about it. They just talked about condemns and birth control. But even when they were just thirteen after they laughed at what the teacher had said Declan turned his seat around.  
_"You'd tell me about that, right?"_

_"About what?" Fiona asked, she'd been working on her math instead of listening to what the teacher had been talking about._

_"If..." he whispered the rest, "if someone was hurting you."  
"I'm not gonna date anyone, Decs. Why in the world would I want to do that?"  
"Someday we're gonna get older..."  
"Ew gross Declan!" Fiona said, tucking her math worksheet inside her binder._

_"But if that were to happen... seriously, would you tell me?"_

_"Sure, why not?" Fiona asked, packing up her things. "I have gym next hour and I forgot my uniform at home, can I use your's?"_

_"You're gonna have to sneak into the boy's locker room."_

_"I can have Bobby get it for me."  
"I don't want him knowing my locker combination." Declan said, now starting to pick up his own things._

_"I still have one late pass left... I'll go in when everyone else is gone."  
"Ok, remember the code?"  
"47, 35, 45." Fiona said. _

_"And your's is 27, 29, 15."_

_"Correct."_

_"Alright, I have computer skills... but I'll see you in the hall."_

_"Ok, and thanks for letting me use your uniform."_

_"Anytime, Fi."_

_It just so happened that Bobby had used a late pass that day too. Fiona went down and opened Declan's locker and started getting changed into her clothes when Bobby called from a few lockers away 'Nice 'tits'!'_

_She didn't know that he was in there... she hurried and pulled Declan's shirt over her head._

_"How long have you been here?" she asked._

_"I don't know, first of all _why _are you in here?"  
"I'm using my brother's shirt and shorts... I forgot mine."  
"I bet you're just looking for some nice boys to have a good time with."  
"Ew!" Fiona shreiked._

_"I have condemns." Bobby said, pulling out bags and bags of them._

_Fiona was puzzled. She didn't even know people in her grade _did _that. "What is wrong with you?"_

_"I don't know... but we can skip and do this." he said motioning to the condemns, "Or play _basketball _in P.E. and I _know _you _hate _P.E."_

_"We are thirteen years old." Fiona stated, "Thirteen year olds are... little kids."_

_"We can make that change."  
"I'm _never _going to have sex with you... or anyone else, you freak!" Fiona said, walking out of the locker room. Bobby mumbled something she couldn't hear. She didn't tell anyone about it... ever. Especially not now... she should have known what kind of person Bobby was from that... she should have been more careful._

_Years later... when Fiona started getting hit... and _raped_ she remembered all of this... so did Declan. Just to make sure that nothing was happening he asked Fiona, "Remember Mrs. France, the sex ed. teacher in seventh grade?"  
"Yeah." Fiona said, frantically putting make up on her face in the mirror, not facing Declan._

_"Remember how funny we thought rape and abuse was?"  
Fiona spun around. "That isn't funny though." she said._

_"I know it isn't, Fi." Declan said. "We just used to think it was funny, remember?"  
"Yeah... I remember." Fiona said. "But it isn't funny. It's scary, and painful and... it's not funny."_

_Before Declan asked her about this, he decided that if she didn't joke about it then something was going on. Now he decided that since they were both older now, they knew better and knew that rape was _indeed_ not funny._

_He tried to convince himself that nothing was happening. He decided that if something was going on, she'd tell him. Because years ago, she'd said that she'd tell him._

_When she did tell him... him and Holly J about the abuse he was _pissed._ He wanted to beat the _hell _out of Bobby. Right then and there. He also wanted to help Fiona. She acted... scared. Like he would be mad at her or something._

_Then when she told him he raped her... he didn't know what to do. He thought back to the time when they learned what to do if someone you knew was abused. He couldn't remember much of anything, so he sat down beside her and put his arm around her... and listened. When she had gone to sleep that night, he probably learned almost everything there is to know about rape and abuse. He was probably an expert. _

_And he decided that once he finnished helping Fiona, and she felt better... and stopped having nightmares, maybe he'd help other people with the same problem._


	116. Chapter 115

When Bobby would hurt her, sometimes it was like her whole body shut down and she couldn't move. Even when he told her to stand up. Sometimes it would be too painful to move much, but at other times, while it was painful, she just couldn't move. So she just sat there while he beat on her... and called her bad names and threw her around. It was weird. Kind of like when a small child gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar... they're too scared and shocked to move. She told Declan about that.

Declan was strange. Fiona could tell that sometimes some of the things... _details_ she told him grossed him out. She didn't mean to say the details all the time... but sometimes things slipped out. Sometimes she could tell that he was angry at Bobby... or feeling sorry for her. She could see every single emotion in him through his eyes, and today, she saw that he was going to try and convince her to do something.

"Fi, we have to go to the store... and I was wondering if I could drop you off at Wal-Mart and wait outside for you..."  
She hesitated, so Declan spoke again, "No one can hurt you in Wal-Mart... there's tons of people around."  
"I don't want to, Decs." she said.

Declan sighed, "I'll go in with you then."  
"I don't want to go."  
"It's either you go alone, or I go and you stay here, alone, or we both go. We need to get stuff."

"I'll go with you." Fiona whispered.

"You won't get hurt." Declan assured her, holding her hand.

When they got to Wal-Mart, Fiona walked really close to Declan, sometimes even tripping over his feet. She glanced around like she was afraid and an old man even stopped them.  
"Are you ok?" he asked Fiona.  
She just stared at him.

"She's fine." Declan quickly answered.

"Is this man bothering you?" the old man asked.

"No..." Fiona said quietly, "He's my brother."

"So you're ok?"  
"Yes." Fiona said.

The old man stared at them for a while before leaving. After he left, Fiona decided that she liked him. At first she was a bit scared of him, but he was trying to help a complete stranger... he was nice.

"Go over there and get some milk, Fi." Declan said.

She gave him a pleading look.

"_Please_, Fiona. I'll watch you the whole time, it's just over there."

Fiona shuffled her feet over and reached up on the top shelf for the milk... but she couldn't reach. She glanced over at Declan, who was facing the other way looking at bread.

She tried again to reach the carton.

Someone reached over her and got the milk then hugged her around her waist. It scared the hell out of her and she started pannicing. Whoever it was spun her around gently.

"Fiona, hey... I didn't mean to scare you." Logan said. He noticed she was still pannicing. "I didn't mean to frighten you." he repeated.

Once she had caught her breath, she gave him a little smile. "Of course not." she said, taking the milk from his hand. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."


	117. Chapter 116

**-You must understand, my dear readers, that something very **_**bad **_** is happening to me. It's called, "Oh hell no! Oh shit! I'm getting normal!" because, like, over the summer, every day, the first thing I'd do when I got up at 3 p.m. is get online, while I waited for the Degrassi marathon to start at 8. The last thing I did before I went to sleep at 7 a.m., was log off and turn off the TV. Oh gosh! It was so much fun! You see, I'd get up, be on the computer for five hours, watch Degrassi for about three hours, then I'd watch That 70's Show, (I stayed on TeenNick the whole time... so I could watch the Degrassi promos.) then, One on One would come on for about two hours, then... oh then It would be Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the stupidest show ever that could be fun if you where hyped up on enough caffine. Then I would watch Full House, which sets you in just the right mood to write a story about rape. (Sarcasm). But... the very bad thing is today... that I woke up at **_**8 a.m.**_** and babysat my cousins... and then I hung out with my **_**mom **_**and my **_**sister**_** Until about five... and then... since I woke up at **_**8 **_**I had to take a **_**nap**_**. A**_** nap**_**! But then... I just woke up at like 9 p.m. And... I realized something... School has screwed me up... It's screwed me up so badly. And all the way at **_**9**_**... I remember that "Oh my gosh! I haven't been online since **_**yesterday**_**!" and the worst part was I barely even felt the need to get online. Something very strange is happening to me. I used to have so much fun, staying up late watching TV and talking to myself as I wrote... (That's why some of my chapters are f'in awesome... because I'm crazy.) Oh, it's a funny story, but this Author's note is really long. Shall I tell you anyway? Ok... I will. I started talking to myself over the summer to freak my mom out... every night. I'd talk to me, and the Degrassi characters. Then I'd make jokes and laugh to myself about them... it as a joke. Then I started doing it automatically. Yeah. I can't **_**stop **_**now... O_O  
Also, Enjoy the chapter. :) -**

He worked now... at Wal-Mart. It was terrible. They made him restock the canned foods... a lot, and the juice... and the milk. He didn't like it, at all. But he did get to see Fiona... she didn't stay for long, they had to go home... but it was nice to see her out... and not hiding in her room, or as she sometimes did when he came over, in the _pantry_.

After work, he went to talk to Tyler.

"You haven't been at the hoops for awhile." Tyler said, sitting on his couch.  
"That's true."  
"Not meaning to be edgy, but... where _have _you been?"

"Wal-Mart."  
"Wal-Mart?"

"Yeah... I work there now."  
"That's cool."

"Not really." Logan said.  
There was an awkward silence before Tyler sighed. "How's Fiona?"  
"Same... sort of... I dunno. Better maybe. I saw her outside her house today."  
"Does she still get those nightmares?"  
"Yeah... as far as I know. I don't spend the night there very often anymore."  
"I don't know how you can spend the night there and not do it."  
"She doesn't want to." Logan stated simply.

"But you want to."  
"It doesn't matter, she doesn't."  
"I would want to."  
"You _do _want to." Logan said, playfully punching his friend in the shoulder, "You want to with every girl you see."  
"I did your mom last night." Tyler said with a grin.

Logan gave him a little punch again, laughing at his joke, but then became serious again. "She's so fucking scared of everything." he said, "It's really weird. She knew me... _before_ it happened the second time." Logan said, he haden't been told it happened more than once. "And when I came to visit her she was scared... it's like she has a short memory or something, like a dog. They'll get used to you if you walk past their yard everyday, but if you stop for a day they'll start to bark again."

"You're comparing your girlfriend to a bitch?" Tyler asked. He liked to make a joke of everything... which was good sometimes... but not good at other times.

"I don't even know if she's my girlfriend. But I hate to see her sad and jumpy. I found her at Wal-Mart today... I even said, "Hi, Fiona." and I didn't like grab her or anything, I gave her a hug from behind and she went crazy."

"You're going through a lot of work to make her not be scared aren't you?" Tyler asked.

Logan folded his hands together. "I guess."  
"She's never going to be normal... I mean, she's a really nice girl... _I _like her, she's sweet... but that Bob dude musta' got her good... I mean like really _good_. My aunt was in an abusive relationship and after like a week she was fine."  
"_Bobby_ got her good, Tyler. You wouldn't understand... at all. You have to know her... listen to some of the things she says... some of the things _he _did to her... he was like a less extreme sort of Jigsaw."  
"What?"  
"Like from Saw... he's set up little games to play... make her do things and tell her that at the end, if she did them, he wouldn't hurt her. Even if she did it all right he'd hurt her anyway."

"You're really weird." Tyler said.

"And the only people she trusts are Declan and Holly J."  
"The one with the kid?"  
"Yeah."  
"S-s-slut." Tyler said with a laugh.

"Ellie's Declan's. She isn't a slut, it was an accident." Logan said.

It was a weird feeling that Logan got when he was with Fiona, Declan, Holly J and Ellie. Like he belonged, that someone liked him maybe... like a family. It made him feel... _good_. Ever since his father died, he'd never felt good.

"Don't get so defensive. Just joking... man." Tyler said.

"Yeah... ok."  
There was an awkward silence until Logan started again.

"Do you think Fiona will ever start to trust people again?"  
"You should bring her down here to my house... tell her her brother can come too... on Wednesday at seven... everyone'll be there... almost."

"She's going to be scared of you guys."  
"That's why I said she could bring her brother."

"She'll just sit in the corner the whole time."  
"Eventually she'll see that most men aren't bad, then she'll be ok."

"I don't know..." Logan began, thinking of all the outcomes and grimacing at the ones that would end with Fiona crying... or even worse...

"Will there be alchohol at this party?" Logan asked.

"Why?"  
"She can't have it... she drinks too much when she does..."

"She sounds so damn awesome!" Tyler said, "Why the fuck do the ones you always like have crazy exes and drug addictions?"  
"It's not a drug addiction, it's alchohol, and a common, but not healthy way to deal with PTSD."  
"Do I even want to know what PMSD is?"

"It's PTSD... Post Tramatic Stress Disorder."

"You sound like a doctor."


	118. Chapter 117

**-When it says that Fiona is reading ****Tuck Everlasting****, I did that because my class is reading that book... which was written in the 70's and confuses the heck out of me. Enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry I don't update as much as I used to... but... now I'm on my other schedual... my **_**school **_**schedual. And that very bad thing about waking up and doing other things besides having my face in front of a screen and sleeping has screwed my happy fun writing time up**

**Also... Dear declanl0ver13 **

**Yep, I got your PM (I like it when people use PM and say **_**I love getting private messages**_** like **_**I love geting PMs**_**)**

**Did you disable your private messages? It won't let me reply, so I'll reply here, I'm pretty sure you're the only one that reads this story anyway, so it's almost like a private message. I am glad I inspired you. That makes me feel so grown up. Aha ha ha! All my ideas come off the top of my mind. Sometimes if I don't really have any good plots for a character I send them away. :) I might make something of Holly J being gone though. We'll see. The story kind of writes itself. Sometimes at night, instead of reading, if I'm not tired, I think up ideas for the next chapter in my head, Sometimes I have dreams about that part. Sometimes I wake up and say "Oh I had a really good idea!" and then I go through school and I get home and get onto the computer and go "Oh crap! What happened! What did I think up last night?" But thank you so much for reviewing. You are my most favorite. Everyone who read this from the beginning, when it was new stopped reading it. Some people who read it when I was on like chapter 60 still read it... maybe. I don't know if they just don't review or anything. Anyway, I get so bored and so I write. What will I do when I have to make this story end? Probably cry. Anyway, Enjoy the chapter... again. Thanks for reviewing. :) 3 -**

"Tyler's house?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah... my friend Tyler." Logan said. He saw the look of doubt on Fiona's face. "It could be good for you." he said.

"Maybe I just don't feel like it... Logan." Fiona said.

Logan had no intentions of giving up. "You can bring Declan."

"I don't want to go at all."  
"I'll be there... so will most of my other friends... they know what happened... and they know what to and what not to say... I gave them rules."

"Declan can come too?" Fiona asked.

"Of course." Logan answered.  
"I can go where?" Declan asked, coming into the room.

"To a party at one of my friend's house. Tyler's."

"When?"  
"Tommorow at about seven."  
"I could do that." Declan said, glancing at Fiona. "But I have a growing feeling that Fi might not want to go."

"I don't." Fiona said.

"But it really would be good for you." Logan put in.  
"I agree." Declan said, "But if you really don't want to go, we could sit at home and never ever speak to any humans again."

The way he said it made it sound like that was the worst thing in the world. To Fiona it sounded peaceful and practical. But she wanted him to be happy... and proud of her. "Fine." she said, "I'll go."

She didn't know how happy that would make Logan, but from the looks of him it was like this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Then Logan looked down at his watch seeing that it was time for him to go back to work. He left and Declan went on and on about how proud of her he was. And how this would be 'so good' for her. He told her that she would 'do fine'. And that she was being 'so brave'. For the first time, it came across to her that going to a party with her brother wasn't a difficult task... for normal people. It wasn't a sign of bravery for most.

"It's not that big of a deal, Decs." she stated plainly, even though she kind of thought it was.

"It is too... it is a big step up for you. You haven't talked to anyone except the people in this house and Logan since... the last time it happened."  
When he said that images flashed though her mind, but she quickly pushed them back, defending herself, "I talked to mom, and dad."  
He gave her a warm smile, "Yeah, and mom and dad." he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Love you."  
"I love you too, Declan."

His smile faltered for a second and he opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. "Have... have I been doing a good job?" he asked finally.  
"A good job?"  
"Yeah... helping you. Have I been supportive and everything?"  
"You've been very supportive, Decs." she said, giving him a hug. "In fact, it would've been so much worse if you weren't here for me."  
"If you really don't want to go to that party, you don't have to." Declan said.

'He's such a softie', Fiona thought. "No... I'm going. Like you said, it could be good for me."

"It could be... but not unless you're ready. I don't want any of those boys..." he stopped and glanced at the ground before he looked back into his sister's eyes. "I don't want any of them to hurt you."  
This crossed Fiona's mind too; lots of times, actually. They acted nice... when Logan was around of course. What if he left for a while, and Declan was off doing something... and then one of them got... got _mean_?

"I'll be with you, Declan." Fiona said, "You'll be there if I need anything."  
"Of course I will..." Declan said, "I'll always be there for you."  
"I'll always be there for you too, you know." Fiona replied.

"Oh, I know."

Later on that evening after Holly J had called and talked to them all, Fiona decided that she'd try to sleep in her own room that night. After all, she was taking other steps forward... she'd try this big one too.

She told Declan that she was going to sleep, and that he didn't need to go upstairs with her. She layed down in her bed... and tried to sleep, which was not working at all. She kept thinking about Bobby... and all the things connected with Bobby. So she got 'Tuck Everlasting' and began reading. She couldn't concentrate on it though... when she got to the part where the man in the yellow suit grabbed Winnie it reminded her of Bobby, grabbing her. She put the book down. She tried to go to sleep again. Declan came in, and she pretended like she was asleep... so he'd think she was improving. He walked over, brushed the hair from her face, turned off the lights and turned on her lamp. Then he walked out, shutting the door and walking into his own room. Once he was gone, Fiona quickly jumped up and turned on her light again and cracked open the door. She then got back into her bed and sat for a few hours... until she fell asleep for about twenty minutes, waking up in a cold sweat. She sat in the bed for a few more minutes before she decided that this was _not _going to work.

She creeped out of her room and walked into Declan's it was completly dark, so she sort of just stood there until her eyes adjusted. She didn't want to tell him that she couldn't fall asleep in her own room. Even _Ellie_ could fall asleep in her own room, and she was just a year old.

"Declan?" she whispered, "Decs?" She poked his shoulder.

"Yeah, Fi?" Declan asked, rolling over and yawning.

"I... I can't sleep, can I sl-sleep in h-here... please?"  
"Of course, Fiona." Declan said, lifting one side of the covers, gesturing for her to lay down.

She snuggled close to him. She sat for a few minutes before she spoke again.

"Declan?"  
"Yeah?"

"Can we turn on the lamp."  
"Whatever makes you feel better, Fi." was his tired answer.

"Thanks, Declan." Fiona said, flipping on the lamp. Then she rolled closer to him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked quietly.

"For waking you up, and making you sleep with the light on... and for making you share the bed with me."

"Oh Fi, it's fine." he said. He knew something had scared her, obviously. She was shaking a little... trembling. He put an arm around her. "It's fine, and you're fine."

"Yeah... _now_... _now _I'm fine."

"It'll only get better, Sis." Declan said.

"Yeah, it will."

They were both quiet for a few seconds before Declan spoke again.

"Goodnight, Fi. I love you."  
"Night, Decs, love you too."  
She fell asleep before he did... well, he fell asleep, but she kept waking him up. She was stirring a lot tonight, tossing and turning and calling out. He woke her... he almost didn't, but he did, to stop whatever nightmare she might have been having.

"Fiona, you ok?"  
She flinched when he woke her.

"Fi?" he asked again.

She wiped her eyes... "Yeah... I'm... I'm ok." she whispered.

It was another twenty minutes before she was asleep again. Declan made sure she wasn't having a nightmare before he let himself sleep.


	119. Chapter 118

-**Oh... ok! I love you guys! ...but it wasn't like a "No one reads it *cough cough* I'm going to be depressed because no one reads my fanfiction..." kind of thing. It was just a joke, and honestly, if you don't want to write a review, it's fine. I won't feel bad or anything. I mean I love reading my reviews, but if you really don't feel like writing one then... well, then don't do it! :) Thank you all for the comments. I'm glad that someone... ahem, aparentally, **_**lots **_**of people read this story. It makes me very happy, so thank you very much. Enjoy the chapter! 3 :) And I was busy for a little bit again, because I had to practice my speech for the Veteran's Day assembly at my school... bluh. It's so like... suck up ish. I didn't think my teacher would want me to read it. O_O it sounds like I'm a priss... I don't want to sound like a priss, I just wanted a good grade.- **

When he woke up in the morning Fiona was asleep beside him. _I thought she was sleeping in her own bed_, he thought. It took him awhile to faintly remember her coming into his room the previous night. He'd slept in, a lot. It was already two p.m. He had stayed up late the night before anyway, making sure Fiona was sound asleep... which was a waste, because she had just crawled right back into his bed. He wasn't mad at her or anything though. It was alright. She was just scared, and he was there to help, like he should be. He got up and started cleaning the house. He missed Holly J... and Ellie. But, soon they'd both be back, after Holly J spoke with everyone at the college, and figured out some things. When everything was absolutely spotless, he watched the television... it was on 'Noggin' the little kid's show channel. He wasn't sure if that meant Ellie was the last person who watched the TV or Fiona. Franklin was on. When he and Fiona were little, they _loved _Franklin. They didn't understand what 'Growing Little Everyday' meant though. He watched cartoons for most of the morning, and found out that it _was _amusing. Fiona woke up a few hours later.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her eyes wandering to the screen, where "Arthur" was on.

"Watching Arthur. What're you doing?"  
"Arthur?"  
"Arthur just punched D.W... in the face." Declan said, not taking his eyes away from the screen. He was _laughing._ He glanced up at her and saw her looking a bit confused.

"It's not because of the violence... it's because it... they're not good actors." Declan said, realizing what he'd just done.

"It's ok, Decs." Fiona said, smiling, "It's not like you just said 'People getting abused is great' or anything like that... and it's a cartoon anyway."

"I... I just wanted to make sure I didn't... offend you or anything." he mumbled. It was strange not knowing what to say to Fiona. He always knew what to say to her before. He could practically read her mind before.

She sat down beside him and faced him. "I know you'd never hurt me on purpose, Decs."

"I don't want to hurt you... at all, on purpose or not."

She didn't respond for a few seconds, and Declan noticed that her smile faltered... he could tell though, that it wasn't something that was happening now, that he had said, she was thinking about something else. She got this far away look when she did that.

When she finally replied she looked a little dazed. "Yeah..." she whispered, in a way that made Declan wonder if she even heard what he had said before.

"Are you alright?"  
"Yeah." she said in the same way she'd said it before, but avoided his eyes.

"Yeah?" he asked, taking her hand and giving it a little shake, in hopes for her to snap out from whatever trance she was in.

"Yeah." she answered again.  
"Fi... hey..." Declan began, lightly shaking her shoulder "Fiona..."

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up. There were tears in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"Hey, don't cry, Fi..." he said softly, putting his arms around her. She leaned against him and cried into his shirt. This would confuse any other person, but Declan had gotten used to her crying spells. They were completely normal.

"I c-can't believe I l-lost my virginity t-to h-him." she whispered.

Declan was quiet for a few seconds, trying to find out something to say to her. "Well, it wasn't what you wanted Fi, don't blame yourself... it's Bobby's fault. You told him no."  
"But it st-still happened and he was still m-my first t-time."

"You know what Fi?" Declan asked, sitting up and looking down at her.

She wiped her eyes, "Wh-what?"

"In my opinion... even before the Bobby thing happened, I always thought that if something like this happened to someone, then they're still a virgin." Declan said.

"But I'm n-not." Fiona whispered.

"You lose your virginity by having sex... that wasn't sex, Fi." Declan said, remembering something he had read on a website that listed all the differences between sex and rape.

She curled back against him, not saying anything. He wished she'd stop hurting. He didn't like to see her sad. In fact, he hated it. They sat together like that for a while before Declan looked at the clock.

"The party thing's soon." he said, "We need to get ready."

They got ready pretty quickly, and drove off to Logan's house, he was meeting them there and then taking them to the party.

Logan was already ready. They talked for a few minutes before they drove off.

When they got to Tyler's house he greeted each of them.

"Logan! Guess what? I got... _drinks_!" he said. He waited a few seconds before he yelled "Dr. Pepper!"

Logan's disapproving look turned into a 'nice joke' sort of look.

"Hey, Fiona, how've you been?" Tyler asked.

"Fine, and you?" Fiona asked politely.  
"I dunno, kinda bored and tired." he said. "And you must be Declan."

"Yes, nice to meet you." Declan said, holding out his hand.

Tyler gave it a hard shake and then he offered them all seats. Fiona sat close to Declan on the couch. A few of the other boys were there too, like Ryan and Quinn... the others must not have been able to make it.

Ryan sat next to Fiona which made her sit even closer to Declan, who put his arm around her, trying to make her feel better.  
"Aw, don't worry, we don't bite." Ryan said.

Fiona was surprised that Declan was laughing and joking with Logan and the rest of his friends. He usually didn't really socialize.

They were talking and Fiona was only half listening, so when Ryan asked, "Why so quiet?", she just stared at him... they all did.

"What?" she asked quietly, after a few seconds.

"Why are you so quiet?" Ryan repeated, "You're part of this party too... you can talk too."

She just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"She's just a bit shy." Declan said. "Fi... tell them the story about when we were in France." Declan suggested.

Everyone was staring at her, like they could see right through her.

"Excuse me, where's your washroom?" she asked quickly.

"Right down that hall and the second door on the left." Tyler answered.

"Thanks." she rushed off.

She stayed in the bathroom for almost ten minutes. She didn't want to go back. She didn't know those people. She knew Logan, and Declan, of course, but she didn't know the others.

"I'd better go check on her." Declan told the rest of the boys. "Sometimes she... well, she gets scared sometimes." Declan said, the way he said it was sort of funny, and he expected them all to laugh. None of them did. They were all very respectful about Fiona, and to Fiona. They were _nice_. She was just scared.

"You guys aren't doing anything wrong." Declan said when he got up, "She just... she doesn't trust people very easily after Bobby and... yeah. I'll be right back."

He headed down the hall and knocked on the door of the bathroom.

"Fi, what are you doing?"  
"I want to go home." she sniffled from inside.

"Can I come in?"  
"Yes."  
He opened the door to see her sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"What did they say that was wrong?" Declan asked.

"They didn't say anything, I just want to go home." She was close to tears.

"Did they look at you funny or something?"  
"_No_, Declan." she whispered, "Just _please_ take me home."

"Why, Fi? Tell me why and I will." Declan said.

"Just please take me home, I don't like it here, I don't know these people."

"That's how you meet new people."  
"I don't like it, Decs. Please."  
"Ok, Fi." Declan said sighing. Something had frightened her, and he didn't want her to feel bad.  
He took her hand and led her out into the family room where everyone else was.

"Fi's feeling sick, we've got to go home, but it was a great party, guys. I'll see you later." Declan said.

"Oh, well it was fun talking to you..." Tyler began, "Maybe you can drop by again someday."  
"Yeah, probably. See you." Declan said, walking out the door, holding Fiona's hand.

Logan was the only one who knew that Fiona wasn't just 'feeling sick'.


	120. Chapter 119

**- I won't be able to get on for awhile, partly because my computer sucks and will barely work, and partly because my brother is visiting for a week and he lives in another country regularly, so I'm gonna hang out with him. Thanks for reading and I love you guys. -**

"Wait!" Logan said, rushing after Fiona and Declan. He caught up to them and jumped in front of them.

"Declan, you stay here, I want... I want to..." he tried to catch his breath again, he'd had to sprint a few yards to catch up to them. "Declan, I know how much fun you were having, you can stay here, I'll take Fiona home, the reason I went to this party was to see her." he spoke so fast you could barely make out what he was saying.

"I'm ok ith that... if you are, Fi." Declan said.

Fiona nodded, maybe because she agreed, or maybe because she just wanted to go along with everything, to make it all easier.

Declan slowly walked back into the house and disapeared behind the door.

Logan took Fiona's hand and led her to the car.

"Did they say anything to you, while I wasn't there?"

"No... they were really nice, Logan."  
"Then what's wrong?"  
"I just don't like being away from home."  
"Do you get homesick easy?"  
"No... just ever since... Bobby..." she stopped for a second, "I just like to be at home."  
"So you get scared every time you're not in your house?"

She slowly nodded.

Logan pulled into the parking lot of the city park.

"What are we doing?" Fiona asked.

"Get out, Fiona." Logan said, getting out himself and then walking around, opening Fiona's door and taking her hand.

"Logan, take me home." Fiona ordered.

"Please, Fiona. Who's gonna push me on the swings if you don't get out?" he took her arm and tried to pull her up. She cringed. If Bobby had done that, she would have probably been yanked up and shaken, or knocked down. Logan just held on and tried to pull her, but stopped when he saw she wasn't getting up.

"Puh-lease, Fiona!" he insisted.

He held onto her hand again, and this time, out of instinct she got up.

"Logan..."

"What's the probability that something bad will happen right now?" Logan asked quickly, his hands on her shoulders.

"What?"  
"You have a ninty-nine white marbles in a bag, and one black one, what's the chance you get a black one?"  
"I don't see how that's relevant Logan, now can we please just go h-."

"One in a hundred, right Fiona? Right?" he was talking really, really quickly.

She just stared at him.

"Where are we?" he asked  
"The park?"

"Is it day time or night?"  
"Day time."  
"How many people are here?"  
"A few..."

"A lot? A lot right?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Well, what's the probability that something bad will happen right now, Fiona, if there's one black marble and we're at the park?"

"Not very good, I'd say."  
"One black marble, Fiona, and a billion white ones. One over a billion!" He looked so... happy, "Come swing with me, Fiona!" he said. It almost made Fiona wonder if he was on some type of drug.  
"See, don't be worried! We're at the _park_!"

He led her off to the swings. She sat down on one, but didn't swing. Logan did.

For the next few hours, actually, Fiona just followed Logan around while he went down slides and spun on merry go rounds.

"How are you so happy?" Fiona asked.

"Just am, why are you _not _so happy?"  
"I just keep thinking about it." she whispered. "Over and over again, it won't go away." She did keep thinking about it... how hard it was to breath when Bobby was done with her, how exhausted she was, and how much pain she was in... how absolutely _dirty_ she felt.

Logan stopped swinging. "What do you do when you think about it?"

"Just sit there... try and think of something else."

"Why don't you talk about it with someone, Holly J, or Declan, or even me, if you want?"

"I talk to Declan all the time." Fiona said, "But I bet he doesn't like to hear about me... and _that_."

"He likes to see you happy, Fiona. He'll do anything for you to be happy, you know that right?"  
"Yes... but, it's just a lot more complicated than you know, Logan."

"I'm sure it is."  
"I tell Declan a lot... you know?" Fiona asked, sitting down on the bench.

Logan sat beside her.

"But, I don't want to keep rambling to him, making him just sit there if he's busy or something."

"I'm sure he doesn't mind."  
Fiona's phone viberated in her pocket. She reached down and looked at the caller ID. It was Declan.

"Hello?"  
"Fi, where are you?" he asked, sounding very worried.  
"I'm at the park... in the day time, with tons of people, and one black marble." Fiona said, glancing at Logan.  
"What?"  
"I'm at the park, with Logan."

"Oh... thank god. You had me worried, Fi. I thought something happened."  
"What could have happened?" Fiona asked, then she imediantally thought of all the things that _could_ have happened.

"I was just worried, that's all."

"I'll come home." Fiona said.

"No, no. Just stay there, if you want."

"No... I was about to come home anyway." Fiona said, "So I'll see you in a bit."  
"Alright, Fi, see you." Declan said.

"Ok, bye."

She closed the phone.

"Logan, will you take me home, please?"  
"I wasn't going to kidnap you or anything." he said, taking her hand and leading her to the car.

They drove home in silence and Fiona waved goodbye to him. He told her he loved her.

"Did you have fun?" Declan asked when she got in.  
"Yeah, sure." Fiona mumbled.  
"Did something happen... are you ok?"

"Yes... I'm just thinking about things."  
"Oh."

Fiona went to sleep beside Declan on the couch, ad he continued to watch the show he had been watching... which was Friends.

Of course, she didn't sleep for long, she never did.

She started to toss and turn, and cry. Declan woke her up, and she mumbled something about Bobby... she wasn't completely awake. Declan held her hand until she fell asleep again. He was going to watch the television until the premier of Friends was over, but he looked on the guide to see that it was on for 48 hours, straight, so he carried Fiona upstairs and went to sleep.

If she had another nightmare that night... he slept through it. 


	121. Chapter 120

**I had this stupid sleep over with my friends and we didn't go to sleep at night... at all. It was terrible. THey broke all my things... and I finally go to sleep at 1:30 p.m. when they left. I'm never inviting them over again. Like once they left I started crying and I had like a nervous breakdown or something. My mom's like "Sweetie, what's wrong?" I think I'm stupid... in other news, My mom didn't let me on the computer when my brother was over so yeah... trust me, as much as it was hard for you to wait for another chapter, it was equally as hard for me not to write it! Enjoy!**

She sat awake again that night. She didn't want to wake Declan up again, so she just held his hand. Even though he was completely asleep, it made her feel better. Usually, when Declan would arange something for her or Bobby, she remembered, he did it at a time where he and Holly J woud also be out together. She'd have to walk home... or have Bobby drive her... which was terrifying. So she's usually walk. Walking back after he had raped her, or beat her was like walking through crowded streets with a sign around your neck with the words '_worthless_' or '_filthy_'. At least that's what Fiona thought. No one could really see it,or tell that it had happened, Declan told her, it was in her head. Only people she told knew. She cleared the memory of walking through the streets home, as fast as she could... even with a limp. She tried to go back to sleep by snuggling up against her brother, but then another thought entered her mind. He wasn't in jail forever. He'd be out, free to go where ever he wanted. She looked at the clock. 10:43 p.m. Maybe, just maybe Holly J would be awake. She'd woken up Declan too much... she dialed Holly J's number.

"Hello?" Holly J's sleepy voice asked.

"Hi... J... how've you been?"  
"Oh... hi, Fi!" Holly J said, sounding tired, but also genuinely happy to be talking to her friend. "I've been good... coming home in a while... what's up?"

"Not much..."

There was a quiet fizzing from the other line.

"You... uh, wanna talk?" Holly J asked.

"Bobby's getting out of jail someday." Fiona said.

"He won't be able to hurt you, Fi." Holly J said.

"Why not? I don't know of any reason that he won't." Fiona insisted, reaching out for Declan's hand at the thought of Bobby being anywhere near her.

"We got a restraining order... remember, Fi?"  
"That's a slip of paper, Holly J." Fiona whispered, "A slip of paper is nothing."  
Holly J cleared her throat on the other line, "If you ever come across him, then tell me, Fiona, and I'll take care of it... me or Declan, or Logan, maybe even Anya, gee, you could even tell my mom."

"What if I can't?" Fiona asked.

"What do you mean?"

"If I'm too scared."  
"Do you think you'll be too scared... I mean, you know that telling is best, we've been over this before, Fiona."  
"I always thought, before Bobby, that if someone hurt me, then I'd be able to tell... easily... but when it actually happened..."  
"Oh... well... Fiona, listen. Me, Declan, Logan, Anya... my mom, your parents... all of Logan's friends... we're all here for you... none of us want anything bad to happen to you. And me and Declan, we know how you act when you're hurting, the things you do too... we'd notice"  
Fiona sighed. "I'm just so scared, Holly J." she whispered, her voice cracking and tears building up in her eyes.

"Aw, Fi." Holly J began quietly, "Don't be scared... you're fine. Declan's there right now... and in a few days, I will be too. We aren't going to let anything happen, ok? Nothing at all, you'll be absolutely safe with us."

Holly J had never wanted to give her friend a hug more badly.

In the early, early morning, at about 2 a.m. Declan woke up beside Fiona, who's pillow was drenched with tears, some of which were skl till rolling down her cheek.

"Fi... hey... wake up." Declan said, giving her hand a small shake.

She woke up quickly, lately she always did.

"It was just a dream, Fi." Declan said, when she looked up into his eyes. When she looked at him, he could tell a few things from her eyes. One, that she was tired, two that she was scared, three that she was glad that he was there, and four, pure misery.

He understood. He would be miserable too, if that happened to him. She couldn't even sleep for more than a few hours without having nightmares.

Declan put his arms around her. "I'm here, Fi. Try to go back to sleep."  
She was quiet for a few minutes... Declan even thought she was asleep for awhile, until she spoke again.

"Do restraining orders work?"  
"Most of the time."

"I don't want Bobby to do it again, Decs. I really don't." she said, choking over her tears.

"Of course you don't, Fi." Declan said, taking her hand, "But that's good, because he'll never even come near you again."  
"What if he does? He can find me... and... Declan... I'm really scared... really, _really _scared, and there's nothing anyone can do... I've already tried everything..."

"Fi... you're fine, right now, right? No one is hurting you now... no one can hurt you now."  
Fiona nodded.

"Then don't worry about it. We'll worry about Bobby when we have to... which I don't think will ever happen... just remember, Fi. You're fine."  
"B-but I'm not... I'm scared... and oh gosh, D-decs it hurts s-so b-bad... Decs."  
"What... what hurts?"  
"Everything." she whispered, snuggling up closer to him. "Most all of the m-marks are gone... but not everything even l-left one... and everytime I think about it, it h-hurts again."

"Everything will stop hurting, someday." Declan said.

They were both quiet for a few minutes, Fiona thinking about what Declan said, and Declan trying to think about what Fiona must feel like.

"Do I help?" he asked.

"You help a lot, Decs." Fiona said, hugging him tighter. "Everything you say helps... and I wouldn't even be able to sleep without you."

"You should make goals." Declan said. "I read about it online... some people make goals to tell what happened to them to a certain number of people, or to sleep with the light off."  
"I have goals, they're to be back the way I was before."  
"Those are... good goals." Declan said, "But you never changed. You're Fiona... my sister. You've just been hurt."

They were both quiet again, until Declan spoke, "You could write a letter to him... like I did."

Her eyes grew wide, "N-no, no no... definantly not, I don't want to s-see him, Decs." she said, shaking her head, "No..."

"I could give it to him for you." Declan said, hoping that she'd do something to make him feel better.  
"I don't want to think about him... at all, Decs." she was even trembling now.  
"Maybe you're tired... try and get some sleep, and we can think about all this tomorrow."  
"Are you going to stay with me?" Fiona asked sitting up.  
"Of course, Fi."

She layed back down, but she was still having a hard time trying to fall asleep. "What about you, Decs?" she asked, staring at the ceiling.

"Me?" he asked, "What about me?"  
"Are you alright?"  
"Why wouldn't I be, Fiona?" he asked, turning to face her, but she was still on her back, just staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know." she whispered.

"You ok, Fi?"  
"Yeah, I'm ok."  
The way she said it made her sound so sad... and small. He gave her a hug.

"You don't want to talk or anything? I'll talk, if you want... and listen."  
She sat up a little. "I know you will, Decs. You always have."

"I still will."  
"I know."

"Do you have something on your mind... anything at all?"  
"No." she said, but he knew that she was thinking about it all.

"I have something I'll say then." Declan said.

"Yeah?" Fiona asked.  
"Are you really scared of him... right now, Fi?" he asked.  
"Why would I lie about that?"  
"It just seems strange... he's gone... locked up, and he can't hurt you... he couldn't hurt you even if he was out here... I'm always with you, protecting you."

"You know when we were little, Decs... and afraid of the monsters under our beds?"

"Yeah..."

"And mom would say "Oh, my dear children, I have to attend a meeting with your father tomorrow, please stop this nonsense." so we went back to sleep, because we knew that there really weren't monsters... they'd never hurt us before... and besides for the things we made up in our heads, there was no evidence of them. But in the back of our minds, we still were a little bit worried."  
"Yeah... but the monsters were under the bed... not in jail." Declan said, feeling funny about talking so seriously of the monsters.

"The monsters never hurt us though..." Fiona said, "They weren't as scary."  
"But, Fi..." Declan began, "That's just..." he stopped and thought for a second, "You're just going to be scared for a while, Fi."

She sunk back down into the bed. "I don't want to be scared." she whispered.

"You're going to be... for a little bit at least. When that happens to people they can't just 'get over it'. Just hang in there, Fi. You're doing great..."

A slight smile formed on her lips. "Thanks, Decs."  
"You're welcome."  
They were quiet for a second before Fiona whispered, "Night."  
"Goodnight, Fi, love you." 


	122. Chapter 121

-**Thank you for the reviews... or reveiw. :) Love you, and thanks!-**

By the fourth or fifth time she knew that when he said "Fifi, I promise I won't do it again." he didn't mean it. She knew he'd do it again. She couldn't trust him. By the nineth or tenth time, she decided she didn't trust anyone else either. Except for Declan and Holly J.

Declan knew that. He knew by the way she crept closer to him when they passed people on the side walks, and how she wouldn't talk to other people. How she stared at them as they walked past, like she thought at any moment, one would lash out at her.

She woke up one day, Declan was already awake, and cleaning up the house. "Decs... what're you doing?" Fiona asked, coming down the stairs.

"Holly J's coming home tomorrow. She said so on the phone." Declan said. He didn't tell Fiona the reason that she was coming home, which was, in her exact words, "_Yeah... I'm heading home today... it'll take me a bit. Fi called me the other night. I need to come home, to talk to her_." She would give no other explaination.

"Oh, good. I've missed her."

Fiona helped clean up a bit, but then she sighed, "Why are we cleaning? This is her house too, she knows how it looks, especially when Ellie is here."  
"I suppose so." Declan said, putting down the duster. He sat on the couch. "Get much sleep last night?"

"Not much. I never do though. I'm always just waking you up, causing trouble." she sat beside him.

"I don't mind waking up when you're having nightmares, Fiona."

"You're the only one. No one else likes me. I'm worthless. Except to Bobby, I was Bobby's little play thing. His sex object. No one else cares. And when they look at me, all they can see is _filth_. There's something wrong with me." she said, staring off int the distance, as if she was thinking about something.

"Fi, there's nothing wrong with you. You're a beautiful person, mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it. Don't ever think you're worthless. Don't ever, ok?"  
"Maybe Bobby was right. There was nothing else anyone could use me for, except... except for..." she was trying to talk about it as if it were nothing. Declan knew that she was. She was trying to convince herself that everything was normal.

"Except for... sex." she said finally, glancing up at Declan to see if he approved.

"Fiona, you don't _belong _to Bobby. You never did. Nothing you just said is true."  
She was trying not to cry now... but tears were creeping into her eyes and about to spill over and down her cheeks.

"I know what he did isn't right, Decs. You don't have to t-tell me." she said, now she was crying, and she couldn't hold it back. "I just am making up stuff, I don't know. Maybe I made it all up. Maybe I just keep making up stuff. I'm crazy, Decs. I'm crazy!" she was crying buckets of tears.

"Come here, Fi." Declan said, holding out his arms. She crawled into them and cried into his shirt while he ran his hands up and down her arms, giving her shoulders a little squeeze. "You're not crazy." he whispered.

"Th-then what's wr-wrong with m-me?"  
"Nothing's wrong with you. Do you realize all the stuff Bobby put you through? You can't get over it that quick. You can't expect yourself to walk away like nothing ever happened. No one expects you to. We all understand."

She kept crying, so much she was shaking, and unable to even reply.

"You know that one time... after I figured out what he did, I kicked his ass." Declan began, "Gave him a black eye." he looked down at her, "I've never hated someone so much in my entire life, Fi."  
"Not even the kid who stole your homework in fourth grade?" Fiona asked with a small smile.

"That kid didn't hurt my sister."

Every so often, Declan went to visit Bobby. Not like "Oh, hey, how've you been?" but just to see him, observe, really. Hoping to see that he felt horrible, that all this bad sutff was happening in prison. He hoped to make Bobby feel bad, by saying how sad Fiona was, but he had stopped doing that when he realized that to Bobby, it was like a trophy. "Oh, she feels sad? Oh, cool, that's what I wanted."

Instead, he just got a detailed desciption of the things Bobby did to Fiona... which made him sick.

He stopped visiting Bobby.

He looked down at Fiona again. "Come on, let's go on a walk, Fi."

"Outside?"  
"No... no, of course not," Declan began sarcastically, "Lets go on a walk to the bathroom and back."

"There's people outside."  
"There's people everywhere."  
"People can be really mean." Fiona whispered.

"Bobby hurt you... no one else will, and if they try I'll be there to make them pay."

"Where would we even go?" Fiona asked.

"Maybe we'd walk to Judith's."  
"Judith is nice."  
"I know."

So they walked to Judith's house. No one else was there when they got there. Which was good.

"Oh, hello, darlings, have a seat." Judith said when she saw them.

Fiona sat by Declan on the couch, Judith sat across from them on the chair.

"How are you doing, Fiona?"  
"I'm fine, thank you." Fiona said quietly. "Declan just thought I should get out, so I did... we did."  
"It's good to get out." Judith said. "You still afraid of men?"  
Fiona stared at her for a few seconds then she smiled at her. It was a fake smile, Declan realized. He didn't know if Judith knew though. "Perhaps." she said softly.

"She is afraid of some people." Declan answered, "Not all of them though."

"That's a step up, at least." Judith said.

Fiona gave her a sort of annoyed look that Declan could tell she was trying to hide.

"Did you want to talk about something today, Fiona?" Judith asked.

"Me? Oh, no. Not right now."  
"Nothing at all is on your mind, because if you don't have a topic, I can make one up for us."  
Fiona raised her eyebrows at Judith's bluntness.

"Oh... well... go ahead then." Fiona said slowly.

"Ok... so, let's see;" Judith began, rubbing her hands together, "What are some of the things that have changed from when Bobby came?"  
This seemed easy enough to Declan, but not as much to Fiona.

Declan sat there, practically having to cover his mouth to keep from blurting out all the stuff he could think of.

"This question is to both of you." Judith said, "Take turns."

"She has nightmares now." Declan said quickly.

"I had nightmares before too." Fiona said.

"Not very often, and they weren't about Bobby, they were about zombies and dead people, and tornados, and what else? Dinosaurs! Remember, you'd have that reoccuring dream that you had to hide from the T-Rex? And then those ones where your driving through town and you hit a big ramp and fly really high into the air and almost land, but you'd wake up before you landed... and then, the one about the bowling ball..."

"Ok... Decs, very good... umm, memory of every single nightmare I've ever had..." Fiona interuptted.

Judith wrote '_nightmares_' down on a pad of paper.

"Alright, Fiona... what can you think of?"

"I don't know."

"You can't think of anything at all?"  
"No."

"Ok, we have one goal. Get rid of those nightmares." Judith said, putting the paper down in front of Fiona and Declan. "Your brother will be sure to help you with this... and Holly." Judith said, forgetting the J. "And don't expect it to happen over night. It definantally won't."

"So how do we... make them stop, exactly?"  
"Search 'how to make nightmares go away' on the internet. That's your homework."


	123. Chapter 122

-**Happy Thanksgiving! Well, I don't know if this will be posted on Thanksgiving, but I'm writing this on Thursday, 12:04, so it was just Thanksgiving 4 mintues ago, and I want to tell you "Happy Thanksgiving!" before I forget. And I put a lot of Ellie talking in this one. I know she hasn't talked much before, but I wanted her to start talking. She's almost 2 and a half now, and if she's as talkative as my 3 year old cousin, than surely this is realistic. I dunno though... I'm trying to make it realistic... Anywhoo, enjoy!-**

When they got home, Declan searched how to make nightmares go away. The first site he found was for little children, it said to sleep with a stuffed animal, a nightlight, or leaving your door open... which Fiona basically already did, sleeping with Declan and leaving the light on.

There was a knock on the door and Declan got up to answer it.

It was Holly J, of course. No one else ever visited them, except for the lawyers, sometimes, and police officers, to get them to sign 'notice to appear' papers.

"I missed you, Holly J!" Declan said running up to her. Fiona was sitting on the couch, Holly J had put Ellie down, and she had ran to Fiona.

"Aun' Fiona!" she squealed, finally getting her name right.

"Hey, Ellie-Bug." Fiona said quietly, reaching out to take her tiny hand.

"Are you sad Aun' Fiona?"

"No, not sad. Just a little..." she was almost going to start to have a whole conversation with her two and a half year old (almost three) niece but then she smiled at herself for being so silly, "Go say hi to your daddy, Ellie." she said.  
"O' tay."

While Declan played with Ellie, Holly J walked over to Fiona.  
"How are you doing, Fi?" she asked.

"Ellie just asked me that."  
Holly J smiled, "And what did you tell her?"  
"I told her to talk to Declan."  
"What are you going to tell me?"  
"I don't know how to get rid of my nightmares."  
"Maybe I could help."

"Maybe." Fiona agreed.

"I could help. I know I could."

Ellie ran back over to Holly J and took her hand "Can we go to McDonalds?" she asked, McDonalds sounded like "NcHonads".

"Not today."

"Is Aun' Fiona sad?" Ellie asked.  
Holly J glanced at Fiona who gave Ellie a little smile. "Just a little."

"Does Aunt Fiona still have the dark boo-boos?" Ellie asked.

Holly J and Fiona both looked down at her, surprised she remembered the times when Fiona was so bruised she couldn't even move without hurting.

"No, not anymore. They went away." Holly J said.

"Does she still 'crwy'?" Ellie asked.

"Sometimes."

"I crwy too, Aun' Fiona." Ellie said, "Like when I felled off my tricycle."  
"I know, I remember." Fiona said, smiling. Ellie always did make her feel better. She was so innocent. Not knowing exactly why Fiona cried, and hurt, but knowing that sometimes, she did too.

"Is that why you crwied?"  
"No."

"Why did you crwy?" Ellie asked, her thumb in her mouth, looking up at Fiona was her big blue eyes.

Holly J glanced at Fiona, about to answer for her, but Fiona answered instead.

"Somebody gave me the boo-boos."

"Why would they do that?"  
"He didn't like me, and he got mad easily. He hit me and stuff. That's where the boo-boos came from."

"It is not nice to hit people."  
"I know." Fiona said.

"Did you tell him you didn't like it?"  
"Yes."

"Who did it... was it mommy or daddy... or Anya?" Ellie asked, when she said Anya's name it sounded like 'Amnananya.'

Fiona shook her head 'no', "It was someone else."  
"Who?"  
"You don't know him."  
"Who?" Ellie asked again.

"His name was Bobby."  
"Where is he now?"

"In jail."

"When Tina hit me on the pway ground, I didn't cry for a long time afterwards. And she did not go to jail."

"Bobby did a lot more than hit, me, Ellie-bug." Fiona said, "Now enough with the questions, don't you want to play a game?"  
"No..." Ellie began, "What else did he do?"  
Declan, who had been watching for a few minutes smiled, "She's right, Ellie, why don't we play tag, or hide and seek?"

"Otay."

Declan played hide and seek with Ellie and Holly J sat beside Fiona.

"Sorry... she's very curious about, everything."  
"Lots of little kids are."

"Yeah." Holly J agreed. "You're trying to stop your nightmares?"

"Yes."  
"I want to help, Fiona. I haven't been helping enough. I've been busy with Ellie."  
"Yeah... she's your, uh, baby."  
"Well, yeah, but you're my friend, and someday, my sister in law."

"Unless you have a complete solution to nightmares I don't know if you can help."

"Maybe I'll try to stay with you too... while you sleep, me and Declan. Would that help?"  
"I don't know." Fiona said.  
"Worth a try, right?" Holly J asked.

"Yeah, worth a try."

"What exactly happens in the dreams, Fi?"  
"What do you mean?" Fiona asked slowly.  
"Like... is it just images, or exactly what happened when it... when it happened?"  
"Both... usually like, what it was like when it happened... I can feel him, and smell him and... it makes me feel dirty... even in just the dreams."

Holly J thought Fiona was going to cry, but she didn't.

"Fi, nothing like that should have ever happened to you... ever. You didn't deserve it, and don't deserve it."

"I'm just trying to forget about it." Fiona said, inspecting one of the scars on her arm. It was a long one, from Bobby's fingernails, actually.

"You think you're going to forget about it with in a week or two?"  
"Of course not, but eventually, hopefully."

"It's not going to be easy to forget... I doubt you're going to forget it at all, but you won't constentally be thinking about it every single day, Fiona."  
"How do you know so much?"  
"At Lakehurst we had to take tons of classes about this kind of stuff."

"Where's Lakehurst?" Fiona asked.

"Oh... it burnt down about three years ago, me... and Anya both used to go there, but then when it burnt we were all transferred to Degrassi."

"I didn't even know that." 

A few hours later, Fiona had fell asleep. She was watching 'Little Bear' with Ellie and she fell asleep. No one noticed, because Declan was taking a shower, and Holly J was trying to find out about scholarships.

"Mommy, Aun' Fiona is cwying." Ellie said, tugging on Holly J's sleeve. She was in the computer chair looking very frusterated.

"Why?" Holly J asked, spinning around to face Ellie.

"She is mad about her bed time, I 'tink'."

"What?" Holly J asked, very confused.  
"She is mad about her bed time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Go and look, mommy."  
"I think I will." Holly J said, picking up Ellie and walking into the living room.

"See?" Ellie asked when they got there, "She is crwying, cause she had to go to seep early, right mommy?"  
"No, El, she's just having a nightmare."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know, Ellie." Holly J said, lying of course.

"Is it about Booby?"  
"Who?"  
"Booby, the dude who made dark boo-boos."

"I think you mean Bobby." Holly J said, almost laughing.

"Are they about him?"  
"I don't know, maybe." Holly J said, wondering when exactly Ellie became so curious about everything.

"Are they about him sometimes?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
Holly J looked at Ellie. It must be really confusing for her, but it was also a really hard thing to explain to a toddler.

"He was really, really mean to Fiona."

"Why didn't she 'ust tell him to leave her 'lone?"

"She did, but he didn't listen to her."

"Didn't she tell gran-nanma C?" Ellie asked, struggling over the word 'grandma'.

"She wasn't here right then, she is very busy." Holly J said, "But she told me, and daddy."  
"And you told his mommy an' daddy?"

Holly J sighed. "No, we told the police officers."  
"Gran-ma says that police officers are 'tupid people who need to 'spect peopleses rights to wear their seatbelt." Ellie said.  
"Oh..." Holly J said, surprised that Ellie remembered that, and could recite it.

Holly J had thought that they had changed the subject, but they didn't, Ellie got right back on topic.

"What did the cop officers do?"  
"They got him in trouble."  
"Did they put 'em in the dungon?" Ellie asked.

"They put him in jail."

"So why's she crwying? He's gone, we don't gotta worry 'bout him any more." Ellie said.

"She remembers him, Ellie... ok? That's why." Holly J said.

"Why does it make her crwy though?"  
"I don't know, go ask daddy, he knows her better than I do."  
"Daddy is taking a bubble bath." Ellie stated.

"Oh... well, wait until he gets out, ok?"  
"Otay, then I will ask him about the dude who makes dark boo-boos."

"Yeah." Holly J said.

She was trying to decide whether to wake Fiona up or see if she'd get herself out of the nightmare. She looked over to see Ellie staring at her.

Holly J grabbed a piece of paper from the notebook she was writing websites down on. "Take this and go draw a picture while you wait, ok?"  
"Otay." Ellie said, taking the picture and going to the kitchen table.

Once Ellie was occupied, Holly J took Fiona's hand. "Fi... you're having a nightmare, it isn't real. Nothing is real in that dream." she whispered, hoping Fiona could hear it, even though she was asleep.

If she heard it, she showed no signs. Holly J put her hand on her friend's shoulder, about to wake her up, but Fiona screamed instead, and grabbed Holly J's arm, squeezing it really hard, and it hurt.

"Fi... hey, let go." Holly J said, trying to shake away from Fiona's grip. "It's me, Holly J."

Until then, Fiona was still crying, and her eyes were shut tight, but she opened them now. She let go of Holly J's arm and immediantally started apologizing. "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't hurt you, oh my god, there's a mark there, isn't there?" she asked, all in one breath. She had her hand near her mouth, biting her nails.

"No... it's fine, Fiona. I'm fine."

"I thought you were... I thought you were Bobby."  
"I do not like Bobby." Ellie stated from the other room.

Fiona looked at her, not saying anything.

"None of us do, Ellie. Keep drawing us a pretty picture, and we'll hang it on the fridge."  
"Alright." Ellie said simply, picking up the purple crayon.

"Try to forget it... not completely, maybe, but just a little." Holly J said, turning back to Fiona.

"No... it's written in pen... in ink. I can't." Fiona said.

"What?"  
"The past is in pen... that's what Judith told me." Fiona whispered.

Holly J put her arm around her friend. "I always thought it was written in pencil, and forgetting about it was a matter of how dark you wrote it, and how good the eraser is."

"Well, Bobby was written dark and my eraser sucks."

"I have a 'raser you can use." Ellie said.  
"No thank you, Ellie." Fiona replied.

"I drawed you a picture." Ellie said, getting down from the chair.

"You did?" Fiona asked, "That's nice of you."  
"Are you otay?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, I'm alright."

"I drawed this 'pitcher' of the mean guy." Ellie said, sitting right next to Fiona.

Fiona could already guess who the 'mean guy' was but she asked anyway.

"What do you mean, Ellie-bug?"  
"The guy who gave you dark boo-boos." Ellie said, she pointed at the other part of the picture, "And here is the big fat guy who is going to give _him _dark boo-boos." she said, smiling.

Holly J stared at the picture, "Oh... Ellie... that's not... that's not good, Ellie."  
"You don't like my 'pitcher'?"

"No... it's beautiful, Ellie, but people shouldn't hurt other people."  
"But I heard daddy say that he wanted to beat the guy's ass." Ellie stated.

"Ellie... that's a bad word." Holly J said, "You do not say that word anymore."  
"Daddy said that."  
"I know, but you can't say it."  
"Otay."

"Why don't you draw another picture... a happier one, let Fiona help you, I'm going to go talk to daddy ok."  
"Otay."

Fiona didn't know what to do, so she walked Ellie to the table and started drawing a pony.

"You is a very good drawer." Ellie said.

"Thanks, Ellie."  
"Was you havin' a nightmare about Bobby?"  
"Ellie, it's not nice to talk about that." Fiona said.

"Why not?" Ellie asked, putting down the crayon and looking completely confused. Then it struck Fiona that Ellie didn't know it wasn't nice to talk about that... she barely knew who Bobby was.

"It's... well it's kind of like being embarassed."  
"How come?"  
"Bobby did some very bad things to me, Ellie. They're grown up things... you do not know what they are, but they hurt my feelings very much, and now I'm very sad, and I still think about it sometimes, and it makes me really sad all over again, and sometimes, when I'm dreaming, I cry, because I am having dreams that he's hurting my feelings again, and the dreams seem real. And, it's not nice to talk about it... because it makes me feel embarassed." Fiona said, trying to find some way to make Ellie understand.

"You should not feel embarassed that he hurt your feelings. Daddy hurt my feelings when he made me pick up my toys or else we would not go to McDonalds."

"It's different, Ellie. The things he did were really bad. He was very mean."  
"He smacked you."  
"Yeah... that was one thing." Fiona said.

"Is that why you have all those white marks?" Ellie asked.

"How do you know about those?"  
"Sometimes when you're 'sleepin, daddy looks at them. He told mommy that he don't think they are gonna go away."

"Ellie, can we please not talk about it anymore?" Fiona asked.  
"Yes, I do not want to hurt your feelin's, Aun' Fiona."  
"Well, that's very nice of you Ellie." Fiona said, her voice was a little whimpery and Ellie looked up from her drawing.

"Do you nee-a hug, Aun' Fiona?" she asked, getting up from her chair and crawling into Fiona's lap, hugging her.

"Thank you, Ellie, you are such a sweet girl."  
"You are such a sweet girl too, Aun' Fiona."


	124. Chapter 123

-**:) Yay! Everything is great because... I don't know why, but I feel pretty happy right now! Thanks for the reviews!-**

"Do you like the snow?" Ellie asked Fiona.

"Not too much, why?"  
"I like it."  
"Oh."  
"Why don't you like it?"  
"It's cold, and wet."

"Did you have a nightmare last night?"

Fiona looked up, "Yes... Ellie. But, I don't want to talk about it."

"I know you don't. You told me 'yesserday'."

"Then why are you trying to get me to talk about it?" Fiona asked.

"Cause daddy always does."

"Your daddy is my brother... it's ok for him to talk to me about it."

"Mommy does too."  
"She's a grown up."  
"So?"  
"Your daddy and mommy know exactly what happened."  
"Then tell me 'zactly what happened."

"How about we do something more exciting... like... go outside and play in the snow?" Fiona asked.

"But you don't like snow."  
"I like it enough to play in it." Fiona said, "Come on... I'll be lonely if you don't come and play with me."  
"Otay, but I need my coat."

Declan looked out the window at Fiona and Ellie.

"She asks a lot of questions." he said to Holly J.

"She's curious."  
"Yeah... what should we be telling her... about Bobby?"  
"I told her that he was mean and that he hurt Fiona."

"She wants to know more."  
"I know."  
"What should we tell her?" Declan asked.

"Just do what Fiona did, change the subject."

"That won't work everytime."  
"You never know."

"Yeah... you never know." Declan said, watching Fiona hand two rocks to Ellie, who put them on their snowman's face, for the eyes.

Fiona looked up and saw him watching her and took Ellie's hand and headed for the door.

When she came in she sighed, "I know Ellie, but I'm _really_ cold. Maybe your daddy or mommy will go out with you." she said, looking at Holly J and Declan.

"Yeah... I'll go." Holly J said, taking Ellie's hand and heading out the door.

Once Ellie and Holly J were outside, Declan sat down at the kitchen table by Fiona.

"I'm sorry that Ellie asks so many questions." he said.

"Oh, it's fine." Fiona said, taking off her gloves, "She's just a little kid, she doesn't know any better."  
"Yeah... but I'm saying sorry, for her."

"Well... apology accepted, I guess." Fiona said, looking up at him.

"Did you have a nightmare last night... Holly J was with you... I wasn't there."  
"You sound just like your daughter." Fiona said with a smile, "And, yes, I did." her smile slowly faded.

"I read something... that if you have sort of a code word that you remember... like every time you see Bobby, you remember 'Chapstick' for example, and then you know that if you remember 'chapstick' it isn't real."  
"Why would I remember chapstick?"  
"It's just an example."  
"I'll try to think about chapstick if I have a nightmare but I don't understand how it would help."  
"Neither do I, but it might, right?"  
"Sure." Fiona said, sighing.

Holly J and Ellie came in and started changing out of their wet clothes.

"You look worn out, Fi."

"I'm just a bit tired, that's all Decs. Don't worry about me."

"Go to sleep." Declan suggested.

Fiona stood up with tears in her eyes "I _can't _go to sleep because I'll have these god _damned _nightmares!" she screamed.

Ellie looked over. "Maybe daddy could read you a bedtime story." she whispered.

"Come on Ellie, lets go upstairs." Holly J said.

Declan watched Holly J and Ellie walk up the stairs. Holly J seemed to be ignoring them, but Ellie was watching curiously.

When they were gone Declan turned back to Fiona who was still standing up and crying.

"I'm so sick of this, Decs. I. Can't. Even. Sleep!"

"Come here, Fi." he said, walking over to her, and taking her hand. "Come with me."

He led her to the hall where their big mirror was, he guided Fiona in front of it and then stepped behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

"Look at yourself."  
"No."  
"Please, Fi."

"I don't want to."

"Then look at me."

Fiona raised her eyes and looked at Declan in the mirror.

"Hi." she said.

"Why won't you look at yourself?"  
"Because I don't even want to see what I look like... lack of sleep, scars... it's probably not a very good image."

"Aw, just take a glance, Fiona." Declan said, taking her hair and tucking it behind her ears.

She slowly looked at herself in the mirror. She just stared for a few seconds before she gave herself a little smile... like a shy smile. "That's me." she said, touching the mirror.

"Yeah... and no bruises or anything. No one can tell anymore, Fi. You don't have to pretend that it's forbidden to look at yourself. I noticed that you'd been avoiding mirrors."

She quickly whirrled around and looked straight into his eyes. "Maybe you've just gotten used to it. But people can tell. I know they can." she said.

"No they can't. I promise. I wouldn't lie." Declan said.

"How many scars do I have?" Fiona asked.

"How would I know?" Declan said.

Fiona folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the wall. "Ellie says you look at them when I'm asleep." she just a little bit angry  
"To see how they were healing... I didn't know if you did, you had a lot on your mind, and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh." Fiona said quietly, she glanced at herself in the mirror again before turning back to him and hugging him. "That was nice of you, Decs. Thanks."  
"You're welcome."  
For a while they were quiet before Decan said "Do you want to _try _to sleep?"  
"Sure, why not? I've got to sometime anyway."

"Think about chapstick." Declan said, following her upstairs.

"That's dumb."  
"Then I'll read you a story." Declan said.

Fiona looked back at him to see if he was serious. He was.

"Which one would you like?"  
"I don't care."

"Ok, I'll pick."

Fiona fell asleep listening to Declan read a 'Little House on the Prairie' book; and, some how, she didn't have a nightmare.


	125. Chapter 124

Although she didn't have a nightmare, she was scared when she woke up and Logan was there.

"Wh-what are you doing?" she asked.

"Holly J had to go do some college thing and Declan went with her... they needed a baby sitter."

"How long have you been here?"  
"Only a few hours." Logan said, holding out his hand to her. She took it and he helped her out of the bed. "You didn't wake up once since I got here."  
"I didn't even have a nightmare." Fiona said. She was quiet for a second before she repeted herself, "Logan! I didn't even have a nightmare!" she said, hugging him. "Stories work! Where's Ellie?" she asked.

"Downstairs watching Sesame Street." Logan answered slowly, as if he was confused.

Fiona rushed downstairs and picked up Ellie, "You're a genius, Ellie-Bug!"

"I know." Ellie said, "I know what sound the letter P makes. P-p-_Panda_." she recited, staring at the screen.

Fiona put her back down and turned to Logan.

"Do you know what this means?" she asked.

"No... what?"

"That I'm _healed_!" she said.  
"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.

"I'm normal again. We can do stuff normal people do, Logan."  
"But... that's just one step, Fiona... not having nightmares... you're not completely fine." Logan said softly.  
"Come upstairs with me."  
"Why?"  
"Just follow me." Fiona said.

She led him upstairs and sat on the bed.

"You can kiss me." she said.

He stared at her for a few seconds before sitting down next to her.

"You can." she repeted.

"But... not having nightmares isn't... it isn't the same as being completely ok."  
"It's just a kiss, Logan." Fiona said, leaning in and kissing him. "See... just a kiss." she repeted.

"But... you... you don't like to do that, you told me."  
"I want to erase what Bobby did... I know I can, Logan." Fiona said.

"You can't... it happened, Judith says that history is written in-" Logan began.

"Ink." Fiona finnished, "I know. But if I... if I do things with you, it'll be like writing over what Bobby did."  
"I don't understand."  
"Bobby was my only..." she looked down, and then back up at him. "Bobby was my only sexual experiance... I need to do it again... with someone who I like... when I want to."  
"I'm not going to have sex with you, Fiona." Logan stated, looking into her eyes. "You might think you want to now, but later you might regret it."  
"Then... we can just... kiss, Logan. That isn't so bad, is it?" she asked.

Logan didn't want to hurt her... or make her do something that she regreted, but who was he kidding? Of course he _wanted _ to kiss her... he even wanted to have sex with her, but he wasn't going to. She probably didn't _really_ want to.

"Kissing... kissing isn't so bad." Logan said, pulling closer to her and placing his lips on her's. He didn't know what happened, because it happened so fast. She was sitting up against the wall by the bed and he was still kissing her. After about five minutes, he slid his hand up her leg, by accident. He didn't really think about it. But when he did, she completely froze.

"Stop!" she yelled, he pulled away from her and looked at her, confused. "Stop." she repeted again, her voice soft and quiet, even a little _scared_.

"Fiona, what's wrong?" he asked, putting his hand on her's. She pulled it away, fast.

"I _said _stop. Don't touch me." she said, her voice trembling.

"Fiona... I'm sorry." he said, "I didn't even think about it... I won't do it again."

She didn't say anything for a few minutes before she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You have the right to say if you want me to stop."

She folded her hands and put them on her lap, "I told you you could though." she said.

"And then you told me I couldn't, so I stopped."

"But..." she stopped, "Thanks Logan, for putting up with me and all the crazy stupid stuff I do."

"It's not crazy, or stupid."  
"Then what is it?"  
"It's just... stuff." Logan said.

Ellie came upstairs, "Is there gonna be any pancakes?" she asked.

"What?" Logan asked.

"Oh," Fiona said, getting up, "She usually has pancakes on Saturdays."

"Yeah." Ellie said, taking Fiona's hand and walking down the stairs with her.  
While Fiona made pancakes, Ellie talked to Logan.

"Are you Aun' Fiona's husband?"  
"No."  
"Her boyfriend?"

Logan looked up at Fiona, "Yes." he said, staring at her instead of Ellie.

"When are you guys gonna have a baby?"  
"What?" Logan asked.

Fiona turned around, "Not for a while, Ellie-Bug." she said, smiling at Logan in a funny way.

"Is mommy and daddy going to have 'anoder' baby?"  
"I don't know, Ellie. Not for awhile if they are though." Fiona said.

Ellie turned back to Logan. "Do you know how to play cootie bugs?"  
"Everyone knows how to play cootie bugs." he told her.

"Which tongue do you like the best?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"  
"Which tongue? The curly one,or the straight one?"

"The straight one." Logan said, absent mindedly.

"I like the curly one. It's a crazy tongue." Ellie said.

Logan didn't know how Fiona understood half the things Ellie said. And the meaning of them. 'It's a crazy tongue'. That one made him laugh.

Ellie laughed too, but it appeared that she didn't know _what _she was laughing at.

Fiona placed a plate of pancakes in front of Fiona.

"Can I get some OJ over here?" Ellie asked. "Please and 'tank' you." she added.

Fiona returned once more with orange juice and sat beside Logan.

"Someday... Logan, I'll be normal, you know." she whispered to him.

"Considering all the things you went through, you're pretty damn normal."

"Damn is a bad word." Ellie said. "You should say 'dang' or 'darn', or else mommy will tell you 'No Franklin, you said a bad word.' "

"Oh, excuse me." Logan said.

"You're 'scused." she said, continuing to eat her pancakes.

"But I'm not normal... I'm messed up."  
"No you're not."  
"Yes I am."  
"No you're not, I promise."

"Promises suck." Fiona said. Then she added in a whisper, "They don't mean anything."  
"They do, if you're talking to someone who keeps them." he held out his hand to her, and she took it.

"You know, I liked it at first, the kissing, with you today."  
"Ew, like on the movies?" Ellie asked, staring at Fiona, but she ignored her, and soon, Ellie began eating her pancakes.

"When did you start to not like it?"  
"When you... touched me, with your hands."  
"I didn't mean to."  
"I know."

"I just wanted to make sure you did."  
"Yeah, I understand, Bobby." Fiona said, "I... I mean, Logan." she looked a little stressed.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked, "You can be honest with me."

"I don't know what happened, it was just an accident."

"There's something else." Logan said, "I know."  
"You just... reminded me of him, when you touched my leg, and I was thinking about it, just now, that's all."

"That's all?"  
"That's all, I promise."  
"Do promises matter?" Logan asked.  
"Yes, they matter." Fiona answered.

"I really like spending time with you, Fiona." Logan said, "Even if we're not kissing."

She smiled at him. "Not very many people can make me think about something else, instead of Bobby. You can though... and Declan, sometimes Holly J." She got up but Logan reached out for her hand, but grabbed her wrist instead.

"Wait." he said.

He didn't mean to scare her, but it _had _reminded her of the way Bobby used to grab her. But Logan was gentle, and Bobby was far from it. She looked down at her wrist, and then back up at Logan. No, he wasn't hurting her. His fingernails weren't digging into her skin, and she could pull away if she wanted to. She gave him a small smile. "Yes?" she asked.

"I'm sorry." he said, letting go of her wrist. "I hope I didn't... hurt you."  
"You didn't, what did you want to say?" she asked.

"I... I love you, Fiona Coyne."

She studied him for a few seconds before she whispered, "I love you too, Logan."

Declan and Holly J pulled into the drive way. Once Declan got to the door he asked, "Have a nice time?"  
"Yeah." Ellie began, "Aun' Fiona and Logan kiss like on the movies."


	126. Chapter 125

"So... how did that go?" Declan asked when Fiona was sitting in the bed with him.

"At first it was ok, but then he touched my leg... and I freaked out, and told him to stop."  
"What did he do then?"

"He stopped."  
"Besides for that?"  
"That was it... he stopped."

"What did you think about it?"  
"It was... awkward, for the most part. But for a while, I liked it."

Declan resituated himself. "Do you like _him_?"  
Fiona sighed, "Logan is really nice." she began, "But I don't know if I'll ever love someone again... not like I loved Bobby."  
"You shouldn't love someone like you loved Bobby. He hurt you."  
"Before he started..." she stopped, "Hitting me." she said quietly, "I loved him, that's one of the reasons it hurt so bad."

"Maybe you'll love Logan more than you've ever loved anyone before."

"We'll see." Fiona whispered.

They were quiet for a second, and they heard Holly J talking to Ellie downstairs.

"And then he said the 'd' word." Ellie said.  
"He did?"  
"Yeah, and I said 'That is a bad word.' and he said ' 'scuse me.' and I said that he was 'scused."

Holly J said something back that Fiona couldn't make out.

"You know, I like Logan..." Declan began, "but if you... if you get serious with him and he hurts you, tell me."  
Fiona sat up and looked at him, her eyes widening, "You think he'd hurt me?" she asked.

"No... that's not what I was saying... I was saying that if he ever did, which I know he won't, than you should tell me."  
"You were friends with Bobby."

"I _was_. But not anymore."

"I didn't tell you... because I was embarassed, and I thought you'd be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?"  
"Like I said, you were friends with him."  
"Yeah, but Fiona, you're my _sister_. When you told me that he beat you..." Declan began, but Fiona interuptted.

"_Please_ don't say that, Decs. That he 'beat me'. I... I know that that's what he did... but, gosh... I just don't like it."

"Ok... when you told me he _hurt _you..." Declan started, "I didn't care at all if we were friends, or best friends, or anything. If someone hurts you, I will not be 'friends' with them." he said, putting his arm around her and pulling her into a sort of 'side-hug'

"I was just scared you wouldn't like me."

"Why?"

"_I don't know_." Fiona replied.

"Well, like I said, tell me, immediantally, if _anyone _ever hurts you, or if anyone ever does anything that you think might _lead _to them hurting you." he said, "And don't worry about the basterd hurting you more afterwards, don't be scared, because I would not let that happen. I'd beat him myself."

"Declan Coyne getting into a fight?" Fiona asked, "I'd like to see that."

"I may not do it very often, but I can get someone good if I want, and leave a good bruise on them."

The thought of Declan being a violent person made Fiona think. It was strange, because to her, he was the nicest most gentle person ever.

"Who did you hit?" she asked.

"Bobby."

"When?"  
"That time when you tried to... well, step off the roof of Vanderbuilt."

He looked at Fiona, who's face was red, "And when we saw him in the street... lot's of times, Fi. It's hard to be around someone who hurt you, and not hurt him."

They were quiet for a few more minutes and when Fiona looked at Declan, he was asleep.

"Decs... wake up." Fiona whispered.

Declan didn't open his eyes at first, he just hugged her.

"Declan..."

"Yeah... what, did you have a nightmare?"  
"No... I haven't went to sleep."  
"Oh."  
"Decs?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Will you read me a story?"  
"What?"  
"It worked... last night I didn't have a nightmare."  
"Oh... ok." Declan said, crawling out of bed and getting a random book off the shelf.

Fiona fell asleep fast, but she had a nightmare again... and she woke up Declan.

"You alright?" Declan asked.

"No..." she said, trembling.

"Come here." he said, sitting up, and letting her lay her head in his lap. He braided her hair, then unbraided it, and braided it again until she fell back asleep.

The next morning Ellie woke her up. "Aun' Fiona guess what?" she asked.

Fiona sat up. "What?"  
"I _said _guess."  
"Umm... you won CandyLand?"  
"I always win CandyLand, but that's not what I wanted you to guess." Ellie said.

"Ok... tell me, I give up."

"Just guess one more time." Ellie pleaded, holding up her hand.

"Oh... Holly J painted your fingernails." Fiona said.

When Ellie looked confused Fiona said "Did your mommy paint your fingernails?"  
"Yep!"

"Wow, they're really pretty Ellie-Bug."

"Thank you. Your's are really pretty too."

"Mine aren't painted."  
"Can I paint 'em?" Ellie asked.

Fiona sighed. Letting a two year old paint your fingernails isn't exactly a good idea but she smiled at Ellie, "Sure, why not?" she got out of bed and walked across the hall to her room, which Holly J had been sleeping in. She felt for her fingernail polish box under her bed and pulled it out. She opened it and it was empty.

"Where'd they all go?" she muttered to herself, but Ellie answered. "I dunno."

Fiona's eyes drifted to her walls and ceilings. "Oh..." she whispered, remembering when she threw them at the wall.

"Where did mommy get the fingernail polish you used?" Fiona asked Ellie.

"I dunno. You could probably ask her though." Ellie said.

Fiona found Holly J and asked for fingernail polish. "What happened to your's?" she asked.

"I threw it at the wall... Bobby had gotten me most of it that wasn't dried out, and I busted them all."  
Holly J opened Fiona's hand and pressed a bottle of pink fingernail polish into her palm. She gave her a smile, then hugged her.

"You are so strong, Fi." she said.

Fiona smiled back. Usually,when she talked about Bobby around Holly J, she'd give her a hug, and say that she was doing a great job. It was nice of her, Fiona thought.

When Holly J stepped back she looked at Fiona seriously. "If you ever need anything at all... and Declan isn't around, then tell me, alright?" she asked.

"Who else would I tell?" Fiona asked with a smile.

"That's what I'm worried about." Holly J whispered.

"I'll be fine, Holly J... I know you may not think so... most of the time I don't either, but I'll be fine."

"I think so, Fiona. I know so."

Fiona gave her a light smile and left the room.

Declan had been eating breakfast downstairs, when Fiona came in, letting Ellie paint her fingernails.

He watched them... but kept zoning out. Remembering once when he 'visited' Bobby at the jail and he described Fiona durning a beating.

_"Your sister is a total wimp. She'd cry like a mother fucker, gagging over her own tears." Bobby said._

_"That's because it __**hurt**__!" Declan said, "You would cry too."_

_"No I wouldn't. I don't let people hit me."_

_"You are a lot bigger than her, she couldn't do anything about it."_

_"All she had to do was tell you, aparentally."_

_"You said that you'd __**hurt**__ her if she did." Declan said slowly, as if he was speaking to a small child, "She was scared."  
"I was already hurting her, what more could I have done, besides kill her? And I wouldn't have wanted to do that. Then I wouldn't have anything to play with." he said with a smile._

"Declan!" Fiona said with a smile, holding up her hand.

"What?" he asked, startled.

"You ok?" she asked, her smile slowly fading.

"Yeah... I'm alright, what do you need?"  
"Look... your daughter is very artistic." she said, holding out her hand. Almost her whole hand was coated in fingernail polish, and not even all of the actual fingernails were painted.

"That's... beautiful."  
"I know it is." Ellie said, "I would not do anything that isn't pretty."

"You should let her do yours." Fiona said.

"Me? No... I don't look good in pink."  
"Pleeeeaaasssee daddy!" Ellie said, "With cherries on the toppsies!"

Declan sighed. "You can do my thumb."

Ellie squealed and opened up the bottle and splashed some fingernail polish on Declan's thumb while Fiona watched... until Ellie gave her orders, "Aun' Fiona, go show mommy your fingernails, _now_."

"Hey, that's not nice, El. No one likes someone who's bossy. Say you're sorry."  
"I'm sorry, Aun' Fiona. Will you go show mommy your fingernails."  
"Umm... yeah." Fiona said, getting up.

She walked around the house looking for her, and found Holly J in her room. "What are you doing in here?" Fiona asked.

"Just looking at your stuff... You don't mind do you?"

"No." Fiona said, skimming around to see if all her notebooks were left unopened... when Bobby was hurting her she had wroten certain things down in a green

notebook... things that she felt, what she thought when Bobby did specific stuff...

Holly J seemed to read Fiona's mind, as she passed a small notebook to her. "I started to skim this..." she said, "But when I saw what it was about... _who _it was about, I didn't read it anymore."

Fiona took it and hugged it to her chest.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have opened it at all. I just thought it might have been drawings or something else." Holly J said.

"Th-that's ok." Fiona said, stumbling over her words.

"I don't know what... like exactly what it says." Holly J said, "I just read a little. Like four pages."  
"_Which _four pages?" Fiona asked quickly.

"The parts about him hitting you and... well..." Holly J stopped. "You know... some of the parts about when he made you..."

"Oh god, oh _god_." Fiona said, "You were not supposed to read those! _No one _was supposed to read those!"

"I didn't read very much of the... second part. And... I know I wasn't supposed to read them..." Holly J said calmly.  
"Then _why _did you read it?"

"I did not know what it was..." Holly J said with an edginess on her voice now, "That's why I _stopped _reading it."  
"Yeah, after _four _pages!" Fiona yelled back, almost in tears.

"It's just a little hard to... pull yourself away from it, Fiona." Holly J said quietly. "It's... really... I mean, if it were a novel, it would be really _good... _I mean... except for the very... ugh... vivid details."

Fiona looked up, but didn't say anything.

"It's very _moving_."

"I don't want my life to be a novel though."

"I-I didn't say you did... I just... I'm really sorry."

"I know you're sorry."

"It's just really hard to put things like that down... especially when I'm trying to understand you better and you'll barely tell me anything."

"Maybe I don't _want _you to know everything ... I don't tell anyone _everything_." Fiona said, then she whispered, "Except for Declan."

"I still don't know everything, though."  
"Don't read my stuff anymore ok?"

"I promise I won't."

Everyone always said that, Fiona realized. Everyone. But... people rarely kept them.

"Can we pretend like you never read that?" Fiona asked.

"I'd be glad to." Holly J said, giving Fiona a hug. "And... I'll tell you something... like before I had Ellie..."

Fiona stared at her.

"Before I had Ellie," she whispered, "I was really, _really_ scared. Of having her... of... of Declan leaving."

"Declan wouldn't have left."

"I know that... now... but I was scared... and with you... and Bobby, he was already busy... and... it was really scary... and I would have nightmares... and, it was terrible, Fiona. I don't have much else to tell you, I really don't... I don't feel like we're even though... unless you want to read my seventh grade diary... you might find it amusing."

"I'll take you up on that deal." Fiona said.

Holly J smiled, "Alrightie... but prepare to think I am the most stupid geeky person _ever_. Seventh grade me wasn't good."


	127. Chapter 126

**-Not including this chapter this story is ****191,188 words long. That is 551 more words than Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire. (190,637 words). I am rather proud that it is longer than some of the Harry Potter books. That is kind of hard for me to believe... but I started writing it on July 4... all the way before school started, and season ten of Degrassi! What will I do when this story is over? As of the moment, I am planning for it to never end... so when we're all 80 I'll be on my computer all like "Oh... nursing home lady, I've got to put up this chapter." And it'll be great.-**

"The snowman is dead." Ellie announced, looking out the window.

"We can make a new one later." Fiona said.

"I think someone murdered it."

"No one murdered it. It just melted, or fell over."  
"Things like that don't happen on accident." Ellie said.

Fiona smiled and continued sorting through papers... documents, from court. The police decided that they wanted copies of certain ones... and certain pictures that she showed. They wanted to put them in their records.

"Watcha doin'?" Ellie asked.

"Looking through papers." Fiona said, pulling a paper out from the stack.

"Why ya' doing that?"

"The police want some... to keep."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know." Fiona said, hoping the questions would stop.

"What're they about?"

"Bobby."

"Oh." Ellie said.

She was quiet for a few more seconds before she said, "Where did mommy and daddy go?"  
"They went to go see... something about school." Fiona said, not even remembering herself.

"Why does the police want those papers?"

"I already told you that I don't know."

"Can I have some of those papers?" Ellie asked.

"You can't read."

"Can you read me one?"

"You wouldn't understand it. It's about stuff that you don't know."  
"I know about peoples getting beated up."

Fiona sighed, "There's more to it than that."  
"There's pictures." Ellie stated. "Can I see the pictures?"  
"It's just of bruises and stuff, like the one you had on your knee when you fell off the bed."

"Can I see one?" Ellie asked, not giving up.  
"Ellie..." Fiona said, "I'd really rather you not..."

"If it's not a bad picture, then why can't I see it?" Ellie asked.

Fiona looked through all the pictures, and found one of a red handprint on her arm. One of the ones that wasn't very bad. "I'm only showing you this one." she said.

"Otay."

She slid the picture across the table and Ellie looked at it. "What is it?" she asked.  
"It's my arm,"

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to the red mark.

"That's Bobby's handprint, from where he squeezed my arm."

Ellie put her hand on her own arm and struggled trying to squeeze it until a red mark came. She was disapointed when it would disapeer with in seconds.

"How'd ya' get it to stay like that?"  
"He squeezed it so hard it hurt... that's why it bruised."  
"So I need to get him to do it."

"No... he did it when he was mad, and it hurt, _really _badly." Fiona said, "You wouldn't want him to."

"How come it's gone now?"  
"It's just like any other bruise, it disapears eventually."

"Can I see another one?"  
"No... I said only one."

"But can I pretty please see another one?"

"No."

"Please?"  
"No, Ellie. They're... the pictures are really personal."

"You're no fun."

"Ellie-Bug, you have to understand. These pictures are from when I was hurt, really bad. I don't like people seeing them."

"Then why are you lookin' at em'?"  
"Because the police want some."  
"You're gonna show them some, and not me?"  
"They need them. You can't disobey the police." Fiona said, which made her sulk a bit. You should be able to disobey the police, she thought. Sure they had been nice to her when she told them about everything... but she wished she could say "No, I don't want to make copies, thank you very much."

"Can we play candyland instead... or make a snowman?"  
Fiona glanced at Ellie, and then back to the papers and pictures spread in front of her. "Uh... I kind of need to get this done." she said, but she glanced at Ellie again and smiled, "But we can play for awhile, I think."


	128. Chapter 127

After she mailed the documents to the police station, Fiona asked Ellie "Are you tired... do you want to take a nap?"  
"No. I don't. I want to go to the park."

"I'm tired though... so will you please take a _tiny _little nap for me?"

"Nope."

Fiona sighed and called Logan.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Logan, this is Fiona...are you busy?"  
"No... why, do you need something?"

"Uh... yeah... can you watch Ellie for just like an hour?"  
"Sure, when?"  
"Preferably right now... but you don't have to."

"No... I'll be right over."

"Ok, thank you."  
"Alright, see you then."  
"Ok... bye."

Fiona hung up. She hoped she didn't sound like she was being lazy or anything. She waited about ten minutes before Logan came over.

"Hey, Fiona, what's up?" he asked.  
"I'm just _really _tired, and Ellie won't go to sleep... so I needed someone to watch her."

"Well, you've called the right person."  
"Thank's Logan. You're really nice." Fiona said, hugging him.

"Aw, it's really no problem." Logan said.

"Thanks again." Fiona said.

"I want to play with my legos!" Ellie squealed, interupting.  
"Ok... where are your legos?" Logan asked, as Fiona layed down on the couch.

"They are upstairs."  
"Ok, let's go then." Logan said, taking a blanket and covering Fiona up. "If you need anything, just tell me." he whispered into her ear before heading up the stairs.

He played with Ellie for a few hours before she also grew tired and layed down for a nap.

Then he went downstairs and sat on the floor beside the couch, since Fiona was sleeping on it, and he switched on the television.

It wasn't long before Fiona stirred in her sleep.

She started mumbling things, and crying. Every once in awhile she would say something clearly, he could make out a few words, _"No, stop, you're hurting me, _and _Leave me alone, please!_"

Logan brushed her hair our of her face.  
"Hush, Fiona, you're alright." he whispered.

"N-noooo..." she mumbled. "Make him stop, Logan." She was still asleep.

"I am..." Logan said slowly. "I just took him... and drug him away from you, he's not there anymore."

She made a tiny whimpering type sound and then she rolled over, but she didn't cry anymore. Logan knew that his mother would want him back, and soon. But Fiona needed him... but he didn't know what Scott could be doing right now at home either... or how much he had drank.

He searched for his cell phone, but realized that he had left it at home. He reached into the pocket of Fiona's jacket and used her phone to call Declan.

"Is something wrong?" Declan asked immediantally.

"No... no, she's asleep." Logan said, "It's Logan... she was tired, so she called me to lok after Ellie."

"Oh..."  
"When are you going to be home?"  
"We are on our way now."  
"Ok... because I've got to get home... soon."

"We'll be right there." Declan said.

"Ok."  
"Alright Bye."  
"Bye." Logan replied, almost closing the phone, but he heard Declan's voice.

"Logan?" Declan asked into the phone.  
"Yeah?"  
"Thanks for taking care of my sister."

"It's really no problem." Logan said.

"You know I like you, you're nice," Declan began, "But if you hurt her, then I will kick your ass."

Logan was surprised that he would say this... just as simply as he did, but he sighed. "I know."

He sat with Fiona until Declan and Holly J returned, and when they did, he kissed Fiona on the cheek, and left.

_"You worthless whore!" Bobby said to her, smacking her face.  
"I didn't do anything!" Fiona insisted, "I didn't tell anyone, ever! I didn't! I promise I didn't"_

_"I don't care! You are a terrible person!" he shook her and smashed her into the wall._

_"J-just tell me what I did, Bobby, and then I won't do it again!" Fiona pleaded._

_"You didn't do __**anything**__!"_

_"Then why are you hurting me?" Fiona asked._

_He didn't answer her. Instead, he punched her and gave her a dark, dark bruise over her left eye. Then he pushed her up against the wall and pressed his lips against her's. _

_"You are the sexiest person I've ever seen." Bobby said._

_"Get away from me."_

_"You are my girlfriend, and you have to do what I say, or else you'll get hurt."  
"Don't touch me Bobby... please don't touch me."_

_But it didn't really matter what she said... or wanted... because... well, she was his girlfriend and she had to do what he said... or else she'd get hurt. But then Logan came, "You're alright." he told her. She didn't believe him, but he told the truth. He made Bobby stop, and then she was alright._


	129. Chapter 128

"Aun' Fi-ona!" Ellie whispered, "Wake u-up." She tapped Fiona's head.

"Quit it, Ellie, she's trying to sleep." Holly J said, taking Ellie's little hand off of Fiona's head.

"She's been sleeping since forever."

"She doesn't sleep very much at night."  
"Maybe she needs a bed time."

"Ellie... she doesn't need a bedtime, silly."

"Then what does she need?"  
"She needs her nightmares to stop."

"She's being kind of dumb." Ellie said.  
"Why would you think that?"  
"Cause, people hitting you isn't scary."  
Holly J sighed and almost started explaining it to Ellie again, or _trying _to... but she realized that Ellie couldn't understand... not yet.

"You're too little." Holly J said, "You'll understand someday, and when you're older we'll tell you the whole story."  
"How can you 'spect me to understand if you didn't even tell me the whole thing?"

"You wouldn't _understand _the whole thing, sweetie."

"Can I wake her up now?" Ellie asked, looking at Fiona.

"Just let her sleep."

"If she starts to have to have a nightmare can I wake her up?"  
"No, sometimes she gets scared when she has nightmares and she accidentally hurts whoever is near her."

"Why's she do that?"  
"She thinks someone is trying to hurt her and she'll punch and kick... to get who ever it may be to stop."

"I don't understand." Ellie said.

"That's ok. You will when you're older."

Ellie went upstairs and returned to the table with crayons and a coloring book. She was halfway through her picture when she slammed her crayon down. "Can you wake her up?" she asked.  
"No, we want to let her rest."

"But I'm bor-red!" Ellie declared.

"Then how about we do something fun... like go to the park?" Holly J asked hopefully. It was still pretty cold out, but Ellie didn't seem to care, and she wore her winter coat.

"Yeah! Like go to the park!" Ellie squealed.

So Holly J got her things together with Ellie and went upstairs.

"Fiona is asleep on the couch, still, I'm taking Ellie to the park."  
"Alright." Declan said, glancing up from his computer screen.

Ellie and Holly J left, and Declan played around on Facerange for a few minutes.

After awhile he decided to go downstairs.

He carefully lifted Fiona up just enough for him to sit on part of the couch, she could put her head on his lap. He surfed all the television channels they had, but he couldn't find anything that he actually wanted to watch, so he just sat with Fiona, humming random tunes he thought of and thinking random things. Then he began thinking of things he would change if he could go back.

"Number One," he said out loud, "We would never ever have even met Bobby. I'd talk to him the time our parents made us when we were four... but that's it." he said.

"Number two then..." then he drifted off... because if Bobby wasn't there... there wouldn't even be any thing he really _wanted _to change.

Fiona extended her hand in her sleep like she was reaching out to grab something, but she quickly pulled it away, as if she had gotten burnt... Declan took her hand in his.

"We've almost got this figured out, haven't we, Fi?" he asked. "You didn't even have a nightmare that one night... maybe I should read you a story everynight."

Declan sighed and turned on the television. He went to what he thought was going to be the comedy channel, but he pressed the wrong button, and ended up with "World War II, The Making of Hitler". He decided that there was probably nothing better on, and got absorbed in theories about Hitler's sexuality, and childhood.

By the time the three hour documentry was half way over Fiona woke up. She opened her eyes and saw a man rambling something in German, she looked up at Declan.

"What are you watching, Decs?" she asked, her voice was tired.

"Something about World War II. Did you know Hitler had a dog?"  
"No."

For about five minutes both of them watched Hitler running around, snapping at people and such. Then Declan asked, "How'd you sleep?"  
"Ok, I guess." She said, finally sitting up.

"What would you change, if you could change one thing?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"By going back in time."  
"I would make sure that I never met Bobby."  
"What a coincidence... me too." Declan said bitterly, thinking about Bobby. "I wish they'd let me discipline the prisoners." Declan said, "The ones who hurt their wives and girlfriends... especially Bobby."

"What am I gonna do when he gets out of jail, Decs?" Fiona asked, quietly.  
"You're going to do what you're doing now. I'll keep you safe, Sis, don't worry." he said, giving her hand a little squeeze.  
"I can't be safe anymore, Decs. I always thought I was... but I've never been, and I never will be."

Declan leaned over and gave her a hug. "I will not let anything bad happen... I won't, Fiona. I promise."

Tears had just begin to fall down her cheeks, but Declan wiped them away with his thumb, but for some reason, that made her cry more... and she even apologized for crying.  
"I'm sorry, Decs, I really am."  
"Don't be sorry, Fiona. It's ok to cry... it's alright." he said, hugging her tighter. "You cry all you want."

So she did... for a really long time. Longer than usual, Declan noticed. She didn't even say anything inbetween... it was just buckets of tears. Declan held on to her the whole time.

When she was done, Declan asked, "Are you okay now?"

She didn't answer, she just sat next to him... or more like leaning on him... his arms were still around her, and she was still clutching onto his had cried so much that now she had even started to hiccup. He rubbed her back, hoping to get her to calm down... or feel better.

"Do you really think my scars won't go away?" Fiona asked, sliding her finger across one that was on her arm.  
"I don't know, Fi. You can use some kind of medicine or something that you put on them to make them go away, I think."

"Every single day, I see them... and it's like Bobby _marked _me or something... _branded _me. Like I belong to him."

"I'm pretty sure they'll go away, someday, Fi." Bobby said, not liking the thought of his sister 'belonging' to anyone.

She wiped some stray tears from her face. "What about the marks on my back? From the belt... and the whip?" she asked in almost a whisper.

"They'll be just like the rest, they're probably going to disapear someday too."

She was quiet for a few more minutes... except for the occasional hiccup.

"And..." she began, she hiccuped then started again, "And I feel like it's my fault... because I should have gotten away... or told someone sooner."

"It's not your fault." Declan said, "And you were scared to tell... you couldn't help being scared. I probably wouldn't have told very quickly either."

"I'm still scared, Declan." Fiona whispered.

"And I'm telling you, even though I know you'll still probably be afraid, that I'm here to help you. If someone hurts you, then tell me, no matter what they say. Even if they're one of my best friends... because you're my sister... and I love you." Declan said, giving her hand a little squeeze, "More than I love any of my friends."

"I love you too, Decs." Fiona said, "But what if he finds me someday... and kills me? Or hurts me again... and you're not there?"  
"I'll always be there."

"What if you're not?" she asked, sounding frightend.

"I will be... I promise."

She layed her head against Declan's shoulder. "Bobby promised me things all the time." she whispered, " '_It was an accident, Fiona, I promise.' _and _'I will never make you do anything you don't want to again, Fifi... I swear." _He never told the truth. You couldn't trust him."

"But you can trust _me_." Declan said.  
"Yes... I can trust you." Fiona repeated, as if reassuring herself. Declan noticed and looked down at her.

"_Do _you trust me, Fi?" he asked, curiously.

"Yes... of course."

"Are you ever scared of me?"

Fiona got the look in her eyes like she does when she doesn't feel like answering questions... the looks she got when she was trying to act completely normal, but something was obviously wrong... the look she'd usually get right after she came home from Bobby's house.

"Never."  
"Never at all?"  
"No." she said.

"You're lying." Declan said.

Fiona was silent for a few seconds before she sighed, "Sometimes." she whispered. "Like when I first wake up... and I don't know who is beside me... but once I know it's you, then I'm ok... and if you raise your hand... to do something... even if you lift it a little... it just... it reminds me." she said, running her finger over the scar on her arm, which she had started doing a lot when she spoke about Bobby.

"You know I won't hit you."

"Yes, I _do _know... but I don't know... it's weird... I guess I'm just used to... _him_." Fiona said, sitting up.

Declan did notice that if she was sitting down and you reached over her to get a glass of water, or the remote or something, she might flinch, or duck, cower away, like she was afraid someone might hit her or touch her badly.

She used to like hugs more... now she only accepted them from him, and Holly J, and Logan. She would back away from other people, like Sav, who came over once with Anya. He didn't know anything, he just asked, "Oh, hi Fiona. It's great to see you again! How are you?" and tried to give her a hug, a friendly one at that, but she backed up, standing beside Declan, as if Sav had pointed a gun at her. Sav just looked a little confused, but he didn't ask questions, because every one else in the room knew about Bobby... and it was normal to them.

"That's not... a _bad _thing." Declan said, trying to make his sister happier, "But really... I won't lie to you... and I will never _ever _hurt you."

"I know." Fiona said, sounding more certain this time. "It's just... most of the time when I flinch or something... I was just thinking about... about Bobby, and it just surprises me. I'm always thinking about him... and I don't know how to get it to stop."

Declan took his sister's hand. "I think about him a lot too, Fi." he said.

"I can't even have babies because of him." Fiona whispered.

"Yes you can... just not as easily." Declan said.

"And I've got these stupid marks all over me, and I can't sleep, and then I can't even get _clean_!" she said, starting to sound a bit angry, "You know that, Decs? I. still. can't. wash. him. off!"  
"You're clean, Fi, trust me." Declan said.

"I can feel him all over me, and smell him, and I hate it." She had stopped yelling and now her voice was cracking, and tears were building in her eyes again.

"You've had about five showers a day for the past year or so, Fi. You're the most clean person on earth."

"Soap and water can't wash him off of me. Not warm water, or cold water, or hot water..." she stated, "And I'm surprised you can't smell it too... it's so _strong_."  
"You're hallucinating, Fi. You smell like raspberries... you always smell like raspberries."

"I smell like Bobby." she declared, a tear falling down her cheek, "And his colonge... and his sweat."

"Did Bobby wear raspberry perfume too? What a coincidence." Declan said.

"I can smell it, Declan, I swear, I'm not lying." She said, more tears falling.

"I believe you... Fi." Declan replied, taking her hand.


	130. Chapter 129

Declan tossed Fiona some clothes, fresh from the drier. She was sitting on the couch, and at first she caught them thinking nothing, then she actually looked down.

"Declan, take these away." she said, handing them back.

"The police just gave them back... I washed them three times." Declan said, taking the clothes from her.

"I don't want to see these."

They were the clothes from the last time Bobby had raped her.  
"You said he... did _that _tons of times... what did you do with the rest of your clothes?" Declan asked.

"I left them in New York, or I threw them away."

"Even the ones you designed?" Declan asked, looking down at the clothes Fiona had once wanted to wear every day... she had been so proud of them.

"They remind me too much of it. Every time I wore them, I'd think 'This is the shirt I wore when..." she stopped and looked up at her brother. "I don't want them. Burn them, or something... just take them away."

"But Fi..." Declan began, then he remembered when their grandma had died. He had been little, probably around nine or ten years old... but their mother had let them pick their own clothes out for the funeral. He picked his favorite shirt to wear, the one he always _always _wanted to wear. Once he went to the funeral, he came home, changed out of the shirt and got it washed, but when he thought about wearing it again, it just made him feel a little bit sick... it reminded him of seeing his grandmother in a coffin... which wasn't exactly the most happy moment of his life. "I understand." he told Fi, putting the clothes in the trash.

"Remember that shirt I wore to grandma's funeral?" he asked.

Fiona thought for a second, then she nodded, "I never wore that one again.", Declan finnished.

When Ellie got home she threw away the plastic spoon from some icecream she had got. She frowned when she looked in the trashcan.

"I think someone got confusded." she said. "Clothes are 'sposed to go in the hamper... not in the trash."  
Holly J peered into the trashcan and saw the clothes. "Oh, leave those there, El, we don't want those anymore."

"Why not?"  
"We just don't. We don't need them." Holly J replied, trying to make things simple.

"Are they yours?"

"No, they're Fiona's."

"Then I should ask her why she don't want them."

"Why she _doesn't _want them... and I don't think that's a good idea, Ellie."

"Why not?"  
"It's about Bobby."  
"The mean guy?"  
"Yeah... and remember how I told you that you aren't going to ask her questions about him anymore?"  
"Yeah."

"So don't ask her about the clothes, just leave them there."  
"How are clothes about Bobby?"

"They just remind her of him..."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you tommorow, but it's late, Ellie, why don't you go to sleep?"  
"I don't wanna."  
"It's already nine... even your daddy and Fiona are asleep."

Ellie looked like she was about to throw a fit but then she shrugged, "Fine."

Holly J led her up and put her to bed.

She walked down the hall and went into Declan's room. Fiona was curled up next to him, under his arm. And she was shaking.

_If it wasn't for her, _Holly J thought _then we would be normal_. Then she mentally kicked herself. That wasn't right. It wasn't Fiona's fault that she was scared.

"If it wasn't for _Bobby_," Holly J whispered out loud "We would be normal."

She did wish that Fiona could sleep by herself, so she could sleep with Declan.

She sat down beside her sleeping friend. She was shaking so badly, and crying a bit... not as much crying as usual, but a lot of shaking.

"Fiona... hey... Fi." Holly J said, shaking Fiona awake.

She seemed startled when she woke; when she saw it was just Holly J she smiled. "Oh, hi Holly J."  
"Hey, are you alright? I haven't talked to you all day."

"I'm fine. How about you?"

Holly J smiled. "I'm fine too."

They were both quiet for a minute when Holly J spoke again, "Are your nightmares still bad?" she asked, but then she decided to revise the question "Are they getting better, I mean?"

"I don't know... I guess." Fiona whispered, sinking back against Declan.

"If you want to talk about them, I'll listen."

Fiona shook her head. "It's almost the same thing... every time."

"What happens?" Holly J asked softly.

"He just..._hurts _me and... and _stuff _that's all." Fiona said uneasily. "And it makes it even more scary... some day, he will get out, and hurt me again. I know he will."

Holly J sighed.

"Fi, when you go to the zoo, are you afraid of the tigers?"

"What?"  
"Have you ever been to the zoo?"  
"Uh... wow, I didn't know you had ADHD, Holly J."

"No... seriously have you?"  
"Uh... _yeah_."

"And are you afraid of the tigers?"  
"No..."  
"Why not?"  
"Because... they can't get me."  
"Why can't they get you?"  
"They're in cages."  
"Just like Bobby." Holly J pointed out.

"But he's going to get out someday."

"Sometimes tigers excape too."

"But they don't go after specifically me."

"Tigers are more dangerous... they're bigger. Declan probably couldn't protect you from a tiger... but definantly Bobby. He could protect you from Bobby."

Fiona shrugged and layed her head back on the pillow. "I'll think about that,Holly J." she said, closing her eyes.

"Goodnight, Fi."

"Night."

_Declan asked her about everything. _

_"What's wrong... you look upset?" he would ask._

_"Why are you putting on makeup... it's two a.m." _

_"You look like you've been crying... are you ok?"_

_And the whole time he asked this, she ached to say "What's wrong? Bobby hit me... again! Why am I putting on makeup? So you won't see the bruises. Why am I crying? Because Bobby __**raped **__me. Am I ok? No."_

_But instead she said, "Nothing's wrong. I can't imagine why I look upset. I'm going on a date with Bobby tommorow, I have to see if this makeup matches. Was I crying? Of course not... I'm fine."_

_Then she would walk down the hall to her room, and feel Declan's questioning eyes after her._

_She would cry herself to sleep, and Declan could hear from his room, across the hall. He'd come in her room and scare her to death... by accident of course._

_"Fi, are you ok?"_

_"I already t-told you, I'm fine." Fiona would whisper, her voice muffled by a pillow. She was laying on her stomach and burrying her face in the pillow, just in case her makeup had come off._

_"You're obviously not 'fine'." Declan said, putting his hand on her back, "Tell me what's wrong... did one of the teachers scream at you? Your favorite one?"_

_"No..." Fiona said, rolling her eyes at the dumb guess._

_Declan guessed a few more times before he said "Is it Bobby?" he had meant 'Did Bobby break up with you?' for sure not 'Has Bobby been beating you and raping you for the past three months?'_

_Fiona sat straight up and looked her brother in the eye, "Why in the world would you even think that?" she asked. Just to clarify herself she said "Bobby and I are the best, most close couple in all of Manhatten. He would never, not __**ever **__make me sad."_

_Why did she say that? That was what she thought after she said it. Did Bobby brainwash her? Make her one of his workers to keep his reputation up? She should have said "Yes... it is. These are all of the things he's done..."_

_But no. Because if she did, Declan would think she was weak, and stupid. How could she let this happen to her? And Bobby? Bobby would be mad. And he would hurt her... more._

_But the day that he did find out... that Bobby was hurting her. He didn't think she was weak, or dumb. He hugged her, and talked to her about what happened. He threatened Bobby's life too... but Fiona had hurriedly said "No... no he can't know! Don't tell anyone ok? Don't talk to him! Please don't talk to him!"_

_"He hurt you, Fi." Declan said, pain showing through his voice, as if he had been the one Bobby hurt._

_"You can't let him know I told you... please don't... please."_

_Declan had said he wouldn't, and dropped the subject. Holly J had made her agree to break up with him... and Declan was there when she tried to do that... Bobby had hurt her, and Declan couldn't stand it, so he hurt Bobby. He couldn't stand there and watch his sister get hit, and shook._

_And now, every single day, she was scared. Scared of practically everything._


	131. Chapter 130

Later on that night, Declan woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so he went downstairs to watch the television. About an hour later though, Fiona came and stood in front of the TV.

"Uh... hey, Fi?" Declan said.

Fiona didn't even say anything.

"Fiona, are you alright?" he asked.

She stared at him blankly. "Decs?"

"Uhm... yeah?"

"I need your help." she whispered.

Declan realized that she was sleep walking again.

"What's the matter?"

"Help me."  
"With what?"  
She walked over and took his hand, meekly trying to pull him up. He got up and stood next to her.

"Declan he is in your room." Fiona said, growing more serious.

"No he isn't." Declan said, not even having to question her about who 'he' was.

"I saw him."

"You were dreaming." Declan said.

She started to walk away from him but he put his hands on her shoulders.

"Declan I wasn't dreaming." She said when he stopped her.

He guided her up the stairs and down the hall until they reached his room, but when they got to the door way she backed away.

"I'm not going in there." she whispered.  
"I'm going in too." Declan said, guiding her back towards the door.

She started crying and fighting against him. "Decs, _no!_" she screamed, "I can't go in there, he will _hurt _me!"

"But Fiona... he isn't _there_." Declan protested, "You're half asleep!" He took her hand to try and keep her from running downstairs.

"Let go of me or I will call the police!" she said, but barley fighting now, "I'll get my brother... I'll tell." she whispered, sounding scared.

"I _am _your brother!" he yelled. She started crying harder.

He sighed and pulled her into a hug. "Ok... Sis. Why don't you sleep in your room with Holly J?"

She didn't say anything, so he guided her to where Holly J was sleeping. She layed down beside Holly J and accidentally woke her up.

"Can Fi sleep in here tonight? She thinks Bobby is in my room." Declan said.

"Yeah... sure, whatever." Holly J said, falling back into her own sleep.

A few hours after that, Fiona woke her up again, this time with crying.

Holly J didn't wake up because she heard the crying though. She felt Fiona shaking next to her.

"Fi... wake up." She said, shaking her friend awake.

Fiona woke up fast and sat crying for about a minute. When her crying had softened, Fiona asked, "What am I doing in here?"  
"You were sleep walking." Holly J answered, "And you were afraid to go in Declan's room."

Fiona crunched herself back into a little ball and ducked under the covers.

"You know... he _isn't _here." Holly J said, lifting the covers and looking at Fiona.

"I know."  
"Nothing in this house can hurt you."

She didn't answer to this, so Holly J spoke again.

"You never go in any of the rooms downstairs if we're all upstairs. Or vice versa. Someone always has to be with you, but we keep the doors and windows locked, Fiona. No one's here but me, you, Declan, and Ellie."

"I know." Fiona insisted.

"Then why are you scared?"  
"I don't know." Fiona whispered.

Holly J sighed and took her friend's hand. "Well, that's ok. You'll get over it."

"Holly J?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you afraid?"

"Of what?" Holly J asked, confused.

"Oh... just anything... at all?"  
"No." Holly J stated plainly.

There was a pause and then Fiona said, "Oh." and rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

"Why?" Holly J asked.  
"I don't know."  
"Besides for Bobby... are _you _scared of anything?"  
Fiona sat up and stared at Holly J. "I am scared of everything... and everyone. Except for you, and Declan, and Ellie."  
"Even Logan?"

"I don't know." Fiona said.

"I think he's nice."  
"He is."  
"He wouldn't hurt you."  
"Bobby _'wouldn't_' either, but he did." Fiona stated coldly.

"If he did, then you'd tell us."  
Fiona nodded, "Yeah... I would." She said slowly, as if she was making an uncertain guess.

When she woke up next, it was light outside, and she felt a little sick... and Logan was there.

He was asleep beside her, his arms wrapped around her. She almost screamed, but instead she took a deep breath. It was only Logan. In his hand was a piece of paper that started with "_Bobby, _"

She slipped it out of his hand and began reading it.

"_Bobby,_

_You hurt my best friend. You hurt my best friend before I even knew her, but you had no reason to do what you did." _it was written in pencil, and at this part you could see that many things were erased, re-written and erased again, and finally replaced with the words "What you did."

So Judith had convinced him to write one of those stupid little letters that Declan had wrote.

Oh boy. She didn't know if she wanted to read the rest of it.

Declan came in. "He wanted to know if you wanted to go with him to give that to Bobby." Declan said.

"Why would I want to do that?" Fiona muttered?  
"I told him you didn't want to, but he wanted to make sure."

"Well, you were right." Fiona said. Declan turned off the computer that someone had left on.

"Why are you guys even writing these?" Fiona asked him, "Do you think he even reads them?"  
"I don't know. Being in prison has to be a bit boring."

Fiona sighed, "I guess so."

Seeing Fiona laying there in Logan's arms made Declan feel a tiny bit frightened. What if he did decide to hurt her? But no... not everyone would hurt her... most people, in fact, would not.


End file.
